


Mischief Managed Yr 2: The Poisoned Truth

by SecretScorpio9



Series: Mischief Managed [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Secrets, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 225,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretScorpio9/pseuds/SecretScorpio9
Summary: Remus was sure he'd have to say goodbye to his friends this year, but oddly it seems they have forgotten about his secret. Or, more likely, they are hatching some sort of plan. But with a strange new Professor who seems determined to lessen his classes' prejudices, maybe, just maybe, there's hope yet—even though Remus knows it's only a matter of time they find out. However, he has bigger things to worry about. Mainly keeping his other two friends from murdering Peter, finding a way to be supportive about Quidditch to both Sirius and James, and trying to hold off Patricia's attempts to take them to the forest, which seem far too dangerous and suspicious. Oh yeah, and the Triwizard Tournament is being attempted to be held at Hogwarts for the first time in hundreds of years, though if the attempt will be successful is anyone's guess, especially since there might be a secondary reason for why some of the students from other schools are at Hogwarts. Between classes, Quidditch, moons, Remus doesn't know how he's going to make it through this school year without slipping up, but he sure is gonna try.Universe belongs to J.K Rowling. Excited to have lov_lyness as my beta reader so expect chapters grammatically better
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Mischief Managed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1361701
Comments: 276
Kudos: 172





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Middle of Nowhere

Summer did not go how Remus planned. After the disastrous ending to their train ride, Remus had found his father very angry about how long he took. His quiet explanation of falling asleep was believable but not excusable in his father's eyes. Not that he cared about waiting for Remus—as usual, his father's main problem was Remus himself.

"You aren't supposed to stick out at all! What happened to you keeping your head down?" his father shouted for the fifteenth time in the past two weeks. It had only been two weeks, yet it felt more like months. Worse, Remus hadn't been able to contact Sirius with the mirror, which worried him to no end.

"I'm sorry, dad."

"I don't want to hear you're sorry!" his father shouted, slamming the dishes he was collecting so hard they cracked, one plate breaking clean in half. Remus jumped, his knees shaking.

He almost wished his father hadn't started eating dinner with him. At first, it had seemed like a reward, but he had realized quickly it was more a punishment than anything. He longed for his expected lonely but quiet summer. Instead, his father didn't leave the house and stamped around the place as if Remus had done something horrendous, slamming doors, breaking dishes, and yelling...a lot.

His father hadn't hurt him...yet. But it seemed like he would at any moment, and the stress at waiting for it to happen was driving Remus insane.

"I don't have friends, dad. Those three students I got in trouble with...it was just a misunderstanding," he pleaded, his father shaking his head in disgust.

"Don't you dare lie to me!" he roared, making Remus flinch again. He felt miserable and small and, worse, his father's logic was beginning to wear on him. After all, unlike his uncle, his father really was scared for him, which made it harder to deflect the points he brought up….over and over again.

"Don't you get it!" he hollered, crossing the short distance and gripping Remus' arm tight enough to hurt, dragging him away from the broken dishes and into the living room-his father's bedroom.

"Y…..yes!" he whimpered, and his father finally looked at him, at Remus' eyes, wide with fear, and cheeks damp with tears. He let Remus go, looking disgusted, then sighed and took up his usual place pacing in front of the fireplace, shooting anguished looks at his son, who was quick to make himself small on the couch. He knew the routine well by now.

"Remus, do you know what would happen if anyone found out?" he demanded, his anger turning into a fear that made Remus afraid as well. Back and forth they had gone, nearly every day since he returned home, and Remus wasn't sure how to make it end.

"They would tell the Professors and I would be in big trouble and so would Dumbledore," he cried, quickly wiping at the tears, but they wouldn't stop falling. He wanted to ask his dad when he'd go back to work but he knew he deserved this. After all, his friends…...oh, how much it hurt to think of them as anything less….had come close to discovering what he was last year. If he didn't put a stop to it he was sure they would find out this year.

"You could be killed, Remus Lupin. You could be taken away from me again, and I…" His father's voice broke and he quickly turned his back to Remus as he composed himself and Remus pretended not to notice. As if he couldn't hear his father crying at night, as if he hadn't heard his father crying before, since his mother died.

"What do I do, dad?" He continued crying, and his father just looked stressed now, staring at the broken dish in the kitchen that could barely be called a kitchen and sighing heavily.

"I'll try to convince Dumbledore to let you change rooms. I understand…..I do Remus….when you live with three other rambunctious boys it's hard to simply ignore them. You can't have a single room, though, I already tried." Remus nodded and listened to the familiar rant of his father as he tried to puzzle out what to do, how to solve the mess Remus had caused, to solve the mess Remus was.

He listened patiently for over an hour, answering quickly when his father asked him a question like "did they ask questions" and "will they leave you alone if you ignore them." He should have answered honestly but he didn't, more to get his father to stop than because he felt much faith in his friends. He had heard them talk about werewolves and other monsters, after all.

"May I go outside?" he timidly asked after his father stopped pacing and sagged into an armchair.

"Yes, but stay close." Remus nodded and all but ran outside as his father got back up on his feet with a groan and walked to the kitchen to start cleaning up, muttering to himself. As soon as he was outside, Remus took a deep breath. He looked back, to make sure his father wasn't watching him. Checked to make sure he wasn't standing in the window of the even tinier house than they usually had, the one his father had moved them too, a mere cottage in the woods. But his father was poorer than he had ever been, now having been unemployed for months, and he had pointed out that this way they were very, very far from anyone else.

Very far. It was nearly a one-hour car drive in any direction before a living soul even appeared, and even then it was serious campers. They were in the Dyfnant forest in Wales. His mother had lived in Cardiff before meeting his father, and it would have been nice to see Wales a little more, perhaps visit the capital where his mother was born, but the forest they were in was so thick and remote that even if they had a car it would have taken a very long time. Also, they didn't have the money to use the floo to travel anywhere but St. Mungo's once a month if needed, and back to King's Cross, if his father decided to let him return, which at times seemed to be in serious question.

Kicking a rock far away from him, then again as he caught up to it, he waited until he was out of sight of the house, then took off running. He leaped over a stream and nearly fell over an old rotting root of a tree sticking out of the ground, but he kept running and running. Finally, he stopped, out of breath, and collapsed next to a very large oak tree, reaching underneath into an old badger hole and pulling out a package wrapped up tightly in one of his now too small shirts. Unfolding it gently, he let the two-way mirror fall into his hands.

"Sirius Black," he whispered to it, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. He waited and waited, his tears falling onto the smooth glass that wasn't rippling. After ten minutes, as long as he could possibly wait to start heading back, he shoved it back into his old shirt, sniffling as he rewrapped it and hid it again. Maybe Sirius had figured out what he was and never wanted to talk to him again. Even that would be better than the alternative of him being so hurt or sick that he couldn't use the mirror. Most likely it had gotten taken and Remus wouldn't be able to talk to anyone all summer.

Maybe they just kept missing each other. It's not like you could leave a message on the thing. Admitting defeat, Remus hurried back to the cottage, the setting sun already blocked by the trees so it appeared pitch black. At least there was no way any Death Eater would find them here—not that it kept the supporters of Voldemort from hurting anyone else. Remus, more than once, had taken his father's copy of the Daily Prophet out of the rubbish bin and discovered just how active the Death Eaters had been. War In the Wizarding World had been the front-page title of the last edition, and the entire paper had been as depressing as one might expect.

"Remus, get inside now!" his father barked at him from the open door, and Remus ran the rest of the way, quickly entering the cabin, warm with the fire roaring in the fireplace.

"Tomorrow, I will go looking for a job. We simply can't….we need money," his father said gruffly before he had even finished closing the door on Remus.

"Yes, father," he said politely, though he felt a rush of elation. Maybe there was hope for his summer, after all. He just hoped there was for Sirius as well.

…

"It's like we're in the middle of nowhere," Peter laughed, absolutely delighted. James shrugged as his father came over and helped them start the campfire.

"We really aren't that far away from anything," he muttered to Peter, who wasn't paying attention to him, instead, he was watching James' dad looking eagerly to hear what he was going to say.

"It's fun to think of it that way though, isn't it boys?" Fleamont laughed, having been more than happy to take James and Peter camping. It was a good thing too, because, after three and a half weeks of summer, Peter showing up to spend a few nights had seemed like a fun idea at first, but James had quickly regretted it.

Even with his dad around it just….wasn't fun. Sure Peter was still his mate..sort of.. but he was also so boring and dumb and James had to stop himself nearly biting off his head night one.

"I don't want him here anymore," he had told his dad that same night and instead of sending Peter home, which his father said would be very rude, he had taken time off work to go camping with them instead. Which was OK, but his dad was being far too nice to Peter, who was fawning over it!

"Is this right, Mr. Potter?" Peter asked in the simpering little tone he had used all day, asking his dad all sorts of useless questions and gaining his approval on everything.

"Yes, Peter. Very good!" his father said enthusiastically, actually seeming to like Peter's constant annoying need for approval. James groaned and his father shot him a look, shaking his head.

"What's wrong, James? I can show you how to do it if you didn't get it," Peter replied with a far too condescending smirk. Peter's smug attitude when he couldn't even do it better than he could, finally broke James.

"Gosh, Peter, you are so annoying!" he shouted angrily, Peter's small smile falling in surprise.

"I...just…...was joking….." But James couldn't, wouldn't hear him anymore.

"I wish you never even showed up. You're such a baby!"

"James Fleamont Potter!" his father shouted sternly at him, in a tone that meant he was definitely in trouble. But James didn't care, he couldn't take it anymore. He even felt satisfied as Peter's dumb face crumpled and his eyes welled with tears. Ok maybe he felt a bit bad as Peter started to cry but he wasn't going to stick around to hear it. He took off running, ignoring his father's surprised shouts.

He hated this summer! Oh, sure, it had started out fine, and his parents were thrilled to have him back, but he hadn't heard from either Sirius or Remus and the worry he felt over his best mates was making him really irritable, which his parents had just called a "normal part of growing up". What could possibly be normal about two of his friends being hurt by their families?

Then Peter appeared! Peter, who his parents seemed to adore, with his "pleasant" attitude, while they were calling James an "early teenager", whatever that meant. Peter, who was constantly seeking their approval and taking up their time, especially his dad's! It wasn't fair! He also didn't seem worried about Sirius and Remus at all, he had even told James that he was being silly.

"It hasn't even been a month yet, James, they're probably just busy," he had said to him earlier that day as they had walked behind his father, looking for a good campsite. Busy! Busy! He was so stupid and James had wanted to tackle him to the ground then and there, which he probably should of. Only when James had tried to tackle Peter last night, as he often did to Sirius, the boy started complaining and didn't wrestle back, so it was no fun. He was no fun! He got scared at the ghost stories James had tried to tell him night one and wouldn't even prank the village children with him. How had he ever thought Peter was fun?

He heard the crack of his father Apparating nearby and calling his name, no longer sounding angry, just worried. But he stubbornly didn't respond, just sat down and picked up a stick, dragging it across the ground. It took him a minute to realize he was trying to draw Hogwarts, and he scratched it out angrily. They really should have worked on a map last year. Maybe they could try to map out the castle this year. But he wasn't sure if he wanted to include Peter in that and Remus would probably not participate if Peter was excluded and then it was just him and Sirius, who would try to hog the whole project.

He wiped his eyes, trying not to cry. They better be alright. He was supposed to have gotten a letter from Sirius week one and the two-way mirror was several days late! It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all.

"James, don't you ever ...what's wrong?" He sniffed, trying to hide his tears from his father, which seemed a little silly, he had never cared about crying in front of his dad before. But it would be a lot harder to explain this time when he was bound to secrecy and all. He hated that, too! Stupid friends, stupid camping trip, and stupid, stupid Peter.

"James, talk to me," his father instructed, sitting down across from him.

"Is Peter gone?" he asked instead, and felt shame rise up in him as his father's gaze hardened into disapproval.

"Yes, he's gone. I apparated him back to our house and your mother is contacting his parents now. He's really upset, son. What you did was not nice."

"Yeah...well…..well, he's so annoying…." His dad shook his head, signifying this wasn't reason enough and James knew what was coming.

"You have been a very….well, young man you have had quite an attitude after the first week of you being home and…..well, we won't stand for it…..I know your body is going through changes…..but making your friends cry….I didn't raise a bully, James Potter…...you are grounded, no broom riding privileges for a week."

"That's not fair!" he cried, though whether he was more frustrated at actually losing his broom or his father suggesting he was a bully was hard to tell. His father wouldn't listen, but James knew that if he apologized for his 'behavior' tomorrow and produced a few tears he could get his broom back by tomorrow at the latest. At least it had worked all the other times he got in trouble.

"Yes, well... Neither was your behavior to your friend. Now when we return you need to apologize to him…...if you still want him to leave after, that's fine, but not beforehand alright?" James nodded, his frustration rising again. It really wasn't fair! But fair or not, his father pulled him into a hug he didn't reciprocate and Apparated back with him to their backyard.

"And I want a sincere apology, lad," his father explained as he started walking with him towards their mansion.

He tried to break away from his father's grip on his shoulder, but he firmly pushed him up to the patio door, where he could see his mother sitting on the couch hugging Peter, who was crying as if he was five or something.

"Dad, I don't want to talk to him now," he pleaded, but this time his pleading didn't change his father's determination and soon he was standing in front of his mother and a blubbering Peter. His mother gave him a disappointed look that hurt even more than his father's had and he squared his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Peter."

"Sorry for what, dear?" his mother urged him gently. Peter sniffed and lifted his head, his eyes red and puffy and a little snot dripping from his nose.

"Sorry for calling you a baby," he said stiffly, and Peter sniffed again, actually looking hopeful. He turned away in disgust, and his father's eyes bore into him, forcing him to continue.

"And that I wish you hadn't shown up," he added, and Peter actually smiled, jumping up and hugging him. James patted his back awkwardly, feeling a bit worse at him losing it with Peter, especially with how excited he was at what had been a pretty poor excuse of an apology.

"I'm just worried about Sirius and Remus," he whispered to Peter, who nodded.

"But they're fine, James, we'll hear from them soon." He was so optimistic about it, and to think he had almost decided to let Peter stay until tomorrow! He almost shouted at Peter again but was aware of his parents' eyes on him.

"Listen, mate. I think I'm getting sick, so maybe you should go back tonight, ok?" he offered, with more patience than he felt.

"Oh….. Sure. Are you ok though?" Peter asked, gazing up at him with concern. James forced a smile he didn't feel at all.

"Yeah, probably just a cold. Wouldn't want you to get sick though." Peter nodded, but bit his lip and shifted slightly.

"Are we…..are we alright though? I was just joking... honest."

"Yeah. I'm going to lay down. I'll write and see you later, ok?" Peter nodded, looking a bit put off and he left quickly, glad his parents didn't stop him. An hour later, his mother knocked on his door to let him know that Peter was gone and find out if he wanted to talk.

Normally he would, normally he would tell her and his dad everything. Instead, he turned around in his bed and pretended to be asleep until she left. They better be ok, they just better be.


	2. Chapter Two: An Unexpected Guest

Chapter Two: An Unexpected Guest

Lily knew she'd make up with Severus over summer and it had only taken a week of her sister being ever so mean to her to drive her back to the park. One month into summer and it was like the whole year at Hogwarts never happened. She was so relieved to see him back to normal. If it wasn't for Severus her summer probably would have only been full of her sister's insistence she was a freak and therefore pretty gloomy. All her old muggle friends wouldn't talk to her at all and she caught her sister telling them she had been in juvie all year! Of course, she told her parents immediately and Tunney had gotten in a lot of trouble and hated her even more but at least she wasn't using magic to "put her in her place" as Severus had hinted at several times.

Her parents were wonderful but even though it was Tunney's fault they argued their parents were getting frustrated at both of them. It was much worse than the short breaks during the school year and Tunney's resentment of her seemed to grow with each passing week.

"I reckon she really does hate me a little more every day. And she did the worst thing yet she ruined my book, Severus, she absolutely ruined it!" She shouted to Severus who sat on the swings listening to her patiently his expression darkening. Of course, her sister had said it had been because Lily had ruined her room. But she had only been trying on a few of her sister's lipsticks out of simple curiosity and it had been an accident that she dropped one onto the carpet and it barely made a mark! But anyways Severus certainly didn't want to hear about that.

"Sounds like she needs to be taught a lesson." He replied and it took her a moment to realize what he was, yet again, hinting at.

"Oh, Severus you mustn't you could get in trouble and my sister is not all that bad she's just ...just so mean." She huffed her cheeks coloring when she realized how spoiled she sounded. Severus told her everything about his parents and how terrible his dad was to him and his mom, his own father! But if Severus minded he didn't let on. In fact, despite his mother's constant criticism of him and the darkening bruise on his cheek he actually seemed to be in a good mood. A much better mood than he had been in all year at Hogwarts with his supposed Slytherin "friends" but when she tried to point it out to him he grew angry and wouldn't respond to her until the next day so she stopped bringing it up.

"Oh come on Lilly it wouldn't be anything that bad." He attempted again trying to give her a pleading look that only made him look angrier.

"No, you mustn't. Don't be mean Severus." She scolded, she wouldn't be mean to her sister no matter how mean she was to her which her parents were so proud of. She'd just stay away from Tunney and tell her parents if she was being too cruel, she had been getting by that way pretty well overall.

"You don't seem to care when Potter, Black, and Lupin do mean pranks." He scowled his good mood disappearing abruptly. She frowned at him, they had done a really good job of not bringing up anyone else from Hogwarts which had been Severus rule from the start.

"Of course I care." She replied with all the patience she could muster, after all, they had been cruel to him, Black and Potter anyways, especially that terrible Potter!

"Well, you're still friends with them."

"Sev why are you bringing this up?"

"Well, you are!"

"No, I'm not I'm not friends with them!" Severus smiled and she smiled back. Good, she didn't want him to be cross with her, she couldn't bear it if he was cross with her too.

"Even Lupin! That's good to hear, in that case, let's not study with him next year." He replied happily and Lily gasped.

"What? No, I didn't mean him I'm friends with him!" Severus glowered at her but she starred firmly back and eventually, he dropped his gaze.

"He's one of them though."

"Severus, how can you say that? He was nothing but nice to you even when you and those terrible Slytherins…."

"Don't call them terrible Lily." He cut her off sharply and she felt her cheeks heat, this time in anger.

"Why not? They are Sev. They are dreadful and if you would just not hang out with them…"

"Just stop it!" He shouted, shooting her an angry glare.

"You were the one who brought it up!" She shouted back indignantly.

"I know but let's just stop it." So they sat there in silence the only sound the creaking of the chains as they moved their swings slightly.

"Fine." She finally relented and they went back to talking about Tunney and difficult potions and other things that wouldn't cause Severus to get so mad. She'd convince him by the end of summer to be better towards Remus and to stay away from those terrible Slytherins, she just had too.

After another hour it was time to head home and she hugged Severus bye before walking back to her house just as it was getting dark. She found her mom and dad watching the telly and entered just as Petunia headed out dressed in an outfit her parents never would approve of.

"Mom! Dad!" She called ignoring Peuatinia trying to get around her.

"You're such an annoying tattletale." Her older sister snapped and tried to shove past her again but Lily held her ground and soon her parents were yelling at her sister.

"You can't leave the house looking like this young lady!"

"Why not it's what everyone wears!" She shouted back as Lily climbed the stairs to her room feeling quite satisfied.

"I'm fifteen mom I'm not a child. No NO! You can't ground me!" She heard her sister shriek as she closed her bedroom door. Even if Tunney hadn't been so mean the fighting between her and their mother was absolutely dreadful and would have made her summer terrible if she wasn't allowed to escape to the park every day. Lily flopped down on her bed and turned on her home player so music filled the room and masked her sister's screeching downstairs.

She was about to journal, it always helped her sort things out, but just then she heard a tap-tap and jumped from her bed rushing to the window. There was only one thing that could be! She laughed excitedly expecting another letter from Dorcas but instead a beautiful spectacled owl dropped a package into her hand with a quickly scrawled note on it.

"Have you been thinking about me all Summer don't worry I won't tell Snivillus" She nearly threw the package across the room, Potter infuriating Potter, who she might have thought about a bit but only because he was such a moron! But she realized what the package might be and forced herself to keep reading.

"Just kidding. Look Remus hasn't talked to anyone and we're really worried. I figured he might as well talk to you since you're basically his girlfriend or whatever so good luck." Lily's face went very hot. Girlfriend! She wasn't anyone's girlfriend and she liked Remus a lot but she wasn't entirely sure in what way yet. Could Remus have implied they were? Well, she wouldn't contradict if he had...if he wanted to anyway. She shook herself feeling silly and unwrapped the package a familiar mirror falling into her hands. Obviously James was just being foolish! She couldn't imagine Remus suggesting such a thing and it was much more likely Sirius and James had concocted the silly notion in hopes of causing trouble as usual.

It was odd though, James sounded sad in the little note he had left. Maybe he was he did seem very loyal to his friends. Of course how far would that loyalty go if they realized Remus was…. she shook herself again.

"Remus Lupin!" She called hopefully. Yes, she liked him a great deal how could she not when he was unlike any other boy she had ever talked to. But when she imagined the two of them 'together together'...well it was nothing like Tunney and the boy she was dating right now. She just pictured them reading books and talking and cuddling up on the couch and it was all very platonic in her head. She didn't think it was that way just because he was a werewolf, she didn't care about that in the slightest. She just...still wasn't sure how she felt about him or dating in general. Afterall she couldn't picture snogging anyone.

She found herself staring at James' messy scrawl and she could just picture him writing that first sentence all cocky and then deflating as he admitted Remus hadn't contacted them. Oh, Remus!

"Remus Lupin." She called again in a clear voice trying to will the mirror to let her see the face of her dear friend. He must be so scared and lonely. Did he have anyone to talk to? She had read transformations were painful and she couldn't imagine such a thing. It made her feel cold and when she remembered his nonexistent reaction to the painful potion that had spilled on his hand or the scar on his hand and the others there must be she wanted to cry. She didn't know how she felt about Remus but she did know she wanted to wrap him up in a big hug and keep him safe, safe from the wizards' ridiculous prejudices, safe from himself, just safe. As she stared at the empty mirror that still hadn't moved she clutched the mirror to her chest and cried wishing there was some way she could help her dear dear friend!

….

It was storming out and he stood in front of the large house unable to take another step. He sneezed only wearing his cloak which wasn't very warm and watched who must be James' mom walk past the window smiling. He moved a little out of the way but only saw through another window James leaping on the couch talking animatedly and his father laughing at whatever he was saying.

Sirius' chest ached at how happy they looked. His family had never looked that happy. He felt heavy and dizzy and swayed slightly. He had tried to behave over summer but Regulus had been completely corrupted which just begged for Sirius to prank him. Maybe it wouldn't have all gone so wrong if his mother had decided not to leave him with a single one of his Hogwarts belongings including the mirror. Or perhaps summer would have been tolerable had she not shut down him going to see his uncle even after a whole month of being the best stupid son he could be!

He shivered again as a gust of wind knocked into him. He had snuck into the attic where his stuff had been hidden every night but it was always late and unless Remus slept with the mirror next to him he didn't retain much hope he could contact him. At least his mother hadn't bothered to check his Hogwarts belongings, though he had to threaten Kreacher into not doing so, which meant that he was able to ship the mirror to Peter even though James was supposed to have it next. They should have thought about it when they were planning, well fighting over the order, but if the package was intercepted and he was caught sending something to a Potter he'd be a dead man, which he was trying to avoid. Luckily he knew that Peter would send the mirror right onto James, maybe had hung out with him. Maybe the two of them had such a good time now Peter was James' favorite.

He shook away the ridiculous thought and sighed heavily thinking of what a failure his plan had been. Really he had been good and hadn't gotten into an ounce of trouble all that first month at being back but he realized it didn't make an ounce of difference. When he had asked his mother ever so nicely if he could go help out his Uncle Alphard, not even to hang out but to help the man she had told him no!

So Sirius put a potion in her morning tea that was supposed to make her hair grow like crazy but he must have gotten the brewing a bit wrong, considering he was doing it in the dark in the attic. Or maybe the ingredients were a bit expired because it made his mother's nose hair grow rapidly instead. Not that Sirius minded much, though he wished he remembered what he had done to replicate it for the fall. It had even been the first time he had smiled all summer. However, if it had been just her hair the potion caused to grow she probably would have yelled at him, which at least would have been her talking to him besides saying 'pass the salt' or 'no'. But her nose hair growing resulted in him spending some time with the dementor and it had been a rapid descent from there.

Going crazy with boredom and upset he didn't even have a slim chance of talking to Remus anymore he pranked Regulus left and right. For a while it was fine, he could make Regulus cry and tell him it was because he was a suck-up without worrying about his brother telling, he wasn't that stupid. But Kreacher happened to see without him realizing it and his mother found out. Needless to say, she was not pleased. Her screaming at him had lasted a good two hours and had ended with him being caned repeatedly.

At least Regulus hadn't hated him enough not to apply the ointment and they had even had a halfway decent conversation with Regulus, not telling Sirius he was a failure and had betrayed the family by the end of it for once. Sirius scowled just thinking about it and ducked quickly behind a bush framing the sidewalk as Fleamont Potter looked out the window.

Why had he come here? Stupid Potter wouldn't understand, his life was perfect. Not to mention he'd get in even more trouble for running away, even if there were only two weeks of Summer left. He hoped James had been able to contact Remus. A sad letter from Peter after he had sent him the mirror weeks ago had told him Peter trying to contact Remus once before sending the thing to James had ended in failure. Now Lily probably had the mirror and he didn't even care if she was the only one who got a hold of Remus as long as she did, as long as he was alive.

A light on the patio flicked on and he jumped. Had Fleamont seen him after all? He was sure he ducked really quickly. He waited tensely but the front door didn't open and he relaxed. He should just go home only he couldn't. He wiped his cheeks which were wet with rainwater and definitely not tears and sniffed. James had said there was a room for him. It might be worth his mother's wrath to maybe have a bit of fun before summer ended. Besides she probably had already read his, pretty angry letter to her, telling her he was going to finish up the summer at a friends' house.

He really was going to go stay with his uncle Alphard but after using a lot of his floo powder reserve he had stolen from home a pinch at a time, he had found out his uncle was off to another country. His attempt to get inside his house was unsuccessful and he had used the last of his floo powder to appear in Diagon alley and had taken the Knight Bus to the address James had made him remember. It's not like he could go home but would the Potter's really let him stay here for the last two weeks?

Peaking over the bush he realized Fleamont Potter had left the window and relaxed standing back up and watching the happy family trying to decide if they were really that nice. James was jumping on the couch now waving his arms wildly clearly pleased being the center of attention of both his adoring parents. He was happy for James but it made him feel sick with envy. Then James saw him, their eyes locked and Sirius knew ducking was futile. So instead he ran, and so did James disappearing from the window in a flash.

"Sirius! Sirius wait!" He didn't wait. His already wet socks quickly became soaked again as his shoes sloshed through deep puddles. He could hear a reciprocating sloshing from behind him and by the sound of the sloshes, James was gaining on him. Maybe he would have had a chance of outrunning Potter if he wasn't still badly bruised from his last caning after that one Regulus hadn't given him the ointment.

"Go away, Potter!" He shouted unsure if he wanted to cry or laugh at how ridiculous this was. Both of them sprinting down the sidewalk nearly to their ankles in puddles that littered the way and James shouting for Sirius to stop like they were both in some cheesy drama.

"Dammit, Sirius STOP!" If they were in a soapy drama James would have grabbed his wrist and spun him around declaring his undying love for Sirius. That would have been preferable to stupid James tackling him. He let out a shout of surprise and pain, and they both hit the sidewalk soaked, and even though Sirius was hurt all over, laughing. Sirius couldn't help laughing once he took one look at James with his hair in his eyes looking like a washed-up kelpie. He wasn't sure why James was laughing since he himself always looked fine but James scrambled up still chuckling and pulled Sirius up and into a wet cold hug that felt like home.

"Aw don't cry, Sirius. If you do I will." He sniffed.

"I missed you." He admitted and didn't even care how damn cheesy it sounded.

"Not as much as I missed you!" Sirius laughed and cried the rain still crashing down around them until it suddenly wasn't. He looked up expecting to find it had stopped and maybe he'd even find a bloody rainbow in the sky because this whole scenario was still ridiculous, but instead, he found himself staring at Fleamont Potter holding an umbrella over the two soaked boys looking torn between amusement and concern.

"Come inside boys. It's good to see you Sirius we were wondering when you'd show up." Just like that, as simple as that! No questions as to why he was standing in the rain with no raincoat or why he hadn't given them warning, no the Potters just welcomed him into their home like he belonged, like he had always bloody belonged!

It was the best time of his life for that week and a half. James and he got into all sorts of trouble and raced brooms and took hikes and stayed up late telling stories. Fleamont was a tad boring when he started talking about the hair stuff he invented way back when and how the current owner was ruining the sales. Which was sort of confusing because Fleamont still consulted for them but was retired. Luckily though James could get him to talk about Hogwarts and most importantly all the dueling he had to do because he was bullied. He was a kind man and Sirius felt bad he had been bullied so mercilessly at Hogwarts but it was also really cool since he trained them how to duel until James' mom caught on and put a stop to it.

Even when James' dad wasn't training them he could and would take interest in whatever he caught them talking about, he even gave them a few ideas for pranks. Euphemia Potter though she was more strict than Fleamont, if not by much, was everything his mother was not and it was absolutely incredible. Not only did she bake yummy treats, but she came up with crazy stories about her time as an Auror before she met Fleamont and those stories had them all at the edge of their seats. After hearing James' mom speak Sirius finally understood why James was always going on about Aurors, they were so cool! Of course, he still thought his uncle being a curse breaker was cooler but he wasn't going to tell them that.

They were quite honestly the coolest parents ever! He and James could basically get away with murder and even Euphemia who had and would again ground James, unlike Fleamont who'd cancel the grounding "once the lesson was learned", also was pretty lenient. She too had a great sense of humor and had even helped them prank Fleamont which started the most well-received prank battle he had ever been in. He was particularly proud of concocting a potion, anything went as long as it wasn't wandwork since they weren't allowed to do that, that made James' nose grow five times its original size.

James could be a bit of a poor sport about a lot but not pranks and he laughed it off as easily as his parents, Sirius had held back the first two days before he realized even if he put his genius into the pranks they wouldn't kick him out. James and he had even made extra of the potion to use on greasy Snivellus the first chance they got.

But Sirius knew it couldn't last forever and when they went to get their books at Hogsmeade he was proven right though he wished he had been wrong.


	3. Chapter Three: The Better Son and the Better Brother

Chapter 3: The Better Son and the Better Brother

Of course, when he woke up that morning he had no idea how bad everything would go. Foolishly enough, he had been excited to go shopping with James and his folks, and never even considered running into anybody.

Their day started with a very large breakfast, set out by Euphemia, who had sung to some old wizard band in a very off-key tone. When James had pointed out they had a guest, though, she had just smiled and said Sirius didn't count since he was practically family. Whether she was doing it just to give James a hard time or because she really meant it plagued Sirius as they shopped until James finally noticed his gloomy countenance.

"What's eating you, Sirius?"

"Nuthin," he mumbled around a sugar quill he had in his mouth, compliments of Mr. Potter, who had almost as big a sweet tooth as Peter and definitely a bigger one than James.

"Nuhu, you've been sulking for over an hour. Is it cuz Mum gave us money?" Sirius glanced at the pockets of his robe, which bulged with more than enough coins to buy everything on his list for Hogwarts and more, especially with the enormous sale happening at Potage's Cauldron Shop, and got jostled by someone in the crowd. After a year of use, all the students needed a new cauldron or they risked embarrassment in class if a potion ended up eating through an old cauldron. Of course, this meant that everyone was here, at least, it felt like every Hogwarts student was. Sirius had kept an eye out for Remus, but didn't have much hope of finding him, even if he was here; it was that crowded.

"Sirius?" Realizing he had taken too long to answer, he glanced at James, who just looked concerned. James, who he had been having such a good time with. James, who would tear up with worry over Remus, and let him do the same, without judgment. James, who had confessed he'd been an arse to Peter, though Sirius felt it justified, over how worried he was about him and Remus, and decided if anyone deserved the truth it was him.

"What your mum said earlier. You think she meant it?"

"What? Oh, about the Wicked Witch who'd come eat our fingers if we ate too much candy? Nah she's been talking rubbish about that since I can remember, though most of the time the warnings are for my dad," James laughed.

"No, I mean before," he grumbled in irritation. Surely James wasn't going to make him repeat it. Surely he wasn't going to make him ask if James' mother didn't mean what she said? But James smirked at him.

"I know, mate, I know you well enough by now. I was just having a go at you. Course she meant it. I think they might like you better than me even. It only makes sense we'd be like your family since your other one is terrible."

"They aren't all bad. Don't say that again and don't say they like me better!" he shouted, suddenly angry, and James glanced at him wearily.

"Don't go getting into one of your moods. I was only joking."

"Just don't!" he cautioned, unable not to think about his own brother, who his parents actually liked better. He wasn't sure why he had been so defensive about his family. Sure, he had complained to his mates thousands of times about how bloody terrible they were. But something about James saying it just irked him, though he couldn't say why.

"Look, it's Lily!" Suddenly James was grabbing his hand and rushing with him into the crowd. Normally, Sirius would have been annoyed at the detour, especially since he lost his sugar quill in the process, but for once he wanted to talk to Lily as bad as James did. He felt his grip on James' hand strain as he struggled not to let the crowd pull them apart. He tried not to let that happen, but someone bumped into him and his grip slipped, and then James was gone, but he had caught a glimpse of red just beforehand. So he made his way over to Lily, figuring James would be close behind. It took a lot of defensive shoving before he was stumbling out of the many people crowding the street and Lily was standing there looking at him, her hands on her hips.

"Black. What are you doing?"

"Catching up to you, obviously," Sirius responded, walking even more away from the crowd in case it expanded and sucked him back in.

"Yes, but you didn't have to be so aggressive. You knocked down that poor first year." Sirius didn't like her tone but glanced back where she pointed. He vaguely recalled using his elbows to shove his way through but he didn't think he actually hurt anyone. But sure enough, there was a small child crying, her father unsuccessfully trying to mollify her with ice cream.

"That's not a first year. No, that little girl, she's like, five." Lily gave him a look that made him feel dumb and he scowled.

"Yes, she is."

"No, she isn't, you can't know that for sure." Lily gave him a gloating smile that was usually reserved for James, though he couldn't understand why.

"Of course I do. That's Marlene's little sister Rebecca." Sirius turned around, shocked, after all, he was sure that little child was much younger than eleven.

"Blimey, we weren't that small, were we?" Lily laughed, and it might have been the first time she wasn't laughing at him or James. She had quite a pleasant-sounding laugh when she wasn't being a prat.

"I suppose we were. I don't feel taller, but my dad measured me and I'm three inches taller than I was last summer," she reported proudly. Sirius supposed she did look a bit taller, but he wasn't here to talk to her about height.

"Great for you," he said shortly, not sounding enthused at all. She frowned at him and opened her mouth, probably to say he was a git or whatever, but he pressed on.

"Have you heard from Remus?" The irritation that was spreading across her face melted away instantly and Sirius knew what the answer was going to be even before she said it.

"No, I haven't. If I hadn't personally tested them myself before summer I would think they were defective."

"Well, they aren't, my uncle would have informed me if they were shoddy," he replied coolly, and she frowned again. He was going to ask her how hard she tried to contact him, not that he didn't think she hadn't used the mirror every day since obtaining it, but he didn't get the chance.

"Lily, come on! Dad got in trouble with a shop owner for touching something he shouldn't have and I hate this place, I just want to go…" Petunia's tirade was cut short. Sirius didn't think it could be anyone else, at least it seemed to be her sister, from what he heard from Lily babbling to her friends about in the middle of the common room.

She wrinkled her nose as she reached her sister, looking at them as if they were rather nasty frogs. Sometimes girls looked at boys that way, at least he had seen Lily give James that look often enough, but her look spanned more than them as she looked at the Magical Menagerie store behind them. Sirius didn't think of a flower when he looked at her. She seemed a few years older than Lily, though not much taller, and he decided she wouldn't have been pretty, in a gangly way, even if she wasn't scowling so that her face twisted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Tuney."

"Quit calling me that, I'm not a little child anymore, like you!" Lily recoiled, looking crestfallen, and Sirius had the distinct impression that Petunia spoke to her in such a harsh tone often. Part of him understood Regulus was an annoying little toad sometimes and being the older sibling was a load of shite, but on the other hand, he didn't think he ever responded so scathingly to Regulus before. Sure, he teased him a bit, and maybe got in bitter arguments with him. But the older teenager was glaring at Lily with a loathing Sirius was more likely to see on his mother's face than Regulus was ever likely to see on his face directed at him.

"Hey, lay off her. She's discussing important business with me," he pointed out, his irritation at her behavior winning over understanding. She glanced back at him, looking surprised he was still there, then looking at him like he was an idiot. She and Lily were definitely sisters.

"This is none of your business." Then she turned back to Lily, who was looking uncomfortable, with a sneer.

"You really have a type, don't you, rude boys with greasy black hair."

"My hair is NOT greasy, and don't compare me to Snivellus."

"Snivellus, oh, that's perfect." Petunia laughed and Lily's scowl, that had been directed at her older sister, flashed to Sirius for an instant before settling back to her.

"Tuney, you are being a twat! I don't tease you about your boyfriends and neither Black nor Severus is mine. Maybe if you had actually hung out with me during the summer rather than just reminding me what a freak I am you'd know that. Or maybe if you had unglued your face from George's." Lily stood tall, her eyes blazing. Petunia's mouth fell open for a second before she let out a shriek as an owl hooted from the shop beside them and rage-filled her eyes.

"WHY would I WANT to hang out with you. Even when we were younger you always were a freak and you always will be. Never mind, don't come back with me. I hope you get lost, maybe that way mom and dad will finally shut up about you!" she shouted, her face going red and splotchy with rage, then she stormed off. Lily sniffed once, but when she faced him she wasn't crying and appeared quite calm, all things considered.

"Sorry about her. Anyways, Peter has the mirror now, I've been writing him back and forth for the last few weeks since he's the only one of you lot that's responded." Sirius never thought he'd feel bad for Lily Evans, of all people, but he could see her lip tremble, though she held back her tears bravely, and he knew all too well from first-hand experience how hurtful a once close relative's words could be.

"Sorry I'm not…..I...didn't write to anyone over the break. Hey, you want to go get ice cream?"

She eyed him suspiciously.

"Is James going to be waiting there? Or are you going to put something in my ice cream, Black?" she replied coolly, and he almost responded yes and just walked away. But there was still hurt in her eyes. He was becoming as bad as James with all his chivalrous drivel. Then again, he still had questions about Remus.

"No, I just….look, it's no secret my older cousins, other than Drommie, are absolute arses, so I get it, sort of." Lily's eyes widened in surprise, he was sure she'd send him off with a snobbish reply but instead she smiled.

"You're surprisingly nice when James isn't around. For what it's worth, your cousins really are awful and I don't think you're a traitor to your family." He nearly winced, because for all his cousins' talk last year, he didn't expect the whole of Hogwarts to know what they thought of him. At least Lily clearly thought his cousins were the only ones with that opinion. He wondered what she'd say if he told her his parents thought that as well.

"You're surprisingly not as snobbish without James around. And for what it's worth, I don't think you're a freak," he shot back, half expecting her to chew his ear off for calling her snobbish.

"Well, maybe I can be a bit of a snob, but only rarely. After my sister being so mean to me all summer, I've decided to be nicer to everyone." Sirius almost laughed. He gave it maybe a month at Hogwarts, and only that long because Lily was quite capable, though he'd never tell her that, then she'd start being a bossy snob again.

"Why are you smirking, Black?" she huffed, her smile gone.

"Even James?" he asked quickly and knew she'd chew him out this time.

"Even James, I suppose." She laughed. Sirius was stunned and couldn't wait to try it out. He suddenly was very sad James wouldn't be at the ice cream shop and had most certainly been swallowed alive by the crowd and killed.

"Now, I appreciate the offer for ice cream, but I need to pick out my pet and return to my parents." Surely if they stayed in this area James would find them eventually and then Sirius could see how long Lily's promise lasted.

"I like pets, and animals worship me, so I can help you pick out a good one." She agreed quickly, which surprised him, and they entered the shop to the owls hanging in cages out front hooting in delight. After browsing the cages of cats, since Petunia refused to have an owl and apparently Lily's parents didn't want to push, Lily admitted she let Sirius join her because she was sure with his help she'd find a very tolerant cat indeed.

Never mind, Sirius gave her two weeks tops at being back at Hogwarts until she was a snob once more, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying her company at the minute, though he'd take that secret with him to his grave.

…

If James had caught up to him and Lily, and they had all left together, the rest of the day probably would have been fine, even if it meant putting up with their bickering until Lily stomped off. But James had not caught up to them. After helping Lily pick out a little grey kitten whose little left ear drooped, he said his goodbyes to her, as she couldn't wait to get back and show her parents.

He could blame it on James all he wanted because as often as he looked out the window, his friend hadn't made his way to the spot he'd first seen Lily, but truthfully, he had just stayed to look at the animals, which was a mistake on his part.

"Thank you, Mom, I'm so excited!" Sirius felt himself go cold and hastily put back the cross-eyed toad he'd been half planning to buy and ducked behind the aisle. Regulus! He knew his brother would be in Hogwarts this year, okay, maybe he had forgotten, but their family under no uncertain terms ever, ever had pets. Even the family owl was never in the house and when his brother asked him why, and Sirius had teased it was because the house-elves were enough pets, Regulus had actually gotten mad at him.

"Of course, Regulus, but don't run," came his mother's annoyed drawl, but it lacked the edge she usually, more like always, lately, had with Sirius.

"Can I really pick anything, Mother?" Regulus asked in his best "I'm a good mature boy" tone that made all the adults gush over him, the stupid suck up.

"I know you'll actually be in Slytherin and make us proud, so yes, as long as you keep it in your room when at home and take care of it." She sounded disgusted at the prospect, but Sirius felt his heart clench. She was actually going to let him get a pet. When Sirius was five he had found a stray puppy and hid it in his room for over a month, sneaking little PuppPupp outside when necessary, until one of the house-elves found it. His mother never confronted him about it but the next day the little puppy was gone and Sirius to this day had no clue what happened to it. His mother hated all animals! They had been through three owls before she found one aloof enough that she actually fed and let deliver the messages.

"But what if I'm in Gryffindor, Mom? I'm so scared I will be."

"Nonsense, Regulus, don't say that. You know you are our favorite son and you certainly are nothing like your elder brother. I honestly don't know where we went wrong with him. I blame how often we let him visit my brother. Good thing we at least kept you from his questionable influence. If Sirius doesn't straighten out then he will be removed from the tree and you will be heir," she replied. Hearing her say that so matter-of-factly...well, it was like a knife had suddenly stabbed Sirius in the back.

"He'll straighten out, though, Mom, he will," Regulus piped up quickly, and some of the anger Sirius had been feeling, at least towards Regulus, lessened.

"I hope so, Regulus. I certainly hope he will grow out of it. A public denouncement of his Hogwarts' house ties to those who matter should be able to smooth over his shameful placing. But if he keeps running away I don't see how we will shape him."

"But…...he didn't have any lessons over summer, he was just ignored mostly." Sirius groaned, but it was covered by a frog's croak. Regulus was being foolish, talking back to her and surely would not get a pet now, even if he was lucky enough to avoid a slap.

"Regulus!" Sirius could hear the anger and surprise in his mother's voice and waited for the slap.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean any disrespect," Regulus cried immediately. Sirius relaxed, his little brother had always been a lot better at groveling than him.

"If you must know, your brother won't have any lessons until he apologizes for his behavior. Your father thinks he should be beaten into submission, but I was as stubborn as him at his age and goodness knows he digs his heels in. No, he'll wise up and come running to us, after all, he'll need money soon." She sounded amused, and Sirius wanted to shout at her that he wouldn't because the Potters were the best and she was the worst. Instead, he felt tears sting his eyes. She had never spoken to him as honestly or calmly as she was speaking to Regulus. She even sounded amused at the end, and gave a short, cold laugh at Regulus' nervous sounding one.

"Now hurry up, your father is waiting for us. I'll wait outside." He could tell the last part had been said with a handkerchief around her mouth and nose due to her disgust of animals, but he was covering his own mouth and nose to stop himself from sobbing. He heard the chime go off as she left and some stuffy sounding wizard telling Regulus he was free to look, just not touch, until he was sure that was the one he wanted.

"S….Sirius!" He looked up at Regulus, staring at him in shock. There he was, crouching down with the toads, tears running down his face as his little brother looked down on him. It was humiliating.

"Why on earth would you want to buy a toad?" he exclaimed, unsure what else to say. He expected Regulus to give his little nervous laugh and explain his reasoning. After all, he usually ignored Sirius when he was crying or hurt, per his request. Instead, Regulus frowned- annoyance, no, anger, in his dark brown eyes.

"You left without a word! I should tell Mom you're hiding in here and she'll drag you back home."

"Don't you dare, Regulus."

"Why shouldn't I? You've caused Mom and Dad so much distress."

"What about the distress they caused me?" he snapped, not quite believing they were having this conversation. Regulus knew what they did to him, knew all about it, even if he pretended not to!

"You heard Mother. If you just apologize this all ends. If you just say sorry we can be a family."

"I won't apologize for being in Gryffindor and not being a nasty blood supremacist!"

"Then I'll go tell Mother!"

"If….if you do then I'll make your life at Hogwarts hell." He wasn't quite sure where the threat came from. It had been directed at him from his cousins many times, but he never would have imagined he'd say the same to Regulus. Clearly Regulus didn't either. Regulus glanced around and grabbed a cage off a shelf. Sirius didn't even get to see what the toad looked like before he was turning away from him.

"You'll wise up soon, Sirius. When you do we'll be a family again," Regulus calmly replied, back facing Sirius, though he had stopped walking. If he had actually been calm, Sirius might have thrown something at him, but Regulus' right leg was shaking as he bounced his foot, a nervous habit he'd always had.

"You're a bloody twat, Regulus. I can't believe I ever wanted you to be in the same house I was in," he replied coolly, knowing that would hurt his little brother, who not that long ago had all but worshipped him, until his blasted mother turned him against him. It wasn't fair!

"I can't believe I wanted to be in the same house as you either," Regulus responded, sounding dangerously close to tears. He always had been a cry baby, but as he walked away, Sirius realized more tears had somehow made their way down his own face.


	4. Chapter Four: Peter's Party

Chapter Four: Peter's Party

'You are invited to Peter's 12th Birthday Party,

Date: August 29th

Where: Peter's house (you already know my address)

What: My mom's making me write this. My aunts and uncles will be there and we will set off fireworks so it should be fun. Please please come.'

James read the letter again and sighed. He hadn't contacted Peter since the disastrous camping trip, though he had let Sirius write him, as long as he promised not to say he was at James'. Luckily, Sirius understood, at least sort of. If only his mother hadn't seen the invite before he had.

"Oh, you must go, James!" As if he had a choice. He wasn't that much of an arse to ditch his mate's birthday. Besides, Sirius would be with him, and maybe it would cheer him up. No matter how often he had apologized for losing Sirius in the crowd, even explaining he had been trying to chase down Remus, who he was sure he had seen, his best friend was still upset with him.

Worse, James had no idea why. Sure, Sirius had to talk to Lily alone, but she wasn't that bad. He suspected something had happened but he wasn't sure what. Maybe Sirius was just angry James hadn't caught Remus. Well, he was angry about that too! He had spent over an hour trying to catch up to him before he had turned down a dead-end and James could no longer find him. So he had no choice but to check all five of the shops that had encircled the area, but it had proved pointless.

"You think he'll be there?" he asked Sirius, who was dangling off his bed, muttering about how stupid toads were, though James had no idea why.

"No," Sirius said flatly, and James sighed, letting himself fall back against his pillow, and kicking Sirius' legs so he went falling off his bed with a flump.

"I think Lily will be there though," Sirius added, still in that flat tone that was really starting to piss him off. James suddenly realized Peter's party wouldn't be half bad after all, but then he frowned.

"Why, did he invite her?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you." Sirius suddenly popped up from the ground, grinning ear to ear.

"What is it?" James asked, though he didn't think there was anything he would actually mind, as long as Sirius kept smiling, and didn't go back to being a bump on a log.

"Lily's been writing him allllll summer~"

"WHAT?" he shouted, and all the irritation he had felt at Peter came rushing back. Then he reminded himself it was Peter and no one would date Peter, certainly not Lily. Not that he wanted to date her or anything. Sirius laughed at him, telling him his face was red, and he quickly looked back at the invite he was holding.

"Well, it ought to be quite a party then," James sighed, about to set the invite on his bedside table, when suddenly Sirius leaped onto the bed, whacking him with a pillow.

"You'll pay for that, Black!" he shouted as Sirius took off running, out of his room and down the hall. Quickly reaching for a pillow of his own, he kept shouting with mock frustration, but he was grinning ear to ear. At least Sirius was back to normal.

….

"Peter, darling, calm down."

"I can't calm down! It has to be perfect, Mum, or I'll never hear the bloody end of it."

"Language!" his mother shouted after him, but he ignored her, racing out the door to the barn, where two of his uncles were fighting over what streamers to use and how many fireworks to explode.

"Uncle Jack, can you start the bonfire now? And can you enchant it so different figures come out of it?" His uncle reached over and lightly punched Peter's gut.

"Sure thing, kiddo. With this girl of yours you invited, you're gonna need some mood lighting~" His uncle snickered, his other uncle making kissing noises, and Peter felt his cheeks go red.

"I've told you a hundred times, it's not like that. Besides, even if I did like her, which I definitely don't, one of my mates already likes her and there's no way she'd pick me." It was true, though he didn't mind it much, because even though Lily's letters had been really nice, especially since the only other person he had heard from since leaving James' was Sirius, he didn't like her like that. Girls were still so…..yuck.

"Peter Pettigrew, don't talk like that," Uncle Jack scolded, and Uncle Silvester pulled him into a headlock.

"That's right! Our itty bitty Peter is growing up to be so handsome and talented," Uncle Silvester replied, in a half-mocking tone, though Peter knew he was mocking his sister, Peter's mom, not him.

"Besides you've lost that baby fat over the summer with all the work we've been having you do, and you've grown an inch since being home, I swear you have."

"And who can resist a blue-eyed, blond itty bitty Peter~" He shoved them off, about to point out that his inch wasn't enough to make him tall, and girls liked tallboys not short ones. Not that he wanted to date any girl, it just might be a bit nice if they liked him. But at that moment he heard the crack of the portkey appearing and all other thoughts vanished.

"They're here!" he shouted excitedly and took off running.

"Don't worry, we'll finish the decorations all by ourselves, I guess," Uncle Jack called after him. Peter was sure James and Sirius would love all his family and that they'd love his friends. He was right about them arriving, Fleamont Potter was standing with Sirius and James, both of whom were looking around, wide-eyed.

"Blimey, Peter, this is the biggest pegasus farm I've ever seen!" They all hugged, and both James and Sirius wished him a happy birthday before they demanded to see these fireworks and Fleamont left, telling them he had to make sure there would be adults here.

"DAAAAD, I told you, like, all of Peter's family are adults."

"Other than me and my little brother." Mr. Potter smiled—he was so nice—and told James that he still had, to no matter how much it annoyed him. Then, with a playful grin, added that he could stay and tell some rather embarrassing stories of James if he'd prefer. Pushing Mr. Potter away, James insisted he did not want that and actually told his dad to get lost, though he laughed afterward. Sometimes James talked to Fleamont the way Peter sometimes talked to his uncles, it was quite strange.

"Your dad is so nice!" he said quickly, flinching when James shot an annoyed look at him, though he couldn't understand why. He didn't think he should have said Fleamont wasn't nice instead.

"Come on, I want to pet the Pegasus!" Sirius shouted, already taking off down the hill towards the vast fields that to any muggle would seem to be filled with horses. Peter was about to tell James sorry, but he slapped Peter's back, nearly making him stumble, and shouted that the last one there was a rotten dragon's egg before bolting down the hill after Sirius. Peter tried with all his might to catch up, but he was right in assuming James and Sirius had grown taller too and it was no surprise to him that he was the rotten dragon's egg.

…

"Rotten dragons' egg, rotten dragons' egg~" they sang hours later, and Peter pouted, but he let it go. He was having fun, after all, and he was so glad Sirius and James had come before the actual party started...he really was. They petted the Pegasus, though it took James and Peter to drag Sirius away before he could ride one. He wasn't sure what Sirius meant when he hollered that he wanted to go for a joy ride, but James didn't seem to know either, so they ignored him. Sometimes Sirius was really weird.

Then Peter got to show off how well he could fly—he'd been practicing so hard all summer. Only he made the mistake of letting James ride his broom after his friend begged to, and the result was his friend crashed it doing a cool stunt.

"Sorry, Peter! To be fair, it was a crappy model."

"It's okay, James," he quickly replied, even though he felt really sad about it. Still, James didn't seem upset with him anymore, so it was fine. Peter just had to leave them for a few minutes to hide his broom. If his aunt, who bought it for him, found the broom now with a giant crack running along it, which made the broom now jerk left at odd times, she might not be so lenient with James. He'd ask his Uncle Carmin to fix it, he was the best at keeping a secret.

"What now?" Sirius called impatiently once he returned. Peter frowned, trying to think of something else. He didn't think James and Sirius would like to help his mom in the kitchen or play with his little brother, who had already tried to bombard them with questions before Uncle Silvester took him into the house. Peter had wanted from the beginning to show them his room and just talk to them about how all their summers had been. Mostly about his, honestly, but they had shot down the idea earlier. Today was his birthday, meaning he was finally supposed to be the center of attention with his friends! He'd waited almost a whole year for this day!

"Do you have any other animals, Peter?" James asked, glancing around as if expecting, or hoping, to see a whole zoo in Peter's backyard. He shifted, wishing very much he did have a zoo in his backyard, so his friends would think he was the coolest.

"Well, we have some dogs, and one of our cats recently had a litter." Sirius' eyes had lit up as soon as the word "dogs" was out of Peter's mouth, and now he was jumping up and down excitedly. Peter grinned, finding it very easy to picture Sirius with a tail that was wagging furiously. James seemed less enthused, mumbling he meant magical creatures, though some cats were rumored to have magical properties, but he grew more enthused at Sirius' over the top excitement, and agreed to go see them.

"Right this way," Peter called, feeling extremely proud when they followed behind him, followed him! He could hardly believe it!

"How many dogs do you have? What colors are they? What types? Do any of them look crazy? I love pets that look odd!" Sirius bombarded Peter as they walked, but he was happy to explain all about the three dogs on the farm, and by the time they reached the house, where the dogs mainly stayed, Sirius was quite confident he could tell them apart and get them to love him.

"I'm telling you, Peter, dogs love me!"

"Probably because you are one," James teased and they all laughed. Peter beamed, deciding once more that he was quite content with how his birthday was going so far.

"Here's….." He was going to show them his room, pretending he expected one of the dogs to be in there but at that moment one of the dogs ran up tail wagging.

"No, no, no, don't say anything, Peter, I have to prove to James I'm a dog whisperer. Let me guess this one is….." Peter watched as Sirius puzzled over Ada, who warmed up to him right away. The four-year-old border collie licked Sirius' face as he laughed and petted her.

"Ada!" he decided, and Peter nodded, causing him to whoop with delight. James rolled his eyes.

"We might as well leave him here, he'll probably be a while." Peter was quick to agree; he loved hanging out with just James, who was by far the friend he admired and liked the most.

"I'll show you my room." For a second it looked like James was going to protest, but then he looked at Sirius, who was now trying to fend off Baxter and Ada's attack of kisses on his face, and shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" He led James to his room, suddenly feeling self-conscious about it. He didn't remember it seeming so small and messy this morning.

"Do….do you like it?" he asked nervously.

"Huh? Oh….yeah, sure, it's fine." Not exactly the reaction he would have liked James to have, but he'd take it.

"Hey, Peter, you have the mirror, right? Have you tried contacting Remus today? Maybe he'll answer since it's your birthday." Peter hadn't even thought about it. Truthfully, he had stopped trying to contact Remus after a few days, his aunts and uncles kept him busy around the farm so he didn't have much time.

"No, not yet. I was waiting for you and Sirius," he replied, careful not to let on he had forgotten about contacting Remus entirely. James smiled at him and he felt ecstatic, he loved it when he had his approval.

"Good thinking. But…" His smile fell as he glanced at the door, though Peter couldn't understand why.

"Only let's keep this between us. Sirius will be preoccupied for a while, and he gets really upset when Remus is brought up. Like really upset, and I just want him to have a good day you know?" Peter almost asked James what about him? I mean, thinking about Remus was upsetting for him too, and it was his birthday after all. Shouldn't James be more concerned with him having a good day over Sirius? But he didn't say that he just pulled out the mirror.

"Remus Lupin," he called firmly, sitting on his bed. James huddled next to him, practically leaning on his shoulder, and he wanted to shoo him as his friend tried to grab the now rippling mirror from his hands.

"H…..Happy Birthday Peter." It's not that Peter had forgotten Remus when inviting people to his party, but none of them had a clue where he was, and from what Peter could see, it looked like he'd been living in the woods. All he could see was trees in the background, and Remus' face was smeared with dirt. He was giving Peter a rather lopsided smile, looking more nervous than pleased.

"Remus!" James shouted, and before Peter could even reply to Remus, the mirror was out of his hands and into James'. It was his turn to lean on James, now having to struggle to even see Remus anymore.

"H…..hi James." Peter could see his eyes flick from one of them to the other nervously. He looked guilty, had a similar expression to the one Peter had worn when his mother faced him after he stole a snack from "her Kitchen." Glancing at James, he realized his friend looked as disapproving of Remus as his mother was of him when he did something wrong. Though Peter couldn't quite understand what Remus had done wrong. It's not like James or Sirius had kept much contact with him over summer!

"You didn't contact a single one of us once! Do you know how worried we've all been?"

"Is Sirius there? Is he ok?"

James hesitated, looking cross, then sighed.

"Yeah, well, as okay as Sirius can be. He's been staying with my family the past two weeks, and from what I could get out of him his mum has mostly been ignoring him." Peter felt outraged and very hurt. He hadn't known Sirius had been with James, and more importantly, why hadn't they invited him over if they were hanging out?

"That's good, I've been really worried. I tried to contact him every day."

"Yeah, well, I tried contacting you every day, and so did Lily and Peter." James huffed, sounding annoyed, but he gave Remus a grin that Peter would have mirrored if he didn't feel so put off at being excluded.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay. Where are you?"

"I can't say. I'm glad Sirius is okay, and that you're all hanging out for Peter's birthday."

"Hang on, let me get him, he'll be thrilled to see you."

"No!" Remus sounded alarmed, and his big eyes widened. He would have looked funny if he didn't look so afraid.

"I don't have much time. I just...Happy birthday, Peter. You lot take care and I'll see you in a week."

"Wait, Remus, don't…." But Remus disappeared, and Peter sighed, setting the mirror down. James snatched it up again and stated Remus' name several times before he too gave up.

"So you and Sirius have been hanging out without me?" he asked in a small voice, doing very well, at least in his opinion, to keep the hurt out of his tone.

"Shut up, Peter." James sighed.

Just then, Sirius burst through the door, three border collies right behind him, their tails wagging playfully. More surprising than Sirius being right about animals, at least dogs liking him though, was the little fuzzy blob in his arms.

"Oh, Peter, can I keep him, please, can I keep him? There are so many little guys but this one is Elvis and I love him and if Regulus can have a pet so can I, dammit!" He sounded quite frustrated at the end, but he grinned and thrust out the little black kitten. Peter had named all the kittens, who were born two months ago, near the start of summer. Sirius was holding little Alphie, which was a much better name than Elvis. He didn't feel like letting Sirius have any of the kittens, not because his family planned to keep them all, but because he and James hadn't invited him over once over the past two weeks. It was so unfair!

"No."

"Oh, Peter, pleeeease."

"Sirius."

"Shut up, James, I'm trying to get a kitten. He's perfect! Look at all the fur on his head, he looks just like Elvis, haha." Peter didn't have any idea who Elvis was, and quietly asked, but James ignored him and said loudly "it's about Remus", so he decided that only Sirius knew what the kitten's name meant.

Saying Remus' name to Sirius had an immediate effect. Clutching a squirming Elvis to his chest, Sirius wilted to the ground.

"What about him?" he asked worriedly.

"We talked to him. Not for long. He basically wished Peter a happy birthday and left."

"...Oh."

"He looked alright, Sirius," James assured him, but even that didn't seem to cheer him up. Peter frowned and considered letting Sirius keep Elvis before his entire birthday was ruined.

"Oh."

"Sirius, he said he tried contacting you every day, nothing about trying to contact the rest of us, but you, he tried contacting each day, and he asked if you were okay right away. Why didn't you talk to him?" Tears filled Sirius' eyes, and he wiped them quickly. Normally they all had an unspoken rule, that Peter hated, that they simply ignored it when one of them started crying, which usually just meant Peter.

Back in Hogwarts, Peter had cried about failing a homework assignment, and over missing home, and over worrying about his friends, but only Remus seemed to care. Remus typically never followed the rules James and Sirius set, whether they were spoken or unspoken, which Peter really did admire him for, but he also envied him for it as well.

However, this time James teared up as well as he went over and hugged Sirius, who cried into his shoulder. Peter never knew when the rules applied and didn't, he only knew that James and Sirius got to decide that. He wasn't sure why Sirius and James were crying, but he wasn't about to be left out of this as well, so he started crying too.

"Come here, Peter. It's alright, he's ok….we saw him, Sirius, and he's ok." Peter joined the hug quickly, struggling not to smile. Why were they crying? Remus was fine, so what was the problem?

"I was so worried, James. I was so bloody worried every day!"

"I know, mate, me too. Me too."

"Me too," Peter hastily added, quite enjoying the group hug. Why couldn't this happen every time one of them cried? Maybe it was only if someone cried about Remus. I mean, his situation was sad, but he had gotten good grades so he shouldn't have been hurt, and he'd be fine at Hogwarts this year. However, Peter figured if crying about him got this kind of response, he could find it in him to cry about Remus more.

"He asked about me and he remembered Peter's birthday. So that means he still wants to be friends, right?" Peter flinched; he couldn't imagine being friends with James and Sirius without Remus to console him when they were too mean or help him with his grades.

"He has to be our friend!" he protested loudly.

"That's right, Peter, he has too. Don't worry, Sirius, you forced him to be our friend once, and if we really have to we'll do it again."

"I hope not," Peter moaned, not sure he could stand another year where Remus was the center of attention. This year it was his turn. He was going to tell them about his dad and they'd all feel bad for him and take care of him. He could hardly wait.

"I hope not either, mate," Sirius agreed, still sounding weepy. Peter sighed, he supposed he didn't have a chance anymore.

"I've changed my mind, Sirius, you can keep Al….Elvis." Sirius detached himself from the hug, which abruptly ended it, and beamed, picking up the little kitten, who had stayed at his side while they were hugging.

"You hear that, Elvis? You're coming to Hogwarts with me!" In response, Elvis let out a little mew, and Sirius gushed over him. James laughed slightly and patted Peter's back.

"You're a good friend, mate." Peter beamed as well. He was, wasn't he!

…

Never had there been a more perfect kitten than Elvis. Oh, sure, Sirius was more of a dog person when it came down to it, but when he saw the weird little kitten with a tuft of swooping black fur on his head, it was love at first sight.

"You do realize that if my dad and mom say he can't be at the house with us, you'll have to leave him for a few days with Peter." Sirius turned to Peter, who was trying once more to point out some stuff in his bland room, well, bland in comparison to James' rooms anyways, and cut him off.

"Peter, you have to swear...no solemnly swear that if Mr. and Mrs. Potter don't let me take Elvis home you'll watch after him for me." Peter looked irritated for a second but then grinned.

"Of course I will, Sirius. What are mates for? And I'm the best one!" Sirius laughed, but agreed that Peter was, indeed, the best mate, which made him puff up.

"Now let's go back outside. People should be arriving soon, right?" James protested, looking a little sulky himself. Though when Sirius pointed out Peter would probably let him have a kitten too, he just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, let's go before my little brother comes and bothers us. I think my mom is distracting him, but if he realizes we are in here he won't let us be." Sirius could understand that, or at least he used to be able to. He rubbed his face against Elvis, who purred and made him feel better.

"Sure, it's nearly four, and I bet Lily will be right on time," James pointed out, then, realizing how eager he sounded, hastily added, "I only mean, it will be fun to tease her and make her all mad." This time it was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes.

But James was right, and exactly at four Dorcas, Marlene, and Lily appeared with a portkey. Lily's face went green and she swayed dangerously—Sirius suspected she had to hold back her own vomit—but she recovered quickly.

"Happy birthday, Peter!" the three girls shouted once Lily wasn't in threat of losing her lunch. Peter blushed and beamed, stammering his thanks. All three girls were wearing cute little summer dresses which were so colorful they must have been muggle fashion. Lily had a headband holding back her red hair and even though she looked nice, Sirius was surprised James hadn't made some remark on how silly she looked or something.

He glanced at James, whose eyes had gone wide and who seemed at a loss for words.

"You ladies look nice," he said smoothly because someone had too. He couldn't remember Marlene a whole lot from year one because they had mostly avoided the girls, but she went dark red at his words and giggled until Dorcas elbowed her. Sirius turned to smirk at James because that's how you dealt with women after all, but James was still gaping at Lily, who was pretending he didn't exist. Irritated James had missed the moves that Uncle Alphard had taught him, he directed his attention to Dorcas, who looked as unimpressed as ever, but when she caught Peter's eyes she grinned.

"Oh, Peter, your letter doesn't do this place justice. Are those the Pegasi'?" Of course, the girls wanted to go pet them, which Sirius would have been fine with, only Peter was a twat and wouldn't let him ride one, so what was the point? Instead, he sat down with his kitten as the other first-year boys arrived and they all tramped off towards the pastures.

"You won't ever ditch me for some girl, will you, Elvis~" He sighed and tried very hard not to think about a certain friend of his who had tried to talk to him every day, his chest feeling tight.

After some time, they all returned and the party really got started. Other than James acting stranger than usual, the party went well. Peter's aunts and uncles were all a lot of fun and only stopped relating embarrassing stories after Peter begged them to stop, nearly in tears. They laughed it off, but Peter slipped away, and even if Lily hadn't gone after him, Sirius wouldn't have followed. His friend had to stop being so sensitive.

It was amusing watching Lily be nicer to James, though how she was supposed to do that when he wouldn't talk to her seemed to be quite a struggle for her. She gave James a few smiles but after a few times realized she had just made it worse and stalked off as if James was purposely acting this way to piss her off. That would have been loads better but Sirius knew that wasn't why James was doing it.

So he did his best to ignore him and danced with Dorcas and watched the show the bonfire had become. After a simple dinner of pizza, Mrs. Pettigrew let them ride the Pegasi, but Elvis had fallen asleep in his lap so he skipped it. He also had to make sure, according to Peter, that Mrs. Pettigrew would let him keep Elvis, which, luckily, she seemed delighted to do.

"Hey, Sirius." He looked up at Lily, who sat beside him, and reached her hand out to pet Elvis.

"You'll wake him up," he whispered to her, but Elvis merely purred some more and readjusted himself in Sirius' lap. He was too cute!

"You really like animals, huh?" she whispered back, looking thoughtful.

"Of course, whoever doesn't like animals is a terrible person." She grinned at that, nodding her agreement, then frowned once more.

"But you don't like magical creatures...not the classified beasts anyways?"

"Course not, they are monsters," he hissed, habitually shivering as he remembered the dementor. Lily scowled and crossed her arms looking pensive.

"How can you say that? They aren't all monsters," she huffed.

"Um, pretty sure they are," he huffed back at her and she glared at him a moment before shaking her head, looking sad.

"Never mind, I'm not going to argue with you. I wanted to make sure you were ok missing riding a Pegasus, Mrs. Pettigrew is teaching us all how to very well." He shook his head again.

"Also Peter told me he and James got to talk to Remus."

"So?" he asked sharply, dropping the volume of his voice quickly as Elvis yawned.

"So…..I just wanted to make sure you were alright," she explained, with exaggerated patience.

"Obviously not. Are you?"

"Obviously not." He nodded, still feeling heavy about Remus.

"He didn't seem hurt, according to James, so…"

"Yeah," she sighed, but sounded even sadder.

"Just….give him some space. I'm sure he had a hard summer," she pointed out gently. The last thing Sirius wanted to do was give Remus space, but he thought about how alone he had been for most of the summer and how he almost hadn't stayed with James because he was too scared.

"Yeah ...yeah, I will. I hope his mom didn't die."

"Me too, Sirius. We're doing gifts and cake after the rides and you should join us, ok?" Sirius nodded and as Lily walked away, her ponytail swinging back and forth, he realized that if he couldn't get the truth out of Remus, he might just be able to get it out of Lily, if he painstakingly kept being nice to her.


	5. Chapter Five: Sissy's Deal

Chapter Five: Sissy's Deal

The last few days of summer seemed non-existent to James and Sirius. But Sirius, at least, was excited to get back to Hogwarts, even if it meant possibly running into Regulus. He wished that Drommie hadn't graduated, and was extremely happy Bellatrix had. Over the summer he hadn't heard from Drommie because she had been erased from the family and, had she even tried to contact him, the family owl was trained to take the mail only to his mother. But he knew he should start hearing from her once he was in Hogwarts and, if Regulus was extra nice, he might even let him know she was doing ok. Then again, maybe not.

"Oi, why are you scowling? You're going to get lost if you don't stick near me," James called over the bustle of the train station. They had found Platform 9 ¾ with ease and Sirius had strode through it without even thinking about it.

"Sorry, just thinking about Regulus."

"Don't think about Regulus, mate, he won't even be in the same house as us. Instead, worry about how unbearable Peter is going to be now." Sirius hated that he still wanted Regulus to be a Gryffindor. He was sure if he could just make Regulus understand, everything would be fine between them again. Even if Regulus was in Hufflepuff, which he could definitely see, or Ravenclaw, he'd be proud of his little brother, just anything but Slytherin.

"I think Peter will be fine, you're just jealous," he replied distractedly, his eyes darting around in case he saw his family.

"Am not!" James retorted loudly, shooting an innocent look as his mother turned back to them, eyebrows raised.

"Are you both ready?"

"Yes, mom."

"Yes, Mrs. Potter," they called at the same time. She grinned at them.

"You boys stay out of trouble and look out for one another." She hugged James, who tried to squirm away, and even hugged Sirius, which felt weird.

"Tell dad I'll write," James called to her, smiling to show he was merely embarrassed with his mom. Sirius had been surprised when Mr. Potter couldn't come due to a meeting of Speakeasy's board. Apparently he had a hard time accepting that he had retired. At least, that was how James said his mom explained it.

"I'll race you," James whispered and took off towards the train, his cart rattling loudly as he ran, but not quite loud enough to drain out Mrs. Potter's stern shout not to run. Grinning, Sirius ran as well, nearly missing a Hufflepuff student, who shot a dark glare after him. James beat him, but only because he cheated, and soon they were seated in their compartment, arguing good-naturedly about the results of the race, and waiting for Peter and Remus.

It didn't take long for Peter to join them, and James was right; he was unbearable. He kept saying how much wiser he was now and how he could "give them advice" if they needed it. Give them advice? Him! It was outrageous. Up until the night of Peter's birthday he had been terrified to speak to a girl alone for more than a few minutes. But now he hinted that his "more experienced" self could understand things he previously had not.

"I reckon I'll have a girlfriend before the year's up."

"Yeah, right!" James scoffed derisively. He was more upset about it than Sirius, and definitely jealous though he refused to admit it.

"Of course I will! Now that…"

"Don't talk about it! Stupid Marlene, stupid party, I'm warning you, Pettigrew, mention it again and I'll pummel you." Peter deflated, but not nearly as much as he would have last year.

"But I have to tell Remus all about it," he whined and James shook his head violently.

"You can tell him on your own time." Peter frowned but said nothing, turning to look out the window. Sirius raised an eyebrow at James, who pretended not to notice. After a few minutes, he changed the topic to Quidditch, because if Remus walked in and they were being sullen he might think it was his fault, and he didn't want to start off the year that way.

"It's stupid we can't bring our own brooms," James muttered, having gotten the latest model last year for his birthday. Sirius thought it was a rubbish rule as well, but he was a little relieved because if James tried out for the spot of chaser on his own broom he'd definitely get an unfair advantage. As much as James was his best mate, Sirius, after practicing with James over the summer, had decided to also audition to be a chaser, making James his opponent as well as his friend.

Of course, there should be two spots open, but Sirius knew more people than he and James would be trying out to be a chaser, and the bottom line was if James didn't do as good that was one person Sirius didn't have to worry about beating. Of course, he'd root on his friend anyways, but James would have been practically cheating if he'd brought his broom from home. Unless James would have let him use it as well, at least for auditions, then it absolutely would not be cheating and merely a tactical advantage, Sirius decided.

"Guys, the train is gonna move..." Peter suddenly cut in, and sure enough, there was a lurch and the Hogwarts Express' whistle split the silence before it started moving. Sirius sighed heavily and glanced at their compartment door.

"I'll go check and make sure the Slytherins haven't already kidnapped him," he half teased, though he realized he also wanted to see Regulus and make sure he was ok. Even if he was with his toad. Actually that would be better. Then Sirius could bring up Elvis without making it seem like he was bragging. He glanced at the kitten, asleep between him and James, then met his friend's eyes, who seemed as disappointed as him.

"Well, maybe he's with Lily, so I'll start there."

"Oooh, I'll come too. I want to say hello to Marlene."

"For the thousandth time, Peter, she doesn't like you!" Sirius left them to it, tucking Elvis into the pocket of his robes, and taking off down the halls. The first years never knew where to sit, and he passed many still wandering around, looking helpless. He hoped Regulus would be among them, but he should have known that Narcissa would have already snagged him. Other than the first years and the prefects, most of the train sections could be divided by house, at least, by where the majority of the students of that house could be found.

Ravenclaws were right after the prefects upfront as if by sitting near them, they could be more like them. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff mixed in the middle pretty decently, probably because they were the two houses that got along the most, on average. Which left the slimy Slytherins where they belonged, dead last. That was exactly where he found Regulus, who, sure enough, was with Narcissa and a few other older students she was introducing him to.

He tried to leave as soon as he realized that, but Narcissa opened up the door. Surprisingly, she didn't look mad or even upset he had been "snooping". She motioned for him and, a bit hesitant, he walked over to her.

"I haven't seen you all summer. Regulus told me you were under lockdown until you ran away." There was an edge of disapproval in her voice, but compared to last year she was being tame with him. Still, it put him on edge, especially with Regulus watching from the compartment. She was just behaving because the baby of the family was a witness, after all.

"You're gonna tell everyone that. Slander my name?" For a second she looked annoyed, then she shook her head, tsking him.

"You really ought to grow up soon, Sirius, I have much more important things to do that annoy my little cousin."

"Like make sure Regulus is a 'proper' Black," he replied scathingly, and surprise flashed across her face before it grew cold.

"I don't see how that's any of your business. I will say that you are to stay away from him. My mother and your mother don't want him.." She wrinkled her nose as if suddenly smelling something bad, and her smile became crueler, "consorting with the wrong people after all."

"Then you better let me take him before his heart is filled with hate," he snapped, though quickly losing the glare on his face. Regulus was watching very closely from what Sirius could see of him from the corner of his eye. Nowadays there was no telling what the little git would do or say to their mother. He took a deep breath and was surprised when Narcissa did the same. She almost looked regretful.

"Any time you're willing to come to your senses, a great deal of my house is pissed at you, but I've retained many of the loyalties Bella had and…"

"Don't mention her to me!" he snarled, and both she and Regulus jumped. He turned away from the compartment, so his back was to Regulus. It left him standing awkwardly beside Sissy, but he didn't trust his facial expressions.

"For once, could you be civil?" she sniffed.

"You know why I'm not," he answered darkly. She had been there to hear Bella's retort, and if Sissy somehow wasn't twisted enough to be a Death Eater, she knew her older sister was, and just how well she could carry out her threats.

"Did….did she hurt that mudblood friend of yours?" she asked, though she didn't sound too concerned about it, merely interested. Sirius realized Narcissa must not have had a lot of contact with Bella either, probably because Bella was sucking up to Voldemort, ugh.

"No, but I don't take kindly to someone threatening my friend. If I recall correctly, at least one of those cocks were amongst those who nearly killed my friend last year," he replied, trying to match her calm, cold tone, though he felt anything but. However, he was surrounded by Slytherins, and his stupidity only stretched so far. Narcissa gave a curt, ``dainty" laugh and grabbed his ear hard enough to hurt, giving it a yank for good measure.

"Watch your language. And your house is no better to mine, so let's not go there. Civility will take you much farther than hostility right now, Sirius. You do realize I am the one who gets to decide if you talk to your brother at all this year, right?" she asked in a much too contented tone, but he realized with a jolt that she was right, and she knew it too. Oh, she knew it. He scrambled for something to say, some sort of comeback, but fear-filled him at the prospect of not even getting a chance to make Regulus see the truth about their family. If he didn't do something, his brother would become a death eater. Well, no, the war would be over by then, and Regulus was much too decent, but still!

"What do you want, Sissy?" he finally asked, after a long silence in which his head was tilted slightly. He was aware Regulus must be watching him be handled as if he was some bratty child, and his face heated.

"Good. You're beginning to understand. I want you to keep your shenanigans amongst my house to a minimum. Bully some other house if you must expend your wild energies somewhere, but leave Slytherins out of it."

"But…." he began and she tugged his ear again, hard enough he let out a yelp.

"Second you will...," her voice trembled slightly, and he wondered what could be so terrible, but she pushed on with enough confidence that Andromeda would have been proud of her if she was using it for good, not evil. "...you WILL tell me when you hear from my sister. Let me finish." She cut him off again with another yank, and he resisted the urge to pull his wand.

"I won't ask where she is, though I doubt she'll tell you, I just…." Again she faltered, and Sirius finally understood, he might have even felt bad for her if his ear didn't hurt so bloody much. "I just want to know," she finished coolly, but Sirius wasn't fooled. Bellatrix had always been….cruel, even as a young child, and once she recovered from Dragon Pox she became downright crazy, or maybe it was just more noticeable. That had left Andromeda and Narcissa, and Sirius knew that Andromeda took care of Sissy more often as she had him. They had always been very close, like 'the obnoxious braiding each other's hair and giggling together' close that girls were.

"What do I get?" he asked, brushing off the foolishness of trying to barter in his position. Oh, he never should have come to check on Regulus. He wondered if she did hex him if Regulus would try to stop it, that was something he had only been privy to the aftereffects of never catching their cousins in the act. Everyone tried to protect the baby after all.

"If….IF Sirius, you do these things to my satisfaction, and that means reigning in your nasty little friends, then I will let you see Regulus for an hour once a week IF he wishes and neither of your studies get in the way." So she was actually being quite generous, she must really want to know about Andromeda and if she was ok.

"Fine," he replied, with as much dignity as he could muster. She let him go and he placed a hand over his pulsing ear, which was no doubt very red. "Can I talk to Regulus now?"

Narcissa regarded him cooly, a slight smile on her lips. Oh, yes, she was quite pleased with herself.

"Very well." She took a few steps, opening the compartment door. "Regulus, dear, your misguided brother wants a few words with you." She sounded so different when she talked to him. Oh, his family was infuriating! Regulus glanced at Sirius and he knew that his brother was trying to decipher if Sirius was mad or not. He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile, only he was very upset, and perhaps it came out more like a scowl because Regulus stiffened but walked out of his compartment anyways.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, his foot tapping like crazy. Sirius sighed, trying to calm down, trying to come to terms with the fact that if he didn't approach this right, he'd lose his brother. He'd lost all his other family, or just about, and his heart hurt just thinking about really losing Regulus.

"I'm sorry," he replied, surprised to find that he was sincere. After spending two weeks with the Potters he had witnessed how effective a simple apology could be. He half expected it not to work, but Regulus looked stunned—Blacks didn't apologize—then grinned, relaxing.

"Me too. I still look up to you, Sirius, of course, I do." Sirius nodded, pretending that his comment hadn't made him feel very happy.

"You better, I'm your older brother, after all," he teased, and Regulus eyes' widened as if trying to figure out if he was joking or not. It took a second—oh boy did Sirius have a lot of damage to reverse from his poor brother only having his family as company—but finally realizing he was joking, his smile grew. Sirius ruffled his hair fondly.

"Don't listen to too much of Sissy's crap. No matter what house you are in I expect to be seeing you, alright?" Regulus looked delighted at the notion. He glanced back to make sure no one but Narcissa in his compartment was watching then gave Sirius a quick hug and walked back in all smiles, and hugged Narcissa as if she was to thank for this! Swallowing down a stab of anger, he left, sure that if Remus was in the Slytherin compartment he'd know about it by this point. He just hoped the other's had been more successful in finding him.


	6. Chapter Six: Taking a Stance

Chapter Six: Taking a Stance

Remus sat up in his bed, feeling groggy and sore. His father had kept him behind two more days than necessary, and he was beginning to fear that he wasn't going to let him go back to Hogwarts at all. He reached off his bed, touching his trunk, already packed with supplies. His father wouldn't waste all that money if he had no intention of sending him back...right? Because even if his father had been annoying him most of the summer, ignoring the few, very subtle, feeble attempts Remus made at trying to find out more information about the boy that haunted his dreams, he had behaved and not hit Remus once.

Oddly enough, even after his first transformation, his father, rather than seem fearful of him, just seemed...sad. It was confusing and problematic, because every time Remus got up his nerve to ask his father about his "imaginary friend" and what he had found in his uncle's house, he was stopped dead by the expression of sorrow on his father's face. He knew he was being a coward, but he just couldn't bear to see that expression on his father's face for any longer than necessary. He had had to pull the pillow over his head more frequently the closer to the Fall term he got, due to his father's crying.

This time Remus didn't hear any crying. In fact, his father probably wasn't even in the tiny shack, where a sneeze could be heard throughout the place, leaving very little room for privacy. As often as Remus heard his father crying, no doubt his father heard his own tears, and the screams from waking from nightmares. Still, his father never said anything, though sometimes when he screamed the door cracked open as his dad checked to make sure he hadn't physically hurt himself. It made for a pretty awkward balance between the two of them, and Remus really didn't have any right to feel hurt about it, especially since his father really had approved, but he did feel hurt and frustrated.

But like most things, it went untalked about, and Remus resigned himself to that fact, taking out his anger on the trees and the woods instead, which resulted in several self-inflicted bruises and his father's comment that he didn't have the luxury of acting like a normal boy. When his father found out he had responded to that comment by punching trees until his knuckles bled in anger, he'd been lectured by his very angry father, and his chores had increased so much that Remus hadn't had any time to be angry, let alone think.

Until the full moon, until the reminder that would never let him forget he wasn't normal. Then he had spent days contemplating his summer and lack of friends and long hours of getting yelled at, even after his father started looking for a job. Instead of going back to Hogwarts, he had spent days of being forced to lay in his bed doing nothing, restless and angry and confused and sad, with so many emotions rolling around in him, it made him dizzy.

He carefully started packing those emotions deep, deep away, since he couldn't afford not to. He had foolishly had one outburst at his father, which had ended with him out in the woods for three nights until he apologized and stopped "acting like a monster". Deciding moping in bed about yet another missed day of classes would do him no good, he got up and walked out of his room, tugging on a shirt despite the stuffy humidity of the day, the heat neither helping his father's or his own temper.

"I told you that that's not acceptable, brother!" Remus froze, his foot extended over the squeaky floorboard leading almost immediately into the living room, and quickly backtracked into his room, flinging himself on his bed. He exhaled forcefully, regretting his decision momentarily due to the pain. It had been a rather rough transformation. But it paid off when his father incorrectly assumed he was asleep.

"Quiet, don't wake him."

"We need to talk and I refuse to meet outside today. It's far too hot. Honestly, if you just let me help you, I could have beaten him into shape, and then you'd have no questions and no attitude from him. Why, if you want, right now I could…."

"NO!" Remus froze. His father sounded terrified and a moment later the floor creaked and the door shifted open. Forcing himself to breathe evenly, mimicking sleep the best he knew how. He half expected it to be his uncle striding in the room to beat him, no matter what his father had said about the matter. Instead, he felt a gentle hand touch his forehead and heard a very heavy sigh.

"I didn't wake him, good. He's still feverish though….I don't want to send him back if he's not feeling well."

"That's more of a reason to send him back. You can get your life back once you do." Remus winced at his uncle's harsh words, glad his father had walked away from his bed, since just hearing his uncle so close had caused him to tremble.

"You know that's not what I mean. Stop twisting my words. I need your support with this."

"And you know exactly why I can't give it. If I wasn't family I would have cut all ties long ago." Remus expected his father to get mad at hearing that after all his dad and his uncle did row occasionally. Not that he thought his dad would defend him, but he was sure he'd call out Remus' uncle on being a coward. Only silence answered, though, and when Remus heard his dad speak he sounded close to tears.

"...Lorence….I'm so sorry, I…."

"Don't just….don't. Look, you have to get rid of him sooner or later, or my offer won't stand."

"How long…I….I want this year to be different, though."

"Oh, please, Lyall, be serious, it's not like he has a home to go to, what with you being as poor as a defective niffler. At least he'd be FED at Hogwarts." Remus bristled, not at all liking his uncle's tone. His father might be poor, but he'd done a fairly good job at making sure there was a meal on the table…..well, most days.

"Don't pretend to care about him," Lyall Lupin replied, quite sharply, Shock shot through Remus. It was almost like his father was sticking up for him.

"Yes, well, I care about you! AND before you judge me TOO harshly for the way things went when you dropped the little PRICK off at my place last year., you'd have done the same thing in my shoes." There was another long silence and Remus felt tears prick his eyes. It had been...a tense summer and his father had raised his hand threateningly a few times, and his voice constantly, but hadn't actually hit him once. But the fact he wasn't responding to his uncles' statement right away filled him with dread. He had just been starting to accept, just maybe, that his father wasn't going to hurt him again.

"I suppose." His father sighed, and Remus barely stifled his sobs as tears rushed down his cheeks. He tried to assure himself this was better, that now he didn't have to feel so bad about leaving his father, but instead he felt even worse, somehow.

"Look, I appreciate your help, but it's late and if we keep talking Remus will wake up, heavy sleeper or no." Remus almost laughed through his tears. His father really didn't know him at all…. It was that unhappy thought that carried him off into sleep, sleep full of nightmares of his friends at Hogwarts hating him and the boy who had recently been constantly showing up in his bad dreams, a small boy, beaming, stretching out his hand and leading him, running to the playground where he had met Greyback.

…..

"Remus….Remus!" His father sounded angry, but he didn't care and he certainly didn't respond to him. He'd been good all summer, and he was still seen as a monster and a burden. Well, even if his father went back on his word and beat him today, it had already been confirmed with Dumbledore earlier that morning that he would be taking the Hogwarts Express with one other student who was coming to school late, and the new D.A.D.A. Professor.

"REMUS, DO NOT IGNORE ME!" his father thundered, the usually crowded platform empty. It was a little spooky, being the only two here so far, the train, not even pulled up to the station yet. They were here this early probably because his father couldn't wait to be rid of him, but Remus was too busy trying not to lose his resolve to be as cold as possible.

His father grabbed his arm hard and twisted him around then raised his hand high threateningly. Remus was sure—he would have actually bet money and he hated betting—that his father was going to hit him. He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself, wondering for a second if it would hurt more because he was no longer used to it, before remembering that the agony experienced once a month would keep his pain tolerance high, even if he never got beaten again.

"Now that's not something I will tolerate as a Professor, sir!" Remus opened his eyes, glancing at his father's pale face before he was let go. Staring at his shoes, he wished desperately that the ground would open up and swallow him whole, perhaps some acromantula to drag him into the darkness where he belonged. Shame colored his face, and just knowing this was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor made him consider all the more seriously never returning to Hogwarts again.

"Yes, well, you know how kids can be," came his father's embarrassed mutter. Maybe it was a Professor just….just visiting Hogwarts. Then, maybe, it would be bearable.

"Yes, I do. I have three little ones at home and I assure you that I would never do such a thing." This professor certainly sounded very angry about it, which just made Remus feel all the more foolish because it wasn't that big of a deal. But a very, very small part of him felt oddly grateful. He wished Sirius could have heard the outrage in this adult's voice over such a thing. And his father had only been threatening him! But thinking about Sirius filled him with a different sort of dread, and Remus also realized if he had been here he probably would have ended up cursing or punching Remus' father. That was also an oddly warming thought, but Remus snuffed it out quickly, just like he had done with all the all too persistent bouts of hope that he could still have friends this year.

"I'm sorry, it's been a long day."

"It's not me you have to apologize to." Remus could practically feel the sharp look in the man's tone and shifted slightly. If he didn't open his mouth and ran for it, perhaps the Professor would never figure out it had been him, and then he could actually sit in his class. But his father was struggling to find the words, and the connotation in the man's biting comments made him want to hide, but also made Remus want to come to his dad's defense. Besides, he was a Gryffindor after all! Taking in a deep breath and squaring himself as if about ready to duel, he looked up.

He wasn't sure what to expect, but certainly, not someone who was….was so young! Not that Remus was the best judge of age, but the Professor standing a few paces away looked like he had only completed Hogwarts recently. With soft, moss green eyes, and already greying hair, which might have suggested age if he didn't look so young, the Professor smiled warmly at Remus.

"You alright, lad?"

"It's fine, sir. I...I was mouthing off to my father, so…." For a moment the young man looked like he was going to say more, a frown on his face, but then the sound of the train approaching became clear and at the same time, a large family of six came bustling through onto the platform.

"Now remember to write to us often and...oh my!" Remus offered a small smile to the young boy, who tried to smile back, but was swarmed by family members who seemed to shift themselves unconsciously to block the boy protectively.

"Hello, you must be the Gordons. You have my condolences for your loss. I'm Professor Corbyn." Immediately the family relaxed as the now quite warm sounding Professor went to greet the family, who all seemed to speak up at once, each vying for his attention. Remus jumped slightly as his father put his hand on his shoulder and dragged him away from the growing clammer. Remus couldn't quite make out what was being said, as too many people were talking at once, but it sounded like they had a lot of questions.

"Get on the train before more trouble arises. Keep your head down, and I mean it this year, Remus, I know it doesn't seem fair, but it's for your own good." Remus nodded, stiffly focusing on the trunk he was carrying, which seemed even lighter than last year.

"Remus," his father grumbled in irritation, though even with the talking in the background. kept his voice down. "I don't quite know what's gotten into you, but I expect better."

For some reason, and he really wasn't sure why those words seemed to spark anger in him. Suppressed anger he tried very hard not to show his father. Maybe it was because it seemed his father was already asking so much of him, even if it was for his good. Or maybe it was because he still had the conversation from yesterday ringing in his head, but Remus jerked away from his dad and glared at him.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't! After all, I'm a monster, remember?" he snapped in a hushed tone, expecting anger to be the response on his father's face. Instead, his mouth dropped in shock. Remus realized he was still glaring at him and was about to habitually apologize when he glanced past his father and saw the student who was also arriving late. He was grinning at one of his relatives, not even looking at Remus, but seeing the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy kept his anger going. Anger at the secrets and lies and being seen as a monster when it wasn't his fault! So instead of apologizing, he just lifted up his trunk and walked onto the train, leaving his father still standing there...stunned.

Hardly able to pay attention, with panic now coursing through him, he picked a compartment blindly—they were all empty anyway—and sat down, shaking. If his father stormed onto the train and dragged him back home, he was going to really regret talking back to his dad. But minutes passed and he finally dared to peek out the window, relaxing when he realized his father was gone.

So was the Professor, and the boy was giving his family hugs just as the whistle blew, warning of departure. It was a strange observation, especially with his heart still racing, but he noticed all the family members with the boy seemed to be old enough to be his grandparents. But then again, maybe he really was just bad at guessing ages.

Author's Note:

My wonderful readers, I apologize for posting just one chapter, on accident. I meant to post two so as not to make you wait a whole other week before finding out what happened to Remus:P. Thank you all for reading my story and a special thanks for those leaving reviews:)


	7. Chapter Seven: Three's a Crowd

Chapter Seven: Three's a Crowd

….

"Where is Remus?" he shouted as they left their Charms class, smoke literally coming out of his ears thanks to Peter accidentally swapping the wrong goblets at breakfast. At least it had better of been an accident. It was supposed to be stupid Lily walking around with steam coming out of her ears. Stupid bloody Lily Evans, who kept reminding him too bloody much not to badger bloody Remus when he finally bloody returned if he ever did! But nooooo, because Peter was incompetent, it was him with smoke coming out of his ears!

"Relax, Sirius, you're making smoke come out of your ears," James laughed, and the only reason Sirius didn't hex him was that he knew that, deep down, his mate was worried too. Also, he needed James to practice with him for tryouts in a few weeks.

"I'm sorry…." Peter began and Sirius cut him off sharply.

"You're banned from talking, Pettigrew. Don't say a word until I tell you to!" Peter looked to James for help but just got a shrug in response. Sirius knew neither he nor James had been all that nice to Peter since arriving at Hogwarts. But when Remus didn't appear all their moods went downhill rapidly.

"Look, Professor McGonagal said it was a family emergency. He's not even the only student four days late," James pointed out calmly, wisely realizing teasing Sirius may just lead to unfortunate consequences at the moment.

"Yeah, because the other kids' parents were murdered by Voldemort!" Sirius replied scathingly. So maybe he wasn't even being nice to James, but at least James could take it without being a little wuss about it.

"Well, he's returning today, so we'll just ask him. But come on, Sirius, you haven't practiced once for tryouts and even with all of my talent, I still need to practice."

Sirius agreed, maybe mentioning where James could shove his talent first, but at least he agreed. He knew he should have been practicing, students had very little free time to use the brooms for practice before tryouts. Each slot of time, designated by year and house, and because he.., well, no, because of Remus, or, more accurately, the lack of him, Sirius had missed the last three.

"Potter, Black, Pettigrew!" Plans about Quidditch practice momentarily forgot, the three of them turned to Patricia, who was making her way to them, waving and grinning.

"How goes it, little slow seconds." James rolled his eyes at her. She seemed to think that because she couldn't call them "icky firsties', which was such a foolish nickname, that she had to come up with something better.

"Hello, lying mentor," Sirius replied pleasantly. With a sharp look at him, she turned to ruffle James' hair, who batted her away with a mutter of a disgruntled complaint.

"Now, that's not nice, Black. Maybe your cousin was right about you needing to learn manners." Sirius felt his cheek grow hot, which made Patricia snicker.

"Patricia, you shouldn't tease him about that."

"Yes, it's bad enough all the Slytherins know."

"And we can't do anything about it," James muttered, not at all happy about the deal Sirius had made with Narcissa.

"Well, you could, or I could!"

"NO! You can't, Patricia, not until I convince Regulus to talk to me by himself."

"Then we'll go all out on the Slytherins!" James laughed maniacally. Patricia whacked him lightly on the head and James stuck his tongue out at her. She had only given them one lesson so far, which hadn't gone great since they were all gloomy, and by the end, she threatened not to take them to the Forbidden Forest if they didn't shape up.

Well, at least they appeared to be in a better mood at the moment. Patricia didn't see the point in worrying about Remus when he was home, even if he was sick. Then again, she didn't know what they did. Still, Patricia could be awfully….abrasive, at times, and she found Narcissa "putting him in his place" hilarious, much to his annoyance.

"Look, Lupin will be back tonight, and once you see he's fine you can unknot your panties and we can plan our first trip into the forest."

"First!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly, at the same time Peter said "first" with horror. This was the first he'd heard of her having decidedly to actually take them into the forest more than once.

"If you simpering seconds survive," she pointed out ominously but ruined the chance to make Peter piss himself by laughing. "Well, I have to go, but come find me when you're ready."

"We sure will!" Sirius called after her briefly and set to planning with James just how soon they could go. Or were, until Peter mentioned maybe Remus would still be sick and wouldn't want to.

"You aren't supposed to be talking," he snapped at the slightly shorter boy, who frowned. Well, it was his own fault, if he was going to try to use Remus as an excuse for his cowardice.

"Wow, it's sure hot again today," James replied cheerfully as they reached outside, trying to cut into the tension that had risen between Sirius and Peter. But when Peter opened his mouth to agree, James shot him a look. Sirius wasn't paying close enough attention to catch if the look was a warning one or an angry one, but either way, it kept Peter quiet, which was fine.

Sirius tried to ease the annoyance he felt towards his friend, because, like them, Peter was worried about Remus. They all were, no matter how many times Patricia, McGonagall, the Prefects, and even Dumbledore assured them he was fine. But unfortunately, Peter had developed the annoying tendency to just...blurt out whatever he was thinking when he was stressed, at least to James and Sirius, which made him more infuriating than usual.

Plus, Sirius was certain Peter was just simply more bearable when there were four of them. Because even though James, at least, was trying to be a good friend to Peter, he had agreed with him when Sirius had pointed out he'd just rather hang out the two of them rather than all three of them.

"Look, Peter, you aren't trying out for Quidditch, so we'll see you later, ok?" Peter nodded, looking so glum Sirius almost felt guilty, almost.

"Three's a crowd," he muttered when he estimated Peter was out of earshot, and James laughed, though it sounded forced.

"Well, when Remus comes back it will go back to normal." Sirius almost smiled, but he hadn't felt like smiling since Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin. Disappointing, but not surprising.

"You mean, trying to discover his secret and convincing him constantly not to push us away?"

"Yeah," James sighed.

"I don't want to do that this year."

"Me neither." They looked at each other, and this time Sirius really did grin.

"This time we'll get it right. We're much wiser than last year. This time we're gonna track every time he leaves and tail him with the invisibility cloak successfully!"

"Heck yeah!" With Remus coming back today, and James with him to figure out the mystery, he actually was feeling good enough to get some flying in. Until, he saw Regulus walking with some other first-year Slytherins, and his almost good mood vanished.

"Oi Sirius, why'd you stop,….oh…..just ignore him mate," James offered, gently giving him a tug.

"You go on without me, James. I want to try to talk to him again. He can't be more stubborn than Remus, after all." Sirius thought it was quite a funny joke, but James didn't even crack a grin.

"Just be careful, and don't follow him into the dungeons this time. You were lucky Professor Slughorn was there and actually stopped the Slytherins from sending you to Saint Mungo's."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know." Before James could nag him more, he took off across the browning grass.

"Regulus!" he shouted and grinned as his brother actually made eye contact with him. That was certainly an improvement.

Sirius was determined to get him to talk to him without Narcissa's "approval" since he was pretty sure it would be impossible to not prank the Slytherins all year. Then one of the other two boys who was walking with Regulus whispered something, and the three took off running, actually laughing like it was all some sort of game. Knowing they had too much of an advantage, and not wanting to be cornered by three fifth-year Slytherins again, Sirius just watched them go. He certainly couldn't remember being that rude last year, especially not to his family, well not unless they deserved it.

"Stupid icky firsties," he muttered to himself glancing back to where James had been headed to the Quidditch field. He thought about catching up with him after all but decided that going to grab Elvis and then wandering aimlessly with his many confusing thoughts was a better idea.

….

"No, I tell you, it really was as big as a whale! It was the largest gnome I'd ever seen. Up until that point Ma and Da thought we were living on a hill," Ryan exclaimed, gesturing with his arms grinning widely, one tooth missing.

"Sounds more like a giant then," Remus laughed, feeling at ease with the energetic boy. They were hitting it off quite well, and since Ryan was a half-blood, like him, they had spent hours talking about both the muggle world and the wizarding one, agreeing it was nice having someone who understood.

"We should start a club, Remus. I mean it! A club for those who grew up in the Muggle world. Then Hogwarts would be less lonely," he suggested after a brief pause in his story. Then Ryan's stomach growled loudly and he looked out into the hall longingly. "Any minute now the snack trolley should arrive, right? At least if it was a normal voyage this year."

"Wait….are you not a first-year, Ryan?" Remus asked, surprised. Up until now, Remus had honestly been quite impressed with how much the boy knew about Hogwarts, but when he asked if he had an older sibling Ryan had just shaken his head. Thinking about it now, he felt quite embarrassed he had just assumed Ryan was a first-year. It wasn't like he looked really young he just... had such excitement, it was like he was experiencing all this for the first time.

"No, I'm a second year. I'm just….." This time he turned to look out his window and his whole demeanor changed. "Fulfilling a promise….."

Remus started, feeling immediate concern. There was a deep sadness in Ryan, a sadness he understood all too well. It caused a small ache in his chest, as he could plainly see grief on the boy's face.

"Well, what house are you in? I'm sorry I can't recall having seen you around at the moment." Ryan shifted, snapped out of whatever sad thoughts he was having, and glanced at Remus cautiously, of all things. Yes, his whole demeanor had changed indeed, and it was unnerving seeing him look so serious after he had been bouncing off the walls prior, like...well, like a first-year.

"Well, you were awfully busy last year," Ryan responded, casually enough, but it was Remus' turn to feel cautious. He tried to analyze if the boy had a deeper meaning to the statement, but after his comment, Ryan just shrugged and didn't seem upset at all. He just went back to grinning and launched into his previous idea about a club. Still, Remus found himself watching the boy closer, wondering how much of his excitement was an act, and what the promise he had referred to was.

"Because you know then we could stand together and not be so lonely," Ryan concluded proudly, and Remus frowned, realizing the loneliness Ryan was speaking of wasn't a first-year worried about such a thing happening, but a second-year who had experienced such things.

"But why would you be lonely?" he asked before he could stop himself. Ryan shifted again, his smiling slipping.

"People…...um, well, they don't like me much…."

"But why?" Remus asked, astonished. He had been considering, when he thought Ryan was in his first year, having him hang out with Sirius, James, and Peter. Hanging out with him as well, though he couldn't deny he had been hoping the others might leave him alone more if there was still a group of four to hang out with. But this was becoming odder by the minute. Well perhaps that would just make Ryan even more intriguing, to Sirius at least, he realized grumpily. He tried to stop thinking about his friends as it just led to a sense of helplessness about what he was going to do about them this year. Closer and closer the train was moving towards Hogwarts, and with each hour that passed, Remus' unease at facing his friends grew.

"I'm….different…" For the first time since Ryan sat across from him, Remus actually stopped to think about why the boy had been days late to go to Hogwarts. After all, that wasn't normally tolerated for most excuses, and the boy didn't look sick. Remus felt ashamed he hadn't considered this earlier. He had been unusually preoccupied with himself, between the way he left his father and the dread of his prying friends at school. He opened his mouth to ask what Ryan meant when the compartment door slid open.

"Hello, boys, mind if I join you?" Remus looked at Professor Corbyn, and quickly glanced away, face going hot. He could feel Ryan give him a weird look before inviting the Professor to sit down, sounding very pleased when Professor Corbyn revealed he had procured snacks from the storeroom, despite the trolley witch not being on the train today.

"Feel free to help yourselves. The conductor said I could and it was actually his idea to bring some to you boys, so no need to hold yourself back." Ryan certainly didn't, he reached into the sack Professor Corbyn was carrying and dragged out a good armful of sweets and snacks. Remus' stomach was now in knots, so he just shook his head, mumbling no thanks, firmly staring out the window.

After a long tense silence, Professor Corbyn and Ryan began talking, but Remus didn't listen, his own thoughts carrying him far away from an unfortunate seating arrangement on the Hogwarts Express.

"Hey….hey Remus he's gone now. He didn't stay long. What's wrong?" He glanced at Ryan, whose large pile of snacks had dwindled considerably in a short amount of time.

"Nothing, just tired," he replied automatically, knowing it was a stupid excuse. But Ryan seemed to accept it, or at least pretended to, and Remus' respect for the boy grew. Ryan mentioned he had to use the loo and left Remus to his thoughts, which currently mostly had to do with how best to stay as far away from Professor Corbyn as possible.


	8. Chapter Eight: A Miserable Misunderstanding

Chapter Eight: A Miserable Misunderstanding

…..

Upon Ryan's return, they both fell silent for a while, Remus read a book, and Ryan actually fell asleep. However, it was quite peaceful overall, and it sure was nice to have someone that just respected when Remus didn't want to talk since it felt like his friends never did. Remus found himself staring at the blond-haired boy again with a stab of guilt. He really should have been better company to him, but he just couldn't right now. Also….also something about him kept Remus' thoughts drifting back to his 'make-believe friend', who wasn't make-believe at all. Who he was, Remus couldn't remember, which just filled him with confusion.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Ryan asked, sleepily opening one eye, and Remus jumped at being caught.

"I just…...sorry, but why are you so different?" Ryan regarded Remus again, eyebrows raising.

"Obviously….because I'm a half-blood wizard…..that's frowned upon in my house after all. Especially because I like Muggles and aren't afraid of making that known." Remus' confusion grew and he couldn't think of why that would matter at all, and then it hit him.

"Ryan….what….what house are you in?" he asked quietly, feeling a sinking feeling. Surely not, surely not!

"Slytherin. I thought it was odd you were being so nice to me…"

"Slytherin! WHY? How?" he asked frantically. Oh, if Sirius and James realized he was friendly with yet another Slytherin they'd never let him live it down!

"I don't know. I guess because one day I'm going to be Minister of Magic." Ryan replied coolly, dead serious. When Remus just replied with silence, Ryan gave a grin that didn't appear friendly at all.

"You know, ambition isn't always a bad thing. I thought maybe…... I guess I was wrong about you, Remus."

"No...no I just…..am surprised is all. You don't seem…."

"Don't SEEM LIKE A SLYTHERIN!" Ryan suddenly yelled, face going pale, and Remus flinched, finding his expression quite terrifying, even though he calmed down right away.

"...Sorry...sorry, it's just that I get that a lot. Look…...not all Slytherins are arrogant berks and power-hungry bullies. Those are just the ones you bother to notice. There's a good group of us that have big dreams but that also don't care about blood purity and other such nonsense. Unfortunately, we're spread out thin across seven years, and being a known not pureblood in Slytherin doesn't make it easy, so most of them just go along with the bullies." He looked a little guilty at that as he continued.

"I know you were picked on, Remus, but it's not like your friends are innocent and anyways... I thought you were different because you seemed nice enough with Severus and he's a prick, even amongst the other purebloods, and a real moody guy to boot. SO, I mean, if you don't want to speak to me, then I guess I get it, but you should know that that's being as close-minded as most, NOT all, the Slytherins!" Ryan ranted, face going rather purple as he tried to say all of his speech in one breath.

"Do you want to be friends?" Remus asked quickly, cutting off Ryan, who was about to go off again.

"And another thing I…...huh?"

"Do you want to be friends?" Remus asked again, feeling rather foolish. They weren't little children and being so blunt felt….odd to him. But he really didn't care what house Ryan was in as long as he was nice, which he was. He also liked Ryan quite a lot, and maybe just maybe introducing him to his friends, at the right time, could expand his friends' views. After all, if they could accept a Slytherin...well maybe…..just maybe they could accept a werewolf.

"You're making fun of me, aren't you," Ryan stated, eyes narrowing into angry slits, and Remus thought his hand even twitched toward the pocket where his wand was.

"Not at all. I don't care that you are in Slytherin. I would be friends with Severus even. If he wanted to be, and….well, he was a bit nicer. You're right, I was being narrow minded. I'm sorry." He offered a grin. "After all, not all Gryffindors are close-minded and arrogant."

"Woah! Sorry...I just…..really, you mean it? Really? I certainly need friends, since any friends I had last year won't be my friends this year." Remus felt a stab at this, able to relate all too well to not being accepted over something you just couldn't control.

"Yes, I really mean it. But Ryan, why wouldn't they be your friends this year? Didn't they know you were a half-blood last year?" It seemed like they would, and Remus just couldn't understand why someone so earnest wouldn't have a single friend, not if there were actually more open-minded people amongst the Slytherins.

"Because…" Ryan watched him carefully, debating for a long time over telling Remus whatever it was.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't give you the same courtesy as you've given me." Ryan smiled, and apparently Remus reassuring him of that made him decide to tell him.

"They're afraid of me,…..well, more like what will happen if they get close to me,….befriend me…." Ryan watched him, waiting for him to ask why. Remus felt his heart start beating rapidly, and his eyes widened as a scary and altogether thrilling possibility sunk in. Ryan was late too...but didn't seem sick now. What if…..what if they were the same? Remus could hardly breathe, and Ryan's pointed look grew concerned.

"Woah, you went really white…It's alright, it's not like I committed a crime or anything. They'd probably actually like me if I did." Ryan laughed nervously. "It's not my fault…" he added in a small, unsteady voice, his eyes filling with that all-consuming grief again.

Remus didn't see what else it could be...but surely not. Surely Dumbledore would have at least warned him if the other student was also a werewolf. He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or hug Ryan. Someone who understood, who finally understood, who he could talk to! Oh, he hated that he was a bit happy about this, and quickly reminded himself how scary and terrible this loss was for Ryan.

After all, he must be newly transformed, which was always impossibly hard. He had to be newly transformed because Remus was certain, there weren't more than two werewolves in the castle last year. That also hadn't been for the whole year either, since Professor Blavatnik's nephew wasn't turned until Christmas break. At least, that's what Remus had gathered from Dumbledore's rather rushed explanation. Well, he supposed that if two werewolves had worked out last year, sort of, Dumbledore must have figured two would work out this year as well? Still, a warning would have been nice! Remus felt giddy again and pushed it down. Instead, he got up and went to sit by Ryan, who glanced at him wearily, eyes filled with grief.

"It wasn't my fault," he repeated again, this time sounding defensive. Remus winced and took his hand, blinking back his own tears.

"I know. Of course, it wasn't." Ryan looked surprised, his mouth even dropping open for a second before he shook his head.

"You're really something, Remus. I mean…..no one has cried for me. No one seems as upset as I am…though my family has been nice about it," he replied incredulously, and Remus dropped his hand, quickly wiping his cheeks. Tears had actually fallen somehow, tears in front of someone else! Still, at least Ryan seemed to have support. He recalled seeing Ryan's family smiling and clearly loving him very much, and he felt a stab of regret, then envy. If someone's family fully supported and accepted them as a werewolf then that was a good thing, even if it just made Remus long for his father to do so also, knowing it was possible.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, you really are like the nicest person I've met." Ryan grinned at him, then the same realization that hit Remus hit him as well and it was his turn to go pale.

"Oh shit, you...understand huh….?"

"Sort of…," Remus admitted, his heart racing wildly. He could have a friend openly, have a friend that his father could have no complaints about. Have someone to confide everything in.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok…..it gets easier after a while, though it never goes away. I know it hurts a lot right now and it will for months but….but you'll get used to the pain."

"Damn... well…..that's got to be the most honest advice anyone's given me." Ryan's smile broadened, and tears almost started spilling down Remus' cheeks again. Ryan must be strong, very strong because Remus certainly couldn't remember handling his lycanthropy this well. Then again, Ryan probably hadn't been kidnapped and tortured….at least, he hoped not.

"When did it happen?" he asked gently, and this time Ryan started crying, tears streaming suddenly down his cheeks.

"A week into summer. It was….was the worst thing to happen in my entire life….I don't think anything can be worse." Ryan cried harder, and for once Remus didn't hesitate to hug someone. Ryan gripped him and hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder, until he calmed down some.

The first week into summer didn't make sense, but Remus didn't blame Ryan for getting the dates wrong. Before long, keeping track of the full moon would become second nature. Oh, and he and Ryan could keep each other company in the hospital ward! Also, maybe his transformation would be easier with someone else! Unless it was more dangerous, he wasn't sure. He'd certainly never considered the possibility before.

"It feels good to talk to someone who gets it. Oh, sorry, I mean…. I mean, it sucks for you but...but it also... I mean everyone keeps telling me to be strong. Ryan, it will get better, and Ryan, you can't just cry all the time. They mean well, they do, but they just…."

"Don't get it," Remus finished, and Ryan squeezed him tighter.

"Yeah, exactly."

"I feel the same way. About you getting it too, I mean." Ryan let go of him, a sort of hungry look in his eyes that Remus could understand. He had a hundred questions, but, of course, Ryan was more afraid than him, so he would have to let him go first. Remus knew he should be the one to voice what they both were, but he had been so conditioned never to tell a soul, he physically couldn't get the words out.

"When was it for you?"

"A while ago but it feels like yesterday," Remus replied, trying to be as vague and nonchalant as possible, though admitting that sent him blinking back tears again.

"Was…...was it violent?" Remus winced and looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Ryan certainly wasn't holding back on the questions at all. Though he supposed he would have done the same if the roles had been reversed.

"Very. But…...but I blocked a lot of it out, I guess. I…..for me it was almost worse when the realization sank in...that things would…..well...would never be the same."

"Exactly!" Ryan cried out, eyes blazing with emotion.

"And...and people look at you differently and there's so much more responsibility. Do you get that?" Ryan asked, almost eagerly. Remus gave a sad laugh, wiping his stupid eyes again.

"Of course, but I haven't told anyone. I…..I wouldn't recommend it," he said carefully. After all, it really wasn't his place to say, but Ryan would be in danger if he did. Surely he knew that if his family really were so supportive, surely they already explained that to him. Ryan's eyes widened and his cheeks went red.

"Well, I'm honored you told me."

"Because you get it. I wouldn't tell anyone else who didn't." Remus said, perhaps a bit too cooly, because Ryan flinched and his face went darker red.

"I…... I don't really get that luxury…."

"What? Why not?" Remus asked loudly, shock, and fear sharp in his tone. Ryan flinched again and looked away.

"Because it's all over the paper." Remus felt his eyes go wide as a painful cold filled him. Had Ryan been kidnapped too? That would just be too much….he wasn't sure he could handle that. Maybe it was because of Voldemort that a werewolf biting someone was in the paper? Then Remus realized if it was that he'd have seen it, but he hadn't recalled reading anything about a turning, only deaths, so many deaths. Which must mean it was the newest paper, perhaps Ryan didn't realize his name had to be blurred out. At least Remus was pretty sure it did.

"For me….me too…I think.." he stammered, "but they didn't release my name." Ryan's eyes went wide and he grimaced.

"Geez, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn't pay attention to that sort of thing before…. Well, you'd think Dumbledore would have made some kind of announcement... though I guess they keep track of that stuff pretty closely whether they say so or not. Maybe he'll say something this year?"

"No!" Remus cried, absolutely horrified! What on earth had Ryan been taught about werewolves? Maybe his family was being too lenient. That would pose all sorts of problems for Ryan…and him, he realized with a sickening feeling. "You mustn't tell anyone about me, not ever, alright?"

"Alright, I get it. I wish….not many people knew. I guess even if they don't really know it's me, knowing that they know it was someone….well it still…..feels weird. Whew, I mean it's really kind of eerie how similar it is between us…."

"Well, it would be….but I think anyone who experiences it goes through the same thing. Maybe not the paper bit, but I think that's just because of Voldemort..." Remus wasn't expecting Ryan to launch himself at him and cover his mouth, utter horror in his eyes.

"Don't!" he hollered. Remus would have apologized right away but Ryan kept on talking with a torrent of emotions.

"You can't say his name, you can't ever say it! I'm sure Dumbledore already made an announcement but that's how You Know Who found me and murdered my parents! I managed to get away but only because the Death Eaters were so sadistic with my parents, so you can't ever say that name!" Remus felt stunned, and felt something break, as he realized he had been wrong, so very wrong.

It had all been a misunderstanding, and he now understood, actually understood. He didn't realize how lonely he was until the prospect of having a werewolf friend to share everything with was ripped away from him. He pulled away from Ryan and curled in on himself, sobbing, his whole body shaking. He tried desperately to stop it and to get a hold of himself but found it impossible. So much for having great control of his emotions!

But after his lonely summer, the fear he'd have to be extra careful with his friends, and now this, he couldn't stop the tears, he just couldn't stop. Great, heaving sobs shook him from head to toe and he was vaguely aware of Ryan trying to calm him, trying to soothe him, the boys' pitch rising higher and higher as it all proved unhelpful.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that….it….it was too upsetting... I probably reminded you….oh I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll….I'll..." Remus didn't hear the rest of what Ryan cried out, and he was only vaguely aware of him leaving. It wasn't fair! It hurt so bad and it just wasn't fair!

"Mr. Lupin. Remus Lupin! Remus!" Remus felt a blanket being draped around him and realized with horror that the voice was no longer Ryan. He stopped crying abruptly from shock, and embarrassment, and horror. He kept himself curled up tightly because the last thing he wanted to do was look at Professor Corbyn.

"There you go lad, just take some deep breaths. Mr. Gordan explained some of it to me. Go on, just like that. Very good, very good." Remus felt himself calming down, though the presence of a Professor who had seen two things Remus hated anyone seeing in a matter of a few hours wasn't helping.

"Seems like you've had a hard go of things, hm?"

"Sir...I….my father, he….." Remus began in a small voice.

"Now, you don't need to explain anything to me, Mr. Lupin. That said, I make it a point to be a confidant to my students who need and want it. Dumbledore thought that during these extremely difficult times that it's more important for a Professor to have heart rather than experience. Which is good, because I currently have no experience...yet."

"This is your first year teaching?" Remus asked, surprised, though he really shouldn't have been. After all, Professor Corbyn was very young. Too young, it seemed, to have children of his own, but Remus certainly wasn't going to question that.

"Yes, and truth be told, I'm quite scared about it. Do you know what helps me when I'm scared, Mr. Lupin?"

"A blanket?" Remus guessed, and Professor Corbyn gave a slight laugh.

"No, but that's a good guess. I prefer chocolate though. Marvelous thing, chocolate, and handy in a number of different ways."

"Like what?"

"Hm, well, calming nerves is a give in and making someone smile. Though I suppose if we're talking about practical use, then after a dementor's attack it does wonders." Remus forgot about his promise not to look at the Professor and sat up quickly, eyes wide.

"Really? Why?" Professor Corbyn looked a bit taken aback, then his smile widened.

"Hmm, good question. Well, it's because the effects of a dementor are warded off by the endorphins that are released by eating chocolate, which makes you happy. Since dementors feed on happiness, leaving one in despair and reliving their very worst memories, you see how'd that would be helpful, yes?" Remus nodded, in awe over the information.

"Yes, though I doubt you'll have any need for that unless you're planning to go to Azkaban, now will you?" Remus forced a laugh but tucked away that valuable piece of information. He'd be sure to give Sirius a whole bunch of chocolate before he went back to his mother.

"Now do you have a particular, and what would be a rather unfortunate fascination I must say, with dementors, or are you just naturally inquisitive?" Remus blushed, wishing Ryan would come back.

"Inquisitive, I suppose," he admitted, and Professor Corbyn smiled.

"Yes, I thought as much. I imagine you'll be a student to watch out for." Remus paled, even though he knew his Professor meant it as a compliment. But the last thing he needed was another D.A.D.A. Professor to find out what he was and try to kill him like last year.

"Hm, you really are looking a little peckish. Now don't go around telling your fellow students I'm a walking candy dispenser, but I do think some chocolate would do you well right about now, and you didn't eat anything earlier. So here you are," he replied kindly, handing Remus a chocolate frog. Remus opened it and nibbled at it, hardly noticing the wizard he got as his mind whirled. This year was the year werewolves were talked about, and Remus decided this was the perfect chance to find out if he needed to purposely miss that class period or not, regardless of how many other class periods he ended up missing for the year.

"Sir…..could I ask you a question?" he asked cautiously. He had to be subtle about this, otherwise, he'd all but be painting a target on his back.

"It's Professor Corbyn, but yes, go on. That is what my job is now, after all." His Professor smiled at his own joke and motioned for Remus to eat the chocolate. Nibbling it a bit more, at first to appease his Professor then simply because it was delicious and indeed made him feel better, he proceeded cautiously.

"You're our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, correct?"

"Yes, though I must admit, I won't be as knowledgeable as your past professors in the subject. I'm still pretty new at it myself. Though I will continue to broaden my field of expertise with Dumbledore's help and I'm thinking of having some guest speakers in some areas. Ah, sorry, now I'm rambling. Back to your point at hand, the answer is yes, I am." He chuckled nervously and Remus really hoped this Professor didn't feel so ...strongly about dark creatures. He imagined Professor Corbyn could become his favorite professor if he didn't make Remus want to off himself after most lessons.

"Well…..I was wondering what you thought about dark creatures?" His Professor gave him a look and he stumbled onwards, trying to sum up the energy he remembered James and Sirius having about the topic last year.

"It's just...our last professor knew so much about them and how dangerous they were and had lots of interesting stories. Not that I mind if you don't, but you may find it hard to keep the attention of some of the more….er, rambunctious students if you don't," he finished, hoping his excuse worked, then realized if it did, he may have just encouraged his Professor to tell the exact kind of stories that made him sick. He wanted to kick himself. Professor Corbyn looked at him for a moment and frowned.

"Well….I'm afraid your classmates might be...a bit taken aback with my approach. You see, I think that the misconception that dark creatures are evil, rather than just….well, dark, is wildly inaccurate and inappropriate. Why I apprenticed under the great Newt Scamander, and I believe I agree with his take on all magical creatures, dark or not." Remus, who had been nibbling on the chocolate, started choking from the pure shock that such a statement brought.

"Yes, quite a shock I agree. I know there are many…..misunderstandings surrounding dark creatures, and all creatures in general. But I hope by the end of the year to shed light on that. I mean just look at Goblins and how intelligent they are, and Merpeople are fascinating and truly quite docile if not threatened." Apparently Professor Corbyn thought that Remus was one of the students that needed his preconceived notions challenged, and he had gotten quite passionate in his speech, which Remus found was a nice change of pace, even if it made him a bit uneasy.

"And don't even get me started on werewolves! Why the way we treat them is appalling! They are no different than you or I accept for once a month." Remus choked again this time worse than before and his Professor had to thump his back a few times as tears pricked his eyes that had nothing to do with him inhaling chocolate down the wrong pipe.

"Slow down, slow down. I know it's quite a lot to digest but I assure you that I'll change your mind about dark creatures in a year." A downright sparkle had entered the Professor's eyes now. "And, now, don't go telling your fellow students this, alright?" Remus nodded since he wasn't sure he could talk to the man right now anyways. That totaled three people that were okay with him. Well, maybe. Remus wasn't quite sure he could take Professor Corbyn at his word...yet.

"I might even be getting Newt himself to visit. Dumbledore and he are close friends, you know? Go way back, and not to brag, but Newt and I hit it off while I was under his employment. A fascinating man, Newt, truly brilliant and fascinating." Remus was beginning to think his Professor was teaching the wrong subject, he sounded nearly as excited as Hagrid would at such a notion. But at least this way Remus could have him as a Professor and for that he was grateful. With a slight turn in the track, the Hogwarts Express let off a loud whistle and Remus looked out the window, realizing in surprise the castle was now in sight.

"Ah, goodness, I need to go get ready." Professor Corbyn held out his hand to Remus, who shook it. "Pleasure meeting you, Mr. Lupin. I look forward to having you in my class."

"Me too, Professor. Being in your class, I mean." His Professor's eyes twinkled again and he looked very surprised, yet pleased, to hear that. Remus supposed he'd be as nervous if he had never taught a bunch of children before and now had to, especially since it sounded like that had not been his Professor's original career choice.

"Alright, I'll send Ryan back in so you can both get ready. Quite nice you two found some comfort in each other. Remember, Mr. Lupin, if you need to speak to me, don't fear too. I'm quite a good confidant, not to brag." Professor Corbyn winked at Remus in a fashion Dumbledore would be proud of, then left. Remus' lips quirked watching him leave. Maybe this year would be better than he had hoped. Already dressed in his robes, Ryan had prompted him to do so early on due to his excitement, so Remus scooched down the seat and leaned against the cool window. With his heart racing, he stared at the castle, not far off. Hogwarts at last.


	9. Chapter Nine: A Weak Resolve

Chapter Nine: A Weak Resolve

By the time they made it up to the castle, dinner was in full swing. Which hopefully meant all eyes wouldn't be on them when they slipped in. They were both worried about that for different reasons, and once Professor Corbyn realized this, he assured them that he'd go in first, which would certainly draw all eyes.

"Alright, boys, I'll see you in class on Wednesday." Then the Professor strode into the Great Hall, and Remus could hear the volume dwindle as the students began to notice.

"Everyone is always very interested in the Defense Professor," Ryan laughed nervously, and Remus would have to agree. He was glad things weren't too awkward between him and the Slytherin. Ryan had apologized a few more times, and Remus had apologized, then they had both ended up apologizing at the same time and ended up laughing at how ridiculous they were being.

"Well, we should head in before the advantage Professor Corbyn gave us dwindles," Remus pointed out, and Ryan laughed a tense sounding laugh again. Ok, so maybe things were still a bit awkward, or Ryan was just that scared to enter.

"Look, last year we had Potions together and…"

"We did? Oh, I guess we would have had that class together, huh?" Remus realized, caught off guard, but Ryan was right, last year Gryffindors had potions with the Slytherins which had been a private sort of hell in his opinion, though he wasn't about to tell Ryan that.

"Haha, yeah, I figured you didn't notice me."

"Oh, sorry."

"No, no it's fine, I mean you always look so sick in that class...at least you did." Remus was glad there wasn't the slightest hint of a question in Ryan's voice, he just accepted that that's how potions were for Remus, whatever the reason.

"I'll be sure to say hi next time," Remus assured him, only Ryan grimaced at the suggestion. "Or….not…?" he hesitated, wondering if his sobbing had freaked the boy out more than he had let on.

"Well, we don't have Potions together this year we have Defense Against the Dark Arts. But even in that class,…..well…..it's nothing against you it's just,….well things will be difficult enough for me in my house as it is..."

"Oh! Oh sorry, yeah, of course, I won't say anything then."

"But….but we can still be friends!" Ryan said quickly, too quickly. Remus' heart went out to how lonely he must have been last year, and he gave him a reassuring smile.

"Absolutely." Remus realized that the chance Professor Corbyn had given them was gone, but Ryan didn't seem ready to enter, and Remus wasn't about to leave him.

"OK, great, only….it sort has to be a secret you know? I mean...well…." Ryan fumbled with his cloak, trying to button the buttons he had become preoccupied with. Remus wished Ryan wasn't so worried about offending him. He understood, really he did, and the last thing he wanted was to make Ryan's life harder than it needed to be.

"Well, how about this. One of my friends knows how to create notebook paper that can transfer messages, so once I get her to show me how, I'll give you some and then…..hm, well, how about if you want to meet in the library and you think the coast will be clear on your end you…..you flip your book upside down at the very start of class…..it has to be at the beginning otherwise I probably won't notice. Then if I can actually do that I'll…."

"Sneeze twice during class," Ryan pointed out excitedly, only now seeming to realize they could actually be friends.

"Ok, that sounds good. Only neither of us should be offended if the other can't swing it. I know I won't be."

"Me neither. I know you have other friends and we both have our studies, and we probably won't be able to hang out often, but it's still something, and that's a heck of a lot better than nothing." Remus smiled, agreeing, and was about to suggest they enter because he was starving, truly starving, not having had access to much food over the summer, and having basically nothing the past three days. Just thinking about the feast made his mouth water and almost made the fending off of questions he'd have to do bearable.

But then there was the sound of pounding feet, and before Remus could realize what that might mean the door to the Great Hall was opening, whacking Ryan, who was standing close to Remus, and who fell with an ooff to the ground.

Remus would have helped him up but it was Sirius who had been running, no doubt earning detention for that as Professors were very strict about running in general, especially in the Great Hall. But Remus doubted Sirius cared. His friend paused long enough to realize it was indeed Remus standing awkwardly outside the door, and launched himself at him, pulling him into a hug that was tight enough to hurt.

"Oh, Remus! You arse, you should have talked to us more, you complete arse!" Sirius laughed, sounding choked, and Remus hugged him back, his resolve to distance himself from his friends cracking.

"I'm sorry, but I'm back, and I'm alright and…"

"Remus!"

"Good to see you mate!" James and Peter appeared not far behind Sirius, having walked though instead of ran, and before Remus could stop them they were hugging him tightly, smothering him in a group hug with so much love Remus felt choked himself.

"I'm so glad we're all back."

"You scared us half to death."

"Glad you're bloody ok, you twat."

"Just wait to hear what Patricia has to show us."

"I was snogged."

"Shut up, Peter, no one cares, but guess what….." They bombarded Remus, not letting him go, their excited chatter filling his ears. It took him a second to realize he was laughing.

"You lot haven't changed at all." He grinned at them, their faces flushed with emotions and the three of them beamed at him. Just like that Remus' resolve disappeared, so much for his plan to distance himself. Well, it was stupid anyway. He supposed he'd just have to hope Professor Corbyn was as persuasive as he was passionate about dark creatures. But somehow even that didn't seem to worry him too much since he felt more alive than he had all summer, as well as much much happier. He was home, finally home!

….

Sirius was elated Remus was back, he couldn't begin to explain how relieved he was to see him, though he wasn't about to admit how hard it had been without him being at Hogwarts.

"You lot haven't changed at all." His friend had started laughing, and when Remus finally spoke up Sirius could hear the amusement in his voice. Surely Remus wouldn't try to avoid them if he was grinning at them like that. With that realization came a rush of relief! He had more than half expected Remus to shove him off, gently, of course, and talk in that polite, cool tone that he was more apt to use on a Professor than his friends, because he did use that tone with them from time to time, and usually it was accompanied by him avoiding them.

He was so glad Remus wasn't using it now. In fact, he was telling off James cheerfully for giving Peter a hard time about receiving his first kiss, and agreeing with Peter it must be because James was jealous, with a great deal of laughter in his voice. That remark from anyone else, even Sirius, especially Sirius, would have warranted a glare from James, who instead of shooting one at Remus only laughed and hugged their returned friend again.

They were all so relieved he was home and the four of them were back together, and somehow that made it seem like everything would be ok. Sure there was a war, and Sirius was entangled with his cousin, but they were here and as long as the four of them stuck together he was sure they'd be alright. As Peter began bragging about his birthday to Remus, who listened with far more patience than he could ever muster, Sirius finally realized they weren't alone.

His first reaction was worry, had the three of them said anything that would give away Remus' secrets, or his own? But after thinking it through he didn't think so. Then he realized the boy still on the ground, who was staring at Remus and Peter and James in amazement, must be the one whose parents were killed by Voldemort.

"Here." He offered the boy his hand, who took it, letting him pull him to his feet.

"Thanks," he murmured but sounded distracted. Sirius wasn't sure why he was so amazed by his three friends, who were laughing and talking. Really Sirius should be with them, but he needed a minute so he wouldn't cry, and now he was worried about this kid.

"You rode with Remus?" he asked, figuring it wouldn't be nice to ask bluntly if Voldemort killed his parents.

"Hm, yeah. He's pretty remarkable." Sirius let out a laugh. He didn't need to be told that! Still, if this boy thought Remus was remarkable, then he must not be half bad himself, or at the very least not a total dimwit.

"Sure is! Consider yourself lucky you got to meet him. Remus is all but famous after surviving the Slytherin attack last year and single-handedly catching the criminal," he boasted, lying about that last part, they did all help with it, after all. The boy's eyes went wide and he gaped, finally turning his eyes away from Remus and paling as they fell on Sirius. He was used to that look, that judgmental look when someone realized who he was, or more specifically what family he was apart of, and Sirius scowled not liking the boy as much anymore.

"Yeah, I'm a Black, what of it! I guess you aren't a first-year then if you recognize me. What year are you?"

"Oh..um, second but I should get going, don't want to miss dinner and all," the boy replied, avoiding Sirius' eyes, which pissed him off more. This student really seemed to be scared of him! I mean, sure, the boy's parents were murdered, maybe even in front of him, but it's not like Sirius was a Death Eater even if most people suspected or expected all pureblood families to have strong blood purist views like the Blacks.

"What House are you in? Will you chill out? It's not like I'm going to bite you," he grumbled, wishing this reaction wasn't as common as it was. Several of the first-year Gryffindors had actually screeched when he approached them. "Big Bad Black" was what the Slytherins called him sarcastically then they'd yank on their ears and whimper, making a show of it mockingly as they passed him in the halls. He really hated Slytherins!

"I'm….well, I'm actually in…."

"OH! Ryan, sorry, I didn't realize you were still here. Are you alright? You didn't get hurt when you got knocked down, did you?" Ryan shook his head, relaxing visibly as Remus came over.

"Oh…..I didn't mean to knock you over," Sirius muttered, relaxing some himself. Maybe that was why Ryan seemed nervous around him? Still, as Ryan gave Remus a too-bright smile, again avoiding Sirius' eyes, and excused himself quickly, he wasn't sure he liked him at all.

"Sirius, why are you glaring at him like that?"

"Yeah, mate, he just lost his parents and all." Sirius blinked at James, and Remus looked shocked.

"How do you know that!? Surely Dumbledore didn't tell everyone." He sounded downright scandalized at the notion, though Sirius couldn't see why he'd care so much if he had.

"No. Sirius overheard two prefects discussing it, and we guess Dumbledore only told them. He told the rest of us that a student had lost both their parents to Voldemort and apparently his name is cursed so not to say it outside these walls... but still not to be afraid of the name, and it was all very confusing," James concluded with a shrug.

"We thought…..well, we were trying not to think that it had been you. There were two students coming back and the prefects said that only one of them,….well, you know. We were pretty sure it wasn't you,…..but Dumbledore said family emergency and,..." Peter trailed off, letting the question hang, and Sirius wanted to smack him again. They had agreed not to question Remus until he had settled in some! Remus shifted slightly, getting that defensive, dodgy look in his eyes, and Sirius sighed, throwing a hand around his shoulders, wincing as Remus jumped. Nope, nope, he wouldn't think about why his friend was still so jumpy now, and there would be no questions until later, that was the deal, even if it killed him.

"Well, you can talk about that later. What matters is you're back, and you're ok." Remus gave him a thankful look for saving him from the question, and Sirius nodded. Maybe if Remus thought he had stopped the pursuit of his secrets he'd relax more around him and let something slip? Problem was, Sirius didn't think he could hold onto that facade for long.

"You hungry, Remus?" Peter asked, trying to redeem himself.

"Starving," Remus replied with a grin, and the three of them let out a collective sigh as he seemed once more at ease. Remus was still their friend and that was enough for tonight. Well ...for right now, anyway.

Writer's Note:

I posted early since I was inspired by the wonderful comments (and I've gotten awfully far in writing year two). So thank you to all my fantastic readers and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	10. Chapter Ten: A Shocking Approach

Chapter Ten: A Shocking Approach

At first, Remus was sure his three friends would bombard him as soon as they reached their dorms that Monday night. But instead, they spent that entire night catching up on one another's summer, and none of them seemed to mind that Remus didn't say a word about his, other than reassuring them that his father hadn't hurt him.

It was really nice, but Remus knew it wouldn't last. He could physically feel it, could feel their eyes on him when they didn't think he was noticing. The too-quiet silences he'd walk into after walking into the dorm or out of the loo. They were biding their time. He knew this, but, unsure what to do about it, he decided he'd just enjoy the time he had left.

Enjoying himself was made easier by Lily, who there was no tension around, and who didn't ask him any questions. Remus was so glad she was his friend because unlike the others, her lack of questions meant Remus didn't have to come up with false answers, and he could let himself breathe around her. She was also really understanding when he had to hang out with his roommates instead of her, after only basically just sitting down to study, though she was disappointed. Somehow, she had even made Severus apologize to Remus, in the least apologetic letter he'd ever read, and he was assured by her that the three of them would be able to study together again once more.

But perhaps best of all was the classes themselves. Lessons were harder but more interesting, and Remus liked Transfiguration and Charms just as much as he did last year. History of Magic was still boring, though being ahead in the reading helped to fill him when he inevitably lost track during Professor Binns' droning. Astronomy was stressful due to the main topic this year being the moon, and Sirius had to shake him several times when he caught him staring at nothing, though he seemed to attribute it to Remus being tired.

Flying would probably be the same as last year. And of course, Potions class was still dismal and embarrassing. Remus couldn't believe he almost wished they still had that class with the Slytherins, since, if they had, he'd be able to spot Ryan, which would have made the class marginally better, even if he suspected there wouldn't be a book flipped upside down in D.A.D.A for a while, if ever.

Besides, even if lessons were a challenge, it kept Remus from worrying about when his friends were going to 'spring their trap', and it kept his friends nearly too busy with homework to do so. In just a few days they were expected to be proficient and be able to adjust the power level of their wands in Charms, complete a perfect Swelling Solution for Potions, understand the application of the un-transfiguration spell and write an essay on the application of it, and have a whole essay done on the main points of History of Magic from last year.

So most of Remus' interactions with his friends those first two days were helping them learn what they were supposed to have done over the summer, on top of catching up with the classes he had missed Monday. Which meant by the time Wednesday came around Remus' ears were so full of his friends complaining, even though it had only been a day and a half, that he fled to the library as soon as History of Magic was done, needing some peace and quiet for at least half an hour.

Also, if he was being honest with himself, the next class period being D.A.D.A, he knew that his friends were just going to be coming up with theories on the Professor. Everyone who had already had him seemed to find him quirky and bizarre, at least from what he had overheard from the older Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. So it was with less trepidation than he thought he would feel that Remus packed up his books, after the half-hour break in which he managed to get most of his History of Magic essay done, and completed all of his Charms work.

"Hey, Remus, wait up!" It occurred to him how strange it was to have a sense of camaraderie with Gryffindors he had barely spoken to last year, once he realized who was calling him and slowed so that Dorcas and Gary could catch up. Dorcas looked the same as always, but Gary had dyed his hair and seemed more confident, somehow, this year. Remus hoped he wouldn't be vying for James' and Sirius' attention, not that he cared, but it always made Sirius and James very pompous. Last year they had nearly convinced Gary to quite literally lick their shoes simply because they were bored and thought they could get away with it.

"Hi, Dorcas. Hi, Gary. How was your summer?"

"Great! I plan to try out for Quidditch with Gary here. How about you, Remus?" Dorcas asked, in that typical casual tone of hers.

"Oh, I don't plan to try out for Quidditch. I'm a dreadful flyer."

"Oh, but I bet Sirius and James will. I'm sure they'll get in, too!" Remus stifled a groan. It seemed Gary was still in awe of the two Gryffindor boys, which, on one hand, Remus could understand, and on the other hand, found simply ludicrous.

"I figured as much, Remus. I meant how was your summer?" Really, such a simple question shouldn't have thrown him off, but he had been so tense waiting for Sirius and the others to bombard him, perhaps by starting off with that very same innocent question, that he jumped quite visibly.

"Woah, what's wrong?" Gary asked, his eyes wide, peering around to find what had startled Remus so badly. Painfully aware of Dorcas giving him an odd look, he mumbled something about a bug, which caused Gary to laugh, and he quickly changed the subject to their new professor, as much as it pained him.

"Wotcher Dorcas, Gary, oh, and Remus," Jeremiah called with Noah MacDonald by his side. Noah was talking to a first-year girl, who stuck her tongue out at him and dashed away.

"Sisters." Noah murmured, rolling his eyes in irritation. Remus still found it strange he wasn't more uneasy with the lot of them, especially the other first-year boys, well, second-year now, since he couldn't remember even having a proper conversation with them. Still, it wasn't like they were talking to him, Dorcas brought up Quidditch with Noah, and Jeremiah engaged in a debate with Gary if this new Professor would be as good as he was weird, as people kept saying.

With relief, Remus detached himself from the group once he reached the classroom, and hurried inside. Lily waved to him, gesturing for him to sit beside her. He would have, Lily was always a great person to sit next to in class, but Sirius was suddenly at his side, grabbing his elbow and tugging him towards the back row, ignoring Lily's scathing look.

"Not gonna let the girls steal you. Really mate, where's your loyalty?"

"Or the other boys. What were you thinking, Remus? Are we not good enough for you anymore?" James asked in a mocking tone, though Remus noticed there was a slight edge of stress to his voice.

"I only ran into them on the way here. You've talked to them before, James."

"They're dull," Peter pointed out happily, but James scowled at him. Remus sighed. There was way too much tension between all his friends lately, and he wasn't at all sure how to fix it. They all seemed ready to leap out of their skins, and he couldn't help but feel it was, at least partly, his fault.

"No, they aren't dull. Especially Jeremiah, who is pretty funny. But they are almost all trying out for Quidditch, which makes them enemies," Sirius corrected, shooting a sharp look to Noah, who seemed to know exactly what it was about, and gave him an unfriendly, yet sort of still friendly, smile back.

"Little buggers, the lot of them. Even some of the girls are trying out," James muttered as if that was a great offense to mankind. Remus was glad Lily was in the front row and didn't hear, not with the excited chatter of most everyone discussing their still absent Professor.

"Oh, the girls are nice enough," Peter piped in again, a rather gloating expression on his face.

"Then go sit with them," James snapped, and Peter deflated. Remus sighed again, already feeling a headache coming on. He just hoped things would go back to normal once Quidditch trials were done in another week, and Peter learned not to keep bragging.

"Hey, hey, here he comes," Sirius whispered, and they all took their seats, the sound of scraping chairs filling the room. Remus sat next to Peter, since James and Sirius didn't seem likely to, and the boy gave him a grateful smile as their Professor strode into the classroom.

"Attention, class, attention," called Professor Corbyn, and everyone quieted down almost instantly. One of the perks of the students not knowing what to expect from a new Professor was their quick obedience. It seemed some of the class was expecting sparks to come flying out of his wand immediately since he was described as eccentric by most, but instead he did an altogether disappointingly normal roll call. Then in a still very un-quirky manner, he announced that during the double class periods they would be joined by Slytherins this year, to a chorus of very loud groans.

"Now, I know your houses don't get along but keep in mind that the other house is the one you'll be paired up to practice spells on, and a little healthy competition is a great motivator." That seemed to put the groaning to rest, and James rubbed his hands deviously, whispering to Sirius, loud enough for Remus and Peter to hear, that he hoped he got paired with Severus so he could hurl him against the wall.

"That being said," Professor Corbyn added sharply, "I won't tolerate antagonizing of any kind. We can have a friendly competition in my class but keep your personal feelings to yourself. Adversaries can become our greatest allies if the situations are right, and in times like these we must keep...even our most aggravating allies as such."

"Have you met a Slytherin?!" Sirius shouted out in rage. "They aren't allies at all!" Professor Corbyn eyed Sirius briefly, and remembering how nervous the Professor said he was about teaching, Remus wanted to bury his face in his hands. Of course, it would be one of his friends challenging the man right off the bat.

"That, I'm afraid, is a narrow mindedness that you may find leads to you having difficulty in this class." Before Sirius could argue further, Professor Corbyn began explaining why that would be the case, and what his view on dark creatures was. By the end of the class, only Lily and Remus didn't look completely outraged. Even having been prepared that he was 'eccentric' ahead of time, and their Professor's explanation they would be given many practical examples to persuade them did nothing to lessen the shock.

"He's batty! Absolutely mental," Sirius ranted as the four of them left together, slightly behind the girls who walked with their arms linked and seemed to all be listening to Lily who, Remus suspected, was trying to explain why she agreed.

"Everyone we talked to seemed to like him….. This goes beyond just eccentric though. You reckon other students just haven't realized he's a nutter yet?" James asked, shaking his head. "He didn't even have any fun stories like our professor last year."

"You don't think he'd bring in….in real, dangerous creatures?" Peter asked fearfully.

"Hm, I hope so! Maybe it wouldn't be half bad. Like if he brought in a banshee or a ghoul or something. Maybe just because he likes them, or whatever, doesn't mean he won't show us how to fight them! That's his job after all, isn't it? I mean, no matter what he says they are just a buncha monsters"

"NO that's NOT true!" Lily suddenly shouted, and pulled away from the girls who had all stopped, watching Lily who was red-faced. "Weren't you listening at all to Professor Corbyn! They are mostly misunderstood." Remus saw Sirius' eyes flash with anger.

"Sirius," he said warningly, but the impulsive boy wasn't listening, and the other two didn't seem to care as he stormed up to Lily, getting right up in her face.

"You're as mental as he is. They are called dark creatures for a reason! Because they are dark and evil and nasty things." Remus knew Sirius was upset because of the dementor, but still hearing him say that hurt, even if he knew he was...more or less, right.

"And what if you became one!" Lily shouted back at him, the two of them practically nose to nose, as they glared at each other.

"Well, then I'd be smart enough to off myself now wouldn't I!" Sirius sneered. For a second Remus thought Lily glanced at him but convinced himself he must have imagined it. For starters, anyone facing Sirius' full glare had as hard a time looking away as someone facing Lily's, and second, she had no reason to look at Remus. Suddenly, he felt ill as the full impact of what Sirius said hit him, and he felt his chest closing up.

Part of him, a very small part, had begun to hope they might, just might, accept him eventually. But Sirius' comment just seemed to point out how right Remus' uncle and dad were.

Turning away from everyone, James and Peter were both laughing as if Sirius had said something funny or witty, Remus was about to leave when a loud smack suddenly broke the laughter. Remus turned around gaping at Lily whose eyes were blazing and filling with tears, her hand still raised. Sirius' face was turned slightly, shock quickly turning into a boiling rage. But before he could react the other girls were huddling Lily away securely.

"You're going to pay for that Evans!" Sirius roared after her seething.

"Hey mate…...come on cool off…," James began uncertainly, flinching as Sirius turned his rage to him.

"You agree with her Potter? You think dark creatures won't rip you up and hurt you and drain your…." Sirius trailed off the anger fading. "Whatever doesn't matter," he finished defensively and turned away stalking down the corridor. It took Remus a second to realize Peter and James were looking at him expectantly.

"What?" he asked, still fighting down the urge to vomit. Lily didn't know, she couldn't know, there was absolutely no way she knew, despite how odd her reaction had been. He hoped something hadn't happened to her or her family or someone else she knew because it certainly wasn't about him. That much he was certain of, mostly.

"Aren't you gonna go after him?"

"Yeah, you're the best one at getting him out of one of his moods."

"Not this time," Remus replied immediately, feeling guilty.

"It's…..it's because of the dementor right?...that he gets that mad….blimey, I thought last year he was just trying to scare us..." Peter stammered eyes wide with fright and James' didn't look any less fearful.

Remus met their confused, helpless eyes. He knew without a doubt James would go after Sirius despite not understanding, and try to make Sirius feel better which may backfire if Remus did not go. If James went, Sirius would probably say something harsh in defense because they were painfully aware of the fact James didn't understand, and the two would fight, and it wouldn't go well at all.

"I changed my mind, I'll go," he responded carefully, not wanting to confirm or deny anything about the dementors. He turned to go find Sirius, but James grabbed his hand, and when he looked back the boy had tears in his eyes.

"You don't…..your dad doesn't…." It took Remus a second to realize what he was trying to ask.

"No!" he whispered horrified. "Why would you ask such a thing?" James let go of him looking nervous.

"You just…...seem to understand is all…." Remus winced.

"I…... I can understand why he hates dark creatures…." he admitted reluctantly, and some of the fear left Peter's eyes who just looked surprised now.

"Really? You never say anything. You didn't have one complaint about our class" Remus gave them both a sad smile feeling like his heart was ripping.

"I just don't like getting mad. Anyways I should go after him or I won't find him," he lied knowing exactly where Sirius would go. James nodded and they let him leave, though both still looked concerned. Remus really wished things could just stay light-hearted, even more, he wished Sirius hadn't been hurt so bad by a dementor. Then maybe, there would be a chance they could be friends, and stay friends even if the truth eventually became known about what Remus Lupin was.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Caught in the Middle

Chapter Eleven: Caught in the Middle

Sirius was exactly where Remus suspected he'd be, and he sat down beside him under the tree. Sirius sniffed in response, face buried in his arms.

"How'd you find me, Remus?" Sirius asked angrily, definitely still in a gloomy mood. Remus doubted Lily hitting him helped, and though he understood why she did, he also couldn't help be a bit mad at her that she had done that.

"This is where you always met up with your cousin," he replied simply, leaving out the fact he could tell Sirius was clearly missing her, made worse by the fact he hadn't even really spoken to Regulus yet. Sirius had filled in Remus about Narcissa and the train, and it wasn't hard to see why lately his friend always seemed always close to exploding.

"You know me so well." Sirius shifted slightly and Remus put an arm around his hunched shoulders, letting him lean against him. It was hot outside but Sirius felt really cold. Remus shivered, afraid to ask how many times Sirius had been forced to face the dementor over the summer.

"I'm going to kill Lily Evans. I hate her, I absolutely hate her!"

Remus let Sirius rant for a while all about how dreadful Lily was, knowing that he wasn't really that mad at her. Somewhere along the lines as he sat listening to his friends' ranting it changed to the real source of his rage.

"And Lily Evans doesn't know nearly as much as she thinks she does. To think I believed her when she said she'd try to be all nice and mature or whatever bollocks she said. …I didn't tell the others but I overheard her talking to Regulus in the pet store. She bought him a pet and basically said until I apologized I was dead to her," Sirius shouted, hurt more than anger in his voice now.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Remus assured him, able to decipher who he was now talking about with very little effort. He desperately wished his friend's summer could have gone better.

"It's not fair! I tried so hard over the summer. I told James I didn't and that's why I had to run away, but I tried with everything I had to be good enough, Remus." Sirius was sobbing now and Remus rubbed his back consolingly.

"It's really not your fault Sirius. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Then why am I not good enough?" he shouted, his voice muffled by his hand covering his mouth.

"That's her Sirius, not you. She...she's not very nice. And you are."

"I get so mad….I'm not really that nice. I've been pretty awful to Peter, especially lately. It hasn't been right. Without you here it just isn't the same."

Remus quickly blinked back his own tears needing to be strong for Sirius now. He couldn't cry no matter how much the tears pressed at him. The Sirius who had missed him so much was the same one who had said he'd kill himself if he became a dark creature. It surged like a wave into his brain every time he tried to push it away.

"Neither has James, but you're both nice...most of the time," he dared to tease, hoping Sirius was about ready to head back. He normally didn't mind consoling Sirius, normally found it pretty easy once he realized his mom had taught him all the right things. But Remus was afraid he'd ask Sirius if he meant his comment if they didn't get back to the others soon, and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the answer would be.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're practically saints we are." Sirius straightened grinning, "I think we deserve medals."

Remus smiled back, relieved.

"Not until you earn them," he replied simply, and Sirius broke out into, maybe a bit forceful laughter, but laughter, all the same. He even told Remus, in a teasing manner, that he'd make him pay for that comment later, sounding much more himself.

By the time they made it to the Great Hall lunch was nearly over. James and Peter were sitting next to each other talking, and for a second Remus saw Peter frown when he spotted them as if he was disappointed to see them. Rather he must still be worried about them, that was all. Besides, Peter quickly smiled and James only had to nudge him once to get him to move across the table, so Sirius could sit in his usual spot next to James.

"You…..better?" James asked cautiously, getting a roll thrown at him in response. Sirius was grinning and James' eyes flashed with mischief immediately snatching up a great blob of jello with his hand. Sirius reached to do the same, and Remus could just see the two of them smashing food into each others' faces. But before they could, Frank was there clearing his throat and placing a napkin smoothly over James' jello filled hand.

"Let's keep the points we've already earned boys. At least for a little while," Frank Longbottom replied, jovially enough. Remus was pleased to see he had become prefect, he couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more. Even James and Sirius liked him, though it was a 'grudging like' now.

"If we're quick no one will notice," Sirius pointed out cheekily, completely back to normal now.

"Perhaps, but you are second years now, which means you must set an example for the first years," Frank chuckled slightly, but his tone remained serious.

James glanced down the table where the first years sat, two of them gazing over at them with wide eyes. Remus was sad to see that there were so few of them this year, no bigger than his own class had been. But nowadays the entirety of the student population dwindled as families left Britain, now that it had become clear Voldemort was at war with the rest of the wizarding world.

Even though Hogwarts really was the safest place to be, after the poisonings last year and with families like Ryan's supposedly being targeted further because of having a child at Hogwarts, many parents would rather have their children with them. Or some, Remus had heard, had fled the continent altogether under the belief that Voldemort wouldn't chase them to the ends of the earth. Remus hoped they were right.

"Yeah, I suppose," James relented, and Frank smiled saying he was proud of their 'mature decision making', though Remus suspected there might have been very subtle sarcasm in the prefect's statement.

"Wish he wasn't a bloody prefect," Sirius muttered, biting into his roll with a vengeance.

"Wish he wasn't also the new Gryffindor Quidditch captain," James added sullenly. Remus smiled, that was definitely one way to get James' and Sirius' respect.

"Well there's always Liam," Peter pointed out with a grin.

"Ah, that's right. Good idea Peter!"

"Oh, don't look at us like that Remus, it will only be a bit of fun is all."

Thanks to Peter's 'brilliant' suggestion and the ban on pranking Slytherins in effect at the moment, the three of them spent lunch planning on how to give poor Liam an aneurysm, while Remus buttered his biscuit and nibbled on it slightly.

"Now you four better not be plotting mischief without my approval," Patricia called, sauntering over from where she was sitting with the other fourth years. Sirius gave her an innocent look which James copied.

"Of course not, Patricia dear."

"We'd never, Patricia dear."

She scoffed at them and whacked the back of their heads playfully.

"Good to see you, Remus, we were beginning to think you'd been yanked from the school," Patricia called out boldly, squeezing herself in between him and James.

…...

Sirius let her shove him, reminding himself that she held the key to getting them into the forbidden forest, a feat James and he had failed to do several times themselves, leading into more than one detention last year. But now that Remus was here hopefully they would learn the secret to entering the forest soon, not that it would stop them flocking to Patricia when given the opportunity. She still had several pranks to teach them after all, at least she said she did.

"Oh great master, give us more wisdom." James cried dramatically before Remus could answer, earning him another gentle whack on the head.

"Manners Potter or I'll have to teach you them again," she snickered, a definite playful threat in her voice. James grimaced, probably thinking that, like Sirius, he didn't want to spend hours washing the dorms' windows as Patricia critiqued them. Especially since they were second years now, they certainly weren't about to let a bunch of snot-nosed first years look down on them. If anyone was doing pointless chores to suck up it would be the firsties doing it to suck up to James and him. He couldn't imagine anyone sucking up to Peter, nor could he imagine Remus letting anyone suck up to him.

"So, why were you late to come to school Remus?" she asked cheerfully enough, ignoring Sirius elbowing her sharply. He glanced at Remus worriedly, all their patience would be for nothing now!

"My father didn't want me to come back. It took some convincing," Remus replied calmly enough, which convinced Sirus that it must not be the truth, at least it didn't sound right. Patricia didn't seem to buy it either, and gave Remus a smirk, her eyes once more holding just a hint of a friendly threat.

"If you aren't honest you won't get rewarded with the other good boys." She seemed to think this would win over Remus, to which Sirius had to hide his smirk over. Clearly she didn't know Remus that well, she really should just leave it to the masters. Sirius would have let Patricia continue to humiliate herself, in failed attempts to get Remus to care, only at this rate Remus wouldn't be joining them in the forbidden forest, which meant the adventure would be dramatically less fun.

"That's fine. I don't want to go anyways." Remus replied mildly, nibbling on a roll. He had hardly eaten anything, Sirius now realized. Glancing past Patricia he met James' eyes who seemed to know what he was thinking and gave a slight nod. Remus not eating probably meant he'd be disappearing soon, and he and James would be ready when he did. Although come to think of it, after their first meal with Remus, in which he had eaten more than Sirius had ever seen him consume in probably the entirety of year one, his portions had dwindled dramatically.

"Oh, come on Lupin, you're no fun," Patricia scoffed, sounding amused despite her words. Remus looked up at her, his eyes wary and calculating.

"Why do you need us to?" James' mouth fell open and Sirius kicked Remus from under the table. Obviously Patricia didn't need them to and was just a benevolent mentor. He was going to be seriously irked if Remus ruined this for them. Surely that wasn't his plan! But instead of getting mad, Patricia laughed.

"I knew you were clever. If you must know it's top-secret work and I'm not going to lie, it's dangerous, but I believe you boys can handle it." Peter made a squeaking noise and James' chest puffed up as he quickly assured Patricia he could. Surely they'd be able to, they were the best in their year, especially since stupid Lily certainly didn't count anymore.

"Why four of us? Why not just Sirius and James? They are the only two that want to go." Sirius was watching Patricia and Remus, his eyes flickering back and forth from one to the other. Neither of them seemed to be particularly mad at the other but there was a seriousness about them, like when they sat playing chess, that really made him worried this would end with none of them going.

"Fine. But I can't ensure their safety if only two go," Patricia pointed out, and James set his puppy dog eyes on Peter whose face went red and mumbled he never said he didn't want to go.

If Remus was surprised by Peter's quick turn around he didn't show it. He just kept staring at Patricia, his eyes narrowed slightly with a slight smile on his face, like when he was stuck on a hard problem. Remus could deny it all he liked, but Sirius knew he liked challenges, whether it was school-related or people related. Remus had even laughed when he pointed that out to him, teasingly reporting that that's why he was friends with them after all, though Sirius wasn't entirely sure how much of that had been a joke.

He abruptly remembered Remus walking in with the boys from the other dorm and he scowled, he wasn't going to let Remus replace them. Surely he wouldn't do that! But as Remus began asking Patricia the details of their soon-to-be adventure, he couldn't help but worry that maybe the boys in the other dorm weren't as nosy as they were. Maybe Remus liked that more, maybe he realized he didn't have to put up with their attempts at interrogations. Sirius seriously hoped that wasn't the case.

"I can't do that then." Came Remus' calm reply.

He forced himself to once more pay attention to Patricia and Remus whose conversation he had zoned out of, but who were still going back and forth as if they really were playing one of their particularly long and complicated games of chess.

"Why not?" Patricia asked, a challenge glittering in her eyes. James seemed in awe and Peter looked like he might runoff.

"We have an exam that week," Remus replied levelly but Sirius thought he was a bit paler now. Suddenly he realized what Patricia must have suggested and his mouth dropped.

"Then we'll go on the 30th. That's a Saturday," she replied slyly, and Sirius was beginning to wonder if she was going to back Remus up into a corner he couldn't get out of, and what the repercussions for that would be. He hadn't even realized Patricia had noted Remus' monthly disappearances! But he couldn't simply let her pressure Remus and ruin all their painful patience over the long past few days, which had felt like years to him.

"That's Quidditch practice," Remus replied calmly instead of getting flustered, taking a sip of his tea. Sirius noticed though that his knuckles were white, so maybe he was not that calm after all.

"Look Patricia, we can figure out a day later," he cut in before she could say something else, which would have really dug graves for the rest of them. Even if her pushing did let something slip, Remus would for sure avoid them for at least a day afterward. Plus, it was going to be Sirius and James that figured out his secret first!

She frowned at him looking thoughtful, probably about to say he'd be washing windows tonight instead of finishing his history of magic essay. Well more like looking off Remus' to finish it since he was the only one other than a certain nasty bossy girl who fully paid attention in that class. However, before she could say anything Dumbledore was talking into the podium and whatever anyone throughout the entire hall had been about to say was forgotten.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Dapper Dancing Dumbledore

Chapter Twelve: Dapper Dancing Dumbledore

"It's quite unusual for me to make announcements during lunch and I'm sure many of you are wondering why." Dumbledore waited for a few seconds, which is all it took until all eyes were on him, the hall dead silent. Patricia and Remus were no exception and Sirius let out a silent cheer for Dumbledore for his great timing, though mostly he was dying to know what was going on.

"Excellent. Well, you see I just couldn't help myself as this is quite good news to be sharing."

Again silence until Fabian Prewitt stood up and shouted, "Well what is it?"

Professor McGonagall shot her house's table a stern glare and Gideon yanked Fabian back into his seat looking embarrassed. Dumbledore merely smiled, enjoying the silence of anticipation.

"For the first time since 1792…" Lily suddenly gasped and Sirius resisted the urge to chuck a roll at her stupid head, bloody know it all. "Hogwarts will be attempting to host the Triwizard Tournament!" A loud cheer exploded across the school, even the Slytherins and their usual bad attitudes were affected. Someone, a Hufflepuff, stood up on their bench and started clapping loudly, and soon practically the whole school was doing the same.

Sirius gestured for Remus to join but he shook his head looking upset and possibly not even knowing what the tournament was. Gideon started a cheer of "All hail Dapper Dumbledore," though most people were just shouting his name. What a feat!

"You know what that is right?" he asked Remus who gave him a strained smile and this time he resisted the urge to throw a roll at Patricia. Sure it had only been a few days since Remus arrived but it was still a very hard task, nearly impossible, to not hound him on why he'd been late. Or not to hound him on why his disappearances seemed to be at the end of the month, or at least the second half of the month. That seemed to be significant somehow, yet it was never the same day in a row! Argh now they'd probably never get the truth out of Remus and it was entirely Patricia's fault, and Remus' as well.

When he looked up from Remus whose mood had definitely been spoiled by Patricia, he found that Dumbledore had started dancing a little jig to the explosion of clapping which just led to more cheering and laughter, even some catcalls. Truly it was like the tension amongst the entire school had evaporated! Sirius even saw some Slytherins and Ravenclaws, their tables being next to one another, giving high fives and smiling.

It was baffling and Sirius tried to find Regulus amongst the first year Slytherins but the lot of them were crowded around so tightly that he didn't have any luck since there sure were a lot of new Slytherins this year. Professor McGonagall finally cleared her throat, which brought an end to Dumbledore's little dance.

"Yes, it is quite a cause for celebration. We will be having students from Durmstrang Institute and Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, both prestigious schools. These are the two other primary schools of wizardry in Europe and I trust that if you don't already know about them that you will hear from students who do shortly as the rumors fly. Tomorrow I will give the rest of the details but until then let your imaginations run wild. Now off to class pip pip!"

Everyone bustled to leave, friends of students who weren't at lunch, for whatever reason, taking off quickly to fill them in. Dumbledore sure was right about the rumors! By the time Sirius reached the door leading into the hall, he had already heard that wood nymphs serenaded the Beauxbatons to that they were all half nymphs, and that all the Durmstrang students had their own dragons that they rode like brooms!

"Wow, I can't wait! I hope we're chosen. You and me, we'd be the best champions Hogwarts had to offer!" James shouted loudly as they walked down the hallway, getting a few dirty looks from older students who no doubt wanted to be champions themselves.

"There can only be one champion per school and I'm certain neither Potter or Black will be it," Lily replied coolly to several of her girlfriends crowding around her, everyone trying to make their way to class at the same time.

"Now see here…," Sirius began heatedly, but Remus cut him off quickly, shifting himself so he was between LIly and him, the git.

"Sirius, I think she only means that you are both too young," Remus explained, and Sirius realized he must have read all about the tournament, and probably had known what Dumbledore was going to announce by the date, like Lily, he was also a swat after all.

"Well that's partly the reason," she replied and Marlene laughed shrilly. James' face went red and he made a move towards Lily, but Remus put a hand on his chest. They looked quite ridiculous, the girls on one side of the hall glaring at James and him, with Remus in between, one hand on James' chest the other stretched behind him, as if he expected to need to hold off the girls as well.

"You better watch your back Evans after you attacked Sirius like that, no one hurts my mates like that and gets away with it!" James cut in sharply, his cheeks still a bit pink.

"Then he shouldn't have been such an evil little toe rag," she snapped back heatedly. Sirius wasn't sure what her problem was but she had been way too touchy about dark creatures, their rights, and that they weren't evil and other such rubbish, ever since her extra credit assignment. Or maybe before that, he couldn't remember. Oddly her eyes were on Remus and she looked sad, probably because she knew better than to start a fight that would wind up with him getting hurt in the middle of it.

"How am I evil for saying dark creatures are?!" he shouted back though he also didn't draw his wand, he didn't want Remus getting hurt either.

"Because they aren't, and you won't even listen to reason."

"No! You won't listen to reason! Everyone thinks you're mental, right Dorcas, right Marlene?" James called out to them but Dorcas just shrugged and Marlene jumped a bit before glancing at Lily and staring at the floor. Sirius wondered when Lily had become the leader, he was sure Dorcas would be. Then again Dorcas wasn't a pompous bossy bloody stinky no good git!

"See Potter, don't put words into people's mouths," Lily replied cheekily, though she didn't sound quite as heated as she had been moments before. Maybe she wanted to resolve this peacefully, but Sirius' cheek still hurt and he intended to make her cry for messing with him, though he couldn't come up with a suitable way to do so, especially not in the middle of this stupid argument.

"Well, Remus agrees with us! He's not mental. Right, Remus?" James spoke up again, sounding hopeful.

Sirius wasn't sure why Lily had gone so white as James addressed Remus. Had they become boyfriend and girlfriend without Sirius realizing it? Surely Remus would have told them that, no matter how closed off he normally was. After all, it was bragging rights for life! Sirius figured it was better than Peter also getting that victory, but he found the idea of Remus dating Lily quite repulsive. The two of them would just become more and more swattish and that certainly couldn't be allowed. Sirius would save him from that gloomy fate!

"Why aren't you saying anything? Come on mate!" James pleaded the whole argument quickly becoming a matter of pride for his friend, since Sirius doubted it was because Lily had slapped him anymore. Whenever Lily was involved everything quickly became some sort of competition, at least in James' eyes. Remus, his back towards the girls, glanced at James, also rather pale. He looked about ready to faint and Sirius knew he really had to make sure his friend ate more from now on.

"Y…..yes that's right. They're evil and I hate them." Remus started out hesitant but by the end there was more anger in his voice than Sirius would have expected. He knew Remus had been attacked by a cockatrice so maybe he just hated all creatures, which seemed saner than Lily defending all of them for literally no good reason.

Lily went beyond pale, her face falling, then she whipped around running away crying over a stupid argument that it seemed she had indeed lost, geez she was such a sissy.

"Yes! Hah, take that! Talk about being a sore loser," James laughed gleefully, though Sirius saw his eyes lingering on Lily's retreating figure with a slight frown on his face. Sirius was quite pleased with the victory himself, then Remus bent over coughing and gasping for breath.

"You ok Remus?" Peter asked in concern, moving from where he'd been hiding behind James to Remus' side. "Are you panicking again?" Remus shook his head though it really seemed like he was. James wasn't smiling anymore.

"Is she your girlfriend?" he demanded, though Remus currently wasn't able to answer, hardly able to breathe. Sirius would have been concerned for his friend, if the thought of Remus and Lily together didn't make him so angry himself for some reason, though James was more so by far.

"Don't worry I'm sure your girly friend will forgive you if you grovel," Sirius pointed out coldly, partly hoping to get a rise out of Remus to get him to stop coughing as he was now growing concerned, and James laughed a strained laugh in response.

"What? Do you have a girlfriend?" Peter pouted, clearly hoping that Marlene would become his girlfriend, which would have made him the first to get one, though Peter hadn't even worked up enough courage to ask her. Well, he might have, but he and James had talked him out of it like the good friends they were.

"I….we're going to be late for class," Remus said, eventually straightening though he looked rather ill, and left the three of them standing there stunned.

"He…...he didn't deny it this time…," James suddenly looked ill himself. Sirius made a dramatic gagging noise and Peter just looked put out.

"We'll just have to break them up, James. It's for his own good."

"Definitely!" James agreed, just a little too quickly.

"Does this mean when Marlene agrees to go out with me I'll only be the second of us to get a girlfriend?"

"OH SHUT IT PETER!" he and James shouted at the same time, then they laughed at him, Peter laughing a bit as well though still pouting, and they headed off to Herbology.

….

Lily wasn't in Herbology and Remus tried unsuccessfully to ignore the sinking feeling he had. His attempts to convince himself she didn't know grew weaker and weaker, until he was left with the terrifying possibility she might, only might, suspect. This suspicion was made worse by the fact that she...seemed capable of accepting him...and maybe he could at least talk to her...but surely not! And with that reasoning, he just ended up throwing himself into a wheel of confusion all over again.

"Careful," James snapped, as his hand blocked the leaping toadstool from,...well..., leaping.

"Thanks," Remus replied, still feeling dazed, and James elbowed him very hard in response, with much more force than was needed to snap him out of his thoughts.

"I've been talking to you for the past few minutes, didn't you hear anything I was saying?" James huffed with irritation, his cheeks slightly pink.

"You did? Sorry." He looked up at James seeing a flash of annoyance before it melted into a grudging concern. James was a good friend which made him feel worse, because he knew James had a crush on Lily and that they all thought Remus was going out with Lily now, but that was only because he couldn't possibly think of another excuse for why he had started panicking. At least not an excuse that wouldn't point a giant neon sign at him that read 'beware the dark creature'. Remus realized he was spacing off again and quickly looked down at the toadstool this time gripping it tighter.

"Remus,….look she won't stay mad at you forever," James replied weakly and Remus' heart clenched with guilt.

"If…you…...James I don't want to make any of my friends mad….."

"Then…..then don't go out with her! I don't care… much... but Sirius has his panties in a bunch over it," James explained quickly and Remus nodded, his head suddenly pounding. "You're a good mate, Remus," he vaguely heard James say, his friend sounding relieved.

If only Remus could be relieved, if only he could somehow find out that Lily didn't know without risking leading her to his discovery if she didn't. Not only that, but if Lily heard from Marlene that Remus said they were dating, who would be told by Peter who she'd been hanging out with, then it was very likely Lily would be mad at him!

He wouldn't even be able to explain he was only using her as an excuse, which wasn't very nice in the first place he knew, and then she might get the wrong idea. Lily was the last person he wanted things to be awkward with. He was looking forward to studying with her and Severus, and now he wasn't sure he'd be able to. It was an altogether stressful mess he had somehow ended up creating for himself.

Suddenly, Peter who was paired up with Sirius at a different table let out a shout which dragged Remus away from his depressing thoughts. He looked up in time to see the leaping toadstool leap right into Peter's face which immediately started swelling, blood oozing from his nose. James and Sirius laughed as hard as the rest of the class, and Remus quickly volunteered to go to the hospital wing with Peter, since he realized that James and Sirius would tease Peter the whole way if they went.

"T…..dnks…..Remus…," Peter muttered from underneath the cloth pressed to his badly swollen face, those leaping toadstools were quite big and had left quite the impression. Remus knew Peter was proud of himself for not crying until he left the greenhouse with Remus, and now the boy was letting snot and tears run down his face, clearly in a lot of pain.

"Here take this handkerchief. But Peter you shouldn't talk, it will probably make your pain worse and that one tooth looks like it might fall out if you do." Peter took the handkerchief dabbing at his face and nodded, his little eyes filling with more and more tears.

"Don't worry, Madam Pomfrey will fix you up in no time," Remus added quickly.

He realized he'd finally be seeing Madam Pomfrey, which he was happy about. He had wanted to visit her earlier but couldn't come up with an excuse and felt too weird going there to just say hi, she was a very busy woman after all.

"...to….do….think….M…..Marlene….."

"I think she found you very brave," Remus cut him off because he was sure talking would only make it worse for Peter. Peter gave a lopsided smile through his tears and Remus hoped that James and Sirius were wrong about Marlene not liking Peter in the slightest. With Peter reassured his crush was impressed by him he fell silent and they were able to walk the rest of the way in silence, and were able to reach the hospital wing quickly.

Right away Madam Pomfrey came over with her hair tied back in its usual bun, the strict yet attentive look firmly on her face as she examined Peter.

"Oh, that's quite a nasty injury, Mr. Pettigrew. Right, this way. Thank you for delivering him Mr. Lupin, you may go now."

Remus was shocked for a second then worried he might have upset the matron but as she turned Peter around she gestured for Remus to stay. Hoping he hadn't somehow done something wrong he stood there awkwardly until she returned. Madam Pomfrey glanced around then pulled Remus into a warm hug that he nearly started crying from, not realizing he needed one so much.

"It's good to see you, Remus! How was your summer?" He felt a few tears run down his cheeks despite his very best efforts to stop them and he blushed with embarrassment as she let him go. The matron only smiled kindly and handed him some chocolate.

"Now don't be embarrassed, I've seen just about every student cry," she reprimanded gently, though she looked a bit sad. Remus wondered if some of the students that had cried to her had cried over really bad things, before he realized she was sad because he was crying. He stopped, quickly wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"Was your summer alright dear?" she asked again worriedly, and Remus lied telling her that his father and he went on a vacation and it was great. He even added that he got to hang out with his friends, because that would be exactly how his dream vacation went, and that was much better than reality. Lying about it seemed to cheer her up at least, and she made him promise to join her for tea when he could spare a morning before "she would see him next".

"Thank you for the chocolate Madam Pomfrey. Will Peter be alright?"

"Yes, yes the swelling will be about gone by now and with a quick healing spell, he'll be back to normal, though I'm sure he'll want to rest a bit longer before going back to class. You can join him if you like, you do look a bit peaky. Have you been eating enough?" He assured her he had and that he wouldn't wait, he had to get back to class. He really couldn't afford to miss any more class than he inevitably already would, and he left before she could ask how much food constituted 'enough'.

When he reached the greenhouse several Ravenclaws, who they had this class with, were gloating since they had finished planting their toadstools first. Peter's leaping toadstool hadn't been the only one to get away, several smashed windows showed the imprint of two toadstools and one student was half lying on theirs swearing in frustration.

"Language!" Professor Sprout warned cautiously, then went over to the struggling student to help. Remus went back to James who was shoving in one of the toadstools, which struggled against his efforts and nearly whacked him in the face.

"Here I'll help.''

With two of them again wrangling toadstools they were able to finish before class ended. Peter, who didn't return, meant that Sirius had only managed to plant one by himself. Since Professor Sprout had told them that anyone not done would stay after, it was understandable Sirius seemed to be in a bad mood.

Remus and James looked at each other then headed over to help Sirius, who was muttering that Peter should have returned by now. By the time the three of them finished the sun was sinking as they trudged up to the castle covered in dirt and sweat. Truthfully, after all that extra work, even Remus felt annoyed at the boy who had long, long ago healed.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Not All Rainbows and Unicorns

Chapter Thirteen: Not All Rainbows and Unicorns

…

"I'm soooo sorry!" Peter whined for the hundredth time, producing a pile of snacks to make them forgive him. He was getting quite bold at sneaking into the kitchens by himself. Sirius turned his nose up at him, even though he was feeling fine after a nice hot shower.

"We didn't get to do any of our homework we were going to do," James pointed out and Sirius scoffed since they were actually supposed to practice flying, which was actually much worse to miss.

"I'm really sorry, I explained that I ended up passing out…."

"Yeah, yeah, some mate you are," James muttered, sounding wounded still. Peter looked ready to cry and went over to Remus, who was by far the most forgiving.

"Remus, you took me there and Madam Pomfrey said it would be a while, right?" Remus glanced at Peter, looking tired. He hadn't showered yet (James had just finished his) and looked down at Peter with displeasure and mild annoyance.

"Peter, you do realize you didn't get graded for this assignment right?" he asked, gently, despite the obvious frustration with his friend that they all shared, and Peter made a pitiful whimpering sound.

"But I….I got injured!" he sputtered indignantly. "I even lost a tooth."

"Yeah, and Remus is ill every time he goes to Potions, but still he goes," James pointed out angrily and Peter hung his head in what Sirius at first thought was a well-deserved shame.

"It's not fair! I'm having a really hard time and none of you care and it's not fair." Sirius had been about to forgive him, what with him bringing treats and all, but that statement ruined it entirely. He got to his feet, ignoring Remus' warning tone, and grabbed Peter's shirt collar, giving him a good shake.

"YOU..., YOU are having a hard time!" he shouted in Peter's face, who looked quite scared now. Good, he should be, throwing around that rubbish in front of him and Remus.

"That's enough!" James shouted angrily, and Sirius dropped Peter, surprised. It wasn't Peter that James was angry with, not anymore.

"Sirius, you can't respond like that; you don't know what Peter's having a hard time with," Remus replied quietly, although Sirius hardly heard him, glaring at James, who glared back.

"What's your problem, Potter?!"

"What's yours, Black?! You've been taking out your anger on all of us since you got here. It's not our fault you had a lousy summer and family, or that Remus doesn't tell us anything or that Regulus won't talk to you!" James shouted, face red with anger. Sirius felt his cheeks color with embarrassment, which quickly became anger.

"I get to be pissed at you because you don't get it!" he hollered back, the hurt that had been in his chest since arriving at the Potter's mansion and invading on their perfect little life exploding.

"But that's not our fault!" James cried out, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Remus doesn't get pissed at us for that!"

"Well, Remus is just better than me, now isn't he," Sirius snapped, wishing he could stop the words coming from his mouth, but not knowing how to. He just felt so…...so….angry!

"That's not what I'm saying! Look, mate, if I could trade places with you ..."

"Don't say that!" Sirius gasped, the anger dissipating into cold shock. He stared at James, who met his gaze determinedly, and Sirius knew he had meant what he said.

"Why not? It's true." James looked at Remus, who had been trying to sneak off into the bathroom. "Same goes for you, Remus. Look, I know you two had it worse, but it wasn't all sunshine and unicorns for me and Peter, you know. We both were worried sick about you, and we didn't really hear much from either of you to settle our fears, you know!" Sirius hadn't thought of it like that before.

Remus went pale and his hand shook as he tried unsuccessfully to open the door. James moved quickly to stop him.

"No! That is enough! Sirius is going to make himself sick. We all are, and it's making us all too stressed and angry. You need to answer our question, Remus, and if you care about our wellbeing at all you'll answer it honestly," James said sternly, and Remus seemed to shrink under his gaze, utter terror in his eyes. Sirius was in awe, but wasn't entirely sure this was the best approach, at the moment, though, he felt lousy enough that he didn't care.

"What….what question is that?" Remus asked in a hoarse voice. James let go of the doorknob and backed away, giving him space.

"Sorry mate, I….I got a little carried away there. Take your shower first then we'll talk. All huddled on your bed like old times?" James offered with a small smile. Remus nodded but didn't smile back and soon the sound of running water could be heard, making any crying that may or may not be happening inside impossible to hear.

"Now what?" Sirius asked flatly, and James looked guilty and shrugged.

"Sorry, mate I just…..just couldn't take it anymore. I know you thought it was best he settled in first, but honestly, it just felt tenser that way."

Sirius knew James was right, he just hated that there wasn't a right answer to this very difficult problem.

"I'm certain he knew what we were doing anyway. But at least he was willing to play along. What now? It's not like we can tie him up and force the answers out of him, and, James, you nixed any sort of truth serum."

"...well…..that's ….when I thought he'd eventually tell us. We've proven our friendship to him and given him a whole year!" James exclaimed, sounding thoroughly fed up.

"Then we just have to filch some from Slughorn's office and…"

"NO!" Peter cried, unusually loudly and angrily. Sirius had nearly forgotten he was there and turned around to angrily tell off Peter, only to find him crying.

"How could you two even suggest such a thing! I used to think we were all the best of mates but…..but that you would stoop so low..." Sirius never thought Peter would succeed in being the moral compass, but one glance at James showed that he looked as guilty as Sirius felt.

"We were only joking…," he replied weakly.

"No, you weren't," Peter snapped, a determination to stand them down in his eyes that wasn't there last year.

"NO, we weren't Peter….. We're just losing our minds here!"

"Why?" Peter asked angrily, and Sirius was about to yell at him, but Peter cut him off. "You two always act like I'm a terrible friend since I don't worry as much. But what good does worrying do you? Maybe whatever it is, it's so personal Remus doesn't want to share. I know I haven't told you guys everything, and before you say 'that's just little stuff', you should know it's the biggest, most dreadful secret of my life! So maybe if you just thought about someone besides Remus for a change…. he's not the only one with problems!"

"...We….we didn't know, Peter…," Sirius admitted, starting to feel worried about whatever this secret was. If Peter was being hurt by his family…..., but they had all seemed really nice, from what he knew of them, anyway. James ran a hand through his hair, looking stressed.

"What is it, mate?" Peter was still crying, hugging one of his pillows to him. Elvis let out a little distressed mew, and pawed at Sirius' foot until he picked him up.

"Let's just wait until Remus is done. And leave him alone! He really will stop being friends with us if you two don't stop it. Is it worth it to find out whatever the secret is, only to lose Remus? Because if it is, you must not think very highly about him at all!" Peter continued angrily, seeming to realize for once he had the upper hand, and not willing to let it go.

"You're right, Peter," Sirius ground out between his teeth, finding the words hard to say. James nodded, though he didn't look any more pleased about it than Sirius was.

"And you two need to stop acting like you are the only two with things to say. You're always cutting me off and you've done it with Remus too. Maybe if you made us feel like we mattered we'd actually be more willing to open up to you."

Sirius was sure Peter was stretching it now. He didn't even sound that angry anymore, and his tears had stopped, but he kept right on going.

"AND I get to gloat about getting kissed first. Don't worry, you all will probably have girlfriends before I do. It's not like I don't realize that I'm not as athletic or smart as you. So at least let me have this one thing! Can't you at least do that?" he shouted, and Sirius ground his teeth some more.

"Fine, Peter," James replied, very curtly, and it seemed that Peter finally realized it was way past time for him to shut up.

Sirius petted Elvis, wishing he would sleep with him at night for once. But everytime Sirius woke up, he would find the kitten in Remus' bed, the boy long since awake and gone. Maybe Elvis slept with Remus at night and Sirius supposed if it helped him with his nightmares, it was a good thing. But Sirius really wished his kitten would help him with his own occasional nightmares, at least, once in a while.

Especially the most recent ones, which all featured Regulus in a variety of increasingly disturbing situations. More often than not, it was his typical bad dreams, with his mother beating him and making him face the dementor, only now they ended with Regulus 'rescuing' him only to point his wand right at his face and utter the killing curse with such hostility it always jolted him awake before the curse could reach him.

But of course that wasn't the only dream. There was one where Regulus was watching him drown, not actually drowning him but he could see his brother's rippling form above the surface, staring at him with as much disinterested attachment as one might stare at the boring fat gnomes that were useless and ugly. That's how Regulus made him feel a lot of the time, like an ugly useless little gnome. That was probably why the worst of these recent nightmares were the ones in which Regulus was being given rewards and their mother was kissing him, something she would never do.

Hell, even his grandparents seemed nicer in this dream. Only it wasn't to him, it was just Regulus. In these dreams Regulus was always the only son, the one who was the heir of House Black, while he….., he shuddered remembering it. He was always a decrepit mutated little house elf type creature. In the dream he certainly was being treated as if he was one, his family members towering over him and laughing at him haughtily as they got bigger and bigger and he got small and smaller.

He jolted himself away from that recollection, shaking himself violently. Shaking himself like he occasionally did when he had to get the thoughts far, far away from him. Of course, this earned him an odd look from James, but still, no one said anything.

The heavy uncomfortable silence stretched and finally Peter's face went bright red, seeming to just now realize he had gone too far.

"Look, I only meant….."

"Yeah, we get it, Peter, we're terrible friends," James replied, just as dryly as before, getting into his bed.

"What about Remus? What about Peter? James?" he asked, but James was never one to take being seriously called out well, not on anything that was really important to him. And friendship, being a good mate, was one of the most important things to James, Sirius was sure. So James ignored them, pulling a pillow over his head for the next half hour, in which the shower still hadn't stopped! Sirius supposed he couldn't blame Remus for stalling, only it was getting late and Sirius was so tired and Peter and James had both actually fallen asleep.

He really was going to stay awake and wake the others up. He was sure of that, but after laying on his bed, Elvis, for once, curled up on his chest, it became that much harder to follow through. Next thing Sirius knew, he was dreaming an uncommonly good dream of playing with Elvis, and of Peter and Regulus bowing to him, and of James professing his undying loyalty and that they were the best of friends. Since dreams didn't make sense, he didn't really question why Remus wasn't there, though that certainly would have made it better.

Then the good dream seemed to curl in on itself, burning at the edges as if someone had lit it on fire. Darkness closed in on Sirius, who tried to remain calm as the biggest damn dementor he'd ever seen descended on him as if he were a snack. A bony, decrepit hand slithered its way around his jaw, forcing his mouth open, and somewhere in the distance, some beast-like creature screamed and howled.

…...


	14. Chapter Fourteen: An Odd Conversation Beside an Odd Fireplace

Chapter Fourteen: An Odd Conversation Beside an Odd Fireplace

Remus spent that night plagued by nightmares that felt neverending. He was glad his plan had worked and that he had come out of the bathroom to find all three asleep. But a tiny part of him also was upset that they hadn't stayed awake, especially Sirius, who he was so sure he wouldn't be able to outlast. Deep down, he really was sick of keeping secrets. If they found out and he ended up turned into the Ministry, well, it was probably what he deserved after all.

So why Remus found himself standing outside Professor Corbyn's door after a long rest of the week and weekend of avoiding everyone, Lily included, he wasn't quite sure. Perhaps he was hoping that his Professor could convince him that all dark creatures weren't evil, that he wasn't…. That he was at least more than a monster, which is how Remus' nightmares never ceased to make him feel.

But he couldn't knock, he paced and paced and couldn't knock. He was very tired from having to wait until the others were asleep before returning to the dorm for several nights. At least his friends had learned to simply wait him out when he did this, they didn't try to hunt him down anymore, just actually gave him space. They must have known they pushed things too far. But James really had a point, and the guilt in Remus had been rising all weekend. He knew he was putting a strain on his friends, the problem was that telling the truth would put an even bigger one on them all.

Suddenly the door opened, and Remus found himself staring at Professor Corbyn, who looked a bit surprised, then smiled, holding the door open wider.

"Hello there, Remus. Please, please come in." Since he was awkwardly close to his Professor's office, too close to pass it off as simply passing by, he had no choice but to go in. Professor Corbyn's office had a homely feel to it, with a comfy looking chair and a little fireplace lit with cool multi-colored flames that seemed to soothe Remus unexplainably as soon as he saw them.

There were a lot of pictures of magical creatures on the wall, some hissing or snarling at whoever made eye contact with them, others sleeping, or still others watching curiously. With great relief, Remus realized there was thankfully no werewolf amongst the creatures. Though he wasn't sure how such a picture would work anyways, would it just be a man or woman most of the time?

"Please sit. You're the third student to show up today."

"Really?" Remus asked, surprised. He was sure he'd be the first to come to talk to their Professor, who had alerted their class, and all those he taught, that his door was open. Somehow, knowing that he wasn't the first or only one made him feel less foolish, if only marginally.

"Yes, I'm quite pleased. I was worried no one would take me up on my offer, though it seems my statement about dark creatures did the trick at getting students to come to see me. Two more visited me rather late yesterday night," Professor Corbyn explained as if this was the best news he could have hoped for.

"And they asked you about your...unusual beliefs?" Remus asked, feeling nice and warm and oddly calm. Much calmer than he would have expected to feel, though he couldn't quite place why that was.

"At first, but all conversations have led to some more personal topics. I must say that there are many students with many different struggles, and I'm pleased so many opened up to me. No pressure, of course." Remus found himself staring at the flames, slowly changing color. They almost made him feel sleepy, in a good way. As if his mom was there, holding him in her arms and humming to him, that kind of safe sleepy he hadn't felt in a long time. He realized he was crying, not seeming to be able to help himself, and mumbled a thank-you as his Professor handed him a handkerchief.

"My room...lets us more easily feel the emotions we feel, you see. Sometimes we need a little help realizing what we're feeling, and other times…." His expression softened, and Remus realized the handkerchief was soaked. He must be crying a lot, though he didn't feel like he was. He still felt calm, even though he had never ever felt calm about crying in front of anyone, except his mother.

He missed her so much. It was an ache that never went away, a pain he hardly ever seemed to get to think about. Things had been so different with her there. He didn't feel like a monster as she calmly stroked his hair and was always there to talk to. Then she got sick, and things got so dark, and monthly transformations became so horribly worse, which only made his mother worry and cry. Then one day she was just gone, and in a way Remus' life had become a state of endless night, a cold, lonely night with a full moon constantly there, threatening and mocking him.

But he couldn't cry over his mother; it had already been about two years? Three? He honestly had lost count. There were so many other worries and fears with her not around. There were so many other painful things to focus on besides her, more present and immediate. So why was he thinking of her, as if he was that same scared little boy who would crawl into her lap, letting her magically make his wounds feel better, even though he knew she had been a muggle.

He found himself looking at the flames, which danced about a deep, dark blue, almost black. He realized he could feel Professor Corbyn's intent eyes on him and the flames, which had been staying that almost-black blue, jumped into a bright pink.

"Why…..why is it changing like that?" he asked, feeling that these flames were quite important, though he couldn't say why.

"They ease and absorb some of the emotions [in the room] [that you're feeling]. It's handy when I'm having a meaningful conversation, for my students to feel safe and calm."

"Well, are they safe?" Remus didn't need to look at the flames to tell that they were a dark, angry red. He'd been betrayed before, too many times, and the anger seeped through, making things feel a little clearer and sharper, despite whatever spell or potion or whatever it was he was under. Professor Corbyn met his glare, and the concern increased on his face, the flames fading into a pleasant jade green color.

"What color does that mean?" Remus asked, and his Professor glanced at the fire, then gave a small smile that looked sad.

"Concern. You see, the flames pick up my emotions too. Usually, they just dance around randomly unless…" He hesitated, eyeing Remus again, "...someone is feeling especially strong emotions. It's not meant to be invasive, merely helpful. Honestly, you're the first one to notice it, though…." He looked at the flames again, which were now a yucky green color. "They've never responded quite so….um, forcefully before. If you want me to stop them I will, of course. I apologize if they've distressed you, they are really meant to do the opposite."

Remus was staring at the darkening yucky green flames, knowing that color must mean guilt and shame. He was feeling enough of it right now, though it was significantly less than he'd normally feel, which apparently was still enough to make the flames stay that color. They flickered to that pleasant jade color again, and even though Remus realized he should be concerned about his Professor's concern, it really was quite nice. Besides, if he saw the concern of his professor, then he could see if his Professor had strong feelings of anger or wanting to hurt him. He was sure he'd be able to see them, and that seemed to make it worth it, somehow. A pale yellow flame became the response.

"Do you want me to stop them? Ah….that color means distrust, and I certainly don't distrust you, Remus." He could do this, he was quite good at mastering his emotions, if he wasn't, they'd have consumed him by now. He took several deep breaths and the flames went white before jumping back to a dark jade color.

"Why did that concern you so much?" he asked, forcing himself to be alarmed.

"Ah, sorry…" Flames became orange and pink and Remus knew it wasn't him. He shifted himself away from the flames, feeling a bit bad for seeing his Professor's embarrassment and needing to look away from them for a minute. Somehow not looking at them made him feel cold but he shoved it aside. He was here for a reason, after all, an important one.

"Ask away, Mr. Lupin," Professor Corbyn encouraged with a smile. Perhaps it was his Professor's earnest way about him or the fact that the flames could become an advantage to Remus if he kept himself calm, but he decided he really could ask.

"How can you believe dark creatures aren't evil? There's study after study of the damage and devastation left in their wake."

"If one of your friends was under the imperius curse and killed someone would you consider them evil?" Taken aback by the question, Remus felt alarmed for a minute, before he calmed down again. If he didn't stay in control, the flames might tell his Professor more than he wanted, if they hadn't already.

"No, of course not."

"Well, then it's quite simple. Many, now, not all, mind you, but many dark creatures either can't help themselves or they are driven by instinct, with different views entirely over what's right and wrong. You see, you can't just judge based only on what your views are….you're dealing with entirely different species who don't think like us. But that doesn't necessarily mean their way of thinking is worse or bad. Quite fascinating, no?" Remus glanced at the flames, which were dark purple. He wanted to ask what it meant, but figure it was either passion or a sense of righteousness or something. The flames changed to grey as unease clawed at him. He wasn't entirely sure how to combat that. It made sense. Though why that made him uneasy, he didn't know.

"Did….did the other students find that explanation satisfactory?" he asked nervously.

"One did not, though we realized that had more to do with past experience. Those who have had...a bad encounter with a dark creature may understand what I say, but they don't believe it. They don't want to believe it. Grudges can be powerful things, but also damaging. They usually say I don't understand, and that's when I get to say that I do." Remus didn't understand, and the flames started changing color rapidly as he went from thinking that maybe his Professor was a werewolf, or maybe this was a trap, or maybe he did understand and if so, how could he now love dark creatures, which he truly seemed to.

Professor Corbyn was watching him again sharply and Remus knew something had shown in the flames, which he had only seen from the corner of his eyes. So much for staying calm.

"Would you like to know how I do?" Remus nodded. His Professor raised his pant leg, revealing a wooden leg. "I was attacked by a Yeti. My, that's an interesting reaction." Professor Corbyn sounded amused though it was hard to tell, a slight edge of something else in his tone, and fear-filled Remus.

"Sorry," he blurted, somehow feeling that he must have offended his Professor, though he still wasn't sure what he saw.

"Oh, don't be. Though I must say, Mr. Lupin, no one has ever responded with regret and relief at quite equal measures. Interesting indeed." Remus' uneasiness grew and he stood up to leave, unable to stay calm any longer. This was a bad idea and he had been stupid believing he could somehow trick the flames with his 'good self-control'.

"Don't go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There." He flicked his pinky finger in a zigzag formation and the flames disappeared. "Is that better? Sorry, I won't pry anymore if you don't want me to. I'm only here to help, and that's only if you want my help and you'll let me. I'd never force my help on you." He chuckled, as if that was ludicrous, and Remus suddenly wished that the flames were back, so he could tell if that response was an honest one. Eyeing his Professor, he sat back down, still feeling uneasy but curiosity winning out.

"So despite losing your leg you didn't hate the yeti." His Professor laughed again and shifted in his seat.

"Oh, I did! For many years, I did." He sighed, and Remus almost asked how old he was, but stopped himself, knowing that would be rude.

"What…...changed?"

"I became friends with a banshee. Yes, shocking, I know. Many people don't realize they aren't all malevolent. Of course, she had to be careful of her emotions but we got along for a while." Remus found it all rather startling, yet couldn't help but wonder why his professor sounded a bit sad at the end. Remus wished he had a little mini version of the fire just for him so that he could just use it on other people, especially his professor currently...and his friends, who sometimes really confused him.

"What happened?" Professor Corbyn seemed surprised by the question, then smiled and sighed heavily.

"I don't normally tell this part….. She accidentally killed someone, she…..was devastated, which just made it harder for her to control her emotions, which led to more outbursts. And...well after that, she was….exposed and…..' exterminated'," he explained, sounding disgusted at the end.

"But…...doesn't that mean she was….dangerous? I mean, she did kill someone."

"Yes, I suppose." His Professor sighed. "But humans are pardoned for killing when it's an accident. We're far more dangerous to one another than dark creatures. Just look at Voldemort." Remus nodded once more, not knowing how to combat that.

"I'm sorry...about your friend," Remus replied sincerely. He could believe that it was an accident; he just wasn't quite sure it would have been right not to dispose of the banshee afterward. If he ever killed someone, of course, it would be an accident, but he'd turn himself in right away. Not sure if he was more or less confused now, he sighed, trying to decipher how he felt about all he'd learn.

"Thank you, Mr. Lupin, that's kind of you to say. If you don't mind, maybe do not mention that part of my story for others. Getting them to understand is sensitive work, and I fear hearing about that may set them back." It was Remus' turn to be surprised and worried.

"Then why tell me?"

"Would you believe me if I said I don't know?" Remus shook his head, suddenly feeling very suspicious of his Professor again.

"Mm, thought not. I just suppose it's because there wasn't what usually turns up briefly in the flames of those I have already talked to. Well, there was plenty of fear….but your fear wasn't about dark creatures, was it? I didn't even see a flicker of hate accompanying it, which is what I most definitely always see, or at the very least prejudice. You don't have the same biases as your peers do, though maybe that has to do with living in the muggle world?" his Professor seemed to wonder out loud, but Remus nodded at that, seeing no harm in the man knowing this.

"You don't hate them, do you?"

"No…..I….I don't know…" he admitted after a few seconds, very glad the flames were gone. After all, he did hate himself a bit, especially because he wasn't good enough for his dad and for what he was putting his friends through.

"Well, that's quite alright. I will take I don't know over a heated yes any day. Any other questions?"

"How will you make others see? I'm sure it makes sense to them when you talk to them but….." He remembered something his mother told him once when she was trying to explain how different things would be to his little six-year-old self. "Prejudice is hard to get rid of."

"Right again. But the best way is exposure."

"You're going to bring a banshee to class?" he asked wearily. He couldn't imagine any dark creature that the students wouldn't all draw their wands at.

"No, no, I'll admit it's quite rare to find a banshee that doesn't wish harm. However, Dumbledore has already approved several ideas of mine, and as for what they are, you'll just have to wait to find out, my dear student." Professor Corbyn sounded very amused, and Remus thanked him, though wasn't sure he meant it, and left, his eyes still swirling every time he blinked with all the colors the fireplace had shown him.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Tryouts

Chapter Fifteen: Tryouts

James left Dumbledore's office frustrated. Sure, the headmaster had considered all his extremely clever arguments for why second years should be able to bring their own brooms, and why second-year students should be able to compete in the Triwizard Tournament if they wanted, but that was it. Besides, the Headmaster didn't even have good excuses for why the rules would still stand!

Ok, so maybe Dumbledore had, like, one good reason for why he had announced several days earlier that only students over the age of fifteen could participate. He claimed it was too dangerous, and after several exciting-yet-bloody stories Dumbledore had related to him quite calmly, James was slightly inclined to agree that he may be right.

If only Dumbledore had allowed James to send for his broom, then the meeting wouldn't have been a complete waste! However, even if the headmaster thought that his suggestion was splendid, he simply found it too late to implement it for this year. It would be unfair if some families were able to send the brooms and others were not. But of course, next year the rule would be changed, allowing second years to bring their brooms. A fat lot of good that did him!

Utterly defeated, he returned to his dorm room, wishing he had at least one more day to practice before tryouts.

"Well, what did he say?" Sirius asked anxiously, peeking over his book.

"No luck mate. Maybe next year he said and he turned down my…"

"Our," Sirius pointed out, amused.

"Yes, our points for why we should at least get a chance at the tournament."

Sirius shrugged, having been against James' attempts to get his broom here until he promised he'd let Sirius use his broom as well. Overall, Sirius had been less of a git since James shouted at him, but things were far from fine between all his friends. For starters, Sirius seemed to think not being upset around James, or at least pretending he wasn't, was a good way to go about fixing the things James called him out on.

That wasn't what he had wanted at all, but his moron of a friend insisted it had to be this way, with such a smug tone that James knew Sirius was just waiting for James to fold and say 'sorry', so that Sirius would actually start talking to him again about important things.

Then there was Peter, who James still disliked at the moment. He had some nerve calling the lot of them 'bad' friends the same night he ditched them, leaving them alone with that grueling assignment. But Peter kept hanging this 'big secret' over their heads, and even though Sirius pointed out that he was probably just exaggerating, they couldn't help be a bit worried about him.

But of course, the one causing the most problems was Remus. Ok, maybe James shouldn't have pointed him out as one of the reasons they were all stressed, but the fact was that he was completely right about that! Also, it might have helped if he hadn't implied Remus didn't care about them if he didn't tell them... but still, he remained firm in what he had said!

Only a few days of him avoiding them turned into a few more and it had become over a whole week of Remus avoiding them as a result of what James said. At least he was avoiding Lily too. They must have broken up, which James was quite pleased about, even if Lily seemed awfully down lately. It hurt to see her looking sad, but that's only because he was a gentleman. However, he felt more relieved than worried at Lily's cute little pout every time she saw Remus. But he was only pleased about it because he agreed with Sirius that anyone who dated Lily was a complete nutter!

James expected Sirius to be more worried about Remus, but maybe Peter shouting at them had sunken in a bit since he seemed content to let the matter be, until after tryouts at least.

"Where's Peter?" he asked, sitting down beside his best mate. He didn't bother to ask where Remus was, they had even spent a whole day in the invisibility cloak trying to find him, only to realize that when the little bugger didn't want to be found he made it happen.

"Dunno, probably anywhere besides off snogging Marlene," Sirius teased. Part of the reason Peter was so insufferable, other than calling them out on utter rubbish, was because he had gone against their very well-meaning advice and asked Marlene out. Of course, she had rejected him and he had been unbearably mopy because of it.

"We told him what would happen if he asked her, not our fault the toad didn't listen." Not that Peter was ugly or anything, but he was just average looking, and that wasn't enough to get a girlfriend if you didn't have something else to offer.

"Are you ready for tryouts tomorrow?" Sirius asked, changing the subject. He didn't at all seem to care that Peter had gotten his dumb little heartbroken. As irritating as his friend had been, James had sort of been trying to cheer up Peter, but even sneaking him a whole cake hadn't seemed to work for some reason.

"Yeah, of course. It'll be a breeze," James lied, quite convincingly at that. After all, he wasn't about to let Sirius know that his insides turned to water whenever he thought about flying around and getting judged for it. Goofing off and showing off when it was just for fun was one thing, but James was quite certain if he didn't get on the team this year he'd die!

"Yeah, I think so too. Even if there are a lot of people trying out, there are several spots since all the seventh years left," Sirius replied happily.

"Sirius, should we listen to Peter?" James asked abruptly, mostly because he didn't want to think about tryouts until he had to. "I mean he clearly wants to tell us this secret of his, which is probably nuthin, but only, what if it's not nuthin. What then? We aren't bad mates, right?"

Sirius whacked the top of his head, hard.

"Ow! What's that for?"

"Quit bringing that up, would you. We're the best of mates and if Peter doesn't see that he can get lost. He's lucky we let him hang around anyways." Still rubbing his head, James considered Sirius' wisdom.

"You know what, you're right. If he wants to tell us he can quit making a show about it and just tell us."

"Course I'm right, I'm always right!"

"Nuh-uh, I'm always right!" Grinning, they tousled around a bit before settling down to do homework, James forcing himself to put his worries about Peter and, even harder still, his worries about Quidditch, to rest for the meantime.

….

"James…..James, over here," Frank called to him, and gripping his broom tightly, he moved over. There were only five of them left, three of which were second years which had shown "unusual talent", according to the older students. His heart was hammering loudly. So far they had done simple drills he could have done in his sleep, but now two of them would be on one side and the other three on the other side and they would have scrimmage games. Playing with the players already on the team, with the whole team!

James felt giddy and he truly no longer had any nerves. He grinned at Sirius, who was one of the three-second years, obviously. His friend smiled back, though he looked a bit nervous. But James wasn't; it had been laughably easy so far. This was as easy as breathing to him, and this was where he shined the most so he loved it!

"Alright, everyone kick off on the sound on my whistle," came the sharp bark from their new flying instructor, Madam Hooch. Unlike their instructor last year, she seemed to appreciate the sport, which James was glad about, even if she was unnecessarily strict in his opinion.

With the sound of the whistle, James kicked off into the air and swerved, narrowly missing a Bludger sent his way. He kept his eyes on the Quaffle being tossed from one opposing teammate to another and swooped in to steal it.

It all came so easily to him, and by the end of the practice match, he had scored a whopping 60 points, so even though the other team caught the snitch, he was confident that he'd shown off his flying skills enough. Truly, it was laughable that he had been even a bit nervous. He was easily the best flyer, even out of the seventh year students!

"Potter, wipe that smirk off your face, nothing is decided yet," shouted one of his future teammates, but she sounded amused. He was so confident he was in, that when the current team huddled to decide he jumped up and down, trying not to squeal with giddiness.

"Congrats James….I'm sure you got in."

James looked over at Sirius, who looked distinctly upset, despite the smile he was forcing. Feeling a bit bad, since he had nearly forgotten Sirius was trying out too while he had been up in the air, he tried to think about how Sirius played as a beater on the opposite team, but it was all a blur.

"I'm sure you did too," he assured his friend, because he just had to join the team as well, he just had to.

"Not too sure about that. Dorcas played better than me and they only need one beater." He sounded so disheartened. James tried to sympathize with him but this was his shining moment, the start of all his glory so, despite trying to sound serious, he still managed to sound excited.

"Don't worry mate if need be I'll just threaten to quit unless they give you a spot." He expected Sirius to appreciate the offer, it was, after all, a very nice one. Instead, the tosser got mad at him!

"You aren't that good Potter. Maybe you won't even get on the team even someone a mile off can tell how arrogant you bloody are!"

"Woah, hang on I was trying to help!"

"Piss off Potter," Sirius scowled and James rolled his eyes. If his mate was going to be a sore loser then he'd go spend the time waiting, talking to someone else. At least the older two students trying out seemed appropriately impressed with his skills, one eyeing him with open awe. He could feel Sirius glowering at him but he ignored him, if he couldn't just be happy for James then he could be the one to piss off.

….

"He's a right old cocky little imp isn't he," Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, sorta but don't let it get you down too much," Dorcas replied, giving him a friendly pat on the back. "You were great out there yourself you know. I bet if you had tried out for chaser you could have given James a run for his money."

"You think?" he asked, brightening at the suggestion. Dorcas was alright she was, even if she was one of Lily's friends.

"Easily." She grinned and held out her hand which he shook. "No hard feelings either way alright? I myself think it could be you on the team as much as it could be me. Sirius hesitated knowing he wouldn't feel so sportsmanlike if she won but then he glanced at James who was laughing and boasting loudly about his flying expertise and realized he didn't at all want to be like that.

"Alright, and I wouldn't be so sure you really were the better flyer. You've got some serious skill yourself."

Dorcas beamed at him and they shook hands. After a short discussion about how the scrimmage game had gone, in which Sirius realized Dorcas was quite funny with her teasing Potter who they were both a little peeved with, the team huddled and called them forward.

"Now it was a tight call. I want the lot of you to keep that in mind. You all played exceptionally well and if we had the spots we'd easily take the lot of you. Now we'd like to announce the following new players to the team. Our new Chaser is…. James Potter…." Frank had to stop briefly as James let out a loud whoop of pure delight. "Our new Keeper is Louis Greytak and Our new Beater is….." Sirius held his breath and caught James glancing at him expectantly, ...maybe he wasn't the world's biggest tosser after all.

"...Is Dorcas Meadowes."

Sirius was vaguely aware of congratulating Dorcas, and the three that got on the team gathered together, laughing and beaming. He walked away with the only other student to not get in, feeling as though the earth was wobbling slightly. He wouldn't cry over this, absolutely not!

Besides, Quidditch wasn't the most important thing, this way he could focus on trying to change Regulus' mind and on getting to the bottom of whatever was going on with Remus. Yeah, this really was for the best, he convinced himself. But he felt rather numb and decided James Potter better stay clear of him for the rest of the day otherwise he'd hex the smug wanker into next week!

…..

"Remus you have to come quick!" Peter cried, finding him in the library where he had been staying once he realized the others' weren't hunting for him anymore.

"Why what's wrong?" Remus asked, surprised by the worry on his friend's face. Unlike with James and Sirius, he hadn't completely been avoiding Peter who had been really down since getting rejected. Remus didn't quite get why his friend was fussing over girls all of a sudden but knowing James and Sirius were being less than kind about the matter led to him letting Peter hang out with him.

"James and Sirius are gonna kill each other!" Peter explained, sounding earnest. Remus thought it might be the first statement he had heard from the boy that wasn't about Marlene or how bad he was doing at school all week!

"What? Why?"

Peter began to explain but before he finished Remus was already striding purposefully with him towards his two impossible friends. So much for avoiding them, at least until the first full moon.

Peter explained more in detail as they walked but Remus didn't really need any more explanation than Sirius didn't get on the team and James did. It was no surprise he could hear the two boys shouting at one another before he even reached the sixth level, and when he entered the room with Peter hiding behind him the two boys kept on yelling, probably not even realizing Remus and Peter had entered.

"WELL, YOUR HEAD IS TOO BIG!"

"WELL, YOU'RE A SORE LOSER!"

"Well your…."

For shouting so loudly neither of them seemed to be insulting the other very severely. He'd heard James call Sirius things that made him shake his head just thinking about them, and Sirius was possibly worse having learned a large number of creative swears and insults from his world-traveling uncle. But usually, when they insulted each other it was mostly teasing, perhaps the fact they weren't doing a better job with insults showed just how upset the two really were?

"James, Sirius you two need to stop shouting before someone gets Professor McGonnagal," he pointed out calmly.

That was another thing that was odd. If James and Sirius had been shouting as long and badly as Peter said then surely someone would have gotten Professor McGonnagal. Especially Liam who still seemed to have it out for the boys. Odder still was the way they both quieted down some instantly. Usually, it took Remus at least two tries to get their attention when they were having a row.

"He started it Remus and he keeps gloating about winning!"

"Well, you could be a bit more supportive mate!"

"James it's wonderful you got on the team but maybe give Sirius some time. Would you be supportive of him if he got in and you didn't?"

"Well that would never happen," James scoffed then glanced at Sirius whose oddly calm expression while shouting had grown darker. "But no I guess not. Sorry mate." Sirius glanced from James to Remus and back again.

"Sorry too. It is great you know…. I am happy for you….only…"

"Yeah, I'd be a lot happier if you were on the team as well. It won't be as fun now."

Well now...that was extremely strange, the two of them had settled down with barely any prompting of Remus. He didn't even have to physically get in the middle of them this time. Well, perhaps they really were growing up?

"Yeah, well when you piss yourself before the first game don't come crying to me," Sirius replied with a mocking grin and James stuck his tongue out at him. Well, maybe they were growing up really really slowly anyways.

At least things went back to normal. Neither James nor Sirius seemed to care about Remus' secret, both of them much too preoccupied with Quidditch. So they spent that evening playing gobstones and chess and unfortunately discussing what visitor their professor would be bringing into class next week.

It wasn't until Remus was finally laying down in bed, Elvis hopping onto his chest to the mock complaints of Sirius, that it occurred to him his friends may have staged the whole thing. But clearly that was ridiculous since they wouldn't care that much that Remus was avoiding them, not enough to get over their differences about Quidditch that fast anyway! Still, it was odd but Remus didn't let it bother him too much, he was just glad things were back to normal.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: An Unusual Visitor in the Middle of the Night

Chapter Sixteen: An Unusual Visitor in the Middle of the Night

Sirius waited until Remus was asleep and tiptoed out of the room knowing James would be following behind and maybe Peter if he hadn’t actually fallen asleep. Downstairs the common room was empty, the last student staying up late to do work passing Sirius on his way down.

“It worked,” James whispered excitedly when he joined him with a half-asleep Peter downstairs.

“Course it worked. I’m brilliant after all,” Sirius retorted, truthfully still a bit upset with James. However, when Peter had squeaked he’d go get Remus if the two of them didn’t stop really arguing the brilliant idea struck him. Still, that required being the better man and apologizing to James first when he was the one entirely in the wrong!

But it had been worth it, the three of them had decided it was a good, if not the only way, to get things back on track. Of course, they had to explain to Peter what their plan would be which took some time but when they wondered out loud if Remus would believe they had been fighting the whole time Peter had just laughed and said to leave it to him.

“That was some impressive acting Peter. I really thought you were going to piss yourself,” James laughed, draping his arm around Peter who was once more in their graces. They couldn’t have done it without him after all. 

“Does this mean you’ll let me join you when you tail him?” Peter asked hopefully and James tossed him the invisibility cloak grinning broadly.

“Your training in stealth begins now young one.” 

Peter fumbled with the cloak which to be fair was hard to catch due to the sleeky material it was made of. 

“Yes, quite right Potter. I believe we should start with basic exercises and have him work his way up to our expert level,” Sirius replied, crossing his arms behind his back and surveying Peter like he was a soldier. Grinning Peter stood straighter and gave what he thought must be a salute never having actually seen a muggle soldier give one. But in the light of their victory Sirius let the poor attempt pass, he couldn’t blame Peter for not having an amazing uncle to take him to the wonders of muggle cinema. 

“Sir yes sir,” Peter called out and James giggled.

“Ok, but remember Peter, we all have to pretend we’ve given up on Remus’ secret. If he’s too alert we will never be able to tail him.”

“That's right it’s crucial he doesn’t find out what we’re planning. Can you handle that young one?”

“Sir yes sir,” Peter called again.

“Ok but seriously he can’t find out. If you want to further redeem yourself for being a bloody git so far this year then this is how.” 

Peter looked like he wanted to protest but wisely shut his mouth. They came up with a curriculum for Peter who looked less and less pleased about being in on their operation, but what was the point if they didn’t make it just a bit fun. Besides neither James nor he had forgotten his comment about them being bad mates, so they’d make Peter suffer just a little bit for it. He had to learn some manners after all.

……………

“Help me Remus help meeeeeee!” 

Came a little boy's scream and Remus ran towards the voice not at all finding it odd that he, who moments before was in his bed, was now in a meadow. At first, it had looked very pretty with the sun high in the sky and bright colored flowers reaching up towards the sky in a competition to see who could get there first. But then came the scream and as Remus ran the flowers wilted and the grass died, turning a sickly yellow. 

Up ahead the sky became a dangerous mix of gray, yellow, and green like right before a tornado would hit and Remus ran with all his might trying to race the storm as a fierce wind blasted into him making it almost impossible for him to get further. Storm clouds dark grey and even scary black turned overhead faster and faster and yet again Remus heard the same pleading voice screaming for him to help.

.......

“Hey wake up dufus.” 

“Patricia wait don’t…..,” 

Suddenly a hand was touching Remus and he screamed, lashing out wildly in a full-blown panic. As he dangled on the disorienting and painful crevice between awake and asleep he somehow knew he had yet again failed the boy screaming. However, he wasn't sure how he had failed or who it was. Instead, his flailing hand surprisingly made contact with someone, no just his inner demons he assumed he’d been swinging at. Instead, his fingers made contact with flesh, the flesh of someone who had been bending over him.

“OW! Geez, you brat.” 

He realized it was Patricia’s voice and that he was entangled in sweaty sheets covered in a cold uncomfortable sweat himself but very much safe in his bed at Hogwarts. Panting and gasping for enough air that didn’t seem to want to come to him, he heard the soft thump of footsteps and suddenly the lantern turned on the small flame shining. 

Giving them all just enough light that his friends could see his too-pale face and too wide eyes that struggled to focus on reality and not the shadows who seemed to wrap around him in an even tighter tangle than his sheet. They could all see the shameful demeanor of their friend who they all uncomfortably pretended didn’t battle nightmares in the dark every night. 

Perhaps Elvis had helped a bit with that but perhaps not because lately, they seemed to be getting worse, mocking him demanding something of him, though what evaded him entirely. He blinked trying to sum up the energy to look like anything besides a damn mess feeling heat rise to his cheeks and his eyes dance between concerned faces before settling firmly on his sheets.

Patricia went from looking mad, a hand pressed to her bruised cheek, to looking surprised.

“We tried to warn you….,” James said curtly, offering Remus a cup of water that he always seemed to have at hand whenever Remus’ nightmares broke the barrier of horror to unbridled terror and resulted in him screaming loudly enough to wake James, who seemed the second lightest sleeper out of them. Remus gratefully took the cup appreciating once more the lack of comments and questions James always granted him along with the water, and he drained the water quickly feeling light-headed.

“Geez Patricia, take a hint,” Sirius muttered giving her an angry look before turning to Remus with concern. Remus couldn’t meet the eyes filled with concern because in the past if his nightmares got bad enough to wake Sirius who liked to pretend he wasn’t a borderline heavy sleeper, then his friend wanted him to talk about it and if there was one thing Remus knew for certain when waking from such uncertainty, was that he did not want to talk about it. 

Only with Patricia currently being an unlikely spectator, he doubted his friend would say a thing. Then, as always, upon waking from a nightmare, soft snoring indicated to Remus that Peter was still asleep with the rather fortunate condition to sleep through everything, which almost bordered on concerning. Remus’ thoughts were racing trying to process that the scene before him was real and actually happening and not just another creative measure in which his mind contented itself in torturing himself, He rubbed his eyes wishing this was just another nightmare because reality meant the hot shame at yet another person witnessing Remus’ utter humiliation.

“Why? What time is it?” He asked sleepily, trying to disguise the guilt and panic in a much more normal response of just plain tiredness because that was so much easier to feel than the rest on the confusing jumble that was always right on the surface upon Remus’ waking.

“Two in the morning but I didn’t think you kiddies would care,” Patricia answered sounding less sure of herself than she usually did, still looking taken aback by what just happened.

“You should wait outside Patricia,” James suggested cooly and began shoving her out with a defensiveness towards his friends that James often demonstrated, and which Remus truly appreciated even if he could never quite seem to not be surprised when that loyalty was directed towards him. Indeed Remus was surprised that James seemed so upset with her, after all, he had adored her all of last year,

“It’s not at all bloody fair the girls can barge into our rooms whenever they want when we can’t get into theirs. All of a sudden she was shaking me awake and I thought someone had died,” Sirius explained, sounding as irritated at her as James.

“Yeah don’t feel bad mate I nearly attacked her too.” They both assured Remus who was very fearful that his nails had scratched Patricia’s cheek. 

Then the scar would never heal and Patricia would no doubt find out and hate him for it. They were looking at him with hesitant smiles as if it was a completely normal occurrence to wake up screaming and clawing at one’s friend because they touched your shoulder. Well, he supposed for him it was at least. Luckily James and Sirius’ fast reflexes had kept them from getting hurt until they learned what not to do on the rare occasions when they actually had to wake up Remus.

“Sorry we tried to warn her but we were slow in actually waking up,” James explained sounding unnecessarily guilty as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes because of course it shouldn’t be either of their jobs to monitor Remus’ nightmares nor did he want them to. He’d rather they remain oblivious to the painstaking reminder of his dirty secret he had yet to tell them. But of course, that wasn’t possible nor was it impossible to ignore the fact that he had actually hurt someone as a result of his appalling lack of control over himself this time.

“Did I hurt her badly?” He asked in a choked voice, unable to sound anything but fearful. But he pushed aside the fear and last remnants of the nightmare, whose details, he was already forgetting and got to his feet swaying. James hesitated but Sirius didn't, his hand quickly settling on Remus’ shoulder to steady him. 

“Easy. You don’t want to fall out of bed like James did.” Sirius gave a bit of a forceful laugh, worry but also a sort of resignation in his friends' eyes. Seeing the resignation he relaxed realizing none of them were going to ask why he had woken up so terrified. He supposed they learned last year trying to find out what Remus’ nightmares were about was ever only met with stony silence. 

“Who cares if you hurt her badly, it would serve her right,” James muttered, his face growing red with embarrassment. So apparently he actually had fallen out of bed, maybe that was partly why he was so upset.

“Well is she alright? Did someone actually die? Did you find out what is going on?” Remus asked a hint of panic in his voice he hoped they took for worry about why Patricia woke them up, rather than his worry over having possibly scratched her and broke the skin. He berated himself relentlessly about being more careful as he walked away from Sirius and towards the door. As he did his foot nudged something soft and Sirius let him go swooping quickly to save the kitten from getting stepped on.

“Careful!” he hissed before cooing to Elvis in a manner Remus found endearing, though James seemed to find annoying. Sure enough, James rolled his eyes then catching Remus looking at him grinned though his face was still red, and his smile too seemed just a little bit forced.

“Course we asked. The only reason we didn’t hex her for not barging in. Though we still could if you wanted us to.”

“That’s alright James,” Remus laughed with his own too tight tone, forcing a smile because what else was there to do? As he walked towards the door and his brain continued to catch up to his body he realized he knew exactly why Patricia had woken them at this hour. “Should we wake Peter?”

“We tried, tickling him and everything,” James sighed, truly sounding regretful to leave the boy behind.

“He only just fell asleep about an hour ago,” Sirius explained opening the door finding the corridor empty. Patricia must have gone down to the common room to wait unless she was so mad at the welcome she got she decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. Remus hoped it was the later even if that meant she was mad, as he didn’t like how insistent she was about going to the forest and he wasn’t sure why but he strongly doubted her motives.

It didn’t seem likely she was just taking them because they, well two of them, wanted to go. He had the clawing suspicion that whatever it was Patricia was hiding would get him and his friends into trouble, it was only a matter of sooner or later.

“Why was he up so late? He usually goes to bed early,” Remus replied offhandedly once he realized what Sirius had said. In the defense of his delayed response, he was very tired and his mind seemed to be moving slower than usual after finally having stopped moving a mile a minute. Apparently Sirius’ mind was also moving slowly, since James shot him a look that suggested he had somehow let something slip, though Remus wasn’t sure what.

“He’s been sleeping badly...since he got turned down,” James explained through a yawn. “We didn’t want to worry you about it since...well you don’t seem to sleep well or all that much.” Remus nodded too tired to be embarrassed by the comment. Everything was far too fuzzy and hazy in the way that demanded you needed to go back to sleep, so he didn't have the energy to figure out if what James said was the truth or not.

“I think we should talk to him. All three of us. He really wants to tell us something." At least that was what Peter had told Remus, “and we should give him the chance.”

He finished his explanation with a slight nod, which actually had been Remus' head bobbing in threat of him falling asleep right then and there, while standing and all. As he explained his idea both Sirius and James stopped whatever protests they had been about to give, looking at him shocked.

“Really?”

“You ok with that mate?” Remus nodded again though he knew the four of them having a serious conversation may lead to his friends asking questions he wasn’t ever ready to answer truthfully.

“Just….maybe have the conversation only be about Peter?” he offered weakly, getting a sharp displeased look from Sirius who didn’t look tired at all anymore.

“We’ll see,” he replied shortly, and strode up to Patricia who was indeed waiting in the common room.

“YOU better be taking us tonight or I swear….”

“Whoa whoa, there kiddo relax. I wouldn’t come bursting into your dorm at night without good reason.” 

She grinned mischievously and Remus saw several red marks on her cheek making him squirm with guilt, though he couldn’t see any scratches or blood. She must have noticed or at least knew him well enough to know he’d be guilty by now because she gestured him over away from others, much to their grumbling.

“Don’t feel bad it’s my fault. I didn’t think…..” She seemed uneasy, unsure of what to say. “You good Remus?” He nodded giving her a reassuring smile.

“Just stressing about exams,” he lied. Patricia laughed and ruffled his hair. 

“Yeah whatever you say. Alright kiddies, let's head out. I can’t promise we’ll make it there alive though if you don’t listen to my every command.” She cautioned with a seriousness that made Remus very worried. Then just like that, they were heading to the forbidden forest and Remus had no idea what to expect nor how he was going to keep his friends out of trouble.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Death in the Darkness

Chapter Seventeen: Death in the Darkness

It turned out that the way to get into the forbidden forest without being seen required a bit of fancy flying to get around the spell work that would alert a professor about a student entering without permission, at least according to the one who led their way.

Patricia was very proud of the fact she learned of a secret safe way in from her professor, who she happily explained was a pushover, someone easy to wheedle information out of. James found it amusing but soon had to give up hearing what she and Sirius were talking about, as he had to fall behind in order to follow her exactly. Remus clung to him tightly, seemingly not too thrilled about being on his way into the forest. At least Peter would have pretended to be excited, James thought grumpily.

"You don't have to go you know," he shouted to the boy over his shoulder, trying to ignore his worry that Remus, who had looked so terrified and shaky only a short hour ago, would faint or something and make all of them go back. He wanted to be excited about going into the forest, finally, but he was tired and he felt sort of bad that the only way he could help his friend with his nightmares was to offer him water. He supposed it was something, after all, it had helped James after his dad had given him some for his own nightmares after a haunted house had been just a bit too scary for him.

Not that James wasn't brave, he was incredibly brave all the time, of course, he was. He was a Gryffindor after all, but he had only been six at the time, so he supposed that his age had contributed to it. He couldn't imagine and didn't want to think about, what was plaguing his friend's mind to make him have so many nightmares since he considered Remus quite brave himself. But he wouldn't think about that now, he had monsters to slay and adventures to have tonight. He just had to make sure Remus didn't ruin it with his overall swotness.

"And let the lot of you get in trouble, not a chance," Remus mumbled after a long stretch of silence in which James had begun to think his friend hadn't even heard him. James laughed at the very Remus-like answer then had to stop talking altogether, twisting the broom in a tight spiral that even he had to admit was hard to pull off. Patricia was either remarkable on a broom, or she just had the benefit of trial and error so many times of the exact pattern.

James' tired brain drifted and he ended up wondering if Lily was good at flying, but she probably was, she was annoyingly good at everything. Remus really was the best mate someone could ask for. He didn't think if he liked a girl who liked him and Remus told him to back down that he would. Then again maybe Remus didn't like Lily like that. Besides, it was not that James liked her! Even if he might have been dreaming about her smiling at him that didn't mean anything. Surely Remus realized this and that's why he backed down because it was all about saving Remus from making a horrible mistake...it was!

"Keep up Potter you're trailing!" Patricia shouted, her broom jerking slightly, causing Sirius to let out a noise of surprise gripping the older student tighter. James focused and caught up to her easily. Hell, if he wanted to he could surpass them easily, and now that the twirls and twists were seeming to slow down he was pretty sure he didn't even need to follow her anymore. Still, his desire to get into the forbidden forest won over showing off and risking angering Patricia.

He doubted she'd actually send them back though. Oddly enough Remus still seemed to think she needed them, which seemed absurd. Not that James thought he was lying, per se, he just didn't know what he was talking about. After all, Sirius and James had spent the most time with Patricia and she was their master, not Remus'. But then again, even if Patricia was using them James really didn't care as long as he got some wonderful adventures out of it.

Suddenly, Patricia was diving through the trees with a shout of challenge for James to catch up if he could. Swearing since his thoughts had caused him to drift behind her yet again, he flattened himself and sped after her. If it hadn't been for Remus, who to be fair couldn't really flatten himself since he was leaning against James, he easily would have passed Patricia, who was good but not nearly as good as him. He was sure to tell her this but she only scoffed and ruffled his hair.

"Then next time prove it. So what do you guys think?" James looked around expecting spooky trees or salivating monsters eager to eat them and was immediately disappointed, it didn't look much different than the woods he had nearby his house.

"This seems like a rip off Patricia," Sirius declared, also looking put off. Surprisingly even Remus seemed….disappointed? Or maybe he was still upset they had actually come, it was hard to tell. James wasn't as good at reading him as Sirius was.

"Oh, quit whining you Ninnys. This is just where the care of magical creatures class is held on the edge of the forest. We have to go in further before we actually enter the 'real' forbidden forest." She waggled her eyebrows at them and grinned. "Before we do I want you to recite the three rules."

James groaned but Patricia shot him a look so he joined in with the monotone drone Sirius and Remus were speaking in, having had these five rules hammered into them consistently in the last half hour.

"No running off. Stick together at all times. No poking any creatures and no taking anything with you. And stay on the path. Most importantly no spell work unless it's urgent."

She nodded satisfied as they finished together, Sirius dramatically failing to suppress an exaggerated yawn.

"Good. Maybe 'you lot' aren't completely hopeless yet. Now wands up and practice the spell I taught you."

They did so with a flick and little green lights shot a good distance into the air, though not even close to as high as the tops of the trees. Then they repeated it with a slightly different hand motion and this time red light shot from their wands.

"You didn't tell us what the Green was for Patricia," Remus pointed out, once they had all practiced a bit.

"That's if you find something really cool like a unicorn's rainbow poop or something," she replied sarcastically. At least James didn't think unicorns had rainbow-colored shit. Or did they? With that, they began to walk deeper and deeper into the forest.

"Patricia, can't you just tell us now. We can't help you unless you explain what you're looking for."

Patricia turned around to face Remus who had spoken up and still sounded tired. James was about to tell Remus he was being mental again, but Patricia suddenly laughed.

"You clever little bugger! I should have known you would put the pieces together, you little chess champ."

James gaped, hardly able to believe it. Patricia really brought them out here to look for something? Probably something dumb. Well if she thought James was going to help her she had another think coming, at least not his first time out here.

"So what is it? Did you lose something?"

"What? No. No that's lame. Look it's much cooler but we'll worry about that next time. For now, just explore. James, you and Remus stay together and don't go too far and Sirius you're with me."

Sirius glanced at Remus and James looking outraged.

"How come I'm with you?"

"Because you're most likely to wander off you twat."

Then she was dragging Sirius away, whose protests were much less angry after Patricia jokingly teased she'd yank him by his ear if he didn't quit it. Then James could just barely hear them, barely making out Patricia telling Sirius he wanted to stick with her because she knew where all the monsters were. Feeling a bit cheated now himself, James tried to focus on the upside and walked further and further into the increasingly dense woods, with Remus tensely trailing behind him.

Trees grew thicker, and all around them, it grew darker and more like what he had expected the forest to be like. Until the forest got so dark that James was forced to use Lumos so as not to run into a tree….again.

"How come you aren't struggling in the dark?" he muttered after they trudged along for a while vines snapping at their feet, very irritated he hadn't seen a single monster yet!

"James, put that out now," Remus motioned for him to lower his wand looking very tense. Geez, he was acting like Peter, maybe he wasn't so brave after all.

"Why?" he demanded, purposely raising it higher.

"Because, Patricia, told us to only use magic as a necessity."

James laughed and gave Remus an incredulous look. How was Remus able to see in the dark anyway? If he had purposely used some spell ahead of time and wasn't telling James he'd be really cross.

"Not all of us have glowing eyes like you," he pointed out bitterly since clearly Remus had done something prior to coming here. Which was just like him thinking ahead, but he still should have shared what he did!

He expected Remus to embarrassingly admit that he had indeed used a potion or spell or something in preparation, or just cuz it was cool as hell. But Remus let out a yelp and covered his eyes as if they suddenly hurt. His friend's wand fell onto the floor, and James was at his side in an instant, very worried about him.

"What's wrong Remus? Should I call Patricia back? Did the spell go wrong or something?"

Suddenly Remus was dropping his hands to his sides looking embarrassed.

"Yeah,…..yeah sorry it's making my eyes burn a bit…,"

James patted his back just glad that he was ok.

"No worries mate. Just show me what you did later yeah? It will be handy for next time."

Remus nodded, mumbling some promise to do so, somehow sounding more stressed than earlier, but James was already continuing forward. He thought he heard Remus saying something but he just kept walking faster and faster his friend forgot entirely in a sudden burst of excitement. He had seen something! Something pretty big moving in the trees! He was so excited to see some sort of exotic monster that he didn't even realize Remus was no longer behind him.

Suddenly something grabbed him and he whipped around with a small, only a very small, shout of surprise. But it was just Remus looking irritated, leaves sticking out of his hair in odd angles.

"James I told you to wait! I dropped my wand and had to find it. If we get separated…"

"Yeah, yeah you nag. But listen, I saw something," he cut Remus off impatiently and swung around pointing his light back to a clump of trees. Only there wasn't anything big there now.

"Huh? Must have gotten away while you were distracting me," he huffed, stomping forward angrily. If he didn't see a single monster and Sirius saw tons he was going to be ticked.

"Sorry."

"Whatever just come on! This trip can't be a total waste. I'm missing precious sleep."

"Since when did you care about staying awake in classes?" Remus asked with mock shock. James snorted in amusement.

"I don't. But I don't reckon it would look good if I fell asleep on my broom during Quidditch practice."

"Oh! Your first practice is tomorrow? Can I come?" James was both surprised and very pleased that Remus wanted to come. He told him he only needed to worry about games, but Remus still seemed to want to come. So James talked to Remus about the Quidditch schedule and how excited he was, and maybe just a tiny bit nervous.

It was actually really nice to talk to someone about it since Sirius wouldn't let him. James and Sirius had an unspoken rule so as not to actually start fighting about it again, and Peter seemed to be too nervous that Sirius would be mad at him if he found out Peter was letting James talk to him. James should have realized Remus wouldn't care, he seemed to be the only one who wasn't scared when Sirius got into one of his moods. It was sort of remarkable.

"James."

He stopped and turned around finding Remus looking very pale, his golden eyes still glowing faintly.

"What is it? Your eyes hurt again?"

"No. Something is following us," Remus said, his eyes narrowing and he shot a glare just past James' right shoulder. He found himself suppressing a shudder. Remus had an intensity about him which led James to trust that his friend wasn't mistaken about them being followed.

"Well, there's a lot of creatures and….,"

"Since we left Patricia," Remus cut him off and raised his wand, but James grabbed his arm, eyes pleading.

"Please don't Remus! We haven't seen anything cool yet. Wait since we left Patricia? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because…..well because I wasn't sure…..but now I am," he replied defensively still trying to raise his arm. James had to use two hands to try to stop him. Dang it he was strong!

"Look, look wait please."

"James this isn't a game. We could be in serious trouble," Remus whispered, his eyes very serious, still filled with that intensity. Remus would make a good Auror James realized, but he wanted to be a good one too, which meant being brave!

"Let's deal with it ourselves. On the count of three let's run and scare it."

"James no….."

"Three!"

He skipped a few numbers and took off charging with a shout sending off several stupefies. Problem was, his plan would have worked out just fine if the ground didn't suddenly dip. Having used his wand for something other than 'Lumos', James realized a little too late he couldn't actually see anything now. He wasn't familiar with the layout of the woods and he let a real shout out as he tumbled down the steep incline.

Rolling faster and faster he tucked himself in. 'Always protect your extremities if you're in a disaster you can't get out of,' his mother always told him. She'd be livid with him if she knew what he was doing right now though. Still, her instruction was very helpful, and as brushes scraped him up and he tumbled over rocks, he didn't get as terribly banged up as he would have.

By the time he landed he felt very sore and out of breath, but curling up had seemed to prevent any breaks or even sprains. James experimentally flexed his limbs and assessed himself with the skill of someone who had gotten banged up multiple times falling off a broom. This isn't too bad.

But as he got to his feet and realized his wand was gone, the odd valley he was in suddenly seemed scary. He shivered as fog rolled around him, seemingly appearing because of his very presence, and he squinted in an attempt to see anything past his hand. It sure would be nice right about now to have on him whatever spell Remus had.

He tripped on several roots, his hands scraping against a gnarled tree. He thought he heard giggling and stopped abruptly, the hair on the back of his neck standing up as he quickly shoved his bloody palms into his pockets. He was a moron. He should have kept sitting there,….now that he was bleeding,...well now he had to keep moving before something was attracted by the smell of his blood.

He wasn't sure if there were any creatures like that in this forest and he suddenly wished he had been paying better attention when Patricia rattled them off.

"R…... Remus….," he whispered into the thick darkness that seemed to cling to him like an oppressive cloak, making it hard to breathe.

He shivered as he trudged very slowly and carefully, feeling rather than seeing the mist curl around him. It wasn't long before the condensation made him wet, and he stifled a sneeze. The ground wasn't sliding up yet which meant he wasn't going in the direction he wanted. He turned himself slightly and kept walking, ignoring the small voice telling him even if he climbed up he could be on the wrong side, and who knew how long this gully was.

He kept going and kept ignoring the small voice telling him over and over that he was alone. So very alone. He had never felt so miserable and alone before in his life!

"Hehehehehe. A live one hm~."

He froze exactly as he was, his foot slightly raised, his bloody palms pressed tightly against his legs. He swallowed trying to calm down. If it was talking it probably wasn't that dangerous. Unless it was a werewolf or a siren or….

He stopped the list forming. No, no, he had to stay calm. His mother would be calm. Sirius would…..no he wouldn't be calm, but Remus would be. Yeah! Remus was smart and had probably sent up sparks by now.

James tilted his head up expecting to see a red light to guide him home. He didn't even care if Patricia chewed him out, or if Sirius did, or if Remus did! He just didn't want to be alone down here, especially not without his wand!

Instead, when he looked up he was staring, practically nose to nose, at a ghostly face, one eye dangling from the socket, a wide grin splitting white as death features.

"Boo."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

He fell hard on his back, his scream piercing the quiet hollow. Dark eyes stared at him out of that gaunt white face, the one eye now properly back in its socket. Bloody ghosts!

"Haha, scared you I did, you ninny. What are you doing here?"

James scrambled to his feet, heart pounding, feeling a bit foolish. Well, anyone would have screamed if they had looked up to see that sunken face hovering over them!

"What do you care? Leave me alone!" he grumbled as he dusted himself off, and used the slight light the ghost was giving off in an attempt to try to gain his bearings. His heart was still racing uncontrollably.

"That's not very nice. I was going to help but now forget it~"

She started floating away and James called after her pleadingly. She turned around and he froze, there was a giant gap in her chest big enough he could see through it!

"How…..how did you die?"

She glared at him then laughed. He realized she looked like she wasn't that much older than him.

"Are you a stupid mudblood? That's a very rude question to ask a ghost, boy!"

He swallowed down pointing out to her how offensive that term was. She might be his only way out of here. He glanced up again but the hollow he was in wasn't the clearing he had originally thought, and gnarled dark branches seemed to stack on top of one another blocking him from seeing sparks, if Remus was using them.

This time he did sneeze, unable to shake the chill seeping into him from his damp clothes, and he looked at the young ghost mumbling an apology. Bloody hell he was tired and every passing minute he seemed to feel sorer and sorer.

"Can you…..help me get back to the castle, miss…."

But she didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes had gone wide, a black emptiness in them that made him uneasy, and her mouth dropped a rattly disturbing sound coming from her.

"Uh…..uh miss?..."

"Death! Fated with death!" she exclaimed in a whisper scream that made him want to plug his ears and curl in on himself.

"Death? What...what do you mean death?..."

Suddenly it was like he could see it!

His eyes seemed to cloud over as something milky covered them filling his vision with white. He sunk to his knees, shivering badly suddenly feeling soaked to the bones and very heavy.

Then the cold white nothingness was replaced by a green light, a bright blazing green light that seemed to consume him. Green, everywhere was green! All he could feel was a sense of fear, but not for himself. No, that wasn't what was most important. He had failed somehow….but how…..how? A sense of betrayal cut into him so deep it was like a visible gash down his chest, only time was so slow and it was just...so, so green.

"James! James!"

He kept coughing once he was finally released from what seemed to be his death over and over, tears streaming down his cheeks. He gagged and threw up on the cold damp ground sobbing. Had he been young or old? Was his death honorable? It hardly seemed to matter right now, he just felt so cold, and he kept crying, not even hearing the sound of rustling.

"James…..James!"

He forced himself to stand taking a few steps before he collapsed. He knew that voice. Tears kept rolling down his cheeks, they just wouldn't stop!

"Remus…." he croaked out, his voice breaking as more tears rolled down his cheeks. How long had he been down here? How long had he been watching…no, experiencing his death? Only it didn't physically hurt ...but it was so scary! What had that been?

"James where are you? Ouch. James. No, I said I don't need your help. GO AWAY!"

James struggled to his feet again. Was Remus talking to someone? No, that was ridiculous, he must be pretty out of it. This time James didn't fall again, if only barely. He felt so weak and dizzy. Where was that ghost? It must have been her fault. He wasn't sure how, but it seemed the most likely cause.

"R…..Remus!" he cried out a bit louder, not caring if he currently sounded like a scared little child. That was what he was dammit!

Patricia was mental for bringing them here.

What had that been?

Surely not his own death?

Maybe some sort of terrible joke, except this wasn't funny at all. He was still aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks, but he didn't care enough to brush them away.

"See I told you. Now go before you get me in trouble."

Who was Remus talking to?

Death….a green green death.

He had been trying desperately to protect someone. But who and why? His friends?

It seemed more urgent somehow, though he couldn't imagine who would be more important to protect than his friends…

He shuddered and staggered forward, falling again, the ground rushing toward him. Or he was rushing toward the ground? Everything seemed so fuzzy.

Remus somehow managed to catch up to him and caught him. They both sagged slightly in relief. James clung to his friend's warm body still feeling bitterly cold and sobbed into his shoulder. Remus stiffened and asked him something he didn't hear.

"James...James...I asked if you're hurt?"

"Huh?...no…..not…..much…"

"What happened? James, you're freezing. What happened?!"

Remus sounded as scared as he felt. Only now that he was safe, well at least safer, he was feeling more exhausted than anything. He wanted to forget what he saw, he wanted to forget it more than he had wanted to forget anything in his entire life. More than he wanted to forget that Lily liked Remus, or that one time his parents had both been so mad at him.

"Hang on James. Patricia and Sirius should find us soon. Here," James felt something warm wrap around him but he just couldn't stay awake no matter how many times Remus kept telling him to.

It wasn't fair!

What wasn't?

How could he have betrayed them!

Who? Who was he? Who was them?

James succumbed to uneasy dreams, but no matter how hard he tried to make sense of what he had experienced it kept evading him.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Sleepy Conversations

Chapter Eighteen: Sleepy Conversations

Remus grasped James against him tightly, still feeling on edge. He sent up even more sparks, James shuddering against him. What had happened? He didn't think James was physically hurt, not badly enough to cause what his reaction had been. Maybe he had just been scared to be separated? But it hadn't even been that long and Remus didn't think that was right either.

"James."

He gave him a little shake but the boy refused to wake up. Sighing he struggled to lift James up knowing it was best they didn't stay down here. He didn't think anything dangerous was down here but he wasn't about to risk it, not based on James' reaction.

It took a lot of jostling but Remus finally managed to get James up onto his back so he could walk and carry him at the same time. It was slow going though. James was so cold! 

Remus had given him his robe but it wasn't seeming to warm him up at all. It seemed unnatural, it wasn't even that cold out, and it made Remus even more on edge than he had been since entering the blasted forest.

"Let me help."

Remus, startled by the voice in his head, fell, gripping James tightly so he didn't drop him and cause the boy to roll back down into the gulley.

He could feel himself slipping down the steep incline and let out a shout of frustration. He hadn't even wanted to leave his bed. He knew this had been a bad idea! Bloody Patricia. He had been mad at James for rushing off too, but upon finding him so scared and sad he couldn't find it in himself to be mad at him anymore.

"You can't help. You'll get me in trouble," he replied, once more struggling not to speak out loud but just to think the words. It was odd and quite difficult to do especially when he was working so hard on not falling.

Crawling upwards in the dirt he felt rather feral himself, made worse by the fact he was talking to the stubborn and annoying wolf who wouldn't leave him alone. A wolf that he suspected no one else could hear.

"Human brother you're being stubborn. Let me help. Must help as you helped Silverstream."

Remus wished Silverstream was the wolf that was here as he was pretty sure she would have listened to him. This wolf seemed younger somehow, though he couldn't explain how he knew that, or how he knew the young wolf's name was Shadowskipper -because of reckless bravery and unfortunate lack of coordination he had as just a pup, dubbed Skipper for short.

He was pretty sure if his friends weren't freaked out by werewolves and anything to do with them they'd like the wolf, he certainly was stubborn enough for them to like him.

"Course I am being stubborn. I won't have answers if they catch me talking to you," he muttered, not even trying to just think the answer, far too tired to do so right now. Holding James' arms around his neck and gripping a large root with another he kicked his feet trying hard to scramble up further.

Maybe climbing up the other side would be more shallow of an incline? Remus wondered if he should be moving James, but it was too late to worry if that made any injuries worse now. He hadn't realized how steep the dip was when he was skidding down it, but the more he thought about it the more he realized James must be pretty hurt after a tumble like that after all.

"Ahh!"

His hand that had been holding tightly onto the root slipped and he reached out for something to grab in useless desperation. Frustration and fear-filled Remus, since he knew he would fall now, and if James was somehow not badly hurt before he would be now. But he didn't fall, his hand gripped something soft tightly and the accompanying howl of pain nearly led to him letting go of Skipper.

"Hold tight human brother."

Remus didn't argue and felt the young wolf slowly back up until Remus was no longer leaning precariously out over the steep drop.

"Thank you, Skipper," he sighed, allowing the wolf to continue helping him up the incline.

He felt a bit bad now for how harsh he had been. But Skipper had been, from what Remus had later gathered, what had been following them. Only of course he hadn't realized it was merely a curious wolf following them and had therefore been terrified, nearly cursing Skipper when he had shown up talking into his mind.

Suddenly the ground evened out and he bit back a shout of relief, finally. Remus collapsed onto flat ground, letting go of James and laying him down. Trying to remember how Madam Pomfrey so often checked him out he copied her method best he could, James still fast asleep.

"He seems to be alright but he's still so cold," he whispered more to himself. However, before he could stop him, Skipper curled up next to James resting his head on his chest. Pleased golden eyes looked inquiringly at Remus who sighed not having the heart to tell the young wolf he may once more be causing more trouble than help.

"Thank you," he said again, hesitating before sitting beside the wolf himself, his hand petting Skipper idly.

"I'm not a domestic mutt," the wolf huffed at him. But Remus couldn't help but grin as Skipper didn't move away from his hand, or even seem all that bothered really. Taking a few deep breaths Remus forced himself back onto his feet walking forward a bit then shooting off sparks.

"You have to go before they come."

"Why?"

Remus felt a stab of sadness as he looked back at the wolf's head tilted slightly in confusion, still pressed against James to give him warmth.

"Because…...because…," Remus tried to come up with an answer nicer than the truth. "Because they will want to stay if they see you and I'm very tired," he concluded, realizing it wasn't even technically a lie. Patricia at the very least would stay and Sirius would probably stay if only to attack the wolf.

"You're a kind human brother. My parents have explained the cruel ways of two legs to us and our ancestors." Skipper sounded amused or at least pleased he had cared enough to lie, but Remus winced and turned away from the wolf's gaze feeling bad.

He raised his wand sending up more sparks and waited, trying to ignore the thoughts of running and chasing Skipper kept filling his mind with, the young wolf didn't like staying still at all.

Finally, Remus saw sparks appear very nearby in response. He turned back to tell Skipper he needed to go now, only to realize the wolf was gone. Feeling a stab of regret and loneliness Remus went back to James who had finally seemed to warm up and sat beside him waiting.

"James! Remus!" Sirius cried out, sounding worried.

"Oi, you git, don't shout. Do you want to draw monsters to us?" Patricia's irritated voice followed, they would be there any minute which was a great relief.

Remus moved to stand up hoping to wave them down, but James grabbed his wrist making him jump. When had he woken up?

"James! Are you ok?"

"Better now…...still sleepy….."

"What happened?" Remus asked relaxing as he saw, from far off, the faint glow of wand light.

Then he realized his blasted eyes would still be glowing and illuminated his own wand to prevent that. He needed to talk to Madam Pomfrey about what was going on with him.

"Saw….saw something….I don't know mate it was weird. Like…...like my death or something…."

Remus gaped at James whose eyes were still squeezed shut as if he was afraid of what he might see if he opened them.

"Your own death?" He asked quietly now able to hear Patricia's and James' footsteps.

"Yeah…... I think….but….but I just fell ok…..?" Remus nodded in understanding and clasped James' hand helping him up just as Patricia and Sirius appeared, both of them with worry sketched on their faces.

"Hey," James said weakly, giving a small smile. Sirius swiveled his head from side to side, then seeing no monsters ran to them.

"What happened to you guys? You're both filthy."

"James fell," Remus explained calmly and Patricia rolled her eyes but seemed to buy it.

James let out a weak laugh and leaned hard against Remus nearly passing out. Remus frowned in worry but avoided Sirius' demanding and curious gaze.

"Well, I guess that's it for the first trip hm?" Patricia suggested now sounding annoyed, since she realized no one was hurt, well not badly anyways.

"Geez, what happened?" Sirius asked again as Patricia made them all start trudging back.

"Later," James whispered and Sirius nodded, shooting a furtive glance at Patricia. But she didn't seem to care for more of an explanation than, James fell. She had summoned back James' wand and walked ahead of them without another word.

Remus sighed heavily and let Sirius help James, increasing his own speed until he walked up next to her.

"Patricia? I'm sorry."

"Eh? Don't worry about it, Remus. Do you really think I expected things to go smoothly with those two doofuses back there?"

"Then why bring us at all?"

"Because of what I want to find. It's...it's important and I knew you'd help me and that you'd all appreciate the adventure."

Remus didn't ask what it was again he knew she'd tell them eventually. She still sounded upset though and he wasn't sure why.

"Did you and Sirius have better luck?"

"Saw a centaur from far off and I had to hold Sirius from bolting to it."

Remus let out a small laughable to picture that scene quite vividly.

"Wish I had thought of that with James."

"Well, it served him right. Besides no one's hurt so that's what matters."

"Then why are you so upset?" he asked and she turned a surprised look at him.

"You're really perceptive, you know that? Like annoyingly so."

He bit back an apology knowing that would annoy her more and just gave a slight shrug. She regarded him for a bit glancing back to Sirius and James who were behind enough to be out of earshot.

"This doesn't have to do with the forest."

"You were upset even when you woke us up. You wanted a distraction tonight!" he finally realized, not being able to remember much more than his own fear upon being woken up in such a manner. She let out a laugh but this time he realized there was indeed a sad note to it.

"Yeah, but I'm not telling you about what you nosey twat so don't even bother to ask."

"But are you alright? Did anyone ...you know get hurt?" he asked anxiously and her gaze seemed to soften slightly before she pushed his head down ruffling his hair, very hard.

"Don't look at me like that kid. You don't need to worry about the outside world here so do me a favor and don't."

Before he could point out that he worried about his dad every day she was walking off again, leaving Remus with a sense that someone she cared about in the outside world must have gotten hurt.

"Strikeout with Patricia mate?" James teased sounding almost back to normal, even if Sirius had to help him walk due to how sore and weak he currently was.

"Just trying to make sure she'll bring us back here," he replied sarcastically, forcing a grin. Sirius scoffed and mumbled it was more like he was trying to bribe her never to take them back. But James didn't seem at all worried Remus might have been hindering their chance at coming back. In fact, he hadn't said a single word about coming back to the forest yet.

"You feeling better James?" he asked, still concerned about what had happened to his friend to make him cry like that.

He shuddered trying not to come up with the many possibilities, each seeming to grow worse and worse, ending with the very unlikely possibility Fenrir Greyback had been in the forbidden forest and tried to capture James. He really was very tired, he shook himself mentally and tried to concentrate on his friend who was babbling on and on about how fine he was and how much fun he had.

Sirius shot Remus a questioning look, frowning and he subtly shrugged, truly not having any more information he could add. They'd have to wait for James to tell them more himself.

Luckily getting back to the castle didn't require more flying because; one, Remus still could not altogether enjoy the sensation and two, he wasn't sure James physically could. Unfortunately, this meant they had to walk the whole way back. So it took a little longer until Remus could sit James down in the plushy chair in the common room, while Sirius lit a fire.

"You dweebs staying up?"

"Yes Patricia, but it's a top-secret boys on floor seven meeting."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, leaning on the wall just before the steps leading up into the female dorms.

"That's a lame-ass name and there are more boys on your floor than you three….well four," she added in Peter as an afterthought. Sirius blushed and muttered they were working on a name.

"Well, you better. Since that's what other generations will know you losers as. Plus it's cool as hell. Night brats." She waved at them with a big smile and Remus wondered if she was being more abrasive than usual because she was upset about how the trip to the forest turned out, or because of whatever was upsetting her. He sighed as she left, flinching as Sirius elbowed him.

"You aren't pining after Patricia now are you?"

He sounded amused but Remus thought he detected a hint of irritation in his tone. Well, he was sure Sirius would be irritated if another one of his friends ended up having a crush. Peter did and James did though he denied it. Remus highly doubted Sirius wanted to be the only one out of them that didn't. In fact, Remus suspected the boy would force himself into a crush just to not be left out, which Sirius hated in any way shape or form... unless it was studying.

"Hey, why are you laughing at me, Remus?" Sirius asked and Remus abruptly stopped not even realizing he had been laughing. Well, it was sort of amusing to imagine but Sirius didn't need to worry. Remus knew better than to ever even so much develop a crush on someone. It was useless after all.

"I'm laughing at that outrageous accusation," he shot back.

"It's not outrageous! You were staring at her."

"If you had a crush on every girl you stared at then you'd have so many you couldn't count them all," he retorted cheekily.

Sirius looked surprised then grinned.

"At least we know James would only have one," he retorted, shifting the focus to James who announced loudly, face dark red, he most absolutely did not have a crush on stinky Lily Evans and the two of them were tossers for even suggesting it.

Remus 'innocently' pointed out they had never mentioned Lily Evans. Sirius barked out a laugh and responded to James' scowl by sitting on James' lap and assuring him that he could stare at him all he wanted to get over his little broken heart.

"Get off me!" James huffed pushing Sirius onto the floor who looked affronted for a moment then grinned.

"Lap reserved for Lily Evans is it?" Sirius teased, poor James, relentlessly.

"Get off it you tosser! Besides Remus is the one with feelings for her."

Remus started, having been in a sort of content daze listening to them from his comfy and blissfully not crowded chair.

"Nuhu," he replied in a very sophisticated manner. Couldn't James tell them what happened so they could get some sleep already?

"Oh come off it! You do too," James muttered, sounding more insistent now. Sirius pushed his increasingly long hair out of his eyes, glancing between the two of them with a frown.

"Now don't you two fight. Even if Remus did James he agreed not to date her for you."

"Not for me! For his own good!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Now quit dodging and tell us what happened."

"You were the one who brought it up," James shouted indignantly.

But both Sirius and Remus were looking at him expectantly. So James sighed then launched into the story with the dramatic flair of someone who had been dying to tell them what happened, probably the whole way back.

"Whoa!"

"James that's dreadful. Are you alright?" Remus asked, absolutely stunned. He was already trying to rack his brain for what on earth could have happened.

"Course I am. I'm just that brave!" James replied proudly puffing out his chest. Beaming, like Sirius, who still wide-eyed, admitted in all seriousness, James really was very brave. Remus of course would never admit how scared James had been which his friend knew, so James bragged about it for a good long while.

Remus listened to Sirius and James start trying to decipher who had killed James. Then about how to avoid it, which James admitted, after a few minutes, that he didn't want to do, as he didn't much want to think about it ever again.

"But James you…."

"That's enough Sirius. It's a great story of my courage as an exemplary Gryffindor, but for all we know what I saw will never actually happen and everyone sees the exact same thing," James announced proudly and firmly. Sirius backed off and Remus realized that he probably shouldn't tell James his theory on what had happened.

"Besides even if that's the case if I go down as an ancient wizard in a blaze of glory known as the best Auror ever then I'd be fine with that!" James laughed, unconsciously twitching his hand as if he had been about to hold up an invisible sword. Remus smiled slightly leaning his head against his arms and stifling a yawn. No, he wouldn't tell James that the ghosts of seers could show people their deaths, there was no need to frighten him further.

"Come on we best get to bed. Remus is already asleep."

"Yeah, it's probably six in the morning now. Odd to see him so tired though, last year he was the only one who could stay up."

"Speak for yourself James I stayed up too!"

"Yeah ok, Sirius."

"Quit joking around James you know I stayed up the most."

"I'm being serious!"

"No, I'm Sirius."

"Haven't heard that one before," James replied sarcastically.

"Hah! But no really. He hasn't been sleeping well. My bed's right next to his and sometimes his crying wakes me up."

Remus wanted to point out to them he wasn't asleep, his eyes were just closed. He wanted to get them to stop talking about him and especially sounding so worried while doing so. James just talked about his own death and they had laughed it off! If anything they should be fretting about that, not him. But he was too sleepy too and couldn't seem to find the energy to do so.

"Still? I was hoping it would get better."

"No, I bet he has nightmares every night."

"That's awful. At least he's not keeping us up though."

"Geez James, don't you care? How would you like it if you had nightmares every night?"

Stop. Remus thought weakly, their voices sounding further and further away.

"Well, I'd actually let you help me if I did instead of being so stupidly stubborn about it!"

"Yeah….." Remus was quite sure they continued to talk about him but in the short silence that followed, he couldn't stop drifting off into sleep.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: The Importance of a Handshake

Chapter Nineteen: The Importance of a Handshake

Peter was losing his mind. It was bad enough the three of them hadn't woken him up to go to the Forbidden Forest, they kept forgetting about him. He was trying so hard to get Sirius and James to be interested in him the way they were with Remus. He told them he had a secret! But just as he thought they'd be paying him some attention, finally, James had taken him aside after a particularly grueling Transfiguration class and told him under no uncertain terms was he to mention his secret.

"But why!" he protested loudly. James hushed him and yanked him away from the classroom quickly, Sirius leaving with Remus.

"Because Remus suggested we all talk to you about it but Sirius won't be able not to ask questions if that happens and then Remus will avoid us and we can't tail him. So you need to wait until after we get to tail him this month. Got it?"

Peter sighed and resisted the urge to point out that it had been James who had made things worse between them and Remus this time. Besides, the three of them had gone to the forest together so clearly, Remus wasn't that upset at them.

"Alright. But then you'll all listen to me? It's not easy to talk about and I want everyone there so I only have to say it once."

James gave him a look like he didn't believe anything Peter had to say could be that important. It wasn't fair! They hadn't even apologized for going to the Forbidden Forest without him the other day, though to be fair Peter knew he was a heavy sleeper.

They claimed even tickling his feet didn't wake him but he was beginning to think they didn't even try. Did they even want to be friends with him anymore? He had been careful to take Remus' advice and not mention how he had snogged someone first, though Sirius was adamant it was a peck like James got last year, and therefore didn't count.

Peter didn't see the big deal. It's not like he was going to ever win against them in anything else. Couldn't they at least give him this?

"Fine, but I mean it, Peter. Remus is….things are shaky and he isn't as comfortable around us as we need him to be. You understand right?"

Peter nodded though he personally disagreed. Remus seemed fine to him, sure he had avoided them a lot, well maybe not Peter. But he always eventually came back and when he did everything always seemed back to normal, at least until the next thing sent him running.

"What are you two talking about?" Remus called cheerfully. Course he was cheerful; he had gotten his desk turned into a hog and back nearly as fast as Lily and James.

"He seems fine to me," he chanced, whispering to James. Because it really wasn't fair at all! James patted his back grinning.

"Yeah, but let's keep it that way. You're a good mate Peter."

He beamed under James' praise suddenly feeling much better about the matter, as Sirius and Remus caught up to them.

"Just how best to turn Sirius' socks into snakes," James teased easily and Sirius scowled, playfully slinging his arm around James' shoulders as he often did. He never did that to Peter unless it was in a threatening way, though he supposed Sirius didn't really do that to Remus either.

"You don't want to start a war with me, Potter. Don't forget I'm the best at bewitching rain clouds to follow people all day, making them wet and miserable."

"It's true. I can attest to it."

Sirius winced glancing at Remus as if still expecting him to be mad about how they had teased him last year. But Remus was smiling, that rare and surprisingly wicked smile of his.

"You know I think I've learned it well enough to test it out and get you back for that. I never did that...yet," he added in a mock ominous tone, and James howled with laughter while Sirius momentarily looked stunned then grinned. Peter wished he could come up with witty retorts and funny things to say like that.

Maybe Sirius and James would pay more attention to him then.

"Someone needs to pull a few pranks on anyone but me. I daresay it's time to….." Sirius suddenly stopped and deflated.

"You know I think the Gryffindor girls are long overdue to be receiving a prank," James cut in quickly, trying to save Sirius from worrying about Regulus.

Peter didn't get that either.

If his little brother was old enough to be in Hogwarts at the same time as him and in Slytherin he'd be sure to avoid him at all costs, except maybe not if he was friends with lots of powerful people.

Maybe that's why Sirius was trying so hard? Because having powerful Slytherins to make sure you never got bullied again certainly seemed like an advantage, even if Peter's brother was annoying. Only Regulus didn't seem to be a complete annoyance like Cooper was, at least not with how Sirius had been talking about him lately.

"When will she let me see him?" he questioned angrily, and Peter sidestepped a little. He liked to be the furthest away from Sirius when his eyes got all dark like that. James had called him a coward for it before, but Peter knew that if Sirius' mood got really dark James would back away too. Sirius was from a family of dark wizards after all, and sometimes Peter wondered if he'd ever use dark magic in a rage since he was sure he'd have learned some by now.

"I'm sure she's waiting for you to seek her out Sirius," Remus patiently pointed out, all mischief from his face replaced with gentle concern.

"Problem is I don't think I can see her alone without hexing her," Sirius muttered, still looking all dark, which was typically how he looked when he spoke of anyone from his family, other than his uncle and occasionally Regulus.

"Then I'll go with you," James offered quickly, and Peter marveled at how brave his friend was. They passed some Hufflepuff students in the hall and Peter heard one whisper James' name followed by something about Quidditch as well. His friend was brave and popular, and Peter was so glad to be his friend, even if he could be a real berk sometimes.

"I don't trust you not to hex her either," Sirius sighed, and James agreed that he probably would hex her.

"I just couldn't help myself you know."

"Yes, yes, I know the curse of being a decent bloke."

Peter laughed along with James and Sirius, while Remus looked exasperated. Only Peter must have laughed a little too loud since James gave him a look then grinned an altogether not nice grin. It was the sort of grin that had caused Peter to don the invisibility cloak during his 'training' the other day and trip a Slytherin in the hall, and then tug some first-year girl's braid who had been so scared she ran away crying. Needless to say, that grin made Peter very nervous.

"Why don't you go, Peter?"

He swallowed not wanting to appear a coward, since he was too a Gryffindor, even if James sometimes liked to point out he wasn't really. But he didn't at all want to go see Narcissa Black, she was about as scary as Slytherins came, well they all were that scary,... but still.

"Yeah, Peter you're a Gryffindor who I don't have to worry about hexing her since you don't know any," Sirius teased, in the friendly manner he did with James, only it always sounded a little harsher when it was directed at him.

"Oh, be nice Sirius," James replied sharply, and Peter grinned very happy to have his best friend on his side. Only James glanced at him with mock seriousness and added in a teasing but still unkind tone, "he knows some spells. But I reckon he pisses himself trying to use them."

"Oh, lay off him you two! I'll go with you Sirius, and you don't need to worry about me hexing her."

Peter let out a sigh as the other two turned their attention to Remus. Sometimes he didn't like being the center of their attention after all.

…...

By the time they reached DADA Remus had assured Sirius he really would go. After all, he knew how badly Sirius wanted to speak with Regulus and he had been unfortunate enough to be with Sirius several times he had stalked Regulus to do so. It always ended up with Regulus laughing and running away with his friends, like it was some joke, and Sirius ranting about how immature first-years were.

If Sirius wasn't always so upset about it Remus really would have found it amusing. He was sure that if the roles had been reversed, or if Andromeda even had hunted down Sirius last year, he would have done the same thing.

"I tell you when I get my hands on the little brat….," Sirius muttered as they entered the classroom, and Peter commented on younger siblings which led to the two of them lamenting about the burden of being an older sibling, Sirius being quite dramatic about it. James gave Remus a look and just shrugged, not getting it at all.

Remus could imagine it, only he was sure he would have loved a sibling. He had always wanted one, he supposed that's why he had created his imaginary friend. Only….. he repressed a shudder, he hadn't actually been imaginary, Remus kept forgetting that.

Besides, he remembered the boy before he had understood the severity of his condition which was when he realized he would never get to be an older brother, not a good or safe one anyways.

"Remus come sit by me." Lily caught his sleeve giving him a bright smile.

Remus felt bad, he had stopped avoiding his friends who had seemed to forget he disappeared once a month altogether but had continued unintentionally avoiding Lily. He just wanted to spend as much time with his friends while they were like this as he could before they went back to hounding him.

Before they figured it out….. No! That wouldn't happen! However, he was also more than a little worried Lily at least suspected or had indeed figured it out, and he wasn't about to give her a chance to confront him on the matter.

He tried to ignore her crestfallen face as he pulled away from her with a lie he had already promised to sit with his roommates. She didn't say anything but her silence just increased Remus' guilt.

Normally she'd give some begrudging comment about him and his roommates, or ask again, or at least sigh and make some concerned comment that he better not let them distract him from the lesson. But her smile had fallen and she had just turned away in such a manner that Remus could no longer pretend he wasn't hurting her.

"How about I meet you in the library this afternoon though?" Blast his stupid guilt! She turned back to him, lighting up again.

"Sure! That sounds wonderful doesn't it Sev?"

"Lily quit talking. The Professor is entering," Severus scowled.

Remus slipped away before Lily could ask Severus again to answer since he doubted she would be pleased with the Slytherin's honest answer. That was certainly a nice perk about avoiding Lily, no Severus. Only he knew he felt too bad to do so any longer.

"Setting up a date with Lily?" Sirius asked with a sly grin. Remus sat down, making sure James wasn't listening, the boy relating a story of complicated flying to an awed Peter.

"If you keep being so interested in the matter I'll start to think you have a crush on her," he teased expecting an eye roll, or some witty comment, or at least a laugh. But Remus wondered if he had gone too far somehow, though he couldn't imagine Sirius actually did have a crush on Lily because Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

"Someone is with the Professor," Sirius replied nonchalantly as if Remus had never made a comment.

Realizing he had forgotten about his Professor's promise to use guests to change the students' minds, Remus turned his attention to the front of the class hoping against all hope it was anything but a werewolf.

"More like something," James whispered in a sort of disturbed awe. By this time the whole class was whispering excitedly to each other. Comments like "I bet he doesn't even have a wand" and "this is probably the first job he's had in a while" made Remus feel very bad for the guest.

Unlike with some creatures, there was no disguising a vampire and the one at the front of the room seemed very much aware of this.

"Everyone I'd like you to meet Mr. Leonard who has been kind enough to come in today to talk to us about vampires."

Hands immediately shot into the air following their Professor's short introduction.

"Questions will be saved for after the discussion please."

"Hello everyone I…."

"Professor are you sure this is safe?" A Slytherin student cut in rudely as Mr. Leonard began to speak.

"Yes, all visitors I bring in for a variety of reasons have been approved. Dumbledore thought it was a great idea since I'm not all that learned in the course material myself," Professor Corbyn gave his nervous self deprecating laugh, though Remus personally found him to be a great Professor, at least so far.

"Well, can you at least make sure your visitors shower?" A haughty sounding different Slytherin interjected, and the room burst into laughter. Professor Corbyn looked cross like he might actually shout, but Mr. Leonard held up a hand.

"Don't worry Professor Corbyn if I couldn't handle this then I wouldn't have come."

Mr. Leonard was dressed in nice dress robes, his back hair slicked back, a rather distinguished look to him overall. Remus would have thought him a ministry employee if he hadn't clearly been a vampire. Even if they hadn't been close enough to see the two small fangs poking out, just enough to be visibly, then the ghostly white demeanor would have been a telltale sign. Remus felt a stab of pity for the man and an unusual wave of gratitude, that as a werewolf, he could at least attempt to blend in.

"Are you sure he's not dangerous?" This time it was a Gryffindor asking it. Of course, Gryffindors didn't want to be caught dead agreeing with Slytherins, but it was painfully obvious what everyone thought.

Before Mr. Leonard had even opened his mouth the whole class had already judged him. Remus was all too familiar with the labels, 'Monster, Stupid, Dangerous, Homeless, Drug-Addict, Predator, Evil, Weak, Useless'. It changed slightly depending on the creature but even the ones people were 'tolerant' of, who 'knew their status' the unspoken or spoken labels never left.

"I would prefer if you didn't speak to Professor Corbyn and instead speak directly to me please."

Mr. Leonard had an accent, probably Romanian as that seemed to be where the highest population of vampires could be found. Remus wondered how their Professor had found Mr. Leonard since, like werewolves, vampires tended to stay shut into their own communities. Plus, it didn't seem like his Professor knew the man very well.

"Well then are you dangerous?" A Slytherin demanded in a drawl. Remus realized it was Severus posing the question, who was smiled at by the boys sitting behind him with approval. Lily however did not approve, evident by the look of deep disappointment she shot him, which just made the Slytherin boys snicker behind their hands.

"Can't we please treat Mr. Leonard with some respect," she cut in sounding more sad than mad. Remus gripped his quill very tightly when he heard someone mutter 'mudblood' under their breath in retort.

"You take that back you filthy Slytherin," James roared, jumping to his feet.

For all Mr. Leonard said he was ready to face the class, he looked more than a little taken aback by that comment. Lily's face went scarlet at the attention now drawn to it and shot James as dirty as a look as she had shot the Slytherin who called her that. Meanwhile, Severus had gone very still and rigid, though sitting behind and diagonal to him Remus couldn't see his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Potter, though I kindly remind you I don't permit any name-calling here. That said such an inappropriate comment is indeed filthy to say. Mr. Jugson, Apologize to Miss Evans immediately. I won't tolerate that sort of talk in my classrooms. You can come to my office later for detention. Now let's get back to the lesson. Mr. Leonard has come all this way and I know you all have your own opinions but you will all treat him with respect or I will give detentions to each and every one of you." Professor Corbyn said sternly, and several students gasped at their normally very lenient professor.

"Thank you. Now to answer your concerns. I have eaten this week and as long as I do so on a regular basis then I am of no threat to anyone. There are vampires who don't try to control themselves and those that do. It is an active choice and I assure you I won't harm anyone here."

No one seemed to know what to say after Professor Corbyn's outburst and the visitor's confident statement. In fact, as Mr. Leonard continued to explain about vampires the class really seemed to listen. Remus admired the man, who rebuffed many wrong misconceptions students had and answered each offensive question without getting defensive.

"Yes, that's correct we do clothe ourselves. Though what vampires have to wear is usually Muggle clothes as we can live more easily with them."

"So you basically are a Muggle."

"No, I am a magical creature. I have performed a few spells before on someone else's wand. But I am unable to classify myself as a wizard due to the ministry's biases." There were actually a few mutters of disagreement on what to feel about the ministry's biases, which surprised Remus.

"Can you show us your fangs?"

"That is quite a rude request. It would be like asking someone to show you their bottom." There were a lot of giggles at that, and though Remus could hardly believe it, by the end of class it seemed that most students had either gained some respect for Mr. Leonard or had at least given up on trying to get a rise out of him.

"That's it for today's class. We'll be alternating between spell work and lectures and I want you all to have a six hundred word essay done by then on the weaknesses and strengths of vampires, and when the ministry considers it appropriate to attack them."

Remus got up to go, trying not to look at Sirius. He had been unusually quiet. Remus had expected him to ask insensitive questions, like James. It really made Remus worry that Sirius, especially, would never get over his anger towards all dark creatures.

As the students filed out, Remus was really pleased to note that only two Slytherins made a very dramatic arc of avoidance, away from Mr. Leonard as they left. Though it was upsetting to see that one of them pointedly held their nose.

"Hang on a minute James," Sirius sounded tense, and before Remus could stop him, he marched up to Mr. Leonard with a scowl. James' mouth fell open and Remus could feel him looking at him to see if he'd dare go after Sirius. But Remus didn't meet James' gaze, having felt the need to avoid all his friends' eyes since the start of class.

"I'm not as mean as the Slytherins but I want you to know that I don't buy the load of crap you sold us. Vampires are known to be manipulators and vicious creatures. I don't care what Dumbledore says you shouldn't be allowed in this castle!"

Professor Corbyn opened his mouth looking cross but Mr. Leonard beat him too.

"Mr. Black was it? I can't force you to feel a different way than you do about the matter. But the one acting viciously right now is not me."

Remus couldn't see Sirius' face, still standing in the back of the room with James and Peter. But he heard Sirius scoff, apparently not having a comeback, and stride out in as haughty of a manner as the Slytherins had. Remus sighed and followed James reluctantly.

"Wait a minute. Pettigrew, Lupin you both haven't said one word this entire time. What did you think of the lesson?"

Remus was pretty sure it was obvious what Peter thought since as they walked closer to the vampire, he had sunk further and further behind James, in an attempt to hide altogether. Remus noticed that maybe because Sirius' comment had upset him or maybe just now that the lesson was over, Mr. Leonard looked rather disheartened.

"Come on Peter, you don't have to answer," James reassured him as they started walking out. James didn't sound mad, just protective of his friend who seemed so scared. In fact, out of all his roommates, James had seemed the most accepting of the lesson, his insensitive questions asked with more curiosity than venom.

James glanced back at Remus to make sure he was coming, but Remus found himself stopping at the front of the room, Professor Corbyn looking at him expectantly.

"T…..thank you for coming sir and….and speaking to our class."

Mr. Leonard shifted his eyes from James who had stopped ushering Peter out in surprise, to him. Remus met the surprised red eyes with his own. He swallowed hard knowing he'd pay for this later and stretched out his hand. Gratitude that was so deep as to make the gesture worth it filled Mr. Leonard's eyes and he clasped Remus' hand firmly in his own and shook it.

"Thank you for reminding me why exposing myself to such criticism is worth it." Remus nodded, still feeling his Professor's gaze on him as he left. James, who was still in the room having been frozen with Peter, followed him out.

"What was that about?" he demanded. Remus took a deep breath spotting Sirius waiting for them in the hall with a scowl.

"Maybe don't tell Sirius?"

"B….but why Remus? Is it so…...is it not to risk becoming….his target?" came the, still too high pitched, voice behind James.

"Oh, calm down Peter I don't think he's evil," James retorted, which gave Remus a fraction of a sliver of hope.

"But why'd you have to go so far, Remus? It's not like you owe him anything."

"James….if someone...if it was some wizard or Magizoologist or ministry official would you hesitate to shake their hand?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to find the right words.

"Well, probably not," he admitted sounding confused. " But…." Remus shoved down the fear remembering the patience and courage in which Mr. Leonard had answered questions, never once getting defensive.

"But nothing. Mr. Leonard did a good job speaking and put up with more than any other presenter would have to. I…..I still don't like all dark creatures, James. But well….well you had to admit this one made some good points."

Sirius had noticed them now and was gesturing impatiently for them to walk over to him already. But Remus was focused on James if he could get at least one of them to even start agreeing... James met his gaze looking thoughtful for a moment, looking like he understood, but then he looked up meeting Sirius' gaze and laughed.

"You really have been spending too much time with Lily. Come on Remus I won't say anything to Sirius but don't forget they are called dark creatures for a reason," James replied cheerfully, sounding as if such a fact was obvious.

Remus let him and Peter walk over to Sirius feeling distraught and stupid. Why did he keep hoping and bothering anyways? Professor Corbyn was foolish for thinking changing prejudices was even possible.

"Come on already Remus," Sirius called impatiently when he saw he wasn't following. Just enjoy the days you have left, he reminded himself sternly.

"Coming," he called with a false cheerfulness he didn't at all feel. Just enjoy the days you have left, he repeated to himself, and he would do just that.


	20. Chapter Twenty: A Different Kind of Friend

Chapter Twenty: A Different Kind of Friend

By the time classes and dinner were over Remus was very grateful to be leaving his friends for a bit.

"Enjoy your date~!" they catcalled as he left their dorm to meet Lily in the library.

"And here I was going to put in a good word on your behalf," he shot back to James, not feeling the least bit bad that his friends' face went red as he spluttered defensively, "that was the last thing I wanted". Sirius laughed and looked impressed, but Remus didn't care about that either; he was just too irritated at them.

If only they had discussed something else, anything else, but their elaborate plans to 'save' Hogwarts from the vampire and to 'protect' themselves. Remus knew they were only joking and that a big part of their goal quickly became to get Peter to actually rub himself down with garlic. However, it didn't change the knot in his stomach their teasing caused.

When he reached the calming library he realized he had almost forgotten how nice it was to have someone waiting there for him. Better still, Severus wasn't there, which should have been a bit worrying as he had been avoiding a one on one with Lily, but Remus was simply too relieved he didn't have to put up with another exhausting person to care.

Lily smiled as he reached the table and she didn't ask why he slid into the chair and buried his face into his arms.

"They really are such twats aren't they," she replied sympathetically.

"Yes," he agreed, his voice muffled by his arms. She let out a slight laugh knowing as well as he that he'd be back to joking and sitting with them tomorrow without feeling the least bit annoyed at them anymore.

"Oh poor Remus, well if you ever get tired of them you know where to find me," she replied sounding amused.

"What would I do without you Lily," he sighed, realizing he meant it.

He really had missed hanging out with Lily. He loved his roommates and had a great time with them, usually. But Lily was calming where they were hectic and boisterous, and she was kind when they were being arses, and she actually liked studying while with them he had to listen to them complain.

"I should be saying that about you silly. My roommates and I get along better but it's awfully nice to have someone who actually likes to study."

"What about Severus?"

"No, he just puts up with it because of me the only thing he really wants to study is…," she trailed off looking sad and Remus felt a jolt of worry for the boy.

"Is dark magic?" he finished quietly, and she nodded, tears in her eyes.

"We got along so well during the summer. We laughed and played and everything went back to normal. It was so nice. Then he comes back to Hogwarts and starts hanging out with those dreadful boys again and he seems to get along better with them so I should be happy for him only they are so…. SO dreadful. I mean they let him hang out with me though I'm honestly not sure why….I mean ….. You know one of them called me that awful word today in class, well he's one of Severus friends,…..or at least sort of. And he didn't even stand up for me and…."

Remus listened to her talk about Severus as she increasingly sounded hurt and concerned, for good reason.

"I'm sorry Lily I wish I knew how to help him."

"Me too. I mean we still use the parchment to write to each other but he gets upset whenever I don't respond for a few minutes and he seems to misunderstand the….well I suppose the tone in which I'm writing something in. I don't even bring up his other friends since that never goes well so it's typically alright. Only…..well I think it would be a big help if you joined us again to study...even if only occasionally. I think he forgets other people exist between me the Slytherins and…...and those he hates," she sighed, sounding troubled.

Remus didn't particularly want to hang out with Severus who had betrayed him last year and never even properly apologized for it, and who sometimes made him feel so stupid when trying to explain potions to him.

"Maybe try to see him in person more?" he offered.

"Who? Me? Well, I try to but even with his friends letting him hang out with me he hangs out with them an awful lot."

"Do you miss him?"

Lily shot him a sharp look as if she could guess he was trying to get out of studying with Severus.

"Yes! He's so much more than what people see him as."

"You seem to be very good at that. I mean,... at seeing the good in others," he explained further at the confused look he got.

"Thank you, Remus. I try to do so. Though certain people I can't possibly see the good in."

"Like who?" he asked, expecting her to say Voldemort.

"James Potter," she huffed with such annoyance that Remus had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. "You don't need to look so amused about it."

"Sorry, he just gets you so worked up. But I think you'll be able to see the good in him one day."

"I doubt that. The day I see good in him is the day that I eat my quill or better yet make him eat it," she declared proudly, and Remus who had been doing a good job keeping in the laughter bent over with it.

"I don't know Lily. I think you're just too nice a person."

"Well, you might not think that when I quiz you on properties of the Humanguda Draught."

Remus sat up with a smile.

"Oh thank you! I really am hopeless when it comes to potions."

"You should sit next to me Remus," she pointed out, not for the first time.

"I can't Lily, then I'm worried Peter would be all alone."

"What if I got Marlene to sit with him?"

Remus was surprised she'd go so far just to sit with him in potions. Though he supposed she missed having Severus with her, and maybe she was under the wrong assumption Remus wouldn't just hold her back.

"Wouldn't that just upset Peter more since Marlene doesn't like him?"

"What makes you think that? She never said that. She just said she didn't want to date anyone."

Remus momentarily forgot about school entirely, his eyes widening.

"Really? Well, James and Sirius might kill him then before he gets the chance."

Lily's grin grew broader.

"Oh, so James will be bothered! That's just another perk then."

Remus wasn't sure if that was a perk, especially since he knew with no Slytherins to prank the girls would be on the receiving end of his roommates' pranks sooner rather than later, especially if Peter started dating. But he supposed sitting next to Marlene would cheer up Peter, and James and Sirius loved to sit next to each other.

"But I really am dreadful Lily... Like the worst of the worst," he explained finding it unfair to not at least warn her ahead of time.

Why was she looking at him so sadly?

He shifted nervously, though realized she was probably just pitying him.

"Then I'll help you get better Remus Lupin," she declared confidently and Remus pointed out he should really study hard then so he didn't bring her down, which just made her smile brightly again.

"You could never bring me down Remus," she said with such sincerity and kindness that Remus felt his cheeks getting warm. "Now then how many spoons of grasswheat does the draught require?"

...

"Peter quit squirming will ya?"

"But….but it tickles," the smaller boy protested weakly and Sirius paid him no mind, dipping his fingers in the wondrously cool paint and smearing it across Peter's chest with vigor.

"I can't believe you're actually going to the first practice?" Remus asked, sounding amused and perhaps relieved that Sirius hadn't even attempted to get him to remove his shirt. It took a lot of egging on for Peter to do so but Sirius doubted that even if he argued himself hoarse Remus would never fold to such an outrageous proposition. In fact, Sirius realized he'd never even seen his arms exposed!

"Ow, watch it, Sirius," Peter squawked and Sirius let his fingers relax, as his worries about Remus had nearly caused him to stab Peter with his fingernails.

"Missed a spot," Remus pointed out cheekily, far too amused that he wasn't partaking.

Or maybe his barely contained happiness had to do more with the fact both Peter and Sirius had on the scarves he had made for them last year. Sirius wouldn't put it past his friend to think they would have lost them by now, though he personally planned to keep this scarf forever. Not that he was particularly sentimental… he just wanted as much Gryffindor stuff as he could take home with him since it helped him remember who he was and where he belonged while back 'home'.

"Ok now it's your turn, Sirius," Peter pointed out and Sirius leaped out of the way as the still wet with paint boy tried to touch his shirt.

"Absolutely not! I'm not doing that. You look ridiculous."

"But…," Peter pouted, his whole face crumpling.

"I never said I'd do it too," Sirius retorted defensively, though he had come pretty close to agreeing to do just that. Remus looked up from the book he had been pretending to read and gave Sirius a disapproving look.

"Sirius…"

"What!" he exclaimed, knowing he was perfectly innocent in all of this.

"You can't possibly expect Peter to go through with this if you don't," Remus pointed out in his usual infuriatingly kind and boring logic.

It was just for a bit of a laugh!

Besides, it was just the Quidditch team. It's not like he was making Peter flash his red and gold chest at the entire school.

"YOU can always join him if you're worried he'll be all alone."

Remus smirked at Sirius' comment, which usually meant Sirius was in trouble to some degree.

"But James would find it soooo much more amusing if you did it, and it would help assure him you really were ok with this," Remus said knowingly, and Sirius flinched since he still wasn't quite altogether ok with it and wanted to prove he was or could be anyways.

He was a good mate after all!

"Well, Peter will just have to take one for the team."

"But I always take one for the team!"

"Nuhu."

"Yeah huh!"

"I agree that Peter does often take one for the team even if that usually just means you and James make him go sneak the snacks," Remus pointed out with another grin. Sirius sighed unsure how to combat Remus' unusual attitude he'd had the past few days.

He and James were waiting for their friend to withdraw and get all defensive as the last day of the month was only a few days away. Maybe whatever was going on really had stopped though because Remus had just seemed amused with them lately. However, there was a sort of forced sound when he teased them that Sirius couldn't quite place but just felt off.

It was like everytime Remus smirked or laughed or smiled, that he was in pain somehow. James told Sirius he was being crazy and that maybe Remus had just been in a good mood, and what was wrong with that. But it did feel wrong, and Sirius wasn't sure why it just did. He wanted to tell Remus if he'd rather cry than smile he should just do so, and that if he did there would be no questions asked... as hard as that would be for Sirius.

"So you should get painted too!" Peter pointed out pleadingly. Sirius looked from one of his friends to the other feeling ganged up on.

"I prefer it when James is here," he whined dramatically, and Remus let out a laugh that almost sounded...sincere.

"James isn't here to protect you now."

Sirius realized he'd do just about anything to make Remus actually smile sincerely, even make a fool of himself with Peter in front of his future teammates.

Because next year he would get on the team!

"Fine, but only if you do the painting Remus. I don't trust Peter not to draw anything lewd!"

"I would never!" Peter proclaimed with such an 'innocent' air that Sirius was convinced that was exactly what he would have done in revenge.

"Fine."

Remus set down the book and came over to Peter's bed whose sheets had somehow become speckled with maroon and gold in the process. Sirius yanked off his shirt replying to Peter he wouldn't be as big a wuss about the paint, only to squirm just as much over it, because it really was cold!

"There, all done."

Sirius realized he might have made a terrible mistake in allowing Remus to have free reign in painting his chest because bloody hell did he look mischievous and satisfied!

Peter was stifling giggles which only confirmed Sirius' worst fears because this magical paint wouldn't come off until the user removed it and he didn't look forward to begging Remus bloody Lupin to do so. Leaving Peter and Remus to their laughter he rushed to the bathroom and groaned loudly.

"Remus how could you!" he howled in betrayal, though a part of him couldn't help but be begrudgingly impressed.

"Shall we go to the practice field now?" Remus asked innocently enough, and this time there was a real honest to goodness smile on his face and it suddenly made the soon to be humiliation worth it,... almost.

...

Remus chatted casually with Peter who had pronounced him his new hero, though the boy had been quick to explain this was second place to James, who was very much his number one hero. Sirius scoffed at the comment but Peter pointed out that with Sirius' new look he had no room to talk.

Remus laughed openly at Sirius who was being a surprisingly good sport about it and brushed away the ridiculous notion that he wished he could have joined in. He realized he would have- this would be a great silly end to what had been a pleasant and question free week before the full moon- but he couldn't risk the paint not covering his scars.

"You better bloody explain this to Potter," Sirius muttered, clutching his loose cloak tightly to him as they passed by Mr. Filch, who eyed them as if he could sniff they were up to no good.

"I think it might make James fall off his broom with delight," Remus pointed out, maybe just a bit smugly. But he hadn't wanted to pass up an opportunity to one-up Sirius who got the upper hand far too much for Remus' liking. He was quite proud of how boyish and immature he had been able to act the past few days.

If he tried really hard he could almost forget that he was just pretending.

He had even pranked some unsuspecting Ravenclaws and had actually suggested they go out after hours to sneak into Honeydukes. When James had pointed out the change in him Remus had just responded that he finally succumbed to their 'evil' influences which they all seemed to buy. Or at least he hoped they did.

He often felt Sirius eyeing him sometimes as if expecting him to combust. But Remus was determined to enjoy what was left of this time, and also partly to show his friends he could be different and better. That way maybe... just maybe they'd not ask him a bunch of questions, because they would like the new and improved Remus enough not to want to worry about it.

True, it seemed rather far fetched but there was at least a chance, so he had held his tongue at every suggestion of causing trouble even though inwardly he cringed, and had both smiled and laughed extra hard at everything even remotely funny.

"Well then maybe he'll be the one humiliated," Sirius grinned.

"Pretty sure you'll be the only one humiliated," he retorted, grinning at Sirius' mock dirty look.

Was that a hint of sadness he saw in his friend's eye?

Shaking it off he rushed forward breaking into a run even though he physically felt awful, with the full moon being tomorrow night.

"Wait up Remus!" Peter laughed quite pleased with his maroon and gold blotches of color, which were nothing in comparison to Sirius' design.

Feigning stopping to let Peter catch up Remus struggled to keep the pain off of his face, especially as Sirius grabbed his hand and stared intently at him as if looking for something. It made Remus uncomfortable but he wasn't about to let Sirius know that, everything was fine right now, everything was just perfect.

"What? Did you want me to add another heart?" He grinned insolently and Sirius' scary intense expression broke into begrudging amusement.

"This is revenge for the storm cloud last year isn't it?" he asked instead.

"Oh definitely."

Everything was just perfect. Remus convinced himself as they took their seats. Everything was fine, he assured himself as Sirius and Peter stood up once James took to the air.

Remus' prediction wasn't far off as once James noticed he started laughing so hard he nearly did fall off his broom. Not that Remus could blame him with the giant gold heart painted on Sirius' chest, maroon words written inside it reading 'James' number one fan' with a rather crude portrait of James to accompany it.

As Remus clutched his sides that hurt from his laughter, and Peter actually fell to the ground hooting, he made himself... forced himself to be fine.

For tonight everything would be fine,...just perfect.


	21. Chapter: Twenty One Everything is NOT perfect

Chapter: Twenty One Everything is NOT perfect

"Cheers!" James shouted lifting up the mugs of butterbeer Remus and Peter had sneaked into the dorms under the invisibility cloak, still beaming. Sirius had to admit it was pretty funny, the whole Gryffindor team had to momentarily stop practice to refocus themselves. Still, James didn't have to be quite so obnoxious about it, only referring to Sirius as his 'number one fan', and Remus didn't have to look quite so smug.

"It's nice to be able to do this," Peter sighed, content as he took a big sip from his mug.

Remus had refused to remove Sirius' paint until he removed Peter's. So now Peter had no paint and Sirius still did! Remus was a complete and utter twat.

"This is to celebrate my glowing success on the quidditch team, and Remus' new-found devilish side, of which I completely approve!" James roared, sloshing some of the butterbeer over the side of the mug. Remus blushed looking more like himself than he had in days, before grinning with once more a slight sense of pain to him Sirius couldn't quite place.

"Here's to Sirius' newfound adoration of James," Remus shouted back with mock seriousness. Which caused James to roar with laughter all over again and for Sirius to find his face dark red all over again.

Why wasn't Remus acting sickly? Why wasn't he avoiding them? Why did he seem to be enjoying himself so much and yet….yet seeming so forced as well?

Sirius decided his questions could wait because the sun was setting over Hogwarts from their wonderful spot by the boat dock and the four of them were all at least outwardly ok. So they talked and laughed and ate pasties long into the night. It wasn't until the nearly full moon was high into the sky that Sirius realized all of this felt a little...final.

"Hey Remus….," he wasn't quite sure what he was going to ask only that Sirius suddenly had this tight feeling in his chest along with the feeling he had somehow been tricked or cheated, and it had nothing to do with the paint his little imp of a friend had left on his chest.

Only he didn't get to ask what unformed question had just been breaking through his mind, because Peter had gotten to his feet and was clearing his throat pointedly. James, who really was far too happy, let out a whoop expecting more false toasts each more ludicrous and insulting to one another than the last.

"It's nearly midnight and we're all together and I think now's a good time to tell you my secret."

With that simple statement, the atmosphere shifted suddenly but Sirius couldn't even be frustrated at Peter for being a party pooper, because the cheerful atmosphere had prior suddenly felt quite suffocating.

"Aw come off it Peter we're still celebrating my success," James sighed, acting as if he had single-handedly won the first game for his team, which hadn't even happened yet. It was only a bloody practice!

"I think Peter's right," he pointed out, which caused everyone to look at him with surprise. "Well, I do! So let's hear it, Peter, what's your big scary secret."

At least someone was willing to be transparent with secrets, he thought a bit bitterly.

"Can we go back to the dorm first then?" Remus asked, keeping his gaze firmly on the ground for some reason. He suddenly seemed pale and nervous and it was sort of concerning, but it was so sincerely Remus that it almost made Sirius feel better.

"No here's fine," he protested just for the hell of it, and maybe because he was just a bit cross with Remus.

"Well I…" Peter waited until they were looking at him then he paced around seeming very anxious and Sirius was forced to wonder if he had misjudged the severity of Peter's secret after all.

"Would you feel more comfortable if we talk back in the dorm Peter?" Remus asked kindly, and in his usual gentle tone without a hint of the sarcasm and mockery he'd had in his tone so much these past days.

"Er….er yeah," Peter admitted, and as they packed up Sirius swore he heard Remus sigh in relief.

They walked back in striking silent contrast to the jovial atmosphere that had been with them on their travel out of the castle, which had nearly resulted in them being caught.

"We need a better name," James said abruptly as they were actually nearing the castle.

"Well yeah….but none of us can come up with something cool."

"We just don't have the right motivation," James argued and proceeded to announce haughtily the challenge of coming up with a cool group name to them all, with the reward being his signed autograph.

"Piss off Potter," Sirius laughed a bit tensely, but he did think James was onto something.

"How about you offer up the invisibility cloak for a whole week as a result," Peter suggested.

"A whole week! No way. You grubby little children would ruin it," James huffed, sounding deeply offended.

"Then I guess we'll never have a good group name," Sirius replied with as much nonchalance as he could muster.

"Fine...fine but only three days," James relented and they spent the rest of the time in the passageway arguing to increase the amount of time. By the time they reached their dorm they had all switched to discussing what they would do with invisibility for days and days.

"I'd go flying and spend all night out there so I could become better than a certain annoying new Quidditch member!" Sirius replied eagerly, earning a teasing grin from James.

"Good thinking Sirius, you could definitely get better than Dorcas."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James who stuck his tongue out at him, both of them knowing who he had actually been referring to.

"I'd go to the Forbidden Forest since I missed it last time," Peter announced proudly.

"Oh come on Peter!"

"Yeah, you have to be honest mate."

"I bet he'd stalk poor Marlene, don't you think so Sirius?"

"Quite right Potter. He's still hopelessly in love."

"I'm not in love she's just pr….pretty and nice."

Sirius and James laughed at their blushing friend who hadn't actually denied he would stalk her.

"What about you Remus, you've been awfully quiet?"

"Oh you don't need to ask him, Sirius, we all know he'd just spend his time in the library studying."

"Or I'd spend the day making sure Peter didn't stalk Marlene even if he didn't have the cloak," Remus replied, somewhat weakly. They all laughed at that but Sirius didn't even see the faintest trace of a smile on Remus' face as they entered their dorms and piled onto, as was tradition, Remus' bed.

Sirius was sure to scoop up Elvis beforehand and squeezed himself tightly, sitting beside Remus whose reaction he could better gauge when he could physically feel him flinch. Plus, they were already getting a little too big to fit comfortably onto one bed without either squishing Elvis, who Sirius demanded had a nice circle of freedom to roam with his adorable clumsiness, or themselves, which really remained the only option.

"SO what on bloody earth is it Peter?"

"My dad's in Azkaban."

The quiet, rushed pronouncement led to dead silence in which Sirius realized he had indeed bloody underestimated Peter's news.

"I'm sorry mate, that…"

"Peter, is it alright if we ask why?" Remus asked softly, in a voice that implied he was all too aware of the fact Peter's dad might be in Azkaban for hurting his own family. Sirius was all too aware of that as well and felt rather dizzy. But Peter didn't look terribly upset, in fact, he seemed quite pleased to have all of them so focused on him.

"Well…...he enchanted a Muggle's horse barn so that our horses would win the prize and status."

"Oh is that all!" Sirius exclaimed, deeply relieved.

"That's your big news Peter geez," James scoffed, perhaps still a bit irked that their celebration of 'him' was interrupted for this.

"No that's not all!" Peter snapped defensively, his beady eyes looking at all of them. "He also used an unforgivable curse on my mom….and me….."

Oddly Peter sounded unsure about this. But then again if he had been under the Imperius curse then maybe he was made to forget?

"Peter I'm so sorry…..was….did he hurt you badly?" Remus asked, concerned, and sad.

"Very badly!" Peter stated with a sort of pride that made Sirius a bit suspicious of how truthful he was being.

"Will he be gone long then?" James asked, now sounding impressed, and worried himself.

"Only for another year. But my mum might not let him back," Peter sounded very sad about this, which again was really weird if his dad had hurt him.

"Well, that's probably for the best right? I mean you must be afraid of him," Sirius pointed out trying not to sound too irked.

"No! Well….I mean…...he's still my dad….and….and I'm just that brave of a Gryffindor."

Sirius frowned as Peter stammered his explanation. He felt a bit bad about it but he felt like Peter was lying. Only surely his friend wouldn't do that. Why on earth would he lie anyways?

No, Sirius probably just didn't want to believe yet another one of his friends had shitty parents.

"Blimey mate I guess you really are," James admitted sounding in awe. "What did he do to you?"

"James!" Remus exclaimed, sounding offended. "You can't just ask that. Peter you don't have to answer."

"It's ok I want to."

"You….you want to?" Remus asked, sounding dubious, "You don't have to Peter if it's hard to talk about," he assured Peter, with a grave tone that made him sound much older and more mature than he was.

"Well….it's hard. But you guys are my friends... and we shouldn't keep anything from each other," Peter explained, with only a slightly longer look at Remus before he went back to looking mostly at James for approval.

Could Peter be lying in an attempt to subtly guilt Remus into telling them?

It seemed a little too devious and brilliant for Peter, but as his brave friend started talking about the Cruciatus Curse being used on him in graphic detail, Sirius felt a little too sick to care.

"Excuse me," he muttered and dashed to the bathroom barely making it in time to throw up into the toilet feeling suddenly very shaky.

It felt absolutely humiliating to get so upset when Peter was being so damn brave about talking about it, but Sirius could remember the pain. Could clearly recall the excruciating pain so vividly to this day. He had never been caught alone with Bellatrix again after that, and he knew she had been punished, though not nearly as much as she should have been.

But the way he had spasmed on the ground screaming until his mother had come running had been one of the worst moments of his life, even though his mother had actually slapped Bellatrix as a result.

It had been two whole years ago, but as he clutched the toilet trying not to throw up again, it really felt like it had been only yesterday.

...

Remus was finding it hard to breathe as Peter explained being tortured as if he had read it from some book. When Sirius had excused himself tensely to go to the bathroom Remus had mumbled an excuse about it being hot and stumbled to the window sticking his head outside to take deep breaths.

He tried not to recall it, tried not to think about the pain. It made his monthly transformations seem laughable and those were already excruciating. He wanted to blame his parents but they had thought it would help him, that it would "take away the werewolf" as if it was somehow his fault. As if he was somehow consciously choosing to let the werewolf be a part of him.

So they flew him to Russia, where such experimentations were still legal. Try as he might to be mad at his mom and dad though, he had seen their ashen faces as five wizards held him down. He had watched them both sob and stop the experiment before it reached the point where he was driven mad, as apparently had happened with other test subjects.

"Peter….I think you should stop now." He heard James say and tried to calm down but it hadn't just been that time as his mother sobbed and his father assured her that the Russian Wizards of Strange Ailments knew what they were doing, before they both realized they didn't.

No, darker than that still was the shadow….was Greyback, Remus could hardly remember but he was sure that man had cast the same vile curse at him, at least once.

As he stood, more like leaned heavily against the window frame trying not to remember, he could almost feel his hand on…..

"AH!"

"Sorry Remus...bloody hell sorry," James replied quickly, sounding guilty. Just then the bathroom door slammed open and Sirius came storming out looking ready to murder someone.

"James….help….Peter…." Remus managed to whisper and James rushed to jump on the bed letting Remus' knees give out so that he sank to the ground gasping.

"YOU VILE PIGHEADED MORONIC BLOODY ARSE!" Sirius roared pointing his wand at Peter, or at James standing in front of Peter.

"Sirius calm down."

"NO! HE WAS LYING THERE'S NO WAY! NO WAY HE'S EXPERIENCED THAT BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE SOUNDED SO BLOODY PROUD OF IT YOU FUCKING BOLLOCK SUCKING WANKER!" Sirius had to gasp for breath still looking shaky and Remus wished he had the energy to go to him. But his legs wouldn't work and he was almost a little grateful for Sirius' yelling since it was making it easier for him not to go back to that dark place.

"Sirius you don't know that," James protested, though he sounded unsure himself now that Peter was trembling and crying, the small boy pressed against the bed frame looking very frightened.

"COURSE I DO BECAUSE I'VE ACTUALLY HAD IT USED ON ME, UNLIKE THIS TOSSER!"

"Blimey," James exclaimed, sounding horrified, and it looked like his knees almost buckled as well.

"I'm sorry!" Peter wailed, unable to keep in his guilt any longer. "I didn't know it would upset you and Remus so much I just wanted to be cool and important and you guys didn't even care my dad's in Azkaban until I made up stuff!"

Remus felt ill at being called out since he would have liked to avoid the implications of the statement altogether.

He considered jumping out a window again as Sirius' dark eyes turned to him and softened at whatever they saw. Remus had never wanted to throttle his friends more than he wanted to throttle Peter at that moment. Apparently, Sirius felt the same because after finding whatever he had been looking for in Remus, who probably looked as ill as Sirius did, he rounded back on Peter who James had stopped protecting.

"COOL? YOU THINK IT'S COOL TO BE TORTURED, YOU BASTARD! THEN I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW….."

"WOAH SIRIUS TAKE A WALK!" James shouted, grabbing Sirius' raised arm which was shaking.

"NO! I WANT TO CURSE HIM INTO NEXT WEEK. HOW DARE HE!"

"HE DIDN'T KNOW. SO CALM DOWN!"

Suddenly the door to their dorm flung open, which Remus had been dreading would happen since they started yelling and a scowling Frank Longbottom regarded them coolly. He was still dressed in his pajamas because unlike them he was a reasonable bloke who no doubt went to bed at a decent hour.

"If you don't shut up I'll curse you all into…What's wrong?" he asked, his features melting into their usual kind expression, taking into account the odd scene before him. Remus who was hunched by the open window, no doubt looked like he might hurl. James who was still grabbing Sirius' arm who looked like he might either retch or murder someone, and to top it off Peter who was sobbing and shaking.

"Would you believe me if I said we were enacting a play?" James offered with his best winning smile, which it seemed, Frank was currently immune to.

"I'm going to get Professor McGonagall. Black, come with me. And the rest of you don't move."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, a gleam of anger and defiance in his eyes which Frank quickly squashed with an uncharacteristic yet impressive 'I dare you to so much speak a word' look.

Unable to protest under that withering gaze Sirius followed Frank, shooting one last angry and hurt look at Peter before he followed after the prefect. As Frank and Sirius left, they were gawked at by the boys in the other room who were standing in the hall whispering about what on earth could have happened between the culprits.

"Mind your own business," James muttered, and closed the door before rounding on Peter himself. "Explain why I shouldn't let Sirius hex you into next week?"

"I'm so sorry James, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I swear I just…...just wanted you all to actually pay attention to me."

"Yeah well Sirius will be paying a lot of attention to you when he hexes you," James scowled, making Peter flinch and press himself even more firmly into the headboard.

"I wasn't lying about it all. My dad really is in Azkaban but you sounded irritated at me James and implied it wasn't even that big of a deal when it was a big deal to me," Peter protested weakly.

"Well, now I'm pissed at you. We're probably all going to get detentions and I haven't the faintest idea what to tell McGonagall when she arrives….."

Remus normally would have come to Peter's defense only he was too upset at the sobbing boy at the moment to do so. They waited in a tense silence, James giving Remus a considering look, but perhaps feeling too guilty about scaring him to question him. Instead resigning himself to letting Remus be.

"All of you on your feet. I have never had such an outrageous display from boys in their own dorm!" Professor McGonagall reprimanded severely.

Sirius who was standing by her side, now just looked pale and tired. It seemed Frank had filled her in because it took her no time at all to demand why on earth Sirius had been pointing his wand at Peter.

"Mr. Black has opted not to tell me and will, therefore, be joining me in detention for a month. Mr. Lupin I said on your feet!" she snapped angrily, still dressed in her nightgown, dark strands of hair sticking from out of her nightcap, too angry to realize Remus physically could not stand. Luckily she was also too upset to regard him too closely so he was able to remain on the ground. Truly the majority of her anger was directed at Sirius, who stood head hung but looking very defiant indeed.

"Still no answer Mr. Black? Then two months of detention for you and you'll take no part in the festivities surrounding our visitors this year. In fact, I think I might have to write to your mother about this incident."

Remus winced, that was hardly playing fair. She finally had Sirius' attention now, and he turned to gape at her in disbelief.

"Don't Professor McGon..." Peter spoke up, jumping as she turned her stern gaze to him.

"Are you telling me what to do Mr. Pettigrew? Perhaps you'd like to join Mr. Black in detention?"

"I….I only mean it was my fault Professor McGonagall…."

Remus glanced at Peter in shock and horror. He wasn't going to honestly tell their Professor what had happened, would he? Remus could see the anger turn to fear on Sirius' features which he tried and failed to school.

"Explain Mr. Pettigrew before I grow less tolerant and give you all detentions. Mr. Lupin on your feet!" she barked again and Remus had no choice but to pitifully grasp the window sill and try to heave himself upwards.

"Mr. Lupin are you alright?" Professor McGonnagal's tone turned abruptly to concern.

"Y…..yes ma'am….I just…..a bit faint is all. Didn't eat enough," he explained and accepted gratefully James' hand who helped pull him up and let him lean on him to keep him steady on his feet as McGonagall regarded him carefully.

"Very well. Proceed, Mr. Pettigrew." At least she sounded calmer now and that seemed to, unfortunately, help Peter find his voice.

"I told a terribly hurtful lie Professor McGonigallMcGonnagal," Peter explained in a shaky voice not seeming to notice the pleading look Sirius was shooting at him from slightly behind their Professor.

"And what lie was that?" Professor McGonigallMcGonnagal asked in a tone that suggested she couldn't think of a single lie that would justify Sirius' reaction.

"I….I told Sirius…..told him that I saw that his family…..were death eaters," Peter explained sounding deeply ashamed. Remus was greatly relieved that he hadn't told the truth and a bit shocked he had come up with a lie that seemed doable.

"Mr. Pettigrew such an accusation is terribly offensive."

"I know Professor I'm sorry...I just…..I was mad at Sirius and I wanted to hurt him…" Peter finished a bit lamely. But Professor McGonigallMcGonnagal seemed to be deciding what to do with the new information and didn't notice the edge of uncertainly to Peter's confession.

"We won't tolerate that sort of talk amongst our students. I'm especially disappointed in you as head of your house, Pettigrew. I think that you will be the one joining me in detention for two weeks and Mr. Black while I can understand why you were so upset that does not excuse you responding in violence."

"Technically he hadn't actually responded in…"

"Mr. Potter! You will do well to stay out of this!"

James sighed in defeat, giving Sirius a small smile and a subtle hand gesture that Remus had forgotten they did entirely and which he was pretty sure meant 'I tried'.

"As I was saying it does not excuse you almost resorting to violence. I'm giving you detention with me tomorrow night and for a week after. I don't want any complaints or I will give you more than that."

Remus wasn't sure why that made Sirius so upset or why he exchanged a look of utmost despair with James before wisely mumbling 'yes Professor'. She regarded them all once more with a heavy sigh.

"I understand times are uncertain boys but you must stay unified together as Dumbledore rightfully reminds us. 10 points from Gryffindor for failing to do so. Don't let it happen again."

She nodded to herself looking tired and closed the door disappearing with a sharp "Get back into your beds" to whoever had come out of their room to hear.

"Sirius I really am sorry….," Peter began but Sirius raised a hand to cut him off.

"If you had let me get all those detentions for something you did wrong you'd be dead to me. You aren't forgiven yet Pettigrew, not even close."

"I think we should all actually get some sleep," James sighed when he realized Peter wasn't going to respond with more groveling and apologizing. James helped Remus into his bed and they all heavily collapsed into their respective beds.

Remus was really surprised he had avoided any questions and a bit suspicious over the fact as well. But he supposed everyone was tired, none of them actually liked being seriously angry with one another, so it was a heavy atmosphere they all laid in.

"Hey Remus?" came Sirius' soft whisper. Remus considered ignoring him and pretending he was already asleep, even if that would be a stretch, but Sirius sounded like he was crying.

"Yeah?"

"Can…..."

Remus waited, the long silence stretching, and shifted slightly in his bed pulling back his blinds so he could see Sirius who, as always, had not pulled the blinds around his bed.

"I….I thought I was actually going to try… like Bella…..I….I don't want to be like them," Sirius whispered so softly Remus could barely hear him.

"You aren't. You wouldn't have, Sirius, not really."

"How can you be certain?"

"Because I know you. Because Sirius Black is my friend who had a right to be mad but who wouldn't have actually hurt Peter."

"But I wanted to."

"I know. But wanting something doesn't mean doing something."

"I…..I guess that's true. It just…..Peter came up with that lie so fast and he's not especially clever. ….Do you think…..do you think he thinks that my family are death eaters?"

"Do you?" Remus asked sadly, feeling a great deal of sympathy for his friend.

"...yeah…..I think so…... I don't know. They certainly believe in what Voldemort is doing..."

"I hope they aren't Sirius. But even if they are you aren't them. You're nothing like them."

Remus had to fight back sleep, his body exhausted and sore already, with tomorrow looming over him. But his friend needed him so he kept reopening his drooping eyes, sitting up so he didn't nod off. Sirius looked at him gratefully seeming to understand the effort it took from him.

"Well….I don't know that I'm nothing like them. We Blacks are notoriously gorgeous people."

Remus gave a snort of amusement.

"Hey, Remus?"

"Yeah?" he answered feeling his stomach drop. Sirius was going to ask him now and he felt far too tired and grumpy to come up with some lie.

He just wanted to sleep!

"Is it stupid if I ask to hold your hand? That doesn't make me a swot does it?"

He bit back a sigh of relief and settled down into his bed again making sure Sirius could see his smile in the bright moonlight.

"It most definitely does," Remus whispered as he stretched out his hand, waiting. Sirius let out his own scoff of amusement then his hand found Remus' and gave it a squeeze.

Remus had wanted his last night of his friends blissfully not hounding him about his secrets to end with laughter and games, and possibly no sleeping. But as he fell asleep with Sirius fingers interlocked in his he decided this was a pretty nice alternative.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two: At the End of the Year

Chapter Twenty-Two: At the End of the Year

James did his best to tail Remus the next day. He had really tried to track down his ornery friend who hadn't touched his breakfast, and who Sirius had made him promise to follow with the invisibility cloak since he had to report to detention with Peter. He had even heeded Sirius' not needed advice by trailing a safe enough distance behind Remus to avoid detection.

But he had failed, which was something that James Potter was not accustomed to doing. Of course, Sirius blamed it on Peter not him, as they sat awake waiting for Remus to return, but knowing in their heart of hearts he wouldn't be back for at least two days. James had needed to stop Sirius from insulting Peter who was truly really sorry and who could only express it so much before Sirius appeared to be the one acting a bit like a berk. Peter had a lot of work to do before Sirius would even look him in the eye again, not that James wasn't upset too about the stunt he had pulled a few days ago, just not as much.

But Peter took his apology very seriously and brought Sirius a bunch of snacks and even offered to do his homework, which was silly since Sirius got better marks than he did anyways. However even after Remus returned, avoiding them with a renewed vigor that made James wish they could go back to Remus' mischief and joking, Sirius remained adamant in his 'hatred' towards Peter.

James put up with Sirius' grudge because he knew that Peter had really messed up. But when upon returning Remus had treated Peter the same way he treated the rest of them, with a kind but polite distance, and was not at all spouting insults, James knew that Sirius had to get over it.

He had told Sirius so which hadn't ended well, and in which Sirius had thrown in James' face that he'd failed to tail Remus. James did not like being reminded of his failures and things had been a little tense with him and Sirius for about half an hour before they both ended up wrestling one another and getting over it.

"Why can't you just wrestle Peter and be done with it Sirius?" he asked as they sat under a tree, scanning for signs of Narcissa who had been avoiding Sirius with as much skill as Remus.

"Because he'd cry if I tried that."

"Pretty sure he'd prefer that to you reminding him what a bastard he is all the time. It's nearly been three weeks now Sirius we were supposed to be coming up with a cool name not going all nuts and barely hanging out anymore."

"Well…...he just….I just…."

"Yeah, I know it was dreadful but I think we'll need his help making Remus ever return to our dorm besides at night once we're asleep."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I just want him to pay for it a bit."

"He is paying for it, or he did with detentions."

"Yeah but it's not enough."

"He really didn't know Sirius. Besides we know...well I mean I think someone….you know... with Remus being hurt that way too? Maybe that's a clue somehow?" Though James realized bringing that up might not be the best way to get Sirius to finally forgive Peter.

"I know but…..but it just makes me more concerned… I mean I explained to you it was Bella who is a complete psycho…..but…..but do you think his uncle is that bad or is it someone else?" Sirius asked, sounding distressed.

"I don't know mate I wish I did….well actually I sort of don't. I mean if we just tell Remus we'll let him be and stop figuring things out then….well then we could go back to having fun and enjoying our time at school instead of ruining it."

"But he comes back hurt James!"

There really wasn't anything James could say to that so instead, he said nothing, sighing heavily and very glad he at least had Quidditch and the visitors arriving to look forward to.

"There's my cousin." Sirius didn't sound as nearly pleased about it as James thought he would be, but upon looking up from studying flying maneuvers instead of the spell to shoot out water, he realized that was because Narcissa was coming straight at him.

"I can't promise not to hex her Sirius," he muttered to his friend whose expression had darkened.

"I know."

"Should I leave?"

"No, if she's annoying then she deserves to be hexed."

James was about to point out teasingly that by that logic Sirius deserved to be hexed but he didn't have the chance to as Narcissa reached them quickly, her strides full of purpose and impatience.

"Hello, Sirius," she replied haughtily, looking down at her cousin as if he was something unpleasant stuck to her shoe.

"Hello, Sissy," Sirius replied back in the same manner.

"You've….surprisingly done well. Regulus will meet you in the east courtyard at 3 pm."

Then before Sirius could say anything she was striding back the way she came. James expected Sirius to be pissed but instead, he was grinning ear to ear exclaiming happily he finally had a chance to change Regulus for the better.

James felt really bad for his friend because all Slytherins were the same, though he wouldn't mention that to Sirius, and after nearly two whole months with the Slytherins, he highly doubted there was any point in trying to save Regulus. But again, he wasn't about to tell his friend that.

...

Sirius waited impatiently in the courtyard trying not to feel giddy. After all his little twat of a brother had been making a game out of Sirius' futile attempts to hunt him down. He needed this meeting to go perfectly so Regulus would continue to meet him without nasty Sissy's approval and he could go back to pranking the Slytherins. A favorite pastime that might ease some of his tension and make him able to fully forgive his twat of a friend, Peter.

"Sirius!"

He turned around watching Regulus stride up to him and his heart plummeted. His sweet brother looked…..haughty?

Regulus had never been able to perfect the Black's haughty nature, he'd always been too sweet and sensitive. But now it was as if Sirius was looking at a different person. Surely Regulus wasn't already too far gone. No, if his brother had chosen a toad to take to Hogwarts in order to join the toad choir then he was still the brother Sirius loved, even if he had sort of abandoned him over the summer. So he was determined to be a good big brother and set him on the right path.

"Hi, Reg. Too cool for your older brother now?"

"Maybe," Regulus grinned and Sirius felt instantly better.

"What have you been up to?"

Sirius mentally thanked Remus for pointing out that Regulus might get defensive if he just launched into his requests for his brother to shape up. Instead, Sirius listened with all the patience he could muster as his brother explained about his little friends with excitement. He tried hard not to gag as Regulus explained how wonderful Sissy had been to him and how he was friends with her friends which made Regulus feel all important since they were much older.

Yuck!

"What about you Sirius?" Regulus finally asked after chatting for a long while. Sirius filled him in about some of his classwork and not getting on the Quidditch team, wishing he trusted his brother enough now to talk about his own friends and their adventures.

"I wish we could do this more often," he pointed out casually.

"Hm? Yeah me too! I love it at Hogwarts but it would be nice to see you more. You never run after my friends and me fast enough to catch us," he laughed and Sirius had to stop himself from pointing out he wouldn't have to run if the morons didn't run first!

"Well…..we should. Meet up more. I have a lot I could teach you so you'd be ahead of your classes and all."

That had been James' suggestion, that all Slytherins were greedy little bastards as he had put it, so Sirius should appeal to his brother's ambition.

"Oh Sissy's already letting me do that," Regulus pointed out good-naturedly and Sirius felt a stab of jealousy that made no sense at all because he didn't even like his stupid cousin!

"She actually lets you call her that?"

"Of course. She lets her closest friends call her that. I mean you call her that."

Taken aback by the comment and still filled with bitter jealousy he couldn't understand, Sirius forgot about his promise to be nice.

"Are you that much of a dumbass that you really think her and me are friends?" he asked incredulously and could see the hurt immediately in his brother's eyes that resulted from his words.

"You don't need to be rude. But you are family so…"

Yet again, this comment shouldn't have filled Sirius with such anger... but it did, and he'd never been particularly good at controlling his anger.

"Oh yeah, because I'm such a bloody part of our minging little family," he snarled so full of jealousy for his stupid perfect little brother who got their cruel cold mother to buy him a stupid fucking toad!

"Sirius I only….."

"You only bloody what! Only wanted to remind me of what a failure I am. Of what a bloody "blood traitor" I am. Well, save your breath I hear enough of that from mom and dad."

"But Sirius I wasn't…."

If he had been calmer he maybe would have heard the worry in his brother's tone, but it all just sounded like the sniveling haughty tone of his family.

And here was his brother becoming everything he couldn't and didn't want to be, and he hated him…, a bit, for it.

"Oh shut up! I don't know why I bothered to see you anyways if you're just going to insult me. You can run back to Sissy now who's clearly more your bloody family than I am!" he shouted and stormed off not letting Regulus get in a word. It wasn't until he had stormed down the hill that he realized he'd have to jump through "Sissy's" hoops all over again.

"Maybe I just won't see him again!" he shouted, chucking a rock into the lake since unlike his twat of a brother he could lash out at the lake without feeling a tangle of confusion, and guilt, and hurt.

"You would regret that and you know it," Remus pointed out and Sirius jumped because he didn't even realize his friend was nearby or that he presently cared enough to talk to him alone.

"Why are you here?" he asked sulkily, deciding he was pissed with bloody Remus too for making things so difficult all the time. He considered chucking the new rock in his hand in Remus' direction to scare him off only he doubted it would work, and he had to swallow down the sick feeling that rose up in him at even thinking of doing such a thing.

"Because a pair of annoying twats by the name of Messrs James and Peter begged me to hang out nearby in case things went bad," he explained in a slightly posh tone giving Sirius the gracious choice to laugh it off and joke around with him or actually talk about it.

"Why don't they come themselves? Am I that scary?" he asked in a dry tone, unsure whether he wanted to joke around or actually talk yet.

"Terrifying. I think James admitted to wetting himself once at the mere thought of you," Remus teased easily as witty as always when given the option to be.

"You're a sarcastic asshole," Sirius gasped as if realizing this for the first time. Remus gave him a slightly lopsided smile in reply, that showed he was half glad Sirius was joking, and half worried he may have gone too far. "Perhaps more so than Peter," he added to assure Remus he was one hundred percent joking because Sirius couldn't think of a single person less of an asshole than Remus.

"Hey! I work hard for you to think this highly of me," he retorted, his grin getting a little bolder, his eyes dancing with mischief and hope that things could stay easy. But Sirius, as much as he wanted to let things stay simple and pleasant, wasn't about to let this golden opportunity pass. His conversation with Regulus went dreadfully, though it wasn't his fault in the slightest, and he'd sure feel a lot better if he could make something good come from this bloody afternoon.

"Remus." He grabbed his friend's hand, partly because he knew it would prevent the infamous bolting of Remus Lupin, and also because it just felt nice.

"Sirius I…"

"I don't want it to stay like this. No one does. James suggested letting it go completely so we can just have a jolly good time…..only I don't think you really did..., did you?"

Sirius realized that must have been what had felt so wrong when Remus had been so 'happy' and mischievous. Because just like it had felt wrong when Peter was telling that dreadful lie, it felt similar when he recalled the too tight and bright smiles Remus had given at the time. Remus flinched, his golden eyes flickering away from Sirius.

"I was just….trying to enjoy…..," Remus sighed, struggling to find the words and his eyes flickered back to Sirius looking pleading. "None of you were asking questions or attempting to force or trick information out of me and it was so nice."

"And if we question you again you'll just give up on us? Treat us like mere acquaintances you just happen to share a room with?" Sirius asked, partly angry, though mostly hurt. Remus looked away again with a helpless shrug giving an unenthusiastic tug away from Sirius who held on tight.

"No….well….I don't know. I just can't Sirius. I know you'll find out…"

"So tell us!"

"I…..I can't…."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, feeling desperate. "We were told you wouldn't be friends with us if we found out. What on earth would cause you to be so cruel to us?"

"It's not me that would be cruel!" Remus shouted back his tone defensive.

"Then who? You can't possibly mean we'd stop being friends with you because that's utter bollocks and…."

"You would," Remus whispered, sounding close to tears. "So please just let go because it hurts too much Sirius and I can't."

"So what? You push us away before we can push you away?"

Remus flinched and nodded and the anger Sirius had felt surface with his brother reared its ugly head again.

"Coward! You don't get to decide for us! You don't get to be such a selfish prick about it. We worry sick about you every time you disappear. We stay up, and worry, and talk, and even cry." He could tell he was making Remus uncomfortable and guilty but he couldn't seem to stop. "We've racked our brains and I know we're missing something obvious but none of us can figure out what. You can't expect us to leave it be and call ourselves your friends when you come back sick and hurt….."

"You already know about my dad."

"But that's not it!" Sirius shouted, stressed, and frustrated because how many nights had he laid awake wishing that was all that was going on with his friend but knowing there was more? "Or are you going to look me in the eyes and tell me your dad used crucio on you," he pressed and Remus tried to pull away hard this time fear filling his eyes.

"Sirius please…."

"And you don't say a single word about your sick mother. Did she die? We've all been too scared to ask. Too afraid we'd upset you thinking you'll tell us when you're ready but you never are ready are you! We're sick of it Remus. You're our dearest friend and how are we supposed to feel about this? What would you have us do? Other than have us forget about it, we'd do anything that would actually help to make this easier for you. We're your friends so treat us like it. Why don't you trust us still." Tears were rolling down Sirius' cheeks now, more frustration than sadness, though he supposed there was a lot of that as well.

Remus, as usual, had misty eyes but not a single teardrop fell. Sometimes Sirius thought if he could just get Remus to lose his composure and actually cry the truth would come spilling out with his tears.

"Sirius…."

"Remus! Please! I'm begging you! I am a proud and noble Black and I am literally begging you to stop doing this to us! To me!"

"Y….you'd hate me…." Remus replied weakly, though he sounded unsure, sounded a bit desperate himself so Sirius kept pushing realizing last year they hadn't considered what would happen if they pushed and pushed even past his disappearances and avoidances. They were so afraid of him distancing himself from their pushing, but he did that anyway, and Sirius couldn't take it anymore.

He could not stand this.

Not after seeing his friend shaking and huddled on the ground pale as death and closer to shedding tears than Sirius had ever seen him. He could not ignore this any longer, not after seeing the fear and pain, such pain, in his friend's eyes time and time again. He couldn't ignore it after seeing traces of bruises and scars peeking out from Remus' purposefully too-long sleeves that he kept down even when it meant getting them covered in potions.

Those damn sleeves that he kept so long even despite the way they would occasionally fall down and mess up his wand work, just enough to cause him frustration. Sirius Black was not patient by nature and he had been, he really had been so painfully patient.

But as he stood there confronting one of the most important people in his life he knew he just couldn't stand to be patient anymore.

"Just…...give me….until the end of the year…..then…...then I'll tell you…," Remus whispered sounding like he was being sent to the chopping block, while Sirius felt a swell of hope and relief well up in him.

He pulled his friend into a hug, because yes a year was a long ass time to wait, but knowing that Remus had actually decided to tell them was a victory in and of itself. Not that he planned to give up following Remus and calculating his disappearances in the hope of figuring it out sooner. Because a year was a really long time for an impatient boy to wait, sure. But it was an even longer time for one of his friends to live and worry over the fact that what he would tell them would result in his mind with them hating him.

Sirius would get to the bottom of it but it wasn't just curiosity driving him now, it was the overwhelmingly strong desire to prove to Remus that he was wrong, and for that Sirius simply could not wait a year.


	23. Chapter: Twenty-Three Glowing Golden Eyes

Chapter: Twenty-Three Glowing Golden Eyes

Remus never thought he'd be the sort of person to put all his hope into someone he didn't even know. But now his hope somehow ended up resting on Professor Corbyn's shoulder's, who didn't even know how much the lessons meant to Remus. However, his professor didn't let him down in his continued efforts to bring up point after point against the instilled prejudices. But the biases of Remus' fellow classmates always seemed to win out in the end.

Only those who had grown up in the Muggle world were able to realize the wisdom of their professor's words. Which really just meant Lily and...well him. However, it wasn't until one day later after class in which Professor Corbyn had been talking, that Remus realized the two people he thought his professor had successfully started to get through to were actually three.

.............................................

It's not that Remus had forgotten about Ryan. He just had a lot of other things on his mind and he really had suspected that Ryan would never actually contact him. However, Remus was pleased to be proven wrong, not that he was lacking for friends now that his roommates had agreed to wait until the end of the year. It's just that Remus liked Ryan quite a lot and he figured it couldn't hurt to make more friends in case the ones he had this year weren't around next year.

So, it was with great excitement that he went to the library that evening after Ryan had signaled him in class. It was strange to go there not to meet with Lily, who was at the library in a different section, but Ryan. Who upon realizing the library was too full to be an adequate meeting place suggested they take a walk instead.

Not wanting Sirius especially to catch Remus with a Slytherin he suggested that they go to an empty classroom instead. Remus didn't expect that to mean the astronomy tower but realized there was probably less of a risk that they'd run into anyone there, especially Slytherins who tended to spend their time on the opposite side of the castle.

"Sorry, I know I shouldn't care so much what they think but…."

"It's ok … really it is," Remus assured Ryan for the fifth time, as the boy kept apologizing for it taking nearly two months before they met up.

"Ok...I just…."

"I know Ryan, it's fine." Remus bit back a laugh, and Ryan, finally realizing he was being ridiculous, stopped apologizing.

"Well, that's good. It helps that I've made a friend in my own house, though we have to be careful we aren't seen as being too 'obstinate' to the older students in power."

"Really, who?" Remus asked excitedly, very grateful that Gryffindor wasn't at all like that. There were the prefects who had some power and the Quidditch captain, but there was no real hierarchy within his house.

"His name is Jacob. He's two years above us. You should know him though. I guess he's friends...or sort of friends with Patricia?" Remus shrugged and explained to Ryan the somewhat strange relationship he and his roommates had with the older student.

"So she's like their….mentor but mostly ignores you guys? How weird. I sort of wish the older Slytherins paid less attention to us. I mean...well they do to a lot of us...but I mean I wish they left all of us alone. It almost makes me feel bad for people like Severus if they weren't themselves so nasty."

Remus sighed understanding perfectly. He had been seeing a lot of Severus since he'd been seeing a lot of Lily. Overall the Slytherin had been...decent? But... it was hard for Remus to let go of what happened last year.

"Well, I'm glad Jacob is nice at least."

"Yeah, he's really into magical creatures and mysteries."

"Let me guess. He spends time in the forbidden forest?"

"Yeah," Ryan exclaimed in awe, "how'd you know that?"

Remus glanced around and hesitated, still not quite sure how much he could trust Ryan. Then again, if Ryan did tell someone maybe it meant that Remus and his roommates wouldn't have to go back to the forest at all.

"Because Patricia seems quite obsessed with it really. She even took my roommates and me there."

"Wow! Isn't that dangerous?"

Remus nodded and explained generically how it went, which ended up sounding sort of boring since he left out what happened with him and James altogether. However, Ryan didn't seem to find it boring at all.

"I wonder if there are dark creatures in the forest."

Remus stifled a groan and mentally came up with an excuse to leave, not wanting to hear the familiar 'methods of killing monsters' or 'coming up with the most dangerous ones' that he often heard from his roommates.

"Don't know," he replied shortly, hoping Ryan would get the hint.

"Oh sorry. Do you not like dark creatures?"

Remus' eyes widened at the odd question, and his heart skipping a beat with hope.

"You….you like them?" he asked, shocked, and Ryan misunderstanding, blushed in shame.

"Well…..I mean my family didn't, and seven weeks ago I sure as heck didn't. But….I mean you have to admit Professor Corbyn does a great job, and I mean it all makes sense….," Ryan trailed off uncertainly, clearly nervous about angering Remus with, what he assumed was, his differing opinion. Instead, Remus was thrilled and they lost track of the time discussing their professor's classes and what they thought it would take for their other classmates to come to the same, if not rather shaky, conclusions they had come to.

Then they talked about other classes and, careful not to upset one another, some events in the larger wizarding world. So that by the time they headed back it was already dark out.

"Only three more days until the guests arrive. I can't wait for that feast. I know it won't be like the Halloween Feast but everyone's talking about how it will probably be even better and we get two feasts the same week. I always love the decorations don't you?"

Remus nodded only half listening as they made their way through the halls. He hadn't given the guests much thought and was disappointed he'd most likely be missing it since he'd still probably be in the hospital ward, though at least he wouldn't miss the Halloween Feast this year.

Suddenly Remus, who had been scanning the halls nervously for any Slytherin or Gryffindor, saw Lily and Severus heading back from the library. Reacting quickly he grabbed Ryan and yanked him into a broom closet, heart hammering with worry for them both.

"W….what is it Remus?"

"Sorry Ryan, I saw Severus and Lily and…"

"Me too, but why drag us both in here?" Ryan sounded amused, not upset, and Remus felt his cheeks heat, realizing what a dumb move that had been.

"Sorry, I just reacted instinctively."

"Drag a lot of people into broom closets do you?" Ryan asked, now sounding quite delighted and proud of his teasing. Remus was about to give some retort but Severus and Lily passed by them and they caught a glimpse of what they were saying.

"I'm telling you, Lily, there is something off about Remus. His disappearances are strange and the fact he still hangs out with James…"

"Severus please, I just said it was a shame he couldn't join us today! Besides we've been through this so many times. Remus' mother is very sick and he visits her. That's why he's missing so much. Now I do question his sanity for hanging out with Black and Potter but he's stuck in a dorm with them so it's not like he can avoid them entirely. Besides, perhaps he's a good influence on them since they haven't pranked you or any other Slytherins yet," Lily pointed out with more patience than Remus thought he would have had. Their voices trailed off and Remus shifted uncomfortably knowing Ryan had heard exactly what he had.

"Your….mom?"

"I didn't want to tell them. I mean it's...I haven't told them she's dead yet," He replied truthfully and he could see Ryan nod beside him, then the boy let out an involuntary gasp.

"Blimey, your….your eyes."

Remus cursed internally and barely avoided touching his eyes this time. He tried to remain calm but his heart was hammering wildly, he had completely forgotten about his blasted eyes! After finding James in such a state he had put it far out of his mind, besides he was hoping it was….well a one time fluke?

"Potion I've been trying out," he replied quickly, his voice shaking slightly.

"I thought you were terrible at potions. Oh...sorry."

Remus laughed, glad he no longer sounded so nervous and was grateful that Ryan instead wasn't questioning what potion or asking to have some of it.

"It's fine. I am, but my roommates helped."

"Cool. Are….are we gonna leave the closet now? Or did you want to stay in it?" Ryan laughed and Remus nodded, still feeling shaky. He fiddled with the handle for a moment finding it hard to get his hand to function properly.

Then both of them stumbled into the light where thankfully Remus' eyes went back to their normal non-glowing state. He had completely forgotten to mention it to Madam Pomfrey when he saw her last month, being too upset by Peter to remember, and now it had happened again! He didn't know why or what but he knew he had to go talk to Madam Pomfrey immediately before one his friends did something else stupid and he forgot again.

"Remus you ok?….Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable with the joke…."

"Huh? No, no, it's fine. You have the parchment now so we can stay in touch better."

"Yeah sounds good," Ryan replied quickly, still sounding worried, though Remus couldn't understand why. Remus thought he was doing a pretty good job at staying outwardly calm and he already forgot what Ryan's joke had even been. He didn't want to but he really did have to talk to Madam Pomfrey as soon as possible.

His last transformation had been no worse than usual but if this was something that could make his transformations more violent or something then she needed to know, and they only had until tomorrow night before he transformed again. But honestly, Remus just needed her to know in order for her to tell him it was nothing or normal because even if it didn't affect his transformation Remus had had enough of him changing to last a lifetime.

"I'll see you later then?"

"Oh... Yeah ok."

"Bye Ryan."

"Bye Remus."

He thought Ryan sounded a little put-off and hoped his quick departure hadn't offended him.

But it was stressful anyways for Remus walking with him throughout the halls. For one, Remus didn't want to explain a Slytherin friend, and second, he was very worried Ryan's consequences would be much worse than his own if they were found out. Sighing, he went right to Madam Pomfrey, still feeling jittery. He found her scolding some Hufflepuff whose arm was bent the wrong way on the importance of proper flying safety.

"Honestly that sport fills half my ward every year," she was muttering to herself restacking a little trolley with draughts and healing potions as if it had personally affronted her "….Oh, Remus! Darling how are you? A bit early aren't you?" she asked, brightening up upon seeing him.

"Alright, Madam Pomfrey and no it's not that. I was actually wondering….well if you're not too busy could….could we talk for a moment?" he asked timidly wishing she would remember to always treat him like a 'normal' student, especially when other people were in the ward.

"Of course dear," she replied, gesturing subtly to the private room reserved just for him. He went back there feeling self-conscious, and odd being in the little room prior to his monthly visits. Sitting on the bed he swung his feet and waited for the Matron.

"I don't think it's normal for werewolves to have glowing eyes. So I'm a freak even by werewolf standard?" he thought to himself but had to stop because it was rather counterproductive in helping him calm down and he didn't want to panic more than he already was.

"Sorry about the wait. Quidditch season has started and my work goes up even before the games begin," she tisked, "now what's going on?"

"I uh…...didn't really know who else to talk to….," he began awkwardly. Madam Pomfrey gave him a look of dry amusement.

"Well out with it. You can't imagine the things I've heard," she shook her head sighing heavily, "especially from young boys going through puberty." Remus felt his face go hot.

"N...nothing like that!" he yelped, blushing further as she laughed.

"Calm down. Didn't mean to scare you. Changes to your body are completely natural you know and all the confusing feelings that come with it."

Remus picked up the pillow on his bed and buried his face into it resisting the urge to scream in horror.

"Madam Pomfrey please stop! It's not that at all!" he groaned, causing her to laugh once more.

"Oh, I'm just teasing you. You're a bit young for that yet. But you can talk to me about anything at all Remus, you ought to know that by now."

He did know that, sort of...well within reason. He couldn't tell Madam Pomfrey about his dad and he'd rather die before talking to her about….about 'natural changes'. He shuddered again, determined not to go through puberty himself.

He already changed enough once a month so it was only fair he didn't have to go through the rest, thank you very much.

When Madam Pomfrey sat quietly for a few minutes Remus realized it was safe and peeked past his pillow, the Matron regarding him seriously. He took a deep breath, his cheeks still feeling warm. He realized he had to tell her… there really was no way around it.

"So what is it dear?"

Remus took another deep breath, but somehow now found it easier to talk to her now.

"My eyes... glow in the dark…..I don't know why. I haven't drunk a potion or anything," he concluded, watching her eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Well….Remus," she began sounding a bit awkward.

This coming from the woman who just mentioned puberty to him without so much as blinking!

He squeezed his pillow tighter, his worst fears confirmed.

"It's a….a werewolf thing isn't it?"

"Well let's get you properly checked out and we will see," she retorted, back to her usual briskness which brought him some comfort. He let her poke and prod him and drank what she handed him for a few hours before all the tests concluded what he knew all along.

Madam Pomfrey came to sit by his bed taking his hand in her own, a normally comforting gesture that did nothing for him at the moment. His head was suddenly pounding and his heart felt far too tight for comfort in his chest.

"Remus darling, not much is known about young werewolves, they…."

"Are usually killed or grow up off the radar. Yes, I know Madam Pomfrey. It's all been explained to me."

"Good. Then you'll know that it's... possible there are... differences between growing up being a werewolf and becoming one as an adult."

Remus nodded biting his lip so he didn't start crying. Madam Pomfrey patted his hands clearly knowing this was very scary for him to think about.

He still remembered his father sitting him down shortly before his mom passed away, it had been one of the worst transformations yet, and his father had told Remus that it may get worse and he had to be strong for them. Even when he was little the transformations caused a lot of damage to his body which he had seen clearly in the x-rays he'd been given by Muggle doctors in his mother's frantic attempts to make him better, looking anywhere she could for answers.

"There was a young girl in Germany….." he could hear his voice but it sounded distant and high pitched to him. He could remember his mother and father fighting for weeks once Lyall realized that Hope had taken Remus to a Muggle doctor, they had had to move after that.

"I've read her case dear," Madam Pomfrey squeezed his hands tight.

"But….but she was a Muggle…...someone…." Remus sniffed tears in his eyes, "someone needs to figure out….. I mean it's possible some of the older werewolves were bitten young but none of them will admit it….."

"I've spoken to a few Maziologist experts and they agree that your senses could be heightened more….or…."

"Or my eyes glow?"

"Yes, I suppose. Wolves have night vision after all, not that you are one dear, you just may….share a few characteristics…since you um….since you and the wolf are growing at the same time."

Remus nodded feeling rather numb.

"Should….should I write to my father? This isn't 'normal' werewolf characteristics is it?" He looked away from the Matron's sad expression.

"I think it's best if I call Dumbledore dear. He has done more research and has been to more countries in general than I have."

Remus sat up straighter and wiped his eyes not wanting to appear so childish in front of the headmaster. He realized he hadn't spoken to Dumbledore since last year and felt a hint of nervousness as Madam Pomfrey called out 'Albus' in a loud voice.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four: Fire, Earth or Water

Chapter Twenty-Four: Fire, Earth or Water

There was a crack and suddenly Dumbledore was there, looking not at all surprised to see Remus.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin, how are you this evening?" he asked as if expecting the three of them to sit down for tea and crumpets.

"Alright, sir. You?" he answered without thinking because Remus knew he currently was not all right. He hated being reminded how alone he was in this, how unknown it all still was, and how his monthly transformations could somehow dominate his life more than it already did!

"Very busy, so I do so enjoy an excuse to leave my work. Staying out of trouble Remus?"

"Mostly sir." He tried to force a small smile but his lips seemed frozen in a neutral expression as if bracing themselves for any possibility.

"Good. If you did entirely that would be incredibly dull, wouldn't it."

Remus nodded, still finding himself unable to grin, even as Madam Pomfrey shot Dumbledore a most displeased look muttering something about 'men'.

"I suppose so sir."

"Everything alright with Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Black, and Mr. Potter?"

His headmaster continued to speak as if he couldn't plainly see something was wrong with Remus. He nodded his head at those twinkling eyes trying to find comfort in them, Dumbledore at least would know what to do.

"Good, I heard from a very upset Minerva that there was...an altercation?"

"It was nothing sir," he replied quickly, perhaps a bit too quickly. Sharp blue eyes narrowed just slightly, peering down at him above half-moon glasses. "Just a….misunderstanding," he explained, trying to sound more casual about it.

"Yes, well friends are one of life's most precious gifts, Remus. I recommend you keep your friends close, and you never know, they may surprise you."

Remus, like usual, when speaking to Dumbledore, wasn't entirely sure what he meant but nodded as if he did.

"Good. Now then, having some difficulties, are we?"

Remus glanced at Madam Pomfrey who motioned for him to go on with an encouraging smile. Taking a deep breath Remus explained what was going on once more, somehow finding it even harder to explain than the first time.

"Yes, well that's perfectly normal Remus.''

A breath Remus didn't know he had been holding escaped him and he felt his too tense body, wound up like a coil ready to snap, sag in relief. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Madam Pomfrey shoot Dumbledore a sharp look but he quickly put it out of his mind. He knew Dumbledore wouldn't lie to him after all.

"Thank you, sir."

"Professor or just Dumbledore, Remus. Yes, you may experience other changes, and no matter how insignificant they seem you must tell them to Madam Pomfrey immediately alright?"

Remus felt a hint of doubt creep into him, if it was so normal why keep such close track of every difference. But that was a traitorous thought, he owed Dumbledore his life and he wouldn't doubt the man unless he gave him good cause to, very good cause to.

"Of course sir….ah Professor."

Dumbledore smiled at him, his eyes dancing with amusement, which gave Remus comfort. Of course, he had overacted, of course, it was normal.

Besides, if there really was something wrong with Remus surely his headmaster wouldn't be popping a piece of candy into his mouth and talking about other topics.

Because that's exactly what Dumbledore did. One minute they were discussing the completely normal, despite Remus never having heard of such a thing, changes in adolescent werewolves, and the next moment he somehow ended up playing Dumbledore in chess.

Madam Pomfrey fetched them tea with a huff, probably only because she didn't want to be treated like a maid. She did seem unusually overly irritated at the headmaster though...

Once more Remus had to shove down the nagging feeling Dumbledore either wasn't as informed as he'd like to believe or was deliberately not telling the truth. It was much more likely Dumbledore had uncovered this information in his travels and with his exceptional wit, both of which Remus' parents hadn't been privy to while he was growing up. Yes, that must be it.

"If you don't focus on the game Mr. Lupin you won't do very well," Dumbledore said lightly and Remus diverted his attention back to the chess pieces. He didn't think he had much of a chance of winning against Dumbledore but it was an exciting opportunity getting to play him and he was going to give it his all.

However, like Remus thought it quickly became apparent he had no hope of winning. But the way Dumbledore was peering at him it was like he was testing to see if Remus would continue strong, so he did. They talked about the visitors coming and Dumbledore 'let slip', with a wink, that the first task would involve the Black Lake.

"Why the Black Lake?"

"Well Mr. Lupin, this is the first time in a very long time that we are attempting the tournament and it is sort of like...a trial run if you will. No press allowed for the first competition since we want to make sure things are running smoothly. If all three tasks proceed well then chances are we'll see the tournament again in another four years."

Remus nodded patiently already having had Lily explain this to him.

"So all the schools are being careful about the first task since they want it to at least last that long?"

"Quite right. Hogwarts' Black Lake is a place I have a great deal of control over."

"But why not have it in the castle?" Remus asked, confused, having stopped listening as Sirius and James went on and on about past tasks. He assumed there was a pattern but he had been too tired at the times to properly listen.

"Well, it is tradition that each test incorporates either fire, earth, or water in no specific order. It's an unspoken tradition and it leaves lots of room for creativity and differences between the tasks but not having those elements would make those who scoff upon the idea of this tournament do so even more."

"Is….is it a good idea s...Dumbledore?"

"I assume you mean with the timing."

Remus nodded, unable to not find it odd that there would be a contest in the midst of a brewing war.

"Well I believe now is exactly the right time. We need to band together to be stronger and some friendly competition can do just that."

"This isn't about the tournament at all!" Remus gasped finally understanding.

Dumbledore chuckled replying innocently 'he hadn't the faintest clue what he meant.' But Remus was sure he was right and it suddenly all made sense, he couldn't wait to tell his friends about the first task and what real purpose the tournament held.

"Oh my look at the time. I believe that is a checkmate for me anyways. Good game but I must go or Professor Corbyn will be irritated with me. Pip pip."

"Sir why…."

But Remus didn't get to ask why Dumbledore was meeting with the DADA Professor since the headmaster was gone with a pop before he could even get the word 'why' out.

…...

"So we have to be careful, agreed?"

Sirius nodded only half listening as James once more repeated the rules about tailing Remus.

Who had made him the boss?

Peter sat on his bed wisely not pointing out that he wasn't coming. Sirius had sort of...maybe forgiven him... only not quite.

At least he wasn't glaring or insulting the boy anymore, he was just….ignoring him a bit. Well, he deserved it! Sirius' eyes met Peter's who looked hopeful. 'Everyone makes mistakes, Sirius. You say you're mature, well this is a good way to prove it,' came Remus' voice in his mind as clearly as if he was standing in the room. Sirius scowled, Peter, flinching and looking away, then he sighed knowing, deep down, Remus, as per usual, was right.

"If you continue your training Peter maybe if we fail this time you can come next time," he mumbled, if anything he was being too nice to Peter who deserved much worse.

Of course, it was all Remus' fault in the first place for making forgiving Peter something of a challenge. Peter's pudgy little face lit up with excitement and Sirius continued pacing the room with Elvis curled up on his head.

"Which you might have a good shot at Peter. Since it's possible Remus is already gone. It's only a few minutes until curfew and he isn't back yet," he muttered, aware of the fact he sounded like an anxious mother even before James smirked at him.

"Relax Sirius I'm sure he was with Lily. See that's probably him now."

Sirius was both annoyed and relieved that the footsteps up the stairs turned out to indeed be Remus. Their friend looked a little flush as if he had rushed back quickly, the swat was probably worried about being out past curfew even though he did it with them often.

"Guys you won't believe what I learned…!"

It was unusual to see Remus look so excited to tell them something, so obviously he immediately had their undivided attention. Sirius listened to Remus explain how he had just run into Dumbledore out of nowhere, which was odd but then again the headmaster was quirky, and what he had told him about the tournament.

No wonder he was so excited!

"Wow! So you reckon if we investigate the lake tomorrow night we can figure out clues to help whoever the Hogwarts champion will be?" James asked excitedly, all of them, well at least he and James, still secretly hoping the champion would be them despite the age restriction.

Because how cool would that be!

"Why tomorrow night?" Remus asked with a slight, nearly untraceable, edge to his voice. So, it was tomorrow night, was it?

Whatever it was.

Remus seemed to realize he had reacted too strongly since he tried to backtrack.

"I only mean why not go tonight?"

"Remus are you suggesting we break the rules!" Peter gasped and while Remus turned his attention to the one friend who hadn't picked up on the implication of tomorrow night, James shot Sirius a look that clearly said hold your tongue.

It was hard to but he wasn't about to ask questions now, not after spending another whole month being oh so good so they could finally, finally, figure out what was happening to their friend.

"Well, I just….."

"We are training them well aren't we James!" Sirius gushed, perhaps a tad bit too dramatic even for him, but he knew if he kept quiet a moment longer he was going to fold and ask Remus what the hell was going on with him.

"Yes quite well, I believe they are ready for phase two!"

Peter, who had already received some personal 'training' from James and Sirius, looked downright terrified, while Remus just rolled his eyes though he relaxed slightly.

"Phase two! YOU can't mean…..!" Sirius feigned horror, giggling as Peter swayed looking a little ill.

"Yes I think it's finally time," James replied, his tone now grave.

Peter, it seemed, couldn't take anymore and he let out a squeak of horror clamping his sweaty palms over his ears. Remus who seemed a bit distracted finally noticed who the target of their teasing had become and frowned in disapproval.

"Oh come off it you two! Peter, they are only joking. There is no phase two."

"Pretty sure phase two is locking Peter and Marlene in a closet and…."

"Enough!" Remus snapped and James trailed off looking startled.

In fact, they all looked at him startled, it's not like Remus hadn't chewed them out or lost his temper on them before. But usually, it was because they were honestly being arses, they were just teasing Peter who…. Then Sirius noticed tears trailing down Peter's cheeks and immediately felt bad.

"Peter I'm sorry. Marlene isn't good enough for you anyways," James quickly pointed out looking uncomfortable as Remus wrapped his arm around Peter comforting him. Peter shifted and wailed into Remus' chest and Sirius felt a tinge of jealousy, but only because….well he wasn't quite sure why.

He didn't think he was jealous of Peter and Marlene who now sat together in potions and who had been spending a lot of time together. Sirius wasn't aware of Marlene rejecting Peter or anything so maybe he was just irritated by his friend's unnecessary tears, that must be it.

"She will never like me! I don't even know why I bother!" wailed the, it seemed, helplessly in love boy. Sirius chanced a glance at James who still adamantly denied feeling anything besides utter loathing for Lily, but who looked a bit pale.

"That's not true Peter. She likes you quite a bit."

"Yeah," Sirius cut in, "in fact, you should invite her to the dance thingy happening with the visitors," he suggested seriously, figuring Peter being a bit obnoxious over getting a girlfriend first was, at the very least, better than this.

"It's called the Yule Ball Sirius," Remus pointed out patiently, rubbing Peter's back who sat beside him stiff sniffling but had calmed down quickly.

"You really think so?" he asked in an uncertain voice, his cheeks a bit pink. James glanced at Sirius and subtly rolled his eyes, which only probably wasn't subtly enough since Remus shot them a sharp look.

"Yeah, Peter, sure do. Only don't become a complete and utter twat once you get a girlfriend first."

Peter gave a half-smile.

"No promises," he teased then excused himself to the bathroom, probably to wipe his now horribly runny nose.

"What is his deal lately?" he asked once he was sure the sound of running water would mask his voice. For a second he thought Remus was going to snap at them again, he seemed sort of...jittery for some reason. But instead, his friend sighed heavily.

"You two ought to be nicer to him. I won't tell you what he told me. But he isn't crying about Marlene."

James raised an eyebrow in question of Remus' sanity because it was quite clear Peter had been crying about that. Remus blushed, biting his lip slightly as he pondered how to explain better to them.

"Well, he was but only not really. I mean…...look he's upset about other things and this….Marlene just….tips the scale. You should ask him how he's doing…," Remus' voice lowered so they could barely hear him as the water turned off, "about his dad. Especially you Sirius since he still thinks you hate him."

"Well to be fair…" Sirius began in a teasing manner, earning a very unamused look from Remus and a chortle from James.

Then Peter was back and they all sort of dropped it, setting about doing their homework and all of them suddenly growing very concerned as Remus announced briskly he was going to bed

before it was even nine.

So they were forced to pack up their scrolls and quills and move down into the common room where homework was forgotten as they instead whispered nervously and excitedly about tomorrow, all of them swapping ridiculous ideas about what their friend's secret could be.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five: Standoff and Knocked Out

Chapter Twenty-Five: Standoff and Knocked Out

Owls filled the air the next morning, the sheer number of them meant more people than usual were getting mail today. But Sirius who had given up on ever expecting his parents to send him anything didn't even bother to look up. James read out loud his letter from his parents which included well wishes and treats for all four of them. Peter's mom asked him a lot of questions about his grades and apparently, one of his uncles was traveling and sent him a postcard of dragons which Peter bragged about. Then a small unassuming owl landed in front of Sirius and he wasted no time in ripping open the letter, very grateful it was not a howler from his mom, though even that might be preferable to getting absolutely nothing.

Dear Sirius,

I hope you are well. I wanted to let you know that I am now the mother of one adorable baby girl, meaning you are now officially an uncle, more or less. An honorary one at least. Show this to anyone else in our family though and I won't be able to send you more updates. And yes, that includes showing your brother. This is not my real address but please send letters here as I will get the letter eventually. Tell me how you are doing and all about Regulus. Can't believe he's already in Hogwarts! Anyways you better fill me and Nymphadora (yes that's her name and no I will not change it no matter how you plead.) in. If you behave maybe, just maybe, you can visit her (as long as you promise not to corrupt my precious baby).

Love Dommie.

Somewhere along the lines, after his first squeal of happiness, James had leaned over to read over his shoulder.

"Congrats mate," he called cheerfully, slapping Sirius on the back.

"What is it?" Peter asked curiously, nearly falling into the pudding in his attempt to lean over the table. Remus, who either picked up the unnerving ability to read minds suddenly or had just done the math, grinned.

"It's your cousin, isn't it. Oh, that's wonderful Sirius."

He looked up at his friend's attempt at a smile on his far to pale face today. He looked ill but Sirius could tell he was truly happy for him which he appreciated. He dumped the envelope expecting something more and his excitement lowered just slightly, at finding nothing else.

"Yeah, it is wonderful, really the best! But she didn't send any bloody pictures. I must be allowed to properly gush over my perfect niece," he sighed dramatically, flinging himself back into James just as he was about to take a bite of toast, nearly making them both topple backward off their bench.

"You tw…"

"Hand it over Sirius."

He would have toppled backward this time if not for James quickly pulling him upright so the upside-down image of his annoying cousin righted itself.

"Weeeeeell good mooooorning to you Sissy," he replied to her with an obnoxious grin holding the paper tightly in his first. Her eyes darted to it then back to him.

"I said hand it over you annoying little toe rag," she snapped, her 'perfectly pampered face' darkened with a scowl of someone who had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. Her hand was held out as if she really expected him to just hand over the letter, and Sirius felt his temper flare.

She had already been holding Regulus over his head by not letting him see him every week even though he'd been so very good. How dare she demand his mail, she didn't have one ounce of real authority over him.

And he'd make sure she damn well knew it.

"I'm not giving it to you so you can go crawl back into whatever hole the creature's shit you smeared on your face came from."

James stifled giggles and Sirius put a very smug look on his face as his cousin's face grew splotchy with embarrassment.

"Oooooo you annoying cretin. Just give me Andromeda's letter NOW!"

That took Sirius by surprise.

"How do you know it's from her?" he asked, thinking through which of the Gryffindors, excluding his mates obviously, was her nasty little spy.

"Because, you imbecile, no one else would write to you."

"Piss off Sissy, it's just Uncle Alphie. And for your information, I have three secret Muggle girlfriends who send me sappy love letters constantly, not that it's any of your business."

Narcissa rolled her eyes, which Sirius found hurtful because he damn well could have three secret Muggle girlfriends if he wanted to. In fact, he considered getting one just to piss off his mother, maybe then she'd finally talk to him.

"Fine, but if you hear from Andromeda you better bloody tell me."

Sirius sneered at her in response.

"Careful Sissy, a proper lady doesn't speak like that," he taunted her knowing how much a reference to her stifling lessons would irk her. Instead, she seemed to deflate slightly which almost made him feel bad for saying it. She looked like she did when she first found out her marriage would be arranged by the family. "But fuck those rules," he added. Because really all of their family rules sucked, and Narcissa looked a bit surprised, perhaps even appreciative for a fraction of a second, then scowled.

"Maybe if you did less of that you could actually be a prominent member of our noble family instead of a traitor."

Sirius lost any chance he had at maybe feeling a bit bad for the crap their 'oh so noble family' put her through.

"You….,"

She cut him off with infuriating ease.

"I don't have time to spend on your depressing loser existence. When you stop playing around with your life let me know. Your mother has decided you and Regulus will be spending your break with a private tutor in order to teach you both manners," she replied cooly, and Sirius forgot to be mad.

"Regulus too? What did he do?"

He hadn't seen his brother, mostly since he'd stopped sort of stalking him since their last meeting didn't go well. It was Sissy's turn to look smug.

"Doesn't matter. It seems like you'll see him at Christmas break so I guess you'll find out then."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but once more she cut him off.

"Anyways if you hear from Drommie you better let me know."

Sirius glared at her, all the hate he felt for his sick nasty family directed at her since she was the one that was there and antagonizing him.

"Even if Andromeda died I'd never tell you a thing. I'll take every last letter of hers to my grave and you'll never find her, never see her again, never speak to her again. YOU betrayed her," he snarled, fully expecting, and hoping, she'd slap him so she could get her ass sent to detention. Instead, something close to grief flashed through her eyes, which must have been imagined on his part, and she spun around leaving quickly.

"Good Riddance! A fat lot of help you all were," he snapped, rounding on his friends. Peter straightened from hiding under the table and James just shrugged and continued buttering his toast. Sirius noticed though there was far too much butter since James hardly liked any, which hinted that his friend had been stressed and paying attention which made Sirius feel a bit better.

"You said I couldn't hex her and I'm not getting involved in your messy family business. Besides you seemed to handle her well enough."

Sirius wanted to be annoyed at James but figured his friend had been ready to have his back if needed and appreciated his vote of confidence too. He turned his sharp gaze to Remus, figuring out of all his friends he'd have interjected, only his friends' eyes seemed glazed and he looked altogether even more unwell than he had moments before.

"Remus?"

"Sorry…..," he mumbled, "should have….said something…"

Sirius shared a worried glance with James. They had classes to attend today, meaning as today was Friday they'd have to suffer through another hour and a half of collecting the goo in shrive figs meaning they'd need to shower afterwards several times to get the smell of rotten cabbages off of them. Only looking at Remus who already looked a bit green, Sirius figured whatever was going on with his friend he wouldn't make it through that class and certainly not Double Potions today either. Remus always seemed to barely make it through potions, even with Lily now sitting next to him.

"It's ok mate. You wanna go back to the dorm? I finished eating," James offered, earning a grateful look from Remus.

"I'll come too," Sirius immediately replied and Peter gave him a hurt look.

"But I haven't finished eating," the smaller boy protested a sausage hanging off his fork.

"Then finish first and meet us there."

Peter still looked upset until Sirius leaned in and whispered this would be a good time for him to sit next to Marlene. He hoped Marlene wouldn't be mean to Peter, who he still thought was just being a cry baby about it all no matter what Remus said, but he also hoped that she wouldn't date him either.

Together he and James helped Remus, who was staggering with exhaustion despite being the last to wake, back upstairs where he collapsed into his bed falling asleep with his shoes still on.

"I'm really worried about him. I think he's sick, Probably not going anywhere this month."

Sirius had to agree, it didn't look like Remus was getting off the bed let alone disappearing to whatever mysterious place he went.

"Should we wake him for classes?" Sirius asked going over to Remus and taking off his trainers using a blanket off his bed, since Remus was laying atop all his own, to cover him up.

"If we even can," James scoffed.

Once Peter returned a few minutes later they set about doing their homework for Herbology, that they were supposed to have already done, normally finishing it a mere hour before class. It usually wasn't a problem since they'd have Remus to help them but they found themselves out of luck, barely having started the blasted things by the time they left for class.

"We should have woken him," Peter groaned.

"I've never seen him so tired and my mum says that sleep can be a defense against sickness so he probably really needs it," James explained.

"No, I meant we should have woken him ages ago to help. I don't fancy detention," Peter exclaimed and they all laughed knowing that it would take a lot more than a half-assed assignment for Professor Sprout of all people to give them detention.

"Last one there is a rotten dragon egg," Sirius shouted, taking off at a run.

"More like an infected shrivel drake." James pointed out gleefully, leaving Peter to trail behind as the three of them left their sleeping friend to sleep alone.

…...

As Sirius predicted Herbology ended in repeated showers for them, all of them letting out a sigh of relief when they found Remus still sleeping like the dead.

"I call the first shower!" James shouted, slamming the door loudly in his haste to get there first. Normally Remus would have been up if not stirring at just the sound of them entering the room, but this time even the slamming door didn't wake him.

"Peter, did you overdose him with the sleeping draught?" he asked worriedly, going over to sit on Remus' bed long enough to make sure his friend was actually still breathing.

"No, the same amount as always," replied Peter who had gotten very good at slipping Remus the nightly potion that prevented him from having nightmares and sleepwalking afterward, well lessened anyways. In other words, it allowed the rest of them at least to get some sleep.

"Weird. Well, we definitely don't need to wake him for potions. Let's go downstairs though since it's odd being in here while he's sleeping."

Peter nodded in agreement and after showers they passed the time with several games of exploding snap before lunch.

Then they went to potions which went well, no exploding cauldrons at least. Then dinner time came and went, and afterward, they played outside, came up with pranks for the Slytherins since Sirius was done not giving them what was due, and convinced some first-year Gryffindor that the toilets on the third floor would eat them if they sat down. By the time they finally returned to their dorm... Remus was still fast asleep.

"Think we should wake him now? He's slept the whole day."

"Who slept the whole day?" Lily asked, being her usually nosy self. Of course, this meant that James suddenly lost the ability to speak and since Sirius was still cross at her Peter was forced to explain, though he didn't really pay attention to what he told her, wondering if he should throw things at James to knock him out of his stupor.

"What!?"

Sirius stopped watching to see if he could see the brain cells escaping out of James' ears as his friend had once more seemed to lose all function, and turned his attention to Lily who had gone very pale.

Before Sirius could ask her what her problem was she was dashing away up into the boys' dorms of all things!

"Oi!' Sirius shouted after her but she didn't stop. He kicked James' leg roughly. "I think she's going to wake Remus."

"But why? I mean it's weird he slept all day but she looked so alarmed," Peter pointed out frowning.

"Huh? Well….I mean Lily worries about everything so that's probably….," James quit talking though as Remus came running down the stairs as if someone was chasing him. Sirius started laughing since he figured it was Lily and he was escaping her nagging. Only Remus didn't run over to them with either disapproval at them letting him sleep all day or worry at what he had missed. No, instead he ran right out the portrait nearly running into it as it opened in his haste.

Sirius knew something was wrong even before Lily came back down trying to look calm and nonchalant.

"Come on!" he called out to James who didn't need to be told twice and was on Sirius' tail, the two of them narrowly missing Lily who looked like she had been about to chew them out for something. Well, he supposed Peter would have to suffer through her nagging alone, poor guy. He would have even let Peter come with them, only their friend knew what they were doing and that he wasn't supposed to come so he hadn't even tried.

"Hurry James," Sirius muttered, running through the hall as James fumbled with his bag, trying to tug out the invisibility cloak he had luckily stored in it all day, tucked away safely between his two textbooks.

"In here," James instructed quickly, dragging Sirius around a corner into a hidden little alcove throwing the cloak over them before they continued. It was getting late, about six, so there weren't too many students not in their dorms or still outside. It made their chance of finding Remus slightly better, but only just.

"Sirius, I don't see him," James gasped after they had run around the whole school a good three times.

"Shh, I'm looking."

"Sirius we weren't fast enough."

"Shut up James if we just…"

"Sirius."

He knew James was right and he tore off the cloak, screaming in frustration, and caused two Ravenclaw first years to scream in horror and run away.

"Let's go back," James said, gently touching Sirius' arm. Scowling Sirius followed James, his mood bleak. They found Lily still lecturing Peter about something which soon became apparent as they got closer.

"Honestly Peter it's very irresponsible to let your friend sleep through classes."

"Is that why he ran out of here like a bat out of hell?" James asked, sounding dubious. Apparently, his current concern for Remus trumped getting distracted by Lily.

"Yes, I told him we had a potions project due, and if he hurried Slughorn would probably let him make it up."

"That's why he won't return for several nights then?" Sirius asked angrily, knowing that Lily knew and that she knew he knew she knew. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"If he goes to visit his mother afterward then that's his business."

"Because he'd choose to go now and miss the visitors arriving tomorrow?" James asked, sounding angry too.

Maybe now he'd believe that Sirius knew that Lily knew something they didn't. Or maybe not, his friend could be such a stubborn fool sometimes, especially if it had something even remotely to do with Lily.

"Again that's between him and his parents," she sniffed, though looked a bit uncomfortable now and walked away from them before they could interrogate her further. Peter slumped letting out a heavy sigh.

"Lily can be nice but she can also be…."

"An arse…"

"I was going to say stubborn…"

"That too," Sirius muttered wondering if there was some way he could just get her to tell them. "James would you be opposed if we used truth serum on her?"

To his credit, James only hesitated just slightly before shooting down the idea. There had to be some way though, there just had to be.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six: Consequences

Chapter Twenty-Six: Consequences

Remus had never been so ashamed in his life than when he arrived barely in time for Madam Pomfrey to bustle him to the tree. She had looked so disappointed in him that it seemed to physically slice him to pieces. He cried as she lectured him not even asking what had happened until they reached the Shrieking Shack with very little time to spare.

"Whatever happened Remus better never happen again I don't care what homework assignment was due or what game you were playing with your friends you can't ever cut it that close again young man, do you hear me."

"I was asleep! It might be another werewolf thing," he cried out horrified, because how was he supposed to be responsible if he couldn't seem to stay awake! "I took a sleeping potion last night to…."

"You did what?" Madam Pomfrey asked, surprised.

"I didn't steal one honest. I asked Frank for one so I didn't have to come all the way here again after bothering you. He's a very nice prefect so when I woke him at one in the morning he wasn't even angry he just gave me one, not that I'll ever ask him again since that would be suspicious, only my head hurt so bad and I was so tired and…"

"Remus! Remus."

He stopped his panic rambling realizing she didn't look cross with him anymore, though he couldn't see why. Sleeping wasn't an excuse for putting the lives of everyone in the Gryffindor common room at risk, he shuddered and more tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Remus darling, I'm sorry I should have realized you'd never. Oh, dear…"

"Madam Pomfrey you have to leave now," he gasped out, his anxiety over her being here still, reaching a painful point as he was forced to contemplate how close he had come to killing his friends. If it hadn't been for Lily..., only why had she woken him?

But he wasn't about to ponder that now...he couldn't go there right now.

"We'll talk after dear. I'm sorry I should have asked..."

He nodded, only half paying attention. She knew how he got with people being near him this close to transforming, even if he still had fifteen minutes to moonrise it felt like he only had three seconds. She gave him one last sad look knowing he was no longer really listening to her and left him to his tears and fears.

He collapsed against the floorboards sobbing, his fingernails clawing at the wood as the sheer shame crashed against him like a wave.

Stupid human stupid human feelings. My turn shut up, it's my turn.

He could see their dead mangled bodies so clearly when he closed his eyes. How many times had he dreamt about ripping them to shreds and this time he had actually come terribly close to doing just that. Surely Dumbledore or Madam Pomfrey would have done something if he hadn't appeared in time... right? It looked like Madam Pomfrey had been about to go get him herself even if that would have raised a lot of questions. Better that though than becoming a murderer.

Shut up with your puny insignificance. STOP FIGHTING

The angry growl reverberated against his skull and he felt something split deep inside him. He shuddered against the pain as his body began to change, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He didn't bother talking back to the angry voice that demanded blood demanded he silence his mind.

His screams turned to howls, the sadness he was feeling becoming for a few minutes a beautiful melody of anguish before the anger, the blood-red rage of being trapped of the smell of human driving him crazy took over completely, and all Remus could remember was the pain and blood until the wolf finally tired itself out from the raging and the tearing of flesh.

…...

Sirius stayed up all night pacing, well he tried to. He had gone through all of Remus' belongings for a clue, anything! James finally agreeing it was warranted. But if Remus kept a log of his disappearances or a journal or anything of significance he must know better than to keep it with his things. Finding nothing in the trunk he had searched the room ignoring James' comment that he was like a Niffler on a trail.

Only Sirius was pretty sure Nifflers were supposed to find gold and he had found, well….nothing. It was so infuriating. He figured if he stayed up pacing all night he could solve the nagging feeling at the back of his head, telling him he somehow already knew the answer. But that was stupid because if he knew it then he would know it, and he still remained hopelessly lost.

…...

"Sirius….Sirius get up."

He woke with a jolt, dangling off his bed where he had passed out after hours of pacing and driving himself crazy: both Peter and James looked well-rested and eager to get down to breakfast. It took Sirius' exhausted mind a few minutes to realize why.

"Oh!"

"Yeah oh," Peter laughed grinning ear to ear.

The visitors were arriving today!

Sirius quickly threw on clothes to Peter and James' taunting they'd leave him behind if he didn't hurry. They all left their dorm thinking and speaking of Remus for a while, just a short while.

Sirius wasn't done by a long shot but there wasn't a whole lot they could do until next month. In the meantime, though they could distract themselves with exotic students, the rumors making them barely sound human. Well if they weren't he supposed Professor Corbyn could use them in class.

"Hurry Sirius or we really will leave you behind."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he barked, tugging on his shoe and hurrying after them.

When they arrived the Great Hall was abuzz with anticipation. Sirius was tired and anxious for the visitors to arrive, in fact, all conversation seemed to revolve around that and there was a hush throughout as if everyone was subconsciously being quiet so they could hear when the visitors arrived.

Then the mail arrived and the chatter picked up a bit as people collected letters from family members. Sirius was busy discussing the rumored beauty of the Beauxbaton students when something fell in front of him.

"Stupid owls they can't even deliver….." he trailed off as dread filled him. "No," he whispered in disbelief.

"Yeah that's what I'm saying there's no way…...on…..," James trailed off, noticing what had suddenly made Sirius lose the rest of his already sparse appetite.

"Best get it over with mate…"

"Shut up!"

"I'm trying to help Sirius, you don't wanna ignore it," James said seriously, a sort of hushed reverence to his voice. Easy for him to be in awe, the damn howler wasn't bloody addressed to him!

"Hey guys Marlene thinks….oh fuck!"

"Peter!" James gasped in surprise and Sirius burst out laughing at the vulgar mouth of Peter who had learned all sorts of swears from his uncles over the summer. It had been just what he needed to give him the courage to open the letter.

"Cheers mates," he said dryly, both Peter and James giving him sympathetic looks as if he was about to go to war. Sirius was hoping if he timed it right the excitement over the visitors arriving would drown out whatever his mother, no doubt, said. But the howler started fizzing so he didn't have much of a choice.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"

Yep, that was definitely his mother's obnoxious voice, he cringed from the sheer volume of it, feeling as if all eyes were suddenly on him. Because they were! He had become the attention of the entire school and he didn't like it nearly as much as he thought he would….

"BANE OF MY EXISTENCE! BLOOD TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU CONSORT WITH THAT DISGUSTING MUGGLE LOVING IMBECILE WHOSE NO LONGER A PART OF OUR FAMILY. OHHHH YOU WRETCHED CREATURE WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO!"

Sirius' cheeks had gone dark red, by now all pretense of not caring had drained with the rest of his bloody dignity. Worst of all she was just gearing up, he was sure even with her being irate she wouldn't air any more of their dirty laundry, but it would be a lie if he said he wasn't deeply worried about it.

"YOUR FATHER AND GRANDPARENTS ARE SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! THERE WILL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES WHEN YOU GET HOME YOUNG MAN!"

He could feel rather than see, as he was all but underneath the table, James' and Peters' concerned looks in his direction when they heard that. Dammit! He could feel tears of frustration prick his eyes and he considered running for it.

Would the howler stay where it was or chase him?

"THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. WE HAVE BEEN LENIENT OF YOUR TOMFOOLERY BUT NO MORE! YOUR UNCLE IS BANNED FROM SEEING YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE ACCESS TO WILL BE STRICTLY MONITORED WHEN YOU ARE HOME. THERE WILL BE NO MORE BAD INFLUENCES FOR YOU! AND YOU BETTER STOP BEING SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE ON REGULUS. HE'S THE ONLY THING WE GOT RIGHT AND IF YOU EARN HIM ANOTHER DETENTION THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!"

What? Detention?

His mother's voice had risen to an earsplitting crescendo and then it was over, leaving a dead and uncomfortable silence in her disastrous wake.

Sirius licked his lips trying to find the bravery to stop slouching, to sit proudly in his seat like the bloody Black he was. Except he felt like anything but a Black at the moment. At least he had the indignation of being blamed for Regulus, and the curiosity over what his brother had done, to keep him from crying.

"Well…..well….blimey Sirius….I uh….," James began awkwardly, helping Sirius back up into his seat. He was pretty sure he could still feel the eyes of every student still on him. At least Remus hadn't been here to witness his humiliation. Only, if Remus had been there Sirius figured he might be feeling better, his friend always seemed to know exactly what to say.

It was a skill that was infuriating at times but would have been comforting now. Instead, he had dumpy little Peter who was gaping at him stunned into silence, and James who kept almost starting to say something but instead just awkwardly patted Sirius' back as if that would fix everything.

"I'm going to get some fresh air," he muttered

"Want us to come?"

"Yes!" he thought to himself bitterly. But the idea of sobbing to Peter and James over his infuriating mother, expressing emotions he could hardly understand himself, sounded as appealing as stabbing himself with a fork.

"No that's fine," he said instead, glimpsing James slight frown as he wondered if Sirius really meant it or not.

He left quickly before James could get it in his stupid head to 'be a hero' and follow him after all. Even if James did there was nothing he could do.

Sirius walked down the Great Hall wishing badly that Drommie was still here, wishing he could talk to her. Because she understood now better than anyone else. Maybe he'd write to her again, but she just had a baby and he didn't want to worry her, since short of letting Sirius live with her there wasn't much she could do either.

It took him a second to realize he was walking to the tree he had met Drommie under during their pretty common meetups last year.

Remus was right, geez was he really that predictable?

He was just thinking about walking somewhere else because, as Peter had so elegantly put it, fuck, just fuck everything. Then he heard footsteps rapidly approaching him. He turned unsure if he was going to bite James' head off for following him or burst into tears, only to be taken aback. It wasn't James who had followed him.

"Are you alright? I figured you wouldn't really want to be alone," Lily gasped, her usually neat red hair frizzing slightly in her rush to catch up to him.

As she stood there face flushed, trying to recover from her appalling lack of physical stamina, Sirius thought he saw for just a fraction of a second what James -and possibly Remus- saw in her. Lily was attractive enough sure, but there was this...this goodness about her that Sirius found even more appealing and frustrating.

"Why? We aren't even friends."

"Oh goodness Black," she huffed, sounding her usual bossy self which quickly got rid of the illusion of her kindness, until she flashed him -a very unlike her- sheepish smile, "we have a mutual friend between us and that's good enough for me."

Sirius laughed, she didn't have to be that honest.

"You were supposed to say, yes we're friends, or something a little more comforting than that," he pointed out with his own sheepish grin. Lily blushed but stood her ground with her own stubborn streak that easily surpassed James', and maybe even Remus'.

"Well, I didn't want to lie. I mean you're alright enough. But your other friends are too moronic to come after you and someone needed to."

"Well, then you could have said something like you secretly have a crush on me since I'm soooo charming."

"Now you sound like James," she scoffed, rolling her eyes in her very typical manner, especially when James came up. Funny though, Sirius didn't think James would be caught dead saying that to Lily since it would confirm a truth he was so desperately trying to fight.

"So you have a secret crush on James then?" he asked amused. Lily's face went dark red and her eyes narrowed in warning, in a familiar 'say another dumb word and I'll hex you' warning that regrettably, James wasn't there to receive instead.

"Quit changing the topic, Sirius. Honestly, you're as bad as…."

"Remus," Sirius finished for her, suddenly finding it hard to swallow.

Lily's face remained nearly as red as her vibrant hair, but her eyes softened and she nodded. Unspoken questions hung in the air. Sirius wanted to ask them, but something about her gentle expression told him that however hard he tried he'd never get anything out of Lily. He realized that she'd rather die than betray Remus, which unfortunately just made his respect for her grow.

"I wasn't changing the topic you brought James up so suddenly so I…"

"I only meant you sounded as arrogant as him. If that toe rag had a crush on me I'd smack him across the face."

"Yes, you do like to do that don't you," Sirius snapped, voice ice cold. Lily seemed to regard him with something that came dangerously close to understanding.

"I'm sorry I did that Sirius it wasn't right of me."

"No, it wasn't."

"Next time I'll curse you instead."

That caused Sirius momentary pause.

"How about you just leave me to my own opinions," he mumbled.

She was such a nosy little twat!

"I can't do that," she replied softly, unconsciously glancing upward as if suddenly unable to meet Sirius' eyes.

He knew..., suspected where the line of reasoning would take him if he dared to follow it.

But he didn't, because that line of reasoning was traitorous and painful and he refused to go there. He stopped himself before the thoughts could even fully become thoughts, refusing to even remotely consider Lily's reactions to dark creatures and Remus' secret may be connected. Instead, his thoughts took the much safer and therefore actually plausible route that Lilly was, predictably, just an annoying swat.

"Whatever. How about you leave before you piss me off more," he replied in a more commanding tone than he intended. Her eyes flashed and she bit her lip as if to physically stop some snappy retort from flying from her mouth.

For one second it looked like she might hex him, then she looked pained and took a deep, purposeful breath and calmed down. She really was taking this 'be nice to everyone' thing seriously wasn't she? Weird, he already found Lily sort of nice though he wouldn't tell her that since if this was going to make her keep her mouth shut and be less bossy then he wasn't about to protest.

"Your mother sounded very upset," she pointed out softly, skipping pleasantries and going straight for the target it seemed. He reflexively tensed at his mother being mentioned and stopped himself from snapping at Lily.

He wasn't about to be stood up in politeness by Lily freakin Evans.

Though he chose not to, Sirius had been raised with a book of manners attached to his hands, and being polite but curt seemed to be the best way to get Lily to bugger off.

"We had a disagreement. Thank you for your concern but it's family business."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him, well maybe he was laying it on a little thick. He sounded stupid and pompous sounding less like his Aunt Druella who he had been trying to sound like, and more like his Uncle Alphie trying to sound like her.

"I'm alright Lily. Of course, it was upsetting but it really is just….dramatic family drama."

Lily sighed and sat down on the grass making herself comfortable. No, no, no that was the opposite response of the one she was supposed to have. She curled her fingers around strands of grass picking at it without seeming to notice.

"I know a bit about family drama. You met my sister and I know how unpleasant family can be at times."

That got Sirius, how dare she compare her situation to his, it was laughable that she could do so. Only at the moment, it was more infuriating.

"That's nothing compared to your mom being unpleasant. Your sister being a bully to you doesn't come close to my mom who…," he trailed off, eyes widening in realization. Lily hadn't purposely said that to rile him up had she? He knew she was clever, but there was book clever and people clever and it would be all sorts of unfair if she was both.

"I'm sorry Sirius. It sounds like she's trying to isolate you from your cousin right?"

Sirius shuddered, how did Lily know so much?

"Has Remus been talking to you about me?" he asked sharply, angrily. If there was one thing that pissed him off it was backstabbing friends. Even if Remus had done it on accident he doubted he could forgive him.

"What? No of course not, he'd never! Is that how little faith you have in him?" she scolded and he grew defensive rather than admit 'that, of course, Remus would never confide his secrets to someone else', and he had then been wrong to suggest it. Sirius had already been 'wrong' too many times around Lily and he was sick of it.

"Well, why shouldn't I! He's so secretive it makes me wonder if I even know him at all," he snapped and Lily's face went splotchy with anger. He half expected her to slap him and run off. By her expression, it looked like she was seriously considering it.

"Remus is a better friend than you deserve and you just keep hurting him," she hissed angrily instead, getting to her feet with an air of superiority he didn't at all like. "You better stop pushing away people who are just trying to help you, Sirius. It's a thoroughly displeasing trait and makes you more like your family than I think you want to be!"

"You have no right to speak of my family! I had every right to be suspicious, you knew more than you should."

"Because I'm friends with Alice who is friends with Ted! Besides, it doesn't take a genius to see how mean they are to you. Why are you trying to defend them?" she shouted at him in confusion and frustration.

Of course, he should have known Lily would have heard it from someone else. For some reason that realization just made him feel worse and angrier.

"Because they are my family. Yeah, they suck but they are the only ones I got. How would you feel if everyone knew what your sister was like and either whispered about it behind your back or got angry at you if you defended her!" he bellowed, now on his feet, shouting as loud as he could, which helped him feel a bit better.

After all he didn't have to worry about Lily's feelings as he had to with his friends, even if he did a bad job at that with them. This meant he could scream and curse and let all his anger out without even trying to hold himself back, and it felt good. However, rather than continue to get angry Lily looked taken aback and then ashamed.

"You're right. We shouldn't have been talking about it behind your back. Alice was just worried about Andromeda who was worried about you and...well sorry. You're right I would be angry too if our situations were reversed and I have defended Tunney to my friends. So I get it….well sort of. You're also right that I can't compare but…..well I mean I get the basics of it."

All the anger and turmoil that had been bubbling and churning around inside Sirius left him as if his exhale at Lily's words had been powerful enough to simply expel the nasty angry feelings.

Instead, he just felt tired now, and sad...so unbearably sad. He sat back down on the grass and buried his face in his knees. This wasn't at all fair, Lily shouldn't be nearly as good at Remus at calming him down. He just wanted to be mad at her, wanted to hate her, all of her goody two sshoes already knowing about Remus self, but she made that really hard sometimes.

"I guess that's fair enough," he mumbled feeling miserable.

"I'm sorry your mother is so mean to you."

"Thanks," he retorted sarcastically.

"She's not right to say such awful things about you. I bet you're a….well a handful Sirius but I bet you're also a good son."

He looked at her surprised and she gave him a sincere friendly smile.

"How bad was it? You know….how long will people talk about it?" he asked, uncomfortable but somehow trusting her to give him an honest answer, not just one he wanted to hear.

"Oh, just until the visitors arrive I imagine. You'll have to do more than that to get the whole school to talk about you Sirius," she laughed.

"I guess the visitors trump me for now. But just you wait! When James and I are both on the Quidditch team we're going to be legends."

"I don't doubt it," she replied, humoring him, but also begrudgingly acknowledging he had a point because he did. Just thinking about it cheered him up,... mostly.

"You aren't such an insufferable swat after all Evans," he replied, feeling generous.

"Gee thanks," she replied sarcastically but grinned down at him and when she offered him her hand to help him up he took it. They walked back to the castle striking up a, 'dare he say friendly', conversation about Elvis which was mostly just Lily listening to him rant about the adorable ball of fluff that had completely stolen his heart.

For someone who talked so much Lily was actually a surprisingly good listener. As they approached the Great Hall, Sirius slowed, his negative feelings returning as he approached the problem, well part of it anyways.

"I'm sure the visitors will be here any minute," she assured him kindly. Sirius nodded in appreciation and understanding.

"Go on. Thank you, Lily, I mean it."

"Oh, you'll be back to thinking I'm an annoying swat by tomorrow I reckon."

"You're much too generous with yourself, dinner at the latest."

Lily laughed and it was much more pleasant when she was laughing with him rather than with a group of her girlfriends laughing at him and his friends.

"Well, I'll go back to thinking you're insufferable before you reach the Gryffindor table so I suppose that's fair."

"We're going to prank you and the girls. You have been warned. Nothing dreadful, just a harmless prank war."

Wow, he really was feeling generous!

James would be pissed when he found out Sirius gave away one of their tactical advantages. Not that the girls were much of a threat.

"How kind of you to warn us. You better think carefully that that's actually what you want to do," Lily pointed out with a smile that had Sirius thinking maybe, just maybe, he had underestimated the girls too much.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Matter of Pride

Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Matter of Pride

Regulus watched Sirius leave the Great Hall with a sinking feeling. He faced his food which didn't look appetizing anymore and wondered if he should go after his brother. His friends jostled him laughing good-naturedly at how he'd been mentioned by his mother. He wasn't worried about himself though.

"Come on Regulus, he's fine, look his girlfriend is going after him."

Regulus turned surprised to see a red-haired girl rush after Sirius. Since when did he have a girlfriend? Regulus felt a stab of hope that came from being an optimist despite growing up as he had. If Sirius's girlfriend was a pureblood then everything could go back to normal at home.

He used to be jealous of his older brother who had really blatantly been the favorite back then. Sirius had been so different too, much more controlled and obedient and... miserable, Regulus had to admit. He could still recall a Christmas in which Regulus was five, meaning Sirius was six or perhaps barely seven.

His brother and he had both been stuffed into their typical uncomfortable dress gowns. Their grandpa had tugged Sirius around all evening showing him off to bigwig Ministry officials while Regulus had been forced to play with the other children who weren't heirs. It was only upon looking back that Regulus realized he hadn't seen Sirius smile once, not his real smile which had been rare back then, something secret shared between the two of them.

Regulus missed those times, he even would have suffered again through Sirius and Narcissa in their clubhouse blatantly excluding him since he was 'too young'.

"Do you know who the girl is?" he asked Sean, who he had already known prior to Hogwarts from his family's galas and other events. Events Regulus had attended when Sirius had begun to refuse too.

Regulus really did like their crazy Uncle Alphard for the most part, but he had to admit that everything had only started falling apart in their family after a then nine-year-old Sirius had spent the summer with their uncle.

"Oh that's Lily, she's Severus' girlfriend, not Sirius'."

"Unless Sirius likes her and that's part of the reason Severus seems to hate him so much."

"Ooooo wouldn't that be funny. I mean I personally think Severus is bonkers for being so scathing towards a noble Black, well openly scathing at least."

"No offense Regulus."

"Huh? Oh, none taken."

"Don't worry Regulus is on the right path. He knows what a loser his brother is."

Regulus nodded absently, not really listening. He'd never even considered Sirius to be a loser.

Impulsive and often impossible, yes! Mean and sometimes manipulative, sure. But he supposed he was still at the age that he couldn't help but look up to his big brother who seemed to be better at everything.

Well, maybe not everything. Sirius' lack of personal survival was quite appalling. If only his brother didn't stir the pot so much. Regulus didn't understand, it was much better after all to be the younger 'lacking' brother than the talented rebellious 'traitor'. If only Sirius wasn't so stubborn everything could be perfect!

Regulus stabbed at his peas no longer listening at all to his friends' excited chatter, probably talking about the visitors again. A still startling feeling of frustration towards Sirius rose up in Regulus as he ate. Really it served his brother right to be humiliated in such a public manner.

Regulus desperately wished his mother hadn't mentioned him but he supposed he deserved it too for getting detention. Not that it had been Sirius' fault in the slightest. If anything it was Lucinda's fault who had come up with the 'spectacular' idea of getting ahead of their peers in potions by breaking into Slughorn's storage room to practice. If Sirius, more like when, got detention it wasn't because he was attempting to better himself, Regulus was certain of that.

He sipped his juice still thinking. He had to be thoughtful since out of the two of them one of them just had to be, and Sirius, even back when things had been perfect and his family loved one another, had always been impulsive. It had been endearing back then, harmless even. Like the time he'd 'rescued' a puppy and snuck it home. Their mother had screamed when she found the thing and had given Sirius a lecture, but Regulus knew she had known for much longer than she had pretended to.

Or that one time when Sirius had put a laughing potion in their grandfather's tea, that was the only time anyone had seen him smile. Well, maybe that particular incident had actually gotten Sirius more than a scolding, but Regulus had heard his mother laughing about it to their father later. Actually laughing, which their mother did on rare occasions, but usually it was done in the face of some rival to throw them off or subtly insult them. At least that's what Regulus had come to understand from his mother ranting to him about it as he watched her brush her hair, taking hours to ready herself for these parties. It had seemed a little silly to him back then for his mother to care so much about the parties, but after making the mistake of mentioning that to her once he never did again.

Maybe he should have gone after Sirius.

But thinking back to his older brother yelling at him so angrily not that long ago kept him seated. It's not that he didn't want to hang out with Sirius, and thinking back on it, maybe it had been cruel of him to run away from him. It had just been so… so exhilarating to be the one to leave his brother out.

After years of always being the finder in hide and seek or the one to try out the odd concoctions his brother and cousin made, if he was included at all, it felt good not to be the one on the outside looking in.

Thinking like that made Regulus uneasy but Narcissa told him it was normal, better than normal it was Slytherin. Regulus was a Slytherin since that meant fitting in and belonging and that's all he wanted to do.

Sirius had made some good points about Muggleborn wizards, logically speaking, but so did Slytherins. Besides, it said something that Narcissa would actually hear Regulus out when he brought up Sirius' points and refuted them coolly but calmly, while if he ever brought up what Slytherins said to Sirius he'd just get angry at him.

Maybe if Sirius was kinder he'd give his brother's opinions more thought. But at least Narcissa was kind to him, Narcissa included him.

Now he was the one in the clubhouse, and if Sirius wanted to join he'd have to spend hours begging or go on a 'shame quest' for the 'secret key'.

Yes, it wasn't kind of him to sort of enjoy his brother's humiliation, but apparently, Slytherins weren't kind; they were greedy and ambitious and clawed their way to the top. Regulus could do that, he didn't exactly want to, but he could elbow and scrape his way to the top. Then, once he was there he could stretch out his hand to Sirius and show him the way. That thought made Regulus smile, well he'd do that if Sirius apologized first. Not even a sincere one was required for Regulus to help, he would take a sarcastic one, then he'd help Sirius get to where he had gotten to first.

"What are you smiling about?" Narcissa asked, scooching two of Regulus' first-year friends out of the way who gaped at her in awe and reverence.

"Just thinking that mom's howler might have knocked some sense into Sirius."

Narcissa scoffed and rustled Regulus' hair.

"Let's hope so Reggy, it sure would be good to have a cousin around that's not a little baby."

She said it affectionately but it made Regulus scowl as she walked away.

"WOW, I can't believe you know, the Narcissa Black."

"Yeah it's so cool she's your cousin."

"You think she could introduce me to Lucius….I mean the Leader."

"If you play your cards right I can," Regulus grinned.

Yes, he wanted Sirius to come around, but it wouldn't be the worst thing if it took him just a little bit longer.

Because Sirius was stronger, and more handsome, and quicker than he was. But by the time Sirius realized he was on the wrong side, Regulus would be the one who had the connections, who had the plans, then he'd be the one calling the shots.

And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.

...

"She can't do that, she can't keep me from seeing Uncle Alphie," Sirius ranted for the fifth time that day, stamping around the dorm room as if by being loud enough his mother would hear him and give up.

James groaned and wrapped the pillow around his head, or tried to. Peter yanked it away from him with a look that plainly said if he had to suffer through it so did James. That was sound reasoning but didn't stop James shoving Peter off his bed with a thump that momentarily distracted Sirius.

Peter uprighted himself laughing slightly and James laughed too, glancing hopefully at Sirius, since this was as good a time as any to give up doing their homework altogether, and have a spontaneous pillow fight.

"I mean she just CAN'T! I know he's a 'blood traitor' and yada yada but his actions in '66 have negated some of that bullcrap," Sirius ranted pacing around, with an occasional worried glance to Remus' still empty bed.

It had already been four nights since their friend had vanished, quickly approaching five nights which was definitely on the long end of how long Remus usually stayed gone. Surely Remus would be back any minute expecting them to be asleep, slipping in as quiet as a Demiguise.

Only they weren't allowed to sleep since they had all agreed to stay up in order to assure Remus things were 'fine' and that his secrets would be 'ignored' which they had agreed was the quickest way to skip over him being dodgy around them.

However, this meant that James had to suffer through more of Sirius' complaining which had been understandable for the first day, since the visitors were now arriving late due to some mishap, meaning Sirius was still the attention of the entire school.

But James personally thought he was lucky because what second-year student could honestly say the entire student population knew his name and who he was. Still, James had to admit the howler had been decidedly unpleasant, and he'd much rather just become that famous through Quidditch instead.

"What happened in 66?" Peter asked, and James groaned loudly mumbling under his breath not to encourage Sirius as their friend rounded on them.

"Didn't I tell you already?"

"Possibly, but you've been talking so much I don't know which bits are useful and which bits aren't," he replied, earning a derisive snort from Sirius.

"Well, if Remus ever came back then I wouldn't have to talk to you, useless berks."

James knew Sirius was joking, at least mostly, but the reminder of how little James understood still hurt. Not that he wanted to understand, no his parents were nutters but he loved them and knew they loved him which apparently wasn't something he should take for granted. But, well it was just that it left a bit of a gulf between Remus and Sirius, and him and Peter. Not that James had anything against Peter, not really, he just wasn't Sirius or even Remus.

"Look I'm trying to understand Sirius, really I am. But you can't keep punishing me for that," he explained impatiently.

Sirius shot him a startled look which quickly became an annoyed one since James had broken the rule of making a non-serious comment serious which Sirius seriously didn't like. James snorted in amusement over his own wit which lessened the annoyance in Sirius' expression, the look now bordering on wondering if James still had his marbles.

He did, mostly, but he was so, so tired. Quidditch practice was easy as far as his skill went, but it wore him out. Then he had to come back every night to Sirius who over the weekend had turned into a raving machine over the insanity of house Black. But James learned that he better not agree with Sirius's insulting comments about his family too fervently because then he got an angry 'what's your problem Potter' thrown back in his face.

It was all confusing and stressful which had led to him not sleeping well. James had even had nightmares of Sirius ranting about his family and suddenly they were graduated from Hogwarts and it was all James could remember of his time at the school. Thankfully, he knew that when Remus would return that their friend, their wonderful miracle worker of a friend, would find the right words and shut Sirius up.

Actually, James didn't envy the tiny gulf between him and Sirius and Remus, since when Sirius jumped the gulf onto his side he was much more fun. No, the real problem was that James wished when Sirius was being like this, and most definitely on Remus' side of the gulf - needing Remus' expertise and understanding or whatever it was that ended up with the two of them falling asleep holding hands - that Remus was actually here! Also, that James had someone besides Peter on his side because Peter was great, really he was, he was just...well... Peter.

"James!"

"Huh, what?" He jolted from his thoughts which had apparently caused him to zone out a bit, his head slumping onto his shoulder as his eyes involuntarily closed. Did he mention how bloody tired he was?

"I said that I'm not punishing you so what's….."

"What's my problem?" James interjected knowing what Sirius was going to say, it had become a painfully expected response the past few days. Sirius' face grew red with embarrassment so at least he knew he was being ridiculous. Not that it got him to stop exactly, but still at least his friend knew.

"Look I just…" Sirius began sounding frustrated.

"What happened in 66?" Peter asked, interjecting quickly. He had been getting almost as good as Remus at sniffing out an argument. He just was dreadful at stopping it, only this time his question shockingly did the trick.

"Well, that was when Bella got the dragon pox."

James shuddered, not feeling bad for Bellatrix since she completely deserved all sorts of painful terrible things. But... well, his grandparents had died from dragon pox, not that it was hereditary, or whatever the word was meaning it ran in the family. But James had experienced multiple nightmares when he was five about his parents dying from dragon pox like his grandparents had, whose faces he couldn't even remember anymore.

"What does that have to do with your uncle?" James asked, far too tired to appreciate Sirius' story.

"I'm getting there. SO anyways she got it that summer before school and my aunt, her mom, couldn't take care of her, meaning my mom had to. This was back when they thought it would be gone before Hogwarts."

"It wasn't?" Peter asked, surprised. Sirius gave him a look.

"Obviously not, that's why she had to be held back since she was sick for such a long time. Sissy swears it messed up Bella's brain but I think she was always an evil little devil," Sirius explained offhandedly. It was odd how... affectionate Sirius sometimes sounded when he talked about Narcissa, almost as if they had been close. But that was crazy since Sirius wasn't a closed-minded pureblood purist, and him actually liking his family would be as ridiculous as Peter actually making it on the Quidditch team.

"Oh," Peter responded, sounding embarrassed he hadn't realized that himself. In Peter's defense, it was nearly one in the morning, and they were all tired.

"Yes oh. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. SO back then they thought she'd get better soon. But she had to come to stay with us since her parents worked so much back then. Regulus was still under the danger age so he got to stay home, which at first I'd been upset about."

"Why?" Peter asked curiously. Sirius gave him a withering look that shut him up.

"I am getting there," he snapped impatiently, "Just let me finish geez. Now…"

"Are you going to continue?" James asked, right at the right moment. Sirius shot him an amused look of irritation then continued with exaggerated slowness for a few seconds just to be an arse.

"I….didn't….know…...my…..uncle back then I'd only heard of him briefly as this nutter who left the family. Which as you can imagine is more than frowned upon. You don't need to ask why Peter, I will explain," Sirius pointed out, but he was grinning now and they all laughed a bit.

"My family is all about appearance and status and the fact that Uncle Alphard gave that up because he didn't agree with all the family's views made him the extent of a mad man. Now you can imagine my mother tried everyone else, like even random pureblood family friends. I almost ended up staying at the Malfoys."

They all shared a collective shudder at that.

"Dodged a hex there you did."

Sirius nodded appreciatively.

"Yeah. I didn't know it then but it was the turning point of my entire life," Sirius explained dramatically. James rolled his eyes but grinned, he was starting to get into the story a bit.

"So here I am barely seven and going off to live for possibly a whole summer with a mad man. My mom kissed me goodbye, no need to look so shocked Peter, she wasn't always a complete monster. Anyways, she instructed me to talk to him as little as possible and it would only be for a few days until she could arrange for me to stay with someone else. But a few days turned into a week and by that time I was beginning to realize my parents weren't always right about everything. Long story short Uncle Alphie is the best, my parents are the real madmen, and my uncle saved me from being like them, questions?"

"They really let you see him again after that?"

Sirius gave a chilling smile that made James wonder if his friend had given as good as he got, even back then, and if maybe that had made things worse for him. Remus had suggested Sirius try to be less aggressive to his family in order to land in less trouble, but James wasn't anywhere near that brave or stupid to suggest such a thing.

"I didn't give them much of a choice. If you haven't noticed Potter I can be quite a handful at times," Sirius sounded quite pleased at himself, but not for the first time James questioned the sanity of his friend who he knew got physically hurt as a result of acting out yet did it so often. But then again, if his family were nutters who believed in all the wrong things he supposed he'd act out too, no matter the consequences. Although a dementor would probably give him pause, but maybe that had only happened...like once to Sirius. At least he hoped so.

"Any other questions?"

"Why are you guys still awake?" Remus asked cracking the door from where it appeared he had been listening through, though James couldn't tell for how long.

He glanced at Sirius worried about how the boy would react. Especially since Remus' face was bruised, badly, all along his jaw as if that had gotten broken somehow. James felt physically ill with worry. Remus gave a nervous smile but was no doubt ready to run if they gave him cause.

"Please don't give him cause," James thought, desperately trying to catch Sirius' eye.

"You...uh heard all that."

"About how your uncle is a hero. Yes touching story, I especially liked the part about Bellatrix having dragon pox."

Peter let out a laugh, a nervous bubble of laughter that escaped between the fingers that had been clamped over his mouth, probably to prevent him from squeaking at Remus' dreadful appearance.

Had he already been to Madam Pomfrey's?

James wondered which was worse, that Remus had come straight here or that he had been to the Matron and this was the leftover result of what she had already healed. Sirius regarded Remus closely, too closely. James could just see him launching into interrogation mode which would be well deserved but counterproductive to their end goal.

"Yes that's my favorite bit too," Sirius finally concluded with a much too false grin, but at least he hadn't launched himself on Remus.

James let out a sigh he didn't realize he'd been holding and he could hear Peter do the same. In fact, it seemed as if the whole room sighed in relief, though Remus by far won the award for 'most relieved'. James up to now had let Sirius take the lead on figuring out what was going on with Remus, but James didn't think he could prevent himself anymore from not getting as obsessed with it as Sirius.

Not that he thought he could figure it out if Sirius couldn't, he may be more handsome than his friend but he knew he wasn't smarter, not that much anyway.

However, Remus was as much a part of his family as the rest of his friends and his parents were. No one got away messing with James' family, no one. If James had to face off a full-grown wizard to make that point then he would in a heartbeat, even if it ended up with him in a similar state to Remus, and he knew Sirius felt the same way.

If only Remus could accept they felt that way too, then maybe he'd trust them enough to tell them what was going on.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight: Halloween Headache

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Halloween Headache

Sirius stayed awake in bed long after everyone else had fallen asleep, even Remus whose soft breathing comforted him more than it should.

How was he supposed to survive a whole year of not knowing when he feared for his friend's life every time he disappeared?!

He wasn't even being dramatic about it, he literally feared Remus wouldn't come back. Everytime he was afraid that Remus' uncle or dad, or whoever or whatever was hurting him so badly would, either on purpose or on accident, go too far and that would be that. Then there would be no more Remus, which wasn't a thought Sirius wanted to entertain.

Still, there was that nagging feeling that had grown from the tickle in the back of his mind on occasion suggesting he was missing something, to an itch he couldn't scratch. He was still missing pieces to the puzzle that was his friend, important pieces. Perhaps he had gotten another piece earlier today in class. The problem was he couldn't figure out what it meant!

He closed his eyes trying to sleep, trying to see anything besides the purple and blue bruise on Remus' jaw, but instead, he saw, all over again, Professor Corbyn's reaction when he had noticed Remus was missing.

"Missing again," their professor had said under his breath, his eyes widening slightly as if he had just realized something. The whole thing would have been missed if Sirius hadn't been paying close attention to their professor.

Sirius wasn't sure why he had been paying such close attention to their professor in class, especially not when he could have been coming up with ideas on how to become the champion for Hogwarts with Peter and James.

But Sirius had been watching their professor very closely as if waiting for confirmation on something. But confirmation of what he couldn't understand. Only Professor Corbyn had responded in a significant way, a way that somehow Sirius hadn't been surprised about.

He didn't have the pieces to the puzzle?

No, Sirius was sure he had them all, knew it in his gut that the answer was there right in front of him. He just had to actually put the puzzle together, had to get the little pieces to fit without breaking pieces like he almost always ended up actually doing with real puzzles.

But Remus was worth much more than a real puzzle, so he wouldn't break or lose any pieces. He knew the answer: it was there, it was right there! But it wasn't there, so Sirius fell asleep confused and disheartened, waking the next morning with a headache and the faintest recollection of something howling in his dreams.

But frustrating friends and infuriatingly complex yet not complex puzzles were put on the back burner, because today was a day of great importance. Today was Halloween and was also the day when the visitors better be arriving so that people would finally stop whispering about Sirius, otherwise, he'd personally hex each and every one of the visiting students when they got their sorry arses here. But they'd be here, apparently, there had been some sort of trouble according to Dumbledore and all the professors were being very hush-hush about it. Even a 'casual' trip to Hagrid's during the weekend had left them with nothing besides pocket fulls of comically un-edible scones.

"Wake Up!" he shouted, launching himself onto James' bed, tackling his friend who woke with shouts and attempted to punch Sirius twice before he properly pinned him down. Annoyed hazel eyes looked up at him, though his friend's lips twitched slightly.

"Are you gonna let me up or not?"

"Aw, don't be so sore Potter you know you love waking up to see me first thing in the morning," Sirius teased, grinning at James' continued attempts to hold back a smirk.

"Sirius, you're my friend so I'm going to put this gently. I'd rather wake up to see a Hippogriff's arse first thing in the morning than your ugly mug!"

Sirius laughed rolling off his friend.

"Careful what you wish for Potter~" he called in a mock threatening way then leaped onto Peter tickling his feet, they didn't have time to dawdle after all.

"You woke us up at 6 in the morning?" James shouted outraged as he finally checked what time it was.

"Of course I did!" Sirius shouted back, affronted his friend would dream about sleeping in on such a grand day as today. Of course, getting up this early should have meant that Remus was still asleep in his bed... only he wasn't. But Sirius wasn't going to think of that right now, today was a grand day, which meant no worrisome thoughts would be entertained.

"Happy Halloween! Happy Halloween!" he shouted jovially, after fifteen minutes of him urging his friends to get dressed finally yielded results.

"If you don't shut up someone is going to murder you," James pointed out with all the 'cheerfulness' of someone who had been woken up early but wasn't a morning person.

"Don't be grumpy, today is a marvelous day. It's Halloween."

"If you don't shut up I'm going to murder you," Peter yawned, detracting from his threatening statement slightly.

Sirius laughed and rushed ahead into the common room. There was Remus! Sirius' heart lurched in his chest at the sight of him. Nope, none of that, today was a glorious day!

"Happy Halloween Remus!" he shouted, ignoring James and Peters groans, and the increasingly violent threats on how to shut him up muttered between them. Remus turned from his homework, gentle golden eyes brightening with amusement, and such relief, unspoken relief that they didn't address the gruesome bruises spread across his jaw.

Sirius knew it was only a matter of time before someone else would mention it and when they did he was sure Remus would have a plausible lie he'd whip up from his back pocket, a lie that most certainly would not bother Sirius because today was going to be a perfect day.

"Happy Halloween. I should have known you'd be up exceptionally early."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked genuinely confused.

"You're a mad man," Peter wailed and Remus stifled a laugh.

"You get….hm…..very excited on holidays," Remus explained kindly, and now that Sirius thought about it he had to admit his friend had a point. But it was a good thing and it showed just how fantastic he was to be making sure his excitement rubbed off on his friends.

He pointedly ignored James' comment about Sirius single-handedly ruining holidays for him.

"Working on homework?" he asked carefully, since obviously Remus was, but the real question was 'you weren't able to get stuff done wherever you were', and they both knew it.

"Extra credit assignment for potions. When can we stop taking the course again?" Remus asked with a playful grimace.

Sirius grinned ignoring another stab, so they really were going to ignore everything? That was fine, of course, that was fine, everything was fine because today was so great! Today was so fantastic nothing could happen that would change how utterly 'perfect' everything was.

"You ok there Sirius I was only joking about feeding little bits of you to a centaur, ...well mostly," James piped up helpfully since Sirius was staring, that sort of staring that they knew made Remus uncomfortable, made him aware of the fact they hadn't forgotten his secrets existed. Sure enough, Remus had gone a bit pale, making his bruises even more prominent and was shifting in his seat as if thinking about how best to escape.

"Shows how dumb you are Potter since centaurs don't eat humans!" he retorted with a mock vengeance, which completely took the focus off the fact he may or may not have been staring at Remus as if he kept him awake a good many nights.

"Well, maybe you aren't human. Hah!"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Yes, it does!" Peter assured Sirius, glancing at James with beady eyes full of admiration.

"Fine then feed me to centaurs. See if I care. Some friends," he muttered, dramatically stalking away. He couldn't quite hear what Remus said in response, but whatever it was caused James and Peter to laugh uproariously and make his face feel quite hot. Then they were all headed to the Great Hall, Sirius wondering how Remus was so unjustly good at making him feel like a fool.

Even with their banter delaying them they were still some of the first people to arrive. James, as soon as he was seated, put his head down on the table with enough force to jostle the silverware and Peter took a muffin from the early snack baskets, seemingly to wake up upon contact with it. Remus poured himself some juice sipping at it, his eyes darting around giving away the intense anxiety he must be feeling about his face looking like,...well, how it currently looked.

"Well, you boys…...are up early," Professor McGonagall commented to them on her way to the staff table. She had inhaled sharply at seeing Remus but to her credit didn't slow down or lessen the amount of suspicion in her tone at her suspecting them of being up to no good.

"Happy Halloween Professor McGonagall!' Sirius shouted with all the joy he could muster. He really didn't think he got that over-excited about holidays, but the look McGonagall gave him, one of weary resignation suggested differently.

"Yes, Happy Halloween boys, do try to behave for our visitors today."

"What school will be the...oops…," Remus trailed off looking embarrassed. Whatever he had been about to say caught McGonagall off guard and Sirius thought quickly, guessing wildly on what Remus had been about to say to take advantage of the moment.

"Yes, oh wonderful professor, tell us what school will be the one riding in on dragons."

Well drats, he had clearly guessed wrong by her unamused look, though he could have sworn the edges of her lips twitched.

"Good day boys."

"goof day Poffshor McDonagal," Peter called around a large bite of muffin and James came alive shaking with laughter.

"What do you know about the visiting schools, Remus? And how dare you not share that information with your best friends!" Sirius pounced on Remus, well not physically, there was a table in his way.

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," Remus replied with drawn-out innocence, indicating it was fair game to interrogate him on this then.

Finding immense relief in there being something he could pry about, Sirius attempted to do just that as the Great Hall slowly began to fill up. But all he found out was that Remus had learned more from Dumbledore, either from the last time he had randomly run into the headmaster, or a new time, which seemed unlikely since the headmaster was a busy man after all.

"No, Peter, it's not that they will enter by doing a musical number. Good guess though," Remus replied, sounding amused as he buttered his toast.

As their guesses continued he sounded more and more amused which led Sirius to guess they were nowhere near the truth. Only he didn't mind making wacky guesses since it seemed to keep Remus calm as students sat at the Gryffindor table, and hopefully kept him oblivious to the not too subtle whispers as a few people took note of Remus' face.

"What the hell happened to you?" Patricia asked, cutting off James's guess about something to do with kegs of butterbeer.

Remus flinched involuntarily and turned his attention to Patricia looking weary. Maybe it was because of the drama with the Forbidden Forest, or because the friendship between the two had grown through chess, but Sirius always had the impression the two were sizing the other up as of late.

Neither seemed particularly upset with the other, but it was like they were both trying to figure something out about each other, which Sirius could understand from Patricia's point of view but not necessarily Remus'. Sure Patricia wanted to find something in the forest but Sirius doubted it was anything that warranted the level of intrigue Remus had over it, or level of worry. Their friend had gone so far as to have them swear, solemnly swear even, to him that they wouldn't even attempt to enter the forest without him.

"I was trying to get better at Quidditch but brooms really don't like me."

If Patricia hadn't been so zeroed in on Remus she would have seen James frown and Peter flinch. Remus wasn't even trying to come up with a lie that they'd believe, but then again maybe he couldn't think of one.

"Yeah, that's right. He's downright dreadful," Sirius explained, figuring Remus would be grateful he came to his rescue. But instead, his friend shot him a look as weary as the one that had momentarily been directed at Patricia! Did he honestly expect any of them to believe that lie? He must be desperate indeed.

"Suit yourself. Anyways I came over to tell you part two of operation thunderbird is a go," she whispered conspiratorially. James stifled a giggle that didn't go amiss.

"What?" she asked him with more than a tinge of annoyance, she had been awfully moody lately. Maybe Remus was right that there was something more going on, something dangerous. Sirius hoped so since that sounded fun.

"Operation Thunderbird?" James asked, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. Patricia's cheeks got the tiniest bit pink and she scoffed.

"Coming from the losers who call themselves boys on floor six dorm two or whatever."

"Boys on floor seven dorm one," James said defensively.

"You really should know which room is our room or you may wake up other unsuspecting Gryffindors," Remus pointed out slyly, part annoyance and part amusement in his tone.

Patricia didn't look impressed.

"Come up with a cooler name or part two won't happen," she declared with finality and walked back to the older students waiting for her before they could protest.

"Aww way to go, James," Sirius scowled.

"Don't worry we'll come up with a cool name," Peter assured them with a grin.

"So far we have…" James bent down pulling out the list they had compiled of possible cool names to call themselves. Sirius wasn't sure why James had the list since he was the oldest and therefore obviously the leader. He'd let it slide this time though.

"Ahem," James cleared his throat unrolling the scroll, looking as if he was about to read all fifty-three name suggestions. But instead, he ripped the paper in fourths with a look of deep disappointment.

"Hey, you can't do that!" Sirius shouted in alarm.

"These are all dreadful men. We need to come up with something better."

"You don't rally the men Potter I do. I'm the leader."

"Nuhu," James replied, the 'height of sophistication'.

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuhu!"

"YEAH HUH!"

"James, Sirius look," Remus exclaimed, pointing at something behind them.

Peter who was sitting next to Remus, but just short enough not to be able to see over Sirius and James strained his neck in an attempt to see. Sirius shot around a second quicker than James but couldn't figure out what it was Remus was pointing out to them. Only he wasn't about to admit that because what if James saw it and he didn't, he'd never live it down.

Sirius scanned the Great Hall again and again. Something with the professors perhaps? Or had Remus noticed something amongst the students? The Halloween decoration or tables? He was beginning to grow frustrated and chanced a glance at James who had a look mirroring his frustration. James glanced at him and both of them realized at the same time they had been duped.

They turned back around to Remus nibbling on some fruit as he read his book looking far too smug.

"You little…..," James began in mock outrage.

"Oh, Remus how are you….?"

Sirius wasn't sure what James had been about to say to their clever friend, only that whatever insult it was he agreed with completely, because Lily had arrived and in typical fashion came to check on Remus.

Only Remus didn't greet her with a shy grin or some quick comment on their homework load to take the focus off him. No, this time he jumped badly, the smug look replaced with one of horror, and he sunk down into his seat almost as low as Sirius had been when the howler had been delivered. It took Sirius a second to get it but he suddenly understood.

Lily had frowned slightly at Remus hiding himself behind his book but maybe she thought he hadn't heard her since she started moving to walk to the other side of the table, where Peter sat and Remus, well...slouched.

"Quick, say something dumb to Lily," he whispered to James.

"Lily, your eyes are really pretty," James blurted out immediately as if he had been close to saying so anyways, and Lily stopped walking to gape at him incredulously.

"My eyes?"

Sirius thought he might know Lily well enough by now to figure out that she was merely startled. But the poor sorry bloke that was James didn't realize it.

"Uh…..you….you're pretty all of you. Your hair, your b…."

"My b?!" she asked, her shock quickly turning to incredulous anger. She must think James was teasing her. Sirius sort of felt bad for asking James to distract her, but he was doing such a good job of digging himself a hole and it truly was so amusing.

"Your biceps….," he altered quickly.

"James Potter you are a complete moron!"

"Yes," James agreed readily and Sirius covered his mouth shaking with mirth.

"Yes? Are you mocking me?"

"Yes...I mean no, no I would never mock you."

"You….," Lily began her eyes blazing with anger at what she must view as James being a complete twat. But Dorcas entered calling Lily to come over to discuss something to do about dorm layouts of all weird things.

Lily's expression turned from anger to a sort of justified grimace which left Sirius hopelessly confused. At least he wasn't confused as James though, who watched Lily leave with the expression of a drowning man who just realized what he had grabbed wasn't a lifevest but the tentacle of the giant squid ready to pull him under.

Well, that had been more successful than Sirius thought it would be. Lily had stormed off and seemed to forget entirely about the existence of one Remus Lupin. Only when Sirus turned back to point out Remus owed him, perhaps letting Sirius win at chess because yes it was getting to that point of desperation when they played him, he found that Remus had fled.

It should have been predictable but Sirius felt a stab of hurt. Couldn't Remus have chanced that Lily would forget about him to stay with them? Wasn't it worth that? Except Sirius figured with growing frustration and dread it probably wasn't worth it to Remus.

Because something had clicked into place in his mind and the solution to the problem was not one he at all enjoyed.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine: Absolutely NOT a Crush on Lily

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Absolutely NOT a Crush on Lily

"That's right class, a nice flick and Immobilus," Professor Flitwick called, watching them practice it from his perch of a chair.

"James partner up with Peter. I want to pair with Remus."

"I'm never doing anything you say ever again," James pouted, giving Sirius a distressed look that was more bitter than it was dramatic.

"Oh come off it, James, I didn't know you'd make that much of an arse of yourself," he quickly whispered since they needed to pair off now.

"You know I can't talk to her because of I...like...I don't know! I freeze up…..my brain goes to mush. I think she's cursed me….or maybe a Slytherin. Really, Sirius, I think there's something wrong with me," James mumbled now sounding worried.

If Sirius wasn't rushing James to agree to pair with Peter so he could pair with Remus guilt-free, he might have been a tad more sensitive to James' plights. Well, maybe not.

"Or here's a suggestion." James looked at Sirius hopefully, "you like her."

"Like her?" James asked slowly as if the concept was something foreign and he'd never even heard of it before.

"You know, have a crush, like you want to hold her hand and kiss her and…," he cut off grinning too hard to continue as James' face had gone as red as a tomato. So red that Professor Flitwick called to Sirius that he had done the wrong charm and to 'practice the freezing charm today please'.

"I do not. Don't say that!" James groaned, sounding disgusted. Sirius felt a bit bad but James had taken so long that Remus and Peter had already paired up so he mostly felt annoyed.

"Why not? You know it's true."

"No, it's not. SHE cursed me," James yelped.

"Cursed your heart more or less," Sirius scoffed and James physically swayed where he stood. Again, Sirius felt a bit bad but life was more or less filled with hard truths and James just had to face it. Sirius had to face his own hard truth as soon as he talked to Remus, which was now delayed because of James, so the least his friend could do was face his own.

"Stop that. Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not true," James replied stubbornly. Sirius flicked his wand trying the charm, only because that's what they were supposed to be doing, not because he wanted James to shut up, no that wasn't it 'at all'.

"Do you want to hold her hand?"

James went silent for a bit and Sirius could almost see the cogs in his brain trying to come to any conclusion besides liking Lily. To be fair Sirius could sympathize with that since Lily would never like James, but his friend was mental for falling for her in the first place so he just had to accept it and get over it quickly.

"Well you hold Remus' hand all the time," James retorted proudly. Sirius blinked a few times then started laughing.

"You dimwit that's different, we're friends."

"So are Lily and I."

"No, you aren't."

"Well….then we'll become friends and then it won't be weird," James concluded, sounding relieved.

Sirius tried to be patient, tried to remind himself that James grew up without older cousins to explain these things to him. Because as cool as James' parents were he couldn't see them sitting down to explain to James how to know when you have a crush anymore than he could imagine his parents doing so.

"You're an utter moron James. Friends don't want to snog each other."

James glanced around quickly as if Sirius had just said a very dirty work.

"I…..I….I don't….," James stammered, sounding more like Peter than himself.

"Just admit it James so you can get over her and…"

"Immobilus."

Sirius glared at James and his wand.

"Oh, well done Mr. Potter, five points to Gryffindor for excellent execution, most don't get it right until the end of class. Well done indeed."

James grinned puffing up, though his face was still red. Stupid Potter and his stupid annoying knack for charms. Lily shot a similar glare at James only she was still able to move and speak. Then Lily turned back to Marlene looking a little red in the face herself as she concentrated, probably too hard, on trying to catch up to James.

"I think I like you better this way Black," James smirked, no longer blushing. "Maybe I'll keep you like that until the end of class," he teased.

Sirius' expression was frozen in the glare he had on his face before James froze him because it was so very hard to be patient with James sometimes. But even if the glare had been a matter of choice Sirius would still be glaring at his stupid best friend.

That was what he got for caring about James' feelings too much. Next time he'd just pair up with Remus without consulting James first. It would serve him right to be stuck with Pettigrew for a while.

...

Remus listened to James and Peter chew out Sirius once more on waking them up so darn early when the visitors weren't arriving until dinner time.

"Dinner time Sirius! I could have slept in."

"Yeah, you need your beauty sleep Pettigrew," Sirius teased still jovial. It was cute that he got so excited about holidays, but then again Remus didn't have to worry about Sirius waking him up at odd hours because of that excitement, well not usually.

"Har har har," Peter mumbled.

"Dinner time!" James shouted once more in outrage, only half-joking now. Remus read as he walked and listened with amusement to his crazy friends.

"I thought they were coming at breakfast!" Sirius protested his innocence loudly, earning the looks of a few Hufflepuffs they were passing in the hall. Remus heard one of them whisper 'blood traitor' and hide a smirk. He glanced at Sirius relieved he hadn't noticed, feeling bad for his friend and wishing he could have been there for him when he had gotten the howler.

He had been filled in on what had happened while he was in the hospital wing, his jaw having been so severely broken that it took days to heal. Madam Pomfrey said jaws were particularly tricky to heal since something about nerves but that didn't help Remus who still looked like a human punching bag. He knew the matron was doing her best but it was still really frustrating.

Of course, he only had himself to blame, well the wolf. A wolf who was indeed growing bigger, rapidly bigger. "With changes to the wolf will come changes to you," Madam Pomfrey had explained calmly, though Remus still had an odd feeling she was holding something back.

Dumbledore had made note of his exhaustion, though Madam Pomfrey hadn't been concerned about that and had just made him promise not to take a sleeping draught without her express permission. Remus still thought it was odd he had reacted that way to such a low-risk substance, but maybe that was the wolf too? Sometimes it was hard to figure out what the wolf was causing and what was just….him, whatever that meant.

Another change had been that his irritation had been growing, at least around the moon. He had a hard time admitting that to Dumbledore who said he'd come by to check up on him after every full moon now. It seemed weird but Dumbledore had pleasantly said with a great deal of amusement that it would give Remus a chance to become better at chess and give Dumbledore a break from much more 'unpleasant tasks', which Remus supposed was true.

Besides Remus had just been relieved that upon reluctantly telling Dumbledore about his growing anger that the headmaster had not looked at him as if he was a monster but merely explained that was normal.

"Might I suggest the aid of humor when you feel frustrated Mr. Lupin. Giving yourself that outlet for your frustration may provide fewer casualties," Dumbledore had advised him, and Remus for once completely understood the advice and planned to follow it. Problem was that it was easier said than done, even not nearing a full moon he often wanted to give his friends a good shake sometimes. Madam Pomfrey had said that was normal too, sounding quite amused, and had congratulated him on not throttling his friends, yet. Remus felt this wasn't quite fair since yes they were annoying at times but they also weren't mentioning his bruise and were letting him keep his secrets, for the time being, and for that, he was overwhelmingly grateful.

"We need to send him over the plank," James declared passionately. Remus wasn't sure how they had gotten to pirates but the tone was more teasing now rather than the outrage it had been bordering on before so it seemed fine.

"Arg I ain't done nothing wrong you scurvy...er scallywag."

Remus laughed, Sirius' impression of a pirate might be his worst impression so far. This had been the result of his friend reading Treasure Planet several weeks ago, and naturally, reenacting the book to all of them. Remus had, regrettably, been the one to suggest the classic Muggle book to Sirius whose fits of boredom could bring even the most patient person to insanity. He only mildly regretted suggesting the book and only because of the ridiculous impersonations it led to, he thought, at the oddest of times.

"Yes you did," Peter pipped in, not even trying to sound like a pirate, he had been doing homework when Sirius had gone on about the book.

"Arg you did arg you….um, arg…."

Remus rolled his eyes feeling great fondness for his friends. They were truly good friends even if Sirius robbed him of some of his precious and rare sleep every now and then, and James botched up impersonating Muggle pirates because he thought every other word had to be 'argh'.

"See I didn't do anything wrong," Sirius pointed out quickly, sounding satisfied.

"No arg you arg…..took…..arg….umm…."

Remus wasn't sure if James had honestly forgotten what Sirius had done wrong, a highly likely possibility knowing his foolish friends, or was just trying to find some pirate sounding term for what he'd done wrong.

"He's a marauder," he pointed out helpfully, deciding to give James the benefit of the doubt and assume he hadn't already forgotten Sirius' lack of judgment about the visitors coming at breakfast.

"A what?" Peter asked, confused. Sirius looked at Remus unsure whether the term was something good, in his defense, or a term which condemned him. Remus gave Sirius a mischievous smile that would leave no room for doubt which of the two options it was.

"Come on guys we have to go to class….," Sirius cut in, coming to the right conclusion that Remus was not helping his case.

Remus laughed as Sirius squirmed, unsure just how bad the term was. He thought about drawing it out since teasing Sirius was just somehow more satisfying than teasing the others, probably because Sirius was the most nosy of the bunch. But he decided not to be mean, especially since both James and Peter were pestering Remus to tell them what on earth that pirate term meant.

"It's not really a pirate term, it's a 17th-century French word meaning a raider or a robber."

They looked at him blankly as Sirius coughed 'swat' shooting a gloating look at Remus.

"Basically since Sirius robs us of our sleep he's a marauder," Remus explained patiently.

"Oh, I like that!" James decided eagerly.

"You marauder," Peter accused dramatically. James laughed and even Sirius grinned.

"I like the sound of it, it has a nice ring. Sure I'm a marauder. Whatcha gonna do about it!" Sirius called out tauntingly and took off running through the halls with a whoop, James, and Peter following him laughing.

Remus thought about joining but he was still terribly sore and the last thing he needed was to somehow slip and get even more banged up. Besides, his friends were running towards potions which Remus somehow just couldn't make himself do since he dreaded and always tried to put off going to that class as long as he possibly could without being late.

"Remus wait up."

He froze going cold and scolded himself for not dashing after his friends and their reckless boyish abandon he couldn't even pretend to have. He didn't want to face Lily, but it's not like he could hide from her until his face healed, well at least not practically anyways.

"H…..hi Lily."

He turned around, though by the sound of her voice she was still quite a way further down the hall than him. Maybe this way he wouldn't see so blatantly the shock and hurt that would appear on her face. He tried not to look as her footsteps stopped abruptly.

Lily knew.

He was nearly certain of this uncomfortable fact now. She had woken him and saved lives, though Madam Pomfrey had assured him he would have been into the Shrieking Shack long before that became a possibility. But still Lily had woken up Remus knowing exactly why it was so important.

"Are…...of course you aren't alright. Um is there anything I can do?" she sounded as sad as he knew she'd be, and also sounded sympathetic. But that just didn't make sense. She knew what he was and even though Lily had been sympathetic to dark creatures in class from day one part of him expected her to come after him with a mob and pitchforks.

He still couldn't meet her eyes. Did she know that he knew she knew?

Probably. It made simple interactions become a minefield of scary possibilities, he had to be careful not to make a misstep otherwise the whole situation would explode. Maybe she wanted something from him? To study him? He supposed she was studious enough. Perhaps for an extra credit assignment? His mind whirled, painfully aware of the long silence stretching between them.

Did she want him to admit it? How long had she known? Surely she wasn't playing with him? He thought better of her than that….right?

"Uh, Lily….."

"Oi Remus we…"

Remus cursed this terrible day as Sirius ran back to fetch him. He was possibly the only person that could make this situation any worse.

What if Lily told him? What if she already had?

Remus felt his chest constricting as the anxiety he'd been forcing down about her knowing threatened to choke him. He wasn't dying, even if it felt a bit like he was at the moment, though Lily could kill him if she wished, by simply reporting him. Because then he wouldn't be at Hogwarts anymore, and that, Remus decided, was worse than death.

"Hi Sirius," Lily called cheerfully to Sirius as if she wasn't facing a monster in the hallways of the school. As if she wasn't fearful or disgusted. Remus' head spun faster, nothing made sense and he had to talk to her but he couldn't, he just couldn't.

"Glad to see you, Lily."

"You are?" She sounded surprised finally pulling her eyes away from him, leaving him some room to breathe. Marginal, but enough to get by without being reduced to gasping at the feeling of death clawing at him which led to him feeling some relief. Although there was another part of him that wanted to scold her for turning her eyes away from a monster who knew you knew what it was, hadn't she learned anything during their D.A.D.A class last year?

"Yeah, cuz I'm going to steal Remus for my partner in potions today," Sirius explained. He didn't ask, didn't make sure it was ok, just stated it as fact. Remus felt Sirius' hand clasp his and was grateful for the physical presence that kept him from collapsing where he stood.

"You alright?" Sirius asked, sounding like he knew he wasn't.

"Yes," he gasped out shakily, betraying that he really wasn't if Sirius didn't already know. But what else was he supposed to say? "No Sirius, I may have just lost a friend and if I upset Lily I may have even lost everything."

"Why'd you want to sit next to me?" he asked instead, forcing himself to sound calm since he was now beyond the possibility of being calm. But at least he could sound calm, that was something, something to grasp onto as the hall both seemed to tilt and close in on him at the same time.

"I need a reason to want to sit next to my best friend?" Sirius laughed.

Did it sound forced or was Remus imagining it?

"It does if your best friend is the world's worst student at potions," Remus pointed out, blissfully sounding calm. He thought about pointing out to Sirius that he could walk now, that they could stop holding hands. Only Remus didn't want to stop holding Sirius' hand, it felt secure and safe, he needed that, he desperately needed safe. So he didn't point it out just let Sirius still gently tug him along, Lily left behind.

"Think mighty high of yourself there do you?" Sirius scoffed.

"I call it as I see it," he pointed out, sounding less teasing, more low self-esteem then he'd meant it too.

"Well I'm good enough for the both of us," Sirius retorted, sounding amused, thankfully letting Remus' prior - almost too serious - comment pass.

"Think mighty high of yourself there do you?" he asked back, finding it easier to breathe now. Sirius glanced over his shoulder at him smirking.

"I call it as I see it," he replied cheerfully.

Remus smiled back as they turned the corridor meeting up with the rest of the class which was oddly waiting outside. Sirius dropped Remus' hand quickly, in a fashion that left him feeling as if they were doing something they weren't supposed to. James was looking at them smiling with a little wave to signal them to come over. Sirius cleared his throat and Remus thought his face looked a little red before his friend went ahead without him and he was left to maneuver his way through unrelenting students, alone.


	30. Chapter Thirty: A Matter of Maturity

Chapter Thirty: A Matter of Maturity

"Finally made it Remus. You ought to elbow people, it's very effective," James teased, holding up his arms bent in example.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked peering around. "Where's ol' Sluggy?"

"We don't know." Peter shrugged and Remus wondered if just maybe his day was getting better.

"Maybe he canceled class because of the visitors," Remus dared to voice his hopeful opinion out loud.

Why did Sirius look disappointed over that?

Remus shook his head, he really must be out of it still because there was no way Sirius, of all people, would ever be disappointed to miss class. James maybe, since he pretended not to but he enjoyed most of the classes. Peter, no he was another one who would never be disappointed about missing class except maybe History of Magic since that was basically just time to nap for him.

If there was no class Remus could go to the library, except Lily would most likely go there so he'd go outside instead and get his Transfiguration homework done, which sounded much nicer than battling down the revulsion and uncomfortableness that assaulted him everytime he walked through the door.

"Scuse me. Excuse me coming through."

Guess not.

"Professor everything ok?" Lily seemed to be one of the few students who actually sincerely cared about their professors' wellbeing.

"The visitors better not have already arrived," James muttered, sounding thoroughly put out about that possibility. Professor Slughorn chuckled as he fumbled with his keys.

"No, Mr. Potter the schools will arrive at dinner, they do like to put on a memorable first appearance. I'm late because I was escorting a few first years who broke into my storage cupboards to detention," he explained while opening the door and letting the students in.

"Delivering them to detention? Now?" called a surprised student.

"Yes, well Hagrid decides when he needs students to help him in the Forbidden Forest and sometimes his tasks are time-sensitive."

"But don't they have to go to class," Sirius pointed out innocently enough but Remus knew exactly what he was thinking, even without the excited smile flashed his way.

"Now Mr. Black I assure you that the detention I assigned is in fact a punishment."

Maybe Professor Slughorn was more aware of what went on in his class than Remus had originally thought.

"Ah, Miss Evans already ready for our class I see. Where's your partner Mr….. er Mr. Lunin?"

Remus sighed, then again maybe not.

"Sitting with me today, professor, we have to share him since he's so popular."

Several students laughed and Remus felt his face burn as he hurriedly sat down next to Sirius. If there was one class he didn't want attention brought to him in it was potions class!

"Ah yes, yes well everyone hurry up we have a particularly difficult potion to make and…."

"What did you do that for?" Remus whispered to Sirius angrily.

Sirius just shrugged, giving him a look that suggested he honestly didn't see the problem with what he just did. Remus sighed again, reminding himself that just because it was normal to want to throttle your friends on occasion didn't mean it should be done.

"I try not to bring attention to myself in this class."

"Why?" Sirius asked his eyes narrowing slightly and getting that intense look in them that made Remus very worried about Sirius' real motives for sitting next to him today.

"...because I suck at potions…" he said slowly letting out a soft laugh. He really had gotten used to the nauseating smell of wolfsbane in the classroom and unless he thought about it the pounding headache and lack of focus just became a background distraction, he just had to work to keep there.

"Right, right of course how had I forgotten. How many cauldrons have you burned through now Remus?" Sirius grinned and Remus relaxed, his friend no longer looking at him at all as he began to measure out ingredients.

"Five….or maybe seven….no more than nine point five," Remus teased, causing Sirius to let out a snort of amusement into the cauldron as he dumped in the first ingredient. Remus tried to pay attention to what his friend was doing, tried to help him do it but Sirius was taking over with more skill than Peter did and less patience than Lily, who actually wanted Remus to learn, did. So his struggle to pay attention became more and more pointless.

"I know Lily knows whatever it is you won't tell us."

Remus had been in a pleasant state of sort of sleep which let the symptoms of wolfsbane grow hazy rather than just be prominently in the background. At Sirius' whispered statement, however, he jerked back fully into consciousness, hitting his elbow hard on the cauldron.

"Geez, careful. Look I'm not going to interrogate you about it. I said you had until the end of the year and I mean it. Just listen will you." Remus shut his mouth focusing on the cauldron that was starting to boil. "I know she knows and found out recently. Or maybe not recently but I'm guessing you just found out she knows. Right?"

Remus hesitated then nodded wondering where this was going if not down the road of interrogation.

"Finally got something right," he heard Sirius whisper under his breath and wondered if he was talking about the potion or Remus.

"Sirius I didn't tell her."

"I know that," Sirius said impatiently, quickly picking up the ladle and turning it clockwise twice.

"Then what…." Remus began truly puzzled as to what was happening, both with the potion and Sirius.

"Just give me a minute. This is harder than I thought it would be, much harder."

Remus' nerves grew but he waited patiently as Sirius crushed wartcap powder in the pestle, once more unsure if his friend was talking about him or the potion.

"Now it just needs to turn red," he mumbled under his breath before turning back to Remus, idly turning the ladle clockwise in the meantime. Remus swallowed trying not to panic.

"You should talk to Lily."

Remus froze absolutely stunned, of all things he thought Sirius would say from not being his friend anymore to telling Remus he was a goblin, the least of all things he expected to hear was….that!

"You…..what?" he asked dumbfounded, wondering if he'd misheard. Maybe he meant "talk to me", maybe this was interrogation time after all.

"Ugh don't make me say it again. Look I know you. You aren't going to talk to her, you're going to avoid and ignore her, and whatever it is she found out you shouldn't do it," Sirius explained sounding as if this was physically paining him. "So instead actually give her a chance. I think she can help you or maybe help you feel better about whatever it is because whatever it is it isn't your fault. So yeah you...her…..talk…..yeah….," he finished lamely looking as uncomfortable as Remus felt.

He wasn't quite sure how to handle this since it was so unexpected. But this wasn't a joke. Sirius was dead serious about this, even though he didn't know and no doubt hated that Lily did, he was honestly putting Remus' feelings first which was extremely touching, and foolish because his friend didn't understand at all what was going on.

"Sirius I…."

"Whatever it is she'll be nice about it. I was pissing her off and she was still nice...mostly. Only don't tell James since I've been….ahem requested strongly not to talk to him about Lily...ever again. Now don't argue, I swear if you argue I'll scream. Talking to her can't be more painful than me telling you to. I'm being mature dammit so reward me for it."

Remus wasn't sure whether to scream himself or start laughing.

"Alright."

"And whatever it is however bad it is she will handle it. She's a capable witch but don't tell her that or I'll kill you."

"Sirius."

"I mean she went after me after the howler which was nice and I mean like….whatever it is you need to talk to someone."

"Sirius," Remus sighed heavily, amusement winning over frustration.

How was he supposed to agree if Sirius wouldn't let him?

"And I mean I know it's hurting you so.."

"Sirius!" Remus shouted a bit louder now in alarm, grabbing Sirius' hand to stop his incessant stirring.

"Huh? What?"

"You said potion needs to be red. It's brown now."

"Bloody hell!"

"Also I said I'll talk to her, you're right."

"I am? I mean of course I am! I'm always right. You should heed this lesson young one."

Remus rolled his eyes grinning then fell quiet trying to think through the many different scenarios that could play out with his talk with Lily after dinner.

...

"I'm more mature than you~!" he sang mockingly to James who had turned in a perfectly red fire protection potion at the end of class while he and Remus had turned in….well it didn't matter... since he had won.

"How are you more mature than me?" James asked argumentatively. Sirius had already explained twice how but James didn't get it because he was just that immature.

"I'm not explaining again."

"I could have suggested the same thing to Remus with more ease than you did," James snapped a bit, annoyed since Sirius had sort of.. well….already gone back on his promise not to mention Lily to James. But it had only been to explain, so he could properly rub in James' face his awesome mature behavior.

"Aha! But because it was harder for me it makes me more mature."

"That doesn't even make sense," James scoffed.

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Peter asked, catching up to them having attempted to wait behind for Remus who had to go to the bathroom, probably to throw up. Sirius remembered how it had felt to tell his friends his family hurt him, beat him, he had nearly thrown up too and as much as he hated to admit it... whatever Remus had to tell them seemed worse.

"How I'm better than Sirius."

"Hey!"

"What do you say, Peter. Am I better?"

"No fair, Peter is biased."

"Oh….uh guys food," Peter yelped and rushed ahead of them.

"Now look what you did," Sirius laughed and James shrugged, stopping him before they entered.

"You did a good job, Sirius. That wasn't easy for you but I think you're right, it's what Remus needs. You're the more mature one."

Sirius' mouth open in surprise and he grinned.

"Aw, thanks J…."

"HAHA! Now I'm more mature!" James shouted in victory, several Ravenclaw girls tittering at them as they entered the Great Hall, at least Sirius hoped it was at both of them. Those visitors could not come soon enough.

"Oh! It's dinner," Sirius realized suddenly. James gave him a weird look.

"UH….yeah?"

"That means the visitors will be arriving any minute."

"Oh yeah!"

Suddenly who was more mature didn't matter and they both rushed into the Great Hall to join Peter who looked very relieved to see they weren't bickering anymore.

"Do you think Remus will make it?" James asked, glancing at the door to the Great Hall with barely contained anticipation. Sirius hoped their seats were good enough to see the excitement. He better see some students flying in on dragons or something.

"Oh there he is!" Peter shouted as Remus slipped in with the last small group of stragglers taking his seat beside Peter with a sheepish smile. He looked pale, but really Remus always looked pale.

"Make sure you eat a lot of food, you haven't been eating much," he scolded Remus who agreed to do so just as a shout broke forth from one, and then several students. The shouting grew louder as more people picked it up until Sirius could finally hear what everyone was shouting on top of one another.

"THEY ARE HERE!"

Professors shouted for order but no one listened, the whole of the Great Hall rushing to the windows. Sirius hopped from the Gryffindor bench onto the Hufflepuff table ignoring Professor McGonagall's shout. He was delighted to find he wasn't the only one as James joined him with a wicked grin. Chaos unfolded as students clambered over one another, each trying to see outside the windows which could only fit so many.

Peter, who apparently had been trying to avoid the crowd the same way as James and Sirius, misstepped and fell to the ground with a crack. James turned to see if Peter was ok so Sirius kept on going, his excitement rising as he hopped down into the crowd, since McGonagall was threatening suspension if he didn't get down right now. Elbowing his way through the crowd, he managed to get close.

It was all sorts of unfair that the Slytherins had the least distance to go and therefore the best spots to see out the windows!

"Sirius over here," came Regulus' voice and Sirius spun looking for his little brother. "Over here."

There he was! He was nearly swallowed by the older and bigger students standing around him since his brother really was very short, but at least he had been able to spot him in the chaos. Sirius grinned seeing Regulus grin at him. Perhaps all was forgiven after their last meeting, Sirius hoped so, he certainly wouldn't mind having his little brother to talk to, he would know everything going on back home at the very least.

"Saved me a seat?"

"Sort of."

He clasped Regulus' hand, see James not just couples hold hands, and let his little brother tug him to a large window where he tried to ignore the other Slytherin first years. At least they were ignoring his existence or had honestly not noticed him yet. Suddenly a large carriage swooped from the sky, the shape of it as if it should be pulled by pegasi or something but nothing was there. Several students gasped, pointing, and a few were whispering something about creatures pulling the carriage which didn't make sense.

"Look!" someone cried pointing to the Black Lake where a large ovular contraption had appeared, even surrounded by Slytherins he heard whispers of something called a submarine. Both carriage and submarine seemed huge, the carriage black with a sort of mysterious vibe to it while the sub-ma-whatsit was a neon blue that seemed a stark contrast to the dark waters of Hogwarts' lake.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE BACK TO YOUR SEATS. WE ALSO ARE MAKING FIRST IMPRESSIONS AND I KNOW NONE OF YOU WANT HOGWARTS TO BE SEEN AS SLOPPY AND ILL MANNERED," Dumbledore thundered cheerfully, his voice booming across the Great Hall.

It didn't take more than that for everyone to head back to their seats. Sirius decided he would not hop on the tables this time, if he had heard Professor McGonagall correctly, right he now had detention for a week... but it had been so worth it! A carriage pulled by nothing appearing out of nowhere and sus-ma-something coming from the lake's depths, it had been amazing to witness it.

"Sirius, can we meet up soon?" Regulus asked, sounding unsure.

"Sure Reg, just let your jailer know when you want to see me," he replied a bit bitterly but made sure to smile at Regulus so his brother didn't think it was directed at him. Regulus wore a slightly disapproving look, it was unnerving how his expressions seemed to mirror Sissy's more and more.

This time Sirius had to behave; he just couldn't let the only exposure his brother had to be Slytherins. Maybe if things went well next time he could convince Regulus to let him bring his friends since it was a bit awkward with just his brother and him.

He waved goodbye to Regulus and was jostled back and forth as he made his way back to his table. Peter had bloody napkins stuffed up his nose sitting next to Remus who was comforting him while glancing longingly at the book he'd probably rather be reading.

"Guys, guys you won't believe what I saw!" Peter looked up, eyes glittering with excitement, and Remus looked politely interested. "Wait where is James?"

Suddenly someone flung their arm around his neck and he ducked grinning, pulling away from James' almost headlock.

"Just got back from watching the submarine and carriage!" James called excitedly, stealing Sirius' thunder, "no thanks to you," he added playfully and Sirius shrugged.

"Isn't it awesome though?"

"Did you say submarine?" Lily asked loudly over the still commotion as students went back to their seats and prefects cleaned up spilled food and drinks. It sure would be funny if the visiting schools could see them now.

"Yeah, why?" Sirius asked, noticing Remus had picked up his book, possibly to hide from Lily. He hoped his stubborn friend actually talked to her, well he didn't, but at the same time he did.

"Well, that's…..odd. Durmstrang comes by a large ship, not a submarine."

Sirius would have dismissed her concerns since maybe Durstrang wanted to give the ship a break? But, he caught Remus suppressing a smile, the sort of smile he had when he actually wanted to share information, usually some witty comeback, but was waiting for the right moment.

Sirius leaned across the table snatching Remus' book away, realizing too late he was also exposing his friend to Lily. Remus and Lily glanced at each other, nervousness clearly in both their expressions and worry. They were both worried about how them talking would go, now that was odd. Why would that be the case?

"You know something. Dumbledore said something to you. Now spill it."

"You'll find out in a minute," Remus sighed, no longer denying the fact.

"Yeah, so it doesn't matter. You kept Dumbledore's secret, woohoo for you, now spill!"

Remus hesitated for a second then gave in with excitement. Sirius listened confused then excited but by the end, outraged.

Apparently others had known what Remus did or knew enough like Lily that they puzzled it out because when Dumbledore made the announcement there was no longer shock among the majority, only frustration to downright outrage.

"Now everyone I encourage you not to take the matter personally. Let us all try to have a good time and remember the Triwizard Tournament is all about expanding cultural ties and friendships. We can either be upset and show that to our guests who have come a very long way or we can smile and greet them as warmly as I hope each of you would be greeted if you ever find yourself visiting their schools."

That made sense but it still felt wrong….

"I don't understand, what's so bad about it?" Remus asked, confused, looking embarrassed about not knowing what it was until he realized Lily didn't know either. Sirius could see the moment when they both realized this was wizard information they simply hadn't been privy to and, realizing at the same time they hadn't somehow failed with their research they'd no doubt had done on the tournament. He was pretty sure if he questioned them that together they could list all the years of all the tournaments and the names of the winners.

Before Sirius could explain the door to the Great Hall opened.

Everyone was back in their seats now but there was a slight difference of opinions on how to approach the guests. Some Gryffindors and Ravenclaws weren't clapping though most were. Unsurprisingly the Slytherins didn't clap, so not wanting to be like them Sirius clapped extra hard with enough other students that it made up for the difference.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One: The Visitors Finally Arrive

Chapter Thirty-One: The Visitors Finally Arrive

A row of witches and wizards entered, long dark blue robes covered up by weird wooly red sweaters. They looked comfortable and yet still fashionable enough to look professional somehow. Most of the students looked to be sixth or seventh years, though a few younger ones could have passed for as young as fourth years. As they entered the Great Hall a plump smiling woman spoke casually but in a voice that boomed like Dumbledore.

"Thank you for your warm welcome. We understand we are not who you expected and apologize for the confusion. We have come on Durmstrang's behalf due to ….personal issues which prevented them from attending. We are happy to be here and we are the Abraeselts of Abraes Academy in Norway."

Another round of polite clapping arrived as all the students entered the halls then everyone fell quiet as all the lights went out. Sirius heard Remus inhale sharply and actually reach for his wand as if expecting an attack. Feeling a little foolish he hadn't had the same knee jerk reaction, although neither did James, he relaxed as brilliant lights danced through the Great Hall, a pleasant greenish glow which alternated between bluish-green and almost purple.

"The Northern Lights," Remus whispered in awe as a sort of refreshing chill filled the Great Hall as if they were somewhere else as if they were in the north watching the lights in the wilderness.

All the Abraeselts started chanting in soft pleasant voices, some language he didn't understand but which sounded nice regardless. Little candles sprung up from the students whose chanting had become louder and more melodic. Suddenly the northern thing exploded colors bursting throughout the hall, wrapping around random students, moving their way throughout the whole population. A burst of green light swept across Sirius making him feel really warm.

Snowflakes started falling and melted as soon as they touched a student or table, melting into nothing though, not leaving anyone with so much as a drop of melted snow on them. As the northern lights vanished and the chanting died down again the snow collected into the middle of the Great Hall spinning around and around. Suddenly a large plump man with a twinkle in his eye that could match Dumbledore's appeared with a greeting of deep laughter. Sirius gaped in disbelief at the jolly man with a white beard and large red suit.

"Holy shit they brought us Santa," he whispered in disbelief, wondering vaguely if presents would accompany this spectacle. The chanting ceased with the appearance of the man who announced himself as Headmaster Christolph, causing the hall to explode into ecstatic cheering and clapping, even from the Slytherins.

"I don't think that's really Santa," James pointed out but he sounded unsure. Dumbledore embraced the old man as if they were best of friends, which just increased Sirius' suspicions the plump man was Santa.

"I can't wait to ask the students if they randomly get presents. Reckon I can transfer if they do?"

Remus and James laughed while Peter was clapping too hard to catch what Sirius had said.

"What a wonderful introduction Headmaster Christolph, thank you for that spectacular display. Now if your students will please take your seats."

Sirius blinked confused, but suddenly there was a fifth table in the Great Hall, though the hall itself didn't seem any more crowded.

"Thank you for your hospitality, hohoho, we're very pleased to be here."

Sirius grabbed James' arm shaking him.

"It's Santa, it has to be bloody Santa, he just ho ho'd," Sirius shouted as James just gaped in awe.

Soon the Abraeselts had taken their seats, their headmaster joining the table of professors. Sirius could hardly wait for the next school, no longer caring about their status, much. Well not if they had really brought them Santa!

Just as the chatter died down, to as quiet as it could possibly be with the current level of excitement, the Great Hall door opened again and students gave out screams of surprise. There were fewer students in this school, dressed in blood orange robes with red-orange cords of rope wrapped around their shoulders. But the shocking thing wasn't their robes or even the fact there were only men, what was shocking was they were riding some sort of creature that seemed to be a cross of a pig and a wolf. A furry creature with a tail like a wolf but the size of a pig with a snout more pig-like than wolf-like. They were well behaved, remaining calm even though some of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were able to reach out and pet them and did.

A tall skinny woman followed on foot with reddish-blond hair and a staff that every time it hit the ground let out sparks.

"I am Headmaster Nadine. We are the Digores of Digore Institute of Magic located in the heart of Romania."

There were gasps of awe following that statement and Sirius immediately grew so excited that he couldn't sit still. He glanced at James who looked just as excited, Romania meant dragons!

"We take wizards and witches throughout the world who wish to work as Magizoologists or in a related field, though most students come from our own homeland. We've traveled far in the skies to be here and we thank you for the reception. Please enjoy our performance."

Then she smashed the staff to the ground and the sparks burst forth forming flames that leaped around the Great Hall. Flames danced and wrestled with each other briefly before gathering into a huge ball, the heat from which Sirius could feel, and which rotated slowly before it unfurled into a giant dragon made of flames.

Wolf-pig creatures began to howl, sounding exactly like wolves while the young men, and what now he could see were also women with very short hair, stood atop the creatures pulling off their cords. They snapped their cords like whips and shadows leaping from them shot towards the fiery dragon to wrap around it, slowly chaining the flailing beast. As Sirius watched he realized not only were the cords of smoke chaining the beast, they were slowly shrinking it as well.

Just when Sirius had decided the other performance was better the fire dragon opened its mouth spitting fire that swept the whole of the Great Hall, the individual fireballs forming into tiny dragons which stalked across the different house tables before the howls of the wolves reached a sort of haunting crescendo and the fire dragon exploded. The little dragons followed suit but left tiny miniature eggs behind of all sorts of colors.

Remus picked up a sleek black one in front of him looking amazed if not a bit confused. Sirius looked around for an egg to grab in front of him but they were spaced out sparingly.

Lily had one though that was black as midnight and star constellations seemed to cover it, and Dorcas had one that was a dusty gold color but as far as he could see they were the only Gryffindors. Then again, it looked like two older students had tucked them quickly into their bags which he wasn't sure was a smart move or not. What if they exploded?

"Take these eggs as a gift though we don't have enough for all students. You will find if you solve the riddle the replica eggs will hatch into replica dragons, little lifelike figurines for your pleasure. This is a tradition in our lands and we respectfully ask that the dragons are treated with respect, we use them in our research of the real dragons of Romania and while no real harm can come from them they will bite if misused."

There was a ripple of nervous and excited laughter. Sirius' envy grew times ten, though at least Remus had an egg. That meant they'd have a replica dragon in their dorm. So cool! Only the dragon better not mess with Elvis or there would be hell to pay.

"Welcome, Nadine. Welcome, all!" Dumbledore called warmly offering his hand to the headmaster who shook it. There was more of a distance between them which suggested Dumbledore wasn't friends with her which Sirius wasn't surprised by. Other than letting dragon tamers live there they were a mysterious and secretive country. "Now please take your seats and enjoy the feast with dishes from your own countries and some famous dishes of our own."

Once all the students were seated Dumbledore clapped his hands and a feast like Sirius had never seen at Hogwarts before appeared exotic dishes, one after the other. Peter's mouth began to drool and Sirius' belly grumbled in appreciation. He pushed aside a dish of fish and chips and dug into one that smelled of spices.

"This is fanshashtic," James exclaimed his plate already full, a large bit of some sort of lamb dish on his fork.

"I'm glad I didn't miss this," Remus whispered more to himself, tucking the dragon's egg into his bag with such care that convinced Sirius he'd never ask to be the owner of the egg since his friend would probably give it to him assuring him he didn't care. But it was plain by the way he wrapped the egg up as if worried it would break that Remus would mind whether he'd say so or not.

"So what is wrong with these schools being here?" Lily asked, coming over with a plate overflowing with food and sitting next to Remus who lowered his spoonful of food suddenly looking ill.

"Lily piss off, we're trying to enjoy our dinner," Sirius muttered gesturing to Remus pointedly who stared at his plate, too nervous it seemed, to even meet Lily's eyes. When he found out whatever it was he vowed he wouldn't make Remus feel like that! By the time Remus told them, or they figured it out, his friend would already be so comfortable with them that he wouldn't mind. Lily glanced at Remus and grimaced looking guilty.

"I'll go back to the girls in a moment," she assured him, looking like she wanted to pull Remus into a hug, not that he could really fault her for that.

"Fine," he huffed, looking longingly at his food he'd yet to dig into while Peter was on his second plate already. It all smelled so good! Lily better not ask a bazillion questions and drag this out.

"So wizarding schools are ranked. There are the top schools, the main schools if you will, which have the best programs and the most students." As well as better rates of wizard career employment even of those in different ministries of magic, but if Sirius said that it would just be bragging.

"Yes, so?"

"So," Sirius said with forced patience. "These schools that came aren't ranked top. The fact the top schools sent them is like a huge insult. Basically they are saying their lesser school counterparts can beat us. That we're that weak."

Lily gasped, rightly offended and Remus looked up frowning.

"I don't think it's that….or not that entirely.."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked gently, encouragingly. Remus flinched and Sirius almost told her to piss off again.

"I think this has less to do with the tournament and more to do with….well the war going on. Dumbledore wants allies. So the larger schools sending these schools might be their way of insulting us, denying help, or sending schools that perhaps can help?" he mused moving his fork around the food on his plate, in an excuse not to have to meet Lily's eyes.

"Yeah, but we don't know which is which," James piped in, being as careful at avoiding Lily's eyes as Remus.

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter. It's not these schools' faults the bigger schools didn't come."

"True, true, now go back so I can eat," Sirius shooed her, ignoring her eyes roll and her pained look at Remus before leaving.

"It would be neat if this was sending support for the war but these two schools are known to be blood purists, not that they are death eaters necessarily, just less likely to fight on our side."

"How do you know this?" Sirius asked, amused, he only knew about three other wizarding schools, and those were all top tier ones.

"How do you not know mate? Didn't your family tutor you on that stuff? Being pureblood and all."

Sirius shook his head confused.

"My dad says that as purebloods we have a responsibility to….what is it he says….oh yeah carry the history of our ancestors. To learn and do better by that history."

"Well, that explains why I don't know these schools. In my family, the only responsibility 'we' have is to other 'noble and worthy' families. Pretty much the rest of the world can go to hell for all they care," Sirius explained more bitterly than he intended by the end of it. "Enough talking. Shut up and let me eat," he barked digging into his food with gusto, ignoring James laughing at him.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two: Hard to Swallow Truths

Chapter Thirty-Two: Hard to Swallow Truths

With more pushing from Sirius, as unlikely as that still seemed, Remus found himself walking to the library after the festivities were over. He was sure he was more full than he'd ever been in his life and he'd barely touched ¼ of the dishes, though he'd managed to try a bit of all the desserts.

He hoped Lily had decided to just go to bed after the silly 'get to know your neighbor' questions some of the prefects surprised the hall with, in a joint attempt to get the schools to mingle. He wanted to go to bed himself, completely drained from maneuvering the cramped chaos in the hall, even with all the tables magically removed.

"Remus."

He jumped, not expecting to have beaten her there, not expecting her to be behind him.

"Lily...I...we need to talk."

"Yes, I know."

"Not here though," he added quickly, having realized that this might be Sirius' latest ploy.

He could all but see his three nosy friends crammed under the invisibility cloak listening in for some tidbit they could use. He felt bad for thinking that way about his friends but it didn't deny the possibility it might happen. So with Lily's agreement, they went down to the grounds instead. They walked in unpleasant silence for a while. A silence that normally would have been pleasant between them but simply too much was being left unsaid at the moment for there to be anything but tension from it.

Remus finally realized Lily wasn't going to say anything first. She was, in fact, going to let Remus decide if and when he wanted to talk. He was both grateful for this and deeply annoyed since it just made it even harder to talk to her.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"I….uh…"

Remus didn't want to say it, he didn't want to have this conversation at all. But even without Sirius' insistence, he would have talked to her about it, eventually, because he was pretty sure it was more stressful not to know her feelings on the topic, at least he hoped so.

"It's alright Remus. If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to. Either way is fine by me."

She said it so matter of fact as if it really was that easy. He turned around to face her, never having been quite so angry with her than he was in the moment.

"I don't want to talk about it but I have to, Lily. I don't know what you're going to do about it otherwise!" he explained sounding stressed when he had meant to sound calm.

"Do?" She looked at him confused, "what do you mean Remus?"

He inhaled deeply forcing himself to remain calm, his emotions may be growing stronger but that just meant his control had to as well.

"Are you going to report me?"

Her momentary alarm turned into tears and Remus took a step back half expecting her to confess she already had based on her reaction.

"Oh, Remus! How could you suggest such a thing?! I mean I know how you could but….but it's me. Don't you know I'd never do anything to hurt you?" He nodded feeling dangerously close to tears now himself. "Then why would you think I would?" she earnestly asked, wanting to understand, to understand him, all of him.

Remus swayed dangerously, struggling to stay calm.

"Might…...most…...not hurting me…...view it that way…," he stammered, his teeth chattering too hard from sheer nerves to be much clearer. Luckily, or unluckily, Lily seemed to understand. More tears ran down her cheeks.

"Remus, of course, I'd view it as hurting you! Dumbledore knows?" he nodded and she looked thoughtful. "I figured as much because of the tree."

"How did you know about the tree?" he asked alarmed, wondering for one horrible second if rumors had spread. Lily looked apologetic, gesturing toward the direction of the Whomping Willow which was luckily out of sight, Remus hated looking at it.

"I did the math once I figured it out."

"How did you figure it out?" he asked a bit harshly, feeling better when he was the one asking questions. Though he imagined she had her fair share for him.

"I was…..not really suspecting for a while but well I knew something was up. We all thought it was your mother... but the fact that you got sick.." She thankfully could tell that explaining it all was just causing him pain and stopped putting quite so much detail behind it. "Because Professor Blavatnik assigned me extra credit on werewolves, he knew what you were and wanted me to figure it out. I was getting close anyway tracking the moon cycles but….well, I didn't want to be right."

Remus hung his head feeling tears, no longer possible to hold back, slowly make their way down his cheeks.

"Because I'm a monster…," he whispered, personally not blaming her. Who'd want to accept their friend was a monster, that was probably the one thing that was leading to his other friends taking so long to figure it out.

He nearly leaped out of his skin as suddenly Lily's arms were wrapped tight around him, hugging him, hugging a monster.

"No!" she sobbed sounding far more distraught over this than Remus could have ever had imagined her being. In his dreams when she found out she always shed a few tears then never spoke to him again, or in his nightmares, she did turn him into the ministry.

"No? No what? And what are you going to do?" he asked, beginning to feel panicky just because nothing was going how he had expected it to. It was like he had always found certain dreadful stability in the fact his friends would leave him if he told them. It was a terrible certainty, a heavy boulder on his shoulders but he'd come to accept it as fact.

Now Lily had casually thrown the boulder off Remus as if it never should have been there in the first place, with simply her tears. This lack of boulder left him dizzy and lightheaded from the sheer change in weight. Worst still was the possibility Remus could be wrong and her tears were for some unrelated reason and she somehow still did hate him, or at the very least feared him enough to stay away.

"No, you aren't a monster. No, I can't believe someone has convinced you so much that you were that you'd believe I'd feel the same. And now what? I'll tell you now what if it was Black and Potter that made you feel this bad I'll …"

"No, no, it wasn't them," he assured her quickly, hating how high pitched his voice sounded. Lily let out a sigh relaxing.

"Oh good. I had hoped not since they really don't seem to know still."

"They don't know," he explained since that was safer than addressing the silent question of who then had convinced him he was a monster. Somehow he didn't think answering 'society' would cut it for her, not with the bits and pieces she already knew about his family.

"I'm sorry Remus, they say such awful things around you…"

"It's alright, I'm used to it."

She shuddered against him, her tiny fists gripping the cloth of his robe tighter.

"Oh please don't say that. Remus, I could never hate you. You're one of the kindest people I know, the exact opposite of a monster…"

"But…," he began only to be cut off firmly by her.

"No! You don't get any 'but', there are no buts to be had. You have a disease Remus, something you never asked for and something you certainly shouldn't have to deal with. But this doesn't define you, you're more than your lycanthropy. You know that right?"

He hesitated, unsure how to answer honestly without causing a fresh wave of tears.

"Right?" she asked again her voice several octaves higher now.

"I'm….I'm beginning to see that…," he replied warily.

"How old were you when you were bitten?"

Remus inhaled sharply, the one question he had expected in every scenario and she had still somehow managed to throw him off by asking it.

"A few years….," he mumbled noncommittally.

Lily finally let him go and he worried that he had angered her. Only she had pulled away not to leave but to look at him with her earnest piercing eyes.

"I know I'm crying right now but that doesn't mean I'm not strong enough to hear the truth. Please trust me, Remus, haven't I earned that much trust?"

She had, of course, she had, but it was more complex than that. Talking about, voicing it, meant there were more emotions and fears and memories tied tight and shoved down his throat everytime he tried to speak about it so that it felt like he was literally gagging on the truth.

"Four….a...almost five though," he added at the look of utter horror that crossed her face.

"Four," she whispered, sounding haunted.

"A….almost five…," he added again regretting telling her this immediately.

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry. That must have been so scary for you…..and it's so painful every time."

He didn't answer since there wasn't really a question there and he didn't think Lily would benefit from him explaining just how painful the transformations were or on the fact he hadn't just been bitten by Greyback, he had been abducted and tortured.

"It's alright I grew…..," he trailed off realizing how upset it had made her to hear 'I'm used to it' last time. "It….got easier with time…"

No need to mention it was slowly getting harder now, a steady downward spiral which Remus was beginning to fear would just lead to death for him.

"Here I am crying and I'm supposed to be comforting you," she sniffed, sounding very frustrated with herself. Remus cringed to hear her be so hard on herself.

"I've had basically my whole life to get used to the idea while you've had a few minutes," he offered her a watery smile, his tears no longer falling though.

"I've known for months though and I've been going over and over in my head how to bring it up or if I should bring it up?" she admitted still sounding frustrated with herself and her tears which didn't stop falling.

"Yes, but there's knowing, Lily, and then there's knowing."

Lily looked ready to protest then realized she really couldn't and closed her mouth.

"I'm still sorry Remus. I want you to know I'm here if you need anything...if you want to talk about it or….," she trailed off clasping his hand firmly in hers.

Remus was still just adjusting to the idea that she didn't hate him, it was strange.

"I don't like to talk about it…," he began gently, her face crestfallen with disappointment. "But you could….visit in the hospital wing…. afterward…...if…...if you want….," he finished nervously, all of this feeling distinctively very wrong.

"Oh yes! I can do that and I can do more research on werewolves and…"

"No!" Remus shouted in horror. "Please don't do that Lily….nothing you can do…..details….." He risked meeting her tear-filled eyes, "It's too much…..please…..please don't."

"Alright I won't," she sighed with a tone that suggested she had already done it. She realized the panic he felt over this and shook her head with a small sad smile. "I didn't find anything even remotely useful and absolutely nothing on adolescent werewolves. I…..I skipped the parts describing the transformations once it hinted how painful they were….."

"Leads to high pain tolerance," he explained with a forced grin hoping the conversation could become lighter now. But this wasn't his roommates; this was Lily whose concept of comic relief in the middle of a stressful conversation was greatly lacking.

"You should write a book, Remus, explaining the struggle. It could help those who come after you."

He blinked at her having never considered this idea, mostly because it was ludicrosity.

"Lily, no one wants to read the truth about werewolves. They want to read gore and mystery and…."

"I still think you should," she cut him off firmly, "it would be good for you to…uh well...to process I mean…"

"Lily, I've had my entire life to process." She blushed in shame and embarrassment, "but it's not a bad idea…," he relented, mostly to get her to stop looking so awkward.

It was a terrible idea but Lily didn't have to know he'd never ever write a book, even if it would help others. Remus simply wasn't that kind.

"So are you given the proper potions or…."

"Lily…." Remus flinched at the sharpness of this tone and let out a frustrated groan in no way directed at her. "Sorry, it's not you, it's just….." She looked at him expectantly not looking offended so he dared to press on, the reality that Lily was still going to be his friend beginning to make sense in a completely ridiculous way. "...it's exhausting thinking about this….let alone talking about it….."

"Oh," she whispered looking heartbroken.

"Not that we can't ever talk about it…," he added mentally kicking himself for opening the door to more invasive questions and awkward conversations. UGH!

Was there anything he wouldn't do to make someone more comfortable? Apparently he drew the line at not writing a book about his deepest darkest most painful secret. Yeah, that seemed a reasonable place to draw a line that should have been drawn long before that.

"I'm sorry Remus. You must have been very stressed knowing I knew and fearing…." She bit her lip to keep more tears from falling "I'll never stop being your friend Remus. Never. Alright?"

He nodded before considering if he actually believed it or not. She was still holding his hands, though didn't seem to realize this.

"Don't look so uncertain," she huffed, then grimaced "sorry it's not you, really it's not, it's just…"

"The situation? Yeah, it's pretty frustrating."

She made a choked sound and suddenly was hugging Remus again. It felt a bit more comfortable this time but Remus' head was pounding and he just wanted to go to sleep, maybe read a good book, then tomorrow he could delve into the implications of having a friend who knew. Of having Lily know and still care about him so...intensely.

"Yes, it is but we'll get through it. Not that you haven't been doing a fine job on your own...only you aren't alone anymore."

"I never was Lily, if I had been doing this alone I already would have been caught. And…..um….I never thanked you for the other night so….."

"Oh don't worry about it. Although I was surprised that you….I mean….."

"I think I had an allergic reaction to the sleeping draught."

She let go of him to give him a puzzled look.

"Allergic. No, it was more like an overdose. Momentary disorientation on waking, a sleep so deep you could sleep through a day, I imagine a killer headache afterward," she listed, counting on her fingers the symptoms, much more comfortable with this problem which could be properly addressed in a textbook.

"Well yeah…," he admitted, confused about it himself if he really considered it. "But that's not possible. I only took one and….," he trailed off as Lily covered her mouth, eyes widening in understanding. "What?"

"You took one? By yourself! What did Madam Pomfrey say when she found out?"

"She chewed my ear off first before I could even explain but once she found out she got all quiet for a minute and just told me I had to have her express permission first since I sort of got it from Frank and…..what?" he asked again unsure whether to be confused or amused.

Lily's eyes were wide as saucers now and it did look quite comical.

"Well of course she knows about…," Lily whispered to herself, her mouth still covered.

"Lily what?" he asked loudly, confusion turning into concern.

"You already take a sleeping draught."

Remus laughed at her with a hysterical laugh that found the comment much more amusing than it should have been.

"No, I don't. I think I'd know."

"Every morning. Or more specifically whatever meal you're sitting…"

She didn't have to explain further Remus finally understood.

"They've been drugging me!" he gasped deeply upset.

"Well…in a sense, yes but it was to help you…..I heard them talking about it and they were concerned about you not sleeping well and of course them not sleeping well because….," she trailed off coming dangerously close to bringing up nightmares and sweat-soaked sheets and screams ripped from Remus in the dead of night.

She knew she had almost brought up lycanthropy again and shifted, her eyes going past Remus and widening again.

"What?" he asked, an anger building inside him that surprised him. Madam Pomfrey had known. Well of course she did since they had to get the potions themselves. She must have realized it was actually for him. He also had a pretty good idea when it started and though deep down he understood why his friends had drugged him, the fact it had almost caused a disaster made him very angry.

"Three idiots have come to find you," Lily pointed out and Remus turned and finally had the appropriate targets to glare at. They were still too far away to see him, the last traces of the sunset casting their elongated shadows behind them and probably making it hard to see much of anything.

"I'm….I'm going to talk to them. Thank you for explaining Lily..and for...well for everything I….," Remus trailed off his concentration torn between how to deal with his roommates and Lily.

"I'll see you in the library to study this week?"

"And Severus?"

Lily's expression soured slightly when he glanced at her, understanding his implication.

"He doesn't know and he won't ever, I'll make sure of it."

Remus nodded.

"Thank you," he said again unsure how to properly express the confusing gratitude he felt to her staying, to her accepting him.

"No problem," she replied, sounding as awkward as he felt. He hoped this wasn't the typical atmosphere of them talking now, otherwise, it might be a while before Remus could study with her. "Well good luck," she called, walking the opposite direction Remus' roommates were coming from, leaving him feeling numb and exhausted.

"Wotcher Remus?" James called as if they didn't all know Remus had just had a heart to heart with Lily about the information they weren't yet privy to yet were dying to know. Remus considered his options, shouting at them would do no good, and he was dreadful at it anyways.

"Hi James," he called back in as cheerful a manner as he could manage, his three friends relaxing once they realized they weren't walking into a disaster. No, just a trap, he thought, scheming how best to make them pay.

"Things...go well with Lily then?" Sirius asked, a strange mix of hope and bitterness in his tone and an expression that made him look like he might explode.

"More or less. Surprised you lot didn't try to follow me in the cloak," he pointed out his anger at them turning to relief and amusement as the three glanced at each other followed by, varying in volume, shouts of frustration.

"WE'RE MORONS!"

"I WAS TRYING to suggest that to you James but you wouldn't…"

"Sirius how COULD WE let such a golden opportunity pass!"

Sure they were dramatic about it but Remus could tell they were earnest, especially Sirius who looked like he might kick something. James collapsed to the ground in wails of 'misery.'

"OH, WHY OH WHY DIDN'T WE THINK!"

"Shut up James!" Sirius snapped, easily the most irritated out of the three. As James rolled close to him on the grass Remus could see Sirius debating with himself if it was worth it to kick him.

"Do you guys want to visit Hagrid?" he asked suddenly, the suggestion surprising himself even as he asked it. But that would make it easier for Lily to sneak back into the castle without his roommates spotting her, well primarily Sirius, who she didn't need trying to wheedle information out of her, at least not tonight.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three: The Marauders are Born!

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Marauders are Born!

"Sure we can go see Hagrid we already had good food so…"

"Peter that's rude!' Remus gasped in mock surprise. Hagrid was wonderful but someone ought to tell him that his cooking and baking were used more often as weapons than sustenance.

"I'm up to some biscuit bomb wars," James replied abruptly, stopping his rolling and wailing, perhaps narrowly missing a foot in his face as a result.

"Yeah that's fine," Sirius muttered sulking now.

There was no flare of being dramatic when Sirius was truly and deeply upset, explosive anger at times, yes, but Remus could tell how hurt he was by the sheer quietness seeping off him as they walked to Hagrid's hut.

Strangely two students were coming out of the hut pockets no doubt weighed down with biscuits, Remus idly wondered if biscuit wars in which students threw the rock-like rolls at each other would catch on as a school-wide phenomenon, before realizing who the students were.

"Regulus?"

"Sirius? What are you doing here?'

"Coming to see Hagrid what are you doing here?"

"Oh well…."

"Wait just a second, that was you wasn't it!" Sirius exclaimed, sounding delighted. Remus wasn't sure what was happening but it distracted Sirius from licking his wounds so to speak so it was fine by him.

"Huh?"

"You got into detention for trying to practice potions didn't you?" Sirius asked grinning wickedly. Regulus blushed his little friend beside him going scarlet too.

"Well….sort of…," the younger Black concluded lamely. Remus wasn't sure what he expected from Regulus but it wasn't this shy young boy who was looking at Sirius with a dying hope for approval. Sirius startled laughing.

"You utter swat that….that's what you get detention for I can't believe it!"

"Hi Regulus, I'm a friend of your rude brother. I'm…"

"I know who you are," Regulus mumbled, shifting away from Remus' outstretched hand.

"Hey! Reggy be polite!" Sirius scolded his brother firmly.

"Says you!" Regulus snapped the nervousness and desire to be recognized on his face dying quickly.

"Come on Reggy let's get away from these blood traitors and mudb…" the young girl looked at Remus with disgust, going from looking like she was the kind of prissy girl to play with dolls to looking like she would rip them apart instead.

Remus shouldn't have been surprised by the hostility they were Slytherins after all, but they were so little, how could they already be filled with so much hate?

"His name is Remus and he's a better wizard than you'll ever be." James cut in defensively.

"Yeah, so keep your little friend on a short leash Regulus," Sirius muttered darkly, sending as strong a look of dislike at the girl as she had been sending Remus' way. Regulus looked lost for a second, glancing between the pretty little girl tugging impatiently on his arm to his brother's stern scowl.

"Come ON Reggy. It smells around them," the girl giggled and Regulus' eyes met Remus' analyzing him for a second before his face broke into a sneer.

"Well that might be my brother but point taken."

They were smart enough to start running as Sirius brandished his wand, in mere threat, though he looked upset enough that he might just cast a hex in their direction if they weren't already booking it back to the castle.

"YOU ANNOYING ICKY FIRSTIES! YOU'RE BOTH LAME ASS SWATS!" Sirius screamed after them, sounding a great deal like Patricia.

"It's fine Sirius he's just trying to fit in, he…"

Sirius turned sharp eyes to Remus which cut him off quickly.

"It's not ok! Most people still think you're a Muggle-born as if that makes a damn bit of difference. But the way they look at you and jump to conclusions is NOT ok." Sirius went from looking pissed to looking very stressed bending down into a squat resting his head on his arms. "How am I going to save him….."

Remus glanced at James whose face suggested there was no saving Regulus, to Peter who just looked uncomfortable and sighed sitting down on the grass beside Sirius. He was supposed to figure out how to make his friends pay for going behind his back, not comforting one of them. But Sirius turned his pleading eyes to Remus and he knew he had to say something, even if he wasn't at all sure what to say.

"I think…..Regulus loves you a lot, Sirius. I think if…." he chose his words carefully knowing if he even suggested the broken relationship between the two might just be a mutual problem that he wouldn't get anywhere. "...if you're patient with him…..you may convince him to see things your way." He remembered all that Ryan had told him about how the Slytherin house operated. "He's trying to fit in…..he has your cousin but I think he wouldn't mind fitting in more with you…"

If you let him, though Remus didn't dare add that part.

Sirius regarded him for a moment thinking through what had been said clearly disliking the 'be patient' advice.

"He's an annoying twat."

"So are you. Runs in the family I imagine."

James shifted nervously beside them but Remus knew Sirius would grin, he could just somehow tell when a joke was the best response for his friends, well at least Sirius.

"Guess so. Bloody hell Remus it would be nice to live in a world where you aren't always right you know!"

Remus grinned playfully in response.

"If I'm right so often then you ought to listen to me more."

"What fun would that be? If you had things your way you'd cart us off to the library to study every night like good little swats," Sirius teased and Remus felt himself relax at the casual banter.

"Don't forget who found the passage to HoneyDukes. If I was such a stick in the mud I certainly wouldn't entertain your disastrous plans as much as I do."

"That's true you never cease to amaze me," Sirius replied in a tone that made Remus feel sort of warm inside before his friend grinned wickedly "Not that you have much of a choice to go along with us. We both know how very persuasive I am~!"

Remus opened his mouth to send back a witty remark, some example about Sirius 'great persuasive' skills failing to get him out of detention. But James cleared his throat and Remus jolted confused as to why he had forgotten his other two friends were there.

"If you two are done now. Can we go see Hagrid before we're up after hours?"

"Careful Potter you sound an awful lot like Lily," Sirius laughed, popping to his feet and casually holding his hand out for Remus to take, which he did, truthfully still sore all over.

"I am not! Look I just have Quidditch practice…"

"You know James, maybe Lily would date you and mold you into the perfect little boyfriend." Sirius chortled making a whipping motion with one of his hands, the other still firmly holding Remus'.

"Just imagine James she probably wouldn't even let you fly a broom," Peter whined looking as if such an offense was as bad as murder. James glanced at Peter looking that way too, then cracked a nervous smile.

"Relax Peter I won't let her do that."

Sirius started laughing hard, still holding Remus' hand who was beginning to feel a bit foolish. Did Sirius think he'd fall down or something? He wasn't even that dizzy anymore...not enough to actually fall anyways.

"Aren't….you….supposed…..to…..say….you...won't...date...her," Sirius wheezed in between laughs and James' face went scarlet.

Remus figured he'd best interject before teasing turned into arguing. He didn't have to though, as the door to Hagrid's hut opened, the large man looking startled to find them there, loud music coming from his hut that would have drowned out even Sirius' shout.

"Ello what are you lot doing out so late?"

It was indeed getting late but that didn't stop Hagrid from being happy to see them and inviting them inside. Of course, Sirius immediately began asking about his brother's detention, and James seemed just as intrigued to learn what detention would prompt going into the Forbidden Forest.

"Jus helpin me collect some flabber worm puss is all," Hagrid explained while he started some tea. Sirius and James exchanged a glance, both of them no longer looking impressed.

"What do you think of the visitors Hagrid?" Peter asked and so began a long, longer than it should have been for sake of them not being out past hours, conversation on the different schools. Mostly, quite predictably, the one from Romania.

"Remus got an egg. I think there were about ten per table. They should have brought more."

Hagrid nodded his head in a disappointed agreement before catching himself.

"Now, I magine that it takes a lot of magic to make those."

"And money," Sirius pointed out wrinkling his nose as Hagrid set the mugs of tea in front of them.

As Remus pulled out the egg his hand nudged an empty vial that had previously housed a potions assignment that had actually turned the right color when he poured it into Slugghorn's cauldron to demonstrate. He'd gotten full points on that one, mostly because Lily had helped him.

An idea formed though that was quite appropriately wicked, in order to make his friends squirm. Hiding a grin that would give himself away he feigned struggling with the egg and spilled a tiny bit of tea into the vile when he was sure everyone had their attention on Hagrid who was explaining his plan to obtain a real dragon.

"Here it is," Remus replied, turning everyone's attention back to him. He let them 'ooo' and 'ahh' over the egg the appropriate amount of time before putting it back and casually uncorked the vile giving it a sniff just to make sure they all noticed.

"What's that?" James asked, perhaps thinking Remus had uncovered a wonderful secret to making Hagrid's tea decent.

"Oh, just a sleeping draft."

He pretended not to notice the nervous shifts and eye glances between them. So they had given him one today... He tried to think back to when. He concluded Peter must be slipping it into his goblet though that seemed just a bit too sneaky of him.

"Sleeping draught? You alright Lupin?" Hagrid asked, sounding concerned.

"Just too excited about the tournament to sleep," he explained smoothly with a grin.

He could feel his roommate's eyes on him, or more accurately the vial he casually held. So they did know exactly what had happened to him that day or at least suspected. Now that he thought about it when he told them later how he'd gotten a sleeping draught from Frank, Peter had looked like he might faint. They also had all been quick to agree that Madam Pomfrey was right and should be the only one to assign them.

"Well I don't think you need it, Remus," James attempted, sounding nervous.

"Not usually but I think it will be helpful," he replied, careful not to sound too innocent since Sirius would pick up on it right away. Struggling to bite back a grin, surprised and impressed at his own deviousness he poured the vile of tea back into the tea.

"Can I have some sugar?" he asked Hagrid who was happy to oblige, and predictably when he got up to get some, realized the time.

"Uh oh, yer out passed bedtime. Out you go."

"Can I take the tea and return it Hagrid?"

He saw Sirius look at Hagrid in disbelief as if willing the man who was clueless to what was happening not to agree.

"Sure don see why not. I always like the company. Now off you go. Don forget to show me the replica dragon when it hatches."

Remus warmly assured Hagrid he would then left, his three roommates trailing behind him. He pretended he couldn't hear their whispering as they plotted how to get Remus not to drink the tea without giving themselves away.

"Ooops!"

Predictable.

Ready for the attempt Remus pulled out his wand as James 'accidentally' barrelled into him, no doubt pushed by Sirius 'without prompt'.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he called out, clearly stopping the mug from spilling.

"Wow... nice wand work Remus," Sirius called, sounding as far from impressed as he could possibly be.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, turning to them the mug still in his hands. They all looked a bit paler than usual in the moonlight.

No, don't think about the moon.

"Well..wouldn't you rather enjoy a good drink with your draught?" Peter began uncertainly.

"Yeah, yeah good point Peter," James said, sounding relieved, "we could go to Madam Pomfrey and get a different….I mean the same draught but different drink."

Remus pretended to consider it glancing at Sirius who had gone quiet fighting with the moral dilemma of coming clean or letting Remus miss classes and the first day of the visitors tomorrow.

"Well it's past curfew now so as nice as that sounds I think I'll pass."

He brought the mug up to his lips closing his eyes, perhaps moving a bit exaggeratedly slowly but they'd chalk that up to him not liking the tea.

"Wait!" Sirius shouted, sounding distressed.

Good!

Remus was confident they would learn their lesson after this. He brought down the mug forcing himself to look puzzled.

Having great control over your emotions does wonders when it comes to pranking your friends!

"What is it?"

"Put….something in your….tea…," Sirius muttered.

"Huh?"

"We put the sleeping draught in your tea already!" Peter exclaimed, unable to hold it in any longer. James shot him an annoyed look but they couldn't really blame him for...well spilling the tea so to speak.

"You….what?"

"You don't sleep well and you're a stubborn twat so we decided we'd give you the draught," James explained.

"Now you'll never trust us again or tell us anything," Sirius muttered and Remus realized with a stab he was crying.

"Well….why not just tell me?" he asked, careful to sound more disapproving than angry. His anger was gone now and he didn't want to make Sirius start sobbing.

"We...thought...knew you'd be mad," James explained uncomfortably. They all look very chastened.

"I am mad. You marauders all three of you are absolute scoundrels! So the other day I missed class because of you three!" he snapped, and Sirius looked up guilt-ridden.

"We didn't think you'd…."

"We're sorry! We'll do anything!" Peter cried.

Remus hadn't considered this option and wondered briefly if he should come up with something ridiculous in further punishment.

"As long as you realize how dangerous what you did was!"

Although Remus knew they wouldn't come close to truly understanding how dangerous it was, could have been. Three heads nodded but James was smiling ear to ear, trying not to but smiling. Worried he had figured out Remus knew from the start he asked him a bit sharply why he was smiling.

"You did it Remus Lupin, you are a genius."

Remus cast him a confused look shared by Peter and James.

"Our name. Our group name! He did it!"

"What the bloody hell are you saying, James? Are you trying to make him more pissed?"

"Yes, careful James, or I'll make you three complete your homework assignments on time for a month in punishment."

They cringed a bit at that, especially Sirius who was notorious for not turning things in on time, if at all. But Remus was clearly teasing them, and the subtle assurance his anger wasn't that bad encouraged James to explain properly, now beaming with excitement.

"The Marauders! That's what we are, all four of us! We go pillage Honeydukes and roam the castle looking for treasure so to speak," he shouted gleefully. Well, Remus couldn't really deny that he was as likely to be a scoundrel as his friends, especially after what he had just pulled. It was entirely his friends' fault he was like this though. Still, it did have a nice ring to it.

"The Marauders," Sirius said slowly, consideringly. He was the real one James had to convince since they all knew Peter would go along with James, and unless the name was too inappropriate Remus didn't care that much. "Yeah, yeah!" he decided, growing excited himself "The Marauders!"

"What do you think of it, Remus?"

"I think you three can't escape my anger this way." They wilted and Remus smiled the smile he'd been holding on to for a while. "But I can't deny I like it and it's accurate. Alright, then The Marauders it is. This means I get the cloak right James?"

...

In celebration of their cool name they spent the night stealing, well they paid, from Honeydukes and pigging out by the lake in typical marauder fashion. Yep, Sirius decided, his face screwing up in disgust at the bogey flavored jelly bean he'd just been 'forced' to eat, that name was a keeper.

Besides having won the invisibility cloak for three days, days that were of Remus' choosing, seemed to cheer up their friend. Although it was weird since Sirius was sure Remus would be more upset about the sleeping draught thing. However, Remus had even agreed they could stay out late since he had joked he'd almost missed all of his classes tomorrow anyways.

There was a lightness to Remus, that Sirius doubted his friend noticed in himself, which must mean the conversation with Lily had gone well. That was a good thing, right?

Then why did it make Sirius feel so disgruntled?

"Mm watermelon flavored," Remus replied with a smile at the scowls he got. He had been on an insanely lucky streak of not having eaten one nasty flavored jelly bean.

"Give one of us a challenge then," James groaned dramatically since that was how the game went. As soon as you ate a nasty flavor it was free game for whoever got a nice flavored one to give you a dare. James was just sour since the first jelly bean he had eaten was a bad flavor with a streak of bad ones to follow, and most of the challenges had therefore been directed at him for the majority of the game until Peter joined him and finally Sirius.

"Hmm alright then tomorrow ask one of the visiting students for their autograph."

James groaned now having to tell one visiting student he had a crush on them, ask one to the dance which hadn't even been properly announced yet, and tell one of them he had a horribly nasty case of warts. That last one had been Sirius' genius. Of course, James had gotten them back and the list of embarrassing things they had to say to the visitors tomorrow was growing ridiculous. Well, he had gotten all of them back but Remus anyways.

How was he getting so lucky anyways?

Still, they were having a good time. Sirius' fears that Remus would never trust them again and would be so mad he'd go back on his promise to tell them had been squashed.

Sure Remus was still making sarcastic comments about how very much he trusted them at least not to drug him, oh wait. But those were good-natured jabs, mostly, and well deserved. The last of Remus' anger had dried up when they had all solemnly swore never ever to do it again, upon the stipulation after much arguing, that Remus would take a drought still, every day.

During that argument in their dorm, before they had decided to go celebrate, Sirius had been worried Remus would go back on his promise to tell them just to spite them. He had gotten very agitated but the three of them managed to talk sense into that thick head of his and everything seemed fine now, mostly. Besides of course whatever it was that Lily knew and he didn't.

"Soap."

"Another bad one James," Peter tsked teasingly. Because every three times they went around the score reset itself and only James was getting really unlucky every time.

"No, no wait wait that's not even bad!" James argued, sounding a bit desperate. Not that Sirius blamed him, he wouldn't want to be James tomorrow either.

"Yes, it is!" Peter argued.

"Is not."

"I think we should give James this one Peter since he's had so many."

"Says the person who hasn't had one bad flavored jelly bean," Sirius scoffed. He glanced at the moon high in the sky figuring it was nearly two am. He'd gotten pretty good at telling time from their spot by the lake out here. "I hate to be a party pooper but we really should head back now otherwise we might all be sleeping through our classes without being overdosed with the sleeping draught."

There was a tense silence in which Sirius wondered if maybe it was too soon for him to joke about such matters. Then Remus gave him a mischievous grin.

"You know I should have had perfect attendance be a condition also," he replied innocently, sounding far too smug.

Two whole weeks, his condition had been for, two whole weeks! For two whole weeks, they couldn't disturb class, not a peep not a prank, nothing.

Of course, their 'benevolent friend' had been 'generous' enough to let them proceed with planning their pranks soon to be unleashed on the girls. It was truly a necessity since Sirius, after a semi-serious conversation with his friends, had decided he would still follow Narcissa's rules until he could speak to Regulus again. If that went wrong one more time though he had assured James they could rain hell down on the Slytherins.

"Oh come on Remus," Peter pleaded, sounding nervous that he'd do so.

"I'm only joking Peter. Alright, it's getting late let's head back."

"Oh thank you!" James shouted collapsing to the ground in a fit of hysterics. "Guys I'm going to die tomorrow."

"Probably," Remus agreed in amusement.

"It seems so."

"Definitely," Sirius agreed wholeheartedly.

"You guys suck," James groaned before they all headed back to their dorm underneath James' invisibility cloak. A cloak Remus could use for three whole days.

Sirius wondered to himself what on earth their friend would do with that sort of power?


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four: Battle Birthday and Blowing Off Steam

Chapter Thirty-Four: Battle Birthday and Blowing Off Steam

"He's gone mad with power I tell you, mad!" James shouted in frustration as they walked to class. Several Abraeselt students giggled as they passed them and James' face grew red. Sirius was relieved people weren't giggling at him but he did feel a bit bad for his friend.

Only a bit though, since the fool, who was proving he knew nothing about women, thought that it would be a good idea to pin down a student and complete all the dares on her to just be done with it. The result had been James sounding and looking like a mad man and a very unhappy fifth-year girl telling all her friends about the 'Potter freak'.

"I don't disagree," Sirius mused, glad James was taking this whole being the laughing stock of the Abraeselts in stride. He'd even jokingly said that at least he had Digores's opinions yet to mess up. In fact, James weirdly seemed to be enjoying it.

"He could at least tell us what he's going to do with the cloak."

Sirius nodded vehemently. It was frustrating that Remus had just made a few comments about not knowing what he'd do with it when it was clear he did.

At least Sirius' birthday had been a reprieve, well earned he believed. Sure Sirius loved all his gifts and the small party, which he had wanted to be small, just the Marauders. Regulus had also met up, talked to him for his birthday even giving him a present. It had been going well between them even if his brother had handed him the letter from his mother that she had made him promise to give him 'if Sirius began behaving'.

Sirius had, of course, had ripped it up without opening it but Regulus had kept quiet and they had ended up playing several games of gobstones and laughing like old times. In fact that had almost been the best part of his special day. He also really appreciated the Potters sending him a big box of candy and Mrs. Potter's homemade fudge recipe for his birthday, but that also made him feel sort of bad due to the absence of anything from his parents.

Then again the best part might have been the champion tryouts had been on his birthday meaning they got to watch older students duel epically for several hours and then have another banquet served in honor of the guests, but which had felt like a personal birthday banquet for him.

But what really had been the best gift had indeed been Remus' gift, well the other one besides the nicely knitted Gryffindor sweater. Remus had decided to lift the 'no acting out in class rule' he had tasked them with, and after two whole agonizing days of not causing even a little trouble in class, it had come not a moment too soon.

Sure, it led to several detentions, on his birthday no less! Still, it had been so worth it and felt so good especially when he had caused Lily's spell, altered by his own wand work, to turn her pencil not into a worm as they were supposed to, but instead into a bird that had shat all over the class.

He had obtained a week of detentions from his irritate head of house, but the bird, he had named Fido, had pooped on the head of a particularly stuck up Ravenclaw, making it all the more worth it. Sirius was disappointed when Fido had turned back into a pencil, but as James had solemnly pointed out 'Fido had done his duty well'.

That had caused them to laugh so hard that McGonnagal gave James detention as well, perhaps thinking he had been in on it, only they were both too amused to care. Even Remus had to hide a smirk behind his hand, a smirk that may have led to Lily being frustrated with him, still another perk. It truly had been a magical birthday and Sirius now had a stock of supplies that would serve them well in the war against the girls, which he had declared would take place today, not that the girls knew that. But since he and James still had a whole week of promising not to act out in class it was necessary to do it now.

James was on the same page with him, even if his chivalrous crap made him a bit hesitant to blow off steam by pranking the girls. Still they both really needed to, Sirius especially, since he had realized too late not acting out in class applied to DADA as well, which meant he actually had to listen to their professor's nonsense on respecting dark creatures.

"Oi, we have another visitor today," James whispered as they entered the class. More than one visitor since several older students, fourth years, from the other schools were in the back of the class. All the students had been given open invitations to join in on classes but considering their schools weren't as academically rigorous as Hogwarts few didn't give up after the first few lessons. Sirius wished the fourth years weren't with the second years, although he did like showing off how much better he was than them since it made the teachers even stricter than usual when the other school's students were shadowing. They had to make a 'good impression' as their professors kept reminding them.

Sirius grinned at Lisa who was a very pretty Abraeselt student but she just rolled her eyes at him. Despite only being as good as the second year Hogwart students the Abraeselts could give Lily a run for her money with their eye rolls and sassy hair flips. Sirius had chosen Lisa to ask out to the dance, one of his dares, and was grateful it hadn't resulted in a similar fate to James'.

Still, he was sure he wasn't 'just being cocky' as James would have him believe, and that Lisa had been eyeing him more and more lately. Beside her stood Arja, a serious boy who was the younger brother of the Digores's champion. Because of this everyone wanted to be his friend but he had only befriended the Slytherins, more specifically Severus, the two really hit it off. So of course Sirius loathed him.

"Now everyone take your seats. Today is a special class."

Sirius did so wishing he could goof off in class. He chanced a glance at Remus who looked very pale all of sudden, and gave a mocking impression of Arja to James who snickered appreciatively. He expected Remus to catch him at it, to shake his head with the mild disapproval he had when Sirius toed the line on his promise, but he didn't seem to notice. Sirius tried to think back to lunch and if Remus had eaten anything only they still had weeks until the end of the month and Remus' disappearance, but something was certainly up with him.

"Alright everyone I'd like to introduce Mr. Howells who is an expert on nocturnal creatures."

"Hello everyone nice to meet you."

Mr. Howells was a boring looking man. Average build and height and there wasn't anything even remarkably interesting about him at all. He droned on, at least it sounded like that to Sirius, about nocturnal patterns and how that had to do with wizards defending themselves against creatures.

He was alright, Sirius supposed, but he had grown used to being wary of any guest Professor Corbyn brought in, not wanting to be caught dead actually liking a dark creature.

By the end of the class, Sirius had to admit the man was sort of interesting. He had a sense of humor that he could appreciate and better yet he was just a human expert of the topic.

"Now Mr. Howells will be visiting us a few more times to discuss some other topics later in the year. Everyone, please give him a round of applause."

They did, even the Slytherins found the unassuming man interesting to some degree. Anyone who could make a lecture on the proper incantations to use when trying to decide what a dark creature was, based on its feces, warranted some respect.

Sirius had forgotten Remus looked pale and he must have not eaten since he ran into one of the desks on the way out tipping it over and sprawling himself on the floor, like the clutz he could sometimes be.

"Careful mate."

James who was closer helped Remus up who certainly seemed peckish.

"No harm done. Are you alright Mr. Lupin?" Professor Corbyn asked, looking concerned. Sirius saw that Mr. Howell was looking at Remus strangely but his friend nodded mumbling an apology and they all left quickly.

"What's wrong Remus?" Sirius asked, surprised to find his friend shaking.

"Are you getting sick?" James asked, still grasping Remus' arm to keep him upright. He placed a hand to his forehead. "Yeah, you have a fever."

"Trying to get out of pranking the girls are you?" Sirius teased but Remus didn't respond, seemingly dazed. "Let's take him to Madam Pomfrey."

"I'll take him, you two have to get everything ready," Peter explained, letting Remus drape his arm around his squat shoulders. Sirius wondered if Peter could actually get Remus to the hospital ward as their now clearly sick feeling friend was leaning heavily on Peter who wasn't exactly...strong. But Sirius figured it would be alright, mostly because he didn't want to delay the fun pranks any longer.

"Alright, thanks Peter good luck. Feel better Remus," James called and the four friends headed their two separate ways.

"You think this is him disappearing again?" James asked, confused after they walked in silence for a bit.

"No, I think this is different. He probably just caught a cold or something, he gets sick a lot."

"Yeah….but well he seemed fine before class," James mused and Sirius realized he had a point. Remus had seemed fine before class, then again he was good at hiding when he felt sick.

"He could have been faking you know how he is."

"Or it just came on fast. One time I had the stomach flu mate, and let me tell you it came fast and strong out of nowhere."

Sirius laughed, elbowing James.

"Gross."

"Not as gross as the potion that made me feel better. Yuck."

"Maybe we can use that against the girls."

"Diarrhea absolutely not Sirius that…"

"No you berk, potions."

James gave him a blank look and as Sirius explained his genius, his friend burst into laughter, finally catching on.

"They won't know what hit them."

...

"They won't know what hit them!" Dorcas laughed, bouncing a ball idly off the wall as Lily finished the last line of her essay on the International Warlock Convention of 1289.

"Yes, but we have to let them strike first," Lily explained to her friends who had been dying to unleash their meticulous plans on the boys since she had first told them about Sirius' warning.

"Why not!" Marlene whined, flopped down on her bed reading an issue of Witches Weekly.

"Because we're the mature ones. When they attack first it will be in self-defense," Lily reminded them patiently, Dorcas snorting in amusement.

"If the boys think we're mature they have another thing coming."

Lily found herself smiling more than a little looking forward to this. It was so obvious Sirius and James thought they were going to win, in fact, they probably thought she and her friends would sissy out in a few days. But between the four of them, they were confident the ones who would be begging for mercy would be the boys.

Afterall they were far superior to annoying stupid boys.

"We're gonna make them cry for their mommies though I'm pretty sure James already does that, he's such a momma's boy," Dorcas teased and Lily smiled fondly since James was a momma's boy and it really was quite sweet.

"Remember to be nice to Remus."

"Yeah, yeah we'll be nice to your booooyfriend Lily," Marlene chortled and Lily felt her cheeks grow warm.

"He is NOT my boyfriend!" she retorted defensively which just caused her infuriating friends to laugh at her.

"Whatever you say…," Dorcas said appeasingly but she was grinning wickedly.

"Look he's just….he's neutral," Lily pointed out impatiently.

She'd been through this several times. It's not like she could tell her friends that Remus had already been through enough turmoil and didn't at all deserve the discomfort, to straight-up humiliation, they'd be dosing out to the other boys.

"If you think he's going to stay neutral you have another thing coming."

Lily sighed heavily figuring they were right. She couldn't understand why Remus was so loyal to his roommates, they probably wouldn't even accept him, though she hoped desperately for his case they would.

Still, things had been pleasant and Remus had relaxed around her after about a week of awkwardness. He had explained to her the clever way he had gotten his roommates to pay for drugging him and Lily was impressed both by Remus, and that Sirius and James were actually managing to control themselves during class.

She went red remembering Sirius' birthday, Remus had most definitely been laughing that day even though he swore otherwise.

She huffed to herself in irritation rolling up her scroll. Yes, she figured Remus would side with the boys which was a pity since he could have made a convenient spy. Well, Severus was sure convinced he was a spy and was just faking being nice, she let out an even heavier sigh getting a questioning look from Marlene.

If Lily understood Remus at all she understood Severus even less.

Most of the time things were fine, he and Remus had even reached a sort of friendly almost friendship with her prompting. But other days Severus seemed to wake up with storm clouds in his dark eyes and everything she said was dumb. She had made the mistake of telling him about the prank war which must be starting soon since Sirius and James were predictable at times, and she knew they'd be starting the prank war any day now since they couldn't pull pranks in class.

Severus, whose mood she had foolishly failed to pick up on ahead of time, had told her sharply she was being dumb and childish. He had yelled at her telling her there was a war happening and while people died defending their belief she was trading petty pranks with Potter and Black, he had sounded so outraged it was almost funny.

It would have been funny if he hadn't been so very cross over it, each day he seemed to grow more withdrawn and serious. She had figured out one of her dear friends' secrets and that had turned out alright but now she had to contend with her other dear friend's secrets. And unlike Remus, Severus had no qualms about being mean to hide them.

Because something was going on with him and she was sure it had something to with the Slytherins he hung out with, especially Malfoy who seemed to be his best friend now. It was all very odd. She had wanted to confront him on which side he was on in the war, but she was too nervous about what his answer would be.

Then again, if he really was on Voldemort's side he certainly wouldn't be friends with her of all people, a Muggle-born, so that thought comforted her and kept her ceaselessly trying to get through to him.

"Lily, she's zoning out again. Happens everytime we mention Remus yet she insists they aren't dating. LILY!"

She jolted looking at Marlene who looked at her with amusement.

"Yes?"

"You're strangling your scroll to death. You best put it in your pack before you blur all your hard work."

"Oh, thanks, Marlene."

"What were you thinking about anyway?" Dorcas asked with her usual detached interest as if she didn't care if Lily answered at all. Lily quite appreciated this about her chill friend although she was beginning to wonder if Dorcas was more nosy than she led people to believe.

"Oh, just how the first prank will make it clear to the boys that we aren't messing around!"


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five: Boys vs Girls

Chapter Thirty-Five: Boys vs Girls

AN: Hey my wonderful readers. I present to you not one not two but three chapters this week! This is because next week I may only be posting one chapter or perhaps none depending on how much progress I make re-reading the two years. I've decided to do this because it's come to my attention that I should be adding trigger warnings for some of my content.

I sincerely apologize if my lack of not doing so has caused anyone distress. I should be since I often get triggered but I'm not too familiar with trigger warnings. I've recently read some fanfics that are amazing at them which has made me want to be better. These TWs will include things like mention of abuse and suicide and other similar things.

I don't think my fanfic is too graphic but I know from experience how triggering some things can be even if others don't think it is, so even if the trigger warnings seem extensive, know that I am erring on the side of caution as the last thing I would want to do is make you incredible people feel discomfort. In regards to this, I am shamelessly asking for help if someone wants to re-read year one and has a good grasp on what TW's need to be added (this may result in two or even three chapters being uploaded next week but no pressure if you can't/ don't want to). Since I'm already being shameless I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking in regards to year two, been awhile since I've heard a lot from my AO3 readers and I appreciate every comment:D.

Lastly, if something in the chapters upsets you let me know and I'll add a TW for it. There's absolutely no shame in being upset even if it may seem like a small thing so please, please, don't hesitate to reach out. I want this story to be sad and heartbreaking, but in a safe and enjoyable way :P.

I hate leaving ANs since I think it detracts from the story but I'm giving you three chapters this week so no complaining alright? ;)

...................

"You did what?" Remus asked in exasperation as they walked to breakfast.

"I put something in their shampoo bottles that will make them go bald!" James shouted with a sort of crazed fervor that had arisen when they all realized the girls weren't going to back down easily.

"James, how could you? That's taking things too far," Remus exclaimed horrified.

Sirius had to admit he was doing a pretty good job of staying neutral himself. James on the other hand had thrown chivalry to the wind when he woke up one morning with pink hair. That had been nearly a week ago, yes a week, a whole week. Sure now Sirius and James could cause havoc in class again but all their energy had been diverted to the war between boys and girls.

The Gryffindor girls were everything Sirius had hoped for and more.

He had massive respect for them since they gave as good as they got. Sure it had been irritating to come back to their dorm room only to find their furniture on the ceiling, or to sneeze out insults to himself one day (he still didn't wasn't sure how they had managed that), but they had been doing a good job of keeping pranks innocent-ish and good-natured.

Both sides had still been able to talk to one another as they had unspokenly agreed pranks could only take place in the dorm, the effects of such pranks could last longer, but there was no asking Lily for help on a problem only to slip a dungbomb under her chair. This left them free to trust one another outside the dorm, to be genuinely alright with the pranks until James bloody Potter ruined it!

"You know they are going to kill you guys right?"

"You guys? Oh, oh no Remus you are one of us whether you like it or not. They are going to kill us, you included."

"Lovely," Remus said sarcastically. Peter scratched his arm sighing heavily, the itching powder placed in their sheets by the girls had been particularly effective with him causing him to randomly itch long after it had stopped working.

"Save us. Remus saaave us!" Sirius called dramatically because he might be a tad bit nervous about what the girls were going to do now that civility had been blown out of the Quidditch pitch.

"This is why I thought you were going to run all pranks through me."

"You were sleeping," James replied innocently.

"How did you get up there anyway?" Sirius asked, still confused over this fact which had proven to be an incredible disadvantage to them. James gave him a victorious grin he had no right at all to be wearing since he'd gone and fucked everything up!

"Secret."

"Patricia no doubt," Remus replied flatly, sounding as annoyed with James as Sirius felt. By James' blush, he had hit the nail on the head.

"You thought that what Patricia was going to let you do was a good idea!" Peter exclaimed frustrated, glancing behind him with beady eyes as if expecting the girls might leap down from the ceiling on top of them.

"Well, she…..she said if I did she'd take us back to the forest….and maybe this time let me stay with her….," James finished sheepishly. For a fraction of a second Sirius considered how legitly scared James must be of the forest to want to stay by their babysitter's side. But outrage won out.

"Traitor!" he shouted and pointed at him accusingly. James looked at Peter pleadingly but even the boy who would follow him along with just about anything turned his head away.

"Oh come on guys it's not that big of a deal."

Sirius shuddered, he'd learned the hard way there were two things around females you never messed with unless you wanted to piss them off. You never permanently ruined their hair or clothes. Sirius was pretty sure making the girls bald constituted ruining their hair.

"It's been nice knowing you lot," Remus replied with a faintly amused tone.

"Get back here," Sirius cried, gripping Remus' hand to prevent his hasty backstabbing retreat away from his friends. "Marauders for Life."

"Yes, but not death," Remus quipped and Sirius snorted letting him go, knowing he wouldn't actually leave them to fend for themselves, at least he hoped not.

"Please Remus, I didn't know any better. I was led astray by Patricia. I'm a worm compared to you. You're the greatest oh wise one," James begged, grovelling on hands and knees grasping Remus' robe. Both he and Peter tried not to laugh, since they were actually annoyed at James, sort of, but failed, especially at Remus' alarmed then embarrassed face.

"Alright, alright I'll help, get off me already you fool."

James grinned hopping to his feet with the confidence of someone who knew exactly how to get himself out of a hole, well with everyone but Lily that was. Although, it was almost as uncanny at how good James was at digging himself the hole in the first place.

"Yes, tell us what to do, master," Peter pleaded mocking James' tone. Remus rolled his eyes holding back an amused grin that would have given away the fact that he loved them and their crazy shenanigans, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

"Fine, but no calling me master and you need to explain to me again why you can't just raise the white flag?"

"Traitor!" boomed James

"Outrageous!" Sirius thundered alongside him trying to keep a straight face.

"We can't quit, we can't possibly give up," Peter protested, he was learning their ways well. In fact, Peter had gotten so stealthy with the invisibility cloak during their top-secret 'no Remus allowed' sessions that they were going to let him go with them in about another week and a half when they attempted to follow Remus again.

"Well then you need a peace offering and James needs to sincerely apologize so the girls don't murder you in your sleep," Remus said matter of factly.

Apparently that was the only wisdom he would bestow on them, which was fine by Sirius since he wasn't the one who had to apologize to the girls. James didn't look pleased but Sirius pointed out that he made his bed and he had to lie in it, which didn't shut him up though.

"This feels an awful lot like just sacrificing me," James complained as they entered the Great Hall.

"Yeah well…," Sirius trailed off, all of them stopping abruptly as Frank Longbottom appeared a bit in front of them, with Gideon Prewitt.

"I guess that makes sense," he heard Gideon say, looking a bit stressed, he hoped he wasn't super stressed, he still had about another week before the first competition after all.

"Hi, Gideon!" James called to the older student in awe. Gideon, head boy, and champion of Hogwarts turns to James and grinned.

"Patricia is still whipping you lot into shape then?" Gideon asked with a confident comical air about him that made Sirius feel sure that Gideon could beat the other champions whose names Sirius couldn't remember because they didn't really matter. Gideon would win because if he didn't Hogwarts would never live it down, no pressure or anything.

"Something like that," James replied looking awed at Gideon being so close to him.

"Thanks for the tip you boys gave me about the lake. Patricia picked some good recruits."

Then he was gone because no older student in their right mind would spend more than a few minutes with second years even if their life depended on it.

"He's so cool," James whispered, sounding as starstruck as Peter did sometimes when talking about him.

"We should go scouting the lake again for more clues," Sirius suggested as they took their seats at their table.

"Or...here's an idea...we could actually study," Remus grumbled digging into a pile of sausages with an appetite that hadn't seemed to stop growing lately.

"Wanna slow down there mate?" James asked Remus with a concerned look.

Their friend stopped shoveling food into his mouth, face going dark red. Peter who was shoveling his face full just as fast as him, as if he and Remus were in some sort of competition, didn't seem to notice.

"I'm just saying you guys have been...a bit too preoccupied with this prank war which is starting to get out of hand."

"It is not!" James retorted but fell silent at the look they were both giving him.

"We need something that will bring the girls to their knees and raise the white flag," Sirius schemed, completely ignoring Remus' attempts to get them to take school just a bit more seriously.

It's not like they needed it, well he supposed Peter's grades were suffering, but he knew for a fact Remus was doing better than them, and with James no longer really competing with Lily for grades he was fine with his as well.

As for Sirius, well he found school pretty easy, but kept on the line of decent grades so not to upset his family but not so good that he had to swallow the disappointment of his mother not caring or writing to him over incredible marks. Plus, he hated to study almost as much as he hated his stupid family in the first place, except Regulus of course.

"We need something they are afraid of…...like….snakes...or…..rats…."

"Spiders."

Four heads turned to face Patricia who hadn't been talking to them much, which was fair considering one of her best friends was the champion of the school. She was grinning ear to ear now though, and Sirius had to admit her idea was indeed genius. Peter, however, had gone white as a sheet and James looked uncomfortable.

"Spiders…..I think snakes would work," James suggested and Patricia started laughing.

"Don't tell me you boys are afraid of itty bitty spiders," she taunted them and Sirius assured her most fervently he was not!

"Come on are you Marauders or not?" Patricia called encouragingly. She had been thrilled at their group name though seemed to think it meant she could use it to goad them into doing anything. Peter had sat up straighter and James was grinning, so maybe she could use the name to goad them into anything. Not that, Sirius minded, he bounced in his seat in excitement.

"What about you Remus? You can't just hide behind your book."

Remus sighed heavily, peeking past the book he had been reading avidly on Ministry policy of all the boring things. Still, when Sirius had mentioned it Remus had gone red and told him sharply to drop it, which he had because when Remus got that tone about him you just listened, end of discussion.

"I think it's a horrible idea. James here made the girls go bald but you already know that and I think that the girls won't give up if we do this and would take it to a completely more dire level….which I'm sure you'd find amusing."

"Can't really deny that! But come oooooon it's been months, I'd figured you four would jump on the chance. Especially you, James, you have to redeem yourself after all."

James nodded in agreement, and Remus seeing there wasn't really any chance of talking them out of it relented he would go, just to keep them out of trouble of course.

"Excellent! I'll meet you, lads, tomorrow night in the common room at the stroke of midnight. Don't be late mind you."

Then she strolled off sharing a high five with Fabian who had been seeming to avoid his brother of late, though why Sirius couldn't begin to guess. But, he supposed brothers could be annoying, which reminded him that he had to meet up with Regulus sometime this week but all thoughts of that escaped him as the girls walked into the Great Hall.

"Ow! What was that for?" James asked, rubbing his head where Sirius had smacked him. In response he pointed to the girls, all of them entering at once, giggling to each other in solidarity or some shit. James turned and his mouth fell open.

"But…..I…..no I put….the shampoo…," James stammered in surprise and Sirius whacked his head sort of hard again for good measure.

"Hello, boys. Hi Peter!" Marlene called giggling as Peter's face went red. It would only be a matter of bloody time now before the two started dating. Everything sucked!

"Your hairstyles are looking quite nice today," Remus replied smoothly, an altogether too smug look on his irritating face.

"How are you not bald?" James demanded, not at all one for subtlety, especially when worked up. Lily turned her beaming face away from Remus and faced James with a derisive sniff.

"So it was your idea, was it? I should have known Potter. It probably was also your idea to trap us upstairs so we were late for class and drench us in that foul-smelling goo that made small objects cling to us all day." Lily huffed, particularly upset about those pranks though there had been a great deal more.

"Actually the last idea was mine. But really how do you have no hair?" he asked perplexed and also in solidarity of James as Lily's glare directed itself at him. He was the best bloody mate there was and James better appreciate that!

"Have you ever heard of wigs?" Dorcas snorted, giving her Gryffindor gold pixie cut hair a tug, which Sirius didn't see the point of because it didn't go anywhere.

"Did you super glue them to your head?" James asked incredulously and Lily gave him a pitying look one might give a dull house-elf who would never amount to anything.

"Don't worry you don't need to know our secrets," Dorcas grinned having far too much fun with this, "unless you do."

Then all four girls started laughing and left. Sirius touched his hair, afraid it might start falling off in great clumps.

"Peter, you can't date Marlene until this is over."

"But she's so nice," the smaller boy whined though he was also touching his hair experimentally.

Only Remus didn't bother checking his hair, seemingly more amused than anything, though it was hard to tell since he kept hiding his face behind that book. But of course, he didn't have to worry about his hair falling off since he had flaming Evans to protect him now didn't he?

"We will wipe the smug smiles off their smug faces tomorrow night with something awful we get from the forest tonight, you'll see," Sirius reassured James who just looked rather dumbfounded. "What are you smirking at?" he snapped at Remus still running his hand through his hair, his beautiful hair which was growing to lengths that would anger his mother, he couldn't lose it now.

"I just think it's funny that they are the ones who seem to be winning," Remus replied cheekily.

Sirius shared a glance with James and they silently agreed they would drag Remus into this, he was one of them whether he wanted to be or not.

"Well, Remus if you want to suggest a peace offering you should be the one to give it," Sirius attempted to point out and Remus put his book down, finally.

"It needs to be James, not me. I'm staying out of this."

"Oh, Remus nooooo! How could you," James whined, kicking Peter's shin from under the table in an attempt to kick Remus'.

"Coward," Sirius pointed out trying to figure out the best way they could make him become an accomplice. Remus' seemingly permanent smug smile nowadays slipped for a second.

He looked tired, he looked so tired all the time nowadays.

"I don't see you two making any move to do so yourselves," he replied, perhaps a bit more coolly than Sirius' teasing warranted, and he hoped he didn't offend Remus but didn't have the chance to find out as he disappeared once more behind the bloody book.


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six: The Art of Crying

Chapter Thirty-Six: The Art of Crying

TWs: Negative thoughts bordering on suicidal. Mention of parental death. (Am I doing this right?)

....................

Remus ran to the bathroom once he reached the dorm and threw himself against the toilet retching, feeling distinctively gross. He had teased his friends throughout breakfast trying to ignore the sickening sensation rising in him at having been eating like some wild animal again.

He tugged at his sleeves which never seemed long enough nowadays, his tears falling into the toilet bowl. Sniffling, trying to be quiet enough that his friends didn't hear him over their laughter he pulled out his father's letter reading it again and clutching it to his chest for comfort.

Dear Remus,

I have been doing well and from your last letter, I wish the same was true for you. I know it's scary son but I also know you are incredibly strong and that you'll get through this. Don't let what's happened to you take more from you than it should. Please keep writing as I'm concerned but don't panic too much because if Dumbledore says it's fine then it is. If you need me to visit you Dumbledore has already granted me permission to do so, just let me know if that's what you want. It will be alright.

Remus had angrily scrawled out the second part which reminded him of his promise not to make friends and be careful as well as a few sentences about how he wasn't allowed to lose control over his emotions. He had almost ripped up the letter several times the past few days, it was the first he'd heard from his father all year and it took Remus writing him on a parchment stained with tears about how his eyes glowed and his body ached more than it ever had before, for his father to respond. He hadn't even mentioned the growing restlessness he kept feeling and the random times of insane hunger and then exhaustion.

But he hadn't ripped it up because in his father's stiff handwriting at the very bottom he had written 'I love you son, I don't say it enough but I do,'. So instead Remus kept it in his pocket like some sort of talisman holding it at times like now when the confusion and fear that things were getting worse threatened to overwhelm him.

"You alright in there mate? Fall in the loo?" James asked with a nervous laugh and Remus covered his mouth to quiet his sobs worried he'd been too loud. There was silence for a few minutes then another louder knock.

"Remus? You know we aren't actually mad about you laughing at us right? We know it's funny the girls are doing better."

"Yeah, except maybe help us….ow Sirius I'm just saying...ow alright alright….it's fine either way Remus as long as you don't side with them OW!"

If Remus didn't feel so terrible he would have laughed at them, instead he rushed to turn on the shower going to stand by the door to listen.

"See he's fine Sirius, he's just taking a shower," James sounded nervous though, worried despite his assurance to Sirius.

How he wished he could be better for his friends!

He figured overall he was hiding things well, since even Lily, who occasionally hinted at his transformation, didn't realize how different and scary things were for him at the moment. He kept remembering that girl, a Muggle sure, but one who had died after being a werewolf for years. She had simply died during a transformation, died from transforming, no longer able to handle the strain.

Yes, he wasn't a Muggle but did it make that big of a difference? Would his dad have written at all if everything was really ok?

"That's not fine! When in the years we've known him has he ever taken a shower during the day? He always does it at the crack of dawn or earlier…..this is very unusual. I bet you upset him about the prank war, James."

"I was only joking. Maybe it's the letter he got from his dad a few days ago?"

"Yes maybe," Sirius snapped sounding short "but it's not like we know what it said and he was grinning when he got it."

"Been grinning a lot lately, teasing us a lot too. He's fine Sirius," James attempted to sound soothing though Remus wasn't entirely sure how convincing he was being.

"Yeah, besides disappearing once a bloody month and getting sick in classes out of nowhere."

Remus shuddered and quickly padded back over to the toilet huddling in the corner.

He'd nearly forgotten about that. He had been able to tell that Mr. Howell was a werewolf, he wasn't sure how only that he knew and it seemed their professor had no plans to reveal what the man was, yet.

But Remus could only imagine the reactions, and worse still the man seemed to know what Remus was too. He'd never heard of werewolves being able to instinctively know one another but he supposed if they did have that ability they'd keep quiet about it and it would make sense to just...know.

Shaking his head he read the letter again and again trying to figure out if he really was just overreacting or if the adults were lying to him. He had considered bringing up his concerns with Lily but there was no way he could place that on her shoulders and anytime he tried to get more information out of the matron she just replied that it was 'perfectly normal' with a too-tight smile.

Suddenly the door flew off its hinges and Remus let out a yelp, jumping to his feet and shoving the crumpled letter back into his pocket.

"See I TOLD YOU!" Sirius called victoriously as Remus quickly wiped his eyes, though it was still blatantly obvious he had been crying from how red they were.

"I didn't say you were wrong," James argued, both of them looking at Remus with concern.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked

"Yeah, who do I need to beat up?" James asked, cracking his fists as if he looked at all intimidating with his wiry frame and messy hair. Peter's head appeared for a second as he jumped up to see past James and Sirius who were blocking his view.

"It's my mom," Remus lied because he couldn't think of anything else at the moment and it seemed the most plausible. Besides, they all knew that the thing once a month didn't have to do with her anymore, so maybe he could afford to be a little honest with them, about some things.

...

"She…..passed away…..awhile ago….," Remus explained, his voice shaking, a large blanket forcibly wrapped around him, clutching the mug of hot tea that was given to him against his will.

All of them were huddled on his bed, sad faces full of sympathy stared at him. None of them really knew what to say besides the occasional awkward 'I'm sorry' or reassurance they were here for him. But that was enough, bringing some comfort as he finally explained what his mother had and how much she had suffered and how hard it had been to watch her die.

They listened, all of them very solemn, and they stayed with him. They asked him to tell them stories about her and Remus who had never really talked to anyone about his mother before found himself telling them all about her feeling closer to her than he had in a long time.

When Peter had slipped off the bed only to fetch Remus' mother's blanket from his trunk he had almost started crying, a single tear falling down his cheek. Hearing his father's voice that he always had to be in control of his emotions he prevented, with difficulty, anymore from falling.

His friends all huddled against him, arms over shoulders and comforting body warmth pressed against him as if he were cold. It wasn't until Sirius carefully wrapped his mother's blanket around him that he realized he was shivering badly, his teeth chattering so that he had to wonder how much of his stories had actually been comprehended.

After a while, they somehow transitioned into all of them talking about their mothers, a sort of primal urge for all of them to hold and reflect about the good times they had with them, even Sirius, and they ended up talking for hours.

It was the first time Remus had skipped a class without actually having to, but as the stories turned into games and hesitant laughter, all three of his friends being incredibly supportive, he found it was exactly what he needed to make him feel better.

Because even though they didn't know the actual truth of what had upset him, their presence and friendship pulled him away from a dark bleakness that had been threatening to overwhelm him as he struggled with the question of 'should he stay around long enough if things only got worse?' But his friends made him want to fight, made him want to live and they could never fully understand just how much that meant to him, how much they meant to him.

By the time supper had come and gone James' and Peter's bellies especially led them to go sneak into the kitchen for some 'appropriate food' whatever that meant. Remus wasn't too hungry but wished he had gone with them because he was suddenly alone with Sirius, who was much too understanding and kind, and somehow dangerously inexplicably made Remus want to tell him more things about himself, terrible things, things he would hate him for.

"A single tear."

Remus looked over, back on his bed as the four of them had been charming paper airplanes to do tricks each from their own 'station'/bed.

"What?" he asked quietly, his voice sounding a little hoarse.

"You only shed a single tear. You must have been sobbing in the bathroom from how red your eyes were…and you've seen us bawl our eyes out in embarrassingly childlike ways. Peter's literally wiped snot on you and I've…..you've let me cry myself to sleep. Even James who has... like the least reason to cry out of all of us has cried to you over missing his parents last year and don't deny it because he told me this summer he did," Sirius whispered, sounding hoarse himself.

"I wasn't going to," Remus admitted, confused with where this was going.

"But you don't cry. You don't cry to us, you don't come to us. We're your friends, why can't you just trust us?" Sirius was crying now, his friends had all been close to tears when he explained about his mother but probably because he wasn't crying they all had struggled not to do so themselves.

Remus wondered if James and Peter were having a similar conversation amongst themselves or if Sirius was the only one bothered by this.

"I…...I wasn't allowed to…" He looked away from Sirius' far too piercing eyes. "Wasn't it the same with you?" he asked a bit desperately.

"When I was really little I cried to my mum because she cared back then you see. But even when I was older I cried to Drommie pretty much constantly, and my uncle, and even to my mother after Bellatrix crucio'd me… Even when my mom was at her worst I could always, well almost always, floo over to my aunts where she was somewhat more sympathetic and Drommie was great and Sissy….," Sirius trailed off.

"You used to be best friends with her didn't you?" Remus asked, having been wondering this for a while.

"Yeah, I guess...we were close in age and...NO!" Sirius suddenly shouted with such anger that Remus jumped.

"What?" he asked, looking around expecting to find something horribly wrong, he even checked Sirius' arms but Elvis was still curled up safe and sound. Then he realized Sirius was looking at him and he wilted suddenly feeling guilty though he wasn't sure why, his friend just looked so….hurt.

"You always do this and it's not fair and I'm not allowing it. This isn't about the once a month thing and if you think I can just stand for you never to talk about you or show when you're actually mad or sad you've got it all wrong!" Sirius hollered as if Remus was particularly hard of hearing.

"I didn't mean…."

"That's worse! If you don't mean to change the subject and do that's worse."

Sirius gently set Elvis down and strode over to Remus' bed making him very nervous. But his friend just sat beside him fuming.

"Talk to me. I get it more than anyone, so talk to me."

"But….but you don't," Remus heard himself whisper the words in horror but couldn't seem to stop them. Sirius didn't look offended, if anything he looked relieved and nodded for Remus to continue, determination set in his eyes. "You said it yourself you had someone…" Remus stopped himself feeling horrified.

"And you didn't," Sirius concluded in a tone that sounded strangled but strong. Remus shook his head because clearly that was wrong, he had his mother who comforted him only….only….

"She was sick….I didn't want to worry her more than I already did. I was already worrying her so much…...just you know... because parents worry in general…" Remus added hastily but Sirius only nodded not seeming to notice the slip. "She was there when I cried but….I tried not to….since she always cried….and always felt so ill….."

He almost let slip he made her sick, so it's not like he had any right to cry to her even as little as he had.

He wished she was here so he could cry to her now, wished she had been strong enough to withstand his anguish, he loved her so much, but he wished she had been strong enough that he hadn't felt like he had to protect her.

Suddenly Sirius' hand was on his head and he let out a startled yelp of confusion as his friend pushed his head down into his lap.

"Sirius...what?"

"Shut up! This is…..this is what Drommie would do when I was too angry or hurt but too embarrassed to want to cry to her…..see this way I'm not watching you…...you can cry Remus you should cry. Your mother died anyone would cry…..but….but don't cry alone…," Sirius explained in a too high pitched voice and Remus could hear the tears in his voice.

Tears he had again caused.

"Don't do that," Sirius snapped and Remus flinched wondering if his friend could suddenly read his mind.

"Do what?" he asked nervously

"Yes, I'm crying. Fucking deal with it. Of course, I am but it's not your fault. You get all tense and I know how you think. I'm not crying because of you but for you. Drommie told me that too, she's really wise, she'll make a great mom, but anyways this isn't your fault."

Remus felt his resolve not to cry begin to crack, the tight control on his emotions beginning to slip away.

"Sirius I can't….," he whimpered hating how pathetic he sounded but his friend didn't laugh at him or mock him or anything of the sort. He could feel Sirius take a deep breath and wondered if he was bothering him. He tried to sit up suddenly aware of how strange this was, his cheeks heating with embarrassment, but Sirius' hand on his head kept him firmly there.

"Why not?"

"Because…..because I have to…..," he struggled to explain in a way without giving away more than he wanted to. "Because my dad says I have to control my emotions….master them...that's what makes a good wizard…"

"Rubbish!" Sirius scolded

"I'm afraid of what will happen if I do," Remus admitted in a too-small voice.

"What do you mean? Look I promise I won't ask any questions, I won't even tell Peter and James about this if you want. You haven't told them how many times I've cried in your arms like a blubbering baby. I know this is weird but I can't think of anything else and…..," Sirius sounded nervous and Remus couldn't help but laugh at him, a slightly tense mostly hysterical bubble of nervous laughter.

"You don't need to mock me. I know I'm rubbish at this and I'm trying but… Oh, Remus!" Sirius sounded heartbroken but Remus had lost that grip on his emotions as soon as he let out a laugh and was sobbing too hard to stop now, wailing and crying, his whole body aching with it as if trying to expel every last drop that he had so often held back.

It all came pouring out like a flood and at first, Sirius seemed at an utter loss, probably not expecting Remus to cry so much, and so loud. His friend's hand shook as he stroked Remus' hair explaining through his own tears how sorry he was.

Remus barely heard he just kept crying and crying and crying.

Somewhere along the line between despair and grief and exhaustion, Sirius started singing in a broken voice that grew stronger once he realized it was calming Remus down, at least enough that he wasn't coughing out his sobs, choking on them barely able to breathe through them.

It was ridiculous and embarrassing and so damn comforting that Remus forgot all else and he just cried finding it impossible to believe that he had found someone who made him feel as safe as his mother did, he just hoped bitterly he wouldn't worry this precious person in his life to death as well.


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Thing About Lily Evans

Chapter Thirty-Seven: The Thing About Lily Evans

When James returned, ordering Peter to set up the array of all the best comfort foods Hogwarts had to offer downstairs, he entered the dorm to find Sirius sobbing. Not the sort of loud dramatic crying they had all done before, sometimes over nothing, but a scary silent sobbing that James had no idea what to do about.

Sirius saw him, looked at him with eyes full of such pain, and tried to say something, but he was crying too hard to. Then James noticed Remus lying down, head in Sirius' lap, fast asleep, face still covered in tears and he thought he understood a bit more. But that didn't mean he knew what to do. He gave Sirius a helpless look and went back down into the common room to get back-up.

"James, what's wrong?" Peter asked, the smile slipping off his face.

"I need to find Lily," he replied, making Peter stare at him as if he lost his mind. But in all honesty, James couldn't think of anyone else, well he could, it's not like he only ever thought about Lily! But Patricia wasn't really comforting or even all that kind and Frank would probably be a good choice only Sirius would murder him if he let anyone of real authority know.

That left Lily.

Shaking slightly because he had no idea how to confront this level of pain and grief he started climbing the girls' stairs, forgetting about the most unfair rule in all of Hogwarts and slid back down with a shout of frustration.

"LILY! LILY EVANS!" he shouted desperately. It was nearly ten o'clock meaning that she was most definitely in her room. This also meant he may or may not be waking up some firsties but he didn't really care at the moment.

"James, what's going on? Should I go get Remus?" Peter asked confused and James rounded on him in alarm.

"Don't go up there," he said gravely since he was pretty sure Peter wasn't used to that kind of scary sorrow either. He wasn't even thirteen yet! How was he supposed to handle this? A too-small rational part of his brain recognized Lily wasn't thirteen yet either, but she was a girl which automatically made her good at this stuff.

"LILY EVANS!" he shouted again knowing he sounded more than a bit stressed, but again he didn't really care about that right now.

"James, what's going on?" Peter asked in a small voice sounding scared now.

"LILYmmmmmmph."

He struggled out of the hand Dorcas had clamped over his mouth and turned to meet her unamused look.

"You're going to wake up everyone Potter and you're bothering those of us who were downstairs studying."

James gaped heat flooding to his face as he realized Lily and Marlenee were seated at one of the tables watching him with a look that made it very clear they thought that this was a prank.

But James didn't care about that either!

His friends were hurting and crying and he was useless and he hated being useless as much as he hated losing.

"Lily it's about Remus!" he shouted at her trying to convey with his eyes how serious it was. Dorcas raised an eyebrow looking skeptical but Lily had knocked down her chair in her haste and was already racing up the steps to the boys' dorm.

"If this is some sort of trick Potter," Dorcas threatened in that intimidating way of hers that made James secretly glad she was the beater, since no offense to Sirius but he was only intimidating when he was crazy upset which wouldn't bode well for Quidditch. Ignoring the stab of jealousy he had felt at watching Lily immediately rush to Remus' side he turned to Dorcas scowling.

"It's not but if it was then it's all fair in the prank war."

"It's one thing to play petty pranks but it's another to mess with someone's feelings."

"Feelings?" James asked, feeling as out of his depths as he typically did when speaking to girls. Not for the first time, he considered getting lessons or at least pointers from Sirius, only his friend would be too cocky.

He supposed he could get tips from Remus but he would probably just tell James to treat them like humans, only it was very clear to him females were a different species entirely. Still, Sirius' cockiness would be better than Dorcas currently looking at him like he was particularly dull, which was not accurate, he was brilliant...except maybe not at consoling his friends….or with girls yet.

"You really don't know? Lily has a crush on Remus so if this is some prank it's not ok."

James felt his worst fears confirmed but didn't have time to wonder why that was so upsetting to him, nor to wonder why he cared so much and his chest hurt so much because he had to focus on walking away from Dorcas before he let something slip that he shouldn't.

"I mean it, Potter. You're protective or your friends? Well SO AM I," she shouted after him as he climbed the steps back to the dorm, after making Peter promise he'd stay down there. His friend looked equally at a loss and nervous, but James figured it was best to keep one of them from seeing the utter agony etched on Sirius' face.

He reached the landing to find only faint candlelight flickering, casting shadows about the room. He reminded himself this was not the time to be embarrassed at Lily being in his room, though he did wish he had listened to Remus' 'polite' suggestion earlier that day on where he could shove his dirty socks besides laying them around everywhere.

"You really love him don't you," he heard Lily whisper, crouched on the ground at Sirius' feet who had stopped crying but still looked really upset.

"Course I do, he's my family."

"Then you have to promise me something."

"Just because you helped me calm down doesn't mean…"

"I mean it. If you care about him as much as it's clear you do then you have to promise me something, Sirius Black."

James hung back by the door since both of them sounded really serious, and hadn't seemed to realize he'd entered yet.

"Anything."

"When you find out you can't be mad, you can't be mean, you can't push him away."

"But…."

"Just listen to me, please. We both know it's only a matter of time. I'm going to try to convince Remus to tell you himself but I don't think he will. You don't understand now but you will and when you do you probably will be mad even if it's just a little. But you can't be. Promise me, Sirius. He's been through so much, you have to be the friend he deserves. Promise me."

"I…..I….promise," Sirius stammered looking taken aback and fearful.

As James stood there awkwardly at the door and watched Lily stand up, turning to go with her wig that somehow looked too much like her own hair, with tears sparkling in the prettiest green eyes he'd ever seen he realized he might…..might just have the tiniest crush on Lily.

"You too Potter, promise me?" she stated gravely standing in front of him, actually a fraction of a centimeter taller than him at the moment. He nodded feeling dazed at how beautiful she was, and kind, because he had been right to get her, she'd made things better in no time, though he wished he knew how.

"Good." She hesitated, a finger wrapping around a stray lock of hair that she twisted so tight he was worried it might be painful for her. "And thank you for getting me. I suppose you aren't...as brainless as I thought. Goodnight James."

She gave him a small smile he never thought would be directed at him of all people and left him standing there stunned.

"Night," he whispered after she'd already shut the door and left.

"Traitor," Sirius whispered though he didn't sound upset at all. "Thanks, James."

"For what?" he asked, still feeling a little out of place and a little panicky at the, maybe, realization he just had.

"For not being as brainless as I thought," Sirius replied with the faintest hint of amusement as he quoted Lily, still in a hushed tone.

"No problem. Need anything?"

"No."

James hesitated, the atmosphere feeling too serious and thick.

"You gonna just...stay there all night?" he asked awkwardly because it was distinctively odd to have one of your best mates with your other best mate's head in his lap, especially if they were going to stay like that all night. Sirius gave him an annoyed look, his cheeks a bit pink, though that might have just been the reflection of the candlelight.

"If I move he'll wake up and I'm afraid he'll start sobbing all over again."

"I thought you wanted him to cry. You kept complaining that it wasn't fair and he should trust us more and…," James trailed off at the unamused look his friend was giving him. "I just mean…..isn't it good he opened up more or whatever?"

Sirius gave an uncomfortable shrug.

"I didn't expect him…..to…...well I don't know. I said I wouldn't say anything but it's kind of obvious," Sirius sounded a little scared now and James was aware that he was probably making everything worse.

"Sorry."

"Shut up James. It's just…..I've seen some shit as you know….been through some shit…," Sirius admitted reluctantly and James nodded holding his breath to keep from ruining it, Sirius hardly ever talked to him about just how bad his family was. "I've cried from the sheer pain to Drommie and Regulus has cried to me…...and even Sissy…"

James felt very confused but still didn't dare to say anything, didn't even dare move.

"But…..no one's ever cried so….I don't know how to describe it…..it was scary and…hurt."

James had a pretty good idea what Sirius meant if Remus had cried anywhere close to how Sirius had been crying, with that haunting look of despair on a face that was just straight up too young to look so….brokenhearted.

"I'm sorry mate. I guess we shouldn't have left."

"No it's ok, I mean it's not...like at all...but you're right…..he trusted me enough to cry….I mean I had to force him to…..but still,….I mean he even fell asleep so he must trust me a bit."

James wanted to point out falling asleep in someone's lap took more than a bit of trust but figured it might be best not to say anything, there was a quiet hush about Sirius who seemed at the moment somehow more….what was the word...vulnerable?

Yeah, who seemed more vulnerable now than James had just about ever seen him, because sure back when he had first told them stuff he looked a bit like he currently did, but he had also seemed more determined and altogether angry at that time.

So James just nodded.

"I can't really protect Regulus but I want to and I want to protect Remus but I don't know how. Do you ever feel like you just….fail...at everything."

James didn't quite feel that way except maybe when it came to girls but he still just nodded, Sirius hardly seeming to be talking to him anymore.

"He's family that's all. It's not like how you want to hold Lily's hand, it's different."

James nodded now confused, wondering why Sirius was bringing that up or why it seemed to bother him so much.

"We're all family," he whispered and Sirius nodded, giving him a grateful look.

"Yeah, and we need to find out what is going on with Remus before it kills him. I think he might have what his mom does….or worse…...some illness? He mentioned not going to his mom a lot so as not to worry her….but the way he said it James…...the way…..it seemed like something more…..if that makes sense…"

James nodded absently.

"Like I feel like I should know it you know? I still think we're missing something big. I don't get why Lily made us promise that or why she and Remus think we're just going to hate him or something?" Sirius continued sounding hurt and confused, which James could very much relate with.

"I mean maybe if he was Voldemort or something," he pointed out and Sirius gave a snort of amusement.

"Yeah you're right James I think then I wouldn't be able to like him. But clearly, he isn't a monster," Sirius sounded amused and was luckily looking at Remus because he missed the horror that had suddenly filled James and spread across his face.

Because it all suddenly made sense, a perfectly horrifying, no way could that possibly be it, kind of sense.

Struggling not to stumble backward from the sheer shock of it James slowly moved his legs, inching his way towards his bed, afraid if Sirius looked up and saw him now he'd know James had thought of something and make him tell him.

Which James couldn't do because Lily's promise, her especially insistent promise she forced Sirius to make, made sense and so did Remus' reactions to things that had before seemed … a bit bizarre. Reaching his bed James let out a long shaky breath, knowing Sirius couldn't see him now.

There was no way! If his suspicion was correct then Remus shouldn't even be at Hogwarts. Only Dumbledore had let a vampire into the walls, was this any more dangerous?

Dangerous?

James felt sick, this was Remus, their Remus, no, there was no way.

"Wake me up if you need anything, ok Sirius?" he forced himself to say, sounding muffled as he buried his head in his pillow.

Sirius gave a sound of acknowledgment and James squeezed his eyes tight, resisting the urge to reach under his bed for the scribbled list of dates they had been keeping. No, he'd pair them up on a calendar tomorrow. Tonight James would continue thinking he had just gone a bit crazy.

He was afraid to pair up the dates, to have his suspicions be proven right. Because what if he was right?

Then what?

James squeezed his pillow wishing he could talk to his parents about this only he knew he couldn't, just like he couldn't tell them his two best friends got hurt at home, and he hated that. But this was worse because James was pretty sure he'd know what his mom and dad would do if they found out, and it would hurt Remus. Only he was wrong and there was nothing to freak out about. He'd check the moon cycle tomorrow or the next day….or maybe the next.

It was just because he was still thrown off balance by Lily. Besides, thinking one of his best friends in the whole world might be a werewolf didn't make him one.

At least he really fucking hoped so!


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight: A Spy and A Lie

Chapter Thirty-Eight: A Spy and A Lie

TW: Mentions of Death

Lily slowly took the stairs back down thinking about the way Sirius had been looking at Remus. Surely he wouldn't hate his best friend if he found out?

He cared about Remus but from what Lily had observed in DADA his hate for all dark creatures seemed unnaturally hostile. Like something personal had happened hostile. She and Marlene, who liked to gossip, had tried to piece a picture together from what Alice had learned from Ted Tonks.

She now regretted doing so, remembering how upset Sirius had been about people whispering about him behind his back, but it was quite hard not to. Still, she knew that despite everything Sirius was a good person, even if he was a moron, and she just had to believe he'd come through for Remus.

Surely James and Peter would, though she figured she best make Peter swear the same thing the other two had. Not that she saw Pettigrew getting mad, but afraid, which might hurt Remus more now that she considered it. Then there was James who she actually probably knew the least about out of the four.

He was usually an annoying toe rag and she just tried to habitually block out whatever was said by him or about him. Still, James had been sweet to get her, he had a sort of cute expression when he was so clearly at a loss, preferable to his typical arrogant one, well it would be if the situation hadn't been so upsetting.

Why hadn't Remus cried to her?

Sirius didn't even know all of what was going on, that was still apparent. Maybe that's why Remus had cried to him not her? She felt the tiniest bit of jealousy though she had realized that while what she felt for Remus was fiercely strong it was platonic, regrettably so since she was sure he'd make a wonderful boyfriend. A much better one than Black or stupid Potter would anyways, especially stupid Potter.

Still, if Remus decided to date her she also decided she wouldn't say no, mostly because he could then better use her as an excuse to flee his friends. Besides, she figured if things didn't turn out things would be awkward but her and Remus' friendship had survived plenty of awkwardness. But around the same time, she realized this she also realized that Remus would never ask her out. She knew someone needed to show him he could be loved in a romantic way but she knew that couldn't be her because try as she might to conjure up those feelings, because honestly what was wrong with her, he was wonderful, she could not.

Still, she'd show him he deserved to be loved platonically with all her little heart. Maybe Lily just didn't like boys, in fact, she questioned the sanity of those who did. Not that she liked girls but she felt a little foolish as all her friends had 'crushes' even if it was just some idol or athlete. Then there was her, and she just had two special friendships with two very different boys each dear to her. But she could no more love Remus in the way Marlene seemed oddly but sweetly infatuated with Peter than she could ever love Severus.

She tried having a crush but it didn't work, so maybe it wasn't entirely fair she didn't refute her friends' suggestions about a crush on Remus as adamantly as she should have, but it was better they thought she was crushing on him than on Severus. She sighed heavily as she often did when thinking about Severus and nearly got stepped on by Peter coming up the stairs she had sat down on.

"Ah! Oh Lily sorry I didn't see you there!" he gasped looking earnestly worried he had indeed stepped on her. He was another one Lily couldn't quite understand, at least as far as why he was so devoted to Sirius and James who she'd witnessed be just dreadful to him.

Remus, surprisingly, seemed able to hold his own amongst the two and could send back witty comments if their teasing was getting to be too much. But poor sweet Peter never seemed to quite know how to, or even how to tell his friends no.

"Actually do you have a moment Peter?"

"Uh….well I'm nervous about my friends James told me to wait downstairs... but it's been a while and he never came back….."

Lily felt a stab of sympathy for him.

"They're asleep Peter but I don't think he meant to forget you," though one could never know with James Potter, "I think they are just all pretty upset."

Peter hung his head looking understandably upset at being forgotten.

"Yeah, I know. I'd be pretty upset if my mum died. I wrote her a letter while I was down in the common room because I got worried."

"What?" Lily asked, taken aback. Strangely she had never considered why Remus had been so upset, or more accurately what he had told his friends the reason was. Peter gave her a weird look then looked nervous.

"You didn't know about Remus' mum? Oh no please don't tell them I told you! Sirius and James will be so mad at me," whined the smaller boy whose pudgy cheeks were puffed out in a pleading look that made Peter look rather...uncomfortable.

"No, I knew. Sorry, it's just late," she assured him, wondering to herself when Remus' mother had actually died and hoping both that it had been a while ago and that it hadn't been.

"Oh, oh ok," Peter gasped, relaxing. "Well did you still want to talk?"

"Sure Peter." She smiled deciding she ought to be nicer to the boy. They went back into the common room where Dorcas approached her looking worried.

"You look sad. Was it a prank? Lily, I swear when I get my hands on that Potter,..."

She let out a laugh she needed and gave Dorcas a grateful smile.

"No it wasn't a prank Dorcas I promise. James actually did the right thing...for once," she added, making Peter squirm and open his mouth as if wanting to defend his friend then closing it as he thought better of it.

"Well...ok then." Her friend relaxed only to raise an eyebrow in confusion and concern. "Remus alright then?" Peter squirmed some more glancing worriedly at Lily as if afraid she might say something.

"Sorry Dorcas sworn to secrecy, you'll have to ask him," she replied with a cheerful smile figuring Dorcas might plan to do so but wouldn't when she saw Remus joking around with his friends tomorrow.

At least she really hoped he'd be smiling and laughing with his friends tomorrow.

Because if Remus' mom hadn't recently passed away then she realized perhaps other than the stress of his friends finding out, which was plenty to make someone cry though maybe not to those friends, she couldn't think what else would have caused Remus to be that upset if he really was as accustomed to his transformations as he'd have her believe.

"Hi, Peter. You gonna join in?" Marlene asked, waving her hand as Lily led Peter to their table.

"Yeah, Lily said I could. Is that ok?" Peter asked, looking a little uncertain but smiling at Marlene all the same.

"Of course it is. Have to save a seat for my little hero now don't I?" Marlene giggled and Peter's face went pink. He took his seat mumbling he hadn't really done much.

"Oh don't be silly Petey, if it wasn't for you we would have lost all our hair at least for a whole day. Thanks to you we didn't have to wear scratchy wigs or just wait for a draught to slowly grow it back," Marlene gushed, latching herself onto the now uncomfortable boy's arm.

"You can't ever tell James ok. He'd be really disappointed. I don't want him being mad at me," Peter fretted glancing from Marlene to Dorcas and finally Lily. She nodded in agreement with Dorcas, she wouldn't say anything though she noticed Marlene hadn't responded, only it seemed Peter didn't actually need any reassurance from her.

She doubted Marlene would say anything since it had been her idea in the first place to have Peter become their spy when they realized Remus was staying out of it as much as he possibly could. Truthfully it hadn't been hard at all, at least that's what Marlene reported, to get Peter to tell them what was coming. They then got to choose what pranks to allow so as not to come across too suspicious and which pranks to avoid completely or which pranks to pretend to have fallen victim to.

"Do you think the prank war could stop soon though?" Peter asked hesitantly, flinching at the displeased look Marlene directed at him letting go of his arm.

"Don't be stupid Peter, they have to admit defeat first."

As much as Lily wanted Potter and Black to admit defeat she didn't particularly want to continue the prank war anymore herself. Not with how upset Sirius had been and apparently that Remus had been as well. She met eyes with Dorcas who gave a shrug to show she was indifferent either way.

"I think that's a good idea, Peter. After all, I think the boys will have other things on their minds and we could just let the whole thing fizzle out," she pointed out, directing her gaze to Marlene who didn't seem pleased.

"What else could they have on their minds but us girls?" she asked and Peter let out a scoff going red as three sets of eyes fell on him curiously.

"Oh uh…..well we don't actually talk about girls like at all unless it's teasing one another about them."

"But we're almost all already teenagers!" Marlene cried aghast though Lily wasn't sure why she was upset since Peter had made it clear he was interested in dating.

"Geez Marlene we're like twelve," Dorcas grumbled, actually the only other girl besides her that didn't seem particularly interested in guys yet.

"Yes, but we're in the midst of war. Teen Weekly said that young witches and wizards are hooking up faster than ever because every day could be our last."

"Oh don't say that," Peter pleaded, looking quite worried about the prospect. Marlene glanced at Peter and apologized for upsetting him, the sensitive boy smiling as he assured her that it was alright and that the boys would for sure think more about girls next year.

Lily could sort of see why Marlene had a crush on Peter, at least she hoped her friend did. Because she loved Marlene, but her friend spent a bit too much time buried in those teenage girl magazines and trying to be the popular girl her sister had been.

This led Lily to believe, along with a few strange things Marlene had said, that maybe she wasn't actually crushing on Peter. But it didn't make sense to Lily and she couldn't see her friend leading poor sweet Peter along, who did have his charms even if he was a bit slow.

"Well, are we going to agree to drop the prank war or not?"

"I think we should put it on hiatus and Peter can make sure the boys do the same. No one needs to surrender and no winner needs to be determined. We'll just pause it until another time," Lily explained feeling relief when her friends didn't seem to disagree.

"Until next year when the boys talk to us more….well, Lily already talks to them but until they talk to the rest of us more," Marlene replied eagerly.

"You sure this isn't because you were actually pranked horribly just now?" Dorcas replied gruffly, shooting Lily a look when she assured her that wasn't it, that suggested she perhaps was a bit frustrated that Lily didn't just tell her what was going on with Remus.

But Lily wasn't about to break that promise, she'd take it to the grave.

...

Somewhere along the lines, Sirius had fallen asleep after James had since he distinctly remembered hearing his friend's soft sort of snoring. He had simply fallen back onto the bed in a sort of uncomfortable position with Remus still on his lap but he wasn't about to wake Remus and risk more crying so he had accepted his fate.

He dreamt of odd floating shapes that glowed and of Remus standing beside him as he faced these odd glowing shapes which somehow suddenly became a whole flock of dementors. But he wasn't afraid and Remus nodded to Sirius holding his hand, appearing older as a burst of white light pushed them all away.

Then Remus was gone and Sirius was staring at Regulus lying in the mud, a frozen look of disapproval on his dead face that left Sirius filled with guilt.

"Ah!"

"AH!"

Sirius had tried so hard not to wake Remus, his back hurt from it, but a stupid nightmare had ruined it and he was pissed.

"I'm sorry Remus I…"

"Sirius? What? Why am I?..."

They both trailed off and an awkward silence followed.

"Well I should get back... to my…. to my much more comfortable bed," he laughed nervously wondering why part of him wanted to stay, he must be awfully tired if the walk back to his bed seemed that drastic.

"Yes, that's a good idea."

"Remus?" Sirius's tired mind tried to process what he was seeing wondering if he was still dreaming.

"Um….yes?"

"Your eyes are glowing? Why are they glowing?" Sirius asked amidst a loud yawn.

"You're still asleep," Remus whispered and Sirius nodded because this made complete sense. He felt his head hit the bed which seemed awfully vivid for a dream.

"They're pretty….like those orbs….strange orbs. Hey Remus?" he asked, feeling the bed shift as his friend attempted to get off of it.

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave ok? You need to help me….defeat the monster…...the dementors….. the whole horde…...only you…," he trailed off somehow back asleep in the dream, what an odd dream.

He was pretty sure dream Remus laid back down though since he felt something warm and safe snuggle up beside him.


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Hapless Heir

Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Hapless Heir

"Oi LuLu over here!"

"How many times have I told you it's Lucinda! How would you like it if I call you Greg?"

"You do call me Greg," pointed out a young boy. He stood defiantly with his slightly longer than shoulder length dark auburn hair pulled into a ponytail. He was smirking at a tall-for-her-age witch with short-cropped black hair. They often got on each other's nerves which probably had to do with the slightly large ears and nearly identical blue eyes the two had, making it easy to distinguish that they were cousins.

Regulus watched them, lying down on the ledge of the courtyard with a lazy smile. After nearly three months at Hogwarts, he was feeling more at home here, more confident here, than he'd ever been before. He still checked in with Kreacher who he still saw as his closest friend, the one who was there for him when no one else was. But he had to admit having human friends was special, and now Regulus had so many. He was the height of popularity, mostly because of Narcissa, but he decided he didn't mind riding on her cloak tail this year.

Truly he could have his pick of friends, even out of the older students who would do what he said without batting their eyes. Perks of being a Black he supposed, he was Hogwarts royalty, at least among the Slytherins. Only Malfoy really came anywhere close to his blood purity and with Bellatrix and Narcissa working together to run some top-secret organization that served the Dark Lord with Malfoy, he was seen as far superior to anyone else. It also helped that he was an exceptional wizard, he wasn't arrogant about it, but it would be pointless to deny it.

Still, out of all the first through fourth years, his status with anyone older than that was nonexistent, he preferred his three friends and fellow first years. They had been friends with him almost immediately as they rode over in the boats, and that was before they knew who he was. They also weren't as...cruel as some of the other Slytherins who one way or another were bullies.

The other Slytherins were bullies that Regulus could command if he chose to and he kept that in mind, not that he had much use for bullies. However, if Sirius started pranking them Regulus wasn't about to go down without a fight. Long gone were the days when he was at the mercy of his brother's juvenile pranks, and Regulus never passed the opportunity to subtly bring this up to Sirius.

Between the two of them, things were...ok? Sirius still had that temper which was so similar to their mother's, even if he refused to see it. It really was a pity that Sirius wasn't a good little Slytherin because Regulus often felt a little out of place with as much power as he'd gain from his status. Narcissa told him to quit being a baby and that he was as good as the Black heir now.

But as much as he wanted that power he felt horribly inadequate at wielding it, he couldn't even command Kreacher, not that he had to but he also got terribly upset when Kreacher was punished which apparently wasn't right. "He's an underling, not a friend," he'd been told countless times. Great leaders need to know the difference, Sirius did, and deep down Regulus knew his brother would have been better at this.

If Sirius was in Slytherin he'd probably be a part of the group of older students serving the Dark Lord, even if he was only a year above Regulus. However, as hard as Regulus tried to join, Narcissa was adamant that whatever they were doing wasn't any place for a kid.

His cousin could be a real wanker sometimes, still treating him like a baby. It's not like he had gone and cried to her about missing home past the first few days of his arrival, and that had been weeks ago. At least she was nice though, Sirius and he met once a week pretty regularly now, but Sirius was never really nice. Regulus couldn't talk about his friends which Sirius described as ickle evil Slytherins to be, and spent most of the time listening to his brother trying to convince Regulus to meet him without Narcissa's help, then getting angry when he wouldn't. Why would he want to? He knew it kept Sirius behaving, and that as soon as he agreed his brother would start pranking Slytherins again. Even if Sirius thought he was an idiot, he wasn't.

Several times he and Sirius' meeting had ended in crossed arms and both of them giving the other their best haughty expression as they stalked off. But Regulus always came back to what had become their courtyard, and Sirius always came back too. That meant the world to Regulus, even if he found his brother woefully ignorant of the going on's of the world and the way things should be.

"Ow! Stop pulling my hair LuLu," Gregory Pucey snapped, waving his wand at his cousin in an empty threat.

"Then cut it. I know your mother hates how long it is," she shot back. Somehow listening to the two of them bickering soothed Regulus. He had grown used to parents arguing, or cousins, or his brother arguing with his mother. In the too-quiet moments at Hogwarts, he didn't know what to do with himself. During the very early morning hours when everyone was still asleep he'd get up and walk to the lake, odd dreams just out of his reach, they seemed important but he could never remember them. When he went to sit out there, in those lonely moments where he kept worrying his friends didn't really know the true him, that he didn't even know the true him, he'd call Kreacher who would tell him all the going on's of home.

But last week he hadn't been able to do that. He'd gotten a very unkind letter from his mother reminding him that he was almost twelve and that he had to start acting like it and realize that house-elves weren't to ease his loneliness, which she had said he wasn't allowed to feel. Regulus wanted to talk to Sirius about it, he knew his brother didn't like Kreacher, but unlike Narcissa, he also didn't like their mother, so perhaps this time he'd be sympathetic.

"Regulus come and join our game," shouted Gregory, slapping Lucinda lightly who was slowly reaching out a hand to tug his ponytail again.

"Yeah, help me beat little Greggy into the ground," Lucinda shouted with glee punching her fist into her hand. Sometimes she forgot she had a wand and Regulus swore she still preferred her fists to spells. He knew she wanted to be a beater and was very upset when her family connections didn't lead to her being able to this year.

Regulus shook his head gesturing to Toady who was on his chest. He hadn't been allowed to join the choir, it was too much of a pansy activity as Narcissa had put it and when he asked his mother she said it was unbecoming of him. He still wished he could, he liked to sing and Kreacher said he was good at it. At least he had Toady, though he was very jealous that Sirius had a kitten even if he brought him for Regulus to pet. It wasn't so much that Sirius had gotten himself an animal, as that he had done it without permission. Regulus wished he had the guts to do something without permission.

"Hey guys, hey guys!" Emma called. She was the third friend in their little group who had just appeared in the courtyard looking a little out of breath. She ran over to them, her bright bob of blond hair bouncing as she ran with a wide grin on her face.

"What is it Emma?" he asked, sitting up and letting Toady slide into his lap.

"Yeah what is it E?"

"I just talked to Gideon," she shrieked in excitement. Regulus raised an eyebrow, they were all super supportive of their Hogwarts champion- though they wouldn't tell the older Slytherins that- but he doubted Emma actually talked to him. She tended to lie bluntly about most things and really didn't even seem to consider it lying, active imagination she said it was called. Regulus found it very active but she had told him bluntly to his face when he was doing his wand work wrong, the only one who dared to, so he sort of liked her. Plus Sirius had three best friends, Regulus had seen them laughing in the halls, so he had to have three too.

"Really?" Gregory asked doubtfully, "and what did he say?"

"That he figured out what the first task was!"

"Woah!"

"That's so cool!"

"Well, what is it?" Regulus asked quickly, wondering if there was a slim chance she was telling the truth.

"Something to do with the lake and he was talking to some older Gryffindors."

"I thought he was talking to you," Lucinda laughed, making Emma's face go blotchy with anger, she hated being caught in a lie.

"Well not just me," she pointed out impatiently tugging on a necklace given to her by her older brother who she wanted to be just like. Regulus wished Sirius was well behaved enough that he could have that wish. Then again maybe not, he couldn't even picture what a well behaved Sirius looked like. Unless it was picturing his brother looking and being utterly miserable.

"Fine, but what did he say?" Regulus demanded and Emma glanced at him, her bright brown eyes sparkling with delight.

"There's going to be docks on the water that speed around the lake and they will have to fight the giant Kraken."

That sounded really cool, but Regulus wasn't sure he could trust this not to be her imagination. She also didn't seem all that bright to him...not for a Ravenclaw anyways. But her sheer enthusiasm was certainly contagious even if it was from sheer will power alone.

"Sooo cool" shouted Greggory, who could be far too trusting of Emma. Regulus had never thought of himself as mature for his age, he had always been told he was a cry baby and a little snot-nosed imp. But upon having friends his age he realized early on this very important truth, children didn't think things through, not really. Sure, Regulus let himself be dragged into shenanigans but it wasn't just his popularity that led him to be a leader, he actually came up with plans, while his other three friends just wanted to jump right in.

They literally wanted to jump right into the lake. As if that would somehow make the docks and giant Kraken appear as if they could face it anyways. That was another thing- the other children all seemed to think they were wonderful wizards that could go up against Dumbledore, well maybe not him but some adult wizard, if given the chance. Regulus knew he was more talented than any of them, yet he also was painfully aware of his limitations thanks to his older family members constantly reminding him of them.

One day he'd be strong enough to duel Dumbledore and win, not that he particularly had any qualms with the too-kind man, but it was just the precedent of the thing that mattered. Regulus liked doing things because he could, though they almost always had another purpose.

"Come on Reggy let's go!" Greggory shouted, but he told them they weren't going and they all reluctantly obeyed, but they were all so downcast about it. Honestly, if they hadn't listened to him these past months they probably would all be expelled by now.

Well, he supposed them jumping in the lake couldn't cause that much harm.

"I have to wait for my brother but you guys can go ahead," he assured them, noticing with irritation the glance that passed between the three.

They thought he was crazy for giving Sirius too many chances, even though they all had older siblings themselves, they had normal older siblings. But he wasn't that lucky and at least his friends didn't outright confront him on it. They asked him one more time if he was sure then took off running already shouting which one of them would defeat the Kraken. Regulus shook his head knowing all they'd get would be hyperthermia if they really were going to go jumping into the water. That wasn't too bad considering Madam Pomfrey could give them a warming tonic and send them on their way, as long as they didn't freeze to death before she did. Well, it would serve them right if they did.

"Oi Reggy, how's it going?" Sirius called with his usual casual saunter Regulus couldn't seem to imitate and his charm that Regulus didn't seem to possess.

"Wotcher Sirius?" he called back setting Toady in the little fountain in the middle of the courtyard. His brother grinned at the improper greeting as Regulus knew he would. Sirius looked more tired than he normally did, his older brother had always had a knack for waking up at off times but he had still always managed to get enough sleep even if it meant skipping their lesson in manners or breakfast with the family.

Today however he had bags under his eyes, which didn't detract from his handsomeness as much as they should. He still looked like an heir, all confidence and attitude. Regulus knew his whole family considered him a poor replacement. They'd welcome Sirius back immediately for anything short of marrying a Muggleborn, while Regulus secretly suspected if he really crossed a line he'd never be that lucky.

"Were you out perusing the castle?"

Sirius laughed at him scooching Regulus over slightly despite there being enough room for him to just sit down, just because he could.

"Perusing? How old are you Regulus? Geez, you old geezer no one says perusing," Sirius chortled ruffling Regulus' hair in that demeaning way which always made him grateful his friends made themselves scarce while he talked to his older brother.

"You know what I mean," he protested, half-heartedly batting his older brother's hand away.

"Something like that," he gave a too innocent shrug and Regulus sighed.

"If mother finds out…"

"Don't just don't. She won't find out and if she does I'll know who told you, little tattletale," Sirius cut in sharply, his eyes narrowed at Regulus, daring him to argue. Regulus didn't, there were just battles that weren't worth it to pick, even if his older brother seemed to think every battle was worth it.

"I won't."

"Good, now how has your week been?"

Regulus talked about his classes, since his brother was asking about that, not about his friends, he never wanted to hear about them or what they did together. Except when Regulus got detention for "being a swat", then Sirius wanted to hear all about that.

"Well I'd say you have wingardium leviosa pretty much mastered," Sirius exclaimed proudly when Regulus demonstrated navigating the feather above and around with the spell he'd mastered days ago, not that Sirius would believe that. Regulus being smart was fine as long as he didn't come close to surpassing his brother who was a notoriously bad sport.

Then Regulus would quickly drop from "my clever little brother" to "arrogant swat." As they went from talking about Regulus' week, to him demonstrating what he learned, to his brother showing off what he knew in a matter that made it truly showing off, to his brother discussing his week, Regulus wondered why he kept coming. Sissy told him it was crazy to expect Sirius to change, though Regulus knew she wanted him to too.

But Regulus wasn't ready to accept Sirius was a lost cause, no matter how much he ranted about evil Voldemort without even considering that the other side may have good points, no matter how painfully he acted as if he were a lost cause. Regulus, perhaps stupidly, loved him and couldn't let go of what he knew now to be a juvenile hope of a happy family life that Sirius was single-handedly ruining.

"What's wrong Reg?"

Your actions affect more people than just you. Mother has been hard on me, much more so, ever since you ruined her trust in us. Why I should be included I don't know, but I am and ever since arriving at Hogwarts her letters to me have been filled with warnings to stay on the right side of things, even though I'm not you. Even though I'm not you, she seems to think I am, or I'll become you, and I want things to go back to how they were dammit.

"Reg?"

"Sorry."

"You shouldn't stare off like that, people might think you're a dimwit. Haha no need to glare icky Reggy, you know I'm just joking."

You're always just joking, even when you want to inflict pain you're 'just joking'. When you and Narcissa left me in the attic for six hours it was 'just joking'. You're going to waste your whole life, amounting to nothing because you'll just be 'joking'.

"...so instead we're going tonight and…"

Regulus pulled himself away from his angry thoughts trying to focus on what his brother was saying.

"You're going into the Forbidden Forest?" he asked in alarm.

"Yeah, it's really cool and not at all as dangerous as Dumbledore makes it sound."

"Sirius it is dangerous you could get hurt."

"Oh come on Reg live a little! It's not a big deal. You always go and make a big deal out of things that aren't,"

"But Sirius…."

"Don't whine Reg. Don't look at me like that, I'll be fine, honest."

Again came the hair ruffle that Regulus had once appreciated and found a source of comfort in. But now, now it grated on his nerves just like ever meeting with Sirius did. His brother was giving his usual spiel about Regulus seeing both sides was good for him and how he should form his own thoughts, not just parrot Narcissa yada yada yada.

You're a hypocrite. A dumb reckless hypocrite and I'm not going to let you go and get yourself killed in the forest. You think I'm a tattletale, well I can be one if it means saving your neck.

"So yeah I really think things would be better that way Reg."

"I'll consider it," he replied trying to keep his frustration out of his tone. Sirius frowned hearing it anyways but said nothing, someone must be coaching him on not going off on his little brother, because at the very least he was getting better at that.

"Good, then I best be off, got to get back to my mates and all. You sure you don't want them to come along? Or we could go down to Quidditch pitch and James could get us in and we could play a mock game of Quidditch or something," Sirius added hopefully.

"That's ok. Actually, Sirius before you go, could…."

"Oh come on Reg you never do anything fun. You're always by yourself or running around with that one little troll."

My friend, she's my friend. You wouldn't like it if I called your friend's filthy little names, because it would be far too easy to.

Hold your tongue, just hold your…

"It's only because you won't let me talk about my friend." He could have left it at that, should have left it at that. They could have crossed arms, exchanged haughty expressions, and left.

Regulus was the calm one because Sirius was the angry one.

But Regulus wasn't calm, he was angry, he was so, so angry and disappointed being at school with Sirius wasn't at all how he imagined it.

"Besides, at least I'm not running around with a filthy little Mudblood!"

Crack!

Regulus knew his brother would get pissed, perhaps a part of him wanted him too, but even being ready for the slap it still hurt.

"I ought to scourgify your mouth with soap. I'm serious Regulus, you better not let me catch you saying that again! You're better than that."

Only I'm not because if I was then you'd actually listen to me, you would have let me tell you about mum's letters and Kreacher. If I was "better than that" you would actually seem to enjoy our meeting instead of always looking so upset. If I really was so much better you'd quit reminding me how disappointed you are that I'm in Slytherin, as if that automatically makes me a bad person.

"I wouldn't go in the forest if I were you," he replied darkly, hand pressed over his throbbing cheek, glaring at Sirius who looked a bit distraught before storming out of the courtyard fuming. He knew his brother was immediately sorry, plainly saw the tears welling in his eyes, but it didn't change the fact Regulus' cheek hurt and that Sirius so excelled at treating Regulus how their mother treated his brother. Only... their mother basically treated Regulus..., not all that well either.

"Kreacher," he called sniffling, despite knowing Kreacher had been ordered not to come. "Kreacher," he called again, his voice breaking as tears ran down his cheeks.

But there was no response this time either. He was alone, so very alone.


	40. Chapter Forty: Journey to the Forest

Chapter Forty: Journey to the Forest

"Oi, calm down mate,"

"He's so infuriating! You should see the way he looks at me as if I'm dirt, as if I'm beneath him. He's a proper Slytherin he is now. And he won't listen to reason. I smacked him today, not all that hard just…..just he called Remus….."

"I know mate you don't have to justify it. If Regulus was my brother I'd smack him too….kidding just kidding," James added quickly at the dark look Sirius gave him.

"Don't joke about it. I'm terrible James….I shouldn't have done that…..but….but I can't stand…..He's just so….so….everything I'm supposed to be and I hate it. He's a sniveling little suck-up with his toad and his green and silver house colors and all he can do is complain that I'm making things worse. He should consider it's mum and our whole damn family that's the problem, not me!" Sirius hollered watching with satisfaction as his knight brutally smashed one of James' pawns.

"Are we still going tonight?"

Sirius shot James another dark look that said he wasn't getting the point. Only James still didn't get the point even though he knew there was one to get, he just wasn't getting it.

"I mean it's rough about your brother mate, it is, but if we miss tonight too Patricia is going to kill us."

It didn't matter if Remus' mother died and they just found out about it last night, their mentor was still pissed at them for ditching her. She seemed overly angry about it in his opinion because really she ought to be more flexible. But James didn't dare say that, because he hadn't remembered the pattern for flying into the forest….yet.

"Yeah, we're still going, I'm not going to let Regulus ruin that for me as well."

"What if he tells?"

"He won't, he's not that vindictive...yet….I hope not….. No, he won't, he knows what I'll do to him if he does and he's not that stupid."

James tried to keep up; sometimes Sirius told him Regulus was clever, almost too clever for his own good, and other times it sounded like Regulus had the intelligence of a troll. It almost made James want to meet him again, just long enough to shove a dungbomb in his face, but still.

"Great, then you ought to let Remus know and….," James groaned as Sirius' anger faded, a sort of dodgy look in his eyes now.

"Be quiet James."

"Come on! Sirius, you've got to talk to him!"

"Except I don't….not yet...so piss off," Sirius replied coolly, and before James could say anything in his defense his mate was getting up to go sit at a table by himself and sulk, the chess game Sirius was winning, thankfully forgotten.

James groaned again waving his wand to fix the broken pieces. He knew Sirius and Remus would be awkward the next day, he would have bet his broom back home on it. He just wasn't ready for how awkward, nor did he understand why!

"Hey, James can you help me with this…," Peter called coming over to the table from upstairs. James whirled and grabbed Peter's arm, making the shorter boy give a rather high pitch exclamation of surprise.

"Blimey, Peter we've got to do something. It's not like I haven't laid in Sirius' lap before."

"I haven't," Peter mumbled, as James did his best not to glare at Sirius who was still by himself and kept glancing at Remus as if expecting him to combust. James ignored Peter's comment rolling his eyes.

So maybe he hadn't ever slept in Sirius' lap, but it's not like Remus meant to, and they were mates to each other so he was fed up with them acting like, well sort of like Peter was acting towards Marlene.

Certainly NOT like how James was acting towards Lily, because he was determined not to make it a big deal, besides she clearly liked him just as much as he liked her. He found himself grinning, staring at Lily who was sitting on the couch with Remus. She must have felt his gaze because she looked up from leaning over the book she and Remus were sharing and rolled her eyes at him.

In response, James winked and she looked away whispering something to Remus who also looked up, only James couldn't meet his eyes. He wasn't going to think about that. James would content himself with driving Lily nuts which was a great deal more fun, and figuring out how to get Sirius and Remus to get over whatever it was that was going on, but he wouldn't think about that.

"What's wrong James? You're going to break the teacup," Peter interjected and James quickly loosened his grip now noticing Sirius looking at him. 'Come here' he motioned but the bloody git pretended he didn't see him and left the bloody common room instead.

"That's it," he growled rushing after his stupid mate, leaving Peter alone to deal with the slightly green teacup they were supposed to be able to turn into a frog.

"Sirius!" he shouted, catching up to his mate and grabbing his arm tightly. "What is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" his friend asked, failing to sound innocent.

"Did you and him snog or something," James demanded knowing that was ludicrous. Sirius' face went dark red.

"You a bloody lunatic? Of course not he's my mate," he replied defensively, as James knew he would. He wasn't as good at predicting responses as Remus was, but when he had a feeling what Sirius would say he was always right.

"Then ACT like it." he stressed, "he slept in your lap, so what?"

Sirius' face was still bright red and he gave James an unamused look that James shot right back.

"That's not it and you know it!" Sirius grumbled, glancing away from James.

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

"I don't care about that!" Sirius stressed and now James was completely lost. He shifted nervously wondering if Sirius somehow had guessed too….had come to the same scary terrible possibility he had.

"Then…..er what is it?"

Sirius gave him an odd look, maybe wondering why James was so nervous, or perhaps wondering if his friend had any sense, he couldn't tell which.

"Because, you dolt, he was crying so much and…..and I can't not ask!" Sirius blurted out looking pained.

James finally understood and wasn't quite sure if that was worse or not, it certainly made it more difficult to snap his friends out of it.

"Bollocks," he whispered, wondering, for half a second, if telling Sirius his suspicion would make it better. Then the two of them could confirm or reject the scary possibility together, which sounded better than James having to do it by himself.

But he knew that was ridiculous because even if Remus was… well that….James couldn't imagine not being friends with him. This was Remus after all, their Remus. He just had to be sure Sirius would see it the same way….not as some sort of betrayal or something. He looked back to Sirius who was looking at him weirdly again.

"What's up with you? Isn't that why you're being weird to Remus too?" Sirius asked confused and James stiffened.

"No, I'm..."

He hadn't realized he was being weird to Remus. Was he really being weird? Did it have something to do with Lily? Remembering Dorcas' words the other day on Lily's crush on Remus still made him feel upset. But, and James knew deep down it was the truth, he really had been acting weird because he was grappling with the possibility one of his best mates might, a very slim most likely nonexistent might, be a... werewolf!

Not that it would prevent him from being friends with Remus. It was just….weird. It would be like... if Sirius turned out to be a mermaid or Peter a vampire. He just wasn't ready to accept that, even if it made everything fit spookily well. He would...eventually face the possibility, just not yet.

He had decided to actually pay attention in D.A.D.A though as a result.

"You totally are, you can't even meet his eyes."

"Least I can stand next to him," James muttered, sore that he was being weird, but at least not as weird as Sirius.

"I can too!" Sirius burst out defensively. "If I do though I'll bombard him."

"Over what?"

"Why was he crying?"

Maybe because once a month he turns into a raving monster?

"Because his mum died Sirius, obviously."

Sirius grabbed his hand looking downright desperate.

"Do you really think that's all?"

No.

"I reckon. I mean I know you don't like your mum but I would cry like that if my mum died," he pointed out and was relieved when it wasn't a lie. He hated to lie, it was one of the few things his mother was exceptionally strict about. He also suspected he wasn't all that good at it, well sure he was decent at lying if it was getting out of pranks, but not to his mates. Sirius let out a breath James didn't realize he was holding and leaned against him as if suddenly devoid of all energy.

"Oh good. Then I guess I can go talk to him."

"Yes, please do so. I'd hate to watch you moon over him more," James snickered then went pale as he realized his poor choice of words, luckily Sirius didn't notice though.

"Shut it, Potter," Sirius shouted, having come to life again, and he tackled James down to the ground with a laugh. James returned the favor, shoving his armpit in Sirius' face, which was how Peter found them.

"Why did you leave me?"

"Oi, Peter go get Remus! We've got to head out like now to go to the forest with Patrica. Then afterward we should make a slight detour. I've had it with the Slytherins not getting what they deserve," Sirius declared, a dangerous gleam in his eye that James both appreciated and was worried about.

"But…..but…," Peter spluttered clearly not wanting to leave after he had just caught up to them.

"Just do it," Sirius barked, and Peter frowned but scurried off.

"You sure this is the best idea? You've actually been doing ok with Regulus, well overall. I mean I know he was a berk today but...well...you really want to jeopardize this now mate?"

Sirius just shrugged in response and James sighed hoping Remus would be able to talk him out of it because as much as he desperately wanted to get back at the Slytherins he didn't want to deal with Sirius regretting it later.

It took a considerably long time for Peter to convince Remus to come since even after James got the cloak and returned, catching Peter pleading with Remus, it took nearly another ten minutes.

In the meantime, Sirius and James discussed what exactly they would do and by the time Remus did show up, James had to go back to grab some fanged frisbees and dung bombs.

"Sirius, this is madness. Regulus needs you," he heard Remus plead as he walked over to join them again slinging the bulging bag for causing mischief over his shoulder.

James nodded slightly as Remus continued to try to talk Sirius out of it. It wasn't until he noticed Sirius suppressing a grin that James realized maybe his friend hadn't actually planned to prank the Slytherins after all? Bit of a pity though if that was the case, since he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out.

"It's not like anything I say makes a lick of difference."

"Sirius, please. You will regret it."

Sirius pretended to be considering this.

"Fine…..but I wanna go out just the four of us tomorrow night. We haven't gone exploring for new passages in awhile."

"But we're going to the forest tonight," Peter whined

"Yeah, so we'll go tomorrow night."

"We may be eaten by then," James replied seriously, snickering as Peter went white.

"That's true James. Well if we aren't dead then we'll go. Deal?" Sirius amended, and Peter whimpered slightly looking like he might piss himself.

"How about we decide tomorrow?" Remus offered wearily, clearly wanting to go back into the forest as little as Peter did. He and Sirius really had been slacking with their rule-breaking this year and it showed if Peter and Remus were both reverting to their original swot states.

"Noooo, we need to go. Let's make a pact! We need to find a new passageway, and we should map the castle afterward."

"But that didn't go well last time…," Remus pointed out, now sounding faintly amused and perhaps relieved.

It had only been one day since Remus had told them about his mom and James wondered if maybe they should be staying in with their friend again. But he really wanted to go to the forest. Besides, if his mum had died he'd want distractions. Remus had Lily to hold his hand all day and be all consoling, if they let him mope forever it wouldn't be good of them.

"Last time we were just boys this time we're The Marauders!" Sirius shouted excitedly.

James wondered if he should 'let slip' to Remus what Regulus' threat was since he didn't want to get into trouble. Detention was fine, but if he lost Quidditch there'd be hell to pay. Only, if he didn't go back into the forest soon he wasn't sure he ever would. But nothing bad would happen this time, and if he saw a ghost he'd run in the opposite direction.

"Yeah, we should try the map again! I'm more mature now and accept Peter's the only one of us with any artistic capability."

"Aww, thanks, James."

"Shut it Peter or I'll change my mind," he teased and his friend stuck out his tongue in reply, James jostling him good-naturedly.

"We should make it enchanted to show where everyone is all the time," Sirius added with a slightly sly smile.

James chanced a glance at Remus who was either pretending not to hear or actually hadn't, discussing with Peter the breakup of the castle for the map he actually seemed quite eager to create. He looked at Sirius and nodded his approval though really it made him worried. By the time they finished the map, which surely would only take to the end of the year with all four of them working together, Sirius and he would know the truth one way or another.

"We should make it so we can only open it as well."

"Oooo, good idea Peter!"

"And we could have people's names turn colors if they're going to do something bad then we could get the Slytherins in trouble."

"That might be a bit too complicated for some second years," Remus pointed out in a tone that suggested he thought most of what they were throwing out was too ambitious.

"Shoot for the stars! Oh shoot guys we gotta go now or Patrica will skin us alive,"

"Wait, Peter, run in and drop the backpack back upstairs."

"Why me?"

"Don't argue just go!"

"Ugh she really is going to skin us alive," he groaned as Peter disappeared quickly inside looking irritated.

"James, she can't skin us alive, we're her beloved mentees, but yeah we should book it."

"We have to wait for Peter," Remus pointed out calmly, halting them in their attempt to take off running. Luckily Peter really had gone as fast as he could because he came back down huffing and puffing in no time at all.

"I still think it's crazy she's having us leave now and she doesn't even know about the cloak," Peter complained as they kept walking through the hall, curfew in five minutes.

"Course she doesn't, Peter, she doesn't know about it because we've all agreed to keep it a secret," Sirius shot back impatiently.

"Well yeah but she could have let us leave earlier," Peter amended, "We won't be out of the castle in five minutes, and then what?"

James figured it was a test of sorts because Patricia really was very angry at them. They hadn't shown up last night, and she hadn't cared or listened when they tried to explain. James glanced back at Remus who was very quiet as they continued to walk, while Peter and Sirius continued to whisper about map ideas.

Remus caught his eye, for a second looking sad, and not at all up to an adventure, and James quickly looked away trying not to feel too guilty. How had they not noticed his eyes before?

Or was James only now thinking they seemed rather….wolf-like...since he was hyper-aware at the moment?

Would Remus' eyes glow again? Had that not actually been a potion thing? No wonder he seemed freaked out.

Did werewolves' eyes glow?

But most likely his eyes wouldn't glow because mates just didn't suddenly turn out to be werewolves after all. James was merely just sleep-deprived and in need of excitement. They really should be sleeping tonight considering how little of non-restless sleep they had gotten last night. But excitement seemed more important at the moment, and more doable.

"Shhhh," Remus hushed them, and they all fell silent not daring to question his judgment. Sure enough, a few minutes later the click-clack of shoes approaching became apparent and they ducked behind a statue crouching low all tangled together. James caught himself sniffing his friends' hair wondering if Remus would somehow smell like a wolf, and blushed, glad his friends were peeking past the statue at Professor Sprout and not looking at his face.

Did he really expect Remus to smell like a wolf? He was being ridiculous. But his friend did have good hearing and... Bloody hell, he really was going mental. Some people just had good hearing, it didn't make them a bloody werewolf!

"Coast is clear," Remus announced with the confidence of one who had quickly become their official lookout, even when they had the safety of the cloak. After all, as brilliant as his cloak was it didn't prevent someone from running into them, which they had found out the hard way when attempting to prank a crowd of Slytherins last year.

They proceeded again, having a few more close calls but nothing that they didn't have ample warning for, with Remus', not strange, only good hearing. So in no time at all, they were rushing to the edge of the forest where Patricia should be waiting.

AN:

Sorry guys I forgot to post here last week so you're a bit behind Wattpad. I'll try to catch you up halfway through the week if I remember.


	41. Chapter Forty-One: Gideon Prewett

Chapter Forty-One: Gideon Prewett

"Took you snots long enough," she grumbled, passing the stolen brooms to James and Sirius who took them with excited smiles.

"Are we ready?" Sirius asked eagerly, as Peter got behind James and Remus got behind Patricia.

"You better be careful Sirius, and James, no showing off this time. I have no idea how good a flier Sirius is so we have to be careful."

"Hey! I'm plenty good!"

"Well prove it then, anyone who trips the alarm won't be allowed back. Oh yeah, sorry about your mother Remus," she added offhandedly.

"Thank you."

James winced at how sad his friend sounded and bit back a "are you sure you're up to coming," distractions were good after all.

Sirius was a good flier so they didn't have any problems and luckily weren't able to find out if Patricia's threat was real or not. Of course, James had a harder time of it this time around as Peter seemed determined to murder him from squeezing him so hard.

"And you ruddy wanted to be on the Quidditch team?" James wheezed in frustration once they landed.

"Sorry…... I just…."

"Don't worry Peter, I'll make sure you children don't get too badly hurt."

They all turned to stare slack-jawed at who made up the sixth person in their party. No way! James glanced at Patricia worried they'd all get in trouble, but she was grinning not at all surprised.

"In case you losers haven't met him yet, this is Gideon Prewett. Gideon Prewett, losers."

"But….but you're head boy! Please don't suspend us," squeaked Peter whose eyes seemed in danger of bulging out of his head.

"Is this some sort of payback Patricia?" Sirius mumbled with a scowl and a look of deep displeasure.

"You're gathering something for the first task?" Remus seemed to have decided that must be the only logical conclusion quite quickly.

James supposed that was a fair assessment as Patricia wasn't alarmed to see him and the two of them were friends. Gideon glanced at Remus with a grin James wished was directed at him.

"You're a sharp one. Yeah, I need some supplies that Hogwarts doesn't have stocked for a Stratiollum Potion."

"You mean you know what the first task is!" James blurted out excitedly. He beamed as Gideon nodded though it didn't look like he was going to tell them what it was.

"A potion to make you glow," Remus whispered to himself and James was glad he was close enough to hear his book worm friend.

"Glow, why would you need to glow?"

Gideon exchanged a glance with Patricia who grinned.

"They're nosy but we need more than just you and me to find unicorn hair."

"We're just going to see a unicorn, oh thank goodness," Peter gasped no doubt relieved it wasn't something more dangerous. James also felt relieved but quickly banished the feeling, the more dangerous the better was his motto, and he planned to live by it.

Patricia ignored Peter as if he hadn't said anything still looking at Gideon.

"Where's Fabian?"

Their head boy and champion grimaced and looked uncomfortable and all together un-hero like. James realized that Gideon really was just a seventh-year student and not an immortal to be in awe over, but only for a moment.

"Couldn't make it," Gideon replied gruffly and James wondered what on earth would keep Gideon's twin so busy that he'd miss this.

"Alright well let's split up. Who wants to go with Gideon?" Patricia asked and James unashamedly stuck his hand in the air just a second quicker than Sirius. He knew Patricia saw his hand but she looked right past him and he felt his cheeks heat in frustration.

He knew he was going to be the idol of Hogwarts one day so maybe he shouldn't be quite so amazed by Gideon, but he was and really wanted to spend time with him. Perhaps he could give James pointers for when he was as popular.

"Remus you annoy me the least so you can go with him and….yes, yes alright James don't start whining, you can go as well. Sirius and Petey, you're with me then, if you complain Sirius I swear."

"But I was with you last time!" Sirius complained ignoring Patricia's annoyed look.

"Patricia I don't mind going with you," Remus offered like the good mate he was. To be fair James would have offered himself if he didn't want to talk to Gideon the most out of all of them.

"Absolutely not, if Gideon had to put up with both Black and Potter he might no longer be my friend."

"Well I don't know about that Patricia but I think I may "accidentally" lose one of them," he teased and James was a little shocked and amazed at how very un-head boy like Gideon was.

"By all means do so. Sorry Sirius, you're with me."

James tried not to be too boastful to Sirius who was looking scandalized but he couldn't keep the grin off his face, and by the finger that Sirius flashed at him before he left he hadn't been able to hide it from his friend.

...

"So you and Fabian really were pranksters when you were younger?" James asked excitedly.

"Pretty sure Fabian still is, and I may or may not still do my fair share of subtle pranks," Gideon replied good-naturedly, finding it amusing at how the dark-haired boy looked ready to hang off his arm in adoration if he let him. Gideon had fans in the past, though he and Fabian usually had to just contend with girls. Only since becoming champion of Hogwarts, which Fabian was still extremely jealous about, had he had to avoid both little boys looking at him as if he was the coolest thing ever and girls.

"Must be incredible being the champion!" James gushed nearly tripping in his effort to keep up with him. Gideon grinned and ruffled the boy's hair able to see why Patricia was fond of them in her own weird way, even if she denied it vehemently.

"Maybe next time the tournament happens you'll be the champion," he replied to James supportively as he had to every other 12-15 year old who pestered him for secrets or an autograph. He glanced back at the other boy whose wand light was directed to shine in his face rather than his surroundings. It was a little odd but Gideon presumed the kid was just scared.

"You alright Lupin? I can slow down if we're going too fast?"

"Yeah, you ok Remus?" James asked a great deal of concern in his voice that had moments earlier been filled with high pitched boyish excitement.

The quiet one seemed to pull himself away from wherever he had been and shook his head. Gideon really wished Patricia hadn't involved a bunch of second years in this, sure he and Fabian had gone in the forest when they were these kids' age but there hadn't been Death Eaters and war back then. Plus, he and Fabian had ended up in dangerous situations multiple times and Patricia had to physically beg before they took her with them. Lupin and the one baby faced boy, Peter, didn't seem like they had begged, if anything they looked like they had been dragged.

"I'm alright. I think I found some unicorn hair," he replied quietly and Gideon wondered if this shy boy really was as sharp as Patricia had warned him about. True, Lupin had known almost right away why Gideon was there but maybe James or Sirius had whispered what they suspected and Remus had just overheard and repeated. However, he knew it was more likely Black and Potter would have shouted it out if they had been the ones to figure out the purpose of tonight's trip first.

Still, the fact the kid thought he found unicorn hair already when the light from Lupin's wand must be making it impossible to see much of anything gave him his doubts about the boy's intelligence. Gideon, not expecting Lupin to be right, followed where the boy was pointing wondering if maybe he was so scared he'd point to any hair in an attempt to go home earlier.

"Well damn," he murmured, taking a few steps and bending down to pick up a single strand of silvery unicorn hair that had fallen onto the trunk of one of the crazy large trees in the forest. "How did you even see this?"

"Luck," Lupin muttered, looking embarrassed, with his wand held even closer to his face as Gideon tucked the strand safely in his pocket and turned to look at him.

Odd kid.

"Can we keep going? You need more than one right? I bet we could even see a unicorn if we kept going," James chattered nervously, the lad's incessant stream of questions was honestly getting tiring, especially after the restless nights he'd been dealing with that came anytime he and his brother argued. Unfortunately, James was right in guessing Gideon needed more than one strand.

"Yes I need more," he replied trying to keep the slight annoyance he was beginning to feel over the boy's hovering out of his voice. James beamed as if he had just won the lottery and would have bounded ahead with a childish stupid abandon that Gideon could only fondly remember having if he hadn't grabbed the back on his shirt collar.

"Slow down there," he chided gently, realizing James reminded him a great deal of Fabian when they had been that age, at least with how loud and excited he seemed to be all the time, also the confidence didn't hurt in the comparison either. Gideon smiled for real this time, lately, life had been filled with secret meetings he and Fabian had argued themselves hoarse to be a part of and the stress of the competition that seemed a joke compared to the stress of being actively involved in a war.

If Molly ever found out what they had convinced their dad to let them be a part of she'd march herself to Hogwarts and string them by their toes. Ever since their mom died she seemed to think she was their mother, which didn't help now that she was an actual mom.

"How are you going to beat the first task? What do you think of the other competitions? Do you have Fabian spying for you or something?"

"Shhh," Remus hushed suddenly and Gideon turned around looking at the boy who had been slowly falling behind again now standing stiff. Gideon was going to blow it off as children being afraid of their own shadows but James inhaled sharply and seemed to instinctively take whatever had spooked the smaller boy seriously.

"What is it, Remus?" James asked with a hushed fear that left Gideon judging Patricia all over again for bringing little children into the woods. Suddenly Gideon's own senses took over and he flicked his wand silently letting the light from the tip of it fade. He looked to James and Remus to do the same and heard their whispered 'nox'.

In pitch darkness Gideon listened tensely, there was something big out there and anything bigger than your foot in this forest was cause for extreme caution. Unless it was a unicorn strolling over to them to offer its hair, but that was highly unlikely since unicorns were one of the more rare creatures to even glimpse.

"What is it, Remus?" James asked in a whisper expecting his friend to know for some reason.

"Shh!" he quieted the kids, holding his wand in front of him.

A death eater? At least Patricia said she had glimpsed one in the woods last week and she brought kids here.

And he had let her...

"Get behind me," he demanded and was grateful the two had enough sense not to question him as the crashing became significantly louder. Gideon went through the options in his head but unless one of the centaurs had come looking for him, or even more unlikely an acromantula of that size far out of their territory, he couldn't imagine what it was.

But then the crashing stopped, abruptly and Gideon could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He flicked his wand and purple fire erupted from his wand encircling them in a barrier only someone with the right potion could pass through unharmed. Whatever or whoever it was knew exactly where they were so the time to be hidden was over.

"Be ready for a spell to come at us, wands held out."

He glanced behind him still standing protectively in front of Remus and James meeting their worried eyes with confidence.

"It's ok lads nothing can get through that," he assured them, Remus' eyes seeming almost to glow in the strange purple light as the boy's eyes met his.

Gideon turned back, a bad feeling in his gut as the silence stretched. Nothing in this forest would purposely hunt them down, they weren't even in the most dangerous part of the forest. But something was hunting them, he could feel it in his bones. As of yet he had no real experience fighting death eaters, made to stay behind while "proper adults" fought, but he imagined it would feel a little like this when he did face it.

Only when he was allowed to actively fight in the war and go up against death eaters he wouldn't have children he'd die to protect with him.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Not expecting a scream to come from behind him due to the barrier he whipped around only for a spider as large as a desk to fall on him, it's pincers reaching out in almost frantic desperation to tear into his face. With a shout, he shoved the creature off of him sending its furry body into the flames, a sickening sound of death emanated from it and its spindly legs twitched, the purple flames slightly darker as they consumed its caved in corpse.

He was already on his feet again, the damn thing had come from the trees, and he shouted out a spell sending another one into the flames cursing himself for not making the barrier smaller.

"Stupify!" Remus shouted, his eyes definitely seemed to be glowing, his voice shook slightly but he seemed to have his wits about him enough that his spell contacted the furry body on top of James which went stiff and fell.

"Uggggh fucking spiders! Why the hell are they so big?"

Gideon glanced up into the pitch-black above them, imaging he could see thousands of red eyes peer back.

"We need to move. Something is agitating them and I don't know what but we won't like the result."

"But the unicorn hair," James whimpered clearly in slight shock. He was holding his arm to his chest, a long bloody gash across it.

Dammit.

"Bombarda!" he shouted loudly, his wand pointed above his head. Then he got rid of the flames, one arm on James' shoulder forcing him forward, forced to trust Remus would keep up as with his other hand he needed to hold his wand. He might be decent at wandless magic during non-stressful situations but he'd be a fool for attempting wandless magic now. Especially when the Acromantula seemed so pissed. Their eerie and creepy clicking was coming down from the treetops, clicking which continued even though it was clear the three wizards were retreating.

"Dammit, where are you when I need you, Fabian," he muttered, feeling like an important, no vital half of him was missing. He chanced a glance back at Remus who was keeping up his wand in his face again.

"Drop Lumos now you might need something else," he snapped at the boy not having time to deal with the stupidity of children. He turned back around hoping Remus wasn't in as much shock as James who was muttering about how the forest hated him so much.

Then they were surrounded and Gideon knew that if the Acromantula really wanted to they could eventually easily overtake them. With how many there were if they all turned on the occasional invaders of the forest, which they seemed to be doing now, they could eliminate any threat. If Hagrid was here it would be different, but he wasn't.

"Duck!" he shouted as the disturbing image of an ugly spider the size of a car launched itself at Remus who did indeed duck sending off another calmer sounding shout of "stupify."

"James pull yourself together!" he shouted, giving the boy beside him a shake. He knew he should be nicer, if he had been faced with this when he was his age he'd probably have reacted in the same way. But they needed as many spells as possible.

"Stupify!" James shouted, voice wobbling, copying the spell Remus shouted which he supposed would work. He took a second to point his wand into the air and shoot red sparks knowing if Patricia didn't come with some back up soon there would be at least one casualty.

"We don't want your kind here!"

"Then let us leave!" James screeched in terror.

Gideon wondered if this was because he had killed one, but they had been attacking them before, and he distinctly remembered a close call two years ago in which they wandered too close to acromantula territory, killed several, and escaped unharmed. Back then he was sure the nasty creatures would never act as vicious as this.

"You bring danger. We will kill."

"Ahh," this time it was Remus shouting, the lad doing a remarkable job with his spells but knocked down from behind by a furry spider large as a bowling ball, and perhaps as heavy.

"Stupify!" James shouted before he could, and Gideon felt a swell of pride for these brave little Gryffindors. He hoped the wizarding war didn't last much longer, but if it did he wanted these Gryffindors, older and more experienced by then, to be by his side.

"Remus! Remus!" James shouted the concern for his friend winning over fear and Gideon resumed his efforts since now it was just his shooting spells. Cursing he sent shards of ice flying at the acromantula figuring he needed to practice water-based spells anyways. Changing his spell so it was liquid water he spun using it like a whip, slamming it against an eight-legged beast, once more, as large as a car.

"LET US LEAVE!" he shouted with a great deal more conviction and anger than James had.

"Brought an enemy. We bring death."

Gideon glanced behind him, James helping Remus to his feet. Gideon couldn't properly assess injuries at the moment but he was pretty sure he could smell the coppery tang of blood in the air, though he really hoped it was from the spiders.

"Stupify!"

"St...stupify!" Two boys' voices called and Gideon waved the whip again realizing it was quite effective, Acromantulas didn't like water after all.

"You dare bring our enemy here. You dare."

"It wasn't us, we swear it wasn't us!" James sobbed sounding as tired as Gideon felt. They must have been shooting spells for over half an hour, surely Patricia would be here any minute.

Remembering her comment about the red spell the last time she brought the boys he spared a few seconds to shoot up another and paid dearly for it, three spiders upon him in an instant, one crawling up his leg.

"Stupify!" Remus shouted followed quickly by "Diffindo," and the pressure on Gideon was gone, though the pain remained, long scratches from hungry pinchers left on his legs and arm.

"Diffindo! Diffindo! Diffindo!" Remus shouted, sounding frustrated, better that than afraid.

Figuring the second year was talented enough to cause damage with the spell as he kept using it Gideon went back to the water whip which wasn't as damaging but took care of more of them. They continued to run. Well, running had become walking as Gideon was forced to limp.

"Patricia damn you!" he screamed in frustration, and not having feared death this much since his second year, when he'd been trapped in a passageway for three days, he felt his resolve beginning to crack as he was barreled over again. He also didn't hear children shouting spells which was a very bad sign.

He could feel spittle on his face as his arm blocked an acromantula in a poor attempt to prevent it from ripping off his face, and somehow he managed to knock it back. Only this time there wasn't convenient fire to burn it to a crisp, and unfortunately, Gideon's wand had been knocked from his hand.

This is it.

A sob rose up in him, realizing he was going to die without having properly made up with his brother, and without preventing Patricia from stopping her stupid dangerous mission. Then a howl echoed through the forest and Gideon's fear increased tenfold.

Was it a full moon?

He'd never heard a howl in the forest before. Surely there weren't actually werewolves in here.

He felt sick as one howl increased to three then to six! Only he wasn't the only one afraid. Clicking filled his ears only there was a slight difference to the pitch of it this time, and it sounded somehow...frantic. It took Gideon a few seconds to realize he wasn't being attacked anymore.

The werewolves or wolves or whatever had helped? Or had they just scared off the competition?

Either way, it didn't really matter, they had to get out of here. Snatching up his wand which luckily hadn't gone far, he pushed himself onto his knees, his vision spinning before it cleared once more.

"Remus, James!" he called, fear not just for himself rising in him now.

What happened to being ready to die for them?

He should have sent them bolting and distracted those spiders somehow, unfortunately, such a sacrifice hadn't occurred to him in the heat of the moment. If anything had happened to them he'd never forgive himself.

And you think you can fight You Know Who, you're just a child yourself. Somehow his inner thoughts had ended up sounding like Molly.

"L….lumos," he choked out wiping a single tear and forcing himself to his feet feeling very sore as if he'd just been trampled by a herd of centaurs. Which, he realized, would have been preferable.

"James, Remus!" he called waving his wand trying to ignore the blood. It was from the spiders, the kid's spell had been powerful enough to slice large gashes into the bodies of the dead or dying creatures. Winding his way around a few stunned, nearly house-sized spiders, that thankfully were too heavy to fling themselves at them the way the smaller ones had, Gideon, struggled back the way he had come.

What if they had dragged the boys off? You're a failure as a head boy, a failure as a champion. That time it had been distinctly Fabian's, always slightly mocking tone, filling his aching head.

"G….Gideon…..," came a pained whisper, that Gideon couldn't distinguish who it was from, but which filled him with relief. He took a few more steps, each step sending a jolt of pain through his bleeding torn up ankle. Suddenly he saw Remus holding up James leaning heavily against a tree, panting. Both boys were bloodied and no doubt as sore as Gideon but they were alive, blessedly alive.

"B….l….limey…," James whispered, his eyes glazed, his whole body shaking. His arm was wrapped around Remus whose arm was around his waist somehow supporting a great deal of James' weight in their current states.

"You boys did amazing. Both of you could be Aurors I reckon," he forced his tone to sound less strained than he otherwise would have sounded. Somehow the wolves howling scared away those spiders but they could come back or the wolves could attack them next.

What was wrong with the forest tonight?

"You...reckon?" James asked in a weak voice. Remus' eyes were squeezed tight probably since the poor thing was petrified after an altercation like that.

I nearly am as well.

"Definitely," he said causing James' lips to twitch slightly. "We need to keep moving though," he added wishing he didn't have to, hating the way James paled, his frown deepening as he came to the realization Gideon had come to from the instant the attack stopped. Remus just seemed frozen solid, no emotion at all on his face.

"I can't walk though... my ankle hurts too much. They...they were going for our legs….trying to keep us from escaping," James stammered, his voice high pitched again, and Gideon pretended not to notice the tears streaming from his cheeks.

"Just keep leaning on me," Remus spoke his voice...calm?

He's just in shock, he thought to himself because there was no way a second year was calm after that. Still, he had meant it when they said they could be Aurors one day, both of them, that was for sure.

"But you've been hurt too Remus," James protested in the whiny tone of someone who wanted to be reassured, wanted someone to lean on.

"Not as bad as you and Gideon," the boy assured his friend and Gideon was forced to consider that Remus actually was calm. But why were his eyes closed then?

"Do you both have your wands still?" Gideon asked, wishing he could offer to help James but knowing he couldn't walk and carry the lad. Thankfully, one of them had avoided a debilitating injury though Remus still looked mighty banged up.

"Y..yeah….I think. Yeah."

"Yes. Lumos," Remus called holding the wand close to his face again, finally opening his eyes, glancing at James with concern and an iron determination. "We need to go before they come back...or the wolves attack us," the boy added, the last bit finally sounding a bit shaken. Of course, he'd be if there was a possibility of furry beasts with teeth rather than pincers pouncing on them.

"Wolves? N….not werewolves?" James stammered sounding close to tears.

"Can't be. Not a full moon."

Gideon had no idea how Remus knew that but he sounded certain. It was possible he was just trying to comfort his friend, but either way, it didn't change the fact they needed to move.

"Alright. Remus if you can't hold up James let me know and I will," Gideon assured the boy hoping it didn't come to that. Fabian was probably losing his mind by now, the two could always tell when the other was hurt. Spooky twin powers, Molly had called it in her fond yet still slightly creeped out way she had about her everytime she mentioned it.

"Alright," Remus agreed, and then they were heading out. Gideon could hear faint whispering from the boys behind them but they kept up. I'm going to kill Patricia when I see her. But a thought that hadn't occurred before to him nearly sent him to his knees.

What if her group had also been attacked?

Sirius looked like he might have been able to fight back but the other one? Pettigrew? He doubted it. Stomach clenching with worry he pressed forward berating himself with his too-harsh-on-himself nature that Fabian hated in him. But it drove him!

Everyone had faults and Gideon had always been, perhaps unusually, aware of his, which was why when Fabian could be up for pranks constantly Gideon had to space them out. It was also why he had been a prefect and then head boy while Fabian hadn't been.

"G….Gideon?"

"Yeah James?" he asked, wishing desperately that the boy would go back to his incessant excited chatter. James' tone instead was hushed and frightened, as if worried speaking to loud would draw the acromantula back to them.

"T….the others?"

"Are fine. There's not that many Arcumantula in here," he lied, since if he voiced his fears he wasn't sure the children behind him could continue. "I reckon nearly all of them but Eragon were upon us."

"Oh. ...good..."

"Yeah. So you just focus on walking alright? We'll be back soon," Gideon reassured the boy firmly because it had to be true. Too many people were dying in the world for it to make any sense for students to die in the forest, especially the part still within Hogwarts protection.

"GIDEON!"

He nearly fell with relief which turned to annoyance as Patricia appeared, her loud shout of horror splitting his head.

"OH MY GOSH JAMES! REMUS! BLOODY HELL!" Sirius shouted, rushing forward faster than Patricia, and reaching James and Remus before she reached him.

"What happened?" Patricia demanded looking him over with narrowed eyes.

"Acromantula. But I'll explain later, we need to get back right away. Something's wrong with the forest tonight Patricia."

She nodded not understanding but also a smart enough kid not to question him.

"Is James alive?" Peter wailed standing back a bit, looking like he might pass out.

"Yes I'm alive Peter," James let out a tense laugh.

"Give him to me Remus. Come on I got him," came Sirius' demanding voice, and Gideon was glad they all had help now. He leaned on Patricia heavily as they kept going.

"What took you so long?" Gideon asked angrily as they walked.

"We were tracking a unicorn. We were so close when we saw the red sparks and I figured it was like last time. We got the hair and headed back as fast as we could when we saw the second," Patricia explained defensively. Gideon realized he should have accounted for that and sent the second round off sooner.

"But I got your ingredients, so you're welcome," Patricia scoffed and Gideon sighed knowing he'd have to die before Patricia Rakepike would ever, ever, apologize. At least until she would sincerely apologize anyways. If he pressed the issue with anger she'd give him a sharp 'sorry' with enough attitude that it made it seem like the recipient of the apology was the one who had done something wrong but that would be the extent of it.

Still, she was alive and that was good enough for him.


	42. Chapter Forty-Two: Expulsion!?

Chapter Forty-Two: Expulsion!?

It wasn't until they got back to the clearing at the very edge of the forest that Sirius realized something was wrong. In his defense, he had all but been carrying James who was relating to him what had happened, with dark swearing every now and then that he'd never enter this cursed forest again.

"I mean it, Sirius, don't convince me otherwise. This place hates me or something. Gideon said something was wrong with the place and at first it seemed like he expected people to attack us, probably would have been preferable. Scariest thing I've ever been through….worse than last time. If I come back again I think I might actually die," James rambled, his breath hot on Sirius' neck.

Peter glanced back at them in horror, hardly able to hear them since he was walking so close to the older students that if they stopped he'd run right into them.

"Well, at least it was some action," Sirius complained because again, he'd had a cool time with Patricia, but nothing dangerous had happened and where was the adventure in that?

"If you say that again Black I swear I'll hex you!"

Sirius rolled his eyes figuring James was being dramatic about the whole thing. He highly doubted his friend had a high pain tolerance, and yeah he was a bit banged up from what Sirius could see in the dark, but he had gotten to blast Acromantulas back to back with the Gideon Prewett!

If that wasn't worth a little blood Sirius wasn't sure what was. They could finally see the night sky as the trees became more spaced out, and feeling relieved since James was a heavy bugger he glanced back at Remus.

Only he wasn't there.

"Where's Remus?" he asked and James made a choking sound nearly face planting as he let go of Sirius and turned to look for him.

"Remus!" he shouted horrified, and Sirius' insides squirmed at the amount of fear in his friend's voice. Maybe he had been lucky to be with Patricia again after all.

"Where is he?" Came Gideon's alarmed voice.

"H….here….," Remus gasped, stumbling forward a bit more, and Sirius swallowed, his friend's clothes were torn slightly a great deal of blood on his legs and arms.

"You said you weren't as hurt!" James gasped half in outrage, half in horror.

"We had to move, and you couldn't walk," Remus replied, his voice still weak

"Neither can you!" James shouted, gesturing to their identical pairs of bloody legs. But Remus had walked the whole way back, of course, he had.

Reminders of Remus' pain tolerance always made Sirius feel a little shaky. Suddenly Patricia walked up to Remus grabbing his arm and Sirius let out a growl of anger since the older girl should know better than not to do that by now. Remus jerked back eyes widening in fear, but she ignored him pointing her wand at him and muttering spells under her breath Sirius couldn't hear. Then Remus collapsed into her arms.

"What did you do to him?" he demanded angrily, remembering all of Remus' off-handed comments that Patricia was hiding something and that he didn't trust her.

"Calm down. I repaired his robes and healed a few of the deeper gashes. James, you're next. I would have done it earlier but Gideon made it apparent we might not have had time," she explained sounding like she doubted his judgment.

"We might not have," Gideon snapped, "I'm telling you Patricia it was like nothing I'd ever seen before."

"They kept saying they'd kill us because we brought their enemy into the forest or something," James explained shivering, his eyes staring at Remus with an oddly haunted expression. Sirius elbowed him.

"Relax he'll live," he assured his friend, mostly to keep himself from freaking out more. He also wasn't sure what it was, but there seemed something rather...weary in James' stare. Then again, he supposed James was more than a little ticked at Remus lying about his injuries. Sirius would have been too but he was just too relieved Patricia had healed him to really be that mad. Patricia finished healing James who collapsed against Sirius. He caught his friend, ready for it.

"Nifty spell Patricia," Gideon remarked, sounding less tense than he had back when he had been urging them to move faster.

"Anyone who doesn't have at least one basic healing spell in their arsenal is a moron," she answered gruffly doing the same spell on Gideon who didn't pass out from it but looked close to it. Sirius had to fully carry James the rest of the way, which he assumed was also another reason Patricia had waited until now.

Peter half-carried Remus who had already stirred, commenting that Patricia was right about the healing spell and making entirely no sense as he mumbled under his breath what little good it would do him though. Remus was still out of it when they reached the clearing and James was still completely passed out so they all sat down.

Gideon's head fell against Patricia's shoulder who used her wand to set up a ring of fire around them and Remus kept glancing at either James or him with an odd expression in his eyes. Sirius felt a little weird about it but Remus' eyes seemed almost to be glowing in the firelight and they were almost hypnotic so that when Remus looked at him he had to quickly look away, his cheeks growing warm.

He preoccupied himself with thinking about how cool, and yeah probably scary, fighting back to back with Gideon. Imagining if it had been him and not James there he would have cast his spells so well that neither he nor Remus would have gotten hurt.

"James…..come on James it's been half an hour and I'm bored," Sirius groaned, giving James another shake. They had been sitting there for half an hour, well more like fifteen minutes but it felt like forever since no one was speaking, like not even a word, and they needed to do something before he found himself staring at Remus' eyes again.

"Mmm…."

"Yeah, that's right mate come on. Wakey wakey."

"What?"

"Patricia healed you...or at least some of you. You don't look like you've been through a shredder anymore anyways though we'll probably need to take you and Remus to the hospital ward still."

"No," Patricia spoke up, her gaze sharp. "We would get in a lot of trouble. I have some cream to give you and it will take care of the rest that can be taken care of."

"Why do you have that?" Remus asked quietly, his rather dead stare finally shifting away from Sirius' direction. Patricia gave him a humorless look.

"When you go to the forest as much as I do you come prepared."

"And knowing how dangerous it is you still brought us. We could have died," Remus continued, a sort of quiet something in his voice that Sirius failed to place.

"Yeah, well you didn't."

"We almost did!"

Oh..., it was anger in his voice. Sirius wondered what Remus' face looked like, his back to him as he faced Patricia. But by the way Patricia, of all people, flinched, he figured it was as fierce as he imagined. He supposed he couldn't really blame Remus for being angry, but even if James and Remus didn't want to return to the forest he still did, though he decided he wouldn't make either of them again….well not for the rest of the year at least.

"Well, you didn't. Now come on, let's get you brats back to the castle," she muttered giving Gideon a shake, who unlike James who'd taken actual minutes to wake, snapped awake with a start.

"OK, so I'll fly you back and forth in turns since none of you are up for flying. Peter, you first since these three need to rest a bit longer."

"I am," Sirius protested, resulting in her annoyed gaze, which he found unnecessary because it was her fault they were here in the first place after all.

"Enough to hold one of them up and copy the pattern?"

"Yeah."

"You better be, since if you do it wrong we'll be in trouble. Or of course, one of your friends will fall to their deaths."

Sirius paled suddenly hesitant since, even though he should be stronger, he was dizzy and tired from carrying James such a long way.

"Maybe….maybe it should just be you," he backed down, and she nodded with a bitter look that seemed to say 'duh'. "But I can still fly out while you fly with Peter first since he'll cling to you so tight there's no way he'd fall. It's fewer people for you to take then if I at least fly myself," he pointed out knowing she was tired and she nodded, luckily letting him do that much.

Flying back was no harder than flying in, but when they landed Sirius wished they hadn't.

"MS. RAKEPIKE!" Professor McGonagall thundered, standing past the forest some ways with Professor Sprout and Hagrid who went from looking downcast to relieved. Their head of house did not look relieved though, she just looked irate. Gulping as those eyes flickered to him, he was glad a majority of her anger was aimed at Patricia. They were forced to land the broom at their head of house's feet, one of them tapping in irritation, her hands against her hips in a position primed for lecturing.

"Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Black, there will be detention for you both for three weeks!" she began angrily. "Once Mr. Lupin and Mr. Potter get here the same will go for them."

Sirius nodded not daring to argue with her right now, since she was seriously intimidating. He glanced at Patricia worriedly, he hadn't set off the alarm somehow had he?

"MS. RAKEPIKE of all the irresponsible reckless things you have done! To endanger mere second years shows a whole other level of stupidity that you should be extremely ashamed to possess."

Patricia didn't look all that ashamed though, she seemed rather defiant, which was no small feat facing McGonagall's current state.

"Maybe if the professors actually listened to me about…."

"That's quite enough out of you! Go get Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin and come back. You are very lucky the children didn't get injured, otherwise you very well may have been expelled," Professor McGonagall continued, sounding harsher than Sirius had ever heard her before, it also sounded like she didn't at all like Patricia, who now seemed remorseful.

Though Sirius was sure, as a fellow trouble maker, she was faking it. Then again, a threat of expulsion was a good reason to be sincerely remorseful. Sirius was glad he and Peter had gone first and just hoped his other friends could appear well enough. He didn't want Patricia to get in that much trouble. He also was really glad that Professor McGonagall didn't realize Gideon was with them. He was sure the champion of Hogwarts would hide out till morning since if their head of house was this cross, coming back would be risking not being champion anymore. If she could even do that?

It wasn't until Patricia came back with Remus first, which was a wise choice since he did a good job at appearing fine, that Sirius began to actually wonder how their professor knew. Professor Sprout had disappeared with Hagrid, the two of them having been apparently searching for them in the forest, both equally relieved they were alright after hearing howls of all things and Sprout noticing the forest seemed...restless.

"Mr. Lupin, you will be joining Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Black in detention for three weeks."

"Yes ma'am," Remus whispered and Sirius felt a pang of guilt since he knew Remus hadn't wanted to really come. He'd made it clear the only reason he went was to keep the other three Marauders out of trouble as if he even could. Still, not only had Remus gotten the most detention he had ever had before since Professor Blavatnik hadn't really followed through with his, but he had also gotten hurt.

But how had she known?

Because Professor McGonagall had known all four of them were out, she might have gone and checked their dorm first but he didn't think so if she thought they were somewhere as dangerous as the Forbidden Forest. Then as Patricia came flying back with James it hit him.

"Regulus...that little bugger!"

"Mr. Black, I will not confirm or deny your brother said anything but I assure you that the student who talked to me was doing it out of concern."

He's still a traitorous suck up. A filthy little tattletale and when I get my hands on him….

"Mr. Potter, you will be joining me for three weeks of detention with your other three roommates. Is that clear…..are you alright?" she asked, her voice softening more than it had since the moment Sirius had landed in front of her feet.

"Just tired professor," James muttered, sounding as disheartened as Sirius felt.

"As you should be considering you are out way past your bedtime. The four of you will return to your dorms immediately. Ms. Rakepike you will follow me and we will discuss your punishment with the Headmaster."

Sirius grimaced as he quickly flanked James, blocking him from their professor's scrutinizing, before she realized he seemed just a bit too pale for 'just tired'.

"P...professor….Quidditch?" James gasped out as they began to head back and Sirius would have whacked his head if he didn't think it would cause him to collapse. Professor McGonagall gave them both a sharp look.

"As long as you attend all the detentions with me I see no reason to punish you further," she replied and quickly disappeared with Patricia.

"Oh thank goodness," James replied weakly leaning against Sirius dramatically as he mocked swooning, "I almost lost my one true love."

"Lily," Peter replied cheekily and James stuck out his tongue too tired to properly point it at the boy.

"Quidditch," he sighed and Sirius mumbled something about threatening to drop him if he didn't shut up. Somehow they made it back to their dorm in good spirits, at least everyone but Remus who seemed more withdrawn than Sirius had seen him in a while.

By the time they entered their dorms, it wasn't surprising that James had turned the conversation to questioning if they thought Lily would be impressed by him facing a hoard of acromantula.

"She'd hex you I think mate," Sirius pointed out, Peter coming back with another jar of healing salve Marlene had fetched for him from Patricia's dorm. "Besides I'm sure she will know soon enough if not already. Peter, you told Marlene didn't you."

"I had to!" Peter whined in his defense, his beady eyes darting between his friends nervously.

"We could have just wrapped up the gashes. If it gets back to McGonagall we were hurt, Patricia could be expelled!" he snapped at Peter who looked to James in defense but he just shrugged, looking shocked and worried to hear that such an extreme punishment was on the table.

"He had to, Sirius. Bandaging them up wouldn't have done any good. Dark creature wounds don't heal well," Remus spoke up, his too slender frame sitting on the edge of his bed huddled over on himself as if it was really cold. Sirius swallowed his irritation realizing he was right.

"Fine. I guess it's fine Peter, we'll just have to tell the girls to keep their big mouths shut."

Peter nodded frantically in agreement.

"Do we have to go out tomorrow night?" Peter asked hesitantly.

"Yes! Regulus told and we're in trouble for so long so you better damn believe we're wreaking hell on Slytherins!"

"YES! Finally!" James shouted jumping up on the bed, before crumpling in pain and grabbing the container out of Peter's hands. "Gimme that. Hey, you think I'll get some cool scars?" he asked excitedly no doubt thinking of trying to impress Lily again.

"If the pincers broke skin then it will but James wait," Remus called getting up and coming over his face still oddly devoid of any emotion. It was very concerning and Sirius was once more left trying to understand just how Remus was that upset at losing his mom when he never seemed particularly upset about much else, which always led to the troubled feeling something was still missing. "You can't scoop that much out, it's expensive and hard to make. Let me," Remus sighed at James who had already stripped to his underwear, dark angry red scrapes on his legs, back, and arms.

"Wow, I guess it was pretty bad if this is what you look like after Patricia healed you," Sirius mused and James glared at him playfully.

"Obviously you dumbass," James shot back grumpily.

"Sorry for assuming you're just a wuss," Sirius replied sarcastically and James threw a pillow at him.

"James, Sirius, stop I really don't want this spilling."

Sirius snickered amused at Remus' scolding, trying to ignore the lack of Remus' typical 'bemused yet frustrated expression' he had when chiding them. Suddenly James' smile fell and he went white as sheet flinching away from Remus who had dabbled a small bit on his arm.

"What's wrong James?" Sirius asked confused and a bit concerned, did the ointment stuff hurt that much? Remus glanced up, a slight frown on his face as he regarded James.

"Are you alright?"

"Y….yeah just cold," James laughed, though it seemed tense. Sirius rolled his eyes, since James really was a wuss, and threw another pillow in their direction, a bit of him hoping for some sort of reaction from Remus. Anything other than that calm expression... yet sort of dead-eyed expression he had.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted as the pillow hit James right in the face then fell. The pillow would have knocked over the jar placed precariously beside his friends if not for Remus' quick reaction.

"Sorry sorry," he laughed, giving James a quick flick of his pinky silently asking him 'what's wrong'. James, realizing Remus wasn't watching them, gave his own hand signals quickly.

'Later.'

Sirius sighed in frustration and went from his bed to Remus', gesturing for Peter to join them.

"So next you'll let us help you right?"

Remus' response was immediate, his whole body flinching and tensing.

"I told you I'm not as hurt as James."

"Bull!" James cried out, his anger at Remus for lying renewed. Remus winced finally a hint of expression leaking through his poker face, fear. Sirius had to sit on his hands since he didn't trust himself not to tackle Remus and rip the shirt off his stupidly stubborn friend. Even if he had a few scars from 'the cockatrice attack' it wasn't worth bleeding over!

"Come on! Remus we just want to help. You don't have to strip as shamelessly as James."

"Hey! I'm just flaunting what I got. But yeah Remus. Sirius is right and you owe us after lying like you did."

"OWE YOU?" Remus shouted all calm gone, a blaze of rage reflecting in his deep golden eyes. His gaze seemed to pierce Sirius painfully and he looked away realizing neither Peter nor James could meet the gaze as well. "I don't OWE you anything. If anything you OWE ME! I got in trouble, a lot of trouble and now my dad will know and….," Remus trailed off abruptly, no longer slouched on the bed but standing stiff as a Quidditch post his fists squeezed tight at his side.

"Sorry, Remus,"

"Yeah, ...we really are sorry."

"I'll go to Madam Pomfrey for help. Peter come here, continue to dab small amounts on the scratches. You'll need to repeat the process in another hour if they don't seem to be healing. If they break open and start bleeding, come to Madam Pomfrey's too since James might be poisoned. DON'T wait up for me. I'll spend the night in the hospital ward. Goodnight," he continued frostily, ignoring their continued attempts at apology.

Sirius bit his lip so hard it started bleeding as Remus stalked out. Somehow the fact he still managed to close the door quietly, so as to considerately not wake the boys in the other dorm, made his disappointment and anger in them worse.

"Should….should I go after him you reckon?"

"No,...I...no Sirius I think it's best we leave him be."

"Fine. I've never seen him that mad. Dammit, James what if he gets hurt because of this?"

James looked very pale, his gaze dashing quickly to the window before meeting Sirius' eyes.

"He'll forgive us eventually, he has to…. Just….give him some time to calm down yeah? That's what we do with you."

Sirius nodded, James unknowingly giving him his real answer. Dashing to James' unoccupied bed he snatched the invisibility cloak and took off running.

"Sirius come back before you make things worse!" James shouted after him but Sirius ignored him taking the stairs downstairs two at the time in his haste to catch up.

Because they did leave him alone when he was mad and gloomy and sad, James and Peter did, but Remus always checked up on him even if it meant Sirius biting his head off as a result. Sirius wasn't about to not do the same for his friend, even if his insides squirmed with guilt, even if he was worried he might actually make things worse.

He chased after Remus because his friend always seemed to understand him and Sirius really truly wanted to understand him better too.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three: Conversations in the Dark

Chapter Forty-Three: Conversations in the Dark

Remus kept walking, his anger fading quickly into deep biting shame. He really was an animal to lose it on them like that, he had to be better at keeping his emotions hidden. But why had James looked afraid of him? Did he notice Remus' eyes glowing again? He had all but blinded himself with his wand to prevent that from happening. He hated how….how different he was, hated how calm he had been.

Because what were a few car-sized acromantula compared to one sadistic kidnapping werewolf? He scowled at nothing, his thoughts dark and filthy as himself.

"I say young man!" called a scandalized portrait he had accidentally directed his glare at.

"Sorry," he mumbled, dropping his eyes.

"Tsk tsk, what fierce eyes you have."

Remus jumped realizing his eyes must be glowing again in the dark and he crouched down to the ground, arms wrapped around his head in a failing attempt to keep all the turmoil inside of him.

Would he never be able to forget what he was?

Even if just for a moment. He rocked slightly on the balls of his heels trying to calm down, wanting to scream.

"Remus….," came a hushed whisper he knew all too well and completely dreaded hearing.

"Lumos," he whispered, not even caring if a professor found him, anything was better than the constant haunting reminder of what he was.

"What the hell, Lupin lose the light or we'll wind up in more trouble."

Remus sighed, unsure if the second voice, slightly farther away than the first, made the situation worse or better.

"James?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Sirius," James replied cheekily, a slight edge of excitement to his voice that always seemed to happen when they were breaking the rules.

"Why did you follow me?" Sirius asked, the usual excitement about the same thing absent from his tone at the moment.

"Stop you from doing something stupid," James mumbled just as the sound of panting meant Peter had also arrived. It all seemed like one bad joke and Remus had to stop himself from letting out a bubble of frantic laughter over the absurdity of it all. His chest ached with how much they all meant to him and how badly he wished he could be different for them.

"Piss off Potter. But he has a point Remus, you should put your wand away."

"I….I need it…," he stammered, only able to hear rather than see them. Sirius who sounded very close by, remained under the cloak since Remus couldn't see him.

"Oh sorry….I guess it makes sense you'd still be scared."

"Yeah," Remus whispered, not bothering to correct him. He jumped as Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him underneath the cloak. "What are you doing?"

"Ditching those two?" Sirius' tone was questioning rather than a demand. He'd let Remus decide, at the moment it was up to him.

"Hey! We followed you two out here without the cloak. And might I remind you it's my cloak!"

"Well?"

Remus glanced at Sirius through the glaring wand light that must be hurting Sirius' eyes too, but his friend didn't seem to care at the moment. He wore a ridiculously hopeful smile on his face. Remus nodded before he even realized what he was agreeing to.

"Don't you dare," James began actually sounding a bit angry now.

"James, you need to be resting and Peter needs to apply the ointment," Remus reasoned quietly, feeling bad.

"What about you?" James shouted incredulously but his threats of what he'd do if they hijacked his invisibility cloak fell on deaf ears as Remus' hand was firmly grasped and he was led at a relatively slow pace, for Sirius, down the hall.

Why had he agreed to this?

Remus truly felt a bit bad but realized it must be that he just….just couldn't handle all of them at the moment?

After all, getting rid of one of them would be hard but even more so would be to get rid of all three of them. He'd take one over all of them when he was upset like this any day, even if that one was Sirius. By the time they could no longer hear James' half-serious threats, though that might be because he quit shouting after them due to the approaching steps of several professors who had heard chattering, Remus was beginning to dread his decision.

"We're heading to the hospital wing right?"

"Maybe, I can't really tell where we're going with the blinding wand light."

"Sorry,"

"Don't be. I get it….I...used...to be afraid of the dark too. But….well... just...don't worry because….because I'll protect you," Sirius assured him and Remus almost forced a laugh before realizing how sincere his friend was being.

"Thanks, Sirius," he replied, whispering nox, closing his eyes, and letting Sirius tug him along. "Also I'm sorry for…"

"Don't apologize for chewing us out. James and I know we deserve it. You may want to apologize to Peter though since as annoying as it is he didn't really do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have yelled."

"Why?"

"I…..I just….shouldn't have."

Sirius had stopped walking and Remus walked into him with a slight 'oof' of surprise.

"Remus you have every right to get mad. I don't know if your dad told you that you didn't or whatever bullshit but you do and really you should just ignore anything that comes from him and your berk of an uncle's mouth got it?"

Remus nodded, taking advantage of his head momentarily pressed against Sirius' shoulder from colliding with him which felt quite nice before he pulled himself together and took a step back finding his voice again.

"Sorry,"

"For getting mad? I just said you can and should...well sometimes. Don't...how about you don't do it too much? I mean don't make me regret giving you permission to. Kindly leave your nagging to a minimum please," Sirius half teased.

"Not that," Remus mumbled feeling awkward and altogether too warm under the stuffy cloak.

There was a slight pause.

"Oh. For what?" Sirius asked, sounding confused and Remus struggled to find the words since he really shouldn't have lingered against his friend's shoulder. That didn't seem to be something James did? Nor even something that boys did?

He was just feeling too much tonight, that must be what was going on, near-death experiences could do that to you.

"...I…...just…..um…..shoulder…."

"Oh…. um….well I mean…. you can lean on my shoulder... if you want. It's nothing compared to falling asleep in my lap," Sirius replied, sounding a bit awkward himself and Remus felt his face go hot, and an embarrassing little groan escaped his lips before he could stop himself.

"It….it's alright though. It's what mates are for after all. I mean James basically fell asleep in my arms and I mean you….you had every right to cry and be all sad cuz your mum died and that's….really sad if she's not a terrible git like mine is. I mean...if that was all…" Sirius trailed off clearing his throat, and Remus ignored his subtle question.

"We should probably keep walking."

"Why don't you just let me help you? If Madam Pomfrey talks to Professor McGonagall then Patricia could get expelled," Sirius pleaded quietly.

"Don't worry, I'll come up with something."

"Come on…..I promise I won't get pissed at the scars your uncle and dad gave you," Sirius replied, too matter of factly, and Remus flinched in response. He could practically hear Sirius silently begging for him to open up more and trust him more and it made his chest ache slightly.

"I'll come up with something," he replied again ignoring the brief hesitation, the brief second of insanity in which he did want to open up more to Sirius. He heard Sirius' disappointed sigh and felt like crying as his friend snatched his hand away from him. They walked to the hospital wing in tense silence, Remus' eyes squeezed shut as his heart raced with worry that Sirius would stop again and he'd bump into him again. It all felt too tight and uncomfortable but he didn't want to make Sirius angrier with him so he simply kept his mouth shut.

When they reached the hospital wing he expected Sirius to say something more, anything more. Even another attempt to get him to say something. But he didn't and Remus felt a sort of unexplainable panic as his friend started to walk away.

"End of the year….," he whispered, not necessarily expecting Sirius to hear him, but he did. Sirius turned around taking the invisibility off him in the dim-lit hall so Remus could see his disappointment. "Sorry," he added not knowing what else to say.

"You wouldn't wait," Sirius said, seemingly talking more to himself.

"What?" Remus asked confused, a small unexplainable part of him wanting to delay Sirius leaving him as much as possible.

"You wouldn't wait," Sirius said a bit louder, a bit more confidence in his voice. Remus was still at a loss, having no idea what he meant, which must have shown on his face because Sirius elaborated with frustration. "If I came back once a month hurt like you did. Would you wait?" he questioned forcefully.

Remus wanted to say yes, wished he could to assure his friend that he would have quitted his attempts by now, but they both knew he couldn't.

"No."

"Then don't expect me not to try to find out. I know you won't tell me, but you can't blame me for trying to figure it out. James thinks you were just crying about your mum but you weren't were you."

It wasn't a question so Remus didn't reply, just swallowed the lump that had seemed to rise in his throat. Sirius scoffed at his silence as that frustrated, almost cruel, look in his eyes appeared again, a look that Remus remembered all too well from year one.

"You won't even let me do something to help you with your cuts. I mean geez Remus it doesn't even make any bloody sense! I get we were arses at the very beginning of last year….well at….least me. But when are you going to quit punishing me for that?"

Remus' eyes widened in horror.

'That….that's not it!"

"Then what? Because there's not a damn thing that would prevent me from being your friend!"

Remus watched Sirius in the faint candlelight, his friend's posture full of determination and seriousness. All traces of boyish foolishness and happiness went from his face and he seemed to be ages older than he was, there was a level of worry and grief that Remus had put there. He and Sirius' family were to blame for his friend sometimes looking so….so much older than he was.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again since there was nothing else to say. Remus might have believed Sirius, he was very convincing at the moment, if the many comments he made about dark creatures pointed otherwise. Things might have been different if Sirius hadn't been tortured by a dementor, if his friend wouldn't automatically put a werewolf on the same level as that.

"Yeah, whatever. You don't look it to me. Maybe you should stay in the hospital wing tomorrow night too," Sirius snapped angrily then spun around and left before Remus could say anything in his defense, not that there was anything to be said.

"Sorry," he whispered to no one, tears trickling down his cheeks before he shut that away too, in a tight box deep down inside him. Shut it all down, wiped his cheeks of tears, and went inside silent as a flobberworm. He'd take care of the cuts himself since he really didn't have a good lie for Madam Pomfrey.

He'd take care of it by himself... like always.

Besides Sirius would get over it in the morning, there was the Triwizard Tournament, and Quidditch and Remus was sure the concern his friend had for him would fade once more because of those two big events..., at least he hoped so.


	44. Chapter Forty-Four: The First Task

Chapter Forty-Four: The First Task

November 24th, the day they had all been waiting for since a few weeks prior when the champions were announced, had finally arrived! This year seemed to be going by slowly, at least it felt that way to James. If he was being honest he was getting really tired of the drama between Sirius and Remus, or more specifically Sirius constantly ranting to him about Remus the past week while James did his best not to let anything slip.

After his first Quidditch game, he was going to properly look into Remus. Not that it stopped him from making comments to Sirius after DADA. If he was wrong and Remus wasn't a werewolf, well he was beginning to believe their eccentric professor that some dark creatures got a bad wrap. Besides it would only be a good thing if Sirius was less hateful of them, even if just a bit.

"Oi hurry up Potter!" Sirius shouted at him impatiently, tugging on a sweater and wrapping the Gryffindor scarf around his neck with a small frown that appeared on his face anytime something remotely bringing up Remus was around. It's not even like the two were even fighting or ignoring each other! It really confused James, and try as hard as he might, he couldn't quite understand what was going on with them.

One moment they were laughing and carrying on as normal then out of nowhere they were shooting each other measuring looks as if trying to determine who would crack first under whatever pretense they were all playing at. It was infuriating!

He had spent several nights talking to his mom in the fireplace about what exactly he was supposed to do about it, of course, he obviously didn't tell her everything, but enough that she got the gist. Her response of 'give it time' didn't help his frustration in the matter either.

"James COME ON!" Sirius whined hopping foot to foot with excitement. Petter and Remus had already gone down but Sirius hadn't dressed warm enough and James was forced to go with him since he may or may not also have been just a bit chilly. He finished tugging his sweater on letting the worries about his frustrating friends leave him as he got re-absorbed in Sirius' whirlwind of excitement.

"I want to see Gideon beat them both!" Sirius howled jumping up and down as they caught up to the crowd of other students who hadn't dressed warm enough for the biting cold November day. Really they should have listened to Remus like Peter did but it didn't matter now. Both of them set to use their elbows and smaller statues to their advantage as they fought their way forward to many exclamations of pain and frustration.

"Haha Woah there little kiddies slow down there."

Suddenly James' feet weren't touching the ground and let out an exclamation of surprise which turned into delight as Fabian hoisted him onto the broom with his usual wicked smile.

"Fabian!"

"Can't have the students that helped my bro miss the big day now can we."

He winked and before James could ask why Fabian was running behind, they were taking off above students' heads, ignoring the many glares shot in their direction.

"You Suck Fabian!" someone shouted angrily and Fabian laughed waving like he was royalty floating above an adoring crowd instead, before swooping down to snatch up Sirius who kicked and flailed before realizing what was happening, his mouth opening in an o of surprise.

James was surprised too! After the trip with Gideon into the forest, the older student had sought them out a few times much to James' delight. However, he'd barely seen Fabian who usually couldn't be detached from his brother's side and this was probably the first time the older student had ever talked to them.

"Gideon Prewett you get down here this instance!" came McGonagall's stern shout which the older boy pretended not to hear.

"Remus and Peter in there somewhere?"

"Uh…..no...no they already got seats."

"Cool. I don't think I could fit another of 'you tykes' on here anyways, even if they are small."

"What um….I mean…," James began entirely unsure what to say to him.

"My brother wanted to make sure you got VIP seats with Patricia. A thanks for your help. You and that Remus one made quite a good impression on him," Fabian explained and James smirked as Sirius seethed with envy.

"Awesome!" he breathed out in awe to which Fabian chuckled.

True to his word he landed them at the top of the stands set up so everyone could gather around the lake and watch. It seemed each champion had their own VIP box, sort of like with professional Quidditch games. Remus and Peter were already there, Patricia it seemed having snatched them up. She was harassing Remus about something while Peter kept his back to the stand looking a little ill at being so high up.

"Bout time you got here Fabian. You're gonna go give your brother a pep talk right? He's practically shitting himself."

"He is not!" James shouted at her indignantly, since it was most obvious to him that Gideon was calm and going to kick everyone's asses.

"Oh, he most definitely is," Fabian laughed, letting them off the broom, James unable to resist "accidentally" bumping into Peter as he passed, the boy letting out a squeak of horror probably thinking he was going to fall even though they were safely surrounded by walls in the box.

"Move," James commanded Peter, who immediately squished over so James could have the best seat.

"Move," Sirius barked but James wasn't about to concede the seat directly in front of Fabian and Patricia without a fight.

"Make me Sirius," he challenged and Sirius nearly shoved Peter off the bench entirely in his haste to start shoving James, who shoved back.

"They're adorable Patricia, I can see why you collected them," Fabian chuckled.

"They get old though. Especially these two gits," she replied in a bored tone, then proceeded to whack him and Sirius over the heads.

"OW!"

"Can't you behave well like Remus for once," she shot back though she quickly turned her irritation to Fabian, arguing quietly to him about something. James caught the words 'stupid' 'stubborn' and 'Gideon' but he was too busy battling to the death over the best seat with Sirius to pay proper attention.

James ended up winning, much to Sirius' displeasure, so his disgruntled friend had to sit next to Peter. Not only could James easily talk to Fabian like this, though he realized he was also in the danger range of Patricia whacking him, but this way Sirius wasn't sitting next to Remus who sat on the other side of James bundled up in his large sweater sipping hot chocolate and looking tired.

"Oi, cheer up Remus. We're about to watch something legendary,"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah definitely," Remus replied distractedly and James sighed trying not to let half-formed ideas about Remus' secret ruin the day.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" boomed Dumbledore standing on a platform floating on the water. As he went on to explain what the first task was, the champions walked up to three different platforms on the water, the little walkway they used to reach them disappearing, leaving the three of them stranded throughout different points on the Great Lake.

Before Dumbledore could properly finish his explanation a great rumbling started shaking the grounds. James laughed as Peter clung to Sirius' arm who tried to shake him off. There were multiple scared shouts which turned into more shouts of awe as the Giant Squid arose from the great lake in all its disgusting glory.

"REMEMBER THE LAST ONE STANDING IS THE WINNER, BEST OF LUCK TO ALL OUR WONDERFUL CHAMPIONS!"

"WOOOOOO!"

"GO GIDEON!"

"YOU'VE GOT THIS!"

"YEAAAAAAH!"

Shouts from all the schools cheering their champions shook the stands nearly as much as the entrance of the Giant Squid did. Sirius elbowed James lightly grinning, eyes full of excitement, their prior bickering over the seat forgotten.

"GO GIDEON!" James shouted loudly, determined that Hogwarts should be the rowdiest and enthusiastic with their cheers, which they easily were even if the Abraeselts gave them a run for their money despite having significantly fewer students.

The great squid shuddered, its blubbery goo covered flesh looking rotten and James was glad they weren't closer since the thing looked like it stunk. Only the head of the creature was currently above the water, and while he had seen a tentacle on occasion he'd never seen more than that. Seaweed covered the surface of the beast whose large dark eyes swiveled around in their sockets, four of them in total. Even not being familiar with Muggle creatures, James knew that four eyes weren't normal and therefore marked the thing as a magical giant squid as opposed to otherwise.

Also apparently the dark blood-red tone of its slippery skin wasn't typical either, but James found that kind of cool.

"How is it going to be a challenge?" Sirius whispered into his ear so as not to get whacked by Patricia, who apparently, and completely unfairly, wasn't going to let them talk to Fabian.

"I mean it's big…..," James whispered back, which was certainly underplaying the situation since the squid was easily as big as two giants height wise and thick as at least five fully grown dragons. Just the creature's eyes alone could easily be as big as a unicorn! If any students had dared to stay behind they would be easily able to make out the squid from the castle despite it being acres away.

"But it looks like it will sink back into the water any moment…..doesn't look that fast…."

"It's suspected to have magical properties…...tougher skin...and getting whacked by one of its tentacles, which I assume will move fast, could be deadly if it used its full force," Remus whispered, unable to help himself. James was very glad to hear the excitement in his voice as he saw a gleam of energy that had been devoid from him earlier.

"Well damn," James replied and Sirius moved to the edge of his seat vibrating with excitement again. The champions were given a few seconds…..and that was all the warning they got. Remus was right and tentacles shot from the water with a speed that didn't seem like it should be possible for such a large creature.

Gideon's glowing potions seemed to be very effective in deflecting the brunt of the Giant Squid's attacks, whose eyes couldn't seem to focus on the glowing boy and seemed to overlook him entirely, large twisting tentacles shooting at the other two champions instead.

Anders Olsen was Abraeselts champion who didn't seem interested in the fame of the position of champion for his school. But apparently, he was kind and quite clever, though James doubted that since clearly, both the other champions were stupid. James didn't pay too much attention to the other champions but the rumors about Anders caused him to know he was dating Emma Knight who was apparently as explosive emotionally as Anders could be when provoked. Apparently, the young man was also fiercely protective of his nation and had the bad habit of cutting people off when they talked, not that he seemed all that talkative, he just apparently believed no matter what he was saying it was more important than anyone else. So basically the guy was a giant prick.

Then there was Mihaela Balan who was the Digores champion. James had heard even less about her though if he had to choose a champion, other than his own, that he liked it would be her. She gave off an air of confidence yet not arrogance that he appreciated plus it helped that she looked like a total badass. With arms covered in tattoos and a habit of smoking weed that had gotten her removed from shadowing Hogwarts classes more than once she was about as cool as they came. Except Gideon was cooler by far obviously! Despite her appearance and use of drugs it was said she had perfect marks at her old school which James wasn't sure if he was impressed by or not since their curriculum was probably lacking. Truthfully the worst thing about Mihaela was either her not entertaining the fans she had acquired, although he did catch a few Hogwarts females chatting with her, or her pissy younger brother Arja who was friends with Snivellus and who never should have been allowed to come here in the first place.

It was interesting to see the different tactics the different champions employed but there was no doubt in his mind whose tactic was the most clever and most effective! However, being saved from most of the tentacles, other than a rogue one sent his way every now and then didn't save Gideon from the expulsion of water that seemed to expel from every tentacle in great powerful jets and arches.

"Like a whale's blowhole," he heard Remus whisper in awe and wished Lily was there because her pretty appearance would be distracting from watching the champions but at least then someone would get Remus' Muggle references and unconsciously explain to them like she seemed to always do, correctly assuming wizards and witches had no clue what she was talking about even if they wouldn't admit it. It was just one of the many surprisingly nice things about her you only noticed if you really got past the whole 'bossy' thing, which James certainly had, more or less anyways.

"WOAH!" he breathed in awe, elbowing Sirius and pointing to their champion even though he was already looking at him. Gideon was using something bright to create a sort of force field around him which stopped him from being thrown off the platform which was very slowly becoming smaller. Apparently, it was also fair game for the champions to attack each other, though how any of them could get out a spell while gulping water was a mystery to James.

Sparks flew from Mihaela's wand who seemed to have very little trouble staying on the platform, significantly less than the other two.

"What do you reckon her deal is?" he asked Remus who considered it for a moment.

"Must be something that makes Ms. Balan heavier…..or something along those lines."

"Oh that makes sense," Sirius exclaimed leaning over James' lap in order to hear Remus and be heard by him.

"Guys I can't hear anything," Peter whined who was on the edge of the bench and attempted to lean on top of Sirius, so both his and Sirius's weight was on James.

"Shut up!" Patricia snapped at the same time Fabian leaned down and replied that it must be a Referampondus charm which was smart but not nearly as clever as Gideon's tactic, which still was allowing him to escape most of the attacks.

James wasn't sure what the third champion was doing, only that it didn't seem to be working all that well, so it was no surprise when they were the first one to go flying. But it was bloody cool to watch! Suddenly Anders went streaking through the air and James was sure he'd hit the water and probably break every bone in their body which he wouldn't have been opposed to, but the Giant Squid's tentacle caught Anders and wrapped tight around him. It sure looked like the position Anders was in though would be making it hard to breathe.

"Two left! GO GIDEON!" Fabian shouted, and even though there was no way his brother could possibly hear him the Hogwarts champion seemed to suddenly have renewed vigor, leaping over the giant tentacle and rolling out of the way of a blast from Mihaela who seemed to give up dodging tentacles entirely just focusing on sending spell after spell at Gideon.

"Come on!" Sirius groaned as one of the sparks hit Gideon and his legs started shaking uncontrollably. Meanwhile, Mihaela had been hit with three tentacles taking the brunt of each blow.

"He's got to be close to collapse by now!" James shouted watching Gideon with desperation.

Come on, hang in there.

He thought Gideon really might win as Mihaela staggered from the blows, finally showing the wear the blows must have been having on her for a while now.

"It's already over," he heard Remus whisper but ignored him. He refused to believe that Gideon, their head boy, and prized Quidditch beater, could be beaten by a second rate school. It just wasn't fair!

"No!" Fabian shouted in worry and frustration, as now no longer able to focus well with his legs spazzing beneath him Gideon took a tentacle hard to his abdomen and went flying into the air his body tossing around wildly. It was much less exciting and much more stressful to watch when it was someone you cared about spinning through the air more violently than should be allowed. Just like with Anders the Giant Squid caught him and then Mihaela who apparently followed only two seconds behind Gideon.

It just wasn't fair!

Digore Institute of Magic's students erupted in ecstatic cheers as a tentacle grabbed their school champion and hoisted her into the air. James felt a bit of satisfaction when he realized Mihaela was unconscious, but only a little because ultimately Gideon was only second. He heard Slytherins start booing and sneering at Gideon and his blood boiled. There were still two more other tasks and he was sure Gideon would come out victorious!

"Come on Patricia, let's go visit him! I bet they all need to be in the hospital wing after that. Come on! He's going to be beating himself up like always, the bugger."

"Can we come too?" Sirius asked quickly, seemingly recovering from the shock of Hogwarts not winning faster than James had.

"Yeah, I suppose so. Maybe having a swarm of adoring fans around him will cheer him up," Fabian replied casually, then stopped, peering at them suspiciously, "you are still fans right? You better believe a lot of the school is going to be taking it out on him."

"Of course we're still fans!" Sirius exclaimed quickly.

"Die-hard fans," James confirmed just as quickly and Fabian nodded thoughtfully before grinning.

"Then sure, you can come along,"

"Yes!" Sirius cheered.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five: Bickering Brothers

Chapter Forty-Five: Bickering Brothers

Remus had left them almost immediately once they were off the stands, Sirius trying not to notice how much he wobbled, letting James help him. Not that he didn't want to help him, he just, once more, didn't trust himself not to bombard Remus and James had been especially attentive of him lately. James was such a mother sometimes, he even checked Remus' temperature again with a frown when they safely got off the stands.

Sirius had overheard James trying to get Remus to come with them so he could see the matron but Remus instead went off with the excuse he wasn't feeling great and would simply go lay down for a bit, but Sirius watched him leave with suspicion. Not that he didn't believe his friend wasn't feeling good, it was quite evident he was. But Sirius had also caught Remus down in the common room late at night smiling at a piece of parchment. So he knew that Remus was talking to someone, probably with Lily, but it hurt since he wasn't talking to him, not really anyways.

When they hung out in a group everything was fine enough, and Remus had even convinced him with his typical kindness to wait until after the first task to prank the Slytherins. Because, apparently, by that time hopefully he'd have calmed down some, before going after Regulus for being a bloody nark!

Well, it was technically after the first task now which Sirius excitedly pointed out to James who beamed in response.

Sirius hadn't gone to talk to his brother for their weekly meeting two days ago since what was the point? Then there was the fact that both him and James were going to go crazy if they didn't prank some Slytherins soon. Pranking the girls hadn't really helped take away the urge though it had been a distraction and luckily had ended in an unspoken draw so no one's pride was hurt by it.

Truthfully it was a minor miracle they lasted until November and the end of November at that!

James pointed out they really should be given a trophy for waiting as long as they had as Sirius started explaining to him some ideas in a low voice, while Fabian and Patricia walked ahead conversing in hushed whispers.

"Hey, wasn't that Remus?" he vaguely heard Peter ask, but he wasn't really listening to him busy explaining why they needed to use a modified multicorfors charm to James in order to get a more realistic outcome, of what they had decided would be their best first prank of the year because of the Slytherins, being Slytherins and the new students.

"Guys...guys wait up….."

"No, but Sirius, if we do that we'd have to do like fifty charms!"

"There's the brilliance of it my friend…..you only need like...ten angry Slytherins to cause a riot…"

"GUYS!"

They stopped walking and turned back to face short Peter who was struggling exceptionally to catch up to them in a rush of people all going this way and that to go back to dorms.

"Geez, no need to shout Peter. What's up?"

"I…..saw…...Remus…," Peter gasped, finally catching up to them, and he certainly had their attention now. James grabbed Peter's shoulder and with the three of them together they were able to make their way to a nearby courtyard, losing sight of Patricia and Fabian in the process.

This had better be good.

"What do you mean Peter? You saw Remus heading back to the dorm?"

The rather out of shape boy shook his head bent over slightly to catch his breath.

"The hospital ward then? That would just be like the little twat," Sirius exclaimed in exasperation. But yet again Peter shook his head.

"Spit it out, Pettigrew!" James snapped as eager as Sirius to get to the hospital ward quickly. It wasn't every day you got a chance to hang out with cool older students, especially not as exclusively as this.

"He was with some boy…the two of them were smiling but I didn't recognize the boy."

"Someone from another school then?" James asked intrigued now. Sirius had to hold back the surge of jealousy that had no place rising up in him. It's not like Remus couldn't have other friends! He wasn't jealous about Marlene and Peter, well that was different they were practically dating. Still, what if he told this mysterious boy whatever his secret was before Sirius? That sure as hell wouldn't be fair!

"Maybe? But I think he was wearing Hogwarts robes. They looked really friendly."

"Who cares!" Sirius shouted and ignored the looks his friends gave him in response.

"Sirius…"

"Well, he can do what he bloody well pleases! It's none of our damn business anyway!"

Peter was gaping at him, actually standing there with his stupid mouth open, the dumb git. James was giving that look, that infuriating look where it was almost like he was going to say something but he chickened out and said nothing instead. With a loud huff of frustration he took off for the hospital ward again, his friends following but not daring to speak to him.

They looked friendly? It doesn't matter! Some boy in Hogwarts, who wasn't a Gryffindor? It doesn't matter! Probably some Ravenclaw snot I wouldn't want to know anyway. It doesn't matter!

If he has another 'swat' friend he can get out all his 'swatness', then Remus can actually have fun with us, it's a good thing really….it is. It...

"DOESN'T MATTER!"

"Sirius mate….."

He stopped realizing he had shouted that last bit out loud and felt his cheeks flush a bit.

Remus Lupin was going to drive him insane, that's all there was to it.

"Come on, thanks to Peter we probably won't even get to talk to Gideon."

It wasn't kind nor fair to Peter, he knew. But it did the trick since James immediately focused on Gideon instead and with some playful insults at Peter any mention of Remus was forgotten.

It didn't take them long to reach the hospital wing afterward and soon they were rushing over to Gideon's bedside who was lifting up his shirt proudly, to show a very bruised abdomen.

'Woah!" James breathed, ever the adoring fan, despite Gideon's humiliating loss. Sirius rather liked that about James honestly because even though he wanted all of Hogwarts to adore him, he wasn't stingy about sharing the limelight, ...well not with people he liked anyways.

"Woah is right. Hurts like a banshee's…."

"Mr. Fabian! Language!" Madam Pomfrey shouted at them.

"But I didn't say anything," Fabian protested with a cheekiness that suggested they had before done a similar thing to the harried Madam Pomfrey, who fritted from the bedsides of all the champions reducing visitors to considerably loud complaints.

"How come she didn't get rid of this lot?" Patricia asked, still not seeming thrilled they were hanging out with her and the Prewitt twins.

"She knows better," Sirius boasted since by the disgruntled look the matron had thrown them she knew that attempting to kick them out wouldn't be worth the effort. She'd battled them enough times the past year over visiting Remus to know how persistent they could be. Fabian snorted in amusement whispering something to Patricia that caused her to punch him, rather hard.

"Oof."

"Lay off him Patricia," Gideon grinned, though he looked a bit pale and gladly took the draught Madam Pomfrey handed to him before flitting off again, with another round of disapproving glares.

"She really does know better than not to get rid of these little brats now doesn't she. Well I'll be damned that's actually kind of cool," Fabian remarked still quite amused about that and James' chest swelled as he bragged about once arguing with the matron for twenty whole minutes before she relented.

"Hey! You git, that was me not you!" Sirius protested once he realized the story sounded a bit too familiar.

"Nuhu. It happened to both of us!" James declared, "right Peter?"

"Uh….yeah right," the smaller boy confirmed quickly, rousing from whatever thoughts he had going on through his head, probably all about Marlene.

"See," James gloated and Sirius stuck out his tongue. For some reason, Gideon and Fabian found this amusing enough to laugh at.

"Such brothers."

"We aren't brothers," James protested, still, it seemed, a bit disgruntled with Sirius because of earlier.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, ignoring the little stab of hurt. Besides, he was still disgruntled James took the best seat and stole his story!

"Maybe not blood brothers but that's easy to change," Fabian explained.

"Fabian," Gideon warned in a similar cautionary tone that Remus often had with them. Sirius sincerely hoped Remus didn't become head boy, he didn't think he could bear it if any of his friends were that much of a swat. Although Gideon was an exception, he was actually a cool head boy. Well, if Remus became head boy he and James would make sure he'd be a cool one.

"I didn't say how Gideon, chill. I just said that they could."

"Besides blood doesn't matter with family," Patricia explained and Gideon and Fabian gave her warm smiles which she mirrored and which actually made her look a little less threatening, for once.

"Well I mean we are brothers just...not right now," James amended and Gideon laughed before trailing off clutching his side.

"Mr. Prewitt if you can't not get riled up by your guests I will have them all leave!" Madam Pomfrey scolded handing him something else to take, which made him grimace. "Ten more minutes then all guests are leaving so my patients can sleep!"

"Awwww but Poppy!" Fabian wined batting his eyes at her, which Sirius found very amusing even if she did not.

"No "Poppy'ing me and no playing the twin card either. Ten minutes is generous," she huffed, her face purple with anger. She even jabbed Fabian's chest warningly then left shaking her head and muttering about 'Gryffindors' in a rather impressive McGonagall-esk way.

"What crawled up her ass and died?" Patricia asked with dry amusement.

"Yeah, and I don't get it, why can't she just heal you?" Peter asked confused

"Poppy's losing her touch," Sirius added, deciding from now on he'd call her nothing else, not if it worked so exceedingly well at riling her up.

"Because the Giant Squid constitutes a dark creature. So any injuries take a long time to heal," Gideon explained knowledgeably, sounding proud of the fact. Why that made James go white as a sheet Sirius had not the faintest idea!

"Well you aren't bleeding so it shouldn't leave a scar. I heard Dumbledore trained the beast so it was relatively gentle."

"Well darn, I was hoping for one good scar out of this," Gideon half-jokingly complained to his brother who snorted

"Still got two more tasks," Fabian replied fondly, but Sirius noted that they seemed to be more serious now. They both glanced at him and James.

"You'll look into it then?" Gideon asked Fabian, a look passing between them that Sirius was very confused about. He didn't have the faintest idea what they were talking about.

"Of course. We cool then?"

"Of course. I couldn't get rid of you even if I tried."

Fabian leaned over and hugged Gideon then kissed his forehead in a touching gesture that made Sirius feel immensely better about all the slightly mushy shit he sometimes found happening unexplainably with him and Remus.

"Ew, you git," Gideon groaned pretending to scrub really hard and wipe off the kiss.

"Next time don't scare me then. That's your punishment!"

The two laughed and Patricia forced "the kiddos" to leave so she could have a few moments alone with the older boys discussing 'adult matters' they weren't privy to.

"What do you think all that's about?" Sirius asked and James shrugged looking as curious as he felt. Look into what? Before they could discuss theories though Madam Pomfrey was firmly escorting Patricia out along with several other students from the other schools that braved hanging around just a bit past ten minutes.

"No more visitors until the morning. That's that," she harrumphed at them closing the great heaving door to the wing with a resounding clang.

"She's a right touchy one ain't she," drawled an older boy in that strange accent the Digores had, nearly all of them anyway.

"Yeah, she's a crude 'ol-bat' not giving us any more time."

"She's alright as long as you don't tick her off," James replied, ever the loyal one, even to the matron, which Sirius found ludicrous because she was infuriating.

"No one asked you, kid."

"Oh be nice, Daniel, they just got their asses handed to them," an older girl simpered with mock sympathy only for the other two boys with her to chuckle. Sirius felt his cheeks heat in shame and anger but Patricia beat him, and probably James, to saying something.

"It's arses you uncultured swines and we did not get our arses handed to us. Mihaela followed by a few seconds!" Patricia snapped her temper rising as quickly as it always did.

"See? Told you they were rude!"

"Why I oughta…," Patricia mumbled reaching for her wand, the tension so thick in the corridor Sirius wouldn't have been surprised if he could physically take a bite out of it.

"Now, now let's leave this to the champions to duke out. We're here to foster new relationships, positive ones mind you," Egil piped up, who was Anders's cousin and was as cheery as the headmaster of their school. A headmaster Sirius was still extremely convinced was actually Santa.

Daniel looked Egil over but seemed to calm down. Patricia mumbled something about him being a coward but thankfully he didn't hear. Sirius figured that would be the end of it and therefore was surprised when Egil followed them. Patricia noticed quickly and stopped, still having a defensive air about her as she rounded on the older boy, her being a good few inches taller than him.

"Can I help you?"

"Has anyone told you that you're beautiful," he replied with such a sincere smile and gaze that it completely threw Patricia off balance.

"I…..I what?"

"The Yule Ball is coming up in less than a month and I would be most honored indeed if you would agree to go with me."

Patricia stared at the student looking flabbergasted. Sirius and James both attempted to hide their snickers, while Peter just seemed awed.

"Me…..what? I…..why?" she asked guardedly.

"Because you display the brave traits of your house openly and there's a hidden depth to you I would most like to get to know better."

How could the older boy not be blushing dark red right now? Worse, why was Patricia the one blushing instead?

"I…...perhaps. I'll need to consider it," she replied haughtily, detracted some by the dark red blush stubbornly staying on her flustered face. Even though it wasn't an acceptance Egil acted like it was, beaming and grabbing her hand, kissing it, and wishing her goodnight in another fluffy string of words before departing from them.

"I bloody swear if you tykes…." She didn't get to finish her threat though since James cut in laughing so hard he drowned her out.

"AHAHAHA you're not actually HAHAHA going to go with him AHAHA you are, aren't you hahaha you actually are a girl I guess hahahaha who would have thought ahahahaha!"

Sirius chuckled as well but he was now a bit too preoccupied with the possibility they would return to their dorm and find Remus gone off on wonderful adventures with his new best friend. He elbowed Peter to distract himself.

"Were you taking notes Pettigrew?" he teased, certainly not expecting Peter to nod looking so starstruck. He thought about correcting him before realizing what fun it would be to see Peter, bumbling little Peter, attempt to ask Marlene out in such a floofy way.

"AHAHAHAH and your face ahaha!"

Sirius turned his attention back to James who still was laughing uproariously, not seeming to notice the growing danger emerging across Patricia's face.

"Mate…," he tried to warn him but was too late.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Patricia shouted, her wand already having been in her hand, pointed at James so quick he didn't even have time to blink. Sirius considered it was a relatively nice spell to shoot at him considering how pissed Patricia had been but then James fell back with a hard whack, Sirius failing to catch him in time and he was sure a groan of pain would have escaped James if it physically could have.

"You really got to get better at talking to girls mate," Sirius replied, which was very helpful of him, leaning over at James, who he was sure if he could be glaring would be.

"Come on Peter help me carry him back to the dorm. Foolish oaf. I reckon you've got a screw loose James."

"He certainly has a type," Peter teased, accepting Sirus' high five with pride. He was sure they would be chewed out once James could but the two of them took the opportunity to tease James about Lily and Sirius was sure by the time they reached the Fat Lady, that even still frozen James' cheeks were a slightly darker shade of red than they had been.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six: A Familiar Figure in the Moonlight

Chapter Forty-Six: A Familiar Figure in the Moonlight

Sirius was immensely relieved to find Remus sitting in his bed reading. He looked up when they entered a single eyebrow raising in question as he and Peter heaved James through the door jam and unceremoniously dumped James on the floor.

"Careful with him," Remus exclaimed

"He's heavy," Peter complained following James to the ground.

"And the bloody git deserved it. Plus the floor is carpeted," he added, glad they had several hours at least for James to calm down before the curse wore off.

"Still," Remus chided, and before Sirius could stop him, or even realize he had the capability to, he was calmly saying "Finite Incantem."

"Oh, why didn't we think of that?" Peter asked pleasantly, not seeming to realize the angry James that would follow, or perhaps, correctly expecting the wrestling and pillow chucking would be directed primarily at Sirius. They had discussed undoing the curse but had only considered the Reparifos spell which they hadn't learned yet.

"Because you two are bloody morons!" James hollered, predictably throwing himself at Sirius' legs knocking him over, the two tussling on the ground.

"You bloody git."

"You daft cow."

"Well, you're a gormless mangy minger!"

"Well, you're an airy-fairy Knob Head!"

"Oh yeah well you're a barmy…."

"Hm, can someone explain to me what happened?" Remus cut in, probably at a good time because Sirius could feel the insults becoming more hurtful but wasn't quite sure how to stop escalating them when bloody infuriating James was doing so as well.

"Well Patricia got asked out to the Yule Ball and James made an arse of himself laughing and teasing her," Sirius reciting proudly, earning a painful elbow from James.

"It was funny!" he protested as Remus just shook his head.

"Oh James," was all he said but the taunts and teasing on the way back most have gotten to James more than Sirius realized since his mate went a bit red around the ears and got off the ground with as much dignity as he could muster, pointing an accusing finger at Remus.

"Well, at least I wasn't ditching my best mates and canoodling around with someone else."

Remus went from looking startled to looking bemused.

"I did what now?"

"Peter saw you!" Sirius shouted quickly, jumping on the attack Remus bandwagon. Not that he was really upset by it….not a whole lot anyways. Remus shook his head again and sighed, a deep long sigh that made Sirius feel a bit bad and notice just how pale he seemed at the moment.

"What Peter saw….," Remus explained slowly as if they were small children needing to be talked down to in such a dramatically slow tone. Plenty of time for him to come up with an excuse, Sirius realized. However, he didn't think Remus was doing so this time. He was far too calm, and it's not like he had known they'd be questioning him about this. "Was me escorting an Abraeselt student to the East Courtyard which they couldn't find."

"Ow!"

"Stupid Peter, you slowed us down for nothing!"

"Sirius, don't whack Peter, it's not nice," Remus continued with an exaggerated patience Sirius was beginning to realize his friend didn't actually have right now. He realized that Remus wasn't talking slowly to be condescending; he was doing it to hold back his own impatience. Sirius might just use that trick with Regulus if he ever talked to the little traitor again.

"Yeah, Sirius it's not nice!"

Sirius held up his hand again and Peter flinched covering his head with his hands.

"Besides the boy had on a Hogwarts robe," Peter squeaked out quickly in his defense.

"Aha!" James cried triumphantly leaping up onto his bed and once more pointing an accusing finger at Remus. "Explain!" he thundered dramatically.

"He got cold since not unlike a certain few of my idiot friends, he didn't dress warm enough."

"Oh," James sighed, flopping backward onto his bed sounding deeply disappointed. "That's no fun, Remus. Can't you at least pretend you're harboring some secret friend from us in order to amuse us?"

"I'll get right on that," Remus replied dryly and James chuckled but didn't straighten from his bed, which seemed a little odd, but maybe he had just realized how tired he was. Sirius was relieved that's all it had been with Remus, and Peter quickly dashed to his bed before Sirius was even given an option to whack him or not. Not that he actually would have. It was obvious where Peter's confusion had come from.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked Remus instead, who gave a half-hearted shrug mumbling something about going to bed soon and also disappearing to his bed. Which left Sirius standing in the middle of the room feeling very unpleasantly alone.

...

Detention with McGonagall that Saturday was dreadfully boring as always, especially having it the day after the First Task. Sirius had suggested they be allowed to spend their detention in the forest with Hagrid, but she was not amused. She also was not amused by Sirius calling her Minny, short for Minerva, quite a brilliant nickname he thought.

Fortunately, he discovered that it annoyed her as much as being called Poppy annoyed Madam Pomfrey. It was a good tool to have in his arsenal if he needed to throw her off or get her so mad she forgot what she was originally mad at. Unfortunately, it led to him, very unfairly, getting two more detentions. It's not like he was going to call her Minny more than once after she warned him not to.

Detention left them scrambling to throw together their brilliant Slytherin prank, and since Remus always got cold and ignored them after every detention since he was still pissed they had landed him there, he and James could whisper about their second attempt at tailing Remus. It was clear it would be soon, they just didn't realize how soon, or how inconvenient detention would be when McGonagall let Remus excuse himself to leave. During it!

"At least we know Professor McGonagall knows whatever it is," James explained attempting to calm him as they, or mainly Sirius, stomped across the grounds.

"So what? We sort of already knew that! This means we have to wait a whole new month before even getting the chance."

James looked away, oddly having been reluctant about tailing Remus this time around, though he attempted to hide it. But James just couldn't hide anything from Sirius, he always knew what was going on with James at the very least.

"Well...I just…..maybe we should wait...until he tells us at the end of the year…," James suggested hesitantly.

"OUTRAGEOUS!" Sirius shouted pointing at James accusingly as he had done to Remus the night before.

"Look...I just…," James sighed, rubbing his neck, uncharacteristically nervous lately. He'd never admit it but Sirius knew it was because the first official Quidditch game of the season was in fact tomorrow, having been postponed until after the first task.

"Just what? Don't care what it is anymore?" Sirius asked sharply because letting James wuss out just because he was nervous about Quidditch wouldn't at all make Sirius a good best mate.

"Well, what do you propose we do?" James huffed in irritation and Sirius frowned quite stumped on that.

"I...actually...have a suggestion," Peter cut in quietly.

"What is it, Peter?" Sirius asked, dubious it would be anything actually useful. Probably something like 'we should go get snack' or something just as dumb.

"We should check the hospital wing…and…"

"Oh yeah! We should check the hospital wing because Remus might be there. He seems to be there a lot," Sirius cut in excitedly, already running.

"Great idea!" James called after him, though Sirius wasn't sure if it was directed to him or Peter.

They ran to their dorm, most people studying or hanging out since there was nearly an hour before dinner. After the excitement of the first task, the day's classes had seemed painfully boring, made worse by detention hanging over their heads. But now, well now things were exciting again. Sirius was so convinced they'd find Remus there in the hospital wing, that they'd discover the secret tonight and everything would be fine that he was beaming when he entered the common room.

"What are you grinning at so broadly Black?" Marlene asked, grinning herself though he wasn't sure why. He simply ignored her though, since who had time for girls when they were about to discover their mate's deepest darkest secret. He took the steps two at a time and had already dug out the cloak from James' trunk when his best mate entered, still oddly enough looking hesitant.

"Oh come on James we've got to do this!"

"I know," James sighed, looking upset and Sirius paused in his effort to pull the cloak over him, frowning.

"What's wrong?"

"I just…... if it's really bad….you can't…... I mean…..we just…...are we sure we want to know…..like...really know?" James asked stammering a little over his words with an unnatural amount of fear in his voice that made Sirius stop dead.

"Do you know what it is?" he demanded having to hold back his anger. Because if Lily knew first then James, and then him he'd lose his damn mind!

"No. I just…... I'm worried. You act like it's a game sometimes…" Sirius scowled in response and James gestured to him holding the cloak. "Well, you do!"

"It's an adventure, not a game. I know that. Do you?"

"Of course. I know it's not a game. Don't glare at me Sirius I just…" Sirius felt his nerves rise as tears suddenly filled James' eyes. "I found out just last year you…...that you and Remus. Well….I mean…..it's a nightmare….what your families do. Sometimes I have nightmares. I just….what…..what if this is another nightmare….?" he finished rather lamely.

Sirius set the cloak on the bed and walked over to James hugging him tightly.

"You don't think I don't realize that! But James…...you're forgetting something."

"What's that?" James asked, his voice stuffy sounding as he wiped his tears. Sirius could feel his own eyes getting misty, damn James for starting to cry now of all times, they could be racing a clock after all.

"If...if it is a nightmare it's one Remus had been living all alone. We, as The Marauders, are the best mates among best mates. We can't allow that. Besides if it is a nightmare then it will be better if all four of us face it together."

Sirius was quite pleased with his explanation, so he was taken aback when James started crying. Geez what was with him lately?

...

Peter was not an idiot. He knew he had missed something big when he returned to the common room. Only when he asked, neither James nor Sirius answered. He had at least hoped they'd let him under the invisibility cloak again. It wasn't his fault Marlene stopped to talk to him.

"Please can I come?" he pleaded with James, who was the most likely to fold. Sirius could be cold and downright cruel at times, but James typically was at least a bit nicer. It sometimes made Peter on edge when it was just the three of them and sometimes elated since then there was no Remus to hog the spotlight.

"What do you think, Sirius?"

"He'll slow us down.."

But it was my idea!

He wanted to shout at them, not that he ever really got any credit for his ideas. Instead, he just pleaded, saying please again to James who seemed tired and a bit worn out lately, though it was just because he'd be staring in the Quidditch game tomorrow. After that Peter's best friend would practically be a celebrity. Peter was so glad he was James' friend!

"You said I could," he pointed out, perhaps a bit obnoxiously, in desperation as the two taller boys disappeared in the invisibility cloak. For a second he thought they had left without him and without even saying anything to him. But then James' head popped out.

"Fine, but you better not slow us down."

"I won't, I've been practicing." And he sure had. He'd been doing all the embarrassing things James and Sirius told him to in the name of 'training'. "I even…"

"Shhh hurry," Sirius' annoyed sounding disembodied voice cut him off for which Peter was glad. He didn't want to give voice to what he had to do, his cheeks still burned with embarrassment at the remembrance.

He hurried over, the invisibility cloak being thrown over him, it was cramped but cozy if he ignored the occasional accidental elbow thrust or the confusing tangle of feet he better not trip over otherwise they'd never forgive him. They maneuvered their way carefully downstairs and out of the portrait. Peter wondered why they just didn't put the cloak on after they left but he knew better than to question James and Sirius.

So he remained quiet simply following their lead, remaining quiet even as Filch passed inches from bumping them, and even remained quiet as the two argued the quickest way to the hospital wing. But then he saw something and couldn't remain quiet anymore.

"Guys…"

"Shh"

"Peter geez!"

"But…"

"Peter if you get us more detention…"

"Madam Pomfrey," he blurted, beginning to improve in the shortening length of time it took to actually get James and Sirius to listen to him, most days anyway.

"What?" Sirius asked, whirling around trying to find her as if expecting her to be on top of them.

"Where?" James asked a bit calmer though still looking nervous.

"There," he said, letting them follow his finger pointing outside the window showing them part of Hogwarts grounds.

"Why is she outside?"

"No clue."

"Was she taking Remus home or something?"

"No clue," James repeated though he sounded really tense, and Peter wished he knew why.

"I think we're too late," he whispered because he just wanted to go to dinner. But of course, they had to check anyway and of course, Remus wasn't there.

This meant that when they finally made it to the Great Hall for dinner Sirius was already in a bad mood, long before his brother came over looking as hesitant to approach Sirius as anyone with half a brain did when he was glowering like that. Peter kept eating, truly expecting Regulus to turn away, but instead, the boy took a deep breath.

The boy seemed to brace himself as a rather haughty expression came across his face right before he strode over to Sirius not even announcing himself, just grabbing his brother's shoulder. Predictably Sirius jumped and whirled, looking ready to slug someone. With his back now facing Peter, he couldn't see the older Black's expression but figured it only would have warmed slightly if at all at seeing his brother.

"You weren't at the courtyard," Regulus replied, remaining quite calm.

"You ratted us out!' Sirius snapped, not calm at all. This just seemed to make Regulus calmer and Peter surely didn't envy him having to grow up with Sirius Black as his brother.

"You could have been killed."

"Oh, please, you just wanted to get me in trouble," Sirius replied, his tone still cold and angry. Peter didn't personally think that had been Regulus' goal from how nervous he had seemed before approaching Sirius, how guilty he'd even looked.

But now the younger Black wore a haughty sneer that certainly wouldn't help with Sirius' temper.

James was half-turned in his seat glowering at Regulus, so Peter figured he better glower too, not that the younger Black was so much as sparing them a glance.

"Serves you right. When are you going to start behaving like an heir."

"How about never you little toe rag. You can be the heir, happy?"

"I'd make a better one than you!"

"Then you can have it. Now leave me alone and do me a favor and tell stupid Sissy that the damn fucking deal is broken. Get out of my face Regulus, I have to see my terrible family on holidays. I at least deserve a break at school."

It was unmistakable, the hurt that flashed through Regulus' eyes who had no way of knowing how hurt Sirius already was, at least from what Peter could gather from his ranting to James. Regulus also had no idea that they'd just failed once again to figure out whatever was hurting Remus, though Peter doubted even if they knew they could do any good. He found it silly they tried so hard when it was clear Remus didn't want them too, but would never say that.

No, from Regulus' perspective Sirius was just being cruel to be cruel. To be fair Peter figured that could also be the case, that maybe even if Remus hadn't already upset Sirius so much he'd say the same harsh thing anyways, but there really wasn't any way of knowing. Peter wondered if Sirius regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. And wondered if Sirius saw the hurt on his brother's face before it turned into a sneer.

"About time. I grew tired of pampering a spoiled little brat who'd never grow up. My pity only lasts so long 'brother'," Regulus spit out the retort all venom and disdain.

"Sirius, he's not worth it," James cautioned as he grabbed a hold of Sirius' arm, which was good since he had tensed and seemed ready to take a swing at the younger Black.

"Get out of my face Regulus. You've turned into them, you're just like the rest of the filthy lot."

"Better than being like you," Regulus snapped hurt in his eyes once more before he went back to his Slytherin table where he belonged, and James wrestled Sirius' arm trying to convince him not to hex his brother and to wait until the prank.

"Let's do it right after the game," Sirius grumbled and buried his face in his arms refusing to touch his food or say another word to James and Peter until after dinner.

AN: I just wanted to let everyone know how much I've been appreciating all the nice comments <3 <3 <3 ! I also wanted to apologize if it took me a while to reply to some of them AO3 is teeeeeerrible at alerting me to comments. I think I've replied to everyone now but I hope you all know how much I enjoy each and every one of them and when I realize I have new comments I definitely reply ^^.


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven: The First Game

Chapter Forty-Seven: The First Game

Remus wasn't back and James still hadn't looked at a chart of a moon, in fact, he was purposely doing badly in Astronomy for that very reason. He had meant exactly what he said to Sirius about not wanting to handle another nightmare. Only Sirius had been right too. How long had Remus been living with the nightmare? Because even if it wasn't that it was most assuredly something dreadful, and he was suffering it alone? James was being a coward.

It was just... if Remus was a werewolf what good would them knowing about it do? He couldn't think of anything and so kept putting it off. Just until after the first game. At least that was what he kept telling himself to feel better as the days ticked by and he still did nothing.

Then it was his first game and even though he had told Sirius he wasn't nervous he was terrified. James was the best at Quidditch, a natural, good enough to play for the pros one day he was sure, but as several of the older teammates assured him, there was no cure for first game jitters.

"Mate, you gotta eat something," Sirius sighed, shoving the plate of toast back to James who shoved it back again.

"If you two don't eat something you'll feel sick later," Lily scolded though most of her displeasure was aimed at Dorcas, who looked rather green and half-heartedly stirred her spoon around in the unappetizing looking grits.

"They don't get it Dor they just don't get it," James lamented to his fellow teammate, the two of them often walking back together and talking after practices. Dorcas nodded with a grimace and the two of them were able to fight off Sirius and Lily's attempts to get them to eat. Peter even tried feeding him like a baby.

"Leave them be they'll be alright. Better they eat nothing so they don't throw up chunks on the field," Gideon replied unhelpfully, patting both their backs before heading off. He had healed a great deal in only two short days, but James knew their head boy was worried about his injuries getting in the way of them winning.

"Well if you aren't going to eat do you want to go down to the pitch early?" Lily offered sounding at a loss which made her sound considerably less bossy which was therefore an improvement.

"Sure, come on James," Dorcas replied, sounding a bit more chipper at the suggestion.

He followed her, letting Sirius and Peter cheer him and assure him he'd do great. His legs were shaking in far too many directions, that for a second he thought someone had cast a jellylegs jinx on him, before begrudgingly realizing he was just that nervous. Despite that, somehow he and Dorcas managed to get down to the Quidditch pitch where Gideon was waiting with a knowing smile, their brooms waiting for them.

Sometimes he really loved that Gideon Prewitt.

"Take a few laps, realize you still remember how to fly, then come on back and drink some water. Not eating is doable but I won't have either of you passing out on your brooms a few hours from now from dehydration."

James nodded, not thinking he had the wits nor energy to protest even if he wanted to.

"Aye aye," Dorcas called, shooting off into the sky, James not far behind her.

Gideon was right to suggest laps, he really was feeling better up on the broom. Only from up in the air he noticed the added layer to the seats and re-remembered that his first-ever game would be in front of students from other schools and countries as well which he wasn't sure was good or not. It would depend on how he did, he supposed. He imagined doing so well that girls threw themselves on him, only he stopped fantasizing when the faceless girls kept morphing into Lily and he felt his cheeks get red as a result.

"Come on down now you two. Nice landings, don't forget the importance of a good landing at the end of the game whether we win or not alright? You'll be fine and if you aren't then the older students will cover for you. That's what a team does."

"How's your injury?"James heard himself ask though he felt a bit far away, a bit dizzy, and a lot nauseous.

"Good enough, it won't hinder my flying. Listen you two, my first game I was throwing up and crying beforehand, and all the pep-talking in the world from older students didn't help. So go into the locker rooms and do what you need to do. Some of our mates have pre-game rituals to help. Whatever gets you to calm down, do it. I expect you both to not look like seasick acromantulas in an hour. And when you're up on your brooms if you remember nothing else remember this, it doesn't matter if you make a mistake, it matters if you recover from it."

James nodded a bit in awe at Gideon saying 'our mates', implying they too were mates. He also appreciated the subtle reminder that this was nothing compared to almost dying from giant spiders. But even that didn't lift his spirits much and he and Dorcas retreated to the locker rooms. Dorcas pacing white James just sat there hanging his head.

"Psst psst!"

He had been thinking about his dad and what his dad would say to cheer him up when the sound tore him away from the unhelpful pep talk he was sort of giving himself.

"James."

"Sirius?" he asked surprised, though why he should be he wasn't sure since only Remus showed any restraint in taking his cloak whenever.

"Who else?" Sirius laughed, his grinning disembodied head appearing.

"Peter didn't come?"

"Didn't ask. He was talking to Marlene in the common room," Sirius explained, rolling his eyes to show exactly what he thought of that.

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you think you git? You look ready to shit yourself so I brought you something to cheer you up."

James doubted anything could cheer him up but found himself laughing as Sirius produced a squirming maroon and gold Elvis from under his cloak.

"Tadah!"

"He looks ridiculous. Hahaha, he's going to be cheering me on too then?"

"You know it!"

James grinned at Sirius, amazed his friend had somehow cheered him up with a kitten he wasn't even particularly that fond of, though he had to admit Elvis had grown on him. Sirius set Elvis on his lap and the quickly growing kitten pawed at his shorts, giving his hand a little lick as James petted him.

"I'm surprised you let him leave the dorm."

"Only for you. Plus I'll keep him in my arms at all times. Don't you worry, Elvis isn't going anywhere!"

James groaned, making a joke about how that might not be the worst thing, despite both of them knowing he loved Elvis too.

"Do I still look like I'm going to shit myself?"

"Sure do, but don't be too down, I reckon that's just your regular expression."

James elbowed Sirius or tried to, his friend dancing out of the way with a laugh.

"Thanks, Sirius."

"What for?"

"Cheering me up with your stupidity."

"You better not be calling Elvis stupid," Sirius replied in mock anger.

"Nope, just you," James replied cheekily, grinning. Sirius boxed him on the head playfully.

"Just think next year both of us will be in here then it will be your turn to do something stupid to cheer me up. Assuming I'm a scared little baby like you."

James stuck a finger up at Sirius to show him what he thought about that, and the two of them bantered for a bit then just talked, Elvis curled up in James' lap all the while.

"Ok, James how are you?….is that a cat?"

James bit back a grin at Gideon's dumbfounded face.

"You said anything," he replied innocently, glad and amused that Sirius had covered himself in the cloak so fast. Gideon's face made him think that maybe anything hadn't really constituted anything.

"Only if he can be the team's mascot," Gideon said dead serious, though James noticed a playful gleam in his eye and relaxed.

"Of course. His name is Elvis and he's a devilish little thing," he felt Sirius' foot stomp on his, "I mean the sweetest little kitten ever who adores attention."

"He's perfect," Gideon said, looking like he was trying not to outwardly show just how cute he thought Elvis was.

"I mean he's already in our house colors." Again Sirius stomped on his foot! "He's not mine though he's Sirius'." Again a stomp and James finally realized what the problem was. "Only my git of a mate is overly protective so we just have to make sure Sirius gets him before the game officially starts."

"That can be arranged," Gideon replied now grinning as he stroked Elvis' tuft of hair on the top of his head which apparently gave him his name somehow, the curl of hair bouncing slightly as Gideon straightened and cleared his throat.

"I'm going to go check on Dorcas. Good job though James."

"For what?' James asked surprised, wondering if it had something to do with the cat?

"For calming yourself down all by yourself. Shows you'll be a real star one day. Not that I'm surprised with how well you handled yourself in the forest."

James beamed as Gideon left, the game truly seeming less like an event of impending doom, and more like another challenge that someone who survived a swarm of acromantula could easily overcome.

"How come you always get all the glory," Sirius pouted, scooping Elvis away from James protectively.

"Oh come on Sirius! Let me borrow him. I'll never complain about him stealing my socks again."

"He only steals them because they are so wonderfully sweaty and stinky. And for the record, I would have liked to see you actually calm down yourself by yourself."

"Fine, fine, the honor is all yours, you're the best mate ever and I owe you forever," James replied flatly, "now get out before you get me in trouble. Oh, but leave Elvis."

"Fine, you're lucky we're best mates."

"Don't I know it," James replied grinning. He was very very lucky to have the friends he did.

Elvis was a hit with the whole team who thought James was the best for bringing him, even Dorcas who often called him 'arrogant' seemed impressed. Then, when James was shooting out onto the pitch, he realized it wasn't just Peter and Sirius sitting to support him, and the happiness he felt at having the friends he did increased even more.

Huddled in three blankets looking like death, but firmly sitting there, propped between Peter and Sirius in case he collapsed or something, was Remus.

As James shot into the sky to the thousands of fans cheering his name, ok cheering for Gryfindor but same difference, he knew he absolutely had to figure out Remus' secret once the game was over. There might be nothing he could do about it and it would most certainly be a nightmare, but Sirius was right, James really didn't want Remus to have to suffer alone anymore.

...

"And MacMillian swoops through the air with the quaffle and with Vass and Ollaimh, those trolls, right on top of her. Oh but there's a bludger nicely slugged by Gryffindor's newest beater Dorcas Meadows and her aim is true, ouch that's gonna hurt! Meanwhile, Baker is zipping through the sky looking a bit crazed in his pursuit for the snitch followed closely by Turner and golly look at them go. And now..."

Remus tried to focus, feeling dreadful.

Madam Pomfrey was going to kill him, there was no doubt about it. At the very least she'd install locks or a guard or something so he didn't sneak out again. Even with the draught he took which made him sluggish and ebbed some of the pain, his whole body knew what a moron he was being, and it took every chance to reinforce that he was.

He shifted slightly trying to relieve the throbbing pressure on his left ankle only for a jolt of pain to be sent up through his spine. His whole head felt like iron, and he was careful to speak only in a faint whisper, so it wasn't clear his throat was currently damaged from another night of screaming and then howling.

But he had needed to come!

He knew how much this game meant for James, and it made the throbbing and scorching pain worth it because he had somehow made it here and was being a good friend.

A good friend despite his secrets and despite lying to his roommates about where he had been after the first task. It was a good lie he came up with and he must be getting better about lying to them because not even Sirius questioned it later or even brought it up again. Remus was sure he would have if he even suspected there was more to the lie, but they all must really have believed he was showing a student around.

What had actually happened was he had accidentally run into Ryan who looked so eager to hang out with him that Remus didn't have the heart to say no, especially when he noticed the limp the boy had. After they talked for a while on the astronomy tower he had asked Ryan about it but the boy assured him he had just tripped down some stairs. Remus was all too familiar with that tone and knew he was lying, but hadn't pressed the matter since he could tell Ryan was ashamed.

He had also taken the opportunity to talk to Ryan about Regulus and it had taken a great deal of convincing for Ryan to believe the younger Black was actually a decent sort and even more convincing for him to agree to approach the younger boy. Remus wasn't sure how much good it would do but it made him feel better. Besides, Regulus really was decent so if Ryan could get him to hang out with the little band of decent Slytherins it would certainly be a victory.

Overall it had been a nice time, though Remus had known it couldn't last too long because he knew Peter had seen them. Luckily knowing that had given him plenty of time to prepare his defense. Ryan had hugged him goodbye and Remus had retreated to the dorm to write down on the parchment connected to the one his friend had to make sure that Ryan had returned safely.

The two of them wrote back and forth a lot and as hard as Remus tried not to bring up dead parents killed by Voldemort, which he felt extremely guilty for continuing the lie about, Ryan really wanted to talk to Remus about it. Which made sense because he assumed Remus was the only one to understand, but it still made his insides squirm with guilt every time.

However, he let Ryan talk and talk and talk about it, finding he could relate in many ways even if for different reasons. For starters, his mom was actually dead which certainly helped in him understanding the grief, and second, being someone whose parents were killed by Voldemort seemed a great deal akin to being a werewolf in how ostracised he was. Ryan was ignored and teased and harassed, and though he wouldn't outright admit it, terribly bullied.

"Remus, you should lay down. James definitely saw you and he wouldn't want you killing yourself to stroke his ego."

"Mm….I'm...ok…," he mumbled feeling a bit fuzzy, focusing purposely on that fuzziness instead of the pain.

"Suit yourself you stubborn oaf," Sirius sighed irritably but gently tugged one of the blankets that fell off Remus back on him and scooched closer to him to keep him sitting up. Remus slumped a little but managed to stay seated and forced himself to focus on the game.

He couldn't see much but that James was doing very well, he knew that from Sirius' violent whooping. However, Slytherin was also winning by a bit, which he knew from Sirius' dark cursing under his breath and loud jeers anytime a Slytherin flew too close to the 'best house ever."

Peter followed suit in the jeers and cheers meaning that Remus' head, from the sheer volume of the game, actually felt like it was splitting. Madam Pomfrey would find his body in two pieces and tsk at him for letting his head split, or better yet his head hurt so much it would just pop off and he'd be like Nearly Headed Nick, able only to continuously warn younger generations the importance of listening to the matron. He hadn't realized he started giggling through the pain until Sirius gave him a little shake, his face swimming in Remus' vision before finally becoming clear.

"Really, Remus, you look dreadful and…." there was a slight pause in which Sirius pulled a very James move and put his hand to Remus' forehead. "And you're burning up!" he added, sounding very concerned now.

"Focs…..on….game….nd Jms..," Remus explained, proud he didn't slur his words and was able to sound coherent. Because he was fine and wanted to stay until the end. He tried to point at the blur that was James, but his blasted friend wouldn't stay still and he knew he looked a bit funny, his hand floundering around in an attempt to highlight his point before Peter grabbed it gently pushing it back down.

"We should get a teacher, Sirius. I think the Matron might kill us, assuming we were accomplices in this."

"Right you are Peter...oh!"

Remus squinted his eyes wondering if hopefully the oh was because someone caught the blasted snitch and they could all go home. Instead, he heard another voice, well two other voices and he couldn't stop the groan that escaped him.

Anyone but him!

"Might I suggest Mr. Lupin you allow me to escort you to Madam Pomfrey?"

"Please go with him Remus, you must be in a lot of pain….you look dreadful," came Lily's soft pleading which made Remus stop, quite literally, digging his heels into the ground in stubbornness. She knew exactly why he was like this and still the only thing she sounded was concerned, it still awed him. Still truly flabbergasted him! He nodded in reply, the effort sending him toppling, though Peter and Sirius caught him.

"Good grief. Have you got him, professor? He can be a right bludger to handle sometimes."

"Oh I assure you I'll be fine," Professor Corbyn replied mildly, with his usual good-natured tone to his voice. That also made Remus relax, he didn't want to be yelled at on his way to the hospital wing as well as when he arrived there, he didn't think he could survive it. "Alright, Remus I'm going to hoist you out of the seat now so don't be surprised alright?"

"Thanks, Lily."

"Well someone had to do the right thing and you fools certainly weren't."

"He wanted to support James, how was I supposed to tell him no?"

"Easy! Just look at him!"

"Now, now children, focus on the game and stop squabbling," Professor Corbyn interrupted, then, true to his word, grabbed Remus under the armpits and pulled him up and over the seat in a smooth motion. Remus struggled to find his footing as he was set down but somehow managed to follow his professor out to the sincere promises from his friends that they'd come to visit him and that he was a damn good mate for even trying to come. Peter was particularly adamant that he would never have come if he felt as bad as it was clear Remus did.

"Yo…..r good with….kids….," Remus mumbled trying not to feel too nervous as they slowly, and very carefully made their way down the stands and out onto the deserted grounds, that only they accompanied. He tried not to remember the last time he was alone with a DADA professor in a compromising position.

He may not like Professor Corbyn, well more like not like his uncanny ability to show up at the most humiliating times, but he at least had enough trust in him to know he wouldn't kill him.

"Well, I do think that's an important part of being a teacher."

"Your own?" Remus asked the comment their professor had made about his own children way back when he had first met him still surprising to him. Professor Corbyn chuckled.

"Ah, you caught me. I'm afraid I don't actually have any. I simply find if you don't say you do that parents are a lot less likely to listen to what you have to say regarding their children or children in general. Now focus on walking Remus," he instructed, sounding serious…., and concerned as well, Remus realized with a stab of guilt.

It sure would be nice if one day he could stop causing so much trouble for everyone.


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight: Broken Barriers

Chapter Forty-Eight: Broken Barriers

Blessedly his Professor didn't have the heart to scold or lecture him on the way to Madam Pomfrey's. They walked in silence, but since Remus really had to focus on each step, both so as not to fall and not to reveal how much pain he was in, he couldn't really tell where they were going.

"REMUS LUPIN!" Madam Pomfrey shouted, understandably and predictably irate. She bustled over to him pulling him into a hug which made his already sore body scream in protest. "You worried me. I was about to go chase you down. I should have known you'd be at the game. Don't you dare do that again! Do you hear me?"

Remus nodded truly not planning to; both since James would never have a 'first game' again and because how much pain he was currently in made it obvious it hadn't been a good idea.

"Sorry Pomfrey...," he mumbled, coming across chastised and as guilty as he felt. Professor Corbyn put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Now Poppy go easy on the lad. He was supporting his friend and..."

"I don't care if he was defeating Voldemort! He knows better! I tell him to stay in bed several days for a reason!" she hollered not backing down in her level of irritation. Remus flinched at her loud tone painfully close to his ear, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I understand but it must be hard for him. You can't be so mad at him for attempting to live out a normal childhood."

"You sound a great deal like Dumbledore. I understand the sentiment but the practicality is that he can't have a normal childhood and it's best he accepts that now before it hurts more later."

Remus was aware that the conversation they were having was an important one but his head was hammering, and being in the safety of the hospital wing he stopped fighting himself. He collapsed into the matron's arms who caught him, letting out a huff of "see what I mean", before he blacked out completely.

...

"Remus, Remus look what I found," came the shrill cry of a blond-haired blue-eyed child who nearly tripped in his rush to reach him.

"What is it?" he asked, looking up from his very serious business of making a sandcastle. He stopped pushing sand into lumps though, letting the last grains trickle through his little fingers in awe. "Is that a…."

"Yep!" chirped the sunshine boy excitedly, a broad grin stretching across his face. The four-year-old gave a little excited jump and his squeal was met by Remus' who reached out to take the object assuring his bestest friend in the whole world that he was the coolest. Then out of nowhere, a hand grabbed his wrist roughly filling him with a lead feeling of guilt that made him start crying, loudly.

"Bad boys deserved to be punished," came the gravelly tone, deep and raw. Unnatural, ...predatory.

Run! Run!

Remus tried to run to his little self but it was like an invisible barrier prevented him and he watched helplessly, unable to stop the strange mix of dream and memory that clashed within him like a storm.

"I'm sorry I won't do it again I'm sorry," the little Remus wailed and Remus slammed his fists against the barrier willing it to break. This was a dream and he had control! He could stop this, he had to stop this. He watched as Greyback, face no longer hidden in shadow, lifted him up effortlessly by his arm letting his little body dangle. A smile stretched across the man's face who seemed to delight in the little child's pleading mewlings for his mother.

Remus forced himself to keep watching though all he wanted to do was collapse into a huddle and sob. Each of the man's teeth was filed into a point, and Remus felt like gagging at the painfully familiar man who looked more beast than human.

"What a delicious little snack you'll make," the man with hair to his waste growled, his other hand grabbing little Remus' other arm as if deciding whether or not to rip the little boy in two. Those.. scary monster-like eyes were looking at the little boy as if he really would sink those sharp teeth into his flesh, and Remus let out a strangled scream that burst from deep within him, this time his fists bursting through the barrier, glass shards flying everywhere!

"RUN!" he screamed, but as soon as the barrier broke, little him was gone and Greyback turned to look at him, right at him.

"Still a delicious little snack~," Greyback called in a deep taunting voice that threatened to tug on the edge of remembering something for Remus. Suddenly the little boy with sunshine golden hair, who had seemed frozen in place, a smile still on his carefree features, crumpled to the ground.

"NOOOOO!" he screamed falling to the ground as he tripped over himself in his rush to get to the boy. Only he hadn't tripped on his feet but on something soft and squishy that he was now pressed against. Feeling dizzy and wrong, his hand felt what he was on top of and he backed away with a hysterical scream ripping painfully out of him from deep in his throat. He jerked wildly as if that could take away the fact that he was staring at his hand in utter horror, the insane sounding screams echoing like a siren into the night sky, a sky where high up the moon seemed to be judging him. He shook his hand trying to put as much distance away from it and his own body as he could, knowing deep down he couldn't get away from his hand now covered in blood from the tiny bleeding body spilled on the ground in front of him.

"NO NO NO NOOOOOO NO NO NOOOOOO!"

"Only the strong survive Remus, don't forget that little pup."

"NOO NO NO NOOOO," he screamed, his throat a deep raw pain that he ignored, falling away from the bodies that had morphed into his friends' covered in blood, lifeless eyes staring blankly up at him, deep deep gashes across their bodies like a monster had tried to tear them to pieces.

"I won't let you escape this time my little snack~,"

"NOOOOOO!" he wailed, clawing his way out of the terrible nightmare with a muffled dry sob as something within him seemed to shatter into a million pieces much as the barrier he hadn't even been previously aware of had done.

...

For a second he lay paralyzed, thinking he was still in the nightmare, staring up at a concerned face with sunshine hair and blue eyes.

"No," he moaned pitifully, tears threatening to come streaming down his cheeks. It wasn't until the face peering down at him pulled back abruptly that Remus realized he wasn't dreaming anymore.

"Are you ok?" came a badly shaken up voice he recognized, though he should have known who he was looking at as soon as he saw him.

"Ryan I'm sorry!" he gasped unsure how to feel about the Slytherin who quickly sat back, fidgeting in the little chair set aside for guests. He jumped slightly at hearing Remus speak and gave him a wide nervous grin, eyes still full of concern.

"No, I'm sorry...I...I figured I should give you a shake and wake you up….you were...uh flailing….you seemed distressed..."

"I'm sorry," Remus replied feeling hopelessly foolish, pressing a hand to his pounding head, only to jerk back with a strangled noise before realizing the wet substance on his hand was sweat, not blood.

"I saw you being towed off by our Professor Corbyn. I thought….maybe…."

Sorrow filled the boy's eyes, his hands wringing his robe tightly into coils.

"Maybe what?" Remus asked in confusion forcing himself up a little more, pointedly ignoring the stab it sent through him. He hoped he didn't look as bad as he felt.

"Umm…..that someone else had died?….. I couldn't tell what was wrong only that you looked off…," Ryan gave one of his self-deprecating laughs Remus was becoming familiar with before continuing. "I see now you're just sick but my mind just sort of jumped to conclusions so I quickly...trailed after you."

He looked at Remus guiltily as if expecting to be berated for doing so. Remus mentally shook away the last faint traces of the now foggy nightmare he couldn't quite remember and smiled at his friend, though seeing his dirty torn robes and bloody knee made it extra hard to smile.

He knew Ryan would say he 'just tripped' just as much as he knew the boy had no doubt been purposely tripped as he left the game. He bit back a heavy sigh not wanting Ryan to feel worse as he explained to the boy he really was just sick and no one, that he knew of, had died.

"Oh good," Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, his smile broadening, though it still looked a bit sad to Remus who was slowly getting better at reading Ryan. "Guess I should get going before your friends find me here. Don't wanna cause trouble for you and I reckon the game is over by now."

"Alright but…...be careful Ryan," he replied, unable to help but hint at the terrible bullying Ryan was subjected to on what seemed to be an increasing basis. Ryan gave a shrug and grinned again.

"Don't worry I'm tougher than I look. Write to me when you're better?"

"Sure, we still have to properly go over the Muggle towns attacked to see if there's a pattern."

There wouldn't be one, it was an utterly useless endeavor, but it made Ryan feel better to at least pretend he was doing something to thwart Voldemort so Remus humored him over it. And truly part of him felt a bit better at doing something too...at pretending to solve a problem that somehow seemed more manageable than his own, only because the Voldemort problem seemed much much farther away. Though he knew it wasn't the same distance away for Ryan so he really tried to help him any way he could, even if it meant hours of boring and rather depressing research into Voldemort's attacks.

"Wait till Remus hears we won! James, you're brilliant you were just brilliant!"

"Yeah mate, I think some of the first years passed out in awe."

"Of course the seeker was…."

"Awww shuttit Pettigrew. Far as I'm concerned I'm the most cheered player on the team."

"Oh yes of course James I didn't mean…."

Suddenly the three of them appeared around the corner and Remus' heart hammered loudly in his chest. Ryan hadn't been fast enough to leave, the boy spinning this way and that trying to find a decent place to hide but all he had come up with was diving under Remus' bed at the last minute, and for a second Remus was sure his other friends had spotted him.

"Remus! You're awake jolly good. We're the victors!" Sirius cheered quite obnoxiously and in a strange accent.

James elbowed him and jumped up and down in excitement explaining that he had wanted to tell him, only to launch into recounting every detail. Remus nodded along and tried not to look too tired, aware of Sirius' scrutinizing gaze that kept landing on him. Once James finished a much more dramatic account, at least based on what Remus remembered, he seemed to re-realize where they were.

"Blimey, Remus you still look dreadful. Has the matron given you soup yet? And here, you really need to bundle up when you're sick," James scolded nearly suffocating Remus with six blankets that he charmed to land atop him. Remus spluttered that he was fine and that he didn't need that many blankets. However, James was still going on and on about how Remus ought to eat better and just take better care of himself so he didn't get sick so often and clearly hadn't heard his faint protests.

"Geez, James lay off him, you're quite literally suffocating him! Sorry, Remus, he's been a bit touched in the head since the game ended."

"Acting more like Sirius than himself," Peter piped up as if that was the best explanation.

"Yeah and...hey! I am not….not…..," Sirius spluttered face going red with indignation.

"A tittering mess hovering around Remus all the time," James mumbled, sounding amused, and Sirius stepped on his foot in retaliation, though the boy still sweaty in his Quidditch uniform didn't seem to notice.

Remus frowned, there certainly was something... off... about James lately.

"Did something happen with Lily?" he asked, making James' face go dark red and a more normal expression appear on his face.

"Why would you even bring her up? I…"

"No, but good guess. I think he just has so much bottled energy that he's going crazy."

"Or maybe he just really has to use the loo."

They all looked, with varying degrees of bafflement, at Peter who blushed a little at his suggestion and shrugged.

"James, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Course nothing is wrong we won! I mean it's after the first game now... which means….well you know what it's fine. I just can't wait to go to the party! But seriously Remus you need to take better care of yourself," he ranted, speaking fast and appearing a great deal more Lily-like with his rapid talking than James-like. Sirius laughed and slapped James on the back.

"That's right we did win so stop scrunching up your face like you ate something bad. Maybe you weren't the hero of the game but you didn't do half bad," Sirius exclaimed jovially, and whatever thoughts had been causing James to seem oddly nervous halted immediately as he rounded on Sirius throwing him into the headlock.

"How dare you! I was the hero of the game. I single-handedly brought us to victory!" he roared defiantly and Remus winced at their loud volume, always just a bit painful to him after the full moon but especially so this soon after a full moon. He tried to follow their banter back and forth but he was tired and his thoughts kept drifting to poor Ryan hiding under his bed.

"Owww ow OW! You ugly bugger let go of me!" James shouted, now trying to throw Sirius onto the floor. Peter, also hyper from the Quidditch game, tried to join in only to be accidentally shoved by Sirius who was still rambunctiously fighting off James. Stumbling back Peter crashed into the little stand by Remus' bed jostling both his bed and causing the pile of books he permanently had here to crash to the floor, loud enough to bring the matron running.

"You boys...!" she began looking positively irate.

"Now Poppy, before you begin we have a very reasonable explanation for this," Sirius began with his most charming look, batting his eyelids at the matron whose glare was spread evenly throughout the three of his friends. Remus knew that with her already not pleased attitude from him escaping her care earlier, his friends didn't really stand a chance against her at the moment.

"Out! OUT! Potter, Black, Pettigrew if I catch you disturbing my patient again I will have Minverva assign you a week load of detentions, a week load!" she roared and Peter didn't wait to scurry out before she had even properly finished her angry threat.

"Honestly, at least that other boy was quiet," she huffed to herself flicking her wand to reposition the books on Remus' bedside table, shooting him a disapproving look for good measure as well.

Madam Pomfrey no!

He dared a glance at Sirius and James who were still pushing their luck by dragging their feet, no doubt wanting to give Remus a 'proper goodbye' and probably assure him they'd save him snacks from the party. Only his two friends weren't looking at him any longer and were exchanging a glance between them that left no room for speculation on whether they had caught what the matron said.

James looked uncharacteristically nervous again while Sirius turned an accusing look to Remus opening his mouth to say something.

"I said OUT! I am not joking now shoo both of you shoo," Madam Pomfrey snapped waving a rag as if she was considering whacking the petulant boys with it. They both retreated but Remus could feel Sirius' piercing gaze on him as he left and a very heavy sigh escaped him, which Madam Pomfrey took to be directed at her, unfortunately.

"Now don't start with me Mr. Lupin. You know they work you up too much. Goodness is it too much to ask for you to simply take care of yourself you foolish boy," she huffed, shaking her head and not letting him answer before bustling out again. Remus sighed again and almost a whole minute of silence stretched before Ryan wriggled his way out from under the bed.

"Well... that was….umm...well...they sure are loud aren't they?" he offered a weak laugh shifting from foot to foot in his now slightly dusty robes, his cheeks a bit red.

"That they are but they really are good mates….most of the time," he added not looking forward to the newest topic for the game 'interrogate Remus' they now had.

Ryan still seemed a bit awkward, both of them realizing Remus' other friends now knew about a mystery friend even if they didn't know who that friend was. Remus could just imagine them daring to not completely leave the hospital ward and interrogate Madam Pomfrey for details. He bitterly hoped they got a detention for their trouble, well not really, but their nosiness did bother him.

"I should probably get going since I think the matron would be angry with you if she found out you smuggled in another person," Ryan half-joked, his shoulders rising in a half-hearted shrug.

"I didn't smuggle you in, besides she'll leave me alone for a bit, wants me to sleep and all. So you can stay...if you want to anyways," Remus added, catching himself before he let himself imply that Ryan wanted to stay in his company since it was much more likely he didn't want to.

"Oh, well... I should leave so you can sleep then. Don't want you getting sicker."

Remus bit back a sigh not particularly wanting to be alone with his thoughts at the moment, since he had unfortunately just remembered Professor Corbyn's response and realized his professor definitely knew about him. But not wanting to pressure Ryan further he simply nodded.

"Ok, thanks for stopping by to check on me," Remus replied giving his friend a sincere smile. Ryan's cheeks went a bit pinker and he nodded turning to leave only to stop dead.

"...OH…..,"

Remus turned his head, confused by the strangled sound Ryan had admitted.

"Ryan what's wr….. OH!"

Sirius stood in the doorway, a confused look on his face, the invisibility cloak he had no doubt worn to sneak back in here held behind his back, to protect the quite badly protected secret of its identity.

"You're the kid from the train. Why are you here?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"It's fine Sirius, Ryan is my friend," he explained before Sirius could come to some sort of conclusion that Ryan was bullying him and do something stupid as a result.

"Oh….well that's fine then. Why hide it?"

"Because he's a Slytherin!" James called accusingly rushing in from the hall breathlessly, closing the door behind him quickly.


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine: Found Out

Chapter Forty-Nine: Found Out

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked surprised and James gestured to him in frustration, the git.

"I told you that you should have waited for me. You need to stop stealing my…." he trailed off luckily catching himself in front of this stranger, a Slytherin stranger. Remus was staring at them with worry in his wide eyes and James swallowed down the painful feeling in his chest.

It's after the first game now...

"How did you not get caught by the matron?" Sirius asked, and he forced himself to focus on his thief of a friend with a proud smile.

"Had Peter fake that he was throwing up, he's got a real talent for it," he explained snatching the invisibility cloak back from Sirius before he could stupidly show it off to the Slytherin who looked as nervous as Remus, complete with his own set of wide eyes and everything.

"I...should go," Ryan mumbled and took a tentative step only for both Sirius and James to block the door.

"Guys let him go," Remus sighed, sounding weary.

"I really judge your sanity sometimes Remus Lupin," James tsked shaking his head. Honestly, Severus was bad enough, and James knew the only reason Remus even talked to Snivellus was because Lily dragged the little toe rag everywhere so that he was unfortunately hard to avoid.

But wanting to be in the same room with a Slytherin, no, admitting a Slytherin was your friend, well that was just unacceptable!

"So do I Remus! I mean come on! Do you want to get thrown out of another window? Why are you consulting with the enemy?" Sirius exclaimed angrily, throwing up his hands in frustration.

Well, there went James' last traces of triumphant feeling that had come from winning his first-ever game.

Only even that had been soured by the fact that now James would have to figure out the truth once and for all about Remus, especially after his poor friend had come to his game despite feeling so bad. He needed to not be a coward so Remus at least wouldn't be so alone.

He found himself wondering if Remus hanging out with Slytherins was part of being a dark creature, like two dark forces attracting one another, but that was completely mental since Remus wasn't dark. Well not really, although the stormy look in his friend's eyes currently seemed a bit dark.

"Ryan is different can you two please be mature about this," Remus replied coolly, his tone equal parts nervous and annoyed.

"We are always mature," Sirius retorted, sounding offended.

"Every single day," James confirmed, glancing at Sirius whose expression was definitely dark.

"Look….I….I don't agree with a lot of things in my house and Remus and I bonded over…." Ryan glanced at Remus whose eyes were still locked with Sirius' with a sort of intensity that confused James. "...shared experiences….," he concluded.

"What shared experiences?" Sirius asked frustratedly and James felt a stab of fear. Were they both werewolves? If...if Remus was a werewolf. Which he most definitely was…., no he meant was not, was not!

"Sirius please just give him a chance, I actually think you'd all get along,"

"Lies!" James cried out dramatically since there was no way he'd ever be caught dead being friends with a Slytherin. It was bad enough maybe possibly being friends with a werewolf, only that was confusing because maybe werewolves weren't all that bad? Even if he was willing to change his beliefs on dark creatures for Remus' sake he would Never Ever change his beliefs on slimy little Slytherins! He had standards after all.

"You must have a fever or something Remus. This guy is clearly tricking you. No, Slytherin can be good."

Ryan who had looked nervous and subdued before sprung forward in anger whipping his wand out to ensue violence. Typical Slytherin.

So what if maybe Sirius' wand had been out first, it was still typical of a Slytherin and James didn't hesitate to draw his own wand, glaring daggers at the boy.

"Stop!" Remus shouted in a far too hoarse voice, the quiet volume of which would have been completely unhelpful in actually stopping curses from flying, only he had also attempted to get off the bed and had collapsed as a result, sending both Ryan and Sirius rushing to his side.

"Are you ok?" they asked in mirrored slightly high pitched tones of concern, both hovering near Remus unsure how to help.

Remus coughed and coughed his whole body shaking with the effort and a wheezing sound escaped him, which James had begun to understand, from Peter's explanation on the topic, was the sound that meant Remus was panicking.

Wishing he hadn't used Peter as a distraction he tried to remember what Peter had said about how to calm down panicking, only all he could remember was his friend breaking off into complaining about his little sibling instead.

Sirius though seemed to remember and his voice dropped into a whispered attempt to get Remus to calm down.

"Come on….. breathe….you...got to breathe….come on...Remus...," Sirius stammered, awkward in his attempt to help. Remus finally managed to inhale properly raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

"Sorry..." he replied quietly, his voice sounding hoarse.

"Are you feeling better now Remus?" Ryan asked and James scowled having forgotten about the fourth boy in his panic about Remus' panic. Sirius gave Ryan a little shove.

"Get away from him, this is your fault."

"No...it's not...Sirius stop…."

"If anything it's your guys' fault. Typical close-minded arrogant asshole Gryffindors," Ryan retorted defensively his bright blue eyes cold as ice.

"Ryan stop….please...both of you just... stop," Remus murmured pleadingly and the two boys by his side fell quiet to appease him, though it didn't prevent either of them from shooting glares at one another over Remus' head who was still stooped over on the ground. James bit his lip torn between outrage that a Slytherin would dare talk back to them and concern if they started arguing they'd cause Remus more pain.

"Have the Slytherin leave then we can talk."

"I was here first!"

"I was his friend first!"

"Not all that great of a friend if he hasn't told you anything yet!"

James' mouth fell open and Sirius recoiled like he'd been slapped. Ryan went pale making a choking sound as it became apparent he really messed up, though James had to wonder if he really knew...knew that.

"I just….meant that…...that…Remus I'm so sorry."

"Ryan please leave," Remus whispered his face hidden in his knees as he curled himself into a small ball. Good, Remus was making the right choice after all. Ryan's face fell more.

"Remus I'm sorry I didn't mean….I only…"

"Please just leave…." Remus whispered and only someone who was heartless would argue with such a tearful broken plea. James was a little disappointed Ryan didn't argue or even look angry, but that still didn't mean he wasn't heartless.

"Suck it Slytherin," he whispered and gave Ryan a well-timed shove sending him falling heavily into the doorframe. James expected at least a glare as a result but instead saw tears in Ryan's eyes as he closed the door with a trembling hand.

Weirdo, he thought to himself, ignoring the hint of guilt he felt since he wasn't going to feel guilty over some stinky Slytherin, and that was final.

"Remus are you alright?" Sirius asked gently now sitting next to Remus a hand hovering uncertainly by his shoulder.

"Now you two need to go," Remus replied, voice a bit less broken sounding now, though he flinched and shrugged off Sirius' hand quickly.

"We aren't the bad guys Remus," James began but Sirius shot him a look that for a second James didn't understand but then got with more than some irritation and reluctance. But Sirius kept giving him that pointed look and Remus looked small and hurt and James knew he wouldn't actually be any help.

"Fine," he sighed leaving Sirius and Remus alone with a stab of envy.

They were both his best mates but the two of them….there was something else he couldn't quite place about their friendship which must be because they both had sucky families as that was the only option that made any sense. Feeling defeated he retreated from the hospital ward leaving Peter's exaggerated retching sounds behind.

He didn't realize what he was about to do until he entered the common room, the party in full swing. However, he did something completely unlike himself and ignored the party, going upstairs quickly and throwing himself onto his bed digging out his astronomy book. Feeling sick he opened to the chart of the moon phases then went to Sirius' bed scooping up Elvis for emotional support as he pulled the crumpled sheet of paper keeping track of when Remus' disappearances were from his friend's pillow. He tried to focus on the soft purrs of the kitten rather than his hammering heart as he went back to his bed smoothing the sheet of paper so he could begin to decipher Sirius' messy scrawl.

With each date of Remus' disappearance that matched with a full moon his heart sunk lower and lower. He got to the end of the list hoping against hope for just one date to not add up and therefore prove he was indeed mental to consider one of his best mates turned into a savage beast once a month. But there was no discrepancy and James couldn't deny the truth any longer. Slamming the book shut and throwing it disgustedly into his bag again he stormed downstairs.

"Ayyyyy James!"

"Woooo wonderful job kicking the Slytherins arses!"

Normally he would have basked in such praise, especially since it was coming from older students. But right now he hardly cared about that and ignored the older boys, not realizing where he was planning to go until he found himself marching over to Lily who was standing with Dorcas, a small smile on her soft features, the sun hitting her hair at just the right angle to make it appear like fire. James stared at her for a moment stopping his trajectory toward her and breathed in a shaky breath, she seemed to bring some light back into what was supposed to be a fantastic day.

Focus!

But she was really beautiful, how come he didn't realize that last year? She had only been an annoyance last year, someone to compete against and argue with. While it was still fun to argue with her nowadays it left a sort of fluttery sensation in his stomach he didn't quite yet completely understand.

"Potter, I won't compliment you on the game so you can just….what's wrong?" she asked her briskly annoyed tone petering off when James found he didn't even have the energy to smirk at her, and he did greatly enjoy smirking at her.

"Can I….talk to you?" he asked, aware his tone sounded as if they had lost their first game, which would have warranted such a sad tone. Lily's eyes narrowed suspiciously, both girls and boys had ceased pranking each other but it was a hesitant truce, never actually verbally agreed upon, and James quite liked how spirited Lily was as she told him flat out if this was a trick he'd regret it. However, with a warning glare, she did give in and followed him up the stairs and away from the noise.

"James I am not going into your room so you can lie and tell everyone we snogged," she huffed as James opened the door to the empty dorm. That was actually a good idea which he probably would have made use of if he wasn't so preoccupied with a terrible truth he didn't want to admit.

"I…..I know about Remus," he muttered since there was really nothing else to say. He watched Lily's gorgeous eyes narrow slightly, her gaze trying to determine whether this was a ploy. She crossed her arms over her chest, a strand of hair falling against her cheek which she ignored.

"I...I don't at all know what you mean," she retorted stiffly, truly a horrendous liar.

"I know that he's a….."

"Shut up Potter!" she hissed grabbing his arm, which usually would have made him giddy, and yanked him into the empty dorm room. "Someone could have overheard us," she explained, perhaps her thoughts also immediately jumped to when she had kissed his cheek what seemed like forever ago.

"I know what he is….I figured it out after the game…..I….didn't want….don't want to believe it…."

"Why not?" Lily asked her tone hard and quiet, dangerously quiet.

"...What if Sirius won't stay his friend? What do I do Lily? I'm not good at breaking up arguments like Remus and I wouldn't know what to do if they fought. They're both my best mates. I couldn't possibly pick one over the other and I…."

"James how do you feel about it?" she asked breaking him off from his rather embarrassing stream of anxious words. He wasn't used to feeling this way, feeling this uncertain.

He hated it!

"I…... I don't know….I grew up….well they're dark creatures that are... definitely bad...but Remus….well he's Remus….I don't…I want to understand...I don't want to hurt him." He was stuttering again, sounding more like bumbling Peter than himself.

He should be elated right now, partying it up with the team and gloating about the victory, his victory. Instead, he was alone with Lily, and not in the way that would make this day better, they weren't even bantering nor was she remotely annoyed in that cute way of hers he loved to see. Plus, he was so worried about his friends he couldn't even focus on a way to woo Lily. Instead, he was acting like a tosser. Stupid friends.

"Have you talked to Professor Corbyn yet? I think he might be helpful. Also, Sirius doesn't know yet right? So we can try to persuade him. It will be alright James you won't lose your friends over this," she replied kindly with a consoling hand on his shoulder, her soft-looking lips turned down just slightly in a cute little pout. Her eyes glittered with determination and James knew he really did have a crush on Lily, bollocks. But that was ok because she definitely had one on him too, he just had to make her realize it.

"Thanks, Lily," he replied quietly, still unable to shake the disheartened feeling he felt, perhaps a bit over being excluded from Sirius and Remus' occasional private talks. Or maybe just because Lily hadn't told him he was mental and that Remus clearly wasn't a werewolf. Now he knew, now he really knew without a shadow of a doubt and that was even more confusing than just suspecting had been.

"I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it to help Remus," she declared in a huff, her cheeks slightly pink, then more than slightly pink as she caught his eye.

"Lily I….." He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say. 'I love you' seemed a bit much, 'your eyes are like labyrinths I can get lost in', seemed too cheesy. So instead he shut his mouth feeling even more like an idiot than before.

He was supposed to be a Gryffindor, dammit!

"Come on Potter you sulking is rather irritating. Out of all the days where it might be a bit understandable for you to be an arrogant toe rag today is the day."

He found his smirk at last, a weight being lifted off his shoulders because Lily also knew and Lily was brilliant and would figure out what to do. He should have talked to her weeks ago, and not just about Remus.

"I think I might just let you go to the Yule Ball with me after all Lily Evans, You're one lucky girl," he said and she scowled letting off a string of insults which amused him and he chased her back down the stairs listing his good qualities loudly, which one day she'd come to appreciate and then she'd go out with him. Only by the elbow, she drove into his side when he got to close he knew it might be awhile.

Still, Lily Evans was perfect and was worth it, even if she was a bit of a bossy know it all sometimes.


	50. Chapter Fifty: A Date to the Dance

Chapter Fifty: A Date to the Dance

"We only have two more weeks! And Dumbledore won't even let us stay at the dance very long even if we do find dates."

"And why exactly do we have to have a date to go?" James asked in a moody tone as he slammed his quill against the parchment. He wrote in small lettering 'December 11, Ask Lily out again today. The new plan is...,' only to crumple the piece of paper and throw it at Sirius who was gesturing wildly to two shy Hufflepuff first-year girls.

"Hey, gorgeous wanna go to the dance with me? First years aren't allowed to go unless an older student goes with them."

James watched as Sirius weathered another round of rejection, one of the girls shyly telling him she already had a 'date' while the other just giggled at him pulling her friend away.

"Are they mental? They must be mental!" Sirius lamented throwing himself against the pillar hand to his head in a dramatic swooning gesture.

"Possibly, I mean I know I could get a date but you're not bad for second best," he teased ducking as Sirius chucked his book at him in what he claimed was 'bludger practice'. They laughed at each other but when Sirius turned back to hunting down a date like a beggar, James sighed feeling defeated. He only really wanted to go to the dance with Lily but he couldn't tell Sirius that. The whole thing was dumb since as second years they could only stay for the first two hours of the dance anyways! Although that was more than enough time to spend dancing now that he thought about it.

"This is so stupid why can't we go to the dance without a date?"

"Because the professors don't want little trouble makers like you freaks wreaking havoc," Narcissa Black pointed out, striding up to Sirius with Regulus in tow, the young boy becoming more like a haughty sneering Slytherin everytime James saw him. Sirius scowled, his dramatic lamenting turning immediately into a cold demeanor as he regarded his evil relatives.

James knew Sirius hadn't talked to Regulus alone since before the First Task and as a result, he and Sirius had been relentless in their pranking of Slytherins, though they were saving their best idea for a dramatic moment.

"Well I'm going to get a date then I'll go and I'll make sure to put a dung bomb under your chair," Sirius retorted quickly, sounding as shaken as he always did upon Narcissa appearing out of nowhere. With good reason too, since Sirius' evil parents had left the decision of if Sirius could stay at Hogwarts for Christmas break to Narcissa, to who they had apparently contributed the lack of detentions Sirius received to.

"Telling me that defeats the purpose you idiot," Narcissa sighed, with her superior attitude James hated. "But yes you will have a date. I have several candidates picked for you once you stop acting like a little baby," she replied calmly enough though there was a slight lift to her lips which made James suspect the candidates would be the worse type of pureblood filth.

"I'd rather die than go with a Slytherin," Sirius snapped back, though he had deflated some, and James wished Remus was here even if things had been distant between them lately. He never knew what to do with Sirius' family who he had been made to promise he wouldn't hex. Not that Sirius didn't want them to be hexed, only if he did end up not catering to Narcissa's wishes he'd go home for winter break, and then he'd pay for whatever havoc they had caused so far this year. Understanding this now, James left what trouble they got into up to Sirius who got to decide if it was 'worth it'.

"Not a Slytherin. She's a Ravenclaw. Do you really think a Slytherin would go with you even if you are a Black...in name only," she replied coolly, her nose crinkling in disgust and Regulus let out a laugh shooting Sirius a haughty look.

"Yeah, Sirius is a Black by name only because he isn't evil," James retorted, unable to stand the helpless pained look that had flashed across his friend's face. He really, really hated Sirius' family.

"Oh shut up you blood traitor," Narcissa huffed in the dismissive tone she'd taken to adopting when James was with Sirus who he'd taken to tailing since she showed up so often lately to pester him. James clenched his fist, since the pompous bitch didn't even glance at him, and it really pissed him off. "Now when you are ready to act your age the perfectly nice young lady is...willing to give you a shot."

"Probably some kind of Voldemort supporting bint," Sirius scowled and Regulus opened his mouth angrily but a hand from Narcissa caused it to shut quickly as he lowered his head. Sirius sure was right about his brother, he was a massive suck up.

"Not that whether she's a supporter of the Dark Lord or not should matter but she isn't. For the last time Sirius I am trying to help you, you ungrateful git. If you want to go home and have your mother to answer to then be my guest. Come along Regulus we have other things to attend to that are more worthy of our attention," she sighed, shaking her head as if she had been forced to deal with stupid little children.

"Well...well...you're just being bitchy because you aren't going with Malfoy who's been snogging other girls!" Sirius yelled after her spitefully and James sighed, grabbing his friend's arm whose face was dark red tears glistening in his eyes. If Narcissa heard Sirius she didn't react, but then again everyone in the school knew that despite Malfoys soon to be official engagement to Narcissa, or maybe because of it, he had been flaunting his brand new girlfriend who glued herself to his face constantly and who wasn't Narcissa.

"I hate her, I hate him, I hate them!" Sirius screamed flailing himself like a mad man shaking his limbs and letting out another loud scream. James waited for him to be done, still uncomfortable with the technique Sirius' uncle had taught him to do when it was all too much.

"AHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHH!"

James watched Sirius scream with a frown, he really wished Remus was here, he'd know what to say. But if Remus was here James probably wouldn't be able to look him in the eye. Luckily everyone contributed James' awkwardness around Remus either to his relationship with Lily or the recent betrayal of Remus having a Slytherin friend.

Well, Remus used to have one. Sirius had apparently talked sense into him and now Remus was no longer Ryan's friend. But while James was usually the one telling Sirius he was overreacting when it came to Remus it was not fun to be on the receiving end of the advice as Sirius didn't actually have one clue about why he was actually being so awkward to Remus.

It's not like he hated Remus, it was just...weird. He wanted to talk to Remus about it and figured things would be better if he could. But he couldn't, both because he had no idea how to and if Sirius knew he had found out before him...well... it wouldn't go well.

Besides he wasn't sure at all what to say to his poor friend. So instead he just kept trying to express his approval for Professor Corbyn which had also worn on Sirius' already trying patience with him. So the past few weeks had included some tense arguments with Sirius, some very awkward moments with Remus, and trying not to punch Peter who had successfully gotten Marlene to go to the dance with him- even if she told everyone that it didn't mean she was dating him.

"AHHHHHHH."

"Bloody hell Sirius, what are you doing?" asked Gideon, making Sirius stop short cheeks going red. There hadn't been any late-night adventures to the forest since Patricia was so worn out from more detentions than could possibly be fair. However, Gideon checked in on them from time to time and hinted another adventure would be coming up soon for them which James wasn't entirely sure how he felt about.

"He just talked to Narcissa," James explained.

"Ahh, now I understand. Well don't let me stop you," called the coolest head boy to ever walk the halls of Hogwarts. There couldn't possibly ever be a cooler head boy, that was just fact!

"That's alright...I'm done now," Sirius sighed heavily, and James stopped freaking out internally about Gideon and went over to his friend draping a consoling arm around his shoulders.

"We'll figure something out mate."

"But we won't," Sirius replied, shrugging away from James since he was still upset at him for being what was perceived as cold to Remus. Well maybe he was being a bit cold, but only because he didn't know what to do. Of course, Sirius also shrugged him off since James was seen as being a traitor by even attempting to be open minded to Professor Corbyn's 'rubbish'.

"Just go with her and ditch her as soon as you get to the dance," he instructed and Sirius gave him a disbelieving look.

"You dumbass I'd be murdered if I did that to a potential suitor. You just don't snub them, even if they are dull and ugly," Sirius muttered sounding as if this came from personal experience and James heaved a heavy sigh.

"It was just a suggestion," he explained pointedly, not at all understanding this suitor crap, even if he was from a pureblood family himself.

"Yeah, I know….I just….I'd actually have to be nice to her and even if she isn't a troll, Narcissa picked her for me so how can I possibly be nice to her," Sirius lamented despairingly.

"Good point. There's got to be someone else we can go with. If only Lily wasn't going with Remus."

Even knowing they were going as friends he couldn't keep the dark edge out of his voice. He knew Lily liked him, as a star Quidditch player how couldn't she. So why wouldn't she just go with him? It was a bit confusing when he tried to wrap his mind around it, but no more confusing than trying to figure out what to do about Sirius and Remus.

"Oh!" Sirius shouted, his eyes lighting up.

"What?" James asked starting to pack up his things as lunch was starting soon.

"Dorcas! She's not going yet. Maybe she'll take pity on us."

"Oh that's brilliant mate only...only that only takes care of one of us."

James exchanged a look with Sirius, his best mate in the entire world, and the two of them took off bolting to the Great Hall.

"She's going to go with me!"

"No, Me!"

They jostled each other shoving, or trying to shove each other, into the wall to get a lead in the high stakes race to go to a dance that would of been completely stupid if not for the fact anyone not going would be seen as lame.

Sirius managed to surge ahead at the last minute reaching the Gryffindor table where Dorcas was talking to Marlene and Lily.

"Dorcas go with me," Sirius gasped out, getting a confused look from her in response.

"Go to the Yule Ball with me," James cut in earning himself a dark look from Lily and a darker one from Sirius.

"Yeah sure, why not." Dorcas shrugged, not looking particularly thrilled about the idea especially when Marlene leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made her frown.

"Which one of us are you going with?" Sirius asked, quickly shooting James a triumphant look that made it clear he thought he'd be the winner.

"I guess James, sorry Sirius but he's my teammate and technically asked me first."

"Ugh come on Dorcas!" Sirius groaned as James grinned gloatingly at him.

"Now leave me alone or I won't go with either of you," Dorcas replied, rolling her eyes at them as they retreated to their spot where Peter and Remus already were, both of them looking far too amused.

"Shut it. Both of you. Not a bloody word!"

"Don't worry Sirius I'm sure you'll find someone eventually. Weren't you just saying last week you had at least three girls fighting over going with you," Remus replied teasingly a small smirk on his face which set Sirius off into low grumblings about how stupid the 'fairer sex' were. James laughed as Peter 'consolingly' patted Sirius' shoulder which caused the yet again rejected boy to shove his face onto his empty plate.

"I don't even want to go to the bloody thing who bloody cares. I'll die all alone!"

"You won't be alone Sirius," Remus replied simply picking back up his parchment and quill. He'd been doing an awful lot of writing lately but whenever any of them tried to see what, all they saw was an empty page of parchment.

Sirius sat up straight looking at Remus hopefully.

"You'll have your cats," Remus replied with a perfectly straight face and innocent tone which sent all of them laughing at poor Sirius who went back to muttering darkly into his plate. When they stopped laughing and harassing Sirius who really made it too easy James felt Remus' eyes on him as they all dug into lunch.

He swallowed down his chicken and resisted looking up and meeting his friends' eyes. He knew Remus thought he was mad at him for agreeing to go with Lily when she asked, even though James had told him it was fine, but rather than being a little irked at him for that James was just still completely at a loss for how to meet his eyes.

He preferred not to think about it because then he wouldn't have to think about how he wasn't telling Sirius who would be livid if he found out that he had known and said nothing to him. Nor did he then have to think about how Remus would be disappearing with the full moon in a week and a half and that James would then have to try to hold off Sirius' attempts to follow him.

Where did Remus go anyways? How was Hogwarts safe? He knew Dumbledore knew and must have come up with something but he realized he still didn't have the faintest notion about where Remus actually went...to...to change. The notion of Remus doing so in the castle somewhere made him sick and he wondered if Lily would know, only he couldn't seem to get her to talk to him as for some reason she'd been avoiding him.

"Hey, Lily. Hey Lily I'm not going to nag you about you not going to the dance with me this time, honest," he shouted down to her suddenly, making Sirius gag on his muffin.

"James don't," Remus cautioned but for some reason that made him want Lily to respond to him even more.

"Come on Lily-kins you can't ignore me forever~!"

He gave her his best charming grin when she finally looked at him and he wasn't sure why it just seemed to irritate her. She had to like him….if not she'd like him eventually, one day.

"Shut up Potter, what is it you want?"

"I just want to talk to you alone for a minute. I promise no snogging...this time."

He winked at her and had to admit that maybe teasing her wasn't the best way to get her help. But as several Gryffindors chuckled he couldn't deny how much fun it was to get her worked up, well when it didn't end in her hexing him.

"Keep it up Potter and I'll go with Black to the dance instead," Dorcas threatened and James did shut up, twisting the spaghetti around and around and around again suddenly not very hungry.

"We are mapping again tonight?" Peter asked because he was a good mate who wanted to spare him from whatever Remus was about to say, which by his head shake and disapproving sigh wasn't anything James particularly wanted to hear.

"Can't. I've promised Lily I'd study with her," Remus replied nonchalantly as if he hadn't been a total flake on their plans to hang out lately. Only he didn't seem to really be avoiding them like he often did, he joked around with them fine and when they all hung out they had a blast, he just seemed busier than usual lately.

"Come on Remus we need your help," Sirius pouted and with enough whining and pleading managed to convince Remus to help them with their very slow progress on the map they had decided to make.

James frowned thoughtfully, it didn't seem like Remus was avoiding them, but as he listened to Remus and Sirius banter with one another he couldn't deny how worried he was that would change in a little over a week and a half.


	51. Chapter Fifty-One: Mutual Feelings

Chapter Fifty-One: Mutual Feelings

Remus waited until his friends' were all fast asleep to sneak down to the common room. Rolling out his parchment he began to write, still feeling bad about what had happened nearly two weeks ago.

Are you alright? I didn't see you at lunch and you weren't answering earlier.

Remus waited impatiently for the ink to disappear and for Ryan to reply. He had thought about giving Ryan the other mirror so they could talk properly but considering they weren't his he knew he couldn't do that. Plus, Sirius and James used them far too often when they were in detention, the professors having realized that keeping them apart was a more effective and efficient punishment than letting them serve detention together.

He waited and waited, his worry growing.

After Sirius had talked to him alone with his usual infuriating mix of concern and curiosity Remus had been quick to agree to no longer being friends with Ryan, at least as far as his other friends were concerned. Poor Ryan was sure they were actually done being friends that when Remus had written him with the nifty communication parchment he had asked 'Who is this' since Ryan had been sure that Remus would have told his friends about it.

After almost three days of writing back and forth, since even if Ryan thought it was a prank he was too lonely within his own house not to reply, he finally got Ryan to believe it was actually Remus, and that while they couldn't meet face to face for a while they could still stay friends this way. Of course when Ryan finally realized it wasn't a prank and it was Remus writing him he had been extremely apologetic for letting it slip he knew something the others didn't.

Luckily though that hadn't turned out to be a big deal since it didn't take much convincing at all to assure Sirius that Ryan didn't actually know anything of importance and only knew his mom had been sick since they had talked about it on the train. Thankfully the prejudices his friends had about all Slytherins gave them blinders to the fact that maybe Ryan was quite easy to talk to and that maybe Remus actually appreciated the boy's friendship, that it hadn't just been a 'moment of insanity' as they had taken to calling it. It irked him that he couldn't see Ryan face to face because he didn't think he'd be able to convince Ryan to open up about the extent of the bullying any other way.

However, Remus found he quite enjoyed having a pen pal and kept his irritation at having to keep his friend secret from his other friends hidden as his roommates congratulated themselves on 'saving Remus' throughout the following days. Eventually, they seemed to forget Ryan even existed but Remus still hadn't met up with him in person since Ryan had shot down the idea, convinced they'd get caught again, this time by his fellow Slytherins, who, even though he didn't say it, had become downright evil in their bullying of Ryan.

Remus knew this because he paid particular attention to Ryan in class and noticed he walked slower. It was easy to spot the signs of bullying when he tried to because he saw a lot of himself in how he responded to his uncle, and even his dad, in how Ryan interacted with his Slytherin peers. But he knew he couldn't get Sirius and especially James to understand that since they were both so close-minded in their opinions of Slytherins that it seemed more likely they would accept dark creatures before they accepted a Slytherin, or maybe it was about equal.

Remus sighed heavily scrawling down another sentence expressing his concern over his friend who, other than Lily, was his only friend who had an open mind about more than nothing.

Well...he knew he wasn't being entirely fair as James really seemed to be trying in DADA class. Still, it made it hard to appreciate James' effort when it often ended in him asking rather insensitive questions, not with hostility like Sirius did, but because he really did seem to want to understand.

James tried to understand but just didn't seem to understand the dark creatures their professor was slowly exposing them to. For example, James honestly hadn't realized the Banshee they had listened to as a guest speaker last week had regular feelings.

"Remus? What are you doing up?"

He jumped quickly rolling up the parchment, knowing that Lily would recognize exactly what it was, seeing as she used one to write back and forth with Severus. It's not that he thought Lily would be prejudiced; he just knew she'd tell Severus with the very best intention of having him and Ryan be friends and that it would backfire terribly on poor Ryan.

"Can't sleep. What about you?"

"Neither can I. Did you know Potter sent me flowers….flowers! Who does he think he is? Does he honestly expect anyone to actually start dating after the dance? I mean we're only twelve."

"Well Sirius is thirteen now," he pointed out though the thought of Sirius dating anyone seemed quite ludicrous especially with how irritated he'd been at all females lately.

"Still! I don't mind going to the dance with you because you're sane and know we're just friends but James is mental. He actually seems to think I'll date him. He has a screw loose that one."

"I think he just really likes you, Lily," he pointed out trying to be a good friend to James even though he thought the way James went about expressing his feelings to Lily was indeed quite mental. Lily huffed and curled up against him on the couch resting her head on his shoulder.

"You know what I mean though. I mean the fact that he was mad that we were going together...well he doesn't OWN me," she ranted and Remus figured by how upset she was that she wasn't just talking about James.

"Have…..you talked to Severus lately?"

"Remus Lupin, could you at least pretend to not be able to read my mind," she scolded her frown deepening at the mention.

"Sorry, Lily...I just….," he stammered, worried he had actually offended her. Lily certainly was easy to read but he didn't want her thinking werewolves could read minds or anything or that he'd use his observations against her or…

"It's fine Remus, I'm only joking. I know you aren't actually a Legilimens. But you're right Severus is also acting infuriating."

Lily let out a deep sigh burying her face into his shoulder. He patted her back awkwardly not altogether sure how to act around Lily being so comfortable with him despite….well despite her knowing. In fact, it seemed like she had been going out of her way to hug him and lean up against him as if to keep reminding him she wasn't scared of him nor would she ever be. Or maybe it was to convince herself she wasn't scared or him or remind herself not to be?

He might have been a little less uncomfortable with it if it hadn't made things so awkward between him and James. He was ignored no matter how many times he tried to tell James he didn't like Lily like that, if anything she was like a sister to him, and she didn't like him like that, since that was completely out of the question with her knowing what he was. But James just wouldn't listen to reason! Remus was really quite sad about it considering James wouldn't even meet his eyes anymore. He only hoped that Sirius was right in blowing off James' odd behavior, saying he'd 'get over himself' eventually.

"I'm sorry Lily."

"I just don't get why he's so angry at me!"

Remus could think of a few reasons but when he had tried to gently hint that Severus might have wanted to go to the dance with her Lily had laughed and said, with quite a bit of hurt in her eyes, he wouldn't be caught dead dancing with her since he cared far too much about what his fellow Slytherins thought. Remus certainly didn't agree with Severus being cruel to Lily but after learning a bit more here and there from Ryan he did think it made sense for the Slytherins to be concerned with what the other Slytherins thought of them. Only Lily didn't want to hear Severus would be bullied if he didn't comply because she already knew it and that's why she couldn't seem to cut ties with Severus completely no matter how mean he kept being to her.

"He told me I was ugly today and that I should be studying instead of going to a stupid dance and maybe he's right Remus maybe I need to just focus on my grades...my marks have even slipped a bit," she sighed heavily.

"Lily you're the smartest person I know. Don't let him ruin your fun. It's Christmas and the Yule Ball. If there's ever a day not to study it's then," he pointed out and she laughed remarking on how right he was.

"How…..are things going with you?" she asked hesitantly after they had watched the crackling fire in pleasant silence for a while. Remus stiffened, still not used to the fact that Lily knew what he was and still wanted to be his friend.

"Sorry, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's not that….I just…..are you sure you're ok…..?" he trailed off gesturing helplessly to her leaning against him. She sat up sleepily, suppressing a yawn, and looking confused.

"With what?"

He shrugged not knowing how to voice his concerns. Are you ok sitting so close to a monster? Are you ok leaning on the shoulder of a werewolf?

Lily's eyes suddenly widened and she went scarlet and Remus expected her to admit she wasn't ok with being close to him and that she was sorry but couldn't pretend anymore.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Remus I wasn't thinking! I just feel...comfortable with you...you know. You're different but I don't….I don't like you like that I'm sorry... is that what you meant? You don't….I mean…do you….?" she stammered, deeply embarrassed and Remus felt the blood rush to his own face, his current state of unease about her knowing about him increasing into even more uncomfortableness at her implication.

"I don't…..like you like that. I mean you're nice and pretty but I…"

"No, no it's ok you don't have to explain I mean I hope you don't take it personally I don't like you like that." She let out a giggle. "I'm very tired and this is very awkward but we're on the same page. I thought we were. I don't know how I got so confused I must be half asleep right now."

Remus stood there face still red only now he was very confused as well.

"What? Why would I take it personally? Of course, you don't like me like that!" he exclaimed, surprised, and perhaps more tired than he had originally thought himself to be as well. There was a brief silence in which the two tired pre-teens tried to sort through the awkwardness and confusion that had arisen. Then Lily's mouth dropped open and a distinctly cross expression appeared on her face.

"Remus you can't possibly mean. It's not because…" He was grateful she lowered her near shout to barely a whisper as she continued. "...you're a werewolf that I don't like you like you. Someone will like you romantically despite you being a werewolf and….what….what's wrong?"

Remus gaped at her trying to figure out how she could possibly be so delusional. He knew she must be a bit strange to still be friends with him but he didn't think out of all his friends he'd be questioning Lily's sanity of all people.

"What is it Remus?" she asked again this time louder startling herself from her eyes beginning to droop again.

"Nothing. Lily you're falling asleep on your feet. We should both get to bed alright?"

She was extremely reluctant but agreed though assured him they'd be talking about this at great lengths some other time.

"I will help you to like yourself Remus you just need to realize how amazing you are and not let stupid prejudices blind you."

Remus forced himself to thank her realizing he'd have to be careful now not to let slip just how deep his self-loathing ran. 'Stupid prejudices' would be a lot easier to ignore if most of the people he cared about didn't have them.

Now thinking of his father who hadn't written to him for a long time he watched Lily disappear upstairs nearly staggering with her exhaustion and was about to head up to bed when he realized the parchment was slightly warm to the touch. Knowing what this meant he quickly opened it, his bad mood replaced with relief since he had finally heard from Ryan at last.

Sorry Remus but blimey what are you still doing up so late? I'm studying for a Charms exam. I failed which is why I wasn't at lunch. What's your excuse?

Remus hoped Ryan was telling the truth but he was much too tired to question it and sat back down writing back and forth with Ryan long into the night.


	52. Chapter Fifty-Two: To be a Black

AN: (It's come to my attention there are certain chapters that should have trigger warnings.  
One of my other platforms now has them and I'll start transferring them over to here when I can. )  
TW: Offensive Language 

"Oi Reggy COME ON!" came an excited whisper directly in his ear.

Regulus rolled off his bed with a sigh. He had almost forgotten about this whole stupid plan. But reminding himself Sirius and his friends snuck around all the time at night he followed Greg quietly out of their room and up the stairs to the common room. Lucinda was waiting for them, her head pressed against the cool glass of the giant window showing beneath the lake.

Regulus watched a grindylow swim past amused at how amazed they had all been by the sight at first. Now Lucinda didn't even bat an eye, although by the way she was slumped slightly Regulus wouldn't be surprised if she was asleep. Not half asleep but completely asleep while standing, apparently it was a trick she had learned as her governess often made her stand for hours as a punishment when she didn't remember her family's heritage accurately enough or when she didn't play the piano perfectly enough.

"Lulu come on."

Regulus shushed Greg because they would be in big trouble if they woke up one of the older students. Greg nodded sitting down on one of the many dark stools sat around the tables in the common room since they enforced good posture, unlike chairs you could actually slouch in.

"Come on Lucinda," he called, patting her shoulder and giving her a smile as the sleep and confusion left her eyes.

"You boys kept me waiting," she retorted, yawning behind her hand.

"Well come on or we'll miss it."

"Why are we doing this again?" Lucinda asked and Regulus just shrugged.

"Because it will be really cool I promise," he pointed out excitedly, the only one who still seemed to have any desire to keep trying to get Regulus to agree to do crazy things.

"Are you sure this is even a proper challenge?" Regulus asked as they left the dungeons not even bothering to be quiet anymore because only Professor Slughorn ever patrolled the dungeons and the worst he would do would tell them to go back to back.

"Yeah, all the first years are doing it. Last night two Hufflepuffs apparently got the closest so far."

"This is dumb," Regulus pointed out but knew he wouldn't call a halt to this because he also knew the Gryffindor first years were participating in the challenge and he wasn't about to let Slytherins loose to Gryffindors. So far Sirius hasn't mentioned the challenge but Regulus wouldn't have been surprised if he invented it. At the very least Sirius must know about it since he knew about all the mischief that went down in Hogwarts and he wasn't about to give his brother another excuse to call him a stick in the mud. They would win this competition, go back to bed then Regulus could boast to Sirius about it and for once his brother wouldn't have an annoying come back, also maybe he'd then completely forgive Regulus for telling on him going to the Forbidden Forest.

"Alright everyone quiet now we don't want to be caught by Flinch," Lucinda whispered and all talking ceased though Greg kept having to suppress his sneezes after a while.

"Will you quit it, you're going to get us caught," Lucinda hissed at him in irritation after a muffled sneeze caused one of the suits of helmets to turn its head toward their direction.

"Sorry…..can't help it...my...allergies are really working up for some reason..."

They were about to keep walking when Regulus held up his hand stopping them all in their tracks.

"We'll find it. Don't worry we'll find it," came the sound of an older female walking briskly down the corridor with someone else.

"Well, we better find it quick. Thomas needs it and we both know how much trouble we'll be in if we get caught," the second older student was a young man who sounded irritated. Regulus couldn't make out much about them, partly having to keep his focus on making sure Greg and Lucinda didn't try to look as well and give themselves away.

"Yeah, besides everyone cheats. It's not like those Hogwart brats can't recover from it. It's not fair they get to go here. I'd give an arm and a leg to go here!"

The students weren't Hogwart students then. Regulus shot a look at Lucinda making sure she was paying attention rather than swatting at her cousin. They both were listening though, with identical frowns on their faces.

It sounded like one of the schools was trying to cheat!

"True we just need to think of it as a leg up."

"And not something illegal."

"A….a….ACHOO!"

"Who's there?"

"RUN," squealed Lucinda and they all took off running from the angry-sounding older students. They ran and ran back to the dungeons and only stopped when they reached the door to their common room.

"Hurry up," Regulus whispered too scared to realize they weren't being followed.

"Pure-blood," Greg stated and the blank stone wall opened up so they could all hurry in.

"Phew that was close," Lucinda gasped, going to sit down on the grand piano stool. Regulus nodded in agreement though felt a little silly now at how they had reacted like a bunch of little kids, he ought to know better than to panic, he was a Black after all.

"What do we do now?"

"Tell someone obviously. We can't have another school cheating."

"Yeah? I'd like to see any of the older students take us seriously."

"Couldn't you talk to your cousin Regulus?"

"Shush I'm trying to think," Regulus replied watching a merperson swim past, but not before giving them an eerie smile their sharp teeth bared as if they'd like nothing more than to get past the glass dome overhead and sink their teeth into their flesh. "For now we say nothing. After all, Hogwarts is far superior and none of the Slytherins will particularly care since our champion is a Gryffindor."

"Yeah that's true they always say this school is going to the dogs," Greg sighed, his own parents, he had told them several times before, had discussed more than once sending him to Durmstrang and away from Dumbledore's insanity.

"If we gain any more evidence of foul play then we say something. And don't you two tell a word of this to Ella you know she can't keep her mouth shut to save her life. We don't want the older students thinking we like Gideon."

"But….but don't we?" Greg asked uncertainly. Regulus nodded and his friend relaxed under the permission to like the seventh year Gryffindor.

"What about the challenge?" Lucinda asked, even though she had been pretending not to care almost as much as Regulus had.

"We'll try to touch the Whomping Willow trunk tomorrow," Regulus decided since he really really did not want a Gryffindor first year to win the challenge.

...

"I'm glad you changed your mind, Sirius," Narcissa replied smugly and Sirius resisted the urge to stomp away and tell her exactly what she could do with the potential dates she had found for him. Only it was between going to the Yule Ball in eight days with someone he didn't like at all or Narcissa sending word to his mother about his 'incorporation' and him being sent home to dance with the dementor instead.

So really...there wasn't much of an option!

Stupid James for hogging Dorcas and stupid girls for not agreeing to go with him. Also stupid Hogwarts for saying you had to go with a date!

Apparently, some fifth-year had tried to argue about the rules being homoph...homo-something though Sirius wasn't sure what that meant. Whatever it meant it was decided that you could bring one of your friends as a date instead even if they were the same gender as you.

Only it was a little bloody late for that now, since his three friends all already had dates, and asking any of them to go with him instead would be humiliating!

Besides, Narcissa would send him home so fast if he, the heir of the Blacks, attempted to go to the dance with anyone besides a respectable pureblood lady instead. He had to admit it was a fun notion though. He could just imagine himself going with James and the two of them spinning around obnoxiously on the dance floor purposefully bumping into stupid couples trying to seriously dance. He and James would have wreaked havoc….well….they would have if his friend wasn't going to be depressing and mope about not going with LIly the whole time.

"Can't I just go with one of my mates Narcissa?" he asked, deciding to at least attempt it because maybe Sissy was feeling merciful and would take pity on him. He could probably get everyone but Peter to ditch his date and they could go as a group which sounded much more doable. He made sure to ask in his best pleading tone as his cousin walked briskly with him to one of the courtyards where he was supposed to be meeting the prissy Ravenclaw wench he may be forced to go with.

He leaped back surprised as Sissy rounded on him and almost slapped his cheek, her eyes blazing.

"Sirius the Black heir can be a lot of things but he CANNOT be a fag," she shouted angrily and his cheeks colored in humiliation.

"I was only joking, Sissy. Geez! Plus it would only be as friends."

Narcissa went from looking like she wanted to slap him to just looking annoyed.

"It's about the precedence it would set Sirius. I better not catch you sneaking off with your little friends or your mother will hear all about it," she threatened and Sirius nodded sticking his tongue out at her and pretending to hex her as she turned back around to lead him to the courtyard.

He'd be so glad when he could be rid of her when she was no longer bossing him around at Hogwarts. Only by that point, Regulus would be the tattletale, if he wasn't already. He groaned inwardly about how unfortunate he was to not have a single year at Hogwarts without one member of his family trying to ruin it.

It would be a bit better if he held off any hope at all of getting through to Regulus but he found he just couldn't get himself to. Sure, he was really done with playing by Sissy's rules to meet up with his brother; it just wasn't worth it, but it didn't stop him thinking maybe he'd try again?

It made him sad but he couldn't even talk to Regulus anymore who was already a little tattletale and the hours they had spent merely discussing lessons had been awfully dull, but despite all of that he was still his brother.

He also hoped that maybe if he stopped appeasing Sissy altogether and avoided his brother, after Christmas of course because he wasn't about to be sent home for break, that Regulus would miss him and realize he needed to be better so his big brother would hang out with him.

Remus wasn't very impressed with the technique but James said it seemed terrific, though he might have been a bit biased since he had clearly really wanted to prank the Slytherins. Sirius had been pretty desperate to prank the Slytherins too, especially since they had caught Remus who in a moment of insanity had fraternized with the enemy.

Their friend really was too nice for his own good.

"Keep up Sirius and don't slouch," Narcissa snapped at him, sounding a great deal like his mother and her mother.

"Yes mum," he muttered, and even though her back was to him he could all but feel her roll her eyes. He wasn't sure why she tried so hard. Couldn't they all just leave him alone?

"Here we are. Miss Macnair this is my cousin Mr. Black," Narcissa introduced him with the formal air of one introducing possible suitors."

Sirius felt played. He should have realized this was about more than one stupid dance, should have realized she was no doubt given the task of trying to find him an eventual bride at Hogwarts since he refused to cooperate. He could almost feel the metaphorical chain around his neck, could almost hear his mother's voice telling him "he would be a part of the family", could almost feel her breath on the back of his neck.

But he didn't have much of a choice and hating every minute of it he bowed politely and offered the plain-looking girl his hand.

...

It was as terrible and tedious as one might expect.

She had the manners of one raised in a family of 'proper breeding' and therefore was as boring and prissy as he had come to expect anyone from a stuffy pureblood family to be. He didn't bother learning her first name and only barely made a note of her being two years older than him. They shook hands and he agreed to meet her outside the Great Hall doors and walk in with her as her date.

"See? Was that so bad?"

"Yes!" he groaned and Narcissa yanked his ear hard.

"You don't even try Sirius!"

"You didn't try to pair me up with someone I'd have a good time with so why should I try?"

"I did! I…," Narcissa's face went purple with anger. "You know what, forget it. If you want to be childish and feel that everyone in your family is against you then fine. But you only get one family, Sirius and you're stuck with us so if I was you I'd play along for a bit more so your life isn't complete hell."

Sirius, like usual, was left without a proper comeback until she had already stormed off.

"Playing along is hell!" he shouted but didn't think she had heard him.

It wasn't until he had gotten back to the dorm and lamented to his three friends about the girl that he realized, because James pointed it out, that she was a chaser on her Quidditch team.

"Blimey mate Julia MacNair is super pretty. Wanna trade?"

"Not a bloody chance Potter," he replied, trying to brag about the girl whose full name he hadn't even remembered without prompting. He realized as he laid down that maybe Sissy hadn't actually gone out of her way to make him miserable, maybe he wouldn't have a terrible time at the dance.

But as he tried to fall asleep he remained a bit puzzled since he really hadn't thought Julia had been that pretty. Even if she was the prettiest girl in school he figured he'd rather go with his mates but then Narcissa's warning rang in his ears which turned red with shame. What was so wrong with wanting to go to the dance with his friends? He wasn't a poof he just wasn't really interested in girls….yet.

He would be soon enough just...not yet.


	53. Chapter Fifty-Three: All to Get Attention

Chapter Fifty-Three: All to Get Attention

"Remus calm down! What's the problem," Sirius explained giving Remus, who had gone very pale and had nearly passed out a shake.

"It's…..it's so dangerous…," he whispered, voice hoarse and James frowned deep in thought.

Peter couldn't believe it! He would have expected Remus of all people to appreciate and support his recently recognized brilliance.

James and Sirius had all but been idolizing him all day, passing him notes in class first and showering him with compliments, that for once weren't the least bit insincere! It had been utterly amazing and even potions with Marlene had been bearable since she had also been impressed with James and Sirius being impressed and so she didn't nag him for being bad at potions.

But now Remus was trying to ruin it!

At least Sirius and James seemed to think Remus was a nutter for reacting so strongly, it's not like Remus had ever cared that much about things being dangerous before. If he really did care then he never would have entered the Forbidden Forest twice, nor would he have let them enter.

So the only conclusion Peter could possibly make sense of was that Remus Lupin was jealous of him.

Because now that Remus was acting upset Sirius was being all attentive to him, helping him to sit on his bed with concern even if he didn't get why Remus was so upset. However, if Peter had reacted in such a way they would have called him a wuss and laughed at him, possibly even left him behind on their next adventure because they 'didn't want to deal with a pansy'.

So why was it so different for Remus?

Also, why was James frowning like everything that Remus said and did had some deeper importance? Couldn't they tell he was just trying to get the focus to be on him when it should be on Peter?

Peter fumed as Remus buried his face in his hands and Sirius looked at James, only unlike usual the two didn't share some significant look because James was too busy staring at his feet. Not getting the usual reaction from James the look was then directed at Peter who was quick to look back, always having wanted to be a part of the non-verbal communication all the others seemed able to possess but him.

Only whatever his facial expression was, Sirius didn't seem to like it because he looked away quickly, his eyes back on Remus with a sort of over concern about him that could not be normal!

It wasn't even anywhere near the end of the month!

Although it had seemed that Remus' disappearances had more to do with the second to last week of the month this year, slowly changing by a few days. But when he had pointed that out to James noticing the pattern seemed to be fluctuating as if in time to something else James had completely bit his head off.

It wasn't fair!

"Listen mate it will be alright" James offered, also sounding weirdly concerned about Remus.

Peter resisted the urge to storm off knowing no one would chase after him if he did. Instead, he sat down on the floor since his bed was too far away from Remus' and he wouldn't be able to hear if they started whispering if he wasn't nearby. He had also pointed out to James how when they whispered he couldn't hear from his bed and James had snapped at him that was the point before apologizing and explaining they really did it to keep Remus calm when he got upset.

But Remus got upset a lot!

Peter was beginning to think the boy only pretended to hide feeling bad, making exaggerated wobbly motions or acting more tired than he really was. Because he seemed tired a lot lately but, as far as Peter could tell, was getting the same amount of sleep as he had last year which meant he was just being dramatic about it. Only when Peter had hesitantly pointed out to Sirius that 'wasn't it odd for Remus to be as tired as he was lately' Sirius had frowned and said it must be because his mum died only to get upset when Peter wondered out loud when his mom had actually died since Remus had never given an explicit date.

Sometimes he wondered why he tried to point out anything to either of them!

He wasn't dumb, he knew he wasn't dumb, just a bit slower at times at magic. But he had a brain and he could see things! He was pretty sure he saw the real situation, the real Remus, clearer than James and Sirius did and he knew they were much smarter than he could ever hope to be.

At least Marlene listened to him. He was really glad none of the girls had ever let slip that he had been the spy that made James' prank not happen. Not that James could really be that upset since the prank war had ended and technically he had been the hero to make that happen, only he knew James would find some way to be upset at him so he was glad to avoid the whole thing entirely.

Hanging out with Marlene meant he tended to hang out with the girls more than he ever thought he would. He couldn't believe he had been afraid of the girls last year! If anything he had more to fear from his roommates who slowly seemed to be losing their minds. Besides, it was much more likely for Sirius or James to tease him than the girls, although he still wasn't comfortable with the girls' giggling that seemed directly aimed at him sometimes.

At least it was done to his face, he was pretty sure, since Remus was doing more and more things for attention, that he was also making fun of Peter behind his back. He had a few nightmares about it and even though deep down he knew Remus wasn't that mean it was hard to shake, especially because no one coddled him when he had nightmares. He had even tried shouting as Remus did upon waking from a nightmare in order to wake James who he thought would then get him a glass of water and who he could then talk to all about his sad or scary dreams, only when James realized it was him he had just muttered for him to go back to sleep!

It just wasn't fair!

"Maybe we can undo the damage?" he heard James ask Remus, standing a little bit away from Remus' bed while Sirius sat next to Remus, an arm around his shaking shoulders.

Damage?

"What do you mean I thought you loved the idea?" Peter quickly interjected, hardly believing his ears. Damage!? If Sirius and James were the ones to come up with it he was sure it wouldn't be referred to as a bad thing in any way shape or form, even if it caused them to get in trouble.

Peter swallowed suddenly feeling a bit shaky himself, he hoped what he had set in motion didn't get traced back to him and he got in trouble! It wasn't his fault all the houses were partaking in it now, he had even heard some of the foreign students take their shot at it.

"Not now Peter," Sirius snapped.

"I don't think it can be stopped now. Peter, you said most of the first years are participating?" Remus asked in a small voice that seemed to almost sound guilty. Maybe he felt bad about taking away from Peter's glory, but if that was the case he never should have done it!

"Yes," he said shortly and James shot him an angry look. How could James be angry at him for being angry at Remus? Why weren't they calling the trembling boy a swot? How could they not think this was for attention since, especially right now, Remus was laying it on real thick! It's not like it would be Remus' fault if some student got injured by the Whomping Willow, not that it would be his fault either!

"Someone is going to get hurt….badly hurt it's so dangerous," Remus murmured again.

"Well…..we could tell a professor what's going on? I know they've all been a bit overworked with the foreign students and everything else but if we told them I'm sure they'd put a stop to it," James offered, and at least, at least, Sirius looked taken aback by that comment as well.

What was wrong with James!? What was wrong with them all!?

Sirius tried to catch James' eye again only he was once more staring at the ground instead and therefore missed the look of frustration that passed across Black's face.

"You think maybe you could lay down and get some sleep, leave us to go tell alright?" Sirius offered in a gentle voice that didn't at all match the dark look aimed at James moments before.

"I….I am really tired….," Remus replied, finally unburying his face from his hands. How did he get himself to look so sick at the drop of a hat? It was begrudgingly impressive and Peter didn't think he'd be quite so cross with Remus if only his selfish friend would share his tricks.

Couldn't he see Peter trying so hard to get half the attention from their idols that Remus did? Well...maybe Sirius wasn't his idol, he was a little too scary for that...but he was still so cool! Peter wanted so bad to be more like them only that didn't seem obtainable. Being more like Remus...that at least seemed possible...maybe? He had already gotten better at stopping arguments though that had been as much as about not wanting to hear his friends bicker as about imitating Remus.

"Ok, so you lay down for a bit and Peter will stay with you and…."

"I want to come! I'm the one who rounded up the Gryffindor first years and got the idea started in the first place!" he shouted in outrage.

Surely they weren't about to let him miss this to babysit Remus instead?!

"You really want to come with us when you were the mastermind? Damn Pettigrew, I guess you have some guts after all," James pointed out sounding impressed and Peter forced a smile instead of a frown since he had sort of forgotten what they were doing.

What a waste!

His first successful good prankster idea down the drain because Remus couldn't handle it!

"Fine then you stay James," Sirius pointed out, his sharp tone causing James to actually look at him and realize the older boy wasn't happy with him.

"I'm fine you can all go. I can fall asleep on my own. I don't need you holding my hand," Remus sighed sounding a bit more like himself with his exasperation and just a hint of amusement.

See he was fine!

Only by the look on James' face for some inexplicable reason, they were still going to tell the professors.

It just wasn't fair!

Also as Remus reassured Sirius, who looked hesitant, Peter reflected on the fact that despite what he had said Remus really did need someone to hold his hand to fall asleep. At least that's what it sounded like when he had overheard James and Sirius talking about it, only he wasn't sure why Sirius had seemed so flustered over it. He was just being a good mate! Peter would hold Remus' hand for him to fall asleep too if their beds were next to each other and if he thought his friend actually needed it.

"We'll be back in a bit Remus. But you better actually sleep. You're a bit warm," James pointed out pulling his hand away from Remus' forehead who nodded weakly and all but passed out onto his bed.

So maybe he wasn't completely faking it…?

"Come on," James declared, ushering them downstairs and out into the hall.

"What the hell was that about James!" Sirius demanded immediately in the kind of angry tone Peter couldn't imagine ever directing at any of his friends...well not as often as Sirius did.

"Calm down. I just didn't want him getting too worked up. We aren't really going to tell a professor I'm not daft Sirius," James retorted sharply, only he wasn't quite meeting Sirius' eyes which was weird since the two of them seemed to typically glare each other down when they were at odds.

"Oh," Sirius replied flatly.

"Yeah, oh, you dufass," James grumbled, giving Sirius a shove as he continued walking with purpose.

"So what are we doing?" Peter asked, very happy the 'trying to touch the Whomping Willow trend' wouldn't end.

…

"Clearly we're going to go touch the trunk ourselves so there can be a winner which by no means can we let be my brother or any of his stinky Slytherin friends," Sirius shouted excitedly and James groaned inwardly but nodded knowing he didn't have a single good excuse for them not to at least attempt it.

Stupid Peter coming up with such a stupid idea. Only James knew that before he realized the Whomping Willow had something to do with Remus' lycanthropy he had been impressed and thrilled with Peter's brilliance. He felt a bit bad since Peter clearly couldn't understand why he seemed so reserved about it now when before both Sirius and he had been jumping to try it and win. To be fair Sirius was still jumping with excitement, chalking up Remus' weird reaction to him not wanting to get in any more trouble because of his dad.

James stopped dead, his mouth almost falling open.

Remus' dad!

Dammit, it all made such horrible sense. When Sirius had told him nearly a year ago about Remus saying his dad sometimes thought he was someone else, that was why. And also why Remus' dad didn't want him to have friends. It all made such horrible sense!

James was glad he could now honestly say that if it wasn't for not wanting Sirius to find out he had found out first, well technically second but they had decided a long time ago Lily didn't count, that he would have talked to Remus. Some of him coming to that conclusion had to do with the fact he had gone to see Professor Corbyn a few days ago. He had put it off but realizing he was being kind of rude during classes with his questions he had bitten the bludger and gone to see Professor Corbyn.

Strange... would have been the word he used to describe it at first but there was a comfortableness to the room that soon had James pouring his heart out to their professor in a rather surprising but nonetheless helpful manner.

At least Professor Corbyn already knew about Remus and James had refrained about saying anything regarding the other secrets he was keeping for his friends. He didn't think Sirius and Remus would react kindly if he had told their professor about the abuse they experienced from their families. Luckily he hadn't even been thinking about that at the time, focusing primarily on Remus being a werewolf which had easily taken up the half-hour slot the professor had for individual students to talk to him, and longer than that since luckily no one else had been waiting.

Only now thinking about the abuse, at least Remus', he couldn't imagine... he just could not imagine how dreadful Remus' father must be to him.

Did he even see his son as a person?

He must... right? But he had realized from Sirius a while ago now that parents, even though they should, didn't always love their kids.

"James?"

Only Remus never complained about his family like Sirius did so maybe it wasn't that bad. In fact, most of his injuries were probably self-sustained, though James wasn't sure if that was actually better or not.

He couldn't imagine Remus lying about his father hurting him just to keep them from finding out though, which left him with very confusing feelings over the matter indeed.

"James….hey James!"

At least he supported Remus now...or he was pretty sure he did. Professor Corbyn had been helpful and persuasive so maybe he could get through to Sirius... eventually. Only persuading James to completely accept Remus' lycanthropy had been easier since he didn't have personal grudges against dark creatures like Sirius did.

"James…..you're really starting to freak me out. Look around Peter, maybe someone cursed him or something….James!"

Did Lily know about Remus' dad and uncle? Would she have them tell if she did? Or maybe she'd tell an adult about the abuse... then Remus could hate her and not him.

BUT…. James almost fell over feeling ill.

Remus was a werewolf which meant the ministry wouldn't do anything even if they knew Remus' dad was torturing him. He really hoped it wasn't that bad...but still. Where did that leave Remus? Where did that leave them?

How could he help his friend?

Poor Remus!

None of this was fair. He had to get through to stupid Sirius because James didn't really want to pick sides, only if it came down to it he knew with a heavy heart he'd pick Remus'.

"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!"

He jumped realizing Sirius' hands were on his shoulders, his very scared face looking at him.

"Sorry….I sorry…."

"What's going on?" Sirius demanded and Peter appeared beside him just as worried.

James bit his tongue until it bled to keep from spilling Remus' secret then and there. He didn't like secrets and he now had so many because of his bloody friends. He knew it wasn't their fault, but still!

"I….I think…"

How had Remus kept them from finding out for so long? How was he such a good liar? James really needed to lie now but he didn't have a clue how to go about it and with each second Sirius' expression was turning from concern to suspicion. Then the solution hit him and he had to force a frown since he was so proud of himself he wanted to grin, he was a genius!

"I...think Lily doesn't like me…." he muttered finding out the lie made him feel terrible. Sirius blinked in bewilderment then started laughing.

"You're just now getting that!"

"Hey!" James protested knowing he was blushing now. Remus better appreciate the sacrifices James made for him!

"Well come on you broken-hearted moron let's go fight a tree! Maybe it will whack some sense into you and you'll stop liking her," Sirius laughed again now looking quite happy again.

If Sirius found out about Remus it was hard to imagine him being this happy ever again. James certainly had a hard time being as happy as before now knowing one of his best mates was going through such a hard time and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Well while it's at it maybe it can whack some sense into Peter too," James teased and forced a laugh, his smile falling immediately as soon as Peter and Sirius turned around to keep walking. What was he going to do?

How oh how was he going to make this better?


	54. Chapter Fifty-Four: Three Visitors at Night

Chapter Fifty-Four: Three Visitors at Night

AN: Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I figured we could all use a little something extra to be grateful for this year so I present you with an extra chapter. ;)

(P.S I'd be really really grateful if someone could be my beta reader as mine has been MIA for a long time. If I can't find one soon I may have to take a longer break than I would want to from posting the story in a few weeks)

Sirius was super bummed that they weren't able to touch the Whomping Willow after all, though not for lack of trying. Truthfully he knew they hadn't even gotten past Regulus and his friends' spot which they were able to see after muttering a revealing spell that showed hundreds of different initials in the handprints of students who had tested their luck. Sirius would have kept going but Peter got a good whack from one of the tree's branches and all of his enthusiasm about the thing which had been his idea in the first place soured some as he retreated to safety while rubbing his bum.

Even with Peter tapped out he would have still continued trying, because dammit he had to at least get farther than Reg, but James was being such a pansy and such a 'Debbie Downer' which led to a loss of fun in battling the Whomping Willow.

"So what do we tell Remus?" Sirius asked as they limped back into the common room just in time for lights out.

"That we talked to...to Professor Sprout and she will put a charm up. It will take Remus awhile to find out we're lying," Peter explained and Sirius high-fived him glad his friend had come around and still wanted the contest to continue even though he was still rubbing his bum which must be really sore.

"Should we really lie to him though?" James asked hesitantly, sounding depressed again and Sirius wished he had been the one to essentially be spanked by the Whomping Willow since he had been such a little baby lately. And it was all thanks to stupid Lily Evans, or more specifically James' mental feelings towards her.

He was really starting to get on Sirius' nerves.

"Not like Remus hasn't lied to us," he shot back though he wasn't really mad at Remus, more concerned since he seemed to be feeling sick a lot lately. James looked upset but relented since none of them could come up with a better suggestion. Telling a professor was simply not an option since then Peter would potentially get in a lot of trouble... and Sirius still hadn't beaten Reg yet.

But, like usual he found his frustration with Remus rising after yet another week passed of watching his friend's infuriating scribbling, to whom he was sure must be Lily. Once again, another week of Remus not helping them out with their plotting of the map as much as he was obligated to as a Marauder. It didn't help that Remus wasn't even faking wanting to sneak out of the castle with them recently. Well, Sirius knew he had good reason since winter break had been hanging over them and neither he nor Remus wanted to do something stupid that would result in one or both of them being yanked home.

It still surprised him Remus' father had allowed him to stay though his friend hadn't seemed to be shocked about it, mumbling something about money being tight with a red face.

However, after the eighteenth came and went, the official date for parents being able to demand their kids' return, Remus didn't cheer up at all!

Sirius battled between worry and frustration for several days, trying to figure out why his friend seemed sad lately. But all that simply turned into anger once they returned to their dorm after watching James practice quidditch. Because after reaching their dorm they had found Remus gone... but Remus hadn't left alone which they realized when they scrambled for the cloak. They had agreed each month to travel in the cloak in order to attempt to search for Remus, even though they weren't sure how long ago he had left this month. But they hadn't even gotten a chance since Remus had taken the invisibility cloak before disappearing, as they realized after tearing their dorm apart.

But worse than that was realizing James had let him take it!

"What were you thinking! This was the month James this was the month I tell you! Dammit! Bloody cocksucking fuck!" he yelled having picked up a few swears from Peter who was most generous in sharing the creative combinations his uncles came up with when they stubbed something on the farm. Only James wasn't pleased by his expressive language so even though Peter thought it was funny Sirius could see him trying to hide it.

"What was I supposed to tell him? No? He won the contest!"

"You could have made up something dire!"

"Sirius he knew we had been trying to tail him I don't know how he knew but he knew!" James shouted back, eyes dark with anger. Well, at least he still knew James wanted to find out about Remus as bad as he did since he seemed pretty upset about it lately too. Only... if he found out James was more upset about Lily instead he was going to punch him. James could only be allowed to mope around for so long, and he already had been mopping for more days than they had allowed Peter too.

"How?" Sirius asked though he didn't expect an answer, only out of the corner of his eye he saw Peter gasp and rounded on him, able to tell when someone had something to hide. "Pettigrew what did you do?" he demanded angrily since clearly Peter had gone and squealed to Remus or something.

"I…..I didn't….I…."

"Spill it, Pettigrew," Sirius snapped and Peter jumped, face going red as he muttered something so quietly Sirius couldn't hear. "Speak up!"

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Sirius I didn't mean for this to happen I really am terribly sorry only I was talking to Marlene who must have told Lily who must have told Remus!"

"So Marlene knows about the invisibility cloak, it's sacred knowledge Peter! Marauders only," James gasped in horror though Sirius wasn't as upset about that.

"No, I just said you guys had been tailing Remus I didn't even say why I made it sound like a game I swear! Only I had to say something because Marlene was curious and she asks a lot of questions about you both, well I mean all of us she wants to know all about us and I don't tell her much. I didn't realize this would happen!" Peter fretted and Sirius wasn't sure if he was more upset at Peter for ruining their chances or James for seeming not to care that he had ruined their chances.

However, James who had also been acting weird in DADA classes tipped the scale in Peter's favor and he switched the target of his anger to James, who could take it better than their bumbling friend who was almost crying already anyway.

"Will you forget about your damn cloak for one minute. What's with you? WHY don't you care? This was our chance, James! We could be sitting back discussing how to help Remus because we had successfully figured it out like good mates. Then Remus wouldn't be alone!"

"Well, maybe he'd be alone regardless! Maybe finding out doesn't do any good because there's nothing we can do!" James shouted, for once louder and angrier than Sirius. Tears sprang into his friend's eyes and that's when Sirius understood. The realization hit him hard and he felt a horrible mix of relief and betrayal slam into him at the same time.

"You know," he stated and watched with some satisfaction as James went pale.

"I…..what….no….," he spluttered which just confirmed to Sirius the truth of the matter. How long had James known? How the hell had he figured it out before him? Maybe Lily told him? Sirius wasn't ready to admit James found it out by himself when he had failed, but at least he knew.

Sirius felt his knees start shaking with sheer anticipation.

"We can discuss me being pissed about you not telling me you knew later. Tell me, tell me!" he cheered as Peter kept looking between them as if he couldn't quite believe what he was saying.

"I don't know I bloody swear Sirius you're insane I'm just getting really tired of all this!"

"Me too," Peter spoke up quickly though he cowered slightly at the look Sirius shot him.

"You know... you must know it's why you've been acting so weird," he insisted, his heart plummeting.

Sure James knowing would have been extremely annoying as hell but then at least this would all be over. Only James kept insisting that he didn't know and since there was no way his best mate would lie about this, not when he knew how crazy not knowing was driving Sirius, he was forced to reconsider the conclusion he had jumped to.

"Aw, don't cry, Sirius. I'm really sorry. We'll be on top of it next month. He can't do anything with the cloak then," James promised and Sirius sniffled, rubbing his eyes quickly.

He just couldn't seem to win!

"Yeah," he mumbled disheartened.

"Cheer up mate," James attempted.

"Ok," he sighed again sounding disheartened.

"We could go to Honeydukes!"

"Peter quit thinking about your stomach!" James sighed, only Sirius thought it was a brilliant idea and cheered up immediately at the suggestion.

"Yeah! Let's go explore Hogsmeade and go to Honeydukes and then... and then the Shrieking Shack!"

He tried to suppress his utter glee because there were some things they simply could not do with Remus around and his friend could take the cloak and shove it up his ass since Sirius was sure as hell going to capitalize on all the things Remus wouldn't want them to do out of sheer spite!

Only he wasn't quite sure why James looked physically ill as a result.

Thank goodness Lily didn't like James. If she did she'd turn him into an even larger prat than he already was.

…..

It was a terrible idea!

James could have just killed Peter for suggesting Honeydukes, not that he had a problem with going to the shop but he had known Sirius was going to want to go to the blasted Shrieking Shack which James had realized was where Remus would be.

Because where else would a werewolf be stored than in a shack that seemed to be possessed by a ghost party on the full moon?

But Peter was delighted Sirius wasn't mad at him about spilling stuff to Marlene and Sirius seemed slightly possessed by the notion of doing things Remus would explicitly hate because, as he so eagerly put it 'if Remus is going to keep playing dirty then I will as well.'

James felt exhausted and not just because he didn't at all want to go to the Shrieking Shack, he hadn't been sleeping well lately because of all the stress.

He tried to warn Sirius sneaking out of the castle was a really bad idea without the cloak but his dumbass of a friend refused to listen to any reason and seemed almost more eager to do it without the cloak because 'then wouldn't Remus just be all the more horrified'.

"Maybe if we do so much dangerous shit he'll stop leaving," Sirius ranted as they walked through the passageway before lights out, before moonrise. "Yeah, yeah why didn't I think of this before! I really think I'm on to something guys!"

Only Sirius wasn't because Remus physically could not stop leaving, well he could but then they'd all die so really he couldn't.

"Sirius are you sure this is a good idea? What if we get caught out of grounds? You'd be sent home for sure," James attempted to reason with his completely insane friend yet again. He had to keep trying to dissuade Sirius and it was as good an excuse not to go as any.

"We won't get caught. Besides the train already left with the fifteen or something poor arse students who had been forced to go home and you may not have noticed Potter since your eyes seem tracked to Lily lately but I wasn't one of them," Sirius smirked, but James didn't feel much up to bantering.

At this rate wouldn't they arrive at the shrieking shack at the same time as Remus was transforming? Maybe he was being overly cautious since it's not like they could get in but he didn't fancy hearing the shrieks which may be ghosts but were most likely Remus'.

Besides what if Sirius recognized his voice? Did Remus scream in pain or was it just the wolf?

James was pretty sure werewolves had no memory of their transformations so at least Remus wasn't hurt every time. Well, he seemed banged up a lot but he reckoned the matron reached him quickly and the pain was minimal at that.

Perhaps James should try to slow things down though, just in case?

"Ouch! Dammit….stop Sirius stop," he called out to his friends who were a bit ahead of him so that Sirius didn't have to see his 'pouty puss face'.

"Are you ok? What happened?" Sirius asked in alarm turning around to find James on the floor. Maybe if James played this right they would just go back to their dorm.

"I twisted my ankle really badly I think it might be broken," he whined forcing all the anxiety he was feeling about this stupid expedition into a sort of pained plea for them to go back.

"Oh come off it Potter I'm sure it's just bruised," Sirius huffed and James put off letting Sirius examine his ankle which he knew wouldn't look hurt at all as long as he possibly could. Ten minutes of him basically crying from pain and he was forced to let Sirius look at it with the most sincere promise he'd be gentle.

"Lumos! Now raise your pant leg, James. I don't want you blaming me if it bumps your ankle," Sirius instructed, sounding torn between irritation and concern. James did so with such exaggerated slowness that he knew when his ankle appeared fine he'd never hear the end of it from Sirius.

"You pansy! It's not even blue. Peter, I think we may have to give up the notion of James being a star Quidditch player because no one with such a low pain level is going to make it far," Sirius replied cheekily and James scowled muttering about how insensitive his friend was while taking his precious time in getting up and walking with dramatic slowness despite Peter and Sirius' taunting.

Remus better appreciate his sacrifice one day when they could all look back on this and laugh. Which hopefully would be soon because he didn't think he could take much more of Sirius offering to carry the 'princess' with so much mockery for long.

However, even with all of James' stalling, he wasn't sure it was enough. He realized he didn't have the faintest notion about how long a werewolf's transformation was or even if it was precisely at moonrise or not. He just knew it happened on the full moon and that apparently it meant being bruised in the morning, at least from what he could tell based on the few times Remus had returned banged up. Well and also that it caused sickness though he wasn't entirely sure if that was a lycanthropy thing or just a Remus being sick often thing.

Professor Corbyn had offered to answer any practical questions James might have. But while James was usually all about asking the nitty-gritty questions to understand he found it much harder to do so about this for some reason.

Then they were clambering up into the shop which usually closed on the eighteenth every year until the students came back. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately because they didn't get caught, even though barely anyone had gone home for the holidays this year the shop was still empty when they entered despite it only being seven o'clock.

So after stuffing their pockets, which again James tried to take a long time doing, and leaving money in which he recounted the amount five times, they went outside their destination unfortunately still the shrieking shack.

James hoped he had done enough but the full moon high in the sky seemed to point out how fruitless of an endeavor his attempts had been. Well at least Remus wouldn't sound like Remus...right? Werewolves howled he was...pretty sure about that at least.

He sorely regretted not taking Professor Corbyn up on his offer to inform him better on werewolves now.

"Woah the moon is so pretty," Peter whispered in awe as they crunched through the snow darting behind buildings and sneaking through back ways, all three of them having had been here enough by now to know the gist of the layout.

"Yeah," Sirius murmured just as quietly sounding strangled. James stopped himself from halting abruptly because there was something so raw in Sirius' voice that surely he must know. "But let's focus on what matters," he continued in an almost overly cheerful tone, slightly louder than he should be, what with being out of grounds without permission after all.

"Shhhh," he hushed since he knew Peter was still too worried Sirius would suddenly be upset with him again to do so.

Sirius knew.

Not really... but there must be some small part of him that suspected at least? Right? Otherwise, he wouldn't have sounded….sounded so broken over Peter's comment. This left James weighing his options carefully. IF Sirius really suspected and wasn't doing anything then maybe he wouldn't do anything if he knew? But the more likely and terrible possibility was that Sirius could not let himself think about Remus being a werewolf and so simply wasn't?

That certainly sounded more like the impulsive boy that was his friend even when he was being so very dumb!

So James decided it was best to keep playing innocent until Sirius could deny the truth no longer, whatever that meant.

"Ooh, there it is!"

"Shhh!"

"Calm down James no one is out here this late or out this far."

"I don't know about that," came the sound of someone from further up ahead, someone who must have been sitting just underneath the hill since none of them could see who it was... yet.

James punched Sirius who was too worried about getting in really big trouble and sent home to retaliate. Peter was trying not to whimper out loud and James was forced to consider options since his other friends weren't capable of it at the moment.

He knew this had been a bad idea and now they'd all pay the price. Dammit!


	55. Chapter Fifty-Five: Ghosties and Ghoulies

Chapter Fifty-Five: Ghosties and Ghoulies

"We won't tell if you don't," he replied, confident none of them would be getting expelled. Whoever it was... sounded young, much too young to be a professor. There was also a slight accent, though James couldn't distinguish which accent it was, which made him certain it was an older student from one of the other schools. Since clearly, older students would be in as much trouble as them, whether they were foreign students or not, they were safe.

But the laughs that responded made him second guess his initial belief.

Dammit, they never should have come out here.

He could almost imagine the howls that might be coming from the Shrieking Shack that was still just slightly out of view, only the very top of it peeking from above the rolling hills.

"Well, we suppose we can live with that. But why on earth are students your age out here?" came a bossy sounding voice he did recognize as the annoying Diogre student who had fittingly befriended Snivellus. James glowered as Arja straightened from where he had been crouching behind the hill, giving them all a haughty look.

How he could be haughty when he was struggling in classes despite being older than them was beyond James' understanding. And he wasn't that much older than them, not old enough to be saying 'students your age' anyways.

What was he doing out here?

"What are you doing out here?" Sirius asked angrily, finding his voice at last.

"We heard about the Shrieking Shack and wanted to check it out. Elmer thought it might be a werewolf that one of the Hogwarts professors is keeping as a pet. Doesn't seem impossible what with Dumbledore hiring that Corbyn bloke. But there's certainly a lot more nights when there are shrieking and howling so I guess you guys just have some really rude ghosts and poltergeists."

"And Dumbledore isn't that crazy!" Sirius protested vehemently and James felt his heart drop. At least the three foreign students who had revealed themselves, one of whom, he realized with a shock was Mihaela the Digores champion, seemed to consider that.

"Well….I don't know about that but after running into Peeves, I suppose it makes more sense that Dumbledore lets him get his crazy out in that shack so he doesn't cause bodily harm to other students, " Arja responded sounding as if he had experienced a close call with the pranking poltergeist who James felt quite fond of at the moment.

"Well did you see anything?" Peter asked in a small voice perhaps hoping if they said no Sirius wouldn't go.

"There's some terrible noises so Arja didn't get close enough," Mihaela teased her brother fondly, though he didn't seem to take it well, face going red.

"I'd like to see those losers try, ow."

"Be nice Arja. What have I told you about disrespecting others," she scolded him and Sirius frowned a little, perhaps thinking of his brother. James tried to guess how Sirius was feeling about the challenge, hoping against hope that maybe the tiny part of him that might suspect the truth about Remus would know this was a bad idea.

"Yeah, I'll go touch it and if I do then you have to admit we're better than you!" Sirius called out triumphantly and Arja made a disgruntled noise.

"What are you guys still doing out here though?" James cut in hoping to sidetrack the conversation before Sirius could take off bolting into the night like the mad man he was.

"Some potions can only be done under the full moon," the third occupant replied casually enough though by the look Mihaela shot him had somehow let something slip.

"We don't need Gideon cheating more than he already does."

"Hey!" James and Sirius shouted out together in matching tones of incredulity causing Mihaela to chuckle.

"See these two boys are part of his little fan club."

"He's our friend!"

"And he doesn't cheat!"

"He's the only one of the champions who knows how to get into the Forbidden Forest; everyone knows that, " Arja retorted angrily and his older sister sighed and shoved his head down slightly nearly making him lose balance.

"My little broder is a rude brat, but he's not wrong."

"Why does the Forbidden Forest matter?" Sirius asked and James was thankful all his attention was now on the three Digores and no longer off into the distance as if he could see into the Shrieking Shack.

"That's where the next task is you idiot!"

"Arja!"

"Sorry sis but they are if they haven't figured it out yet."

"We knew that," James lied quickly, "I just mean why does it matter much? It's not like you guys don't have a chance of figuring out how to enter."

"Harder than you think," Mihaela muttered. Then the older boy with them leaned over and whispered something into her ear that made her grin.

"Well, we could 'blackmail them to tell us Florin. However I doubt three insequential second years know how to get into the forest, and that wouldn't at all be honorable," Mihaela replied sounding thoughtful before adding, "I-ai anunţat?" which James had no idea what it meant but it sounded like a question directed to the third guy, Florin. James shot a look at Sirius who just shrugged not getting what she had said either, which didn't seem at all fair.

James flicked his fingers at Sirius in their own special language, not making any sense but just wanting to show off he could. Then those Digores would know they weren't the only one who could secretly communicate, which luckily Sirius seemed to get as he responded with equal pretend urgency. Mihaela raised a single eyebrow not seeming to care, although Arja glared at them as if expecting them to be making fun of him. Which they would have... if their secret language was more complex.

"Well come on, this potion is ruined now. I recommend you three just go back to the castle. I can't promise my little brother won't be a little dritt."

Arja grinned at them quite threateningly, though rounded on his sister at whatever nonsense she had called him. James was sure the boy wanted to get them in trouble but by the way his sister tugged on him then apparated away, he wouldn't actually be doing anything.

"We should go back," Peter piped up as soon as they were alone and for once James agreed with him.

"Jokes on you lot, we do know how to get in so haaa!" Sirius muttered sticking his tongue out at the empty spot where the three students had been standing prior.

"But I don't put it past that little arse to tell on us Sirius so we should get going," James urged quietly and flinched at the hurt look Sirius shot him.

"What's been up with you lately? Come on James, race you to the shack! Last one there is stuck with doing the others' homework for a week!"

James momentarily forgot about why he didn't want Sirius going to the shack and took off running, he loved a good challenge, and more importantly still he was not about to do Sirius' homework for a week!

…..

They took off running underneath the moonlight with a wild abandon Sirius greatly appreciated. Stupid foreign students! Sirius thought having them here would be cool, and while it mostly was, it was hard to make friends with students who were at least fourth years and who all seemed a bit stuck up in his opinion. Of course, he might have felt differently if one of the girls would go to the dance with him...or if perhaps he hadn't been made to carry out dares with them because of that stupid jelly bean game they had played a while back.

"Sirius, wait up," James called since as hard as he tried to be fast as Sirius, he was woefully slower. Sirius supposed running and hiding for his life after he harassed his cousins had some benefits. He spread out his arms letting the winds rush against him with a laugh. He dared Arja to tell on them, he just dared him because it was too late for Sirius' mom to yank him back home which meant Sirius was invincible.

"Sirius come on!" James panted, the near half a mile to get to the shrieking shack rapidly ending. Sirius slowed slightly.

"Not my fault you can't keep up slow poke," he taunted, sticking his tongue out at James and had his thumbs in his ears, his fingers wiggling mockingly at his friends. "Catch me if you can~".

His taunt had the desired effect and James took off with renewed energy and speed the shack momentarily forgotten as Sirius ran away from James who seemed determined to tackle him to the ground, but of course was too close to.

But then Sirius got close enough to hear and he abruptly stopped running. James, either because his hearing wasn't as good or because he wanted to seize his opportunity did not stop running and bowled himself into Sirius tackling him hard to the ground. However, the shout of his friend's victory died in his throat as a grotesque howl ripped through the night air. The shack was still a ways off, at least a Quidditch field away but…but that noise set every fiber in Sirius' body on high alert. All of his senses were screaming run, that there was something really dangerous ahead.

James felt it too since he had stopped trying to shove his armpit in Sirius' face abruptly and had gone still and tense.

"...I…..I think…..we…..we've gone farther than Arja…"

Sirius wanted to agree, but a monstrous snarling sound sent the idea a werewolf could be in that building running through his mind. Which of course meant getting the hell away would be the smartest course of action, but he found himself still sitting on the grass even after James had gotten off him and onto his feet.

There was something…haunting about the howling and snarling and Sirius sat there listening perhaps hoping to hear other sounds. Because to him it sounded like a werewolf…..or at least what he would imagine a werewolf to sound like.

"You think one of these monsters live in the village?" he asked James who had a far off look in his eyes as he stared at the shack more pity than fear in his eyes which didn't make sense and which Sirius convinced himself he was mistaken on.

"Maybe….come on Sirius it's creepy let's go…"

"If it's a werewolf we could….."

"Do what? Kill it?" James asked harshly a definite sharp bite to his tone that Sirius didn't like.

"Maybe," Sirius snapped back finally getting to his feet as screams and ghoulish laughter floated to his ears making his face go hot as James gave him a satisfied smirk.

"Well go on go kill the werewolf, Sirius. Go play into the ghosts and poltergeists tricks by all means. You know, I heard the really angry poltergeists have been known to dangle people by their feet until they die from all the blood rushing to their head," James teased, though Sirius thought it sounded a bit forced. They were both scared after all, but Sirius wanted James to be more of a scaredy cat than him, even if it meant getting closer to the creepy building.

"Well if it really is just poltergeists, we should be able to get a bit closer. At least I reckon they are trapped in the building," Sirius pointed out, taking two steps closer with a challenging look at James who seemed torn but then took two steps as well.

"This is dumb Sirius let's just go back. There's nothing excited about ghosties and ghoulies and you know it."

"Then why was Arja so scared?"

"Because he's a wimp!"

Sirius snorted in amusement but took two more steps, the shack just really starting to come into view, a sort of invisible force around it making him feel more afraid than he should.

"I want to tell Arja we touched it!"

"Then we can tell him that Sirius, it doesn't have to be the truth."

Sirius gave a dramatic gasp to hide the real one another violent howl had startled out of him.

"How dare you suggest that on... our honor as Marauders we should lie about mischief and pranks. That is not allowed." Sirius explained realizing neither he nor James had taken any more steps stuck halfway up a small hill that then dipped into a field of sorts that the shack rose out of.

"Except when we lie to professors. I know, I know, but surely it doesn't count with students that aren't from Hogwarts," James whined trying purposely to sound as obnoxious as possible to get his way. For being an only child James had some tactics of a younger sibling down pat, though he supposed that may in part be because his parents sometimes seemed more like his friends than parental figures? At least they were a lot less strict than his parents. Although….he supposed that wasn't the best standard to hold them to.

"Fine. But you have to admit I got closer than you," Sirius gloated and watched the inner conflict dance in James' eyes who looked at the shack then Sirius then the shack again.

"Maybe…..a bit closer wouldn't hurt…." James muttered and took several more steps which Sirius matched and then James and then Sirius and soon they were shoving each other and challenging and goading one another as the ghouls shouted and the ghosts screamed. But every time a purposefully wolfish-sounding howl tore through the screams both James and Sirius froze.

Before long they were close enough that Sirius could see the greyish color of the front door.

"Ok….ok I think that's close enough," James pointed out shaking slightly.

"Then…..admit I won…." Sirius shot back also shaking slightly, but only because it was cold.

"...n….never…." James stammered between clenched teeth and stepped half a step farther than Sirius. About to match him Sirius lifted his foot when a particularly nasty sounding growl, which somehow sounded much closer than stil a quarter of a Quidditch field away left Sirius frozen.

Thump, thump, crrrrrrrrk

"AHHHHHH"

They both took off bolting the way they came, the sound of wood splintering and something large slamming itself against the house as if trying to escape in order to eat them more than either boy could handle. It was with a heavy heart that Sirius realized the ghosts and poltergeists were probably cracking up at how well they were able to scare them. But as another howl rang out that made Sirius shiver, he realized he didn't care all that much.

Besides, even if they hadn't touched the Shrieking Shack, they had gotten really close, well Peter didn't even try, but James sure as heck did and Sirius was just glad his friend was back to normal….sort of. He still had the feeling he was missing something, but as they headed back to Hogsmeade to head back to the castle, he wasn't all that sure if he wanted to know what.

There was something forming in his mind, a scary possibility about things that howl in the night...hauntingly howling and growling. He knew it was the damn ghosts being cruel but they had succeeded in sounding like….like some beast wanting to tear them limb from limb. He shuddered wishing those terrible sounds hadn't been so….so chilling. He was just spooked, that was all it was, and those bloody Digores had gotten into his head about there being a werewolf and other such nonsense.

James seemed really pale but Sirius just convinced himself he was as freaked out as he was as they headed back. It was just creepy ass ghosts and poltergeists, Dumbledore wouldn't let something as dangerous as a monster be so close to Hogwarts.

Or would he?

Sirius wished he could be sure.

"Boo!" Peter shouted having been crouched down on the other side of the little rolling hill in waiting.

Sirius jumped a foot in the air letting out a shout of surprise fumbling for his wand, expecting some gruesome looking poltergeist to start throwing things at him, now haunting him because he had gone much too close to the dilapidated, truly haunted, looking shack that the howls and demonic sounding screams had come out of. There wasn't a werewolf in it though, Arja was stupid and Dumbledore wouldn't allow such a thing. Well…..he certainly hoped he wouldn't. Still, there was the nagging understanding that any headmaster that let a vampire enter the walls of the castle as a guest had to be scrutinized closely. Everyone knew Dumbledore was a bit mad after all, in the best way possible….usually.

"Peter I'm going to kill you!" James shouted, having the smaller boy in a headlock letting out tense laughter as Peter pleaded for forgiveness laughing as well. Sirius quite suddenly didn't feel particularly well, otherwise he would have joined in. However, a sort of restless agitation had been growing in him ever since he had turned his back on that damn shack. Maybe he was just upset for getting so spooked over nothing.

Still he had a feeling something was….was really wrong.

Even entertaining for the second that Dumbledore might let a monster so close to Hogwarts was making him feel sick and angry. What if Corbyn brought a werewolf into the class? Maybe someone in Hogsmeade was a werewolf? Although, the notion there were poltergeists throwing wild parties and playing pretend made sense. Still, if there was a werewolf in Hogsmeade, they should be turned into the ministry before they hurt someone because that's what they did….that's what all dark creatures did despite whatever stupid Professor Corbyn was trying to get them to believe. And it was going to take a heck of a lot to ever change Sirius' opinion on the matter.


	56. Chapter Fifty-Six: Mr. Howell

Chapter Fifty-Six: Mr. Howell

TWS: Self Deprecating Thoughts, Implications of Kidnapping and Details of Confinement

…

Remus groaned, head throbbing, his vision swimming in and out of focus. It had been a bad full moon, worse than it had been in a while. Why? Fighting with Sirius maybe. He still felt frustrated with himself for always bothering his friends. Also, there was some frustration at them for getting him in trouble that he had thought would dissipate by now. If only he hadn't gone into the Forbidden Forest, but if he hadn't, James probably would have died or at least would have been so injured Patricia would have been expelled.

Although….. maybe she should have been expelled since Remus certainly wasn't happy with her and she had been reckless to bring them. ...Still, deep down he knew the forest going crazy wasn't her fault but….if her group had been attacked instead of his, he couldn't imagine what would have happened. Patricia certainly wasn't as strong with her spells as Gideon was and Peter, while Remus cared about the boy dearly, it was a fact he struggled with some spells even without the threat of death looming over him. Remus sighed his head still pounding as he fought to stay conscious, it all felt very heavy. He had just wanted to have a good time with his friends this year. He already said he'd tell them at the end of the year so why couldn't they let him enjoy the time he had left? Why couldn't they understand that?

Or perhaps the bad full moon was caused by the worry about his father, or more specifically how angry his father was with him. Professor McGonagall had held Remus subtly after detention a few days ago and explained to him his father had been adamant he not be allowed to join in the Triwizard Tournament festivities. Remus still was a little in awe that Professor McGonagall had 'regretfully' informed Remus' father that attendance was mandatory and he would be marked down for not going. She had handed the letter Remus' father had then written to him in response that she was told to make sure he read it but that she was 'trusting his instincts' and would essentially leave it up to him to read or not.

He still hadn't read it.

That must be it. That must be why the wolf had torn into his leg nearly past repair. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey was very good at what she did, had he been home with his father he would have surely lost it. His father….no his own actions…..and his stupid friend's actions were to blame for him spending more time than usual in the hospital ward.

He was to blame for Madam Pomfrey crying over him when she thought he was still unconscious gently running her hand through his hair with so much concern radiating through her that he was forced to consider what deep down he already knew.

What was happening to him wasn't normal even for a werewolf.

It was scary….the adults were scared even if they were trying to hide it and protect him from the truth.

Strangely, this brought him some calm and a surprising resolve as he decided he would never open his father's angry letter. Because his parents, though it saddened him to think of his mom being an accomplice, had 'protected him from the truth' once before... regarding a friend he supposedly never had.

He started thinking about the little blond boy in his nightmares but ended up losing the battle to stay awake, slipping into unconsciousness again still in so much pain.

…

"I can't do it," came an unfamiliar voice that sent every part of him on high alert. Pushing himself up from the dirty ground, he struggled to his feet and then inhaled sharply at what he saw his breath hitching with terror.

He turned around looking for an out, for an escape, panic immediately constricting him, and fell to his knees gasping. He knew this place….this den…..this underground cave of sorts which seemed far too small for his now bigger self. He forced himself not to black-out only vaguely aware that blacking out in a nightmare might not be possible.

Squinting through tears that streamed down his cheeks, he saw the chains on the wall and the uncomfortable bed he had hid under more times than he could count. He could smell the nasty gagging smell that came from leaving a small child alone with nothing but a bucket to use for a toilet for months.

Months?

No…..no that wasn't right…

Remus let out a scream and with the sheer force of his terror, flung himself from the strange dream back into reality flinging the blankets off of his skin which felt like it was burning and trying to get up, shaking so badly, though quickly losing conscious thought on what it was that had caused him to panic so much.

It had to do with the boy…..the boy….who….who….. He hunched over on his bed both hands pressed against his head as if he could squeeze away the pain that overshadowed the pain from his mangled leg.

"Remus…...Remus, dear please calm down. Look at me."

He felt gentle hands tug on him and he allowed his fists that he had been hitting against a large portion of the cause of his anger and pain to be pulled away from his head.

"Mum," he sniffled not realizing how out of it the combination of fever, pain, and panic was making him. He thought he heard the sound of someone sobbing and he was embraced but was feeling so heavy again that he drifted off back into a thankfully less confusing nightmare this time.

This meant, howeve,r that he was unaware of someone gently tucking him back into bed and changing his bandages around his once more bleeding ankle with a heavy heart.

…

Remus read the last page on yet another book Sirius had given him and sighed in boredom. He had finished his homework and was feeling much better, even able to put pressure on his leg now. Hopefully, this meant Madam Pomfrey would be letting him go soon. Butshe had been more hesitant than usual to let him leave her sight which he tried and failed not to feel some annoyance over.

It was hard not to when each day he spent in the bleak hospital ward was another day his friends were worrying. He had tried, with as much patience as he could muster to point this out to the matron but she had just replied in a huff that his friends were used to his disappearances and that if his leg didn't properly heal he'd be in here for more than four days.

Four days!

It seemed excessive, though he could hardly remember the first two days. That didn't stop him from feeling restless though.

"Madam Pomfrey please," he attempted again as he obediently took the disgusting potion she thrust at him that returned proper blood flow to his now much more ordinary looking leg.

"Oh yes, I hear in your voice I'm being unreasonable again, aren't I? My apologies" She said sharply, sarcasm heavy in her voice. He flinched and hung his head and her voice softened. "Remus your tendons were in shreds and your bones were splintered. Thankfully you're young and heal fast, but goodness child, that's not some easily mendable injury. It's nothing to scoff at."

"But…." he carefully kept his tone hesitant, not wanting her to think he wasn't grateful, because he was, he really truly was. "But I feel better…..my leg's a bit sore, but I'll be careful."

Madam Pomfrey's look said it all even if she wasn't able to speak due to an interruption that made Remus jolt.

"Knock knock," Professor Corbyn said his eyes closed with a dorky grin on his face. "The door was cracked but I don't want to intrude so if I'm not wanted I can go but I'd like a quick word with Mr. Lupin if possible."

"Yes that's alright professor," Remus replied quickly because even feeling uncomfortable with the man who knew what he was, seemed a better option than dealing with Madam Pomfrey's hovering for one more instance.

"How are you feeling Mr. Lupin?" Professor Corbyn asked in a tone that made Remus suspect he knew what the extent of his injuries had been this time.

Sometimes Remus wondered if all the professors at Hogwarts knew. He was certain most of them did, though at the very least he was certain Professor Slughorn who still didn't get his name right was oblivious which brought him some comfort. Still, it was hard not to imagine them all gathered at a table discussing him like he was some….some helpless problem child to be either pitied or the cause of frustration.

"Much better," he replied, glad his voice didn't quiver and give away his discomfort and trepidation over all of this. He could feel the matron's eyes digging into him as if expecting him to start sobbing and admit he was still in overwhelming pain. He was still in quite a bit of pain but he could handle that better than he could handle several more days here, let alone several more hours.

"Might I have a moment with my student alone Madam Pomfrey, if that's alright of course?"

"Yes, yes that's fine but he needs to take more of the Bobuter Puss Potion in half an hour."

Remus tried not to make a face as she left even though the thing was absolutely vile tasting, but even the name sounded gross and Professor Corbyn's slight chuckle made him realize he hadn't hidden his displeasure of it well.

"She certainly is thorough, you have to give her that," the young man mused gesturing to the chair near Remus' bed with a question in his eyes. "May I?"

"Yes," he replied since he wasn't sure what to say. No, stay by the door because you've already seen me at my worst more times than I'm comfortable with? "That's fine."

"Excellent! I have several things I want to discuss but only if you're up for it. Madam Pomfrey seems to think the longer she keeps you in here, the safer you are but I brought along a friend who may be able to persuade her otherwise," his professor said with a wink which made Remus immediately think he must mean Dumbledore. Since who else could actually persuade the matron of anything?

"Do you think he'll be able to persuade her?" he asked eagerly hoping Dumbledore stopped in to talk to him for a bit before feeling guilty at wanting that because the headmaster had been so busy with both the tournament and war that Remus was sure there would be bags under the older man's eyes if they weren't always permanently crinkled in a smile.

"Who can say. But I find Mr. Howell is an expert on the matter which I think you know. He's staying in Hogsmeade for the night since he had a rough go of it this month as well as he's helping me out in class tomorrow."

Remus didn't need to catch the look in Professor Corbyn's eye to know exactly what that meant.

"I don't usually change my lesson plans but considering everything, if you aren't comfortable with it then we can push it back to further in the year…..though….I'm sorry to report it won't be Mr. Howell discussing the matter then and I find he will probably be a more persuading presenter on the matter than myself."

"How did you know I knew?" Remus asked, feeling ill.

"Mr. Howell knew and…..if you're up to it he'd like to talk to you."

Remus couldn't suppress the shudder that spread across his whole body and made him suddenly go cold. He had no reason to be so afraid of the guest speaker who seemed kind, but he was...he was so very scared which must have been obvious to see.

"Perhaps if you two weren't alone. I wouldn't press the matter only…..well I really do think the two of you should talk."

Remus felt himself nod even as the room spun around and he seemed to float despite still laying on the bed.

"Wonderful. I'm sure you won't regret it. I'll be right back...and Mr. Lupin this may go without saying but you are certainly exempt from tomorrow's lesson if you wish to be."

Remus thought about that, or tried to, but everything was spinning so fast he had to keep his focus on the air entering and leaving his nostrils. Had to focus on every pained breath to prevent himself from passing out. Although he blurrily recalled if he did pass out, it wouldn't be the first time he had done so during his stay this time. But the sound of footsteps approaching brought him back down to reality and away from him trying to remember why he had passed out before and why his head hurt so bad in trying to remember. Then the door opened and Mr. Howell who was bruised badly with a bloody swollen lip entered, a hat pulled down over his head so that Remus couldn't see his eyes.

Even for the few seconds it took for Professor Corbyn to enter behind the slightly older man Remus' fear spiked and he actually inched his hand out of the blankets so he could grab his wand if need be. It was a move definitely noted by Mr. Howell and it made his cheeks heat with shame, what was wrong with him!

"Nice to properly meet you outside of the classroom Mr. Lupin though I suppose it's not the first time."

The older man sounded very uncomfortable, refusing to sit, his hat still preventing Remus from seeing his eyes. Maybe he was missing one from his transformation….well that thought wasn't helpful at all. Remus pulled the blanket tighter around him as if he could shield himself from the very awkward silence. Then what the man had said actually sunk in.

"Huh?"

"Oh well….yes you were a mere infant back then….."

Remus' vision went splotchy as his brain shouted at him this must be Greyback standing in front of him even if the man looked nothing like what he now knew Greyback to look like. Despite his injuries he tried to fling himself off the bed in a cold panic, fingers curling around his wand and pointing it shakily at the man who looked taken aback then frantic.

"Oh that didn't come out right! Sorry, I'm nervous. You see I worked…..with your dad….we were….eh friends…...I was over at your house a few times that's all."

Remus dropped the wand stunned, a friend of his dad's that was a werewolf? That didn't seem possible.

"You're his friend? Really?" he asked dubiously, glancing at Professor Corbyn who was appearing not to be paying attention, leafing through some papers it looked like he was grading instead.

"Was…...it's been... awhile."

Remus was left just feeling confused, not at all sure of what to make of this information or why he had been told it.

"What….happened?" he asked slowly, worried he didn't want to know the answer.

"We worked in a dangerous department sometimes there are…..were….er casualties…"

Professor Corbyn must have been paying attention after all because he set the assignments down turning to face Remus with a serious expression that seemed to know exactly where his thoughts were going.

"He was bitten before you were Remus," his professor replied calmly and Remus felt his chest ease up a little bit and finally unclenched his fist from around his wand though he left it on his bed not caring if that seemed rude or not.

"Yes, before you... sorry, I should have clarified I'm just truly more nervous than I thought I'd be," Mr. Howell sighed, looking frustrated at himself. Remus wondered what on earth there was to be nervous about, but he couldn't deny the young man seemed positively jittery.

"That's alright," he replied kindly with sympathy for this old friend of his dad's.

"No….no it isn't. I'm causing you distress….I can't do this I'm sorry I thought I could but I can't…."

Finally, the man looked up his sad brownish-gold eyes filled with tears. He gave Remus a heart-wrenching small smile, whispering something under his breath he couldn't hear then turned to go brushing past Professor Corbyn who attempted to stop him.

"Please wait…." Remus cried unsure what was going on but sensing it was important, vitally important to get to know this man more, and now wanting to talk to this peculiar young man more than ever.

"Just…...know that not all werewolves fall under Greyback's reign. I'm terribly sorry I never should have come," the older werewolf choked out, stopping in the doorway, his hand leaning against the frame shaking so bad Remus wasn't quite sure how he could stand upright.

Remus' mouth fell open as the door swung shut behind the distraught sounding man and turned to gape at his professor who looked quite guilty.

"What…...what was that?" he whispered, "Who was that? I have so many questions professor. Why did he leave so upset? Was he turned by,... When…..why?" he stammered vaguely aware of his professor's mouth moving a sad expression on his face but his ears were ringing and he couldn't make sense of what was being said.

He watched his professor's expression turn from concern to alarm but Remus was already falling back onto his pillow his vision going from spotty to pitch black, as overwhelmed by all of it. He slipped back into unconsciousness for several more hours and dreamed of his mother which was such a nice change of pace he didn't at all mind even when waking from the dream left him with an ache in his chest he wasn't sure would ever leave.


	57. Chapter Fifty-Seven: Lessons From Lily

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Lessons From Lily

TWS: Mentions of Death and Implications of Abuse (only in the first half of the chapter)

"What did you do?" Remus shouted predictably upset and Sirius jumped up and down on his bed with glee, though why James looked guilty was beyond him. As soon as the stupid ball was over he was going to sit both James and Remus down for a very long talk so they could figure shit out about Lily once and for all. Or maybe he'd just lock them into a broom closet and not let them out until they made up.

"Sirius stop it I'm serious! Do you know how dangerous that was?" Remus shouted, very distressed. Maybe Sirius shouldn't have told him about their adventure, James had tried to get him not to but that had just made Sirius want to tell Remus about it even more. Besides, the whole point was to upset him...wasn't it? Only did he have to look that sad? ….It wasn't at all fair.

Sirius stopped jumping not even daring to say "no I'm Sirius" like he normally would, and slumped onto his bed trying not to feel like a dumb little chastized kid.

"Well don't leave next month and we won't do it again. Right guys?" Both James and Peter nodded looking nervous though he wasn't sure why until he looked away from them and back at Remus who once more looked quite angry, intimidatingly angry.

"Woah…," he fell back off of his bed as the spell, Remus must have whispered, knocked him onto the floor. He struggled to his feet pulling out his wand, only not sure what good it would do him. It's not like he was going to use it on Remus, well maybe to send him stumbling too since that was only fair, but nothing else. He didn't even feel angry at Remus, though he was really trying to be since his friend had no right to look so blood cross and make him feel bad when he had done nothing wrong!

"You can't go back there Sirius I mean it! Not to the Whomping Willow, not to the Shrieking Shack, and not to the Forbidden Forest!"

"We didn't go there, we were too tired afterward but maybe next month we will," Sirius replied, frustration starting to rise. Who did Remus think he was? "And you aren't the boss of us so stop bloody acting like it."

Remus let out a strangled sound of frustration and seemed to be battling himself over something. Sirius wasn't sure if he was going to collapse onto the floor or start full out yelling at them. Instead, his shoulders slumped and the weariness that had been on his face when he had first returned to them, walking through their door a short half an hour ago looking like he just wanted to collapse and sleep, appeared once more.

But Remus Lupin didn't get to sleep, not after being gone a whole four days! Not with returning with a limp that he was doing his bloody best to hide! Anger finally surfaced in Sirius and he ignored James' shout of warning shouting a spell at Remus. The spell sent him tumbling backward robes askew, furious golden eyes which had been glaring with an intensity that should have made him nervous if he hadn't been too upset at the moment, going wide.

"Relax, James I'm just paying him back. He was the fool who shot a spell at me in the first place!"

"Actually I did," James interjected with such frustration in his voice that Sirius immediately felt bad then outraged.

"Why did you do that!"

"Because Sirius! Remus looks exhausted and maybe you could wait till he sleeps to start making him feel really guilty about something he may or may not have any control over!" James replied flatly, an annoyance in his eyes that should have been directed at Remus not at him!

"W….w…," Sirius spluttered trying to find the right words, gesturing with his hands as if that would help.

What was going on with everyone lately!?

"Sirius please….please just stop hurting him!" James shouted now looking distressed himself and Sirius looked back to gesture to an angry Remus who was upset but clearly not hurt only to find him gone.

"I don't understand...he was mad…..way too mad…."

"Sirius…." James pinched his nose and Sirius hated that as the oldest of the group he suddenly felt like the dumbest and youngest. It didn't help that Peter was looking at him disapprovingly….Peter! "His mom DIED! I think it warrants him being overly scared about his best mates doing dangerous stuff!"

Sirius froze realizing he hadn't considered that.

"Oh…."

"Yeah, oh. Now come here," James gestured and Sirius walked over knowing he was going to get whacked and that he deserved it, better than getting cursed at it. Instead, James pulled him towards him so they were huddled together, his friend's arm draped around his shoulder, and Sirius felt guilty for even momentarily thinking James would hurt him as his family did. "Sirius you're my best mate but sometimes someone needs to stop you taking it too far. And….and sometimes someone needs to be on Remus' side because he's been through a lot and I think the poor bloke deserves that much."

"Guys…..I can't hear you when you whisper," Peter whined but they both ignored him.

"Do…..do you think I'll hurt him again…... James….?" Sirius struggled not to suddenly start crying, "I don't want to hurt him only if I do you have to promise to tell me off, promise to take his side ok…."

"Are you sure?" James asked, sounding surprised, and the fact that he didn't reassure Sirius he'd never hurt Remus again, made him nod and force James to promise him. He might not be able to control his temper at times and apparently didn't at all get what losing a parent did to Remus but he could at the very least make sure James had Remus' back since he knew…..admitted to himself...that he was sometimes too stubborn to.

"He was limping though, James," he whined but stopped realizing he sounded a bit too like Peter for his comfort.

"I know," James sighed heavily, sounding stressed. "But…..but think about it, Sirius. If your family was forcing you to come home would you be able to say no...like actually say no….?"

Sirius shook his head and tried to tell James he didn't think that was it with Remus, but James ignored him which was incredibly rude and a bit suspicious. But if James really knew what was going on with Remus he would absolutely tell him there was no doubt. James just liked acting like the more mature one from time to time and pretending he was the leader of the group when they all knew it was actually Sirius who was.

"Guess not…," he admitted when James obnoxiously repeated the question again.

"And if we….well if we did…..dangerous stuff you'd mind….not for the same reason as Remus but…...but it wouldn't be fair to you right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Sirius grumbled.

"So maybe….lay off him a bit? He's going to tell us at the end of the year but if you push it like this he might not anymore."

Sirius realized James was right and hated it.

"When did you get so wise?"

"Been taking lessons from Lily," James said without the least bit hint of mockery in his voice which left Sirius stunned, so stunned he didn't have the wits about him to tease him for it.

"I….huh….."

James let him go and beamed at him, incorrectly taking Sirius' lack of rude response to mean he now approved of James pining after her.

"She's still going to make you a right stick in the mud if you let her."

"Oh come on Sirius she's not that bad. And hey when we get married you'll be my best man no doubt."

Sirius wanted to tease James, really he did, the git deserved it after shooting a spell at him, but he looked so earnest Sirius didn't have the heart. Hopefully, he'd just get over Lily sooner rather than later.

"Hey, I want to be your best man!" Peter shouted having been slowly inching his way closer to hear their whispered conversation, the little sneak.

Sirius flicked the smaller boy's head playfully and stuck his tongue at him.

"Too late!"

"Actually I think you two should fight to the death over it," James laughed then the smile left his face as he looked to the door with an expression that left Sirius in no doubt of who he was thinking of. "Fight to the death and I'll be back."

When did James start looking….so old? It didn't at all fit him and it left Sirius worried their foolish antics wouldn't last much longer.

"It's mine!" Peter laughed, launching himself at Sirius with an enlarged pillow. Sirius grinned wickedly, dodging it. Well, he'd leave Remus to James this time. He'd apologize to Remus tomorrow and as much as it pained him... promise to whatever stipulations there would be. He didn't think it made all that much sense to be so paranoid about everyone just because one of your parents died, from natural causes, but he really didn't want to hurt Remus again.

…..

"Remus."

Surprised it wasn't Sirius, he looked up from his spot on one of the plush chairs by the fire. James gestured for him to follow him because there were still quite a few students in the common room, which had kept Remus from crying. He didn't particularly want to walk on his recently repaired ankle that had been mangled so badly because….because stupid morons had been by the shrieking shack making the blood lust this moon especially bad. He shuddered and his vision went spotty remembering the pain he had been in, and almost worse, Madam Pomfrey's panic.

They don't know any better.

He had to remind himself of that often, since otherwise he would probably just shake his head and ignore James. Instead, he nodded and gently got to his feet. He hadn't been expecting to go flying earlier, not when he hadn't been the one to shoot the spell at Sirius in the first place. Still, it was deserved. He shouldn't have been so angry, it wasn't his friends' faults... they didn't know any better.

James watched him looking uncharacteristically nervous again and Remus felt really bad. he never should have agreed to go with Lily to the upcoming dance, even if James had 'been ok with it'. He had to walk slowly and honestly would have stayed another night in the hospital ward even if Mr. Howell had somehow convinced Madam Pomfrey to let Remus decide when to leave. But then he had heard the matron muttering about yet another student covered in bruises over what she thought must be duels. But Remus had known what it had been immediately and had been furious.

He should have known his friends would never tell a professor, he really shouldn't have left it up to them, but it didn't stop the anger nor the guilt from twisting around inside him.

"You ok Remus?" James asked casually enough, though there was something about his gaze which made Remus' insides squirm. He didn't suspect, did he? Maybe James being weird had nothing to do with Lily….but that couldn't be it because in the past James had made the same terribly hurtful comments about werewolves as Sirius.

Only he hadn't been making them lately…

But that must be because he was trying to 'woo Lily' as he had been reminding them every other day.

Well, he'd find out tomorrow if James suspected him or not.

"Just a bit sore," he whispered, "from getting knocked backward."

"Sorry I didn't think he'd think it was you…."

Neither had Remus, and the fact that Sirius had jumped to the conclusion it had been him despite Remus not even having his wand on him just….just didn't seem right.

Why would Sirius think he'd do that?

Even if he was upset surely Sirius understood by now he felt guilty enough as it was just shouting at them. He'd never fire a spell at his friends in anger, not ever! And….and it hurt Sirius thought he would... Even if he had just been upset and not thinking clearly Sirius had still jumped to that conclusion and that hurt more than Sirius sending that spell back at him.

"Remus….Remus?"

He jolted himself feeling more distracted lately, but he supposed he was still shaken over Mr. Howell and just really worried about tomorrow. How could he not be!

"Sorry, James I'm really tired."

"I figured we could go for a bit of a walk first. Let Peter and Sirius beat themselves to death with pillows over who's going to be my best man," James gave a tense laugh, a really tense laugh. He had stopped walking and was looking at Remus with a grave expression.

Both James and him started talking at the same time.

"Remus I…."

"James, I'm sorry about Lily," he blurted figuring it was better to apologize before James asked him to not go with her. Because he cared about his friend dearly but it wouldn't be fair to Lily if James asked him not to go with her and….if he was being honest he wanted to go with Lily. He had never had anyone want to dance with a werewolf before, besides his mother, and he was a bit fascinated to find out if she'd go through with it or not.

"Huh….oh…but that's not…..I mean...well….it's alright…... I mean…..yeah….I said you could so…...sorry I've been so weird I just….Lily she….and you…..," James fumbled for the words sounding really disappointed.

"I'm really really sorry James but you should know Lily and I talked and both of our feelings are strictly platonic."

James gave him a sharp look laced with suspicion.

"You said you didn't have any feeling for her though! What do you mean you have pla….platonic stuff for her?" James looked and sounded really frustrated so Remus held up his hands not wanting to be sent flying for a second time tonight. He didn't think he would be able to physically stand if it happened again.

"Platonic just means we view each other as friends and nothing more. She's a precious friend to me but I promise I don't have any desire to date her nor will I ever."

James looked taken aback by that then suspicious again.

"What is that supposed to mean? You can't possibly know that won't change someday."

"I don't want to date anyone...ever." It's too dangerous too. Not that he could find anyone to date him anyway. "I'm just….not interested in...I'm too much of a swot to date anything but my books," he gave a little chuckle hoping James would laugh as well and they could just get over the whole LIly thing.

Only James suddenly looked so incredibly sad that Remus had to run through the entire conversation again wondering if it was something he said.

"James, what's wrong?"

"Remus I just…...don't know what to do," he sighed and actual tears fell down his cheeks. "I've never felt so helpless before."

Remus felt a stab of sympathy for his friend and pulled James into a hug that the boy must have really needed since he hugged Remus back very tightly indeed.

"It will be ok James it will be alright," he assured him quite relieved he didn't have to worry about liking anyone.

"How do you know?" James sniffed.

"She'll see your good traits one day," Remus replied simply knowing he couldn't promise Lily would like his friend one day but he really did think she'd see James as more than arrogant... eventually at least. It would help if he acted less arrogant around her first, but Remus didn't think James wanted to hear that right now. James was silent for a long time.

"Thank mate. And if….if you ever do like someone I'll support you. I'll be the best wingman ever. Just….just…..you need to let me know how I can help you ok?" James asked, his voice sounding thick and Remus let out a laugh.

"Really you don't need to worry about that with me James. Thanks though I appreciate it. Only I think you'll have your hands full with being the wingman for Peter and Sirius."

Finally, James laughed and let Remus go of the hug that was feeling quite long. It was only after James let him go that Remus realized Sirius had hugged him for much much longer than that without it feeling too long….strange.

"Well it seems like Peter is going to end up with Marlene so he's good and I'm pretty sure Sirius is a lost cause," James sighed but this time it was dramatically, a smile in his eyes even as he grimaced as if thinking of something unpleasant. "I reckon it will take a bloody saint to put up with him."

Remus laughed feeling relieved he and James could be alone and talking normally again without it being weird between them at all. Remus should have talked to him about Lily sooner he had just been so scared James would say he couldn't go to the dance with her which would result in someone being mad at him.

"Funny, Lily said the same thing about you."

James's eyes widened comically then he practically beamed with so much enthusiasm that it made Remus a little regretful he'd never feel that way about someone.

"Good thing she is one then."

"I'll be sure to tell her you said that then," Remus teased knowing even if he did Lily wouldn't believe it. He wished she could see this side of James and then maybe just maybe she might at least consider giving the poor smitten boy a chance.

"Could you? Really? Also, tell her she has the best hair and eyes and her smile is intoxicating," James ranted passionately and Remus suppressed an eye roll.

"Maybe just write her a poem," he pointed out teasingly only to see James' eyes sparkle.

"You're brilliant Lupin, just brilliant! Hah! Wait…... I don't know how to write poetry though. Would you help me?"

Remus shook his head trying to keep in his laughter as they turned the corner now heading back to their common room before lights out.

"What makes you think I'd know the first thing about poetry?"

"Well...you...you're a big book lover."

"You mean a swot," Remus laughed and James elbowed him with a grin.

"Your words not mine."

"I thought you were supposed to be trying to convince me to help you not insulting me."

"Wait….you aren't going to help me. Remus? Remus?"

Remus ignored James' now panicked sounding pleas, the boy all but falling to his knees and bit back a grin, a plan forming in his mind.

"Alright, alright but you need to declare how much smarter I am than you," he pointed out with a mischievous grin his flushed friend missed. He watched James think through the pros and cons of this not realizing where they had ended up. "And properly beg me on your knees," he added as an afterthought because he really was quite frustrated with all his friends still and he knew at the moment James would beg.

"Swallow Succulus," he whispered to the Fat Lady who raised an eyebrow as James dropped to his knees and started begging not seeming to realize the portrait had opened and several Gryffindors were watching his excitable proclamation that Remus wasn't a swot but was a genius and much smarter than him. Then several Gryffindors started laughing and James noticed, not really caring until he realized Lily was still in the common room and shaking her head at him, then his face went quite red.

"Remus Lupin you're evil," he groaned teasingly and Remus shrugged smiling.

"Guess you shouldn't have lied about the Whomping Willow then hm?"

He left James kneeling there stunned and laughed quietly to himself as he walked into the common room.

Well, he was a Marauder after all.

Now he just had to think about how to get back at the ever infuriating Sirius Black.


	58. Chapter Fifty-Eight: Man or Monster?

Chapter Fifty-Eight: Man or Monster?

AN: I am SO sorry everyone. Some family matters have arisen which is why I missed the past weeks><. I have two chapters for you all tonight (though I know it is Wednesday, not Tuesday) but unfortunately, it will probably be another two weeks since you hear from me again because the family matters have not gotten better yet and the holidays will probably just made things worse. Again I'm sorry everyone><. I made this chapter extra long so enjoy! Feel free to break it in half to read at two different times or read it all at once, whatever your preference is. Thanks for your understanding :D

TW: Implications of a Panic Attack

Sirius was very disappointed when Remus was gone when he woke up, even though he had woken up early after a night of stressful dreams. He stood up groaning and stretching his back, quite sore. It was Peter's fault for being such an excellent pillow fighter, or maybe James' fault since both Peter and he had collapsed onto the floor after laughing themselves hoarse about how dumbstruck James would be if Lily ever agreed to date him let alone marry the poor bloke and had proceeded to fall asleep on the floor, neither Remus or James waking them up.

Smiling to himself about Peter's accurate description of James being a bumbling tomato around Lily he walked downstairs, his amusement from last night turning into concern. Remus wasn't even in the common room like he usually was. But Sirius was too tired and a bit too stubborn to search the whole castle for him. However, as an hour ticked by he realized maybe he should do that after all. Only luckily James woke up at the nick of time and explained to him he didn't think Remus was all that mad anymore but that he was still out for revenge as any proper Marauder would be.

"He got me back really good for the Whomping Willow thing though Sirius. I mean it. You better watch your back," James explained relating with begrudging pride how Remus had made him look like a fool in front of about seven Gryffindors. "I wouldn't have cared but Lily was there, Sirius. Lily!"

Sirius listened to a still half asleep James complain about Remus at the same time he also sang Remus' praises, something about a poem and a wingman. But despite James' reassurances about Remus, he was a bit worried he had messed things up badly with his friend. When Remus wasn't at breakfast both Peter and James slowly began to worry that maybe Sirius really had 'botched things up good this time.' Or as Peter so kindly put it 'screwed the pooch'.

Sirius had tried to ask Lily for help by the end of the meal since if he was being completely honest, he was panicking. But Lily was treating him quite coldly which didn't help his worry over the matter and when James had tried to get her help she had just replied with a rather devious grin she'd only tell him if he got on his knees and said she was smarter than him.

"Come on guys let's go," James fumed, face dark red.

"But I'm not finished," Peter grumbled.

"Come on!"

They all left the meal early which meant they got to their class ridiculously early.

"James we have a reputation to maintain," Sirius pointed out looking around at the still-empty classroom disapprovingly. Marauders did not arrive to class early! Well, Remus probably did but he was the only exception.

"I had to get out of there," James moaned between his fingers.

"What do you care James she's laughed at you loads of times….she's said a lot worse about you too," Peter attempted to console the red face boy.

"You don't understand, it's not about what she said. I…. I was going to bloody do it," he groaned, "there's something really wrong with me."

"I'd say! You should have done it. Take one for the team." Sirius laughed at James' lackluster glare which didn't look terribly threatening since his friend wouldn't pry his fingers off his face which was still red as a tomato.

"Git!"

"But quit freaking out about a girl and help me figure out how to make things right with Remus!"

"You do realize you're telling me to stop freaking out over Lily so you can freak out over Remus right?" James asked cheekily, finally appearing from behind his hands. Sirius rolled his eyes and punched him as they hovered outside the classroom.

"Shut up, that's different."

"Yeah, Sirius would never give Remus flowers, like you wanted to the other day," Peter teased and James went scarlet again declaring passionately he was completely done having a crush on Evans.

"Well, maybe I would if it would make him forgive me," Sirius half teased feeling a bit embarrassed himself when James and Peter laughed uproariously at him as if it was that stupid of an idea.

What was he going to do?

What if Remus made him promise never to go to the Forest and Hogsmeade again? Surely he wouldn't really do that but Sirius was forced to consider, quite uncomfortably, if Remus told him he'd forgive him if he dropped to his knees and stated he was smarter than Sirius if he'd actually do it.

He wasn't at all happy with the answer.

"Alright quit laughing at me! You two are partly to blame as well!" Sirius accused and Peter had replied with an infuriating smile that he'd just say he was dragged into it while James pointed out smugly he was pretty sure Remus had already gotten his revenge on him before groaning through his fingers at how Lily had looked at him.

"If I wasn't so impressed I'd be pissed," James grumbled and Sirius laughed at him finding it much easier to think about how Remus had knocked James down a peg than think about what he may do to him. He decided The Marauders all needed to sign something that made them swear not to prank each other….well…..well maybe only Remus should sign it. And Peter and James because as the boss Sirius should be allowed to prank the lot of them whenever he wanted!

"Excuse me, boys."

The three of them stopped teasing James who was all but convinced Lily would hold over his head for the rest of his life how he had grovelled to Remus, which was certainly likely.

"Goodmorning Professor Corbyn," James called, straightening up from his hunched over position where he had been lamenting his short-lived life, cheeks still pink.

Sirius scowled refusing to greet their professor as Peter gave his greeting as well. James had a respect for their D.A.D.A. professor that he absolutely hated! It was made worse by the fact that predictably Peter followed suit. Out of the four of them, only Remus seemed to be a bit hesitant toward the man, and he still seemed to like him though he tried to hide it, unlike Peter and James who were now adamant over 'what a good professor Corbyn was'.

"How are you doing today Mr. Black?" Professor Corbyn asked him and he shrugged.

"Guess that depends if we're having another stinky monster in our class today."

He ignored James' flinch and Professor's Corbyn's frown and stalked into the classroom first since walking down either hall instead was coincidentally blocked by James and his professor.

So he was the first person to see Mr. Howell looking….unwell.

The man had a bloodied lip and dark bags under his eyes. He was collapsed into a chair looking half asleep though one eye opened lazily when Sirius walked in, frozen in place with concern for the older man.

"Blimey, Mr. Howell you alright? Did you get mugged or something?" Sirius asked not sure why he suddenly started feeling ill. The older man gave a half-smile.

"Came face to face with a beast and lived to tell the tale."

Sirius' eyes went wide and his worry and sickly anxious feeling turned to amazement.

"Woah!"

"That's incredible!" James said in awe from slightly behind Sirius.

"Boys if you're going to be in here early don't harass my guest," Professor Corbyn stated as he started writing on the board. He didn't sound at all annoyed though. So Peter, James, and he all surrounded Mr. Howell, and pestered him for details that he firmly stated, with slight amusement, they'd have to wait for the rest of the class to hear.

Which luckily didn't take long, though it wasn't until the last second that Remus slipped into the room, his robe sliding off his shoulder, his tie loosely dangling on his neck, and several books slipping out of his hands that he impressively didn't drop.

Professor Corbyn said something to Remus, probably chastising him for being late, so late that their professor was in the process of closing the door when Remus rushed in looking frantic. Whatever their professor said made Remus go red and quickly sit...sit next to Lily which only confirmed in Sirius' mind that Remus was still mad at him.

He turned to James but his friend was staring intently at Remus, or probably he was staring at Lily who was helping Remus with his tie while the flustered boy tried to fix his pile of books so they didn't slip off the desk and make more of a disruption then his late presence already had.

"Now if everyone will turn their attention to Mr. Howell. Today he has quite a topic of discussion for us," Professor Corbyn explained, actually seeming nervous which certainly wasn't like the infuriating man.

The sick feeling in the pit of Sirius' stomach returned.

...

Lily listened to Mr. Howell explain what had happened a few nights ago, the class going silent as the man kept them at the edges of their seats with a punchline to the story she had already figured out and which had Remus visibly shaking in his seat.

She was proud of him for coming to class since he had explained to her earlier while they were studying in the library what had happened with Mr. Howell and Professor Corbyn. Remus was indeed very impressive, for him to be sitting here, though she knew he was just convinced his absence would be more suspicious. She wasn't sure she agreed with him though, especially with how badly he was clearly shaken up right now. Luckily, she was sitting next to him and reached under the table finding his hands clenched together in a too-tight fist and coaxed him to grip her hand which he did so with such force she had to bite back yelling out in pain.

"Take a deep breath," she whispered to Remus who looked white as a sheet as the class finally realized their guest speaker had come face to face with a werewolf not yet realizing that he was a werewolf.

"That's right. It tore into me and like usual I'm lucky to be alive. Really makes you appreciate life battling with that beast every month."

Her reminder to Remus to breathe went unheard as the energy in the class slowly shifted as more and more people began to realize what their guest speaker meant. She chanced a glance back at James, Peter, and Sirius hoping against all hope James could at least keep Black from being the one to make the exclamation that would certainly be made soon.

James was gripping Sirus' arm tightly holding the boy from leaping up, the Blacks heir's eyes filled with a dark hatred toward Mr. Howell that she better not ever see directed at Remus. She didn't care if Alice had heard from Ted who heard from Andromeda that the Blacks implemented dark forms of punishment that had something to do with dark creatures, if Sirius hurt Remus she'd hex him into the next week every week of his life.

She unconsciously squeezed Remus her heart clenching with sadness for him and he misunderstood the gesture loosening his grip on her sore hand.

"YOU'RE A WEREWOLF!"

At least it hadn't been Sirius shouting it out, but then she realized it was Severus who had. The infuriating boy who every time she talked to him seemed to somehow have more prestige among any of the other second years, quite a dramatic change from last year. She had thought that would mean they could hang out together more. But if anything, he had seemed even less eager to do so. It hurt but not as much as his anger had when he found out she was going to the dance with Remus not him.

She supposed she hadn't made matters better by pointing out that he was acting like he wouldn't be caught dead going with her. Lily had wanted Severus to refute the statement saying he'd be proud to go with her to the dance as friends but instead his eyes had gotten dark and he had stalked off. They hadn't talked since then but there was such anger in his eyes and voice-over Mr. Howell being a werewolf that she worried if maybe the Snape's implemented the same mean punishments the Blacks did.

But then she realized that unlike Sirius, the dark look wasn't directed at Mr. Howell and instead flickered to her and Remus' hands under the table. She was prepared to stare down the angry Slytherin since she had explained many many times that she and Remus were just friends and she was getting really bloody tired of having to explain that to every single nosy person who thought that it was any of their business.

"That is right Mr. Snape. I am."

Gasps and even a shout of horror predictably filled the class with such momentum that she hoped no one had noticed that Remus had been horrified before their guest speaker had confessed. She rolled her eyes at her fellow students absolutely hating the wizarding world's idiotic prejudices. They were no better with that than muggles, worse even in some aspects.

"I'm glad you are alright Mr. Howell. You are quite brave," she spoke up loudly drowning out the whispered conversations and shocking two dumb Slytherin boys from completely pulling out their wands.

"Thank you, Ms. Evans. Telling a whole class of young witches and wizards certainly is a first for me but I want you all to understand that I am not a monster. You've all gotten to know me and I've received several compliments on my ability to make mundane topics interesting. I hope what I've told you changes nothing. I am willing to answer any questions you may have though I ask that you keep them respectful because no I have not killed anyone, yes Dumbledore knows I'm here, and yes I am safe to be around and just like any of you except for once a month."

There was a long silence then a Slytherin raised his hand, one she didn't recognize from Sev's 'friends' but who at least didn't look angry or disgusted like the other Slytherins.

"Does...do they hurt...your transformations?"

"Yes, I can confidently say that me being a werewolf distresses and hurts no one more than it does me."

She was surprised by the gentle question from a Slytherin and felt a pang for the boy who was shot many glares from his house as a result but who didn't seem to notice biting his lip and looking thoughtful.

"How long have you been a monster?" Sirius finally spoke up and she was quite sure that it had been James that had kept him from speaking until now. She felt Remus flinch and had to keep her own anger from causing her to round on Severus and Sirius and telling both dumb boys just what she thought of their immature vile close-mindedness.

"Mr. Black, you have been warned. One more inappropriate question and you will leave the classroom and serve detention with me tonight is that clear?" Professor Corbyn spoke up a round of gasps echoing the class, this time because their nice professor had never threatened detention before, nor had he ever sounded quite so frustrated. Luckily it kept even the Slytherins from making comments louder than the mutters to each other under their breaths and set the precedent for better-worded questions at the very least.

Lily suspected that their professor's frustration had more to do with Sirius being Remus' friend then because he had been trying to strategically make an example out of Sirius but she wasn't positive.

For a while, the questions remained semi respectful though she could tell some students were quite literally sticking their noses up at the whole thing. James even asked one of his sharp questions with unusual sensitivity asking if it was ok first before asking how their professor had been turned.

Remus had stopped holding Lily's hand a while ago since she was sure her feeling him flinch was making him even more self-conscious and he had calmed down some, but she could physically feel the tension rolling off of him. Mr. Howell glanced briefly at the front row, not quite meeting Remus' eyes who was sitting stiff as a board, but almost.

"That is...a good question, Mr. Potter. I used to work for the ministry in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and I was attacked while investigating a string of werewolf attacks. It was pride on my division's part who ended up becoming trapped by enchantments in a forest. I was told the Ministry had tried to find us but we spent three nights knowing we were running out of time and all three of us were attacked by a werewolf pack on the third night which was the night of a full moon. The survivors were brought back to the ministry where we were thanked for our dedication to the job then promptly fired."

There was a tense silence as the statement sunk in.

"Survivors?" another Slytherin spoke up, sounding too stunned to be disgusted at the moment.

"One of my coworkers was killed that night. I am not here to argue that werewolves aren't dangerous since I know first hand that they are. I also think there should be regulations in place to maintain the safety of everyone but I don't believe that should lead to them not being hired by anyone."

"Well, it's kind of a pain on the boss' part to accommodate them for several days a month. My grandma worked for St. Mungos and she's told me all about how often werewolves are there getting taken care of for free for days and days," Jeremiah spoke up sounding frustrated probably because his father ran Catter's Pub and most definitely did not hire werewolves.

"That's a good point Mr. Cattermole But a dock in pay would be sufficient and with proper living conditions and access to good nutrients and support most werewolves wouldn't be in the hospital for days."

"But you all like... in disgusting packs and hunt down children like Greyback. Why should we let you anywhere near society so you can infect more of us!?"

"That is a common misconception while some werewolves do turn to packs which are known for their violence and lawlessness, not all do. It would be like punishing all purebloods because of the movement right now."

Well, that certainly got everyone's attention. Slytherins all started speaking up at once at how that was different.

"Well, I say lock them all in Azkaban filthy Death Eaters and the monsters that help them!" Sirius shouted over the Slytherins protesting about how purebloods were noble and so forth.

"Mr. Black! That's detention! Now out of my classroom."

"That's alright Mr. Corbyn, he can stay. I'd like to address his comment please."

Lily was pretty sure Remus had stopped breathing and nudged his foot with hers worried he'd pass out. She wasn't sure who Greyback was or who these packs were...she knew she had heard stories but chalked them up to ignorance and prejudice. It was fascinating to her though now that she knew it was a legitimate problem, one recognized by Mr. Howell who went on to explain the difference in ideologies amongst werewolves. She listened enraptured as he pointed out most of the werewolves that were villainized because they were regrettably supporting Voldemort were doing so because they felt they had no other option.

Professor Corbyn had to calm down the class several times especially after one Slytherin muttered that maybe werewolves weren't all that bad then if they could understand the importance of blood purity and stay in line. But, with difficulty, their professor had somehow managed to keep more outbursts like Sirius' from happening as the class progressed.

She tried to hold Remus' hand again knowing this must be distressing him so much but his fists remained clenched so tight she wouldn't be surprised if he was hurting himself. Feeling bad she couldn't do more to help, she turned around to shoot a nasty look at Sirius only to find him looking at Mr. Howell as he explained that children had been kidnapped and raised by Greyback and that they should be helped as victims not punished as monsters with a look of horror on his face.

Maybe he was getting through to him? She really hoped so for Remus' sake. Then Sirius caught her looking at him and his expression shifted into a haughty guardedness, his arms crossed stubbornly in front of his chest.

"Mr. Howell, I appreciate your candor with the class but perhaps we should keep the focus on your own experience for the rest of the class?" Mr. Corbyn spoke up, cutting off one kid's question about what his opinion was on the rule that werewolves should be put down after killing someone. Lily wanted to hear the answer since she wasn't sure how to feel about the policy herself, at least not after learning from both Mr. Howell and several students how terrible Greyback was.

"Let me just be clear about this. Being a werewolf doesn't make someone a monster, but that doesn't mean there aren't monsters amongst werewolves," Mr. Howell explained, a bitterness in his voice that seemed to earn him a minute amount of respect from some of the students in the class.

"So then if you killed someone, would you turn yourself in?" Sirius asked, sure to keep his tone respectful though a quick glance behind her shoulder showed him leaning back in his chair, a forced bored expression on his face as if he could care less about the answer. But she also didn't miss the way James was eyeing his friend nervously, specifically Sirius' hand which was clenched around his wand.

"Yes I would Mr. Black and most werewolves would as well. Very few of us actually want to hurt anyone and the ones among us that do are the only ones the ministry focuses on."

"Because they are the ones that are dangerous!" Jessy shouted in horror her voice high pitch then seeming to realize she had suggested Mr. Howell wasn't dangerous, grew quiet, her cheeks pink. Lily felt a little thrill of excitement, Mr. Howell really was getting through to people! Having someone known to the class as a human first and foremost had seemed to actually help and several people had even begun addressing their questions to 'Mr. Howell." She looked at Remus expecting him to appear calm or maybe even seem hopeful himself but her heart plummeted at how pale he looked, a sort of glazed expression to his eyes which scared her.

"Mr. Howell, I wanted to thank you again for sharing. I think it's about time we wrap up though," Professor Corbyn spoke up and Lily was certain he had looked at Remus, noticing the same blank expression in his eyes as she had.

"Very well. Let me just answer Miss Evans' question as I'm sure she'll have a good one to wrap us up with."

She smiled at Mr. Howell who smiled back making her feel not for the first time that he seemed almost familiar somehow.

"I was wondering, Mr. Howell, what helps you? What keeps you going from month to month since I imagine it takes a lot of resilience?"

"It does Ms. Evans, that it does. Having people in my life that know what I am and still accept me is foremost the most important thing...for me anyway. Other than that..." she thought he glanced at Remus but it was so quick she wasn't sure. "Other than that I hold onto hope that one-day society will change so I can live a better life. Oh and this is just something small but I find keeping where I transform every month clean helps me feel more human."

"Clean? What do you do urinate in there," scoffed a Slytherin who Professor Corbyn promptly assigned detention to.

"No Mr. Goyle, I'm talking about the blood from the injuries I end up getting every time," Mr. Howell replied flatly in a tone that made her glad that he wouldn't have to put up with any more questions, the poor man.

She tried really hard not to look at Remus, not to think about him in the Shrieking Shack, where he told her he ended up every month. Not to imagine him hurting himself so much he bled every time. She tried not to start crying but it was hard not to, knowing while she could be supportive it didn't at all feel like enough, so she was glad class was almost done.

"Everyone, let's give a round of applause to Mr. Howell and thank him for his time."

Lily held her breath but there was a scattering of applause even if it sounded halfhearted.

"And students who didn't ask a question please stay behind."

Lily silently applauded their professor's quick thinking since Remus looked in no state to get up let alone walk out of the classroom and deal with his friends.

"That blows," Marlene muttered under her breath, the only other student beside Remus who didn't speak up the whole of the class. Lily shot her a sympathetic smile from over Dorcas's shoulder who had been sitting on the other side of her.

"I bet he'll make you and Remus write a paper," Dorcas chortles. "You ok there Remus?" she asked as the class started filling out, fewer people blatantly avoiding their guest speaker this time on their way out.

Lily reacted quickly as Dorcas tried to peer past her at Remus' face who if anyone caught a glimpse of would certainly know that something was very wrong.

"He didn't eat anything all day again Dorcas," she tsked, gently pushing Remus' head down onto the table and giving his shoulder a squeeze. "Leave him be. I'm pretty sure I heard him snoring halfway through the lecture," she added, trying to sound disapproving which wasn't all that hard since all she needed to do was think about Sirius Black who she turned to face with a glare. "I said leave him be Sirius you lot probably kept him up all night again."

"Is he ok? Remus, you aren't mad at me are you?" Sirius asked the worry on his face a shockingly contrasting difference from earlier on in the class.

"Didn't sleep well," Remus muttered, his voice sounding muffled and thankfully appropriately tired.

"Yeah, he fell asleep in class so you two can keep each other company in detention," Marlene giggled, sounding happy someone was in bigger trouble than her. "Although it's not like asking a question is a requirement. If Professor Corbyn tries to give us detention I say we revolt," she added, grinning at Remus' hunched over figure. Lily watched Sirius frown, such concern in his eyes that it almost made her feel bad at how in the dark he was about all of this...almost.

"Well if you do get a detention, I'll make sure it's not boring Remus and you better eat something at dinner," Sirius let out a tense laugh seeming quite pale and shaky himself as James grabbed his arm and tugged Sirius out, Peter hiding behind the two as they approached Mr. Howell.

"You coming Lily?" Dorcas asked after patting Marlene's back and assuring her she'd help if their friend got an extra assignment from this.

"In a minute Dor, I have a few more questions."

"Course you do," Dorcas scoffed, though Lily knew she didn't really mind and thankfully left without further complaining, now leaving only Remus, Marlene, and her in the room.

"Ms. McKinnon, I would like you to write five hundred words on what you've learned like the rest of the class for homework and at the bottom, I'd like you to write down one or two questions you could have asked our guest alright?"

Marlene nodded looking relieved and dashed out with a hurried and enthusiastic 'yes sir' as if worried Professor Corbyn would change his mind. With Marlene gone he predictably turned his attention to Lily.

"I know about Remus' condition professor and if it's alright with you, I'd like to stay until I'm sure he's alright," she said quickly and with as much firmness as she dared. She considered it a grave wrong to talk back to a respectable professor but knew she might if Professor Corbyn told her to go, though she wasn't entirely certain she would. But she wasn't about to leave. Not after she had felt Remus flinch all throughout the class and had heard his pained gasps for breath that made her want to hug him and promise everything would be alright. Only she promised him everything would be alright as much as she wanted to. Not to him, not about something she realized she didn't understand as well as she thought she did.

Did Remus bleed every time? How bad did he hurt himself? She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers.

Professor Corbyn regarded her closely and asked Remus if he was comfortable with her staying the only response a slight shrug.

"Very well Ms. Evans. Remus….I know you aren't alright lad and that's ok but I need you to sit up for me... can you do that?"

There was a long pause in which the tears Lily had been fighting all class sprang to her eyes again which she quickly rubbed away as Remus finally sat up, slowly as if doing so caused him physical pain.

"That's very good Remus, very good indeed," Professor Corbyn spoke softly, going and crouching in front of Remus' desk so they were eye level. "Do you know where you are?"

Lily was startled by the ridiculous question because of course Remus knew…. He seemed a bit off but he certainly knew he was at Hogwarts, where else would he be?

"...dark…...it's so dark…."

Lily jumped at the hollow broken sound to her friend's voice and started crying not quite understanding what was going on. Why was it dark? She could see his eyes were open though once more they seemed unfocused and hollow. Did he really not know where he was? Then where was he?

"Ms. Evans I understand and appreciate your concern for Remus. Could you do me a favor and go fetch the Matron?"

Lily nodded and left quickly nearly punching James who grabbed her arm as she exited the classroom.

"POTTER!" she shouted angrily face going red with embarrassment since she was still crying and stupid Potter had caught her crying!

"Sorry...just….is he ok?... Lily is Remus ok?" James asked with that rare earnestness about him, the amount of concern he had over Remus truly was endearing but she didn't have time nor patience at the moment to explain to him.

"Professor Corbyn is handling it, you just need to focus on getting Black to come around Potter or this won't end well."

If it wasn't for her desire to reach Madam Pomfrey as quickly as possible, she might have stayed to comfort James who looked upset and quite overwhelmed.

"Are you ok?" he asked as she started walking away, following behind her.

"Yes….well no…...argh I don't want to hear you pointing out what a girl I am for crying because I will hex you even if you're worried about Remus," she huffed wiping her red cheeks. Out of all the dumb boys to find her crying it just had to be Potter, although she supposed it was something that he hadn't yet teased her about it….yet.

"I wouldn't…..I won't…..I didn't…..you're pretty when you cry so it's fine…."

She didn't even have the energy to turn around and bicker with him, instead picking up her pace and telling Potter she was fetching the matron and he should leave her be. She was a little surprised when he did since she had expected him to continue following her and she hoped he was alright. She didn't at all envy James' position being caught between Remus and Sirius. At least he had enough sense to listen to her about keeping Sirus in check….well he was trying to.

Potter certainly cared about Remus at the very least and even though James hadn't told their friend, Lily was certain when he did that it would go well.


	59. Chapter Fifty-Nine: An Unusual Approach

Chapter Fifty-Nine: An Unusual Approach

TWs: Detailed Description of a Panic Attack and Self Deprecating Thoughts

"It….hurts…..can't…...breathe…." Remus wheezed, staring at the darkness around him, a voice from far away trying to talk to him but he couldn't seem to focus on it.

How long had he been with Greyback? Something about the lesson was bothering him…...about how Greyback was raising kids and seemed to have been doing it for a long time.

So how had he been found so quickly?

After asking himself that everything had begun to feel...staticky….unreal. He was sure the floor was shifting underneath him and everywhere he looked there was just a distorted room that seemed to be filled with nothing but shadows. He knew he was crying now and he pleaded to the far-away voice for his momma and daddy.

"They hate you. Why would they come for you when they hate you, little snack."

"please…..I want…...to leave…," he whimpered brokenly, knowing he never would be able to.

"Remus…...you can. I know it's scary but you can leave. If you can hear me nod your head," came the persistent voice, repeating the sentence several times. However, the voice sounded kind so Remus obeyed it and was told he was doing a very good job.

"Tell me five things you see…..I know it all seems dark but try to find five things that stand out to you. Anything at all, nod your head if you think you can do that."

He nodded again knowing he wanted to please this man, his professor. He now recognized the voice as Professor Corbyn and a shadowy figure appeared in front of him causing him to fling himself away with a shout of horror reaching for his wand.

"Get away from me! Stay away Shadowman!" he hollered before realizing he didn't have to call Greyback that anymore but not seeming to find the nerves to address the monster in front of him as anything else.

Was Mr. Howell actually Greyback? Weren't all the werewolves basically the same?

"I won't come nearer. I'm not going to hurt you, Remus. I just need you to find five things," came the patient voice that didn't sound at all like the rough gravelly voice of the werewolf who had stolen his childhood. Even finding the different sounding voice weird, it didn't cause him to stop cowering on the floor, his wand shakily pointed at the shadowy figure. It was only when he realized it wasn't coming closer that he started looking for more things again.

"...desk…"

"Very good Mr. Lupin, very good!" The voice sounded pleased and relieved and Remus tried to focus on the familiar voice rather than the scary shadowy figure.

"...C...Corbyn?"

"Yes that's right it's just me Remus. You're safe lad, you're in Hogwarts and you're safe."

"Hogwarts….."

Saying the name of the school seemed to make some of the shadows fade and he was able to state in a shaky voice that he saw the chalkboard, his books on the floor, and his professor who no longer looked like a creepy shadow man, instead now a faint outline.

"Very good Mr. Lupin. Now four things you hear."

Remus wondered what the point of this was, since he now knew he wasn't in Greyback's cave but the DADA classroom, even if things still seemed hazy.

….Only he could almost feel Greyback's breath on his neck, could nearly smell the musty smell of that horrible cave…. So he obediently listed four things he heard wondering if he really should have counted his loudly hammering heart as one thing, but Professor Corbyn accepted it as an answer.

"Well done. Now three things you feel."

"Feel?" he heard himself ask in a small voice. He tried not to focus on the phantom that seemed to be gripping his shoulder painfully. "...not….there's…...no one behind me…..right?" He bit back a sob feeling utterly foolish.

"No it's just you and me Remus. I swear it's just us," Professor Corbyn replied patiently, yet with enough firm confidence in his voice that Remus believed him.

"Srry…." he mumbled trying to bring a hand to his damp cheek only to find he was shaking too badly and his limbs weren't listening to him.

"That's quite alright Remus I should have laid out more guidelines for Mr. Howell. I knew it might be triggering to you. But keep going lad you're almost done."

"...tear on my cheek…..the ground under me….and…..uh the blood on my palm…." he whispered wishing he had said his clothes on his body instead of pointing out the nail indents on his palms that had come from listening to his classmate's cruel comments, most whispered so he could barely hear them, but some of which he had been certain at the time were being directed at him.

"Good, very good. Now two things you smell."

Remus didn't want to do this anymore but figured he owed it to his professor to at least finish the strange list of commands after once more making a fool of himself in front of the man.

"Ink from people taking notes…..and my ocean scented shampoo which doesn't really smell like the ocean….."

His professor gave a tense laugh.

"I'm going to hand you a piece of chocolate to pop in your mouth alright?"

Remus nodded wondering what the point was but let Professor Corbyn come close enough to drop a small brown square into his slightly bloody palm and he popped it into his mouth.

"Now what's one thing you taste?"

"Chocolate…"

"Can you describe it more?"

"It's…..bittersweet…..a dark chocolate…..with…..maybe some minty taste to it."

He decided not to mention the copper taste on his tongue from the blood and wiped his palms on his robe.

"Well, Mr. Lupin you did a marvelous job!" Professor Corbyn said sincerely and Remus looked at the young man who was now perfectly clear to him, the room bright once more, almost too bright. His head pounded in protest only Remus was pretty sure it had been hurting that bad even before everything became clear and bright again.

"I did?" he asked, surprised, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand.

"Yes, it's understandable you had a bad panic attack but you did a wonderful job focusing again."

"You said….I was….triggered...what….does that mean?" he asked uncertainly, unsure about the term.

"This was a very stressful class for you that I now realize should have been conducted better so you have my apologies. But a lot of sensitive material was brought up that reminded you of your trauma and that can lead to a lot of symptoms including a panic attack and if I may be so bold to suggest a flashback?"

Remus nodded not wanting to admit he had no idea what flashback meant. He hardly knew what panic attack meant though he remembered Peter talking about it and was pretty sure he had gone through more than a few the past two years if it was anything similar to what he had just experienced.

"Remus….oh darling are you alright?" Madam Pomfrey asked bustling into the classroom with Lily right behind her.

"I'm better…" he said softly staring at his freshly bloodied palms, he hadn't realized he had dug his nails quite that deep into his skin but he tried to subtly wipe them on his robe again so the matron didn't notice.

"Do you need anything dear?" Madam Pomfrey asked, still looking at him with concern. "Perhaps a calming tonic?"

"I'm ok…..Professor Corbyn helped me calm down without one."

The matron shot his professor a look that suggested she didn't think such a thing was altogether possible, but since Remus was just sitting on the floor now quite calmly she couldn't really refute it. His scattered books and knocked over chair embarrassingly proved he hadn't been calm earlier and he was just grateful his professor had managed to pull him away from whatever that had been before Lily and Madam Pomfrey arrived.

"How's your ankle dear?"

Remus almost groaned out loud having forgotten about his blasted ankle which he now realized was steadily throbbing.

"Might….might need to stay off it a bit…." he admitted since the matron was looking at him with that look that suggested she already knew the answer and if he didn't answer correctly she would haul him back to the hospital wing for the rest of the year.

"Can I help you up, Remus?" Lily asked and Remus nodded looking away from her tear-stained cheeks, grasping her hand firmly and standing up as smoothly as he could while the matron went off on poor Professor Corbyn about how he should never have allowed Remus to sit through such an upsetting ordeal.

"It's fine Madam Pomfrey, if I didn't show up people would have been suspicious."

"What do you mean people, Remus? Why I'm sure they wouldn't have even noticed. Now you just…"

"My friends would have," he cut in before she could suggest he come back with her to the hospital wing. "I'm awfully tired, Madam Pomfrey, and I think I worried them. Can I go back to my dorm and lay down?"

He gave a weak smile as the matron looked him over then finally let out a displeased huff and agreed that would be acceptable as long as he stayed off his ankle for the rest of the night. Which Remus planned to do since he hadn't lied about being tired and now that he wasn't fighting his way out of some shadow hell he felt utterly exhausted.

"I promise I'll make sure he gets back safe and look after him Madam Pomfrey," Lily spoke up which seemed to make the matron warm up to the idea slightly.

"Yes alright now off with you both," she ushered them away as if they were pesky visitors overstaying their welcome in the hospital wing. Remus glanced at Professor Corbyn feeling guilty that he had brought the matron's disapproval to his classroom, a disapproval that he was sure their professor would be hearing more about when they left. But Professor Corbyn just smiled reassuringly at Remus so he allowed himself to leave with Lily who made him keep an arm around her shoulders and remained quiet as they walked to the common room.

…

Remus had a few blissful hours to himself since James had practice and apparently Peter and Sirius had decided to watch it today. Lily had gotten him a cold compress even though his ankle didn't hurt anymore and had curled up next to him on the couch in the common room keeping him company and thankfully not mentioning what had happened in Professor Corbyn's classroom. Then it was dinner time and Lily left him completely alone to get food, promising she'd bring something back to him. She was taking her promise to Madam Pomfrey very seriously though Remus supposed he had probably really freaked her out...he had really freaked himself out. He decided to write Ryan about what he thought about the class but he realized with a stab of loneliness that Ryan would be at dinner too and wouldn't respond.

Then he held the still unopened letter in his hand from his dad, turning it around and holding it up against the light of the never-ending flames in the common room as if it would allow him to see through it. He knew reading it wouldn't make him feel better but he figured it wouldn't make him feel currently any worse and it was better than thinking about Greyback.

Just as he was about to open the thing, one finger giving a hesitant tug on the flimsy seal, the portrait swung open and he quickly shoved it in his pocket trying not to look too guilty.

Apparently Lily had meant that she was going to run to the Great Hall and back again with both of their meals since she appeared standing in the entranceway, the fat lady saying something to her as the door swung shut.

"Tadah! I figured soup would be good in case you weren't feeling well still," she explained simply with a smile that stopped Remus from pointing out to her that she didn't have to keep him company, that she could sit with her friend's in the Great Hall which he figured she'd prefer. But he didn't say that and they ate their soup in pleasant silence.

"Remus…..you don't have to answer…..but…..what happened to you back in the classroom….it was pretty scary," Lily admitted nervously, "not that I was scared of you but for you," she clarified, though for once Remus hadn't jumped to that conclusion knowing exactly what she had meant.

"Flashback," he said seriously as if he knew what the word meant. The soup was settling in his stomach and the fire and blanket Lily had wrapped around him were slowly causing his eyelids to feel heavier and heavier.

"Oh, Remus! I'm so sorry that's just awful," Lily gasped. Remus suppressed a yawn wanting to ask Lily what a flashback actually was but was so exhausted from earlier that he leaned against her and quickly slipped into an almost sleep state, letting out a soft sigh as a warm blanket was placed over him.

"Sleep tight Remus," he heard Lily's soft whisper and tried to tell her that he wasn't going to actually sleep, that his eyes were merely very heavy and burning with the effort of holding back tears, but then he was actually asleep so he didn't get the chance.


	60. Chapter Sixty: Prejudice's Price

Chapter Sixty: Prejudice's Price

TW: Mentions of Abuse and a Physical Fight

"I'm telling you mate, he's Santa and forget the lame Yule ball. I just want to get a moment alone with him to ask for gifts!" he explained to James excitedly, gesturing wildly with his hands as if he could summon Santa there by doing so. James cracked a smile but still looked tired and down.

That class had really affected James.

It was confusing to Sirius since it didn't at all make sense. He figured it must be that James was just fighting over himself on what to believe and getting all tied up in the chivalrous nonsense. Which would have been fine, well sort of, only all throughout dinner James kept trying to process the class with the other two as if he was some emotional girl and it had taken a threat from Sirius to turn his hair pink since he was being such a swat to get him to shut up. Only Sirius didn't want him being so sad and while Peter had suggested sneaking some cake Sirius figured his idea was better.

Because what other reason could James be so upset and emotional over that wasn't the fact Lily and Remus had been holding hands in class. Well, those swots deserved each other!

"Careful Sirius or you'll drop the cakes Dilly got us," Peter chided, sounding annoyed that Sirius would risk the precious cakes.

Sirius was going to shove the little pasties in Peter's pudgy little face since he suddenly felt a great deal of anger. But when he went to do so he realized his hands were shaking so that Peter's concern over dropping the cakes didn't actually come from nowhere. And, perhaps more important than that was the fact he had entered into the common room and therefore could now see Remus curled up on the couch leaning against Lily.

Sirius glanced nervously at James, surprised just to find him looking sad, which was much worse than him being angry. Sirius needed to have a talk with Remus about not flaunting his friendship or 'whatever it was' with Lily in their faces, well James' anyways. He didn't care what they did.

Well, he did... but only because of James.

Ignoring the tight knot that had suddenly appeared in his stomach he elbowed James hard enough to pull his attention away from them.

"Do you wanna cause the two of them to trip at the dance? Get Remus back for humiliating you?" He asked eagerly because he was sure it would cheer James up and the notion cheered him up too.

He was just upset because of James though. For a brief moment he pondered the tight feeling in his gut trying to figure out why even after James had shot down the generous suggestion with a tired look, he still wanted to trip them. But he concluded quickly it was because he was just that good of a mate and his feeling of dread didn't have to do with Lily and Remus dating but with the fact he still wasn't sure if Remus was mad at him.

He would give Remus space this time, not that he had wanted to but James had forced him and Peter to come with him to practice saying they needed to let Remus sleep since he didn't want Lily being mad at them if their exhausted friend fell asleep in yet another class.

But deep down Sirius knew something was off and it scared him and made him want to give both James and Remus a good shake. He didn't like missing things and knew he was….

"Come on James quit pining," he demanded disgruntled. Then he marched over to the fireplace so he could properly stare Lily down and stood in front of the couch ignoring James telling him to leave it be. "Oi, you lovebirds get a room! And Lily, tell Remus the little traitor can sleep down here tonight," he told her matter of factly, completely teasing…., well... mostly.

"Shhhh!"

He ignored the dark look Lily shot him but was surprised when James didn't back him up or even give an appreciative laugh.

"Sirius it's fine so just drop it."

"It's not fine! Look at him all snuggled up next to Evans and you tell me they aren't snogging!"

"Why do you care so much, Black?" Lily asked sharply and Sirius' eyes darted to Remus who let out a soft whimper. When he looked back at Lily he didn't at all like the way she was looking at him, as if he was just an annoying boy causing trouble for no reason.

"Back the hell up Evans," he replied in a dark voice, careful to keep his volume quiet though so as not to wake Remus.

"You back the hell up, Black," she retorted cooly matching the volume of his voice and the dark sound to it. What was her problem? Why did she look so mad at him?

"Let's just go to our dorm Sirius. I really don't care. Don't worry so much mate. Lily Evans will fall madly in love with me….eventually," James added thoughtfully. Sirius noticed though that the usually cheeky smile he had when confidently stating such a ludicrous fact seemed a little off, probably because the dunce had this time said such a thing in front of Lily who was looking at James with as much disgust as she had been previously directing at Sirius.

"He…..here Lily this is for Remus when he wakes up….a….and this one's for you...," Peter stammered offering a pasty to Lily who took it with an appreciative smile.

"Thank you, Peter, that's very sweet of you."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Peter beamed looking quite pleased with himself. He mouthed 'suck up' to James but he wasn't paying attention to him. So instead, when they were climbing the stairs and out of Evan's view, he gently whacked Peter's head instead.

"Ow,"

"You git you're the one not getting a cake now since I still want mine."

Peter's face crumpled the satisfaction melting away. Good, he should think twice before handing over a treat when they had only grabbed four.

"He can have mine Sirius I'm not hungry…" James muttered, sounding distracted.

"Oi quit daydreaming of Lily mate. It's best you give up on that one," Sirius advised as they entered their dorm room. He scooped up Elvis who had run over to him pawing at his pant leg until Sirius scooped the fastly growing kitten up and offered him a treat from the small collection he had in his bag. If he didn't take them with him every day, Elvis would find a way to get to them and eat them, the little bugger.

"I'm not daydreaming of Lily. I think of more things than that you tosser," James snapped though he sounded more tired than anything.

"Well...good. My mind is still filled with the atrocious DADA class today! I reckon Corbyn will get sacked after this….mind you some of those Slytherin parents are going to have a field day," he remarked happily snatching one of the cakes from Peter and marveling how limited Corbyn's time was. He didn't think he could stand one more uncomfortable class!

"Like your parents?! Are you going to write to them, Sirius? I'm sure the fact you actually agree on something will make them just delighted," James snapped scathingly this time sounding positively irate. Sirius was so shocked he forgot to be angry but even after James' statement sunk in he just felt hurt.

"Damn James…." Peter breathed and Sirius couldn't tell if the smaller boy was trying to defend Sirius or was just shocked like he was. James looked a bit shocked too then ran a hand through his hair as he did when very stressed.

"Sorry….I didn't mean….only…..you can be really close-minded you know…."

Sirius remained quiet for a long time before flashing one finger directed at James to show how he felt about that comment. He would have gone off on him only Peter had a dodgy look in his eyes that made it clear if James and Sirius started shouting he'd dart off to get Remus, or worse, Lily.

So he passed the time actually doing the stupid write up on werewolves, growing angrier and angrier as he scratched down that what he had learned from class had been that werewolves were more dangerous than ever since they could blend in….which shouldn't be allowed. As he wrote he found himself remembering a most unpleasant memory of his uncle stumbling in all bloody having been attacked by a dragon. Even Sirius' cold-hearted mother hadn't immediately kicked Alphard out and he had spent the night at Grimmauld Manor, Sirius refusing to leave his room in case he died. Sure that hadn't been a werewolf, thank goodness, but could anyone really believe any dark creature was different?

He stopped writing, surprised to find his cheeks were damp. When had he started crying? He quickly wiped the tears shooting a glance at James and Peter but the two were busy playing chess, James pointedly ignoring Sirius. He wasn't sure why he had gotten so upset. Sure he had been scared as a six-year-old but his uncle had been fine and laughed it off a week later, making some comment he no longer remembered but which ended up in a fight between his uncle and Sirius' mom. A fight that had somehow landed Uncle Alphard back outside the house, his belongings being thrown at him as he fled, winking at Sirius as he left.

He got up and stretched suddenly feeling very restless. He crumpled up the assignment unsure why it felt so….unsatisfying. He wasn't about to let James convince him he was anything like his evil family. That must be why he felt guilty at what he had written, and he hated that James had gotten into his head so badly.

"I'm NOT like them!"

James looked up scowling the anger from earlier immediately coming back.

"Guys….." Peter pleaded but they ignored him.

"Then stop being so close-minded!"

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are Sirius. Even after liking Mr. Howell a week ago... now, you're suddenly treating him like he's…"

" ….a monster? Yeah, because he is one!" Sirius cut in defensively.

"Really? Because I bet that's exactly what pureblood pursuits say about muggle-borns!"

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but couldn't since he could recall several times his grandfather or father talked about muggle-born wizards as a plague and that they were individual terrors….even going so far as to call them abominations and….monsters.

"It...it's different….," he stammered out choked.

"No, it's not!" James insisted not backing down at all and Sirius shoved down the stab of fear that came from almost thinking about the reason James was suddenly so passionate about it.

"Yes, it is! They hurt me!"

"Oh for bloody hell Sirius dementors aren't werewolves. I'm sorry you got hurt but unless a werewolf hurt you then you should just shut up since you're hurting other people!"

Sirius and James both tensed a sort of unpleasant look passing between them that dangerously bordered on understanding.

"C…...cuz it upsets Lily….." James clarified, his voice suddenly thick and sounding awkward.

"James, you aren't a werewolf are you?" Peter shrieked out in horror his eyes wide as saucers completely missing the point, the dangerous terrible point Sirius was pointedly missing himself. He would not go there….he would not!

"Shut up Peter don't be daft!" James snapped then sighed seeing the hurt in Peter's eyes. "Sorry but I'm not but….but even if I was that shouldn't make a difference….we'd still be mates right?"

Sirius was trying not to choke on nausea that had suddenly appeared daring him to connect the pieces, his chest tight as if physically holding him back from doing so.

"Um…." Peter looked as uncomfortable as Sirius felt and for that he was grateful. This wasn't about certain unspeakable possibilities this was simply James being a twat because Evans got her panties in a bunch.

"I mean it," James stated, a determined glean in his eyes Sirius didn't like. He had to remind himself several times there was no real point to this, that James was just being a twat,...that was all.

"No werewolf would bite you, you're far too stinky and ugly," Sirius forced a laugh desperate to turn the direction of the conversation around. Not wanting to consider such scary possibilities about any of his friends. James didn't look amused so he scooped up his pillow and launched himself at his stubborn friend willing him to fold under pillow fights which Sirius happened to know was one of James', many, weaknesses.

"Sirius hey...quit it. QUIT IT!"

Sirius stopped the attack motioning subtly for Peter to drop his pillow before James bit his head off too.

"Geez fine, you've been a real downer lately Potter."

"What. If. I. Became. A. Werewolf?" James asked again stressing each word, not about to let Sirius get away with this for whatever his stupid reasons were.

"Fine. I don't know where this is coming from you dolt. In all seriousness James you wouldn't be dumb enough to get bitten now, would you? So there!"

"Just answer!" James shouted, throwing Sirius a sort of desperate look that didn't belong on his face at all and which ticked Sirius off. James was annoying him for no good reason and if he was stuck on asking a dumb question Sirius would be sure to give him a dumb answer.

He pretended to be considering it seriously, walking around with a hand to his chin-stroking an invisible goatee like his father did when he had to use the few brain cells he had for things besides being a lazy arse.

"If you became a werewolf James," he answered slowly, sneering at James so he would know exactly what he thought of this dumb question, "well I'd have no choice but to put you out of your misery, now wouldn't I."

CRASH!

Sirius jumped, whipping around to find the cracked door leaking from underneath what for half a second he feared was blood before realizing it was in fact tea. The horrible clunking sound must have been the sound of a tray dropping and mugs shattering which gave away whoever had been eavesdropping. And he had a terrible idea who.

"Relax Remus I wouldn't actually kill him," he shouted expecting the boy to enter with embarrassment at being caught snooping and dropping a tray of tea, from the sound of it, simply because he was a clutz. There was no other reason!

Sirius wondered why on earth Remus wouldn't just enter! He realized his foolish friend was probably beating himself up for making a mess. Remus really was so jumpy, although everyone had seemed to be on edge lately and it was really getting on Sirius' nerves.

"Geez, everyone has been so uptight huh James?" he turned around in time to see the fist flying at him and he ducked sending his leg out at James and catching him in the gut sending the scrawny boy, who didn't have years using physical violence against sadistic cousins to his advantage, backward. But James also wasn't a sissy and didn't fall from the force as Sirius expected him too, since usually, one blow or two would distract Bella until he could run away and hide. James wasn't a girl though so he actually managed to land a punch on Sirius' shoulder looking angrier than Sirius had ever seen him.

"G….g…..guys…." Peter whimpered, cowering on the bed, but Sirius turned his attention back to James who tackled him to the ground sending another punch to his gut. Sirius twisted trying to pin James down but the scrawny boy was slippery and apparently had taken training for Quidditch quite seriously since he had quite a bit of force between his punches.

Sirius sent one at him too, not really wanting to hurt James, but if they were going to brawl Sirius wasn't about to be caught dead as the loser.

"S…..stupify….." Peter squeaked and how the hell his spell managed to work left Sirius stunned, both emotionally and physically.

"FUCK!" James shouted stumbling back from Sirius' fist that had just made contact with his face. Sirius tried to move but couldn't due to the spell and so remained in an awkward position on his knees, one arm wound back for another punch the other stretched out where it had made contact with James.

"Please stop," Peter cried, which gave James pause because by the look of it he was considering hitting Sirius back for the bruise already forming on his cheek.

"You are a real dick Sirius Black," James said stiffly in a soft disappointed tone that hurt him more than the blows he had received. He couldn't even say anything to defend himself and just watched James' disappointed and sad look before his friend turned and left the dorm room.

Peter dropped the spell on him and he grumbled under his breath in irritation trying to ignore the sick feeling that seemed to have been growing since DADA class, a sick panicky feeling that made him want to rip something to shreds.

"Geez the two of them have been so damn weird and moody lately. I swear I've had it with their bullshit Peter and somehow Lily is to blame for this. I just know it. I mean it's obvious I was joking!"

"Y…..you wouldn't kill him then?" Peter asked hesitantly, still trying to figure out if Sirius was mad at him or not. To be honest, Sirius wasn't all that sure who he was mad at, but Peter was the only one besides him that seemed to have any sense left so he lowered the volume of his voice marginally.

"Of course I wouldn't. James is my mate."

Peter fidgeted, his beady eyes meeting Sirius' for a little bit before darting away again.

"Even if he was a werewolf….?"

Sirius considered the soft-spoken question for a mere second before he brushed it aside since it was making him feel too uncomfortable.

"I mean he wouldn't be at Hogwarts since even Dumbledore isn't that nutty. Honestly Peter I don't know what has been his problem lately."

"Maybe….maybe he's worried about the Greyback sighting?"

"Huh?" Sirius turned a confused gaze to Peter who unconsciously took a step back.

"You know….in class, it was mentioned he's been really active lately…..working for You Know Who and all that….?"

"Well duh I know that! What I meant was what the heckity heck does that have to do with James?"

"Well…." Peter looked a little constipated which Sirius knew meant he either was or was thinking very very hard. This time Sirius figured it was the latter and waited impatiently for the slow boy to put together a coherent sentence.

"Well….he…..camping…..I mean he goes with his dad a lot….we went camping together which was a lot of fun until he got annoyed but it seems like James and his dad camp a lot like it's their thing and maybe…."

"Woah Woah calm down Peter, no one is getting bit by a werewolf. James is just being an enormous git he's not in danger or anything," he quickly assured Peter whose eyes had gone wide in what would normally be a comedic manner but which currently just made Sirius sad. He hoped James wasn't that worried about it. Maybe James' dad went camping by himself a lot? Sirius hadn't considered that before. He tried to imagine Mr. Potter as a werewolf but that seemed as ludicrous as imagining James or Peter as one so he stopped.

He knew he was missing his third friend but thinking about Remus being a werewolf wasn't as nearly as ludicrous as Sirius would have liked. And he knew if he dwelled on the possibility too long he'd be forced to consider it which he was not about to do.

"Really? Well if it's not that I'm confused then…."

"Me too Peter, me too," Sirius sighed because he was confused and it was going to stay that way!


	61. Chapter Sixty-One: Potter's Promise

Chapter Sixty-One: Potter's Promise

….

James picked up his pace as soon as he left the dorm fuming. Sirius was absolutely infuriating. Where did he get off being like that anyway? James was so done dealing with his insanity and he swore the next time Sirius so much as mentioned dark creatures he'd punch him straight in the mouth.

He opened his mouth tentatively scowling again, his jaw really hurt! Sirius didn't have to punch quite that hard, although James knew he had been punching as hard as he could too. There was something immensely satisfying in both landing a blow on Sirius who actually had some experience, even if his family deemed it a horrible muggle practice, and because hitting a large cause of his frustration lately felt really good.

He wasn't surprised to find Remus gone though he was surprised to find Lily still there sitting on the couch waiting for him with her dark look that he hoped wasn't for him but Sirius. Only he couldn't be sure so he forced himself to stand farther away from her than he normally would have liked.

"Where is he, Lily?"

"Why should I tell you. He wouldn't tell me anything but it doesn't take much imagination to figure it out," she hissed, keeping her voice quiet since there were older students in the common room and some were looking at them confused.

"How'd you get that bruise Potter?" one of his teammates called playfully and James turned away from Lily's questioning suspicious gaze and forced a smile he currently wasn't feeling at all.

"Got on the wrong side of a bludger."

"You know you shouldn't be practicing without us," Kingsley scolded but didn't seem to find the motivation to appear angrier about it so James shot back a half-assed promise he wouldn't then turned back to Lily actually approaching her because he didn't want anyone else to hear them. And Lily had finally put that lethal wand of hers down. Lately just seeing it in her hand made his nose twitch.

"You've gotten better at lying," Lily huffed, throwing James completely off guard since he hadn't at all been expecting her to talk about him. He realized she was right though and that as much as he hated to admit it lying was one of the, extremely rare, things he had been bad at. He thought about telling Lily he'd never lie to her and she could tell that was the truth because she was smart like that. However, Remus currently took precedence so he just shrugged mumbling he sort of had to and asking once more where Remus was.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because I'm worried about him and I'm hoping he'll talk to me."

"And why would he talk to you and not me," she snapped her eyes daring him to answer wrong, just daring him.

"Because…." James took a few steps closer trying to ignore the way Lily pressed herself farther into the couch, she'd see his charms eventually, because he wasn't about to chance anyone overhearing this. "Because I'm going to tell him that I know about him."

Lily's eyes widened slightly and she seemed to think it over carefully, her pretty eyes finally filing with sadness.

"Fine, but don't make me regret this Potter."

Then she was stretching out her hand to him and every brain cell inside his head seemed to run for cover. He gaped at her outstretched hand not comprehending what she wanted him to do.

"Uh….you have pretty little hands…"

"Oh, will you shut it, Potter? Grab my hand so I can lead you to my room."

"Why?" James asked the blood rushing to his face. She wasn't thinking of snuggling him, was she? Had his impeccable charms finally won her over?

Lily whacked his head lightly though he noticed with satisfaction a little blush had appeared on her cheeks as well.

"Because you absolute moron that's where Remus is. All my roommates are gone and…," she bit her lip and James had to swallow hard in order to focus on anything else. "He wasn't in much of a state to go anywhere else and…..well I figured he could actually be upset if he was alone instead of hiding it and everything,"

"You're so impressive," he blurted, simultaneously wanting to clamp a hand over his mouth and walk away from the girl who made him, James Potter, lose all sense. Sirius was right about that at the very least, he was a real swot when it came to LIly.

She rolled her eyes, grabbing his hand and he marveled at the smooth feel of her hand in his, surprised at how much smaller it was than his own.

"Now I charmed the room...well just in case... but he should be able to hear you. Don't be surprised if he doesn't respond though. I tried talking to him and he just wouldn't say a thing," she explained the frustration back in her voice though for once not directed at him.

"Mk," he exclaimed in understanding nodding his head a little and pretending he didn't see the look Lily shot him as if she thought he was a particular type of stupid that was contagious. He hardly realized when they reached her room on the seventh floor of the tower let alone climbing the girls' stairs at all. He was disappointed to find the place looked identical to the boy's tower and wondered what the big deal was and why the stairs were enchanted so boys couldn't climb up them if it wasn't even different.

"He's behind that door," she whispered, giving him a little shove when he didn't move.

"You're leaving me," he gasped in surprise, for some reason finding comfort in her presence and not wanting it to end. She predictably just rolled her eyes at him ensuring him in a whisper that still managed to sound condescending that he was capable enough to talk to his friend alone. Then she seemed to hesitate over something and gave his shoulder a reassuring pat.

"Just be honest with him James... and apologize for whatever dumb thing Black did."

"Ok….but don't hex him Lily I already took care of him."

She let out a slight laugh at that looking surprised to find herself smiling and even though James didn't get why she had laughed he was glad he had managed to get her to smile and look a little less sad.

"Good luck," she whispered sweetly then left, hopefully before she heard him stutter out 'you two' like the moron he was turned into around her.

He took a few moments to collect himself and let his brain cells crawl back out from wherever they had been hiding. Then squaring his shoulders and remembering Lily's advice he knocked.

"Can we talk Remus?"

No response.

"Remus….Remus, please….I'm sorry Sirius is a giant git."

Still, there was no response.

"Remus. Remus! Come on Sirius is a complete and utter moron."

Once more no reply came from inside the room and James inhaled deeply realizing that it truly wasn't only Sirius he should be apologizing for.

"I….was a moron too...I'm sorry I didn't know then Remus…...but…..but I'm here to help you any way I can….please let me in…." he pleaded, letting out a heartbroken sigh when the still no sound came. He was about to leave and go back to Lily admitting defeat when he remembered the several times Remus had woken from a nightmare barely able to breathe let alone talk.

"Hey, Remus….if you don't want to talk that's alright...well it's not but I won't be mad….but can you at least knock on the door or something so I know you're ok."

At last, a sound from the other room and James nearly jumped for joy as the door swung open revealing Remus with bloodshot eyes and arms wrapped protectively around his chest.

"What happened to your cheek?" he asked since it was Remus afterall and honestly focusing on James rather than himself was quite the Remus thing to do.

"Got in a row with Sirius but Peter broke it up. I think we gave him a heart attack in the process but he managed it alright, he did. Er….how are you?" he asked awkwardly wondering if Remus understood he knew but realizing that was silly since Remus was easily as smart as him and by the sort of resigned look in his eyes he had caught on.

"I don't want to talk James. I just wanted you to not worry…."

"Oh…." he whispered trying to find the words to say so that Remus would let him stay.

It wasn't fair... Remus was always letting Sirius in when Sirius was the one being the biggest berk. James really was trying and it wouldn't be fair if Remus didn't see that. "Please can I stay? I…..I… we've been real berks in the past but I promise I don't think the way I used to anymore. Can't you tell?" he asked, giving Remus a hopefully grin to reassure him he still liked him quite a lot and still wanted to be his friend.

"Why?" Remus asked his voice hoarse and James wondered just how loudly he'd been crying and screaming behind the assurance of a soundproof barrier to be that hoarse.

"Why what?"

"Why did it change?"

James was still confused before realizing what Remus was getting at. Then he just felt stunned, and maybe a bit hurt.

"Because I found out one of my best friends is a werewolf you dolt… oh sorry I'm trying to be Lily like...you know soft-spoken and er comforting…..you're not a dolt...or a monster and I'm so sorry we said such mean stuff without realizing it. I really don't think you're a monster I mean you are but that's only in the sense of studying...sorry was that bad to say? I just mean...well... something like your fluffy little problem isn't going to stop a brave Gryffindor such as myself from being your friend….."

Remus watched him as he ranted impassively.

"Get it? Fluffy problem because...you know…" James trailed off again feeling foolish.

"Fur…"

"What?"

"It…..um….fur not fluff…" Remus replied and James realized with relief that his friend wasn't mad at him but was in fact merely feeling as awkward as he was. He let out a little laugh.

"Well alright, your furry little problem. It has a nice ring to it you know." James thought he saw a flicker of a smile pass across Remus' face but it was gone so fast he couldn't be sure.

"And….it….doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it does! Wait no….I mean…...don't look like that Remus! Give me a chance to explain ok?" he asked frantically, his foot shooting out in case Remus decided to slam the door in his face. He at least hoped his foot would stop Remus since if he slammed the door right now it would hurt James. But he wouldn't really blame Remus if he did since he wasn't doing a good job at this and had made tears spring up in Remus' eyes. This was why he needed Lily here! He wasn't equipped for this.

"...al…..alright….," Remus stammered his lip trembling slightly as if any second he might break down and start sobbing. James really didn't want to witness that, not after how bad Remus' crying had spooked Sirius.

"I mean it bothers me because it sucks for you," he explained hurriedly not wanting Remus to cry.

"Really? You promise that's it? You don't...fear me?"

James laughed despite himself.

"Sorry for laughing. I just…..Remus, you fold your socks and sip your tea with your pinky sticking in the air like a poof. Why would I fear you?"

This time he was certain amusement flashed in Remus' eyes and that the edges of his friend's lips twitched upwards in a fraction of a smile.

"We shouldn't talk about this here…..no one is on the floor but…..but I don't want to risk it."

"Ok, I'll just come in and…"

He tried to step forward but Remus blocked the door with a stubborn look in his eyes that immediately let James know whatever it was about he wasn't going to win.

"If I let anyone in here Lily will kill me and whoever I let in here."

"See mate she's the one to fear not you. But why do you get to be in there and I don't. That's favoritism if you ask me!"

"Probably because you'd go through her drawers whereas she knows I won't."

"I would never," he gasped in mock outrage, because he had been hoping to do exactly that, finding anything to tease Lily about. Or something bad enough he'd stop liking her because he didn't particularly want to. Maybe a diary if he was really lucky.

Remus was looking at him as if he knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Ugh, fine, you win Remus. So where do you want to go to talk since I'm not ready to see Sirius again and I know you aren't?"

At the mention of the stubborn Black, the werewolf in front of him flinched and hung his head.

Yeah, James was sure he would never fear Remus..., well maybe if he was trying to get them to do their homework or exacting revenge on them in some terribly clever way, but he wouldn't be scared in the way he knew Remus was worried about. He hoped that made a difference to Remus somehow.

"James?"

"Huh...yeah?"

"I….asked if he knows?"

"Not... yet…..but…...I think….well, I don't know Remus…..he's going to find out sooner rather than later and I think it would be better…"

"Coming from me? Yeah, I know...I've been thinking about it. I'm just….nervous."

"You have good bloody reason to be!" he blurted out loudly before mentally kicking himself since his outburst had made the already jumpy Remus flinch again. "Sorry….I know he cares about you Remus and I'm pretty sure that once he wraps his dull brain around things he'll calm down and we can all go back to normal….well more or less. I won't let Sirius stop being friends with you, I promise. …..But…..well…. Lily said to be honest with you and I really don't know how Sirius will react at first. But what I do know is that I'll have your back and Peter will too even if I have to bully him into it. So even if Sirius hates it he's outnumbered and I know he'll come around."

Remus looked at him blankly before tears filled his eyes again.

"Wh...what? What did I say? Oh jeez... oh jeez don't cry Remus whatever I did wrong I'm sorry I'm a berk please don't cry I didn't mean to. I'm trying here I really am it's just confusing and a lot but I mean...I'm sorry," James groaned burying his face in his hands because he really was a berk and even if he didn't know what exactly he said had upset Remus or why he knew something he had done or said had and that was bad enough in his opinion.

Then suddenly arms were wrapping around him and he quickly pulled his hands away so he could hug Remus back utterly baffled. His confusion only grew when Remus started shaking, and by the way, James' shoulder became wet it wasn't from laughter.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a high-pitched voice that didn't sound anything like what a brave Gryffindor should sound like.

"You...you'd really...take my side..."

"Huh? Yes, why is that so surprising?" James asked, feeling a little choked up himself now, though not knowing why. Maybe because Remus was so silent while crying and for some reason, that seemed so unbearably lonely. How many times had his friend cried with the curtains drawn around his bed, unknown to any of them? How many times had they made Remus feel worse? James swore to himself as he hugged his crying friend as if by doing so he could squeeze away all his problems, that he would be a better friend from here on out.

"...over...Sirius...I...didn't...I thought...you'd all hate me..." Remus stuttered in a soft whisper that was tight with whatever emotions Remus was fighting to hold back. James hoped the emotion was happiness since Remus wasn't alone now...but for some reason, he didn't think so. As much as he wanted to naively believe his being there for Remus made a big difference he had the sinking feeling it didn't really change much at all. What good was his hug really doing? It couldn't take away his friend being a...his friend's lycanthropy; Professor Corbyn had explained that was a better way of saying it though he personally liked, furry little problem the best.

"James?"

"Huh..." he quickly replied, pulled away from his thoughts.

"I...it's...kinda...h...hard to...breathe..."

"Oh shit sorry."

He let go of Remus who wiped his cheeks and stared at the ground. James wasn't sure what to say but knew he had to say something because the awkwardness was becoming suffocating.

"So..."

"I..."

James swore internally since of course they just both had to open their mouths at the same time and make everything even more awkward. Remus insisted James go first and James let out a frustrated sound.

"I'm not doing this! I'm not standing here in an awkward conversation with one of my best mates. I refuse!" he stated challengingly as if daring the universe or whatever to be like 'oh yes you are'. Remus blinked a few times and bit his lip looking sad.

"Y...you can leave if you want? I'll be...back down in a bit..."

"No."

"No?"

"No, I'm not leaving. I don't want to leave. I want to talk to you, I just don't want it to be awkward."

"Umm...sorry?" Remus ventured, sounding puzzled, which was probably understandable since James knew he wasn't doing a good job of explaining things...he wasn't even doing a good job of talking at the moment. He didn't want to get all tongue-tied, things between him and Remus had been awkward for too long and now that the truth was out he wasn't about to deal with more awkwardness.

"It's not your fault I just...why is it so awkward? It doesn't make sense."

Remus blinked a few times, again a peculiar expression crossing his face and James was sure he had somehow made his friend cry again as Remus hunched over shaking before straightening this time surprisingly shaking from laughter.

"James...you just found out your friend is a werewolf...how can it be anything but awkward?" Remus asked between bursts of laughter which was much preferable to the crying, even if it seemed like a bit of a mix of both.

"Well...I mean..." James thought better about explaining he had known beforehand since he didn't think it would help matters. He knew Lily said to be honest but there was smart honest and stupid honest and he wasn't sure he could handle it if Remus started crying again. "I mean...maybe a bit but it doesn't mean I have to like it," he pouted since even if he was glad Remus was laughing he didn't particularly like being laughed at over saying something stupid.

"There's a lot not to like," Remus commented sobering up from his hysterical laughter at a shocking speed.

"How do you do it?" James asked before he could stop himself. He had also told himself he wouldn't bombard Remus with questions, but well... he hadn't really expected to keep that promise.

"Do what?" Remus asked wearily back on guard again as if James hadn't already declared he'd stay his friend as if at least a part of him still expected to be hated.

"You're simply... remarkable mate. I mean you get marks as good as Lily even...and me," he added as an afterthought not including Sirius because quite frankly he didn't want to think about him at the moment. Remus' cheeks went pink and he seemed utterly stunned.

"I...I just...sort of...do it..." Remus explained quietly and James swallowed down the questions that threatened to spill overboard. His mother had scolded him in the past for being too inquisitive since he had ended up insulting more than one of his parent's friends that way. 'There is a time and place for each question James' his mother had taught him or attempted to. But usually, her trying to curb his curiosity into manners ended with her shaking her head while smiling at him fondly and stating he was simply too blunt like his father. Only even James knew asking 'how bad does it hurt' or 'how long have you been a werewolf' wasn't acceptable in this situation.

"Well, I couldn't do it. You really are bloody impressive mate and I mean...um...I'm not sure what help I can be but...I'll try my best I really will. I mean I...I don't get the bad family thing or the werewolf things but...I..I'll try."

The choked feeling was back and James tried to hold back his own tears but he had never been good at that. He never had to hide his tears like Sirius and Remus did, never had to worry about beatings or painful transformations. For the first time in his life as he stood in front of Remus crying, James Potter realized just how good of a life he had, of how lucky he was.


	62. Chapter Sixty-Two: Worthy of Love

Chapter Sixty-Two: Worthy of Love

Remus was pretty sure he was more tired than he had ever been in his entire life before. It was bad enough he had heard yet another gutting comment from Sirius who he was fully prepared to be hated by when he finally told him. But James had figured it out! He knew he only had himself to blame, that if he had kept his composure then he could have kept his secret a bit longer. However after that horribly stressful class, he had felt like falling apart all over again and all he had wanted to do was curl up and sleep, and that had been hours ago.

Instead of sleep, he had been escorted by Lily to a room where he shouldn't have been disturbed in. Luckily, she didn't seem mad at him when she found him after he had run back downstairs, even though her questions and kind comments to him had only been met with silence. At the time, he thought that he would get some space, that inside Lily's roommate free room that he would get to scream and cry and be alone which he really really needed to be for a while, and with Lily's silence charm that had been made possible.

But then James had knocked on the door. James who he had never imagined in a thousand years would accept him with...with such ease. All of it was making his head hurt and he had just wanted James to leave at the exact same time he also wanted him to stay which hadn't helped Remus' already fragile emotional state at all. But then James had said he'd even stick up for Remus against Sirius and there was no way Remus couldn't completely break down after hearing that.

Was it possible he was worthy of love after all?

Remus shuddered pushing away the thought because maybe Lily and James were a bit crazy but that didn't mean anyone else would accept him. Besides, deep down Remus knew that if he really was deserving of love his father would love him, and even though Remus still hadn't opened his father's letter, he was sure it would just be confirmation of how much his father didn't love him.

But James and Lily did accept him and Remus wondered if that could be enough, it certainly was more than he had ever hoped for. So why wasn't he happy about it? Remus tried to push down the selfish part of him that almost physically needed Sirius to accept him too...and Peter. He decided if his roommates and Lily would accept him and love him that it would then be enough.

Only he knew it wouldn't.

His entire house could accept him, though he knew that was utterly impossible, but even then he knew it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough because the person he wanted to accept him more than the entire world never would.

Lyall Lupin would never accept Remus...would never see him as his son and only his son and that was a fact that left Remus forever starving.

"Remus...Remus are you alright?" Lily asked from the closed door. Remus caught himself nodding before remembering that Lily couldn't see him.

"Yeah...James was...surprisingly ok with it...and I didn't let him in Lily I swear," he promised, worried she would think him untrustworthy. He heard the door open slowly and checked his cheeks for dampness surprised to find them dry. He supposed James breaking down into tears had shocked him out of his own sadness. He couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for poor James and wished he had been more believable when he assured James his transformations didn't hurt that much and he really hadn't been dealing with them that long. He wasn't sure if James believed him but he had gotten his friend to eventually calm down, he had even gotten James to laugh after pointing out now James couldn't give him a hard time for missing Quidditch games.

"You better not use that as an excuse," James had replied with a watery laugh and a yawn that Remus had jumped on. He managed to convince James to go back to the dorm and that he'd be back shortly, lying and saying it was because he had promised to study with Lily. He had been pretty sure James had finally caught onto the notion that Remus wanted to be alone, but at the time Remus had only realized his mistake in bringing up Lily too late and was forced to spend the next half hour listening to James gush over her as a result instead.

Well... at least James had cheered up significantly though he wasn't sure how James could like Lily so much when she seemed to despise him. Remus wasn't sure if James' confidence was cause for concern or merely a symptom that his friend was certifiably insane. However, after listening to James rant about Lily for half an hour in a slightly strained tone which suggested to Remus that his friend was trying to distract himself from what he had just discovered, Remus was tempted to consider James was indeed insane.

He glanced up at Lily who had been waiting patiently for him to acknowledge her entering.

"I meant how are you feeling...you've had a rough day..." Lily explained with a little hesitant smile seemingly glad to find Remus tear-free though he knew his bloodshot eyes were a dead giveaway to the fact he had not recently been.

"...tired..." he replied honestly, catching himself from replying 'every day is a rough day' to Lily since he didn't know if he had it in him to console another friend when he felt like exploding himself.

"Would you like to stay here?"

He gave Lily an incredulous look that made her cheeks go dark red.

"Well...maybe not here exactly but I could keep you company in the common room if you don't want to sleep."

"Thanks, Lily but I think I will sleep," he lied knowing there was no way he would. "Besides tomorrow is Christmas Eve and then it's Christmas and the Yule Ball so we should both probably be well-rested."

"Remus if you aren't up to festivities that's fine. You don't have to tell me what Black did but I know it upset you a lot and if you just want to avoid him I'll be happy to help you."

Remus forced a laugh to hide from Lily the way his heart had split at her words for several reasons.

"Lily, even you and all your wits couldn't successfully avoid Sirius Black on a holiday."

He thought his comment would make her smile but he was beginning to realize Lily was nearly an impossible person to get to change a serious conversation into a joking one. He had gotten used to the way his roommates laughed about most things or turned uncomfortable topics around by bringing up something entirely different when they had enough of being sad.

And Remus had enough of being sad for the rest of his life.

"I mean it, Remus, you shouldn't have to be around him right now if you don't want to. I can only imagine the dreadfully hurtful things he's said."

Remus shrugged, feeling uncomfortable again. He didn't want to admit how much Sirius' comments hurt him because he didn't want to give Lily any more tinder for the fire of hatred that occasionally erupted in her at the mention of Sirius. However, Remus currently did not have it in him to lie and say he hadn't been affected either. So he stuck to saying nothing since it was safer, even if it meant Lily shooting him a disappointed look. He also really didn't want to complain about Sirius who as far as he was concerned had a point in what he said. Though he desperately wished his friend didn't feel the way he did he could understand why Sirius felt that way and therefore couldn't seem to be anything but sad over it. It had surprised him James had been mad at Sirius who he seemed to think was being unreasonable. Well...maybe James had a point though Remus didn't think it had needed to resort to the physical violence he had been informed by James the argument with him and Sirius had ended in.

"You aren't going to tell me are you?"

"Lily..." he began trying to sidestep the disapproving tone she had.

"I feel like you talk to those boys more than you do me sometimes," Lily replied in a sort of disheartened tone but Remus didn't say anything since it hadn't been phrased as a question and he didn't think anything he had to say right now would make her feel better. He just felt horribly guilty until Lily offered him a small smile. "Well, as long as you know I'm here for you to talk to if you ever need me too then it's alright I suppose."

"Thank you, Lily," he whispered hoping he could convey how much she really meant to him and how grateful he was for her friendship. By the comforting hug, she gave him before sending him on his way he was pretty sure he had.

…

Lily watched Remus leave and let a heavy sigh escape her. She went back into her dorm room, flopping onto her bed and burying her face in her pillow.

Boys were infuriating!

Remus was infuriating because she knew he didn't see how incredible he was and because he didn't take care of himself well enough, or confide in her/anyone enough.

Sirius was infuriating because he was a prejudiced git who didn't realize he was hurting a friend he claimed to care about more than almost anything. She hoped, in the end, Sirius cared about Remus more than his stupid biases...

James was infuriating because ooooooooo that James Potter was infuriating from the top of ridiculously messy hair to the bottom of his ridiculously often untied trainers.

Lily screamed into her pillow and looked at the rubbish bin where the flowers James, what seemed like forever ago, had given her had been quickly discarded. Only Marlene had found them and lectured her for nearly an hour about the 'importance of romantic gestures' and how she should be more grateful about a 'hot boy paying attention to her'. Lily really didn't get Marlene most of the time, especially when she talked about boys. Luckily Lily had Dorcas to remind her it wasn't Lily that was the weird one but Marlene.

Lily reached under her pillow pulling out a picture of her family who she missed. She had almost considered going home for the break but the Yule Ball seemed sort of exciting and she couldn't pass up the opportunity to go with Remus who she suspected wouldn't dare go with anyone else.

What was she going to do with that boy!

She frowned remembering how scary it had been to witness Remus so out of it. She had not known that he had flashbacks and she wished with all her heart he didn't. For someone to go back into a horrible time in their life and practically relive it again seemed really scary and completely unfair to Remus who was only a kid. She knew adults could have flashbacks but there shouldn't be any kids struggling with them, werewolf or not.

Lily sighed heavily, tracing her finger from her mom to her dad who gave the best helicopter rides and whose stubble chin used to tickle her when he tucked her into bed. Her dad had taught her a lot about the world both with school topics and life lessons that Lily was sure her mother would have censored more if given the chance. But she appreciated her dad's candor and how he spoke about really sad things with a kind smile that made her feel like everything would be ok. Lily had downplayed the turmoil in the wizarding world so her parents would keep letting her go to Hogwarts because not attending Hogwarts simply wasn't an option. But she really wished her dad could be here right now and give her that small but reassuring smile that would help convince her that things would be ok.

Lily knew a bit about trauma and flashbacks because of her dad and the next chance she got she knew she was going to ask her dad a lot more questions, though she wasn't sure how much her dad knew. Gone were the days Lily thought her dad knew everything. However, she did know he knew a lot about the matter since Lily's dad was friends with a Vietnam War Veteran who Lily's dad had explained suffered from the effects of the war. Mr. Findin was the soldier's name and Lily had met him multiple times since he came over for dinner sometimes. In a lot of ways, Lily could see similarities between the gentle soldier who sat at her kitchen table for dinner and with her gentle friend.

Both were really jumpy and sort of had this serious sort of scary look in their eyes sometimes. Not that she was scared of either of them but rather that look in their eyes made her scared for them. Her father had told her when she was much younger, that Mr. Findin was a hero with a lot of wounds and that they had to be extra nice to him because of it. It still confused Lily quite a bit though now that she was older she understood what her father had meant by wounds. Yes, Mr. Findin had lost an arm in the war but her father had been talking about the invisible wounds that Lily only got glimpses of when her father's friend stared off into nothing like he was watching a cinema play out before him, and not a good one. Lily knew Remus had invisible wounds, sadly she was beginning to fear he had more of them than she had originally thought.

What she was struggling with was understanding why there were similarities between Remus and Mr. Findin. She knew Remus went through a lot every month and she wouldn't dare think that what he constantly went through wasn't horrible and scary. But the soldier had been in a war with bombs and guns and other terrible muggle weapons that she still wasn't sure were better or worse than the weapons of the wizarding world. Perhaps they were tied? Had Remus experienced the equivalent of gunfire at the hand of some witch or wizard? She hoped not, but nowadays there was no way to be sure, not with the wizarding war just beginning.

All this violence and hate from Voldemort made her realize there really wasn't anywhere that was safe. Not even in her father's strong arms nor in her mother's constantly reassuring arms. But at least she had a mother.

She didn't think Remus had faced guns or bombs or had seen people die. Yet something deep within her didn't want to accept that Remus being a werewolf was as traumatic as a soldier fighting a war. She sniffed and blinked back tears knowing she needed to talk to Professor Corbyn again soon.

She greatly enjoyed Professor Corbyn's company and had sought out his counsel multiple times. She was pleased to have found him knowledgeable in matters of both the wizarding war and the muggle world. She hoped Remus could find a kind mentor in him as she had. Lily knew Corbyn was very accepting of Remus and she wanted them to talk so that Remus could realize more and more that there were people out there who loved him despite his lycanthropy. Lily would also have liked Remus to be friends with Mr. Howell only that no longer seemed feasible. She couldn't see them being friends not with how badly Remus had reacted to him, although perhaps it would be different without a crowd around that Remus no doubt felt judged by despite none of their classmates but her knowing the truth about him.

Well, James knew.

His earnestness to accept and be friends with Remus no matter what had certainly surprised her. He seemed…..quite chivalrous in his desire to get through to Sirius and keep Remus safe. It was…... if she was being honest... a bit endearing. Not that it even began to make up for James' arrogance and stupidity, especially when it came to him bullying Severus.

Only sometimes she wondered if Severus didn't also bully the Gryffindor boys. Lily wasn't entirely sure what to make of her dear friend these days. They had fought again and once more Severus had apologized to her. She knew he was just worried about her being around James and Sirius even though she had tried to convince him that being friends with Remus didn't mean she was friends with them. Out of the group of four boys Lily would consider herself a closer friend to even Peter than James and Sirius, and she hadn't really talked to Peter much, though he seemed nice enough if not awfully nervous.

Lily hoped Marlene was being nice to the boy. However, her friend seemed…..less and less interested in Peter, not revealing what her 'plan' was but assuring her and Dorcas that it would lead to her being as popular as her older sister had been, which seemed to be what Marlene cared about most. Lily was really glad she didn't feel that way about Tunney.

Still, Marlene's statements could be concerning sometimes, though Lily doubted she meant any harm. Marlene was just a bit...wild...or unpredictable was perhaps the best way to describe it. She knew Peter was feeling the strain of hanging out with her so much, though it surprised her Remus didn't seem to know about it. Lily had even tried to bring it up hoping to get Remus' advice on what to do about the matter since she didn't want either Peter or Marlene hurt. Only Remus had an awful lot on his mind lately and Lily knew if there was one thing he needed less of it was friendship drama. Sirius and James certainly gave him plenty of it without her adding Marlene and Peter into the mix.

Would Sirius accept Remus?

She sighed again, grateful her friends were gone so they couldn't comment on Lily's deep sighs which seemed to happen a lot and which they always assumed were over her 'romantic feelings'. She had much more important matters on her mind than romantic feelings, primarily her friendships, especially Remus'.

Whatever Professor Corbyn had done to calm him down she had to learn. If the rumors about the DADA position held any weight to them at all their amazing professor wouldn't be here next year and Lily had a sinking feeling that Remus' flashbacks wouldn't end in a year so she was determined to do whatever she could to help her dear friend.


	63. Chapter Sixty-Three: A Christmas Miracle

Chapter Sixty-Three: A Christmas Miracle

...

"Merry Christmas!" Sirius screamed, jumping up and down on his bed wildly. For once, James was up as quickly as him, throwing back the curtains around his bed with a broad smile and immediately launching himself at the massive pile of presents at the foot of his bed.

Peter wasn't far behind, his own large pile of presents attracting the yawning boy to it quickly. Sirius hopped off the bed and started towards Remus' bed quite pleased with his friend's own decent pile of presents, quite bigger than last year and with multiple presents Sirius could quickly identify as not coming from the three of them. In fact, Sirius' own pile might have been the smallest out of all of them. That was if he didn't count the multiple presents wrapped in silk black wrappings with fancy tags that made him know exactly from whence they had come.

"Leave him, Sirius. I'm sure he just wants to sleep. You wore us all out yesterday you madman," James laughed apparently in a good enough mood to lose the edge of annoyance that had appeared after Sirius' bruise had begun to form on his face. Whatever James had said to Remus yesterday had merely resulted in their friend stumbling back into the dorm late and collapsing onto his bed immediately asleep. Sirius had watched in confusion as James went over and took off their friend's shoes and tucked him in with a look of fondness that suggested the two of them were completely made up over whatever bullshit Lily had caused between them.

It should have been a relief but it left Sirius feeling scared, a sort of scared he figured if he thought about he could determine the origin of but which he instead ignored. Because it had been Christmas Eve and now it was Christmas and neither of those was the time to toy with the idea Remus' secret may be more horrible than he had previously considered. And James might already know….?

He'd lose his mind if James already knew. So instead he threw himself into the holidays with such abandon that he dragged his friends along with him.

And Christmas Eve had been a treasure, possibly the best he had ever had if he ignored the looks James and Remus exchanged and the underlying current of tension that ran through them, hinting that something big and unpleasant was about to take place soon. Still, it hadn't been all that hard to ignore, and if James and Remus seemed more down than could ever be allowed on Christmas Eve, it hadn't lasted long since Sirius had come up with many shenanigans to entertain them...and distract them.

They had conducted an epic snowball fight that lasted hours and almost ended up including all of the Gryffindors, even some seventh years partaking in the 'kiddy antics' since it was Christmas Eve 'so what the hell'. Of course, Patricia dominated the game with her practiced spells for tricks providing her with a deadly arsenal and her quick enough reflexes that allowed the game to end with only the Prewett twins able to hit her with snowballs. But of course the Prewett's harassing Patricia hadn't lasted long as she had somehow convinced them to join her cause. The chaos that had ensued was a treasure Sirius would reflect upon often and fondly. Mostly though, he had been ecstatic because of how effectively the Great Gryffindor Snowball Fight of 1972 pulled Remus and James out of their funk over a stupid girl and into the appropriate attitude to experience Christmas Eve in.

The Marauders had, of course, teamed up only to be, unfairly, targeted by the second year girls and he swore Lily had enchanted the snowballs to pelt him with a painful speed though he knew he could never prove it. The first years had dissolved to giggling in the snow far too nervous to go toe to toe with the other students and even Sirius had to admit he had scurried away from the seventh and sixth years who were much bigger than him. But it had been such a blast, even if he hadn't been able to wipe the smug look off Patricia's face as he had originally hoped.

After the snowball fight, the wet Gryffindors had retreated to their common room and huddled by the fire, packed like sardines since so many were in the common room at once. Some kind student had gathered up over seventy mugs of hot chocolate and the majority of the Gryffindors fell into a sort of chocolate induced coma pleasantly taking turns telling stories about their best Christmas memories and lamenting about embarrassing or cruel distant relatives. Sirius and Remus had both remained quiet during that but he was pretty sure Remus had enjoyed listening to the others and had basked in the rare sense of camaraderie with the whole of their house like he had. Then the Marauders had gone off on their own and played games in their dorm before allowing the other second-year boys to join them since 'tis the season.'

Then to top off an amazing day, they had gone to see Hagrid, Remus having the most brilliant idea to bring the man a Christmas Eve feast from the kitchens to avoid having to politely refuse deadly tea and rocks that barely passed for scones.

Had Sirius planned to spend Christmas Eve night exploring the castle and completing more progress on the map than they had in a while since they were all in high spirits with each other? Yes, he had because he was a genius! Did that mean they had stayed up to 2 am? Well….yes but that wasn't his fault and he explained that to James who was complaining at being tired. In response to Siriusfirmly pointing out his innocence, James looked amused and chucked a pillow at him in response.

"Still…...give Remus the gift of sleep you dolt."

"But I already gave him a present," Sirius complained, gesturing to a large box wrapped in gold paper that Elvis suddenly appeared behind of. "Oi get over here you." Sirius chided the kitten who gave him a distinctly petulant look before jumping onto the 'safety' of Remus' bed.

"I think Remus gives him treats," Peter explained, mouth full of his own treats and giving Sirius a consoling pat on his back.

"I should call him little traitor instead of Elvis."

"I think that name would make more sense," James pointed out unhelpfully and held up his new set of Quidditch gloves which appeared to be made of dragonhide and everything. "Go on then quit fretting about Remus and open your own presents," James encouraged holding up one of Sirius' presents, which by the gleam in his friend's eye the contents of which were already known.

Sirius obliged James, since he was a good mate after all, and was delighted by the presents he got only leaving the five from the members of house Black untouched. Well, he had opened two from his uncle but knew his uncle wouldn't be caught dead wrapping Sirius' own, much cooler, set of dragon hide Quidditch gloves with the same gift wrapping his parents used.

Sirius enjoyed the present itself, the long note updating Sirius on what his uncle had been doing, and the explanation Uncle Alphie gave about him 'just knowing' Sirius would be needing the gloves for next year. That had put Sirius in a very good mood and he decided he'd wear the sleek black gloves as he opened the rest of his presents particularly excited about the letter from Drommie and the baby pictures she had sent of Nymphadora, who despite having a hideous name was adorable and Sirius showed off her pictures to his friends, possibly being only a tad bit annoying about it. However, he had discovered that Nymphadora was a metamorphmagus, and if that wasn't a reason to brag he wasn't sure what was.

All the while, Sirius tried to ignore his growing concern on why Remus hadn't opened his presents let alone the curtains surrounding his bed yet.

"James what if he's dead?" he whispered to his friend as the three of them tossed around a fizzing freezer toy that Peter's uncle had gifted him waiting expectantly for it to blow up in one of their faces with a giant bang that would wake up Remus if he was even sleeping, and anyone else on their floor.

Remus had once said that the game was like a muggle game called hot potato only fizzing freezers were a lot more dangerous than any dumb potato which didn't blow up into fizzing sparklers when mishandled. Peter had attempted to say they should save the toy for when they were outside since there was technically a warning to not use the thing inside but it's not like it would actually burn anything... just maybe singe one of their eyebrows if they were unlucky enough to fumble the thing. Sirius was hoping the one who fumbled it was James since he was still a bit irked with his friend for his bizarre behavior lately.

Only in response to Sirius' comment, James hadn't given a sarcastic retort or a joke and instead looked concerned which threw Sirius off because he hadn't really been expecting Remus to be dead until James looked like that. This, unfortunately, meant that he was the one to fumble the round ball that had been slowly getting hotter and hotter, and realizing this he dropped the already sparking ball, swore loudly, dove backward, and hit the ground with the expertise of someone who had often played this game with his cousins, who he was sure had jinxed the toy so he'd always lose.

BAAAAANG BAAAAANG

Peter and James laughed as Sirius covered his face with his hands not about to have singed eyebrows right before the Yule Ball later in the evening, but still managed to watch the display of brilliant exploding lights in their room that faded after several minutes through the gaps between his fingers.

"Let's do that again!" James cheered giving Peter an appreciative thump on the back, the smaller boy glowing with pleasure at the Marauders liking the dangerous game so much.

Well….all but one Marauder.

"That's it!" Sirius growled ignoring James' attempt to stop him. While James was faster on a broom, Sirius was faster on the ground and reached Remus' bed first, pulling open the curtains. Remus was indeed asleep, out cold and Sirius gave him a shake glad his friend was breathing but concerned as to why he hadn't woken up after such a loud fiasco.

"What's wrong with him?" Peter asked worriedly peering over Sirius' shoulder on tiptoes.

"Move," James ordered and Sirius did because James sounded so serious and because he didn't know what else to do. "Remus….Remus you're concerning us wake up…"

"Did he take another sleeping draft?"

"Don't be daft Peter, he knows we give him one now he even watched you do it the other two days since you're not being sneaky about it."

"Because I don't have to be any more so what's the point," Peter retorted in frustration and Sirius had to admit he had a point.

"Still," he muttered since he was now in a bad mood. Remus was supposed to be up looking at his presents and being happy and reassuring Sirius he wasn't mad at him, though he wasn't quite sure why Remus would be. He knew from last year Remus didn't really hold grudges….at least he didn't think so. "Remus quit faking and get up!"

"I think he did take one…" James said quietly after getting that look on his face he had been getting a lot lately that Sirius didn't at all like.

"What? What is it? What am I missing?"

"He's….well maybe he didn't realize taking two would knock him out…?" James attempted weakly though that was a dumb suggestion because they all knew Remus was painfully aware of the consequences of taking two sleeping drafts.

"Why wouldn't he want to spend Christmas with us?" Sirius asked sharply because that's really what it was; it's the only thing that made sense. Remus purposely took another sleeping draft so he'd be out cold because for whatever reason he didn't want to be around them today. "Well if he doesn't want to hang out with us then…"

"I don't think it's that. I think he's just nervous….," James cut in quickly and Sirius paused in his plotting of harmless revenge on Remus when he woke up. Perhaps he'd tie the laces of his trainers together but he knew he'd be too worried about Remus tripping and somehow managing to seriously hurt himself. Remus really ought to shake the bad habit of falling asleep with his trainers on though.

"Nervous about what?" Sirius asked grumpily, crossing his arms and staring down at Remus as if the amount of displeasure he had at this turn of events would wake his friend up. Sirius quickly fought off the creeping notion that Remus was in another coma. People didn't just end up in a coma for no reason and as far as Sirius knew his friend hadn't fallen out of any windows lately…..

Thoroughly depressed now, Sirius reached down and pinched Remus' hand sort of hard as if it would wake him up.

"Stop that Sirius, it won't wake him anyways. He did take an extra sleeping draft," James explained holding up an empty bottle that had been neatly tucked into the top drawer of Remus Lupin's dresser alongside his folded socks. That boy who could really use a bit more mess in his life.

"How about we throw his socks around the room! That will show him."

"He's not trying to avoid us, Sirius," James insisted and Sirius narrowed his eyes at his stubborn friend.

"How can you be sure?"

"Like I was trying to say... I think he was nervous about Christmas….you know because of his dad?"

"What does that have to do with taking too many sleeping drafts?"

"Why do you care about that?"

"Because…"

"Sirius it doesn't matter, let's just let him sleep!" James exclaimed in frustration looking at Sirius with enough anger that it was almost like James was blaming him for this. Which was utterly ridiculous!

"It's Christmas!"

"It's not like we can wake him up anyway. It's either get him in trouble and then he'll be all upset about that and not have fun anyway or let him get sleep for once in his life since we don't have any classes. So quit being nosy and for Merlin's sake let him be!" James shouted and even though James' voice wasn't nearly as loud as the fizzing freezer had been Sirius still felt like it was.

"...I just….wanted to hang out with him…..," he pouted since he wasn't sure why James was so mad at him but he didn't like it at all and didn't want it to persist. James pinched the bridge of his nose for a second looking startlingly like Fleamont on the rare occasions Sirius had seen him upset over summer.

"I know I did too but….I mean he's earned some sleep right? His presents can wait and he'll be up around dinner time so we can hang out for a few hours before the Yule Ball."

"Or we could open all the presents up for the sod," Sirius muttered, not a fan of anyone interrupting his plans, even if that person was one of his friends. "Kidding just kidding," he added quickly at the look James shot him. He didn't like James acting like he was older than Sirius or the leader, he didn't like it one bit.

However, it was Christmas so Sirius would let it slide….just this once.

…..

Remus opened his eyes, head pounding feeling extremely groggy. It took him a few seconds before he realized why and his cheeks heated with shame. He knew sleeping draughts could be addictive and dangerous if not regulated properly but he assured himself it was just this once.

He just wanted one night without nightmares. And more than that he didn't want to face Sirius...or even James just yet...Christmas Eve had been bad enough. With luck, he could slip downstairs and just run into them at the Yule Ball where the public event would prevent them from being too mad at him. He already had his lie ready and everything, that he thought Peter hadn't given it to him since he hadn't been able to fall asleep. It wasn't his best lie ever but he was counting on Sirius to be preoccupied with Christmas which would therefore allow him to get away with it.

"Finally awake huh?"

He sat up with a jolt and a guilty lurch at seeing James standing by his bed with his arms crossed looking tired.

"Where's…."

"Sirius? Don't worry I convinced him chasing the blood purist Slytherin assholes with enchanted snowmen was a good way to get some of his frustration at having to go to the Ball with Julia MacNair out. Which is insane because Julia is actually really cool but you know how he gets about his family. But anyway what the bloody hell were you thinking? Do you know how hard I had to cover for you! I said it was because of your dad which I guess is reasonable but blimey Remus do you know how hurt Sirius would be if he thought you were actually avoiding him? Not cool mate. not cool at all," James scolded him and Remus hung his head, his plan at getting some peace and quiet before the dance backfiring.

"I…..just thought…"

"What?" James asked exasperatedly his hand in his hair as if he might pull it out. Remus noticed he looked tired, understandably as stressed as Remus was about Sirius finding out. They had both decided that telling Sirius the day after Christmas would be the best since he'd still be high on Christmas cheer. James was convinced Sirius might be a jerk about it but that he wouldn't tell the Ministry on Remus. That was just a level of cruelty Sirius didn't have in him, James had assured him more than once. Remus wasn't sure if James realized it wouldn't be cruelty but fear on Sirius' part for doing so, a reasonable fear, but he wasn't about to stress James out even more.

".I thought….that...you…...guys would….have a better Christmas….." he whispered quickly blinking back tears. Remus didn't think he could have spent all day pretending not to be absolutely terrified for tomorrow, a much quicker date than he had wanted but James had insisted that James would slip up soon and it really would be better for Sirius to find out from Remus telling him. It had taken everything out of Remus to keep up with Sirius' happiness and excitement on Christmas Eve. So taking a deep breath Remus tried to explain this to James who just seemed a little stunned.

"What? That's mental. Even if you were upset you could have blamed it on your dad!"

"James…..just…...if…..if it was you...would…..you…? Look...it's hard….sometimes….because I don't think Sirius is going to like me anymore and…." Remus tried so hard to hold back the blasted tears but found them flowing down his cheeks again. "...I don't want to lose him as my friend…"

"You won't," James said confidently and Remus blinked through his tears trying to find some indication James was lying.

"How….how can you be so sure?" he asked in a broken voice.

"Because I won't let that happen," James replied with just as much confidence and Remus realized as his chest lightened some, that he held onto some hope that James could carry out that promise.

"Thank you, James," Remus cried quickly wiping away his tears. James shifted, his cheeks growing red with embarrassment as he grinned and stood taller, undoubtedly proud of himself.

"What are friends for?" James replied awkwardly, "by the way mate, about time you open your presents don't you think? Only you better wait because if Sirius finds out you opened them without him he'll throw a fit," James cracked a smile, "Cheer up mate it's Christmas and you somehow managed to avoid the insanity of Sirius which is a minor miracle I reckon."

Remus let out a watery laugh unbelievably glad for James' friendship and the fact he wasn't angrier with him.

"A Christmas miracle indeed, well it was nice while it lasted. Here he comes,"

"Huh?"

Remus bit back a groan and was glad he didn't have to explain that his hearing was a bit sharper than others after having strained to hear when his dad arrived home for years, to figure out by mere footsteps if his father had drunken or not by the differing sound of his staggering or nor staggering steps. Remus wasn't comfortable thinking his good hearing had something to do with being a werewolf. His lycanthropy already affected too much of his life so he wasn't about to chalk up his good hearing to it as well.

Sure enough, Sirius bustled in, face pink from the cold, arm draped around Peter who he announced with pride had somehow managed to shove snow down Arja's pants.

"You should have seen him squirm, James, it was…..oh you're awake! About bloody time. Presents! Presents! Presents!" Sirius practically squealed, leaping almost onto Remus' surprisingly large pile and shoving a gift impatiently into his hands.

James not being mad at him Remus could understand, but Sirius not hounding him for an explanation or being mad at him was a Christmas Miracle indeed!


	64. Chapter Sixty-Four: Into the Fire

Chapter Sixty-Four: Into the Fire

Sirius had not forgotten about Remus essentially drugging himself nor was he as naive as James to find no issue with it. Living in the Black family which consisted of many fucked up characters, Sirius had experienced and witnessed a lot. One such thing was the poison that sleeping draughts could be, it was why he avoided them like plague even though he knew they could be very helpful to him. It's why he had been so angry with himself and really all of them when Remus had accidentally overdosed once before.

But for it to happen a second time, and on purpose!

Sirius shook away the image of the old woman with spittle running down her chin and empty eyes that only seemed to light up when the little vile of poison was given to her.

It was Christmas and he would think about what to say to Remus later. Make no mistake he'd have a serious talk with him since he didn't think Remus understood the severity that sleeping draught addiction be. Sirius understood the appeal of simply overdosing on the potion and sleeping with no dreams and more deeply so more time could pass in which less time awake was given to worry or to think dark thoughts, which is how he knew Remus could understand such an appeal as well. Which was why he was worried.

But it was Christmas and he reminded himself having that conversation with his friend could wait until after Christmas and the Yule Ball.

Ugh, he wasn't looking forward to the stupid dance! James thought he was bloody lucky to be going with Ms. MacNair but James didn't know it was just another chance for his family to shove a gentleman's necktie around his neck and that was basically just the equivalent of a silk chain. Sirius unconsciously tugged on his shirt collar glad to find the dress robes his mother had 'oh so kindly' gifted him for Christmas weren't on his body…..yet.

"Thank you Peter this is wonderful," Remus replied with a smile that still seemed far too downcast for Sirius' liking. Peter beamed and hugged Remus who Sirius watched closely for any physical injury. He knew Remus' ankle still hurt as he caught him limping from time to time and Sirius had to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from interrogating Remus over the matter.

Sirius watched a little bored as Remus opened up presents that weren't his, though he found great annoyance that little miss Lily Evans had found it necessary to give Remus one gift from her and another gift from her only it was labeled 'pen pals'. Sirius snorted as Remus cracked a more sincere smile at the book the 'pen pal' that was obviously Lily gave him, those two were such swots!

Then Remus opened his present and the smile on his face grew.

"Sirius this is incredible!"

"Now you don't have to struggle to shove books into your bag which threaten to fall and we all know what a crime it would be if you accidentally damaged one of your precious books."

"Oh thank you, Sirius, these bags of holding can be hard to find."

And expensive. But Sirius wasn't going to let Remus know that, not when he was so delighted he had gotten his friend to finally lighten up. It's not as if Sirius wasn't aware that Remus had been faking quite a bit yesterday. It's not as if Sirius hadn't gotten much better at reading his friends, especially Remus.

"Mine next, I'm tired of waiting," James complained, with a hint of competitive jealousy that Sirius found amusing because there was no way the git could beat him.

Remus gave James a rather awkward smile but Sirius was glad that at least James had gotten over whatever internal conflict he had been having about Remus and Lily since it was with genuine happiness James handed the package to Remus. Sirius watched the gold wrapping paper come off the gift with an exaggerated carefulness since Remus seemed determined to save as much of the paper as possible for some silly reason.

A thick plush pillow fell into Remus' hands and Sirius was about to shoot a gloating look at James since he had clearly won. But then Remus let out a snort of amusement and buried his face in the pillow and the look Sirius gave James turned into one full of confusion.

"It's cool," Remus replied startled, looking at James in surprise, and Peter who was sitting closer to Remus leaned over to touch it.

"Yep, it will adjust its temperature to yours and since you're often feverish it should help with headaches and whatnot," James explained looking a little embarrassed.

"I love it," Remus assured James who seemed to take that confirmation as some sort of personal win though Sirius still didn't get what was so great about some lumpy pillow even if it was enchanted pretty creatively.

"What does 'Friends no matter the FLP' mean?" Peter asked and whatever it stood for it made Remus' face go red and caused James to shoot a gloating look at Sirius.

"Just an inside joke," James smirked and Sirius glowered.

"That's not fair!" Peter and Sirius cried out at the same time.

"Thank you, James," Remus said sincerely, a softer smile than Sirius had received making Sirius declare fowl while Peter asked James why they didn't all get embroidered pillows.

"Embroidered? I didn't know you know how to embroider, little girly Potter don't you think?" Sirius taunted trying to feel better about what was appearing to be James' win.

"I didn't! I paid someone else to do it."

"Was it Lily?" Peter asked with amusement and Sirius felt satisfied at the blush that appeared on James' face.

"It was not."

"But you wish it was~," Sirius taunted laughing at James spluttering slightly. He might find Lily annoying but he had to admit, teasing James about her was a great deal of fun.

"Remus still has two more presents guys," James called out suddenly in an attempt to take the attention off him, which worked.

"Go on then, open them, Remus," Peter encouraged, and if Remus was more than a little embarrassed at having all of them crowd around him and make a big deal about all the gifts he received then good! That would teach Remus never to miss Christmas morning again, not when he was with his friends anyway.

"What is it?"

"I…..don't know…..I think it's…...it's my mom!" Remus exclaimed holding up a picture of a young pretty picture holding a small baby in her arms. It seemed a bit faded and crumpled around the edges and it didn't move but whoever gave Remus that present had definitely won if the look of absolute delight on Remus' face was anything to go by!

"Who's it from? Your dad right?" Sirius asked eagerly, hoping this meant Remus' dad really was trying to be better. He felt sad his parents couldn't do the same but quickly shoved that thought away.

"Don't you have a bunch of pictures of her?" Peter asked puzzled.

"...no…...my dad…..it hurt him too much."

Sirius didn't miss the past tense of 'hurt' or the way Remus said it as if it had been quite some time since he had seen his mother, picture or alive. Sirius clenched his teeth forcing the question back and figured if anyone had won the impromptu competition to get Remus the best gift it was Sirius giving Remus the gift of his silence since his mouth was physically bleeding as he was biting his tongue so hard so as not to say anything.

James, it seemed had also picked up on the subtle clues hinting that Remus' mother had died some time ago and shot Sirius a nervous look. But Remus didn't notice as he was too busy examining several other pictures with a sort of reverence in his gentle handling of them which was something to behold.

"There's no tag but my dad must have sent them. She's so young in these, and look, Sirius, she had a kitten!" Remus let out a laugh as Elvis seemed to take that as an invitation to crawl into the beaming boy's lap.

"That's great mate, but go on and open the last present because Sirius will probably need hours to style his hair before the dance," James snorted and Sirius stuck his tongue out at his friend neither confirming nor denying the possible bottle of Sleakeasy's waiting for him in the bathroom cupboard.

"Right, sorry it's quite late," Remus apologized and Sirius had a feeling the apology had a little more to do with why Remus was opening his present so late rather than the tender attention, he was giving each and every one of his presents. In fact, Sirius really loved watching Remus enjoy things, especially holidays like this, where, if Remus' upbringing had been anywhere like his, it hadn't happened often.

Remus opened the last present and any source of joy on his face vanished so dramatically that Sirius was ready to throw whatever it was Remus had far away from him, convinced it would be one of those nasty painful presents that Bellatrix had sometimes liked to give him.

But it was just a cute stuffed bunny with one ear stitched. The thing looked old and worn and the little card with it had fallen to the ground merely said 'I never forgot about you. From an old friend.'

Why such a thing would leave Remus visibly shaken was beyond Sirius, but he knew it wasn't good. He reached over snatching away the bunny which he was now convinced looked quite demented. Waiting a few seconds in case Remus wanted to snatch it back Sirius got to his feet.

"What….what are you going to do with it….?" Remus asked in a small voice.

"Put it where it belongs. Want to come with me?"

Remus nodded and Sirius offered his friend his hand, having to pull hard to get Remus to stand his friend swaying and quickly forced to lean against him. Sirius placed his arm over Remus' shoulder wanting to protect him from whatever it was about that blasted gift that was hurting him.

James and Peter were clearly much more lost than he was shooting puzzled looks between each other but they seemed to know this was a moment they shouldn't interrupt. Sirius was glad they had enough sense to stay quiet and stay behind. Sirius might not know what this stuffed animal signified for Remus but he knew what he had dreamed of doing with his crappy gifts for many years and he hoped Remus would gain some semblance of satisfaction at doing with this awful gift what Sirius never had been able to with his.

Together Sirius and Remus walked down the steps and whether his friend realized what they were going to do or not until they reached their destination hardly mattered, as long as he would allow the demented bunny to die as it deserved.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Sirius asked, aware he was speaking gently to Remus, somewhere inherently aware that whatever this moment was about, it was extremely hard for Remus. His friend stood in front of the fire in the common room, luckily empty with people already getting for the dance in their rooms, crying silently.

"...I…...I….can't…."

Sirius nodded feeling a little shaky and gripping the bunny so tight he hoped it would explode into a little mess of cotton. Sirius wanted to stab the stuffed animal to rip the head off this strange item that seemed to signify something really wrong, perhaps the very secret Sirius had been trying to find out for so long? But Sirius could be mature when he chose to be and he knew deep down that going ape shit crazy on this horrible thing would only upset Remus further.

"Can I?" he asked quietly, aware that if on the slim chance there was some confusion and he ended up destroying something Remus later wanted, that he'd never forgive himself.

"Please," Remus whispered, voice cracking as tears kept falling.

"Fuck you bunny," Sirius whispered under his breath imagining all the terrible things he wanted to do with it, taking a deep breath, and tossing the stuffed animal into the fire.

They watched the body curl and turn black and crisp before the whole thing seemed to implode and slowly disappeared into smoke and flames. Sirius thought he'd feel better watching it go but his head was swimming with more questions and concerns than ever. Glancing at Remus whose cheeks were still glistening with tears he had the somber notion this hadn't helped his friend much either. Glancing around the common room Sirius slipped his hand into Remus' giving it a squeeze hoping that whatever that lost look in Remus' eyes was, would stop.

"Hmmm hmmm~ Woah oh um…..hiya boys am I interrupting something?" Patricia asked jovially, her eyebrows raising in amusement which made Sirius feel oddly self-conscious. He pulled his hand away from Remus who tried to turn away from Patricia quickly enough to hide his tears.

He didn't turn fast enough though.

"Who the hell do I need to beat up?" Patricia asked point blank and Sirius would have grinned at her if he wasn't feeling heavy and oddly intrusive about what he had just witnessed. Sirius could see that when neither Sirius grinned nor Remus replied with some well-crafted lie their older friend grew more perplexed.

Tilting her head in command for him to follow Patricia retreated to the far end of the common room and Sirius followed hoping the crackling of the fire would prevent Remus from overhearing them.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He….." Sirius thought about explaining what had happened to Patricia who was older and hopefully more versed in handling such matters. But for all he knew Patricia had a perfect home life and would be as lost on how to help as James was. So instead he trailed off trying to express without words that this wasn't something he knew how to vocalize.

Patricia rolled her eyes and put either a threatening or comforting hand on his shoulder. It was nearly impossible to tell which with Patricia.

"Come on dumbass give me a hint or I can't really help now can I," Patricia explained in her odd mix of bordering offensive gruffness and contrasting endearment that kept Sirius considering her to be a friend despite how cold she sometimes was to them.

"His dad sucks," Sirius muttered, finding no other way to come close to explaining and secretly hoping Patricia could read more into the comment and somehow know what to do.

"His dad didn't send him a present. Ah, what a fucker." Patricia grumbled and Sirius almost started crying in frustration. How could he say it was worse than that? Even being beaten by his mother on a semi-regular basis wouldn't cause Sirius to throw a present into the fire with such devastating sadness. Sure, with his mother's present Sirius was sure he would feel anger and bitterness hell yeah, but not the sort of reserved haunted look that seldom appeared on Remus' face and which creeped Sirius the heck out when it did.

Taking his silence as confirmation Patricia gave his shoulder a pat.

"Hang in there kid."

Then before Sirius could stop her, or better yet decide if he should or not Patricia was walking over to Remus. But worse than that, in a twist, Sirius could never have seen coming, Patricia was suddenly whisking Remus up the steps into the girls' section calling over to Sirius that he'd see Remus at the dance.

Sirius stood there shocked, then tried to follow since he might be willing to wait to discuss Remus misusing sleeping drafts but he wasn't about to wait to discuss….discuss whatever that had been!

"Remus wait!"

But the only response he got was the steps shifting into a slide that sent him falling to the ground unsure whether to thank or curse Patricia.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter ends in a CLIFFHANGER! If cliffhangers bother you then I suggest waiting until next week when I will post the following chapter. However, if you want to torture yourselves by all means go ahead. But you have all been warned so don't come crying to me :P.

Chapter Sixty-Five: The Beginnings of Truth

"Remus you don't have to dance," Lily laughed as Remus spun her around ignoring the pain it shot through him.

"I'm a gentleman Lily…..or I try to be?" he mumbled feeling his cheeks go hot as she grinned at him encouragingly.

"You are a gentleman, Remus, just a gentleman. A perfect gentleman but I haven't forgotten you're injured and I'm perfectly happy dancing with Dorcas and Marlene if you would like a break."

Remus shook his head avoiding glancing at Sirius. It had certainly already been a long first half-hour of the dance. Upon arriving at the dance, the second year 'dates' had lasted all of fifteen minutes. James had gotten in one dance with Dorcas where he showed off his impressively bad dance moves before Dorcas had left him to dance with Marlene who hadn't even given poor Peter a shot. Sirius had danced two dances with his date who James seemed a bit in awe over, although Remus suspected his friend was just trying incredibly hard not to ogle Lily who looked very pretty in a dark green dress her mother had sent her. Sirius had not seemed at all impressed by his date however, and into the third dance with Sirius dancing very fluidly he 'accidentally' dropped his date who went storming off in a rather loud fit of rage.

Remus had momentarily stopped dancing with Lily at that point to watch poor Sirius get absolutely drenched in some punch as two of the girls' friends took it upon themselves to levitate it over the unsuspecting boy who didn't hear James' and Remus' warning. When Lily pointed out a bit smugly that was what he got for dropping the poor girl Remus had quietly explained why Sirius had been so against dancing with the girl to which Lily went quiet over. Remus supposed arranged marriages and the like were as uncommon in the muggle world as in the wizarding world. Remus had debated whether going over to help Sirius would result in his friend trying to get him to talk about what had happened earlier, which Remus didn't want to think about, at the very least not for the rest of the night.

But he hadn't even reached his decision on if he dared try to help Sirius or not when the drenched boy had announced loudly enough for everyone to hear it was a small price to pay to get away from a blood purist which had caused quite a stir, but at least Sirius had taken the whole thing in stride.

The Abrasalts had predictably seemed offended, though it was hard to tell if it was because a little boy had momentarily disrupted the dance or if it was because they were blood purists. Dumbledore who had been dancing with Headmaster Christolph to everyone's amusement had declared at that moment it was time for some light refreshments and together he and the headmaster of the Abraeselts, who though Remus wouldn't encourage Sirius did greatly resemble Santa Clause, conjured individual silver tables decorated with enchanted snowflakes that merely dangled overhead like personal chandeliers.

Sirius had dried himself off at that point, but before James or Remus could reach him Narcissa had first, and whatever she had said to Sirius had chastised him greatly.

When the Marauders had finally regrouped and all sat together, Sirius wasn't willing to say much on the subject. Then Peter had left to go attempt to sit with Marlene who would have probably been better company. James had attempted to get Sirius to tell him and Remus more about what Narcissa had said. However, while Sirius wouldn't reveal to either of them what Narcissa had said he assured them that she wouldn't be sending him home because then she'd have to admit to his 'dear mum' that she had failed. Sirius seemed quite confident in this declaration but James and Remus had still shot each other a worried glance while Peter came back over and quite randomly had asked Sirius to teach him how to dance. Sirius had laughed a far too exaggerated laugh and had instead grabbed James' hand explaining James needed the lessons more than Peter who found that amusing indeed. Only James instead of following along, had tried to take the lead himself which meant the two of them had both just ended up stomping on each other's foot harder and harder each time in what became a ridiculous contest to see who would break first.

At that point, Remus had left them glad to get away from Sirius and his piercing gaze and to meet up with Lily who had also disappeared for some reason.

Lily had apologized for disappearing and he had apologized for leaving her to deal with Black and the two of them had smiled at each other with the newfound relief of both being absolutely certain they both just saw themselves as friends.

"It's alright Remus. I understand taking care of Black and Potter is a full-time job," Lily had teased to which Remus had amusedly conceded she had a point. They had then talked about books while dancing, and subtly placed bets on how long James could stand it before he tried to interrupt. As Remus struggled to keep up with the conversation, he tried desperately not to think about what had only been a few hours prior. It already felt like a long time ago in which he had been helped surprisingly, not only by Patricia's coincidentally great timing in whisking him away from Sirius who would without a doubt would have pried into the cause of Remus' embarrassing display but also by Patricia's advice to 'stick it to the man'.

"Don't let the fucker have more power over you, Remus. Here sip this it will cheer you up, just a sip though mind you." Remus had been desperate when he had taken Patricia up on her offer to escort him upstairs as that would be away from Sirius whose questions he decided he never wanted to face. It had been pleasant yet unsurprising to discover Patrica was fine not pressing and instead let him chill with her and her roommate who kept a lively enough chat going that Remus was able to successfully stay distracted, helped along by the sips of firewhisky Patricia assured him he had earned.

Of course, it was hard for Remus to stay even pretend happy at the dance, but he didn't want to ruin the night for Lily as he was worried he had done for Sirius who every time he stopped smiling too broadly had a dark look in his storm-cloud eyes. Remus supposed it helped that he normally liked to dance, at least to some extent. Apparently, Lily had been delighted to find Remus was a much better dancer than anyone thought he could be and Remus pointedly ignored the eyes of James and Sirius boring into him with what he could only imagine was shock from Sirius, along with frustration at Remus dodging him, and envy from James.

But despite the pain and the fighting off of memories, he really was having a mildly pleasant time. He even opened up to Lily, explaining the reason he knew to dance so well was that his mother had taken ballet as a little girl and though she had hated it, she had enjoyed dancing and used to dance with Remus when he was very young. He recalled the last time he had danced with her, his poor mother in a wheelchair, her hair long gone but his mum still beautiful with her smile that had been growing increasingly rare.

No matter how bad opening presents earlier had ended for him, Remus would treasure those pictures of his mother forever, pictures his dad must have gifted him unless the bunny had….

"Remus are you alright? Are you sure you're not hurt? You're trembling."

"Just cold," Remus assured her as he nearly started crying and proceeded to quickly change the subject on if Lily had seen Severus yet. Her stiffening body posture on the one topic that could almost always get her off-topic gave away that Severus probably had something to do with why she had disappeared.

"Sev apologized about saying mean things and explained he was just…..um upset at the time. I guess some of the older boys give him a really hard time about….about hanging out with me," Lily explained and they had both fallen silent, dancing and just focusing on the music rather than the sad memories that seemed to want to surface for each of them.

Then Remus had inhaled a bit too sharply as Lily, who had admitted to having very little dancing experience, bumped into him. His efforts to convince her he was fine were proving fruitless and Remus was forced to consider the fact that he might have to go sit back at the table with his friends who had been amusing themselves by spitting spitballs at happy older couples and who would certainly give him a hard time for dancing with Lily if nothing else.

At least now that James knew what Remus was, there was no way James still felt that Remus was a threat to him 'one day dating Lily'. Because James, who despite assuring him Remus would find love one day when Remus had been explaining there was no possibility of Lily liking him romantically, clearly was more than a bit naive when it came to the makeup of werewolves. Unfortunately, Sirius still seemed to think Remus and Lily were secretly dating and because he was a good mate to James seemed particularly cross about it all.

So as much as dancing hurt, it hurt less than the prospect of sitting at the table and being harassed by his friends. Nor did he want Sirius to bring up earlier and demand an explanation from him on what had happened. Then he saw while dancing with Lily, who had let him continue to dance but was herself dancing much more carefully, Peter had joined the table and seemed quite tired. Remus felt bad for his friend who he suspected had been 'instructed' by Marlene to fetch the punch for her and Dorcas. Only the group around Marlene had kept growing so Peter had kept running back and forth fetching punches for Marlene and a growing circle of friends she seemed to have from all the houses.

"Maybe I'll sit for a bit after all," he admitted, surprised to find Lily gripping him tightly in response.

"Oh no, you don't. Remus Lupin don't you dare leave me alone with Potter," she whispered and Remus was surprised to realize James was confidently striding over to them running a hand through his hair in a manner which gave away, to Remus at least, how nervous his friend was.

"Lily, can't you dance one dance with him?"

In response, Lily poked his chest gently.

"Don't ever suggest such a ridiculous thing to me again! He'd never let me live it down and I refuse to be a mere source of amusement for him and Black, nor will I be apart of whatever stupid contest they have going on or whatever the reason is that James has recently decided to keep harassing me," she declared crossly and Remus gripped her hands just a bit tighter so that she couldn't hex James with the wand that was sticking just slightly out of the little black purse she had with her.

"Am I interrupting a lovers quarrel?" James asked with a lopsided smile that made him look both hopeful and nauseated at the same time.

"No, Potter you weren't. You are however ruining a good time so please bugger off," Lily replied coldly, her eyes a definite challenge on what she would do, in front of teachers and everyone if he didn't 'bugger off'. Remus wondered why Lily didn't seem to realize her responses only egged James on more, who if anything seemed to like that fact that Lily would get a detention for hexing him. In fact, James might find getting hexed worth it to have Lily get detention. Remus had recalled overhearing snippets of Sirius trying to get James to partake in a 'genius' plan to date Lily. A plan, Remus was sure, that was actually devised to just get Lily mad at James.

"Did you have a good time with Dorcas?" he interjected quickly.

"Yes, Potter. Perhaps you should go back to your date," Lily replied scathingly, ignoring Remus giving her a look that tried to communicate his desire for her to try to behave herself since Remus knew that James wouldn't.

"Ah yeah,...yeah I was wondering if you'd like to dance though?"

Remus could feel Lily tense and could only imagine her replying something biting about James' dreadful dancing which would make him say something rude and the bickering would begin and get worse until one of them lost their temper, most likely Lily, and wound up in trouble for it. So Remus did the only sensible thing he could think of.

"Sure James," he replied brightly as he could manage, letting go of Lily and grabbing the hands of an utterly stunned James. He glanced over at Peter and Sirius who were both hunched over in laughter as Remus ducked James taking advantage of his shock and pulling him into the dance. Remus felt quite pleased with himself and just knew Lily was beaming at him. Of course James was less than pleased, but Remus knew that James knew he was injured and wouldn't risk injuring him more by fighting with him like he had with Sirius.

"Well played Lupin, well played," James grumbled but soon forgot to be irritable with him trying to wait for Remus to slip up so he could take the lead. "How are you so bloody good at dancing anyway?"

"How are you so bloody bad at it?" Remus asked cheekily and smiled when James let out a laugh. He had been worried James would jerk away from him with fear and discomfort on his face. Maybe part of James knew Remus was worried about that... because Remus certainly didn't expect James to dance a second dance with him!

"Careful, I think we're making Sirius jealous," James snickered and leaned in close whispering for Remus to look at Sirius once he pulled away as if James had just said something funny about him. Remus rolled his eyes but complied and predictably Sirius thought they had been talking about him and stormed over.

"Break it up you two, break. it. up."

"Jealous Black~" James laughed, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius who gave him a shove in reply. James let go of one of Remus' hands and pulled Sirius into the dance. Remus let out a laugh at the look of surprise on Sirius' face before his friend's grey eyes fell on him and he found himself choking on his laughter instead. He knew he had to talk to Sirius soon and somehow looking into those eyes brought back all the hatred he had seen in them when Sirius had talked about dark creatures.

"Guys let me in," Peter called and James was quick to do so, putting the four of them in a lopsided circle formation which led to them bumping several offended couples out of their way.

"This is as it should be mates. Marauders for life! With no one getting in the way of it," James declared proudly.

"Hey James, Lily is motioning for you to come dance with her," Sirius replied in a flat tone winking at Peter who quickly backed him up.

"Whaaa? Really?" James' eyes sparkled and he quickly broke the 'circle of Marauders that no one should get in the way of' only to find Lily wasn't even looking at them and was instead giggling with Marlene and Dorcas.

"Typical," Sirius scoffed.

"You suck Black," James mumbled cheeks red. "Come on Peter let's go convince Fabian to spike the punch," James called, walking away with Peter who looked quite nervous at the thought of approaching the other Prewett who was much more rambunctious than his younger twin.

"Gonna dance with me next?" Sirius asked, holding his hand out to Remus.

"I think dancing with James nearly killed me so I'm going to sit for a bit," Remus bit back a yawn rolling his eyes at Sirius' puppy dog eyes still extremely worried about what Sirius would ask him if he could grab Remus' hands and keep him from running. It was no doubt the only reason why his silly friend wanted to dance with him at all.

"You should have at least taught James some dance moves."

"I thought you already tried," Remus laughed forcefully, recalling the attempt that had ended in Peter's bed curtain being ripped off and Sirius on the floor looking downright scandalized at how terrible of a dancer James had been….still was. This dancing disaster had occurred right before the dance when Remus found out that his friends had all waited for him to reappear from Patricia's and instead of being mad at him for nearly making them late, they had only masked their worry for him by teasing him about his more than a bit out of fashion dress clothes until James declared he could not allow his friend to go dressed like that and gave Remus some of his old ones. Remus really didn't deserve his friends, not a single one of them.

"He's a lost cause. I love the Potters but blimey they could use a little more...class sometimes. I mean you can even dance better than him and you…." Sirius tsked then shot Remus a nervous look as if worried he'd take it the wrong way.

"I'm dirt poor and a half-blood?" Remus questioned with a shrug, those facts about himself hardly worth the bother as opposed to some other ones.

"Well…..er…..anyways how did you get so good at dancing?"

Remus hadn't answered the question when James asked, but perhaps because James knew what Sirius didn't, Remus felt a pull to actually tell Sirius. So he did.

Oddly enough, not only did Sirius not bring up earlier but somehow in some inexplicable way he and Sirius ended up leaving the Great Hall, Sirius saying it was best to be far away from the crime scene as James was bound to convince Fabian to do it. Remus had wholeheartedly agreed after realizing Sirius was content to leave things be for now and that these peaceful moments with Sirius wouldn't last much longer.

So they walked around the crisp grounds, each shivering badly as neither of them was dressed appropriately, but both of them did not want to go back inside. Sirius listened as Remus divulged the details about the rare precious moments with his mother somehow getting carried away, the pictures of her from earlier resurfacing old memories of her.

"She was a lot of fun, even when she got sick. She was sad and cried a lot but there were good days when we'd dance in the rain or run across the beach. She was convinced I should have some good times as well and that it was important I have fun. She was the only one who could convince me to have fun….well she was the only one who tried. But still...I think you would have liked her. She was so clever and smart and seemed to know more about the magic community than my dad did. Maybe he talked to her when they were alone but I mostly remember them fighting. She used to have friends and a vibrant life but I ruined that when…." Remus stopped dead, hardly believing how much he had said, had let himself say.

"You're dad being an arse isn't your fault Remus…." Sirius explained with anger in his voice that Remus knew wasn't directed at him as his friend grabbed his hand tightly. Remus gave a little squeeze and tried to give Sirius a small smile.

"It…... was my fault Sirius I…" Remus hesitated, remembering James' warning about not being able to keep a secret long and how much better it would be if he told Sirius. "I…...was…..hurt by a wizard….that's who….um….."

"Crocio'd you," Sirius whispered looking like he was hardly breathing, his eyes not filled with the hungry fervor Remus expected to find when he started opening up more. Instead, there was a concern and a sort of fear for him that made Remus want to cry.

How much longer before the fear for him became of him?

"Remus…" Sirius whispered gently giving his hand another encouraging squeeze. "What happened?"

"I never should of….it was my fault, Sirius…..I didn't…..I should have…" Remus stammered hardly believing he was doing this… He was so selfish, he was going to ruin Sirius' Christmas because he was a selfish monster.

"Remus….Remus, breathe. You're safe now." Sirius encouraged pulling Remus into a hug.

"Sirius you don't understand. My mom got sick because of me….I…...I got hurt young….."

He felt Sirius tense and hug Remus tighter. He knew that his friend was thinking that some full-grown wizard had come and attacked Remus' entire family or something.

Of course, Sirius would think that after witnessing how he had completely overacted over something so stupid a few long hours ago.

"She was…..was so worried…...worried her sick…" Remus stammered trying to form the words 'Sirius I'm a werewolf. Sirius, I was bitten and I know it was my fault but if you could find it in yourself to not hate me somehow I'd really appreciate it.' Instead, he just hugged Sirius back letting him gain comfort from his friend who kept promising him his mom didn't die because of him.

Remus buried his face in Sirius' shoulder forcing the tears to stop knowing it would hurt less if Sirius wasn't physically touching him when he told him.

"Sirius….I…"

Sirius let Remus pull away from the hug looking nervous.

"There's more, isn't there? Did that wizard curse you? Blimey, is that why you get so sick?"

Remus nodded wondering if Sirius would get to the answer without him physically saying it. Sirius went to hug him again, still looking scared for him, a now sort of overwhelmed helpless look appearing in his eyes that Remus had already recently seen mirrored in James' eyes.

Remus was too much for his friends….he was always too much and too much of a problem.

He closed his eyes unable to bear to see Sirius' expression when he told him the truth.

"Sirius I'm…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH"

Remus' eyes shot open his blood going cold at the scream full of pain that ripped from someone and echoed from out further into the grounds of Hogwarts.

"Help! Help!"


	66. Chapter Sixty-Six: True Gryffindors

TWs: Detailed Descriptions of Blood and Injury and Mention of Abuse

Chapter Sixty-Six: True Gryffindors

Sirius' eyes went wide and he took off running before Remus could decide if he should stop him or not.

"Sirius, we don't have wands!" he called out in warning, unsure what could have caused such a scream from the grounds but knowing it couldn't be anything good. After this morning, he half expected Greyback to be down there, waiting for him. But there was no way Greyback could have sent him that thing…...at least he hoped not…. But what if it had been Greyback? What if Greyback knew where he was?

"AHHHHHHH"

Remus pulled himself away from his fear. The sound of such raw screams touching a part of him that was somehow braver than he ever thought he could be.

"Please someone help!"

"That's Regulus shouting for help!" Sirius explained and ran even faster. Remus sped up too, hearing the horror in Sirius' voice, who was always the first to try to convince anyone who asked that he 'didn't give a damn about Regulus'. Remus knew it was a lie but he wasn't aware how much of a lie it was until Sirius sounded as choked and horrified as he presently did shouting for Regulus!

"REGULUS! REGULUS ANSWER ME!" Sirius screamed, his voice cracking as he nearly lost his balance which would have caused him to tumble down the semi-steep hill leading towards Hagrid's and the forest. Remus snagged his friend's wrist, keeping Sirius from falling down the hill, both of them now able to see most of Hogwarts grounds spilling across the dark grass that in the dim moonlight seemed to be crawling with shadows.

"There, Sirius there," Remus explained pointing to four little figures staggering towards them. Remus held on tightly to Sirius' wrist stopping Sirius from rushing to them.

"Let me go, Remus," Sirius growled out.

"Sirius you can't help them if you get badly injured. At least scan the surroundings first." Remus instructed, forcing himself to keep holding as Sirius tried to yank away, his heart hammering as he scanned the grounds.

"How are you doing that?" Sirius asked momentarily distracted. Remus let him go, realizing they had moved far enough away from the lights of the castle, the torches and flickering flames that gave enough light for it to not be completely dark. Now it was dark though and Remus knew what that meant. He was saved from answering though as the figure appearing at the bottom of the hill, being held up by two others, let out another agonized scream.

"Sirius!" Regulus sobbed, not appearing to be too hurt as he started running up the hill. Sirius forgot about Remus, rushing down to meet Regulus who hugged him tightly sobbing.

"Reg…..Reg what happened?"

"The tree…..we were following...then…...so much blood….can't stop it….have to help…"

Regulus tried to explain, not seeming to realize he wasn't making much sense.

But he had made enough. Remus hadn't thought this night could get any worse.

Remus forced himself not to run away even though he really wanted to. His legs shook badly but he somehow was able to make his way to the group of Slytherins who were badly banged up. He tried to behave like Madam Pomfrey always did, almost rolling up his sleeves before realizing that would be a bad idea because of his scars. Remus stepped into the faint circle of wand light from two of the first years' wands that would hopefully take care of one problem at least.

"You need to lay him down right now," Remus commanded far too used to awful injuries to let these first years handle one so badly, although at least one of them had known enough not to remove the piece of splintered wood sticking out of the top of the boy's eye.

"I'm not listening to a mud…"

"Now!" Remus barked and the bloodied bruised first years were quick to comply, glancing at each other and the third year Davey, who now on the ground, was groaning pitifully.

"Whoever is the fastest runner or the least hurt needs to fetch Madam Pomfrey and needs to go now," Remus explained, his hands shaking as he wadded up his shirt, pressing the inside of it to the protruding bleeding mess that was Davey's eye, careful not to bump the piece of wood sticking in at a slant.

Remus couldn't tell if the eye was intact or not but pressed as gently as he dared aware that the amount Davey was bleeding was not at all good, his cheek and chin completely stained red and a lot of blood already on his dress shirt, though glancing at it Remus wondered if that blood was being caused by another injury.

"I...I'll go….." stammered the same girl who had been about to call him a mudblood. With her angry defenses now dropped, she was revealed to merely be a petrified little girl with tears down her cheeks. Remus nodded his appreciation, struggling for the name. He had heard Sirius, ranting, about Regulus's 'dumb' friends more than once though he usually used mean nicknames. "Thank you, Lucinda."

She seemed surprised but nodded and rushed off.

"Sirius…..Sirius, I need your help," Remus called, forcing his voice not to shake even though the rest of him was.

Sirius let go of Regulus who was still shaking and crying, all the first-year Slytherin cheeks stained with tears and bruises just beginning to form. Although after a moment, Remus realized Davey and one other girl were Ravenclaws.

"W….what can I do…?"

"Hold….hold this…," Remus instructed, ripping the expensive dress shirt James had let him borrow for the dance despite Remus' many protests. He waited for Sirius' trembling hands to cover his own then Remus staggered to his feet. He couldn't even find it in himself to feel bad about the ripped dress shirt at the moment, just glad the shirt had been big enough that none of his skin was showing as he walked as far as he dared before losing everything that had been in his stomach onto the damp grass.

Be brave.

He told himself that multiple times before he found the strength to wipe his sleeve across his mouth. He was used to blood and injuries, more than anyone else here. If he couldn't hold it together, no one would. He straightened, his stomach threatening to send him retching again. He tried not to think about the gory mess that was left of Davey's left eye nor the blood and clear liquid that seemed to suggest the eye had burst or was at least detached from the socket. Swallowing down the sick feeling and thoughts that reminded him over and over that this was technically his fault, he avoided looking at the tree who at the moment, felt far too close though Remus supposed the fact the other's had gotten Davey out of the radius at all was an accomplishment. Remus tried not to think about that awful tree that was planted solely because of him and that had injured this boy so badly and walked back to Sirius who was dutifully pressing the now red fabric over the luckily unconscious boy.

Remus could tell from Sirius' pale figure and green-tinged cheeks that he wouldn't be the only one losing his dinner tonight. Since the remaining first years had all unconsciously backed away from the bleeding boy Remus took over, watching Sirius rush off, not making it very far before he too threw up. Remus tried not to inhale too deeply as the stench of blood and now upchuck mingling with the damp ground was making him feel quite sick. He also tried not to look at Davey's leg knowing there was nothing he could do to help with that, the protruding bone and badly bent limb simply beyond his capabilities, Remus choked back a sob the fabric against his hand so damp he knew he wasn't stopping the bleeding much.

"I…..I need someone to lift up Davey's shirt….." Remus instructed his voice much higher pitched than he would have liked. But by the growing stain of red it was evident Davey was bleeding from there as well. He met Sirius' eyes who had stopped throwing up but looked like he might do so again any minute. Regulus looked just as scared, but not in danger of throwing up on Davey which was good as throwing up on the boy would have been dreadful for multiple reasons, one of which was that it probably wouldn't be good for chances of later infection? Plus Regulus was the only other name of the first years he could remember.

"Regulus, come here. I need you to just press something to Davey's abdomen. You don't have to look but we've got to stop all this bleeding ok?"

He was sure Regulus would glare at him or call him some name but the solemn boy, tears still running down his cheeks merely nodded and kneeled next to Remus on the grass damp with blood.

"S...s…...s...should I lift the….shirt…?" Regulus asked in a fearful whisper as Sirius came over and tried to take control.

"Sirius if you're going to throw up you need to not stand so close," Remus pointed out but Sirius shook his head grey eyes hardened with determination.

"You aren't the only one used to injuries Remus. Beat it Regulus….get your little friends away from this gruesome sight…..go get Dumbledore or anyone who might be able to help. Understood?"

Any ill will that had been between the two brothers must have now thankfully been gone since Regulus only nodded and took off shouting at the other first years of which he must have been something like the leader of.

"Remus, what do we do?" Sirius asked, sounding scared now that the first years had left.

"Rip off some of your robe and hold it tightly to the wound. Pressure…..pressure should stop the blood."

"His….his eye….."

"I know…." Remus whispered, choking on the words that stuck in the middle of his throat. It felt like they knelt there for hours though in all likelihood it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. It was long enough though for the blood to soak through both of their bits of fabric a few times over, Remus' dress shirt now dangerously short enough to reveal the scars behind it if he wasn't careful.

"Move…" came a wonderfully confident voice. True confidence, not the fake kind forced by a twelve-year-old boy who had already seen more of his share of gruesome injuries than he had ever wanted to. "Move darling you did a good job now let me take over."

Remus felt stiff as he moved his hands away stepping away from the Matron who was already casting spells.

"Very well done indeed boys. Marvelous display of courage and keeping your cool in danger. You've got a pair of true Gryffindors in your house it seems Minerva," Professor Sprout added, the scared first years from before standing behind her as if the figure of the portly herbology professor could shield them from the horror of a badly injured boy in front of them.

Then the best voice of all spoke up and Remus knew everything would be ok now.

"I think fifty points to Gryffindor ought to be sufficient for the 'true Gryffindors', wouldn't you agree Minerva."

"Yes, Albus, I think that makes a great deal of sense. Now then shall we?"

"For tonight I think it would be prudent. Immobulus."

"Immobulus," Mcgonagall called sharply, her wand pointed past them at the Whomping Willow. Normally that spell would hold the dangerous tree for mere seconds but with McGonagall and Dumbledore casting it together, Remus imagined the spell would certainly result in the Whomping Willow being immobile for some time.

He wasn't at all sure how he felt about that though.

On one hand, it was a good thing because then the beast of a tree wouldn't hurt anyone else at least for as long as the spell lasted.

It seemed fitting though, a beast that protected a monster...

So... on the other hand, there was an irrational fear growing in Remus' mind that someone would find the passage below the tree and unearth his greatest shame.

"Well done Mr. Lupin. I think you and Mr. Black can head to your dorm or if you wish back to the dance though it will be time for the second years to retire soon."

Remus nodded feeling a little numb now.

"We'll station someone to guard the area, make sure no prying students get hurt, in the mere case our spell doesn't hold. Rubeus, would you do the honors?"

"I sure sho will, professor. Will the boy be alrigh'?"

Remus vaguely wondered why he hadn't heard Hagrid approaching but his head was throbbing and he realized he must be more out of it than he currently felt.

"Too soon to tell Hagrid, but Remus and Black may have saved his eye from being lost completely," Madam Pomfrey explained to the groundskeeper, who even though was a large man, Remus was having a hard time focusing on.

Remus however didn't miss the pride in Pomfrey's voice and tried to take some satisfaction in it. But he just felt guilty.

"Goodness you can't go back as tattered as that boy," McGonngal called, stopping him in his slow ascent back to the castle. He felt a warm draft rush over him and felt where the pieces had been torn, his dress shirt now completely whole once more.

"Thank you, professor," he replied gratefully and she nodded striding up to the castle much faster than their little legs would carry them, glancing back a few times to be sure they were following.

"Never seen Regulus so scared…." Sirius whispered, still sounding rather haunted. "Not even when he witnessed mum…..well sometimes he'd have to watch her hurt me," Sirius continued lowering his voice to the quietest of whispers so that anyone without Remus' attuned hearing would not be able to make sense of the words. "So glad it wasn't him. I mean poor bloke but….but at least it wasn't Regulus."

"Regulus will be ok Sirius," Remus whispered, trying to hold onto Madam Pomfrey's pride in him as he approached the castle rather than the writhing feeling that if he had never come to Hogwarts this never would have happened. That Davey Gudgeon would be completely intact and therefore having a much better night….and depending on the outcome of tonight possibly a better life as well.

"I know…..I just…..what were those morons thinking anyways? I'm going to kill Peter for inventing that stupid game in the first place!"

"It's not his fault," Remus said, resisting adding that it was his own fault. However, he didn't think now was the time to spring the fact he was a werewolf on Sirius who already seemed stressed and distracted.

"I suppose not. Regulus was saying they were chased by something….only he wasn't making much sense. Those idiots shouldn't have been out here in the first place. Regulus said they were trying to solve some mystery or something but of course, that's utter bogus! Bollocks. Mystery my arse! I can't stand icky firsties overactive imaginations which puts them in danger!"

Remus himself was confused that Regulus would make something like being chased up but Sirius seemed quite certain so he didn't say anything. The two of them caught up to McGonagall who stood holding the door into the castle open for them and proceeded to enter the castle once more.

"Now in light of what's happened, I won't ask why you two were outside in the first place. However if the two of you want to return to your dormitory that would be understandable, but as it is technically past hours I better not find you two traipsing through the halls."

Remus nodded, hoping to collapse in his bed and cry from the sheer guilt that was currently eating him alive. Sirius though wanted to go back into the dance seeming to bounce back fairly quickly considering the fear that had been all over his face mere minutes before.

"Not that we'd ever traipse Minny, but I think I'd like to dance some more. Come on Remus."

Remus followed, finding it a testament to either McGonagall's growing patience with the rather petulant Sirius Black or her current worry about Davey, as to why Sirius had gotten away calling her 'Minny'.

"Sirius are you sure you want to dance? I mean she fixed our robes up but…"

"Yes, I want to dance Remus! The last thing I want to do is sit in the common room picturing that boy in my head over and over. Besides I'm hoping James got Fabian to spike the punch." Sirius grinned though it seemed a bit forced as he all but dragged Remus back into the crowded Great Hall.

Remus wondered if they had turned up the volume of the music as it felt much louder now as they made their way back to the table where Peter and James were talking together and looking as if they had been sitting there since Sirius and Remus had left.

"Where have you two been?" James asked a bit nervously and Remus blushed realizing what he thought must have been discussed. He gave a slight head shake at James who was looking at him and was surprised James could possibly think Remus had told Sirius anything as Sirius' demeanor was quite cheerful at the moment.

"Oh, just the usual, saving lives like the badasses we are!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly and Remus shook his head wincing.

"We didn't save anyone's lives and can we please not talk about it."

"Well, Dumbledore said he'd make an announcement soon so what's the harm in telling them now?"

"Yeah tell us!" James pleaded.

"Yeah Marauders honor we won't tell anyone else," Peter quickly promised, holding up his hand and James following suit. Remus groaned but knew Sirius would tell them so sat quickly, burying his face in his arms as Sirius launched into the quite dramatized version of events,... hiding his face so that no one would see his tears.


	67. Chapter Sixty-Seven: The Case of the...?

TW: Small mention of Abuse

Chapter Sixty-Seven: The Case of the...?

…..

"Now all of you tell me again what happened." the deputy headmistress spoke sternly, her sharp eyes narrowed in distaste at all of them. Regulus doubted any Gryffindors would be under this much scrutiny, and people thought Slugghorn played house favorites.

"We were playing the game ma'am," Lucinda replied, just like Regulus had told them too somehow realizing even through his panic that whatever they told the professors it could by no means be the truth.

"And explain to me once more what sort of hair-brained nonsense this 'game' is?"

"We try to touch the Whomping Willow. Whoever gets the farthest wins," Gregory explained nervously, his eyes darting around the room as if convinced some milky white-eyed monster would chase after them….again.

McGonagall regarded them all closely as if by peering through her spectacles she could spot the lie. After scrutinizing them for a long moment she finally gave a sigh.

"Very well. Ten points deducted from your respective houses for each of you and three days' worth of detention with me," McGonagall stated, holding up her hands as they all tried to protest.

"That's not fair other houses were doing it too!"

"Pretty sure it was someone from your house that started it, professor!"

"I assure you it will be looked into but that doesn't mean the five of you shouldn't be held accountable, after all, you were up after hours and blatantly ignoring Dumbledore's warning about that tree. Your actions resulted in the serious injury of a student so be grateful the punishment isn't worse! Now all of you, back to bed," she replied firmly, her tone making it clear no amount of arguing would alter her point.

"She can't possibly take points away from Davey! The poor bloke probably lost an eye." Gregory grumbled as they left, glancing at Emma who had been very quiet. It was her recent friendship with Davey that was the reason he had been with them.

If only Emma and Davey had stayed at the stupid dance none of them would be in trouble.

Only Regulus had to consider the fact he might not be standing here right now if Davey hadn't shouted the warning he had that allowed Regulus to duck away from the knotted branch. A branch that had slammed hard into the ground where he had previously been, leaving a dent in the earth from the sheer force. Regulus shuddered thinking how close he had come to being wiped off this earth. Why was a tree that dangerous allowed to be on Hogwarts grounds in the first place? Regulus was sure it must be guarding something important as that was the only reason that made any sense whatsoever, but he wasn't about to test his theory any time soon. He didn't think he wanted to go near that blasted tree ever again.

"What gives, with them having such a dangerous thing on the grounds anyways?" Lucinda grumbled particularly annoyed since her cousin Gregory had his arm in a sling and a large bruise on his other hand.

"Bet it's guarding something! Mark my words you don't have something that dangerous around a bunch of stupid kids without a distinct purpose," Regulus clarified as the four of them walked towards the dungeons. No one had the heart to let Emma walk herself to her Ravenclaw dorm and since it wasn't really against the rules to let another student in, it was silently agreed upon that she'd simply stay in Lucinda's dorm tonight. In fact, they might all stay in her dorm.

None of them really wanted to be alone. Not after what had happened.

Regulus opened the door to their dorm glad the dance would keep the older students away for a few more hours at least. If there was one thing a Slytherin wouldn't miss out on it was a party to potentially elevate their status in society...or school.

"Are you guys alright?" asked a Slytherin coming over to them with concern in his expression.

"Back off we're fine," Regulus replied coldly since Narcissa had taught him that's how he was to talk to the 'Slytherin peasants'. That basically meant anyone who wasn't from old pureblood families which were most of his fellow Slytherins. Regulus normally didn't follow Narcissa's example with that unless she was around….or if he was in a particularly bad mood like he was now.

He didn't even have the normal decency he'd typically have to regret his snapping at the student. Because Regulus didn't really want anyone to be afraid of him unlike Sirius, who seemed to desire that people would fear him, what with how he tormented Slytherins and all.

"Little harsh…." Emma remarked, which made him bristle but he resisted snapping at Emma who hadn't said anything in a long time and who was more upset than any of them about the events of the night.

"It's fine. Ryan is a leaper among our house, no one likes him. He should have known better than to approach a Black!" Lucinda retorted, sounding affronted.

"He was just concerned," Regulus defended, distracted on bigger problems that his other friends hadn't quite seemed to realize yet. He walked into the room that was shared by him and Gregory.

Just the two of them shared the room. That wasn't unusual though, since Hogwarts seemed to know that most Slytherin parents would throw fits if their children room with too many people. In fact, Regulus's mother had offered to throw such a fit so he could get his own room but Regulus had shot her down enjoying the idea of sharing a room, especially with how homesick he had been upon first arriving, and quickly becoming friends with Gregory because of it.

"We need to figure out what we are going to do," he said, flicking his wand to light the relaxing blue flames that gave the impression his room was underwater, helped along by clear tubes that ran across the structure of the ceilings of all the Slytherin bedrooms. Regulus quite liked it, especially when a Gindyfish occasionally got stuck and had to release the strange metallic liquid that made the creature shrink.

"What do you mean?" Gregory asked, looking confused as the others.

Regulus took a deep breath having realized long ago his intelligence was far superior to his peers, and he didn't mean that in an arrogant way, merely an accurate observation. Regulus wasn't quite sure what it was that led to his broader world outlook and higher maturity than his friends, but he had a sneaky suspicion his upbringing had something to do with it.

"Whatever that thing was didn't come from the forest….at least it shouldn't have. Someone had to have brought it to Hogwarts…..illegally," he explained resisting the urge to snidely point out that they had just been discussing what creatures were in the Forbidden Forest last week.

However, Regulus had hated it when Sissy or Sirius looked down on him so he forced himself not to do the same with his friends. It wasn't really their fault if they'd rather be excited about the Triwizard Tournament or fantasize about one day serving the dark lord. Regulus didn't know if he himself wanted to join the dark lord who seemed…..overly cruel but he kept that to himself. After all, Regulus had learned very quickly to keep his true opinion about things close to his chest and keep his mouth shut about anything until he checked with Sissy what was acceptable for him to believe about whatever the matter was.

That's why he had kept his great admiration of Professor Corbyn who spoke about creatures as if they actually had feelings and rights, to himself. Regulus knew creatures did have feelings and should be treated well because of Kreacher, only no one else seemed to like the DADA Professor so Regulus merely shrugged to signify his supposed indifference anytime he was brought up.

"Why….Why didn't we tell a professor then Regulus?" Lucinda gasped looking scared. Not that Regulus could blame her, he too was scared with even the mere possibility of more than one of those things being on the grounds. Hell, even just one was bad enough.

"They wouldn't have believed us," Emma spoke up before Regulus could and he nodded at her, impressed at how strong she sounded despite the possibility her friend may never be the same after tonight.

"But that's ridiculous! Who would lie about that?"

"First years trying to avoid getting in trouble," Regulus explained, who knew all too well about adults not believing kids. His dad didn't believe Regulus about his mom beating Sirius nor did their aunt believe Regulus when he had tried to explain last year how Sirius was punished with a dementor. Regulus shivered, that had been the only time he had come face to face with the dementor and he knew he'd do whatever his parents wanted, whatever was expected of him, to avoid meeting that hideous creature again.

"So what do we do? Who would believe us?" Gregory asked, even though they were all aware of the unfortunate answer. No one would believe a bunch of first years.

Regulus wished Sissy would but he knew she mostly saw him as a silly little kid.

That left Sirius as their only option. If anything, Sirius owed Regulus his belief, since he had believed his brother about the dementor long before he had known for a fact his brother was telling the truth. His older brother would believe him, he just had to. After having his big brother hug him as he had only ever done a handful of times before Regulus felt a bit as if he could really tell him anything. Only when Regulus had attempted to explain they were chased, Sirius had, with an unusually kind demeanor, explained they had just been scared. Then when Regulus persisted in trying to describe what had happened Sirius had grown frustrated thinking Regulus was just trying to avoid punishment so Mother wouldn't be disappointed in her 'favorite child'.

Regulus would have been upset with Sirius if he hadn't at least seen partly where Sirius was coming from. Regulus knew he was the favorite now, it just frustrated him because Sirius used to be the favorite and seemed to have completely forgotten about that. His brother coincidently forgot that he had thrown away his chance. Sirius used to have what Regulus had only been given as a second choice. But Regulus couldn't think about that now. Besides, maybe now that 'avoiding trouble' wasn't a possibility anymore Sirius would believe him. Regulus was even willing to shove the fact that he had believed his older brother when no one else did in Sirius' face if that's what it took to get him to believe him. After all, Hogwarts could be in danger and he and his friends could use someone older, and more experienced at breaking rules, to help them figure out some way to stop it.

"You guys wait here, I'm going to find someone who might help," he instructed, ignoring their protests. "I'll be fine that….that thing won't be in the castle. Just wait for me," he ordered and left his friends trying to figure out some way to slip into the Yule Ball.

Their evening wasn't supposed to have turned out his way.

Not that pointing that out to himself changed anything. Really it had all seemed like a marvelous adventure at first, one even Regulus could get behind. It all started the night they had overheard those older students talking. Well...technically it had started with Emma finding out what had happened since Lucinda had failed at keeping it a secret for long. Emma had somehow managed to even convince Regulus, despite him knowing she was a liar, that she had heard about a few older students planning to sneak into the forbidden forest on the night of the Yule Ball to get an advantage with the next task.

"That means we could slip into the forest too," Gregory had exclaimed, always the first to get sucked into Emma's lies. Only...this time she hadn't been lying...not really.

For a few weeks, it had been harmless fun of planning how they would get in. Regulus...if he was being honest with himself mostly wanted to go into the forest since Sirius already had. Regulus didn't think he was all that competitive but he also was fascinated by creatures where Sirius only hated them. Besides, if his dumb older brother hadn't even gotten hurt going into the forest then Regulus figured it wasn't all that dangerous after all.

But then Emma had announced she was going to the Yule Ball and that she'd meet them at the edge of the forest, the thin part in between the Hogwarts grounds and the real start to the Forbidden Forest where all the students knew entering too deep into would alert a professor to your misdeeds. Regulus still wasn't sure how Sirius had managed to get in, but Regulus's curiosity about the forest, his friends' constant persuading, and the possibility of helping Gideon by catching the cheaters red-handed was simply too alluring to pass up.

Somehow, Regulus had let himself be stupid, much more stupid than a noble Black ever had the right to be.

He scolded himself violently as he marched through the halls convinced that if a professor spotted him, as it was now technically past hours, he could convince them that he had an older student 'date' to the dance. It wasn't technically a lie since Regulus had been asked by multiple third and second years, but he didn't like dancing much and Narcissa assured him missing out on this dance at his age wasn't going to harm his social standing in any way.

Perhaps if he had gone to the dance he never would have gone to the edge of the Forbidden Forest?

But he had, with Greg and Lucinda and he would have been lying if at the time he hadn't been excited. Lucinda and Greg allowed him to be simply a kid in a way his older cousins and brother scoffed at despite being more childish than Regulus by far. His friends allowed him to be a kid and to drop most pretenses of caring about labels in a way his parents discouraged….harshly.

Hogwarts had brought freedom from home in a form Regulus hadn't before realized would be good for him. He still struggled with missing home but he knew Hogwarts was good for him and…..part of him was glad to have a break from his mother's bouts of her extremely cross temper.

"Where are you going young man?" an older Hufflepuff student asked him with a slightly demeaning tone.

Regulus hated being a child!

"To the dance."

Predictably the Hufflepfull seemed shocked, not many second years were going to the dance let alone first years. The whole setup was ridiculous and Regulus hated that Hogwarts hadn't simply just said first and second years weren't allowed to go. Instead, the schools had created this farce about 'needing an older date'. Although Regulus supposed if Hogwarts had denied the younger students from going outright, there would have been an uproar amongst the Slytherin parents, and overly boisterous students like his brother and James Potter may have even started a riot.

"Aren't you a little young, little guy?" the teenager replied with a sort of lopsided smile as if expecting Regulus to admit he was lying and to go back to his dorm, like a good obedient boy'. Regulus didn't have time for this, he wasn't sure how much longer the first, second, and third years would be allowed to stay at the dance.

"I'm Regulus Black, now please let me pass," he explained, unable to keep the slight challenge out of his voice. But of course, the Hufflepuff immediately backed off and as Regulus walked past him he couldn't keep the slight smile off his face. No one messed with a true Black!

After, Regulus managed with overall relative ease to convince three other older students he did have an older date waiting for him inside and all but threatened one of the seventh year students who was acting as some sort of poor excuse for a bouncer he made it into the Great Hall which seemed much bigger than normal.

Finding Sirius would be the real problem.

"I would like to have everyone's attention," Dumbledore called in a commanding echoing voice from the front area where a stage was set up and where the wizarding band called Dark Dragons had stopped the song they had been playing abruptly. A tense silence filled the Great Hall and Regulus ducked his head swearing he could feel the headmaster's eyes on him.

"As of tonight, any student found by the Whomping Willow will be in serious trouble. There has been an accident and while the student hurt has suffered no life-threatening injuries, it has made Hogwarts aware that the danger of the Whomping Willow needed once more to be stressed too old and new students alike. So while the Whomping Willow may seem like a fun challenge, it should be treated with the proper respect any creature deserves. Those who fail to do so will find detention rather than coal in their stocking," Dumbledore's serious expression had softened into a smile and a few students laughed at the bad joke though most seemed tense, probably because they had either participated in the challenge or encouraged a younger student to do so.

Regulus wasn't sure who had started the challenge but hoped they felt very bad.

Even though the stupid challenge actually had nothing to do with what had happened tonight.

It really hadn't been their fault! When they had arrived at the edge of where the trees started growing denser, Emma had met up with them tugging along her 'date' who had seemed like a decent boy but whose presence had seemed to kill the mood of the adventure slightly. Still, Lucinda's excitement had fueled them all and Davey had enough sense to realize he was an outsider in this and had wisely just sort of hung back.

They had then hidden in some bushes, small enough to be completely covered, and had almost given up on waiting for anything to happen when five older students had arrived, all their faces had been hidden by the shadows of the night.

Regulus still couldn't make sense of what their conversation had even been about despite still remembering it word for word.

"This will help you in your mission," whispered a quiet older male voice, the age of the speaker impossible to determine.

"I still don't get why you are helping us, but thanks." Whoever was speaking this time sounded younger, though Regulus couldn't be certain.

"Because I too am sick of Hogwarts arrogance. If this doesn't make it clear they've really strayed from the path of excellent these past years, nothing will."

"So all we have to do is…"

"Achoo!"

Even though Regulus was upset Davey had gotten hurt, considering it was him who alerted the older students to their snooping due to a stupid sneeze meant that it was a bit fitting he was the one who had paid the price for it.

What happened next made even less sense to Regulus than the conversation in which he could recognize the presence of accents in two of the students' voices, though which school they were from was impossible to tell. The real mystery was the third voice which could either have been a student or someone older. That third voice whose lack of an accent meant the person was possibly from Hogwarts?

Regulus had no idea which school was trying to cheat or why anyone from Hogwarts would take part in such underhanded tactics. But if he was being honest, to him it seemed to go beyond simple cheating. Why wouldn't just sneaking into the forest suffice? Why did they have to bring such a terrible monster with them?

Regulus realized he had been wandering through the outskirts of the Great Hall for a while but still was unsuccessful in finding Sirius. It seemed like the real challenge would be locating his older brother. After several more minutes, Regulus was beginning to think he had miscalculated and Sirius had merely gone to bed. Only that really didn't sound like his brother and finally, Regulus spotted Sirius making a fool of himself by dancing with two of his friends.

Holding himself taller Regulus approached his brother trying not to be embarrassed about how he had been sobbing and acting like a terrified child to his brother only a short while ago.

When Sirius spotted him he immediately dropped his friend's hands, a look of pure concern on his face which both made Regulus feel stupid and deeper down inexplicably happy.

"You ok Reg?"

"Fine Sirius, I was hoping to have a word with you though."

Regulus shot a sharp look at James who had given a scoff at Regulus's formal speech.

Not a surprise the blood traitor didn't appreciate good manners.

"Lighten up little bro," Sirius chuckled reaching to ruffle his hair. Regulus grabbed Sirius' wrist to stop him from doing so, noticing the too tight smile his brother had on his face. Why must his brother always pretend? Regulus could see the benefit of pretending when Sirius had been forced to go to stuffy parties since if he didn't he'd get in trouble. But why was his brother forcing a smile in front of his friends? Didn't he trust his friends?

Regulus really didn't get Sirius.

"I will not lighten up. Did you forget someone is in the hospital wing?" he asked perplexed, though by the way Sirius' eyes had narrowed, he had somehow taken the comment as some sort of insult on his character or what-not. Honestly, his older brother was so juvenile.

Regulus really wished he had a better option in who to confide in over this…..but he knew he didn't. And perhaps a foolish childish part of him was hoping this would somehow bridge the gap between the two of them and Regulus could have the older brother back that he used to semi idolize.

"It's also a party Reg, and yeah it sucks for Dudgey, but in case you missed it, Dumbledore said it's not life-threatening."

"Davey. I need to talk to you Sirius," Regulus glanced past Sirius at James and...Pete….Peter who were both trying too hard to look like they weren't paying attention. "Alone," he added with an exasperated sigh. Luckily Sirius complied though not without nagging Regulus about acting too old and too stuffy and too serious and blah blah blah blah.

"OK there now the snoops can't hear. So what's up? Can't sleep? You know you can ask the matron for a tonic."

"I hate sleeping drafts as do you, I believe."

Besides how old did Sirius think he was? Also, didn't his brother realize Regulus had witnessed a similar level of horrible pain from the boy standing beside him before?

"But that's not the problem, like I was trying to tell you earlier something was chasing us." Regulus couldn't help the unconscious act of wrapping his arms around himself feeling a spike in fear at speaking of it.

"You're still on about that? Come on Regulus just accept your punishment. Don't worry I doubt dear old Mum will send you a howler," Sirius replied with quite a bitterness in his tone which momentarily threw Regulus off.

"You mean….why would she send you one?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and put a hand on Regulus's shoulder looking like he couldn't make up his mind on whether he wanted to hug Regulus or shake him.

"If you hadn't noticed everything is my fault."

Regulus certainly didn't agree with that! Sirius' own actions were his fault, but if he wanted to blame his rebelliousness on their mom and view her as some sort of awful person then that was also his fault. Only Regulus didn't point this out, needing Sirius not to lose his short fuse.

"I'm sorry, but I already got in trouble. This isn't about that. Some monster was following us…..it was….awful Sirius." Please believe me, he wanted to add but didn't. He held his breath as Sirius seemed to consider this.

"What….sort of monster?" he asked in an uneasy tone which made Regulus wonder if the Forbidden Forest wasn't more dangerous than he had originally considered.

"Um…..I….didn't get a good look at it…..it came out of some large chest and….." Regulus shuddered "it…..I know this sounds insane Sirius but it was like a dead body or something….."

Again Regulus waited while Sirius seemed to be considering something. However at least Sirius seemed to be taking him seriously, that was better than most.

"Who were these students?"

"I don't know….they had accents...although I think one was a Hogwarts student... they were talking about teaching Hogwarts a lesson basically….."

"It was probably stupid Arja and his sister. But look, Regulus, I doubt they had a dead body with them."

"I'm telling you it was like some….some sort of zombie..."

Sirius sighed.

"Alright, Reg."

"You believe me?" asked hopefully.

"Course I do Reg. Just do me a favor and let me handle it ok?"

Regulus wilted, the belief that Sirius would treat him with respect dwindling.

"I want to help."

"You just focus on your studies or Sissy and mum will have my ass got it?"

Regulus knew there wasn't much point in arguing further. Either Sirius didn't believe him at all and was pacifying him, or he did truly believe him and was going to take over the whole project because 'Regulus was just a kid'.

As Regulus forced himself to thank Sirius and promise him he'd go back to his dorm Regulus was certain of two things.

One, that he utterly despised being the youngest, and two that there was no way he was going to stop trying to figure out what was going on with Hogwarts. He'd show his older family members that he was worth taken seriously. Saving the school seemed to be a good way to do that.


	68. Chapter Sixty-Eight: Still so Much to Learn

Chapter Sixty-Eight: Still so Much to Learn

…..

"You'll never believe what Regulus was trying to convince me about!" Sirius shouted over the loud music as he made his way back over to James. He had watched Regulus leave the ballroom before going back to his friends, knowing his little brother would be as displeasing of him dancing with his friends as Narcissa had been, shooting him annoyed looks and shaking her head at him when their eyes met on the dance floor.

Ok, so maybe he had been using James' bad dancing as a weapon to bump into Narcissa and her date, but in his defense, that's what she got for trying to set him up with a potential suitor. He was only thirteen!

He kept his eyes peeled for his stupid brother in case he tried to slip back into the dance to tell on him to Sissy. Tell on him, for what, Sirius wasn't sure since Sissy already knew he had ditched his date. Perhaps Regulus would tell on him for wandering the grounds at night, that would be just like his little brother even though he had been doing the same thing.

Clearly, Regulus was trying to get him in trouble, spinning some tale about zombies in the forest so Sirius would go back to the forest and get caught and Regulus would continue to be the favorite, not that Reg needed any help in that department really. But Sirius wasn't about to fall for that, it was bad enough he'd be getting a Howler, or at the very least a threatening letter soon because he had failed to 'set a good example for Reg' and 'had polluted him against manners' and whatever nonsense his mother decided to yell at him for this time.

If anyone should be getting a howler it was Sissy since she was more responsible for Regulus than him but he knew it didn't work that way.

"What did he say?" James asked, pausing in his attempt to trip Peter as they both spun around in a wonderfully poor excuse of dancing.

"Apparently there's a zombie on the grounds."

"Cool!"

"No, not cool James, he's clearly lying."

"Sound like my little brother trying to convince my mum there was a ghoul in the barn," Peter replied and Sirius nodded in agreement. At least Peter understood younger siblings.

"Oi, Peter don't look now, but Marlene is beckoning for you," James pointed out and Peter let out a truly frustrated sound that surprised both of them.

"I thought you were delighted to dance with her?" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow. Peter's face went red and he stammered that 'of course he was' before rushing off.

"That was... weird," James remarked, frowning after Peter and asking Sirius if he thought they should make sure he's ok.

"Nah he's fine. I think he's just embarrassed because Peter is just as bad a dancer as you," Sirius teased and James pulled him into a head-lock demanding he 'take that back.'

It was from that vantage point that Sirius saw Remus and some of the good mood that had been starting to return to him faded again. Even if Sirius did believe Regulus, which he did not, he couldn't look into anything until he got to the bottom of things with Remus first. Since, if there was one thing this evening was making painfully clear, it was that there was still so much he had yet to learn about his mysterious friend.

Maybe he should have returned to the dorm with Remus, but he really had needed a distraction after witnessing something so awful. Besides he had thought Remus had been dancing with Lily again but instead he could see him slipping away, something about his posture screaming to Sirius even across the crowded dance floor that his friend was upset….very upset. Which after the day his friend had been having wasn't at all shocking. In fact, Sirius was surprised Remus hadn't slipped away from the dance sooner since he was pretty sure the dance wasn't proving to be as effective of a distraction for Remus as it was for Sirius. But instead of outright leaving Remus seemed to be content with starting back up his efforts in avoiding Sirius, helped along by a certain bossy redhead.

"Come on," he muttered, pulling away from James with ease since his change of tone had surprised James enough to let go of him. Sirius quickly took off after Remus, not bothering to check to see if James was following him and with the skill of one who was adept at losing his family any chance he got in crowds, Sirius entwined his way around the students, all of which were focusing on the next song.

But Sirius forced his attention to stay on his mysterious friend who he was worried if he looked away from for a second would disappear. Luckily, for Sirius anyways, Remus was struggling to weave around a group of Diorge and Hufflepuff students, who other than the group that seemed to prefer Slytherins to the other houses, seemed to make up the majority of the Hogwarts and Diogre friendships.

"Sirius, where are we going?" James asked already out of breath as he had previously been dancing for a long time, like a crazy man as that was the only way James knew how to dance, with poor Dorcas and then when he had taken pity on her, with Sirius.

"Shhhhh!" Sirius shushed him, yanking them down behind a group of students. He always knew Remus had good hearing but the fact that their friend actually turned around as if he had indeed heard them seemed impossible. It must have been a mere coincidence but Sirius was still glad he hadn't risked it and had ducked with James when he had.

For some reason deep in his gut, he knew that following Remus without being spotted was of the utmost importance.

"Gah...pft….pffff…." James spluttered pulling away from Sirius' hand which had been cupped over his mouth and was now covered in his disgusting friend's saliva.

"Yuck! You licked me!" Sirius shouted in alarm, momentarily forgetting about Remus as he wiped his hand, or tried to wipe his hand on James' nice dress clothes. His friend dodged his hand though with a rude gesture.

"Explain what the heck we're doing mate because I still haven't danced with Lily yet and I'm running out of time."

"You aren't running out of time, you can't run out of time with something that is impossible in the first place!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" James protested and Sirius had to shake himself in order not to get sidetracked into James' stupidity.

"None of that's important right now," Sirius cut off James who had opened his mouth to complain more and looked taken aback by the seriousness in Sirius' voice.

"Sirius….." James began and Sirius realized all of sudden James knew exactly what they were doing. That only meant Sirius didn't have to explain so instead of pondering the possibility that James had been purposely stalling him, Sirius took off again losing hope when he could no longer see Remus.

"Sirius wait…..come on…," James protested though he sounded hesitant so Sirius ignored him, picking a direction at random once he left the Great Hall, hoping he was right.

"Thank goodness I had Peter bring this," Sirius replied grinning at James' indignant splutters as he pulled out the invisibility cloak from the bag Peter had given him when they had all met up after Sirius' and Remus' late night heroism.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT!?"

"SHHHHH," Sirius hushed James who crossed his arms looking upset. Well, Sirius reckoned he and Peter stealing James' stuff was good for him, as an only child James needed to understand the importance of sharing sometimes. "If you must know, I brought it because I was going to suggest we go to HoneyDukes afterward and then out to boathouse since it's been a while since we've done it."

He and Peter had decided it was necessary tonight and hatched their surprise while James had taken his turn at trying to convince Remus to get up from the table and dance since upon first returning to the dance their friend seemed like he'd sit with his face buried forever. In the end, only Lily had gotten him back on the dance floor but Sirius was just glad someone had since he really wanted Remus to have a better night than he'd been having. Merlin's beard, it was Christmas after all, it didn't seem at all fair for Remus to be so miserable.

"That doesn't mean you had to STEAL it."

"Yes, I did because I wanted it to SURPRISE you DUH!"

"We could have gone to get the cloak AFTER the dance though!"

Sirius had to admit he didn't really have a comeback for that one until he realized with a pang what James was doing again.

"Stop that! Why are you so against me following Remus? If I didn't know any better I'd say you know something."

Sirius fully expected James to tell him he was mental or perhaps make some snide comment that Sirius had been drinking too much of the punch, despite James' reporting he had been unable to convince Fabian to spike it.

What he was not expecting was the guilt that flashed across James' face. Sirius felt something akin to panic take him over but knew if he stopped now to confront James he'd lose any chance he had of catching up to Remus. Sirius shoved down the terrifying possibility threatening to form in his mind because really there was only one reason James would lie to him about not knowing something about Remus. James of all people lie to him!

Would Sirius actually be mad at Remus when he found out whatever it was? He no longer was entirely sure…

Maybe Remus was involved in something dangerous? That's the only conclusion that made any sense to Sirius and it also made him really scared. Really really scared!

"Sirius wait up! Please wait!" James shouted after him and Sirius slowed having not even realized he had started sprinting through the halls. He slowed, not for James to catch up with him, he was too pissed at his so-called best friend at the moment, but because he knew running would be a dead giveaway to Remus they were tailing him.

Because he would be successful in following Remus and he would get to the bottom of this once and for all or he'd straight-up lose his mind!

Sirius forced himself to slow down even though all he wanted to do was keep running. He wanted to run and scream and expel the panicky feeling that seemed to be permanently lodged in his chest. Then Sirius caught the most wonderful sight ever, Remus turning a corner. Sirius wasn't sure why his friend was walking so slow but he quickly pulled the invisibility cloak over himself…..and James who had snuck in at the last minute trying to whisper an explanation for his actions that Sirius wasn't even pretending to hear.

"Why is he moving so slow?" James whispered, understanding Sirius wasn't going to listen to any shitty excuse and changing tactics, perhaps trying to gauge how mad Sirius actually was with him. Honestly…..oddly enough, Sirius wasn't all that sure how mad he was with James either. It was hard to feel anger over the fear that seemed to have increased in him when Remus slipped out of the castle and into a courtyard.

Why was he leaving the castle? Perhaps to join some top-secret dangerous mission?

That was ridiculous though, sure Remus was quite talented but no one in their right mind would let a child fight in the war…..right?

Right!?

"Sirius calm down…..he'll hear your gasping…..hell at this rate you'll pass out…."

"James…..James, he isn't in danger is he?" Sirius asked in a watery whisper, finding it extremely stuffy under the normally breathy cloak.

"Shhhh," James whispered so quietly Sirius could barely hear him standing right next to him. At first, Sirius thought James was just trying to shut him up but then Remus turned around again and Sirius realized with dread why their friend had been walking so slow. Unfocused eyes seemed to look right through them, tears streaming down Remus' cheeks. Sirius didn't trust himself to whisper anymore as he found tears burning in his eyes at the utter distress on his friend's face wondering with horror what was causing such anguish to his friend. Was it the bunny from earlier this afternoon? Davey from less than an hour ago? Both of those seemed very likely possibilities, but with Remus, it was hard to know.

Was it something else entirely?

He felt James put a supportive hand on his shoulder and he silently understood James wouldn't hold him back from following Remus anymore. However, the hand on Sirius' shoulder also seemed to be communicating something else. No, James wouldn't stop Sirius but that hand seemed to ask 'are you sure'. Sirius wasn't sure….he wasn't sure about a lot, but he was sure that whatever was causing Remus to cry and stumble around was something he needed to know... no matter the cost.

"I won't hate him, James….I swear I won't," Sirius whispered his voice breaking, glad he had waited to speak and walk until Remus was a considerable distance ahead.

"...just….maybe let him tell you?" James whispered back sounding equally choked up which made it painfully clear to Sirius that James already knew what it was.

"Does Peter know too? Am I the last to find out?"

He knew he shouldn't care about such a minor detail….not right now anyways, not when Remus was crying and walking further into the darkness of the Hogwarts grounds alone…..but he did.

"No," James replied sadly and Sirius let out a heavy sigh grateful James didn't try to deny he knew. He couldn't handle anymore insult to injury.

Instead of replying, Sirius started walking again, and after a breeze of air hinting his start-up again had taken James by surprise, his friend followed him closely, his hand still on Sirius' shoulder as if knowing Sirius would need the support.

Sirius said nothing as they walked beneath the grounds lit only by the moon high in the sky. The silence between him and James was tense and filled with a silent begging on his friend's part for Sirius to give this up, shown by the continued sporadic tensing of James' hand on his shoulder as they got closer and closer to the Whomping Willow.

This puzzled Sirius and he found himself watching Remus who was padding across the ground silently, having somehow pulled himself together more. Hagrid's loud snores hopefully masked the sound of Sirius' and James' breathing as they were so close they could reach out and almost touch Remus, now. Part of Sirius did want to touch him, to reach his hand out and grab ahold of his friend's hand and hear from him about whatever it was that was going on.

But deep down Sirius feared Remus would never be able to put words to what was going on, would never fully tell Sirius the truth no matter how he begged or pleaded with his friend to.

So when Remus tiptoed past Hagrid, who gave the impression of being an even heavier sleeper than Peter, and approached the Whomping Willow which towered over him, Sirius knew he'd follow Remus rather than confront him. Sirius knew that he wanted to see whatever was going on with his own two eyes, and he fully expected that something to be some top-secret training. Though why Remus would be involved in something like that or why a top-secret training would lead Remus to stand in front of some tree was evading him at the moment.

James' grip on his shoulder tightened so much it was painful as they stepped closer than they had ever managed to previously get to the tree and in Sirius' head, he could still hear the screams of Davey and picture his bent led and bleeding body. Since that had only been hours ago, though it felt like months ago, it was no surprise his own legs shook just slightly.

What perhaps was more unnerving however than them being underneath the branches that, if they decided to slam against them would surely kill them, was the utter calm that Remus approached the tree with. There was no hesitation in his steps, and Sirius got the distinct impression that if those ugly knotted branches stretched down to wipe Remus Lupin off this earth that it wouldn't for his friend be an altogether terribly unwelcome outcome. Sirius tried to swallow but couldn't, tried to breathe but only short shaky gasps seemed to be making their way to his lungs.

He was about to find out.

Sirius Black was going to unearth the secret of Remus Lupin.

And he was petrified to do so!

Scared shitless, Sirius stood there trembling trying not to let his mind wander to what sort of horror awaited them underneath the tree. Because that was where Remus had disappeared into. Remus hadn't simply walked up to the tree with an idle curiosity which wouldn't have entirely been out of character for him and which while concerning as Sirius' friend didn't seem to have a good understanding of how dangerous this tree was, would have been much more welcome. Only Remus didn't just walk up to observe the thing but disappeared beneath it. And they were now close enough to see the gnarled roots protruding from the earth around the tree which hid a secret passage.

"Let's go back now…." James pleaded once Remus completely disappeared, swallowed by the tree.

"No."

"Sirius please, he'll have to tell you now. I'll make sure he will. But he'll be upset if you follow him…..we can't….please Sirius."

"No."

"No, what?"

Sirius stood there for a long time staring through his tears at the twisted roots, the space just underneath it looking like it fell deep into the earth. He glared at the ugly gnarled tree who he suddenly felt was the sole reason for whatever caused Remus' suffering.

"Sirius?"

This tree signified something big that Sirius couldn't quite grasp. Then it hit him and he took a step back, his foot-stomping on James who swore quietly and seemed to take his silence as confirmation to start pulling him away.

"Dumbledore knows?"

That stopped James in his useless attempts to get Sirius to budge and for a long while the only sound was the almost growling sound of Hagrid's snores. The large man almost falling back in his chair with each shaking snore that seemed to physically move him and a stupid little umbrella place over the groundskeeper's knee whose large hand was holding onto to it as if that would protect him from anything other than rain.

Normally such an opportunity for mischief, under different circumstances, Sirius would have found hilarious. In fact, he probably would have dared James to purposely do something loud in what would have become a competition on who could do the most outrageous thing without waking the sleeping groundskeeper. But it wasn't normal circumstances, it was anything but which meant that even the tempting possibility of mischief just sort of felt like... static, a mere passing thought that was quickly engulfed by the internal dilemma Sirius was faced with.

"Dumbledore knows?" Sirius asked again since the sound of Hagrid's snores was starting to make his head hurt worse than it already was as if it was threatening to break open from the sheer confusion and stress he was currently feeling.

"...yeah….." James mumbled noncommittally then gave Sirius such a hard yank back he almost fell over entirely.

"Stop," he hissed and James did, shooting Sirius a pleading look.

Would he lose Remus as a friend if he followed him into that passage? Would he lose Remus as a friend if he didn't?

He yanked himself away from James so a slight distance stretched between them and if Hagrid abruptly woke up he'd be very confused indeed to see two legs up to their knees with seemingly nothing else accompanying them.

"How long have you known?" he asked angrily since it was much simpler and less earth-shattering to focus on James and his anger at him than what may or may not be at the end of the secret passage.

"...Sirius please…," James sniffled, quickly wiping his eyes an embarrassed tinge of red to his cheeks, his eyes pleading Sirius to understand at the same time they seemed to know he wouldn't.

Instead of replying to James though, Sirius suddenly began to worry about Remus who had not resurfaced from the earth. He should have realized this earlier but what if the passage merely led out of the grounds somehow and now Remus had taken a portkey somewhere else entirely and Sirius had lost his only real chance? So, throwing James off balance and utterly surprising him Sirius flung off the cloak and ran toward the hole sliding down it before James could call out after him in frustration.

With an 'oof' he landed on top of damp dirt but found the underground passage to be roomier than he was expecting. Figuring he wouldn't have long before James would follow him he took off at a sprint hoping the soft dirt wouldn't alert Remus to his pursuit. If Remus was still even underneath here anyways? Sirius inhaled the smell of damp earth finding his decision to follow Remus had made it easier to breathe…..slightly.

Then Sirius heard a faint but troubling sound of wailing as the passage became bigger and the surface underneath his feet shifted to planks of wood that Sirius climbed as carefully as he could manage. Then a loud crack sent him sprinting up the stairs instead, his worry for Remus making him hardly realize the steps he was climbing were leading up through a trap door or that he had somehow entered a building.

"Remus are you ok!" he shouted at the sound of yet another louder crash, worried his friend was fighting someone, at least by the crashes that's what it had sounded like.

Instead, the dark shack Sirius had followed Remus into was lit just enough by moonlight for him to see. To see his friend revealed before him, standing amid a pile of rubble, blood on his knuckles, a wild look in glowing gold eyes that made him almost appear feral and sent a shiver up Sirius' spine at the level of intense ferocity in them.

Of course, that only lasted for an instance, and the something akin to hatred in Remus' eyes melted into an equally intense shock.


	69. Chapter Sixty-Nine: A Breaking of Hearts

Chapter Sixty-Nine: A Breaking of Hearts

TWs: Panic Attack, Yelling, and Trauma

Realizing Remus had been rendered speechless, his friend seemingly stunned into complete immobility, Sirius pulled out his want to light it, glad that after being unfortunately caught without it once tonight that he had it when he needed it now.

"W…ait…..," Remus choked out, sounding as if something was wrapped tight around his neck, which in Sirius' mind was even more of a reason to allow the wand light to fill the pitch blackness. As soon as the room brightened Remus' eyes stopped glowing and Sirius gaped at the blood on the walls and…...deep gauges in the wood...

"W….what is this place?" he asked once he found his voice, finding himself as stunned as Remus must be feeling.

Just then the sound of stomping feet caused both of them to shift slightly, witnessing James come rushing into the shack covered in dirt, since the idiot must have tripped, several times by the look of it, in his attempt to catch up to Sirius. At least James had more grace in the air because the boy with messy black hair looked like he might trip over his own feet.

Though….Sirius had to consider the haggardness of his friend might have very little to do with clumsiness and a whole hell of a lot more to do with where they were at.

"Dammit, Sirius I told you…." James began his brain taking a few minutes to catch him up to the fact they were no longer alone and that James had not caught up to Sirius before he reached Remus as his friend had obviously been hoping to. "...damn….." James finished slumping against the wall and sliding down to the ground before realizing the state of the building, and resting his face against his knees in response as if he wanted to hide himself from all of it.

"...damn…." he murmured again this time sounding as devastated as the rest of the people in the shack were, albeit for different reasons.

Sirius stood, back still slightly to Remus finding his eyes fixed on a rather large gash just above where James was sitting, a large slash across the wood looking almost like claw marks which had etched themselves into the shack.

"JAMES, HOW COULD YOU LET HIM COME HERE!"

The sudden, hysterical, and painfully loud shout caught both him and James by surprise and they jumped, Sirius turning back to face Remus who had never in the entirety of their years together yelled quite like that.

Sirius wasn't sure if he felt more like an intruder since it was abundantly clear how unwanted he was or like a moron since he knew he was still missing something. Remus glared at James tears streaming down his cheeks that now had smudges of blood on them as he had tried and failed to wipe the evidence of anguish off his face with his bleeding hands.

It all felt much more emotionally charged than Sirius had been expecting to deal with.

Sure he knew Remus would be upset….but there was upset and then there was….was Remus shaking violently in the corner of the room the fear and anger in his eyes making it seem like he had half a mind to hex James while his shout had made it seem like he expected Sirius to start hexing him.

But why? What was the big deal?

"I'm sorry mate….," James groaned, face buried in his knees again, sounding quite pitiful and shamed.

What was the big deal? Surely this was a bit embarrassing but Sirius didn't hold it against Remus. Hell in fact he'd very much like to join him.

"I…...both of you chill….it's not a big deal…...guys calm down…..," he stammered since the whole thing was making him a little nervous, his eyes looking away from James' hunched figure to the claw marks then back again finding it quite hard to look at the claw marks for some reason.

Two incredulous pairs of eyes bore into him and the hope and confusion that kept flashing through Remus' eyes made something in his chest ache.

"...so….so you have something…..of a rage room…..it's not like….it's not understandable..." he let out a slightly uncomfortable laugh because if James and Remus didn't start cheering up soon he'd start thinking he was way off base which there was no way he was because there was simply no other explanation for this.

Only at his reassurance Remus let out a broken whimper and sunk to the ground in a similar stance to James, both of them looking quite…..defeated…?

Sirius looked away from Remus unable to face the pain in his friend's eyes focusing briefly instead on the floor, on a particularly large bloodstain spread across it that made Sirius feel cold.

Honestly, they were both being a bunch of babies….. There was nothing wrong with smashing stuff and while he wished Remus didn't punch walls and cause himself to bleed a bit, it was understandable his friend needed this place after the abuse his own father put him through, most of which Sirius had to use his imagination to fill in but which always ended up being worse than the abuse that he experienced.

Especially since the chilling night, he had heard the brokenness of Remus' cries, similar to the muffled cries he was hearing now and trying to ignore since none of this made any sense.

Turning away from him he shifted to James hoping to find at least a semblance of sanity in his other friend. Only James wasn't crouched down anymore, he was on his feet the shock expressed in his slightly ajar mouth turning into anger as his friend clenched his teeth before yelling at Sirius in a way he found utterly uncalled for. He knew even if he pretended not to deserve James' anger that he often deserved it...to some extent.

But what was he doing wrong now? He couldn't think of anything that would lead to the pure frustration spilling from James.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! Just….just think about it for two fucking seconds Sirius! Use your damn brain!" James shouted, the words making Sirius feel stupid then angry then defensive then just cold.

There was something in between James' words, some truth he didn't want to hear. Some truth lost in the blood-soaked wood panels. Something threatening to be realized as his eyes flicked unwillingly once more to the deep claw marks….the uneasily large claw marks. But he wouldn't think such traitorous thoughts and he desperately searched for some other explanation...any other explanation.

He must have looked as panicked and pained as he felt since James' glare disappeared and he took a step forward as if preparing himself to catch Sirius.

"Sirius….."

"I don't understand….this doesn't make sense," Sirius muttered, aware that his slightly high-pitched tone might suggest differently. BUT HE WOULD NOT GO THERE!

"You can't possibly not understand…" James stated flatly with a sort of pity in his tone that Sirius did not at all like.

His back to Remus he shook his head in a nonverbal expression of denial, a denial that clouded his eyes, that he knew was clouding his judgment and intelligence, and at the moment that was fine with him. Because some things were worse than appearing to be an idiot in front of his best friends…..some things were much much worse.

"...doesn't…..make…..sen—"

"SIRIUS, I'M A WEREWOLF!"

If Sirius thought Remus had shouted louder than ever at his earlier statement, it was nothing compared to the raw tortured scream escaping his…..escaping Remus who he was quite glad to be facing away from only it made a chill crawl across his spine that seemed content to stay there for the rest of his life.

There was another heartbreaking sound from the corner behind him but he didn't turn around.

"...good one…..very funny….."

He could hardly hear his voice but knew it sounded unlike himself even if the concern on James' face quickly became exasperation.

"Sirius, he disappears once a month not on the same day but close to it. Why do you think that bloody is?" James asked with strained patience stressing every word as if expecting to physically pound the truth into Sirius' skull.

"...his dad makes him come home to be a bastard to him….." Sirius stated, with a sort of iron stubbornness born from the disbelief that kept threatening to give way to belief. But he wouldn't believe it, he couldn't!

"THE MOON you moron the moon!"

Those words sent Sirius' legs shaking and he found himself turning slightly no longer able to keep his back to Remus, wanting to leave wanting so very badly to leave and forget about all of this.

"Real funny guys…."

He knew his voice was high pitched and faint, knew he wasn't convincing them he really thought this was a joke with the tears burning clearly in his eyes.

"...you got me good….well done…."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Sirius glimpsed the sobbing collapsed heap in the corner that was Remus, hearing another broken sound coming from the heap. A rather inhuman keen that sent every hair on the back of his neck standing up.

"Sirius, this is just cruel of you. There's no way you really think this is a prank," James replied with a sort of inner strength and calm in the face of disaster that made Sirius want to shake him.

He glanced at James since it was better than looking at Remus who seemed to let out a broken muffled cry every time he began to speak. He thought he'd find sympathy in James' eyes or a sort of dark amusement, hell even disappointment or anger would have been better than the flat expectancy he found staring back at him.

"Well excuse me if I'm having a hard time accepting this" he heard himself shout, a shaky defensiveness taking him over completely, masking him to the damage he knew deep down he was causing his dear friend. He was still his friend...right?

He gestured at Remus as if James needed clarification on which 'he' could possibly be a monster...a werewolf... right under his nose? A...a dark creature he not only liked but loved like a brother…..?

No…..no no this was not happening!

"accepting...accepting the...he...the fact he's a monster!" he shouted in disgust, hearing the hatred in his own voice, a voice he hardly recognized anymore. He immediately slapped a hand over his mouth as Remus let out a gut-wrenching moan as if someone had just physically stabbed him. Tears started falling down Sirius as he battled himself, his desire never to hurt Remus losing against the incomparable all-consuming fear.

At Sirius' shout and Remus' sobs, James had gone a very ghostly pale color and tried to glare at Sirius, though the tears rolling down his cheeks seemed to make that quite hard.

"You should leave," James said flatly and the self-hatred Sirius was currently experiencing since he had sworn he'd hate whatever was causing Remus such pain…..and right now it was him…..exploded into a panic as he was forced to consider he may have just lost two of his closest friends.

"...this….this…..how am I supposed….no….I won't believe….believe it….I won't…..Remus is….is my friend…."

"He can fucking be both!" James shouted angrily and deep down Sirus knew James was only doing what Sirus had made James promise at an earlier simpler time, to take Remus' side if he did something stupid to hurt him again.

But Sirius also couldn't help but feel fear that things would never be the same and that fear had hardened itself into a pit of anger. This wasn't his fault! He couldn't be blamed for being upset and fearful, anyone in their right mind would be!

"I won't be friends with a monster!" he screamed knowing he was digging himself a pit, knowing he was hurting Remus, but finding it impossible to stop.

"He isn't one!"

It should have ended there, Sirius should have conceded the point. Replied that James was right because he knew he was, truly he did. If there was anyone that he would accept despite the fact they were….were a dark creature it would be Remus!

But it didn't end there because at that instance, through the tears blurring Sirus' vision, he swore the temperature dropped dramatically in the shack and despite knowing it wasn't possible, he suddenly felt he was back in the cramped closet in the basement, the sucking sound of a dementor threatening to steal his very soul.

"This sure as hell looks like a lair of some monster!"

Remus' sobs seemed to pull him away from Grimmauld Manner and back to the shack where he could almost hear the sound of his friend's heart ripping….because of him?

Because of his mother? Because Remus was a werewolf?

Because….because…..because….

"I won't accept this," Sirius declared trying to copy the calmness that had long ago left James' voice, only with him sounded more haughty as he tried to accept that this was reality and not the sickest nightmare he had ever had.

Only considering it was a nightmare made a hell of a lot more sense! He was being punished…..his friends were teaching him a lesson that was all.

"I've had enough….this is sick…...stop…..you can drop the pretense now…..I get it this is just to teach me how like my family I am, right? You won….so…..so...s…..stop pretending now."

James took several steps towards Sirius and as his arm flew out he was sure he was going to be smacked, only instead James gestured past him at the corner where Remus was still huddled on his hands and knees his head pressed against the floorboards as if he was wishing just as badly as Sirius was that this was a nightmare.

"Does that look like pretending? Sirius, look at him! What do you see? Sirius just look!" James commanded as Remus choked back another sob. Sirius didn't want to look back at the destruction he was causing but even though Sirius was older he found himself habitually obeying.

"That's…...that's Remus…..not…..not…"

"HE CAN BE BOTH!" James roared some spittle hitting Sirius in the face as James grabbed his shoulders and gave him a rough shake, his anger forcing Sirius' defensiveness to spike as the truth of the situation crashed down around him, pressing against his shoulders like a two-ton weight.

Sirius shook his head trying to pull away from James whose hands were probably contributing to the immense weight on his shoulders that he was feeling, though he also knew it was coming from the sheer weight of such a truth that he was only now beginning to grapple with.

The consequences of which were simply too horrible to comprehend.

"He's dangerous then…..how can he be here?... A monster shouldn't be…..be on the grounds…"

"Why I ought to….."

Sirius was only vaguely aware of James letting go of his shoulder to jab the tip of his wand roughly into Sirius' shoulder instead.

"James don't!" Remus stammered the volume and intensity of his voice earlier now a broken pitiful plea that, probably luckily for Sirius, James obeyed.

"I knew he'd be bad Remus, but not this bad! It's not acceptable!" James replied, though his wand had disappeared as quickly as possible and by the tears in his eyes Sirius wondered briefly if his friend really would have hurt him.

"He can't help it…."

"I don't care, you don't deserve this," James cried, his head falling onto Sirius' shoulder as if hoping Sirius would hug him back or apologize or something of equal compassion and intelligence.

Instead, he stood there stuttering like the utter imbecile he was.

"How can….can he be….a monster?" he asked himself, vaguely making the connection that everytime the word 'monster' had been uttered Remus had let out a choking dying sound that would normally make Sirius want to punch whatever caused such harm in the face. Well….he did very much want to punch himself in the face.

To somehow stop the damaging words leaking out of him, but it seemed beyond his control as instead everything seemed to shift in and out of focus.

"The only monster is you!" James snapped his clinging to Sirius turning into a well-deserved shove that sent Sirius staggering back. He opened his mouth intending to apologize, to beg forgiveness to these nightmarish versions of his friends to do whatever it took to leave this nightmare and wake up crying and screaming like he sometimes did.

He would wake up Remus since his friend was a very light sleeper and he'd comfort him and he'd explain to Remus what it had been about so Remus would laugh and convince him such a thing was utter rubbish. But before Sirius could apologize, before he could convince these apparitions to release him from this hellish scenario the room grew cold again, more completely than last time and he started chattering wanting to tell his friends to hide.

He stumbled turning this way and that trying to spot where the monster would come from, expecting it to swoop down upon him and drag him into an even worse reality, the helpless sinking feeling about ready to consume him as it always did... when he finally found the dementor flickering in and out of focus.

"Get away from me!" he shouted, falling backward and for the first time ever, the dementor which had been reaching its bony hand out to him shrunk back as if Sirius' words had some effect on it.

"...awa…away…." he chattered huddling himself into a ball vaguely aware that someone was calling his name before he blacked out completely the only sound in his ears the sound of his tortured screams as his cousin crucio'd him, forced to relive that excruciating memory over….and over….and over again any time one of those monsters got near him.


	70. Chapter Seventy: Broken Pieces

Chapter Seventy: Broken Pieces

TWs: Panic Attack, Yelling, and Trauma

James was beyond pissed with Sirius, although he had to admit the sanity of his friend had seemed to be deteriorating as the conversation continued.

If only he hadn't let Sirius follow Remus!

He should have put his foot down from the get-go since he had known it would be a bad idea. He had known it would be painful and messy but it had been such a relief to stop lying and to finally have it be out in the open….at least it had been until Sirius' words seemed to be literally killing Remus whose sobs made James want to cover his ears and scream for his mom to come and fix things because he was just a kid with no idea how to handle this.

"He's dangerous then…..how can he be here?... A monster shouldn't be…..be on the grounds…"

James had been trying to be patient with Sirius, trying to keep Remus' reminder in his head. That 'he didn't get it so he shouldn't judge Sirius on his fear'. Well, maybe not those exact words but close enough, the point was that while this was supposed to have happened differently, Remus had prepared James to be nice to Sirius during it even if Sirius seemed harsh.

But he could only take so much!

James could only take so much of Sirius echoing the words that James had in the past stupidly used to describe werewolves too, only following Sirius' example of cruelty. James was ashamed he had ever taken a part of and encouraged Sirius much.

"Why I ought to….." James snarled, finding the wand in his hand as if he was up against a Slytherin. But it wasn't a Slytherin in front of him, it was Sirius whose unfocused eyes seemed to hint he wasn't entirely present. But that wasn't an excuse! There was no excuse for Sirius to be causing Remus such pain.

"James don't!" Remus stammered his eyes boring into James', the long-ago dropped wand of Sirius leaving the shack in enough darkness that once again Remus' eyes were glowing. Seeing those eyes always made James feel…..apprehensive.

For a second James considered that maybe Sirius had a point…..maybe…..maybe a werewolf really was just…..

NO!

He mentally shook away the prejudice of the society he had grown up in which seemed to be whispering in his ears. But he knew the truth and believed in the truth and would NOT let Sirius get away with this. No matter how bad Sirius was hurting it didn't give him the right to hurt someone else!

"I knew he'd be bad Remus, but not this bad! It's not acceptable!" he tried to plead with Remus, though about what he wasn't sure. He knew he couldn't hurt Sirius, but silencio-ing him was becoming a more and more tempting possibility. But things couldn't be left here, he wasn't sure any of their friendships would survive if things were left how they were now. He wasn't sure if things ended like this if Remus would ever recover, not with the dark broken look currently in his somehow still gentle eyes.

"He can't help it….," Remus whispered, and watching his friend with such sadness but no anger in his eyes left James feeling distraught. Had he really been considering cursing Sirius? Even for a second? Honestly, if there was one person in this shack who was the least like a monster it was without a doubt Remus.

But he was treated like one by society, by his friend who had to be hurting Remus so much right now. And James was failing! He wasn't making this better. He had reassured Remus, had promised him things would turn out ok.

But he wasn't even helping his friends. With his stupid dreams of being a hero shattering to pieces, the tears he had been holding back, finally trickled down his cheeks.

"I don't care, you don't deserve this," James cried, his head falling onto Sirius' shoulder, wanting desperately for his friend to respond differently. He hoped somehow that his tears, his sadness could melt Sirius' heart in a way his anger hadn't. Because Remus really shouldn't have to put up with this. James should have reacted better from the get-go, should have held Sirius back even if it meant Sirius being pissed at him, should have kept lying to protect his friends but he hadn't.

He had failed…

"How can….can he be….a monster?"

Rage surged through James at Sirius' words even though he could detect no hatred, just a sort of broken confusion James himself had grappled with. But perhaps it was precisely because Sirius was reminding James about how poorly he had reacted at first too that he shoved Sirius, shouting at his friend about who exactly he thought the monster was.

He watched Sirius stumble expecting to find some satisfaction in the action but just feeling dread because he had no idea how to make this right. Sirius seemed farther away than ever, an almost crazed look appearing in his eyes and James gripped his wand prepared to silencio Sirius if he addressed Remus one more time since at this point he felt it could only get worse.

They weren't getting through to Sirius and while James wasn't about to give up on his friend, not by a longshot, he didn't want to argue around Remus whose mental state hadn't been good from the start. James realized Remus must somehow feel guilty about Davey which was so ridiculous but so very much like Remus that James' desire to protect his friend from more harm, even if that meant against Sirius, grew even bigger and ignited in him once more the hope he could fix this….one day.

Suddenly Sirius turned and James expected him to start sobbing, to crumple to the ground, and apologize since the sorrow on his face was so intense. Only instead of apologizing Sirius twisted around looking this way and that as if searching for something.

"What's wrong with him?" James asked the irritation in him at his friend bouncing once more to concern making him feel a bit dizzy at how back and forth he had been feeling throughout this relatively short conversation.

James didn't think Remus would respond...that he could respond since if it had been James in Remus' shoes he wouldn't want anything to do with either of them ever again….at least not for a while. Only Remus still didn't look angry, worse than that there was a sort of broken acceptance in his gaze that James did not at all like.

"I think…...he's having a…..um flashback….?" Remus stammered his voice hoarse, and no wonder with the sort of ear-splitting screams he had shouted earlier. James had no idea what a flashback was but figured Remus knew more about this than he did.

"Wh…..what do we do….?" he asked as Sirius spun again looking frantic and horrified. James winced wondering how on earth his friends were able to smile at all with the things they had been through. Remus struggled to his feet and James winced again at the blood covering his palms realizing Remus must have accidentally scraped them on the shattered wood pieces around him. He shouldn't have let Remus kneel in wood, he probably had splinters now, but at the moment James was a bit more concerned by Sirius who had stumbled back the fear in his eyes increasing.

Remus took a step forward looking very sad as Sirius turned his frightened gaze to him.

"Sirius….you're ok…..it can't hurt you here…," Remus whispered, reaching a hand out to Sirius with a sort of tentatively hopeful look on his face. James held his breath wondering that if Sirius could take Remus' hand and cry and be comforted by him that they could somehow find a way to move through this.

"Get away from me!" Sirius screamed, jolting back at the same time Remus did, looking like he had been struck. Any hope that was in Remus' eyes died and James didn't try to stop him as he bolted. He'd find Remus later and apologize, first, he had to knock some sense into Sirius.

"You're a sick s….."

"...awa….away…." Sirius mumbled still facing the corner Remus had been in and that's when James began to have an inkling of what a flashback might be. Flash….back? Unsure if he was right but knowing one way or another Sirius was seeing things he pondered what to do feeling lost, the words of anger he had been about to direct at his friend fading. Then Sirius collapsed flat against the floor twitching and James leaped forward shouting his name in alarm as he watched Sirius flail before going completely limp.

"SIRIUS! Shit Sirius, Sirius!" James called shaking his friend utterly horrified that when he pulled Sirius up to his ear he wouldn't hear any breathing. But he did hear breathing and concluded after much shaking that Sirius must have passed out.

With Remus gone and Sirius out cold, James curled in on himself, plugged his ears, and sobbed unashamedly for his mother to fix things because he had no idea how to...

…

Peter was very tired of running back and forth getting drinks for Marlene. But at least he was being a good date unlike Sirius, James, and Remus who had all ditched their dates.

At least they had gotten to dance with their dates though...Marlene always seemed busy when he tried to ask her. Still, she smiled and thanked him and complimented him on what a nice gentleman he was so while he was a bit put off at the end of the night he was doing alright. Until he realized his friends hadn't just ditched their dates but him as well.

Figuring they would be in the dorm probably laughing at how stupid Peter was for running to fetch drinks the whole evening he went back to his common room with a heavy heart. Luckily Dorcas and Lily seemed to be able to tell he was feeling down and invited him to a card game, the two of them having already been in the dorm when Peter returned late and informing him they hadn't seen his roommates.

But even Lilt and Dorcas grew tired and when Marlene slipped in half an hour later they followed her upstairs. Before leaving, Lily apologized that Marlene hadn't danced with him and asked him to tell Remus she'd like to talk to him more tomorrow which Peter quickly agreed to do. Lily was very nice, he wondered why Marlene couldn't be as nice.

Not wanting to be in the room all by himself, Peter watched the different people returning, old and young students alike before one couple stumbled into the common room arms entwined around each other as they snogged loudly made Peter quickly retreat upstairs.

Where he waited...and waited...and waited. As he sat there he began to realize that Sirius must have taken James and Remus to the boathouse without him. Even though Peter had gone to fetch the invisibility cloak and Sirius' wand for him, even though Peter thought Sirius had been just as excited to include him in the adventure as his other friends. Like always Peter was just too far behind them.

Eating a crumbled biscuit he had wrapped up in a napkin to save for lately he cried and felt sorry for himself imagining all the fun his other friends must be having without him, while he was miserable and alone.

Then the door opened and he jumped.

"You guys..." but he stopped the complaint abruptly, not finding James, Sirius, and Remus all coming back together in high spirits as they seemed to often be when he wasn't around. Instead, Remus was stumbling into the dorm and for a second Peter thought he was drunk before realizing he was crying so badly he couldn't walk straight.

"Remus!" he shouted, rushing over to help his friend who collapsed against him sobbing.

"I'm a monster...Peter...a monster..."

"Did they leave you out to Remus? Did you guys fight? What's wrong?" Peter asked, feeling nervous as Remus gripped him tightly and wailed. Remus, who he very rarely saw even tear up, who he knew Sirius and James had witnessed crying badly once but which at the time Peter also was left out of, was sobbing hysterically.

"You've got to breathe Remus," he explained in a shaky voice, slowly trying to calm Remus down as he often had to do with his little brother during thunderstorms. But Remus wasn't a little kid and Peter had no idea what was scaring him so bad or why he kept mumbling nonsense. What had Remus done? Perhaps Lily had actually been quite upset that her date had left her and now Remus was feeling really bad about it?

Peter patted Remus' back not succeeding in calming him down quickly as he was good at doing with his little brother.

"Whatever happened it will be ok Remus," he reassured him, "it's Christmas, we can play with one of the fizzing freezys without James and Sirius if you want? Or I can show you the new chocolate frog cards I got, one of them's really rare," he attempted but Remus' sobs were the only response he got.

Beginning to be really freaked out Peter offered to get a professor or for Remus to floo his dad because even though Peter knew Remus' dad wasn't the nicest he wasn't sure what else to suggest.

"I...need...to go...home..." Remus murmured and Peter felt bad for his friend wondering if someone else had died.

"You can talk to Dumbledore. I was talking to one of the Hufflepuff first years whose older sister was killed and she said she was able to leave from the headmaster's fireplace and go home."

For the first time since Peter's sincere attempts to help Remus he finally seemed to have his attention, the hitching broken cries stopping.

Then Remus, offering no explanation, staggered over to his bed grabbing his trunk and adding his neat pile of books on his desk to it.

"Remus, wait you need a password to get into the headmaster's office. Here I'll go get a prefect and they can help you," Peter quickly offered, desperately wanting an older student here to help.

"No...I...got one...," Remus whispered and Peter quickly went over and helped Remus latch his trunk since his friend's hands were shaking too badly too.

"Remus please don't leave. Whatever happened we can figure it out, as the Marauders right?" Peter offered his friend a nervous smile who didn't seem to see it. "How long will you be gone?" Peter asked, beginning to feel frantic.

"...thanks..." Remus muttered just now realizing Peter had successfully shut his trunk. Peter blinked back tears wishing James or Sirius were here since they were so much more capable at everything than he was.

"At least...here..." Peter shoved the other half of his crumbled biscuit at Remus realizing his friend would probably mock him for such a stupid useless gesture.

Instead, Remus blinked a few times then took it with a little smile that didn't seem at all happy but was flashed in response at Peter, all while fresh tears ran down Remus' cheek.

"Thank you, you're a good friend."

Peter wasn't sure what to do and offered to go with Remus but his friend shook his head. Not wanting to make matters worse Peter walked with Remus to the Fat Lady and offered once more to go with Remus or get a prefect or something. But Remus assured Peter he would be alright and Peter believed him because he wasn't sure what else to do and not believing Remus would be alright felt worse than when he had assumed he'd been left out of fun again.

"Please don't go Remus," he pleaded but he wasn't sure Remus heard him, or even saw him as the portrait swung shut leaving Remus on one side of the Fat Lady and Peter on the other feeling as if the distance between him and his friend was much much greater and hoping with all his heart that he would see Remus again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Ok.....so......so don't kill me, guys. Yes, this is the end of part 1 of year 2. However, you will not have to wait long for part 2 of year 2 to be posted! I won't leave you hanging longer than you need to. 
> 
> I want to thank all my amazing readers for not killing me for leaving you with a cliffhanger :P. Thank you also to all those who left comments and who liked and followed me and my story. I've had so much fun going through all the comments. I have some comments to respond to today but then I should be caught up :D. You all know how much I love seeing your reactions and thank you all so much for the really nice feedback. Also, an extra special thanks to those who spread the word about my story and those who caught any corrections that needed to be made.
> 
> I will be posting a bonus chapter or two on Patricia's pov next week and Part 2 Year 2 should begin next week as well.... or at the very most the following week. 
> 
> Also for anyone wondering if I've forgotten about the Triwizard Tournament, don't worry I have not forgotten and the visiting schools will be playing a bigger part in part 2 :D. Can't wait to see you all there <3


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